family secrets liz byrski€¦ · family secrets liz byrski book club discussion points thank you...
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![Page 1: Family Secrets Liz Byrski€¦ · Family Secrets Liz Byrski BOOK CLUB DISCUSSION POINTS Thank you for choosing Family Secrets for your book club. Here are some discussion points you](https://reader033.vdocument.in/reader033/viewer/2022050508/5f993d25ac802d50b75feb23/html5/thumbnails/1.jpg)
FamilySecrets LizByrskiBOOKCLUBDISCUSSIONPOINTS
www.lizbyrski.com
ThankyouforchoosingFamilySecretsforyourbookclub.Herearesomediscussionpointsyoumayliketouse.AfterConniearrivesinEnglandsherealises“TherehavebeensomanytimesinthelongmarriagetoGeraldwhenshehaslongedtobefree,andnevermoresothanduringthelasttenyears.Butwhatwillshedowiththisfreedom?...howisshesupposedtolivethisfreedom,overhungwithgriefandguilt?”Whatmakesfeelingfreeaftercaringforsomeonewithaterminal
illnesssocomplex?WasConnie’sdecisiontoimmediatelygoawayafterGeralddiedtherightone?WhydoyouthinksheallowedGeraldtocurtailherfreedomsduringthemarriage?WhilesheiswaitingforConnie’sarrivalinPortd’Esprit,FloraconsidersherlifeworkingwithSuzanneatthehotel.“Ithasn’tallbeenworkofcourse,andmuchofithasbeenaverygoodlife,butrightnowFloraseesherselfasshefearsothersmightseeher:thewillinghelper,thedogsbody,makingsomeoneelse’slifeworkbecauseshehasnolifeofherown”.WhydoyouthinkFloracareshowothersseeheratthatparticulartimeinherlife?Isthissomethingthataffectsmenaswellaswomen?Howdowelearnnotbeaffectedbyothers’opinionsofourselves?Secretsareattheheartofthisbook.ConnietellsBrooke“It’sGrandad’sway.Ithinkitmadehimfeelincontrolofthings,butit’sdivisive.IsupposeIlearneditfromhim”.FlorastruggleswithConnie’sapparentcomplicityinkeepingthesecretsthatGeralddemanded.Brookeisaffectedbyallthesecretstheadultsinthefamilyseemtobekeepingfromeachother.Whydideveryoneagreetokeepthevarioussecrets?Whensecretsdamageothers,isthepersonwhodemandsthesecretmoreresponsibleforthatdamagethanthosewhoagreetokeepthem?HowresponsibleisConnieforhowmuchFlora’slifewasaffected?BothKerryandAndrewstrugglewithalifetimeoffeelingtheywereunnoticedbytheirfatherorthatheevenacknowledgedtheirachievements.Whydowecontinuetoseekparentalapprovalasadults?Canparentalapprovalasanadultmakeupforlackofapprovalasachild?Whileweasreadersnever‘meet’Geralddirectly,fromothers’thoughts,memoriesanddiscussions,heisnotaverylikeablecharacter.Heseemstohaveactedfromapositionoffear.Bea“realisedlongagothatGerald’sapparentconfidenceandsenseofhisownauthoritywasrootedinafearofhisownirrelevance”.Doesthatmeanhedeservesoursympathy?
![Page 2: Family Secrets Liz Byrski€¦ · Family Secrets Liz Byrski BOOK CLUB DISCUSSION POINTS Thank you for choosing Family Secrets for your book club. Here are some discussion points you](https://reader033.vdocument.in/reader033/viewer/2022050508/5f993d25ac802d50b75feb23/html5/thumbnails/2.jpg)
FamilySecrets LizByrskiBOOKCLUBDISCUSSIONPOINTS
www.lizbyrski.com
BothAndrewandKerrythoughtaboutmissedopportunitiesasadultstogettoknowtheirfatherbetter.Whatdoyouthinkstoppedthemfromtrying?Wouldunderstandinghimbetterhavehelpedthemwiththeirownissues?
DespitethephysicaldistanceandthestricturesfromGerald,ConniekeptupcontactwithFloraviaemailandskype.AfterConnieabruptlyleftthelunchattheIvy,Floracommented“YoucametoFranceandIwasthrilledtoseeyouagain,butIknewitwouldbedifferent,becausewehadbothchanged.Ourfriendshipneededwork–itneededupdating.”Howwastheirfriendshipaffectedbylivingindifferentcountries?DidFloraandConniehaveaninvestmentinusingthepasttodefinetheirfriendship?Howisitpossibleto‘update’afriendship?ItseemsthatKerryknowsshehasdepressionandhashaditbefore.“Somesortofwallhasgrownupbetweenherandotherpeople,cuttingherofffromeveryonesheloves,evenherchildren...Shehasgonethroughperiodslikethisinthelastfewyearsbuttheyhavepassed:thistime,however,itseemstohavebecomeapermanentstate.”Whydoyouthinkshedidn’tseekhelporeventalktoChrisaboutit?Howmuchdoyouthinkherinabilitytocopewithherfather’sdeteriorationwouldhavecontributedtohernotspeakingofhowshewasfeeling?AsFlorapondersherfutureshegrappleswithhowherlifehasunfolded.“Wisdomhasevadedher,shehasnotachievedgreatspiritualdepths,nordiscoveredlastingearthlylove,despitemanyattempts.Nowassheteeterstowardsanunplannedoldage,shemightaswellbesteppingintoavoid.”Wecanplanfinanciallyforoldage,butisitpossibletoplanfortheemotionalchangesoldagebrings?Andwhatdoyouthinkthosechangesmightbe?BothConnieandFlorarevisittheirpastwhentheyvisitEngland,bothlookingforanswers.Conniesays“That’swhyI’mherenowwithyou,churningupthepast,burrowingintoitlikewoodwormintoprecioustimber,prickingmyselfonthesplintersasIgo,believingifIdigdeeperIwillsomehowdiscoversomethingIleftbehindthatwillnourishmenow,alltheseyearslater.”Doesrevisitingthepasthelpustoworkoutwhoweareasweage?Orisitpurelyindulginginnostalgia?Idohopeyouenjoyyourdiscussion.