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2017 September Moderation English Writing Folio 2

English Writing Course Code: ENW315114

1. Title Reflective Statement: Reflective Statement

Word Count: 837

2. Title: Sunscreen

Genre/form: Short Story

Word Count:1569

3. Title: Music/To Dance/Rhythm

Genre/form: Poetry

Word Count:150 (approx. 900)

4. Title: Opening Doors (Writing Project)

Genre/form: Short Story

Word Count:2502

Total Word Count:

5808

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Reflective Statement

In English Writing I’ve developed skills that I believe will help me for a life time. My imagination

has developed and my eyes have been opened up to notice so much more about the world around

me. I notice the smaller things now, like the details on someones face, a mark on someone’s cloth-

ing, little aspects of their personality, perhaps the way somebody laughs. Every thing is an oppor-

tunity for a new story. I have used the observations to enhance the work in this folio.

Sunscreen is a short story that examines the relationships between friends, parents, siblings, and the

guilt and sense of responsibility older siblings sometimes feel. Maisie is a teenage girl who wants to

have fun with her friends but is weighed down by her younger, disabled brother Peter. Although

Maisie loves her brother, she can’t help but feel resentful when there is so much more she wants to

get out of life. I was inspired to write Sunscreen after observing two of my close friends who have

young siblings with disabilities and thought that this story would appeal to teenage readers who face

similar issues.

I used past tense and first person for this short story. Maisie's voce is used to convey a young wom-

ens attitudes and her need to feel independent. I used past tense because Maisie recounts a tragedy

in the past.

I selected three pieces of poetry for this folio that I found complemented it well. The first poem ti-

tled Music is a Shakespearean sonnet, using Iambic pentameter. It uses the rhyme scheme ABAB

CDCD EFEF GG to give it a musical rhythm, hence the title. It shows the love of music that people

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share and how music holds us together as a community and allows us to share things that are untold

with spoken words.

The next featured poetry is a suite). The two free verse poems titled To Wish For A Dance and

Rhythm use concrete imagery to bring the intangible to life. I’ve put these two poems together not

just because they share the same form but the significance they have to me. Music and dance are

both personal interests of mine and have influenced my life for the better. Every first to fourth word

has a new line to enhance the singularity of the words and make the reader appreciate the connota-

tions surrounding that word.

Opening Doors is a short story exploring the ideas of forbidden relationships in a modern context.

The age at which sex is ‘legal’ is set in the law forbidding people to love who they want without

consequence. Opening Doors explores the relationship between Ally Purga, a 17 year old who is

still trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in life, and James Campbell, a teacher just

out of university restraining his love for Ally. While the relationship is forbidden legally, I have

tried to show that love is not as simple as legalities.

I tried to make the relationship between Ally and her mum as relatable as possible to engage the

readers. A lot of teenagers grow up with parents who tend to embarrass them, so I thought making

the mum as relatable as other mums would create a connection between the reader and the story

would be stronger. The mother provides humour to offset the more serious scenes between Ally and

James. The mother’s caring role as well as authentic teen dialogue also emphasis that Ally is still a

child needing supervision from her mum. This is designed to make the reader question James’ mo-

tives and the moral issues involved.

I placed Opening Doors at the end of the folio as I thought it best showed what I have accomplished

during the English Writing course. The literary techniques that I have learnt and improved on

throughout the year are represented in this work. These techniques have helped me to set the scene,

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and make the reader feel like they are in the same scenario, place, and coming from the same per-

spective as the character they’re reading about. I was inspired to use flashbacks in the way that Tim

Winton does in The Turning. By reading his stories I understood how flashbacks can be very effec-

tive and give more information about the underling story of the characters. Therefore the story

swaps between past and present tense. I was able to show how long the sexual tension between Ally

and James was really going on for.

I punctuated time periods in the story with ‘Knock. Knock.’ which represents a doorway between

past and present, the opening of doors and revealing secrets.

This narrative was influenced by seperate experiences that I have had in my life as well as what I

have heard or viewed around me.

This folio shows my best work and I hope that what you read gives you an insight to what I have

learnt this year. I am proud of what I have accomplished and what I have put together in this folio.

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Sunscreen

I leant against the cold concrete boundary of the porch, it felt cooling on my bronzed skin. I had

spent another day with my younger brother Peter but I just sat watching him play in the sea. He kept

on taking off his hat and I would have to constantly run into the water again so he’d put it back on,

and frankly that’s enough to tire me out for the day. Mum and Dad have made me watch him at the

beach ever since my older brother Lawrence brought him home with half formed blisters over his

shoulders. When he showered later that day, the blisters began to pus when the steaming water hit

them. I guess I’ve always been the closest person in the family to Peter as we have now spent so

much time together, but sometimes I just need a break. Every time that we leave for the beach,

Mum and Dad yell “You need to take proper care of him Maisie. He’s our special one!” They

wouldn’t let me leave without hearing it. There would always be a regular checklist of what we

need to have with us. They need to know what strength the SPF in the sunscreen is, make sure we

know when to reapply, that we have sunscreen on before we leave the house, and that we have

plenty of water to keep us both hydrated. Sometimes they would even give us a gold coin each “Just

in case you feel like one of those one dollar ice creams down at the servo”.

I lay on my bed later that day, door shut, but the blinds and window open. I felt the breeze coming

in through the window warming my air-conditioned room and watched the sun fade away into the

water.

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“Maisie!” Mum yelled out to me through the house “Maisie we’re going out! Look after your

brother!” I got out of my bed and made my way to the kitchen where Mum was dressed in the pant-

suit she liked to wear. She said “It makes me look fancy”.

“Mum I asked last week if I could go out with my friends tonight.”

“Oh did you? I forgot sorry love! We’re going out to ya father’s work dinner. Maybe next time,

okay?”

Her heels were loud against the floorboards, as she giggled on Dad’s arm and clicked out through

the door.

I ran into Peter’s room, plunging my head into his pillow and flung my arms around until I didn’t

have enough energy for it anymore. He just sat on the floor playing with his trains, his fifteen year

old hands looking too large for the set.

“Let’s do something fun tonight Peter”. He looked to me confused. He never talked much, just kind

of stared at things. I went over to him, and picked him up from under his shoulders like you would

to a toddler, and grabbed his hands once he was up. I stared him in the eyes as I said “Let’s go make

pizza!” He let out an excited shriek before we raced to see who could get to the kitchen first.

I felt a buzzing going off in my pocket before wiping my hands clean from the cheesy mess and

picking it up.

“Mase! Where are you?! Jeremy’s here and he’s so keen for you.”

“Ash I can’t come, Mum and Dad went out and I’m at home looking after Peter. We’re making

pizza aren’t we Peter?”

“So? Just bring him, we’re like 500 metres away from your house near the rocks. Eat your pizza

and then get your butt over here.”

I looked down at Peter struggling to put the toppings on his pizza.

“Ash I gotta go…”

“Mase you better be coming.” Peter stared back up at me and smiled. “Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit.”

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I put the pizzas in the oven before taking Peter to his room to play with his trains. I rushed into my

room yanking my shirt off to put on another. This one was a bit nicer and didn’t make me smell like

the only way I had washed was from bathing in the ocean. I put my music on before I began to at-

tempt to run my fingers though the salty mess I called my hair. I managed to put it into a high pony,

with little strands out at the front to frame my face, and a little bit of mascara to darken my blonde

lashes.

“PETER!” I slided down the hall to his room “WE’RE LEAVING SOON!” and into his train track

mess to help him off the floor.

“Let’s get you a nicer shirt, yeah?” I went through his cupboard picking out something a little

warmer for him to wear down at the beach, with a collar on it. The jumper made him look like one

of those rich Hamptons people you see on the tv. I held his hand walking him down the hall to the

kitchen. “We’re going to the beach, how does that sound?” He just looked at me to smile before he

ran to the laundry. He came back with an accomplished grin on his face and a tub of sunscreen.

“It’s night time Peter, we don’t need sunscreen. Can you put it back for me while I get your pizza?”

My phone buzzed again in my pocket.

“Mase are you coming or what?”

“Yeah I am, just give me one more minute and I’ll be there.” I heard a knocking at the door.

“Well I’m here so you have 30 seconds.”

I managed to inhale a few mouthfuls of pizza before rushing to Peter, handing him a piece on a nap-

kin, and guiding him to the door.

The three of us walked down together towards the rocks. Ash kept going on about Jeremy and how

good he looked.

“Everyone’s down here, you’re gonna love it,” she kept saying.

By the time we got there, the bonfire was left burning while everyone had gone into the water. The

moon lit up the surface of the sea, casting shadows of the body’s that were in it. Jeremy looked

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around at me. I could barely make out his face but I knew it was him. Ash removed her clothes so

she was left in her bathers, and nodded her head at me. I looked back at Peter and sat him down on

one of the big logs surrounding the fire.

“Please stay here Peter, I’ll come right back after the swim, okay?” He just smiled at me.

I removed my clothes and put them on the ground near Peter where Ash had put hers. I ran into the

water as Ash gave me a bit of a wink before nodding her head towards Jemery to hint at me. She

turned her body to the rest of the group and followed the moonlight into the sea. I felt my whole

body soaking up the salt as I submerged into the open water. A few strokes, and I found my self a

metre away from Jeremy.

“What’s up?” His broad smile was welcoming as he opened his arms. I ran him into the water, our

bodies splashing under before coming back up. For the few seconds we were under I felt my heart

racing hoping his was doing the same. We both removed the water from our eyes and he flicked his

hair getting the salty water out. We both took a moment to just gaze at each other.

“Mase! Where’s Peter?!” I heard Ash yelling over to me. I spun my head around to her and she

pointed up to the shore. Where’s Peter?

I sprinted out of the water, making splashes at my feet that rose up to spit at my face. I spun my

head around profusely, but saw nothing but rocks, sand, water and a burning fire. Ash, Jeremy, and

the others followed me, going back up to the shore.

“We’ll walk along the beach and see if he’s gone back to yours. Do you want to check the rocks just

in case?” I nodded my head at Ash, and gave her a weak smile to say thank you. Jeremy offered to

come help me look by the rocks, following me rather than the rest of the group as they left.

The beach was almost silent apart from the faint seagull squawks filling the air and the sound of

scrunching sand.

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“I’m gonna go check the little rock pools, do you mind just having look around here?” Jeremy nod-

ded his head, and I walked around the corner to the rock pools. I saw nothing but an empty darkness

with specks of light cast by the moon. Where was he? I saw a faint movement from the water a few

metres away, the water lapping against the rocks but something was in it. “Peter?!” I ran those last

metres to see Peter lying in the water, half his face submerged. ‘JEREMY! JEREMY COME

QUICK!” I lifted Peter’s face out of the water before Jeremy came to help me with the rest of his

limp body.

I leant against the cold concrete boundary of the porch, it felt cooling on my bronzed skin. I took

my younger brother Peter to spend the night out with my friends. He watched play in the water.

What I would give to have another chance to put sunscreen on him.

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Music

The charms of sounds and sprinkles of pleasure

the notes and rhythms are pictured in mind

music, the moment, a kind of treasure

it is the thing that can make people bind

A capella, voices, are all in sync

the beauty of madness, burdens we keep

it is sometimes the reason of hoodwink

It’s there when we’re alone and when we weep

Surrounding of love, and of life and of hope

we hope to spread that happiness we feel

we, the musicians are makers of rope

the rope that binds together, music, steel

music has given us, all of us, love

It’s though the cliches, from heaven thereof.

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To dance

To dance

Her hand flows on

Point Carved

A bow-shaped moon

Adagio

Graceful

A pale pink rose

Floats

Gliding

Over polished floors

Balance

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Rhythm

Rhythm

Breathe it

In

Out

Patterns pulse

You

The rhythm

The metre

So black and white

Uniformity

Cadence

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Opening Doors (Writing Project)

Knock. Knock.

“He’s coming here at 2,” Mum yells at me through the poster covered bedroom door.

‘I just want him to like me back’ I think to my self as I pull the black and white sheets tight, and

fluff my pillows. I clear the books off my desk, but leave the few I need for later. Tutoring. What an

excuse, I can’t believe Mum was the one to think of it and not me. James Campbell was coming

over for tutoring. I close my blinds but leave enough of them open for light to come through, and

open the window behind so my room doesn’t feel stuffy. The breeze carries through the scent of my

Sexy by Juliane Moore candle. I stole it from mum’s room. I slide off my trackies and put on my

new blue jeans with the rips in them, and a plain black jumper that just covers my stomach. I

thought about maybe wearing one of mum’s blazers but I decided against it. It makes me look like

I’m a 7 year old playing dress ups.

Knock. Knock.

I made a few adjustments to my hair, smiling to myself in the mirror. I was so excited to be doing

something so grown up. It was the grade 12 formal and I was ready to show James Campbell that I

was mature enough to handle anything.

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“Coming Mum!” I ran down stairs to Mum a few moments later, she wanted to take some photos

before I had to leave. I was still seventeen at the time as my birthday wasn’t until later in the year.

The dress I wore hung down to the arch of my back, and my hair was pinned up revealing the nape

of my neck. I felt beautiful for the first time in a while. I felt mature. We left home and I arrived at

the hotel where it was being held, with Becca and Amy. Inside the hall were tables flourished with

polished wooden branches with tree lights wound between them, and white table sheets. Thankfully

I got to sit together at the dinner table with Amy and Becca and the boys from the cricket team.

They were all great, but still, no James Campbell. James was sitting at the same table as Jessica and

her ‘group’. They’d all asked him to sit at their table at the beginning of the year so he couldn’t re-

ally say that he had already organised to sit elsewhere. He was polite, never wanting to disappoint

anybody. We sat at our tables for a majority of the night, listening to speeches from teachers, and

the students from the school council praising them selves for putting on the event.

I excused myself half way through the dinner, and left towards the bathroom. I felt a tugging on my

shoe as a walked, not realising my dress was caught until I had already fallen. My checks flushed

with embarrassment I looked up, and of course, there was James Campbell. I could tell the girls at

the table were trying to hold back their laughter.

“I’m so sorry” I said bowing my head. And before I could stand up, I felt the comfort of his hand on

my bare back, trying to help me up.

“You ‘right there?”

We glanced at each other for a moment, before he offered to take me to the bathroom so I didn’t fall

over again on my way. His hand still on my back, I worried that he could feel my heart racing. We

walked around the corner to the bathroom and I thanked him, but he didn’t say anything. He just

stared at me for a moment and leant his head forward.

“You look nice tonight Ally.” The smile that graced his face moments before, moulded into some-

thing more serious before he let his head fall and walked away.

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Knock. Knock.

It’s him, he’s here. I walk down the stairs to let him in, but Mum’s at the door already talking to

James.

“Thank you so much for coming, we appreciate the help so much. It’s a big help to Ally. Big help!”

Mum’s getting over enthusiastic again and she’s got her latin music playing.

“Mr. Campbell, hi. All my stuffs upstairs.” I try smiling at him, but I’m not sure that that’s what’s

happening. I imagine my face looks deformed. He was different today, he wasn’t wearing his usual

suit and tie, he was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I like him like this.

“Yeah, ugh, let’s get started Ally?”

“Ally, can I talk to you for a moment?” Mum gets all serious for James.

“Mr. Campbell, did you want to head up? She’ll be with you in a seccy! Second door on your right.

Make yourself comfortable.” She turns to me with a more serious look.

“Mum that’s the lounge room, all my stuff’s in my room?”

“Yes I know and that’s where you’ll be studying. I don’t want him in your room, it’s too personal.”

“Then why’d you make me clean it Mum?” I know this is an unnecessary argument but she does

this all the time. She makes me do things for some reason that she’ll make up and then changes her

mind. I spent ages cleaning my room and now she’s saying he’s not even allowed in it. I get it, he’s

my teacher, but it’s not like anything’s going to happen. Even if when I look in his eyes it makes

me want to fall into a pit of fire just to be able kiss him.

I turn from Mum and head up to the lounge room where James is waiting. We never use it anymore.

It’s where we keep all of my old toys and baby photo. My baby photos!

“Did you want anything to drink before you go up stairs? I’ve got some guava and pineapple juice

that I made with the new juicer!”

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I run down the hallway past my room, and swing open the door to the lounge room. They’re every-

where. My chubby baby face, my dancing photos, my naked… baby… bum. James is sitting on the

couch, in the centre of the room, with a perfect view of everything.

“So what is it that you actually wanted to work on? Your Mum said you were getting a bit lost in

class?” I face towards him but he’s facing his head to the book they are displayed on the table in

from of him. I walk around the room picking up all the baby photos and facing them downwards.

“I umm.. I don’t exactly have any trouble with one particular thing, it’s more just in general you

know.” I push all the toys under the couch he’s sitting on. It’s all out of sight.

“Alright well, let’s just go over the first unit, yeah?”

Knock. Knock.

“Sorry I’m late.” He seemed odd, the way he walked to his his desk was vulnerable, his shoulders

not proudly back as they normally were. How he presented himself in general was different to his

usual ‘bossman’ exterior. I couldn’t tell if he was more relaxed or more uptight. He looked almost

younger. The way he couldn’t make eye contact with anyone, especially me, it seemed almost like

he was intimidated. Was it what he said the night before? The way he was acting? It seemed quite

weird for him to say something like that to me, not that I didn’t like it. His face was so close to

mine, was something going to happen? I didn’t care if I was overthinking it, I’d been waiting a year

for this.

It started on the second day of school when I walked into my first Health Sciences class. And there

was Jimmy Campbell standing at the door way. Of course Jessica Richieder had already made her-

self known to him. He gave me a charming grin and a nod as I walked in. I guess he did the same to

the rest of the people walking past, but that didn’t stop me from using my imagination. His smile

was so sweet, his eyes so kind and everything about him made me want to jump on him. It was

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since then that I knew who I wanted to be with. I didn’t care that I had known him for less than a

minute, I had made up my mind.

Knock. Knock.

Mum comes in with a giant cheese platter matched with the same size grin on her face “I just love

cheese platters don’t you?! They’re so fun! Enjoy you two.” She jives out of the room, her Latin

music playing loudly from the kitchen. She closes the door blocking out the sound.

“I’m so sorry.” I say to him. He just smiles at me and starts to try and explain some question from

one of the three text books that are splayed on the table in front of us. I watch how his lips move

when he speaks, how his ear’s bob up and down when his jaw moves, every angle of his face so

prominent. He looks so strong.

“And what would you answer that with Ally?” His smile turns more serious as he looks towards

me. I think he knows I’ve been staring. Our faces towards each other. I can feel his breath on my

skin.

“I… um… I’m not sure.” I turn my head away, but he moves his hand forward and holds the bottom

of my chin.

“Ally you need to listen. You don’t want to fail do you?” He grins and turns away his head. He con-

tinues on with what he was saying. Was that too close? I swear I could have kissed him then. What

if I had? What if I kissed James Campbell? Mr. Campbell.

Knock. Knock.

“Mrs. Purga, come in. Take a seat.” Mum sat down in front of Mr. Campbell’s desk, and dragged

me by her side to sit next to her.

“Ally said she was getting a bit lost in your class.”

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I looked at Mum wide eyed.

“I think it would be good if perhaps you could help her one-on-one, at our house even. I would pay

you of course. I understand it’s a lot to ask of you.”

My heart pounds. I can’t do one-on-one tutoring. I can’t be alone with him.

“I’m not sure about professional boundaries, Mrs. Purga. I’d have to ask the principal. I’m happy to

help if I can.” James, Mr. Campbell, looked at mum delicately.

“Oh of course not Mr. Campbell, besides, this is for Ally’s benefit, it would be a great help to her.”

Mr. Campbell seemed tense as he tried to force out a smile.

Knock. Knock.

His face jumps further away from mine. He looks guilty about what almost happened. Was he

thinking the same as I was? Did he want to kiss me?

“I brought some of that juice for you! Can you open the door Ally?!” Mum’s yelling through the

door, not leaving us alone.

“I think she thinks you’re cute.” I hope that what I say might break the tension. He lets out a little

smile and a chuckle before I get up to open the door for Mum. I look at her, one eyebrow raised as

she tries to enter the room.

“Mum you keep coming in, it’s distracting” I whisper.

“Well I’m sorry love! I just want to be a good host!”

“Mum!”

She moves her mouth in mockery as she walks out the door.

“I’m sorry again…”

“It’s alright, she seems like she just wants to know what’s going on with you you know? It’s nice

that she actually cares what’s going on in your life.” His eyes glimmered with sincerity. He really

seems to care about the relationship between me and my mother and I can’t understand why, but it’s

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something that I’m not going to take for granted. Any sign of interest he has in me I’ll take as a pos-

itive. I want James Campbell. And there’s a chance that he wants me too.

We sit on the couch legs crossed, books in front but neither of us say a word. Instead he’s looking at

me, wide eyed with a smile on his face. I tuck my hair behind my ear and lean my head to the left

revealing the nape of my neck. His smile turns a little more sensual. I flick the pages over in the

book one by one, making each moment feel longer, and I feel his eyes moving all over my body.

“Mr. Campbell I want to talk to you about something…” He knows.

“So I should start with a Batchelor of Health Sciences you think? Keep my options open to other

areas of health?” I play with my neck, trying to draw attention to it, then my lips.

“Argh yeah, it provides an overview of biomedical sciences, public health, health behaviours and

the healthcare system which is a… good start.” I can tell he’s getting distracted.

“You can always get into more depth of the area that you choose later, it’s good… to… ugh… just

start at the basics.”

Before long I feel the pressure of his lips push against mine. The warmth of his body exudes onto

mine and I feel every last breath escaping from inside me. His hand on my back brings me closer to

his body as he lowers me down gently on the couch. His breath flows over my neck and shoulders

as we kiss.

“Mr. Campbell I…” I lift his head up softly, his eyes meet mine and I can see nothing but sincerity

and affection.

“Ally I’m sorry, this is so inappropriate I shouldn’t have done it. I really care about you and I would

never want to hurt you or pressure you into doing anything that you weren’t comfortable with.

You’re my student, maybe we should keep it like that.”

His whole face seems to sink. I don’t want just to be his student, I want him. I’ll always want James

Campbell. I force my lips onto his and I feel his body giving in.

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“Ally can you bring down the dirty plates?” Mum’s yelling from down stairs. Her voice makes me

jump as I lean down to pick up my jumper that was thrown onto the floor not moments before. I

leave towards the door but James reaches out taking hold of my hand. I can’t tell if what I have

done was perhaps one of the best decisions I have ever made or one of the worst. James Campbell,

so precious, and so beautiful. His eyes so kind and his intentions so pure. What just happened didn’t

exactly feel pure. But it did feel special, it felt right. I turn back to look at him, and his eyes catch

mine. Was he thinking the same?

“Ally this is… you know we can’t tell anyone.”

“I know.”

Knock. Knock.