Chapter Five

Oh My Plumbbob! Hold

your llamas! Veronica

meets Consort! So

what does that mean

for the series? Hmm…

Welcome back to Finding

Consort Redux by Kelyns!

It’s the same old silly story,

now in PowerPoint! This chapter was originally

Chapter 7 Parts 1 and 2, in

case anyone was

wondering, and let’s get to

it. I believe we left off with

Veronica planning to

cowplant Dagmar…

Ch 5:

Aarghh!!

But first an announcement! This chapter’s a bit different from previous chapters; in fact, this chapter’s going to be narrated by me, Kelyns. Or rather, my simself. Veronica’s taking a little break—

“What?!”

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT HOSTING THIS CHAPTER? This is MY story! And I don't wanna take a break!

Sorry, Veronica, but parts of this chapter require a different narrator this time. So... take a break. If you don't like it, tough.

Well, I never! How dare you! I've never been so insulted! After all I've done for you, you can't just-

And that's enough out of you for now. Say bye, bye Veronica. Now, where was I? Right. Narrating. Ahem. So, last time in Finding Consort, I left off...

Here. I was calling someone in the Capp family who could introduce Veronica to Consort.

“Kelyns! What's up?"

"Well, actually... I need a favor, ol' buddy ol' pal..."

"Oh, yeah? What kind of favor?"

"Well, no matter how many times she goes downtown, Veronica just can't seem to find Consort. So, I was wondering if you could introduce her to your father."

"Hmm, let me think about it..."

“No."

"Oh, come on! Why not?“

"No, you come on! Are you kidding me? You're seriously asking me to introduce my

father to some woman who is trying to steal his money and consequently my inheritance?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Veronica isn't just some woman! You guys are best friends! And you shouldn't be worried about money, you're very well off-"

"Oh, yeah? Well off, huh? You call living in a half renovated house with only a few thousand simoleons to my name and four kids to send to college 'well off'? And, might I add, those kids are still at home driving me bonkers. Albany and I never

have time alone... And anyway, you want me to just hand over my future inheritance to some hussy straight out of CAS?"

"Hmm... well... I guess I did forget about playing your family for a while... But look at the bright side! Most people leave you in the sim bin; I bet a few even delete you... But you've got a roof over your head, a warm bed, and you got to watch your

children grow into the wonderful adolescents they are now."

"Are you kidding me? You expect me to buy that crap? Look, my house is EMPTY. I don't even have lights, which is why all my pictures are so dark! I'm living on the barest necessities and cheapest skilling equipment! I'm fortune, ok? I want STUFF.

And I'm not doing anything unless something is in it for me."

"Oh, alright, fine. What do you want?"

"That's more like it. I want you to finish my house- I mean fully furnished and renovated."

"Is that all?"

"Heck, no. Send my kids to college; get them outta here. And not to one of those shoddy dorms either, someplace nice."

"Ok, ok. Done and done. And you'll introduce Veronica at your birthday party in a week."

A week later, here is Goneril Capp's house. Yup, nice car AND a pool. It didn't take long, as both Goneril and her husband Albany were near the top of their careers and brought in a substantial income everyday.

Here's the first floor, lot's of space, big kitchen/dining room...

And here's the second floor. Master bedroom in the middle, with a study off to the side, and a master bathroom. On the other side, there are three, yes, THREE guest bedrooms, for when her kids visit, and a guest bathroom. Sigh. The things I do for my

sims.

"Alright everybody, it's party time! Come on over!"

"Okay, KB, everyone's here. Though, I can't believe you're actually making me grow up. You know, some sims get to live forever."

"Hey, you got a pretty nice house here, don't push it."

"And I'm grateful. But now that Veronica and Consort are in the same room, my job is done here, so I think I'll just examine that nice shiny new bar in the corner..."

"Wait a minute, just hold on. You're job's far from done. Hmm... Since you don't have that 'introduce to' option, how 'bout you influence Consort to talk to Veronica?"

"But wwwhhhyyy?"

"Oh, come on, Goneril, you really didn't think I'd go to all this trouble to put those two in the same room and not make sure they actually met one another?"

Sigh. "Well, I was hoping they would spend the entire party avoiding one another..."

"Fat chance."

"Hmpf, fine."

"Ah, there's the birthday girl... Happy birthday, Goneril; long time no see."

"Thanks, Dad. It's good to see you, too."

"You know, I never thought I'd see the day my eldest became an elder."

"Yeah, well neither did I. Listen, Dad, there's someone I want you to meet. She's, um, a big fan of yours."

"Oh, really? Is she one of those aspiring fortune sims looking for advice? Cuz I get that all the time; these young sims are just so enamored of me."

"Um, sure, Dad, let's go with that."

"I even have a fan club, you know. Plenty of women are just dying to meet a man of my caliber."

"Look, Dad, could you just talk to her? She's a business tycoon, and with you being a CEO, I'm sure you two can find something to talk about."

"Sure, I guess I wouldn't mind giving a youngster some pointers."

"Uh, Dad, she's a business tycoon. I think she knows a bit more than you-"

"Nonsense, you youngsters can always benefit from a few words of wisdom from an

older, more talented, and much more experienced sim such as myself."

"Yeah, ok, Dad, just go talk to her."

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for: Veronica FINALLY meets Consort!!!!!

"Well, hello there-"

V: *Groan* "Aw, man..."

"What? What did I say?"

"Nothing, I'm sorry sir, please continue."

"Right, well my name is Consort Capp, and..."

What Veronica is really hearing: "Blah, blah, blah, blah-bitty blah, blah..."

"And Goneril told me you wanted some advice from a legendary, successful businessman such as myself, and so I would be happy to give you a few pointers. For example..."

What Veronica hears: "Blah Blah Blah, Blah Blah Blah Blah, Blah Blah Blah Blah-bitty Blah."

V, thinking to herself: Oh my Plumbbob! I can't believe I actually wanted to marry this sim.

Yup, Veronica actually gagged after Consort tried to talk to her. Confused as to why Veronica doesn't like him? Yeah, me, too. Pissed off that after seven chapters, when Veronica finally meets the man of her dreams, she hates him? Yeah, me, too.

Consort: "Oh, it was horrible, horrible I tell you... How could you want me to meet such a rude uptight sim?"

Goneril, thinking to herself: YES! Thank you karma.

KB: "So how'd it go?"

Goneril: "Apparently not well-"

C: "Horrible, horrible!"

G: "But you can't blame me, I did my part."

KB: "Don't try to weasel out of this, G. Fix it!"

C: "I've never been so insulted!"

G: "Why?"

KB: "Because if you don't I'll sell all your fancy new stuff and send you spiraling into aspirational failure seconds before your birthday."

G: Sigh.

C: "Absolutely horrible!"

"Such rudeness... oh, it was horrible, I tell you..."

"DAD, stop whining! You are rude and uptight!"

"And I have every right to be after the way she treated me. Doesn't anybody teach

young people manners nowadays?"

*Rolls eyes* "Listen, Dad, why don't you try again? I'm sure she didn't mean to be rude, she's probably just not feeling well. Try a different approach."

"Hmph, fine, but I'll have you know I'm only doing it because it's your birthday."

C: "Uh, so... what some of your interests? ...do you like to play doctor? Because me and my wife loved to play doctor."

V: "Are you kidding me?"

C: "No... Isn't that what young sims like to do these days? Role Playing? My wife and I got into it, too. She used to dress up and..."

V thinking to herself: Doctor? EEEWWW! I can't believe I signed up for this...

"What? You don't like to play doctor? Well, I suppose you could dress up as a maid or pirate, but don't you think they're a little overdone?"

"Are you serious? I'm not dressing up for you; you just met me, you perv!"

"I'll have know that there are hordes of women who would like to play doctor with me! Why just last week Mrs. CrumpleBottom said that I make a very dashing doctor, and Mrs. Jacquet believes that I could have my own sitcom!"

"Good! Go bother one of them!" *Storms off*

"Look, I give up, KB. I tried, but I guess they just don't have any chemistry..." *Giggles with glee*

"Oh, no, Goneril, I'm not giving up on them just yet."

"Veronica!"

"Yeeess?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Everything, if you ask me."

"Shut up, Goneril. Look, V, don't you want to marry Consort? Haven't you been dreaming of meeting him for the past month? Isn't the want to marry a rich sim

locked in your want panel as we speak? Isn't meeting and falling love with him the whole point of this story?"

"Um, yeah..."

"Then what the heck is wrong with you?"

"Uh, I don't know exactly... Something just feels off... Maybe if *I* were narrating..."

"But anyway, come on, KB, can you blame me? He asked me if I wanted to play doctor! And he's not even romance! I mean I know he's lonely and all... But that's just disgusting... and pervy... and creepy... but mostly disgusting."

"Well, maybe he didn't mean it like you thought."

"Pfft, yeah, sure."

Sigh. "Look, V, I can only do so much, so if you're serious about marrying Consort,

this is your chance. There's still some time left before this party ends to turn things around. Otherwise... I guess you can always call Dagmar..."

"HEY! Not funny!"

"Well, what do you say, then? Do you want give it another try?"

"Of course. I have to prove Dagmar wrong, don't I? I WILL marry Consort."

"Ok, V, I'm supposed to influence you to talk to Consort, but are you sure? You can still change your mind, you know..."

"That's okay, Goneril."

"Really, are you positive?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you're positive?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure you're sure?"

"Goneril!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh."

V, to herself: It's all for the money, V. It's all for the money...

V: "So, Consort-"

"Hey, wha?"

"Hmph, I'm not talking to you. Not after you insulted me twice."

"Oh, come on, I just want to talk to you! I could really use some advice from a brilliant, successful, upstanding sim like you..."

"Nope, you had your chance, missy; too late."

V, to herself: Oh, crud! What am I gonna do now?

"Yippee! This is going better than I thought it would!"

"No, it's not. This is an absolute disaster. My only condolence is that I get to watch you crustify!"

"Right, well... Let's get on with it, shall we?"

Hmm, what should I wish for? ...How about for Veronica to stay away from my inheritance?

Well! Now, I don't look too bad at all, if I do say so myself.

After the cake and festivities, I asked Consort to reconsider being nice to Veronica.

"So, Consort... Do you think you could reconsider talking to Veronica? I sure if you

just give her another chance, you'd find that you two are totally compatible..."

"Absolutely not! I've lost enough precious moments of my life talking to that prude. I've got a whole horde of gorgeous ladies fawning over me, I don't need to waste my time with her."

*Rolls eyes* Yeah, right buddy... only in your mind...

"Look, Consort, maybe you don't know who I am-"

"And maybe you don't know who I am! I run this town, lady, and I don't have to answer to you or anyone else!" *Storms off*

Whoa! I couldn't believe that old looney treated me like that... It's time I had a 'talking to' with him. But time was running out for the party, so... time for Plan B.

"Hey, Juliette! You don't know me, but I just wanted to make sure I talked to you before the party ended so I could call you later..."

"And, like, why would I let you call me?"

"So you can get airtime in this story, duh!"

"Hmm... Like, well, I guess it's okay."

But before the party ended, I had Goneril influence Consort to talk to Veronica one last time. I just couldn't believe that these two disliked each other so much.

But Consort didn't get to talk to her because she was too busy playing chess. That didn't stop her from giving him nasty looks though.

Sigh. What am I going to do? The party was a complete disaster... Actually, it was a roof raiser, but Veronica and Consort practically hate each other...

So when I got back home, I put plan B into action right away.

*Ring Ring*

"Look at me... I'm so pretty... I don't know why Romeo would be rolling wants to meet new people when his girlfriend is, like, the hottest teen in town.."

*Ring Ring*

"SOMEBODY GET THAT!"

*Ring Ring*

"I'M BUSY!"

*Ring Ring*

"STILL BUSY!"

*Ring Ring*

"Sigh. Must I do everything myself?"

"Yeah, hello?"

"Juliette! It's me, KB! We met at your aunt's birthday party, remember?"

"Oh, yeah.... Whadda you want?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you could invite me over-"

"Ugh! Like, NO! What for?"

"I need to talk to your grandfather, but we had a little disagreement, so he's not likely to invite me...“

"Yeah, well, I, like, fail to see how this is, like, my problem."

"This may not be your problem, but Tybalt beating the snot out of your boyfriend on free will is. If you invite me over, I can guarantee that your boyfriend will remain in one piece. I'll tell your brother to go skill or something." (Yeah, skill on body points.

But she didn't have to know that.)

"Wha? Like, no way, not uh, they're not fighting!"

"Like, yeah, huh. See, Juliette? You're pathetic boyfriend is crying after getting slapped around by your brother."

Romeo: "WAAH! He, like, h-h-hit me! Why does he have to be so mean?" *Sniff*

"If you invite me over now, it will all stop."

"Like, no way, I know all about you; like, my aunts told me. You're, like, trying to sucker me into giving away my inheritance money! But, like, not uh! Like, I'm not going to, like, let you trick me. Besides, like, my boyfriend can, like, take care of

himself."

"See? Like, my boyfriend's, like, a fighter."

Tybalt: "Why, you little creep..."

"So, there's, like, no way I'm, like, going to fall for your stupid tricks."

Hermia: "Who's that on the phone, Juliette?"

"That writer lady chick Aunt Goneril and Aunt Regan warned us about. But it's, like, no problem. I, like, got everything under control."

"Oh, really? Check the dining room again, Jules."

Tybalt: "How many times do I have to tell you?... Stay away from my sister, you twerp!"

Romeo: "Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Please, don't hurt me!"

"Are you enjoying the show, Juliette? I know I am. I think I'll get some popcorn."

Tybalt: "Now, get outta here, punk, or I'll kick your butt again."

Romeo: "Ow... Juliette! Help please!"

"Want to place bets on how long it'll take for Tybalt to fight Romeo again? I'll offer you good odds..."

"Ew, like, no. Look, like, my boyfriend may be, like, a wimp, but he's, like, my wimp, and I'm, like, still not inviting you over."

"Hmm, well, alright... I guess you can't be persuaded..." *Sigh* "Well, I guess I better go, you probably want to spend as much time with Romeo as you can, as A) Tybalt's about to kill him and B) you're gonna go off to college soon and he's not

going with you..."

"WHAT DO MEAN ROMEO'S NOT COMING WITH ME? Like, we're supposed to conquer Sim State together! And you, like, can't split us up, we're, like, the main story line!"

"Uh, like, yes I can."

"But you can't, he's, like, the love of my life!"

"Who's destined to stay a teen forever."

"But, like, WHHHYYYY?"

"Uh, like, because I don't like him."

"Besides, he's bad for you. Trust me, you deserve much more. I mean, he's romance, for Plumbbob's sake! It's practically a guarantee that he'll cheat on you."

"But, like, you don't, like, know that for sure..."

"Sweety, denial is not a river in Egypt... Trust me, you'll be much better off... Of course, I might think about reconsidering if you invite me over..."

*pouts* "Uh, like, when can you, like, come over?"

"That's the spirit, J!"

"I'm still, like, not going to forget this!"

"So?"

True to her word, Juliette invited me over that night.

"Juliette! How good to see you!"

"So, like, does this mean Romeo can, like, come to college with me?"

"No."

"Wha? BUT YOU, LIKE, PROMISED!" *Pouts*

"Noooo, I promised I'd think about letting him go with you. I thought about it. And the answer's still no."

"BUT THAT'S, LIKE, NOT FAIR!"

"My life's not fair, kid, why should yours be? Now, run along with your precious little boyfriend... I gotta speak to your grandfather."

"Hmph! CHEATER!"

It didn't take me long to find Consort. (Pause for irony.) And I didn't waste a moment to start my lecture.

"YOU! What's your problem buddy?"

"Hey, what are you doing in my house?! Interrupting my painting time, too! Leave or I'll call the police!"

"The police? Please. They can't even catch common Re Nyu Orb-stealing criminals. They cower before me, and you will, too."

"Listen, here, missy. I think you've been hitting up the bubbles too hard in university. Let me tell you who I am. I am the most successful fortune sim the sim world has ever known. I kicked Patrizio Monty's butt, married the belle of the neighborhood,

and built my legendary fortune and established the beginnings of a great legacy. Lady, I am Consort Capp, and I run this town. I cower before no one."

"THAT'S IT! Shut up and listen; I've had enough out of you. Now let me tell you something about who I am. I am the writer. I'm the 'force' that tells you what to do. Plumbbob has nothing on me. I control you and every other playable sim in your

universe. And if I so wish it, I can control all the townies as well. I've been playing this game and controlling sims just like you for six years, and let me tell you something, arsonist is my middle name and boolprop is my best friend. I run this town, buddy, and every other town in this game. I am in charge here, and you will stop yapping and listen, or so help me Plumbbob, prepare to meet the reaper."

"Well..."

"I don't buy that baloney for a second. What 'game' are you talking about? I think you need a sim shrink; you're a little whacked..."

"And no one comes into my house and tells me what to do.”

ARGH! One click. Just one click and he could be gone. Or maybe I should make him suffer and die nice and slow... Oh, if only there was a rocket set like in the Sims 1... rocket + indoors + carpet = kaboom + pretty flames + me happy... Sigh. Focus, KB, focus. This is for Veronica, remember...

"Listen. You. Sorry. Old. Man. I'm going to give you one last chance, before I tell

everyone that you're a fraud."

"What are you talking about I-"

"You are a nobody. Contessa Capp was an heiress; she had all the money. You were just a regular sim; you had nothing. The 'fortune' you have now: hers. The mansion you live in: hers. The prestigious Capp family name: hers. I mean, hello! Your name is Consort, for Plumbbob's sake, and that's exactly all you are. A consort.

In fact, I reckon the only one who knows the truth is Patrizio Monty, your former best friend... But if the truth were to get out..."

"No, please! My reputation would be ruined!"

"I'm glad to see you've reconsidered."

Sigh. "How did you find out?"

"Duh, I told you, I run this world. Let's just say I'm omnipotent and omniscient. So, listen, up-"

"Wait, wait, wait, let me just make one thing clear. I'm still the man. Men fear me, and ladies love me."

"Oh, brother. Are you kidding me? The only one who fears you is Romeo. And what ladies? Are you mental?"

"The ladies in my fan club, remember? There's Mrs. CrumpleB-"

"Oh, geez. Nevermind. I don't want to hear about your fantasy fan club, ok? I'm here to talk about Veronica."

"Oh, alright, fine. Just make it snappy."

"Right, so... What's your deal with Veronica? She's a good sim."

"Really? I just don't think she's quite my type. And she's fortune, so that makes me a

bit suspicious. I've heard about the Caliente sisters; what if Veronica's trying to undermine my family and steal my money, too?"

"Oh, please, Veronica doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She's got seven nice points. And her being fortune just means you two have lots of things in common. And why would she want your money? She's young, but she's already been to the top of two careers, so she could easily make her own fortune." (Please buy that

crap, please buy that crap.) "Plus, you're a scorpio, and she's a pisces. So, she's exactly your type." (I should know; I tweaked both your personalities...)

"I don't know... I kinda like being a bachelor-"

"Listen, Consort. Let me break it down for you. You're old. You've lived a long, full life. You ain't got much time left. The way I see it, you got two choices. You can stay

a sorry, lonely, cranky, old, looney until you die..."

"Or, you can spend the rest of your days with a nice, pretty, young sim who will love you and care for you and-"

"And we can woohoo, right?"

"Yeah, well I suppose-"

"Good, because I heard that Veronica has ten body points, and there's nothing like

sweet ten body point lovin'."

"Ew! WAY too much information. That's an image I could do without for a lifetime..."

"What? You said it yourself: I'm a lonely old man. An old man who hasn't had woohoo in years..."

"Hmm, you know KB, I'm starting to think you're right. I may just have to reconsider Veronica."

*Rolls Eyes* "Yeah, whatever. Look, if you want to give your relationship with

Veronica a chance, there's a ReNuYu Porta-Chug in your inventory. That should help patch things up between you two. It's up to you... Use it or lose it."

And with that, I left. I did all I could here, and I have a feeling things will be looking up for Veronica and Consort.

Meanwhile...

"Oh, Contessa, what should I do? You know I loved you with all my heart. But it's been years since you've passed on... Now everyone, including my own family,

expects me to live the rest of my life all alone..."

Sigh. "But what if I'm tired of living alone? What I just want some companionship? It would be nice to have someone who would care for me... To have someone to love... To have someone to spend the rest of my days with... I guess I've decided

then, huh?"

"Here's to you, Contessa. I hope you're happy where ever you are now... But I'm not going to spend the rest of my life alone in sorrow..."

"So, look out ladies..."

"Cuz Consort Capp is back!“

*****

Okay, readers, now it’s back to me. It’s been a few days since Goneril’s birthday party, but I don’t wanna dwell on that right now. Right now, it’s time to focus—time to get ready and get devious. Yup, it’s finally time to deal with this pesky Dagmar

problem. Operation Cowplant Dagmar is finally getting underway.

So, Gilbert came over the day before C-day, cowplanting-day, to get the materials he needed to set his place up. I realized that Dagmar would become a playable sim after being resurrected, and that was way too much power for CrumpleBottom's

right hand man. Or rather, woman. Anyway, I decided that Dagmar would stay with Gilbert, who could keep an eye on her and make sure that her thoughts consisted of nothing more than cheddar, parmesan, and mozzarella. I had my doubts about Gilbert; he could barely keep his mind off woohoo, after all. But he's really a good sim, and I know that he'd never intentionally try to hurt me.

"Alright, Gilbert, here's the cowplant, a ReNuYu Orb, and the bone phone, curtesy of Ravi. You know what to do, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. S'not that hard, V. All I gotta do is take the stuff out of my

inventory and put in my front yard."

"Don't forget the gate, Gilbert! This is serious stuff, here. You can't fool around! If you don't put the gate up, anyone, and I mean anyone, could be eaten!"

"Okay, just relax, Veronica. You worry too much."

"I worry for a reason! I know you, Gilbert; you're lazy and forgetful. You'll get hungry and instead of making yourself some lunch, you'll look outside the window and go 'Hey, that cake hanging from the cowplant's mouth looks mighty tasty' and the next

thing you know I have to explain to your mother why all that's left of you is a glass of milk! Smarter sims than you have fallen to the cowplant before, Gilbert. You must take every precaution available!"

"Okay, okay, geez. I got it, alright? I'll put up a gate, sheesh!"

*Sigh* "Good. But there's one more rule I have to tell you, and there's to be absolutely NO exceptions, ifs, ands, or buts. And I don't care what the

circumstances, even if you're on your deathbed or you just had a nervous breakdown from aspiration failure, you mustn't ever, ever, EVER break this rule, okay? And I mean NEVER! I mean it Gilbert, no matter, what-"

"THERE IS TO BE NO WOOHOO! Zip! Nada! Zilch! Absolutely none whatsoever!"

"I know what you romance sims are like; always distracted by the mere possibility of woohoo... Especially you, Gilbert, you can't focus on anything serious for more than five minutes-"

"Hey!"

"It's true! KB told me 'bout the filth in your want panel. Well, I'm not going to let you get distracted. Dagmar is highly dangerous and sneaky; she's CrumpleBottom's top agent for a reason, you know."

"You break this rule, Gilbert, and Dagmar will break you."

"Veronica, relax. She'll be too busy thinking about cheese to plot anything. You know grilled cheese sims, they're very single minded people."

"Don't take any chances, Gilbert, you never know with Dagmar. Just stay away from her, okay? Find your aspiration fodder somewhere else."

*Sigh* "Fine."

"I mean it Gilbert! Promise!"

"Okay, okay, I promise."

"Sheesh, you never let me have any fun..."

The next day, I met Gilbert at his house. Ravi would be by soon to call Dagmar over, since Dagmar and I were still furious with each other and Gilbert didn't know Dagmar yet. I was very nervous. I was nervous about a lot of things, actually. After

all, my meeting with Consort was a disaster. What if something went wrong today, too? I mustn't think this way, though; I have to be positive. Today was the day I'd finally be rid of Dagmar... I hoped.

"Okay, V, everything's set up just like you asked."

"Thanks again for doing all this, Gilbert."

"By the way, how did you get your mother to agree with all of this? I never would

have guessed she'd let you move in some girl she's never even met."

"Oh, that's the best part- it was a stroke of genius, really. I told my mother all about the Dagmar situation, and how Dagmar wouldn't have a place to stay after she was cowplanted; and she was really sympathetic. She totally agreed to let Dagmar stay

here. Especially when I told her that Dagmar could be our new, and completely free, live-in maid."

"NO WAY! Really?"

"Yup."

"Gilbert, I think this may the best idea you've ever had. Oh, I can see it now: A lifetime of torture for Dagmar spent cooking, cleaning, washing, and gardening, with freedom oh so close, but always just a bit out of reach... Wow, Gilbert, you

made my day!"

"Thanks, V, I try."

"And the best part is that my mother will finally have someone other than me to nag! I'll be totally free to actually go out and have fun on weekends, maybe even fit in a date or two! All by myself! I actually won't have to bring my mother! I haven't had a

Friday night all to myself in years..."

"That's nice, Gilbert, but just make sure that Dagmar doesn't have too much time to herself. We don't want her running all around the house, skilling up and making secret evil plans."

"Mm hmm, I thought you might say that. But not to worry, V, my mother be watching her like a hawk. In fact, they'll even be sharing a room... For safety, of course, not because I want to keep the attic all to myself..."

"No way! Are you kidding me? Sharing a room with your mother would make any sim go crazy!"

"I know, aren't I eeevil?"

"You know, Gilbert, I have to admit you are. I love you so much right now, I could kiss you."

"Really?!"

"No. But this plan is great; I couldn't have come up with a better one myself."

"Tee hee, Thanks. Wanna see her room?"

"Do I?! You bet!"

"Here it is, Veronica. So what do you think?"

"Hmm... It's small and cramped, with absolutely no privacy, and completely overly decorated in a sickeningly sweet pink... Dagmar will probably hate this room...”

Veronica paused. “So naturally, I think it's perfect."

"I thought so, too. And Mother absolutely loves it; she said that her new room was one of the best mother's day presents ever. Apparently all the pink makes her feel young again."

"Really? Who would' a thunk it?"

Seeing Dagmar's new living quarters really cheered me up. Today really was turning

out to be one of the best days ever!

"So where'd you put the cowplant?"

"Here it is, with the gate and everything, just like you said. And, as you can see, it's hungry, too."

"You know, Gilbert, I underestimated you. You've obviously got everything under control. Now, you do remember what I said yesterday, right? The golden rule?"

"Er... What was that again?"

"Gilbert! No woohoo with Dagmar!"

"Oh, yeah, right, right. That, yes, of course."

"I'm serious Gilbert, don't mess with her!"

"Okay! Geez, Veronica, you think I'd actually be stupid enough to let Dagmar seduce me? Come on, give me some credit!"

"Alright, but I'm trusting you, Gilbert. From here on out, there's no going back, and you're the only thing- er, sim- that'll be between me and Dagmar on a rampage for revenge, so-"

"Veronica, I've got it, okay? I am perfectly capable of keeping my hands off Dagmar."

"You can trust me, I promise."

"Sorry, Gilbert, I didn't mean to imply that you're not trustworthy, it's just... Well, I'm nervous; I don't want anything to go wrong. Forgive me?"

"Of course. And here comes Ravi, you'd better go inside 'til Dagmar gets here."

"Okay."

"Where have you been? You're late!"

"I had class, and chill out, will ya?"

"Chill out? If something goes wrong today, we could all be in danger. I've been up

all night making preparations. And what have you been doing? Huh? Nothing."

"May I remind you who got the cowplant and the bone phone in the first place? I've done my part already."

"Humph, I still don't see why Veronica needs you here. You're useless."

"As opposed to you, the romance sim who can't stop thinking of woohoo every five seconds? Yeah, right. I don't know why Veronica trusts you. Try not to screw things up, will ya?"

"Why you little-"

"Just give me the phone; we can argue with each other later."

And soon, there she was: Dagmar. Look at her. Doesn't she look like an evil, scheming, no good, back stabbing- Ahem. Sorry, forgot myself for a moment there.

"Ravi! So good to see you. How've you been? I thought for sure you wouldn't want to be friends after Veronica and I- er, stopped talking to each other."

"Yeah, Dagmar, about that... I didn't ask you here because I wanted to catch up..."

"Oh, what do mean?"

V: "He means he called you here so we can kick your butt. It's time for a little revenge, Dagmar. You're finally going down."

G, trying to sound tough: "Yeah, what she said."

"What!? Ravi, how could you do this to me? I thought we were best friends!"

"Sorry, Dagmar, but Veronica comes first. And what you did to her was wrong. You tried to trick her into falling in love with you.“

D: "Grr, fine. I don't need you anyway! And, you, Veronica! To think I was going to be lenient and give you some time to rethink my marriage proposal... No matter, I'll just take you now; a few spells and you'll never know the difference."

V: "Listen, you crazy lunatic, I'm not going anywhere with you!"

G: "Yeah, the only one going anywhere is you! And you're going straight to hell!"

V: "Hey, nice comeback, Gilbert."

G: "Thanks, you know, I've been working on my witty banter-"

D: "Ugh, shut up, you moron. And I refuse to be sucked into whatever little trap you pea brains came up with. You think you can stop me, well, think again-"

"I kicked your butt once before, Veronica, and I can do it again."

"I don't think so; this time will be different. And there's no way I'm marrying a deranged psycho like you. Just the thought of it makes me sick."

"What did I tell you about insulting me and our love?!" *SLAP,SLAP,SLAP*

"And what did I tell you about hitting me, weirdo?" *Shove*

"THAT'S IT! It's time to teach you some respect!" *Tackles her*

"Maybe after I rearrange your face, you'll appreciate my love for you!"

"You whack job! Why would I fall in love with you after you smacked me?" *Shove*

"It's called tough love!" *Slap* "You'll thank me when you've come to your senses!"

*Smack*

G: *Gasp* "Who knew girls could be so violent?"

"Say-" *Whack* "You-" *Whack* "Love-" *Whack* "Me!" *Whack, Whack*

G: "Ooo, that's got to hurt..."

"NEVER!" *Slap*

"THEN DIE!" *Tackles*

G: "Oh, gosh, I can't look..."

*Gasp* "Can't... Breathe..."

"See what happens when you disobey me? You suffer! Why-" *Smack* "You-" *Whack* "Gotta-" *Slap* "Make-" *Bashes* "Me-" *Punch* "Wanna-" *Throttles* "Kill

you?" *Smothers*

"Argh, GET OFF!"

R: "Come on, V, you can do it! Don't give up now..."

"Your stupid tricks won't work on me anymore, Dagmar!" *Shove* "This time, I'm bringing you down for good!" *Tackle*

G: "Oh, the violence! Is it over?"

R: "I don't know, I can't watch either."

V: "Ha! Not so tough now, are we?"

G: "Must... Stop... Watching..."

R: "Can't... It's like a car accident... You wanna stop looking, but you just can't stop

watching..."

G: "Cars can have accidents?"

R: "Oh, brother, never mind."

"And that's what happens when you cross Veronica Norwood!" *Kick*

G: "Hey, watch where you're throwing deranged psychos! You could hit me!"

R: "That's the idea! Come on, V! You almost got him!"

"This fight is about hurting Dagmar, not Gilbert, Ravi. You two settle your differences some other time. Now as for you... Payback hurts, doesn't it Dagmar? What's that saying? You know about things coming back to you threefold?"

"Oh, you are SO not getting away with this! I'll get you! ...As soon as my back stops hurting... and my knees start working..."

"Unfortunately for you, I'm not going to wait that long. It's cowplanting time! Enjoy your cake..."

"NOOO!"

G: "Nice toss!"

R: "Excellent form."

G: "Landing could use work, though. I give it an 8.5."

R: "Meh, I'll give her bonus points for the hostile victim; 9.5."

"Thanks, guys. I'd say it was 9.0 myself."

D: "Ugh! I'll remember this! And I'll remember all of you! Especially, you, Ravi! I'll remember your treachery!"

V: "Oh, hush up. You won't remember anything in a few minutes." And even after we

bring her back, she won't have time to think of anything but cheese. But no sense telling her that now. Might as well let her suffer a little and think she'll be biting the dust for good.

*Groan* "This can't be happening..."

"Now this is what I call justice..."

G: "Best girl fight ever?"

R: "Best girl fight ever."

G: "So what do we do now?"

V: "Well... We wait for her to grab the cake."

R: "Oh, come on. She's too smart for that; she knows grabbing the cake will kill her."

V: "Well, either she'll get so hungry, she'll be desperate enough to try for the cake, or... she'll die of starvation."

G: "Ooo, let's watch!"

D, to herself: What am I gonna do... The stupid gate's locked and sims can't jump! *Sigh* The only way outta here is through the cowplant... Curse this stupid cake! It's every sim's one undeniable weakness! But I won't give up... "I don't care how long it

takes; I refuse to eat this cake!"

True to her word, Dagmar used every ounce of will power to stall the inevitable. It helped that Free Time brought plenty of things for idle sims to do... *Grumble* *Sigh* Apparently, Dagmar likes science, my supposed natural talent.

D: See? This proves we're made for each other.

Quiet, I'm narrating. Anyway, she took so long, the rest of us started to get bored.

R: "Can we hurry this up already?"

V: "I'm afraid not. We just have to wait."

R: "Then I'll wait inside, thank you very much. TV's got to be more entertaining."

I tried to stick it out, but... Okay, okay, nature called, alright? And maybe I got distracted by the TV on the way from the bathroom...

As for Gilbert... Well, he was daydreaming. In fact, I have no clue what he was thinking about here, and you know what? I really didn't want to know. Anyway as it happens, Gilbert ended up wandering inside, too, after a while.

And then, when she was out here all alone, with no one to witness her sorry demise, Dagmar went for the cake.

I guess she was too embarrassed to go for it with her enemies watching and decided to get things over with after everyone was gone.

Or maybe she just got hungry and couldn't resist the temptation of a nice tasty piece of cake? Who knows?

But trust her to try and thwart my plans any way she knows how.

In a flash, she was gone, with no one the wiser.

In fact, the only one to see anything was Tybalt, who happened to be walking by.

G: "Aw, man! We missed it!"

T: "Don't worry, you didn't miss much."

G: "But we didn't even get to watch her suffer!"

V: "Don't worry, Gilbert. There will be plenty of time for that later, after she's resurrected."

R: "Veronica, Dagmar was your greatest enemy; I think it's only fitting if you do the honors."

V: "Me? Well, okay..."

Dagmar put up a good fight, but I finally got her in the end. And all I got to show for winning-

-Is a cold glass of milk. Hmm... I wonder what she'll taste like? I guess that depends on what she's made of...

Well, there's only one way to find out... Cheers...

It's hard to be sure, but I'm thinking it was a dash of sugar, a pinch spice, and a quarter cup of evil... No, wait, make that two cups of evil... and maybe a drop of chemical X*...

*Oh, come on. Do I really need to say where this is from? Think hard now. Okay, okay. Anyone remember The Powerpuff Girls? Or, as my teacher used to say, The Powder-puff Girls. *Rolls Eyes* Geez. Old people.

Hmm... Evil's surprisingly minty fresh...

Wow! If I can reduce Dagmar to a skimpy glass of milk, I can do anything! Look out world, here I come!

Ahem. Now later on that day, Gilbert got out the bone phone and resurrected Dagmar. It wasn't me because, I, uh, was busy...

...Having a chess tournament with Ravi...

"You still think you can beat me, V? Even after I toasted your butt last time?"

"Best two out of three!"

V, to herself: Hmm, now are those rooks or pawns... And which way do they go again? Drat! I can never remember...

"Hello, Grim? ...Yeah, I'd like to bring someone back, but before we begin, what's your policy on returns?"

"Whoa! He didn't tell me he'd need to open a portal to hell on my back patio! I could so sue for this!"

D: "Uggnnnhh"

Just kidding, she's no zombie. It was a perfect resurrection. Not that she deserved it...

"Wha? I'm back? I'm back! Wait, how many fingers? One, two, three..."

"Eight, nine, TEN! Yup, all there!"

"YIPEE! I'M BACK."

"And now I can use my new freedom to take over the WORLD! Muwahahaha!"

"HOLD IT! Stop right there! And enough with the evil laugh, too!"

"Um, I hate to break it to you, but you're not exactly free... In fact, you're actually a prisoner... Sorry."

"Um, excuse me, but I've just been to hell and back, so there ain't nothing you can

do to stop me now. Besides, what's a puny sim like you gonna do?“

"I can kick your butt in two seconds. And now that I'm a playable sim, I have unlimited power at my disposal!"

"Oh, please, like I'm scared of you. You've been a playable for what? Two seconds? Besides, I never said that I was going to stop you. Veronica is. With that nice shiny ray gun in her hand."

"WHAT?" *Whirls around*

"Yup, and in a few moments, your only coherent thoughts will be about cheese. Now, step into the ReNuYu Orb, please. I don't wanna have to get violent."

"Oh, please. I thought you had a real weapon. That thing only scans fingerprints!"

"Are you sure? You've only been a playable for a minute or two and townies never use it... How do you know its second function doesn't involve ripping off your face?"

"Well..."

"Just step inside the orb, and no one gets hurt. Think of it this way: you'll get to live... Unless, of course, you want to be hostile. Then I'll have to give the Grim another call."

*Gulp* D, to herself: Cat dirt! I'm trapped again. I guess changing my aspiration wouldn't hurt... It's got to be better than death... Plus, this way, I can bide my time and think of a better plan to get Veronica. *Sigh* I just have to believe that my love for Veronica is stronger than the power of cheese. I'll get through this... I hope...

"Humph, fine. I do it." *Sticks head in Orb*

V, to herself: Aw, man, she fell for that? I can't believe she thought this thing would

suck her face off... Wait... Can this thing suck your face off? Hmm...

"AAAAHHHH Y-You'll p-p-pa-y for this-s-s-s!"

"That's what you think! But you won't have any spare thoughts for anything other than cheese."

"Whoa!"

V, to herself: Did it work? Should I blast her?

"I... I feel... strange... like..."

"Like I need...I need..."

"Cheeeese."

D, to herself: But- cheese. Wasn't I- cheese! suppose to- cheese, cheese. do- CHEESE! Oh, crap, cheese is taking over my mind... CHEESE!!! Okay, okay, I'll eat some stupid cheese...

But I still feel like I was supposed to get re-re- ...Mm, grilled cheese. I think I'll go make a sandwich...

"You know, Gilbert, I had my doubts, but she really can't think of anything but cheese!"

"I know! Between cheese and chores, she won't have time to plot revenge!"

G: "She'll definitely be easy to take care of now."

V: "I agree. Can you imagine the look on her face when she learns she's your new maid?"

"HA! This is gonna be good... I'm gonna go, got to get ready for a party at Goneril's tomorrow-"

"Oh, yeah? How'd the meeting with Consort go?"

*Makes a face* "Not so good. Goneril's anniversary party is my second chance, though, so I'm giving it 110%... But anyway, if Dagmar gives you any trouble use the sim vac. That should keep her in line."

"You got it, V. And good luck tomorrow."

"Thanks. See ya."

"Alright, alright, laugh all you want! But now that I've had some grilled cheese, I can finally think a bit, and I'm definitely still gonna get back at you!"

"Really! So watch out! ...Right ...after I have another sandwich..."

"Okay, okay. You've made your point. The ooey-gooey scrumptious and delectable power of cheese has taken over my life. It's practically in all my thoughts! So can I go now?

"I mean, what more can you do to me?"

"It's funny you should say that... Dagmar, I'd like you to meet my mother, Denise Jacquet."

"Well, now young lady. It's nice to meet you."

"I'm-"

"Denise, I know, your son just-"

"No, no, no! Call me Mrs. Jacquet, or madam; I didn't give you permission to call me

by my given name!"

"Sheesh, what does a sim have to do to get a little respect around here? Is this any way to treat your elder? Imagine, the help calling the mistress of the house by her given name! In my day-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! The help?"

"Oh, my son didn't tell you? You're our new live-in maid. You'll get no wages, of course. After all, this is supposed to be a punishment. I can't tell you how long I've been wishing to get someone to help me out around here-"

"Oh, no. No, no, no. Sorry lady, but I'm nobody's maid."

"I don't do housework, and I certainly don't have the skills required for the job."

"So, you see, I really can't be your maid. Sorry."

"No, no, don't apologize; I'm sorry. I forgot to inform you that you don't have a choice."

"Heh, heh... Are you serious? You're not actually going to keep me here against my will are you? Surely, we can come to some other arrangement! Besides... Well, I mean, come on, what's an old lady like you gonna do?"

"Excuse me! I'll have you know I'm a black belt. Many a sim has cowered before me! And call me Mrs. Jacquet, ma’am, or madam!"

"Oh, come on, ma’am. Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"Missy, just what, exactly, do you think happen to my husband?"

*Gasp* "No..."

"Yes. Oh, I loved him, at first. Truly, I did. But then, after we got married, he tried to

take over my bakery. My bakery, the one I started, the one I built up, my thriving, successful, bakery. Said a women's place was at home, that I, or any women for that matter, had no idea what I was doing in business. He said that, for a woman, I'd done okay, but now that we were married, I'd best stay home and stick to cleaning house and making babies...”

“Let a real man take care of the business, he said. And if that wasn't enough, then he started using my money, my hard-earned money from the bakery, and squandered it, gambling and buying favors for women all over town. Well, back

then, you couldn't get a divorce like you could now... So I did what my best friend Olive would do—”

*GASP* "No way... Not Olive Specter?”

“Why, yes. Olive and I are best friends; we went to school together. She taught me a thing or two about death—people in her family were always murdering and backstabbing left and right. So, I killed my husband; he and his lover drowned in a

pool. The idiot police force never did find out what happened to the ladder... It was after that I found out was pregnant with Gilbert. I wasn't a fool, though; I wasn't about to let another controlling male dictate my life. I raised him and continued my business alone."

Dagmar swallowed. "If Gilbert knew—”

"Oh, please, my son is a twit. He's sweet, innocent, and loyal, but sadly, an idiot.”

*Sigh* “Perhaps I spoiled him too much... Anyway he'd never believe you. And what

would he do without his dear, sweet mumsy to run his life? Don't you think he had tried to leave before? But I stopped him; convinced him he still needs his mommy. Well, really, he didn't need convincing... The one day I leave him alone at the bakery, the place goes up in flames..." *Sigh*

"Ugh, men... Anyway, it was after that, I decided to start over, train Gilbert to start his own business, and retire someplace nice and quiet. It's why we moved here. And of course, I have to help him find a nice girl to settle down with. You wouldn't believe

the tramps he wants to go out with... Have to watch him all the time... But, I digress. Gilbert isn't leaving, and neither are you. And if you try to cross me, believe me, I will hunt you down and make you suffer-"

*Gasp*

"Because I never forget a grudge. Never."

"I-I'm not afraid of you!" *GULP* "CrumpleBottom will-"

"CrumpleBottom? That ninny? How's she doing; Gilbert told me you worked with her. I knew her in school. Didn't think much of her then, though. Nothing upstairs, I tell

you... Now I hear she's running around town, whacking people with her purse. Always knew she'd end up a loony, that one..."

"You're, uh, not afraid of CrumpleBottom?"

*Snort* "No... The only reason why I put up with her is because the Grim has a soft spot for her..."

"Such a sweet guy, too. Way too good for her... Eh, what do you expect? He's a man after all... No sense whatsoever..."

D, to herself: Cat dirt; what am I gonna do now? All my leverage is gone... "Listen,

about what I said earlier-"

"Shut it. You'll do what I say, unless you wanna end up as the main ingredient in my mince meat pie. Now, where was I? ...Oh, yeah. Clean up the kitchen, then I'll show you where you can wash up before you go to bed. You have a full day's work tomorrow."

"Yes, ma’am…"

"And I suppose since that ninny has been training you, you're a empty-headed twit as well?"

"I have some skills..."

*Rolls eyes* "Right... Well, I suppose I'll just have to train you..."

"Geez, what's the world coming to? Young ladies these days are complete half-wits... Don't know anything... Why, when I was you're age, every young lady had some cooking and cleaning skills... *Sigh* What are you standing there for? Get to

work, girl!"

D, to herself: Oh... My... Plumbbob! *Sniff* How am I gonna get outta here? If I try to escape, I'll end up as- as pie! And w-w-why does s-she have to b-b-be so m-mean?...*Whine*

Dagmar, it seems, is going through a lot. It's very stressful, after all, to be killed, brought back to life, then told you'll virtually be slave for the rest of your life. ...Popcorn, anyone?

"Humph, what a ninny... young sims these days... So incompetent... and absolutely no backbone whatsoever..."

"Eh, at least I'll have fun torturing and humiliating her..."

Oh, Denise, how I've underestimated you. You made Dagmar cry. You're an

experienced sim murderer. And you're a bossy old lady who never takes no for an answer or lets anyone tell you what to do. I like you.

Well, folks, chapter five is over, and chapter six is sure to be fun, fun, fun and filled with Dagmar torture. Until next time, happy reading. Later, simmers!