exposing 8 common myths about resilience

EXPOSING 8 COMMON MYTHS ABOUT RESILIENCE

Marquita Herald Discover Resilient Living

The True Nature of Resilience More has been published on the topic of resilience in the past 3 years than in the previous thirty, yet there remains a surprising number of myths. In part this has to do with lack of understanding about what it really is, why it matters, and how one gets it. Further blurring the lines are the many catchwords and theories fueled by the initial research such as grit, hardiness, lotus of control, self-efficacy, and the ever popular inner strength.

Discover Resilient Living

The purpose of this presentation is to expose the truth behind the myths and create a basis for understanding the value of this powerful characteristic. For example, the research on resilience has been ongoing for over 6 decades and has grown from focusing on childhood trauma to recognizing that the highly resilient tend to be healthier and live longer, are more successful in school and work, are less prone to depression and happier in relationships. And you have the ability to tap into this reserve every single day! Discover Resilient Living

Myth #1 It’s Just More Positive Thinking Nonsense

Let’s get this out of the way first. It’s fair to say that positive psychology is not accepted by everyone. In fact, some not only scoff at those who buy into it but claim the pursuit of all those warm and fuzzy feelings, is, in reality, making people more miserable than ever. On the other hand, there is plenty of solid scientific research that indicates such things as optimism, humor, faith and hope have significant emotional as well as physical benefits.


Regardless of where you happen to fall in this debate, the critical thing to understand about resilience is that while positive thinking absolutely plays a role, it is just one element of a balanced approach to living and managing life’s challenges. It is worth noting, however, that research has shown that those who are highly resilient tend to naturally experience more positive emotions as a result of an enhanced sense of confidence in their ability to control the quality and course of their own life.


Myth #2 Either You Have It Or You Don’t

While it is true that some people seem to remain seemingly unflappable regardless of what life throws at them, we are all born with some level of psychological and physical resilience. How much will depend on things that naturally contribute to personality development, such as heredity, social factors, and the environment. The most important thing to keep in mind is that anyone can strengthen their capacity for resilience over time. Discover Resilient Living

Resilience, however, is not developed in a vacuum. It is strengthened by taking intentional action over time, much the same way you would build a muscle, and the most effective way to do that is to learn to build your capacity on a day-to-day basis rather than waiting to be blindsided by a crisis and hoping for the best.


Myth #3 Resilience is a Set of Skills

Resilience is often represented in advice and “how to” articles as a list of skills to be developed. The truth is that emotional resilience is not a simple skill that comes complete with a set of instructions like learning to ride a bike or drive a car. In fact, it isn’t a skill at all; it’s an attribute supported by mindset and key behaviors and a genuine sense of accountability that combine to create the capacity for emotional resilience.


Following are a few of the key behaviors of the highly resilient. • Confidence in problem-solving and

decision-making abilities. • Capable of managing emotions. • Driven to strengthen self-awareness. • Maintining a reliable support system. • Willingness to be fully accountable for

their own life. • Committed to physical and emotional

self-care. • Able to see opportunities for growth in

all experiences. • Finds strength through a sense of

purpose.


Myth #4 It’s Preparing For A Crisis That

May Never Happen Many people believe that doing the work to intentionally develop resilience is a waste of time, like preparing for a crisis that may or may not ever happen. The primary reason for this myth has a great deal to do with the early research on the concept which did, in fact, focus almost exclusively on childhood trauma and recovery from extreme crisis situations.


However, as the research on psychological resilience has continued over the years researchers have progressively broadened their studies. It is now believed that “resilience behaviors” not only provide people with a level of confidence and fortitude that they can use to cope when life gets tough, it also contributes to building stronger relationships and thriving in their day-to-day lives.


Myth #5 It’s About Being Tough

The word “tough” is commonly used in definitions of resilience, but this implies resilience is all about “manning up” when it’s much more about flexibility and inner strength. My favorite analogy has to do with the sturdy oak versus the fragile appearing bamboo. The oak tree appears outwardly impressive and powerful, but when pummeled with persistent wind and rain it will eventually succumb to the elements because it lacks the flexibility to withstand the ongoing pressure.


On the other hand, while the bamboo tree gently sways in the breeze, it has deep roots and an inner strength that makes it capable of enduring bitterly cold winters and extremely hot summers and is very often the only tree left standing in the aftermath of a typhoon. A key element of resilience is the ability to adapt. It’s about learning to grow through all of your experiences as you make peace with such things as uncertainty, change and fear, knowing that, no matter what obstacles you may face in life, you will be okay. Discover Resilient Living

Myth #6 Having It Means Fewer Problems

It’s not that those who are highly resilient experience fewer of life’s hard knocks; it’s that they appear less affected because they choose not to let circumstances define them. They are able to quickly move forward as a result of having developed effective decision-making and problem-solving skills and are motivated by a purpose beyond themselves, transcending stress and uncertainty and perceiving hard times as what they are … temporary.


Myth #7 Adversity Makes People Stronger

We all love stories about people who not only overcome extreme adversity but appear to thrive as a result of their experiences, a process called post-traumatic growth. The important thing to understand is that this growth did not come about as a result of the adverse situation, but rather because of the way in which they responded to the experience. In the words of an extreme trauma survivor … Discover Resilient Living

Myth #8 It’s You Against The World

Although the focus is typically on the individual, an important, but often overlooked building block in the process of developing emotional resilience, is cultivating a healthy support group. We can all benefit from social and emotional support and while it may seem counterintuitive, having a strong support system can actually make you better able to cope with problems on your own, by improving your confidence and sense of self-empowerment.


How Resilient Are You Now? Only you can answer this question, but there will be some pretty compelling clues in past decisions, the way you handle unexpected change, stress and the demands of life on a day-to-day basis. But as much as anything resilience is a mindset and overall outlook on life. The resilient tend to be highly self-aware and able to find opportunities for growth in all of their experiences.


If you consider that common behaviors associated with emotional resilience include confident decision making, persistence, practicing self-care, a sense of meaning and purpose in life, an optimistic outlook and a clear connection to your values and priorities, it's easy to see what we’re looking at is really a lifestyle choice, which is why I call it Resilient Living.


Marquita Herald

Independent writer, author, resilience coach, founder and chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living

http://www.emotionallyresilientliving.com/

exposing 8 common myths about resilience

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