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Fluency #5 - RevisingMy Own Writing

Credits:Cindy HammerlyMt. View ElementaryBroomfield, COcynthia.hammerly@adams12.org

Date Created: 4/18/2002 2:30:09 PM EST

VITAL INFORMATIONSubject Matter:Elementary, Writing

Grades:1

Software Application:StarOffice Writer, or any word processing program

LESSON DESCRIPTIONSummary:Given a prompt or free choice writing, students will create a piece of writing torevise. Using the skills learned in the previous sentence fluency lessons (combiningsentences, eliminating run-ons, and varying sentence beginnings) students willrevise their writing for sentence fluency.

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State & National Standards:CO- Colorado Academic Standards• Subject : Reading and Writing• Standard 2: Students write and speak for a variety of purposes and audiencesWriting and speaking are essential tools for learning, for success in the workplace,and for responsible citizenship. Developing a range of writing and speaking abilitiesrequires extensive study, practice, and thinking. Students need frequentopportunities to write and speak for different audiences and purposes, and they needto be able to communicate expressively, informatively, and analytically. Growth inwriting and speaking abilities occurs by applying skills to increasingly challengingcommunication tasks• Grade/Level : CO- Colorado Academic Standards• Grade/Level : Grades K-4 Performance Indicator : generating topics and developing ideas for a variety ofwriting and speaking purposes (for example, telling a story, publishing a classnewsletter, writing a letter to an adult, writing or orally presenting a book report,creating and producing a play, introducing a speaker or an event, narrating apresentation); Performance Indicator : organizing their speaking and writing Performance Indicator : choosing vocabulary that communicates their messagesclearly and precisely Performance Indicator : revising and editing speech and writing Performance Indicator : creating readable documents with legible handwriting orword processing at the appropriate time• Standard 3: Students write and speakusing conventional grammar, usage, sentence structure, punctuation, capitalization,and spellingStudents need to know and be able to use standard English. Proficiency in thisstandard plays an important role in how the writer or speaker is understood andperceived. All skills in this standard are reinforced and practiced at all grade levelsand should be monitored by both the teacher and student to develop lifelong learningskills• Grade/Level : CO- Colorado Academic Standards• Grade/Level : Grades K-4 Performance Indicator : knowing and using subject/verb agreement Performance Indicator : knowing and using correct modifiers Performance Indicator : knowing and using correct capitalization, punctuation,and abbreviations Performance Indicator : spelling frequently used words correctly using phonicsrules and exceptions

Local Standards:Adams 12 Technology Standard 2: Student uses productivity software as a basis forlearning and skill building, and demonstrates an understanding of the universal toolsof word processing.- begins to use special function keys: enter/return, space bar, shift, delete andbackspace- locates letters, numbers and ending punctuation characters- knows how to make capital letters using the shift key.- uses the backspace/delete key to edit text.

Lesson Outcomes:

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Students will be able to write a paragraph of several sentences. They will be able tohighlight the beginning word of each sentence and determine whether or not thebeginnings are varied. In addition, they will be able to revise the sentences bychanging the sentence structure and combining or breaking up sentences in order forthe paragraph to read more fluently.

Assessment:This is the fifth and final lesson in the Sentence Fluency Unit. The attached rubric willbe used to evaluate students' paragraphs.

Assessment/Rubrics:Rubrics:Grade 1 Writing Rubric

CLASSROOM & TIME MANAGEMENTStudent Prerequisites:Students will need basic word processing skills, and should have completed the firstfour lessons in the Sentence Fluency Unit, as well as Lessons 1-4 of the ConventionsUnit.

Lesson Preparation:Continue to expose the students to the trait of fluency through read-aloudexperiences, discussions, teacher modeling and shared examples. Review withstudents the concepts learned in Lessons 1-4 of the Fluency Unit.

Time Frame:2 class periods. 30 Min. per class.

Implementation Steps:Day One:1. Students write a paragraph of three or more sentences, either to a prompt or atopic of their own choosing. Students with basic word processing skills should be ableto do this directly into the computer.

2. Students highlight the beginning word of each sentence to determine if thesentence beginnings are varied.

3. Students save and print their work.

4. At the end of this session, the teacher models the revision process on a piece ofhis/her own writing, or uses the sample provided under Lesson Resources.

5. Back in the classroom, students conference with a partner or small group to getideas for sentence fluency revisions.

Day Two:6. Using the writing from the previous day, students revise their paragraphs bycombining sentences, changing the sentence structure or breaking up run-onsentences. Students type the revised version underneath the rough draft.

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7. Students print a final copy.

8. Teacher should provide time for a whole group, small group, or pair share ofstudents' paragraphs.

RESOURCESLesson Resources:Attached is the example I used for first grade.Attachments: 1. Sample Teacher Model

STUDENT PRODUCT(S)Product(s) Description:The attached sample shows the rough draft and the revised student paragraph.Attachments: 1. Student Draft and Revision

REFLECTIONComments:I would model this lesson and have students revise on an as-needed basis. Afterdoing the previous four sentence fluency lessons, many students had already variedtheir sentence beginnings. They had also written quite long pieces and it did notmake sense for them to retype the entire piece. However, I felt it was too difficult askill for first graders to be moving text and changing it within a piece.

Next time I might ask them to find one part of their paragraph that they want torevise and type that underneath the actual paragraph. On the second day, many ofmy students typed their piece over again exactly as they had the first day. I havefound that revising is a difficult skill for first grade students to do on their own work.They do much better revising other work.

When we write a paragraph or story, we shouldmake sure our sentences are fluent, not short andchoppy, and that they begin in different ways. Weshould also be sure we don't have any run-onsentences.

Example: I went out to dinner last night. I went with myfamily. I asked the waitress to bring everyone ahuge class of water. Sally spilled her water firstand then Gary spilled his water a few minutes laterand then John spilled his water right after that. Ilooked at the wet mess and sighed.

Revised: Last night I went out to dinner with my family.The waitress brought everyone a huge glass ofwater. First, Sally spilled her water. A fewminutes later, Gary spilled his. Right after that,John spilled his. What a wet mess!

Sentence Fluency #5Writing and Revising Your Own Paragraph

Name: Daniel

Write a paragraph about something that happenedto you. When you are finished, highlight the firstword in each sentence. Then revise your paragraphby using varied sentence beginnings. Be sure yourparagraph does not have short, choppy sentencesor run-ons.

My Paragraph:Ouns I was playing with my friend Zackree. Wewere playing tag. He was chasing me when I was onmy bick. He tagged me. I scraped my knee. Mymom heard me say owchs. She poot a bandade on it.

My Paragraph Revised:Once I was playing tag with my friend Zackree. Hewas chasing me when I was riding my bike. Hetagged me. My mom heard me say ouch when Iscrapped my knee, so she put a bandaid on it.

Grade 1 - Personal Narrative Writing Rubric

6/2001©Adams 12 Five Star Schools

PB_G4:Users:sgandy:TISS project:assessment rubrics:District Writing Rubrics:1_personal_narrative.doc

1 - Unsatisfactory 2 - Partially Proficient 3 - Proficient 4 - Advanced

CO

NT

EN

T

• does not address the prompt orpersonal event or experience is notclear

• lacks main idea• unrelated thoughts or insufficient

thoughts to evaluate

• partially addresses prompt orpersonal event or experience issomewhat clear

• main idea is not clear• 3-5 nonrepetitive thoughts

related to topic

• addresses prompt or clearlytells about a personal event orexperience that reallyhappened

• one main idea with details• 6 or more nonrepetitive

thoughts related to topic

Paper meets all standards for theproficient level, but does so:

- in an insightful and/or creativemanner

OR- by providing exceptional ideadevelopment

OR

GA

NIZ

AT

ION

• lacks logical/sequential organizationof ideas

• lacks title

• logical/sequential organizationis not maintained

• title does not relate to anythingin the story

• logical/sequential organizationof ideas

• title relates to story

Paper meets all standards forproficient level, but moves beyondthe formula in an innovativemanner.

ST

YL

E

• lacks variation in sentencebeginnings (sentence fluency)

• lacks descriptive, interesting wordchoice

• lacks personal, individual voice

• few sentence beginnings arevaried (sentence fluency)

• some descriptive, interestingword choice

• some evidence of personal,individual voice

• some sentence beginnings vary(sentence fluency)

• descriptive, interesting wordchoice

• personal, individual voiceexpresses thoughts/feelings

The paper meets all standards forproficient level, but stands outfrom others through: -strong word choice -language that invites expressiveoral reading -a voice that is compelling andengaging

CO

NV

EN

TIO

NS

• many fragments/run-ons• many errors in mechanics -capitalization -punctuation -spelling -grammar and/or usage• many errors in format (spacing,

margins, handwriting)

• some fragments/run-ons• some errors in mechanics -capitalization -punctuation -spelling -grammar and/or usage• some errors in format (spacing,

margins, handwriting)

• few fragments/run-ons• few errors in mechanics -capitalization -punctuation -spelling -grammar and/or usage• few errors in format (spacing,

margins, handwriting)

The paper is virtually error free