for my family, friends, coworkers, and three. · whiteboard tactics 21 meaningless diagrams you can...
TRANSCRIPT
FORMYFAMILY,FRIENDS,COWORKERS,AND
ESPECIALLYTHEONEWHOBECAMEALLTHREE.
TODAY’SAGENDA
OPENINGREMARKSLETMETELLYOUWHATI’MGOINGTOTELLYOU
BEFOREITELLYOUAGAIN
PARTONE:SETTINGTHESTAGE
1. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK:EnteringtheRoom2. GENERALMEETINGS:10KeyStrategies
forAppearingSmart3. WHITEBOARDTACTICS:21MeaninglessDiagrams
YouCanDraw4. ONE-ON-ONE:HowtoConvinceYour
CoworkerYouCare5. EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCEPLAN:WhattoDo
withYourFace6. CONFERENCECALLS:HowtoSoundSmartoverthePhone7. GOINGGLOBAL:HowtoAppearSmartinMeetings
aroundtheWorld
PARTTWO:CORECONVERSATION
1. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK:OwningtheRoom2. TEAMMEETINGS:HowtoManageOpticsLikeaBoss3. LEANINGALLTHEWAYIN:AttendingMeetings
inaMale-DominatedWorkplace4. IMPROMPTUMEETINGS:HowtoHandleMeeting
SneakAttacksLikeaNinja5. HOWTOMAKEYOURMEETINGSEEMLESSLIKEAMEETING
EVENTHOUGHIT’STOTALLYAMEETING6. PRESENTATIONS:HowtoNailtheBigPitchby
NotSayingMuchofAnything7. MEETINGSPEAKCHEATSHEET:DecipheringWhat
EveryoneIsSaying8. BRAINSTORMINGMEETINGS:HowtoBePerceived
astheCreativeForceonYourTeam
PARTTHREE:NEXTSTEPS
1. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK:LeavingtheRoom2. NETWORKINGEVENTS:HowtoBuildRelationships
withPeopleYou’llNeverSeeAgain3. WHATTODOWITHYOURHANDS
DURINGANETWORKINGEVENT4. TEAMBUILDINGOFFSITES:JoiningtheCorporate
CultureClub5. FAMOUSMEETINGSTHROUGHHISTORY6. ADVANCEDMEETINGPOWERMOVES
TOGETYOUPROMOTED(ORFIRED)7. BUSINESSDINNERS:HowtoAppearSmart
inForcedSocialSituations
FOLLOW-UP8. INBETWEENMEETINGS:DowntimeIsYourTimetoShine
OPENINGREMARKS
LETMETELLYOU
WHATI’MGOINGTOTELLYOU
BEFOREITELLYOUAGAIN
Likeeveryone,appearingsmartinmeetingsismytoppriority.Sometimesthiscanbedifficultifyoustartdaydreamingaboutyournextvacation,yournextnap,orbacon.Whenthishappens,it’sgoodtohavesomefallbacktrickstofallbackon.Thisbookwillgiveyou100fallbacktrickstofallbackon.Bylearning,internalizing,andactionizingallofthestrategieshere,you’llbe
wellonyourwaytobecomingamajorplayeratyourcompanywithoutevenknowingwhatthatmeans.
CanIaskyouaquickquestion?Doyouattendmeetings?Doyouwanttogetaheadinyourcareer?Doyouenjoyansweringpointlessrhetoricalquestions?Didyoubuythisbookforyouorforsomeoneelse?
Thenthisbookisforyou.Orforsomeoneelse.
WHYMEETINGS?SERIOUSLY,WHY?
Thereareanumberofreasons.Wegotomeetingsto“collaborate,”share“information,”provetoeveryoneour“job”isn’t“useless,”andmostlybecausewecouldn’tcomeupwithagoodexcuseintime.It’sestimatedthatwespend75percentofourwakinglivesinmeetings,
holding11millionofthemannually.Butmorethanathirdofthosemeetingsarespentplanninganothermeeting,whileanothersixtharespentaskingsomeoneto
repeatwhatshejustsaidbecauseIwasn’tpayingattention,whilestillanotherthree-sixthsreallyshouldhavebeenane-mail.Noonepaysattentioninmeetings.So,togetahead,youneedtonotpay
attentionbetterthaneveryoneelse.Thefactismeetingsareoneofthefewopportunitiesyouhavetoshowyourleadershippotential,softskills,andanalyticalcreativethinkingbrainabilities.Thesmarteryouappear,themoremeetingsyou’llbeinvitedto,themore
opportunitiesyou’llhavetoappearsmart,andthesooneryou’llbespinninginachairwhilestaringattheceilingandwhistling,liketheCEOalwaysdoes.
WHEREDIDTHISBOOKCOMEFROM?
Iwrotethisbookbecausesomeonepaidmeto.ButIalsowroteitbecauseIhadadeadline.Ibeganjottingdownmeetingtricksinthesummerof2007whileworkingfor
Yahoo!,asIobservedthemfirsthandinmeetingswithDirectors,VPs,SeniorVPs,andSeniorVPDirectors.SevenyearslaterIbecameamanageratGoogleandgotinvitedtoevenmoremeetingsthanIeverhadbefore.HowdidIachievesuchanintensetrajectoryoverthecourseofmyluminouscareer?Iwenttomeetings,andIlookeddamnsmartinthem.
TIMESPENTINMEETINGSSource:TheCooperReview.com
WHAT’SINTHISBOOK?
I’llbedivingdeep,deeperthananydeepdiveyoucouldimagine,intoeverykindofmeeting,fromone-on-onestopresentations,showingyousimplewaystonailyourmeetinggamenomatterwhatthesituation.Thenwe’llsyncuponhowyoucanlooklikeyou’resyncingupoutsideyournormalworkenvironmentandevenwhattodowhenyou’renotinameeting.Andwewon’tskipthethorny,complicatedmechanics—likewhattodowithyourface.
Thisbookwillgiveyouthetactics,methods,andothersynonymsfor“strategy”thatyouneedtopushyourcareerbeyondyourwildestdreamsbutwithouteverhavingtoapplyyourself.
TOCLOSEWITHAMOTIVATIONALSUMMARY
Perceptionisreality.IbelieveitwasChristopherColumbuswhosaidthat.Andhewasright.I’vepouredeverythingIpretendtoknowintothesepages,andIsincerelyhopethesetricksdoforyourcareerwhattheydidformine.*
*Iamnowonpermanenthiatus.
CAREERPOSSIBILITIESSource:TheCooperReview.com
HOWTOREADTHISBOOK
PARTONE
SETTINGTHESTAGE
1. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK2. GENERALMEETINGS3. WHITEBOARDTACTICS4. ONE-ON-ONE5. EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCEPLAN6. CONFERENCECALLS7. GOINGGLOBAL
CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK
ENTERINGTHEROOM
Duringmeetings,whereyousit,stand,lean,orcrouchmaymeanthedifferencebetweenbeingperceivedasafuturevicepresidentorafutureseniorvicepresident.Followthissampleplay-by-playtoentertheroomliterallyreekingofintelligence.
1. Entertheroom;askifanyoneneedsanything.(SeeTrick#61)2. Leavetheroom,getsomecoffee,gotothebathroom,
takeyourtime.3. Returnbringingwaterandsnacks,evenifnooneaskedforany.4. Sitnearthemeetingleader,soitlookslikeyou’reco-runningthemeeting.
(SeeTrick#33)5. Writeafewkeywordsuponthewhiteboard.(SeeWhiteboardTactics)6. Makeeyecontactwithyournemesis.7. Leanbackandlookupattheceilingwhileclaspingyourhandsbehindyour
head,asifyou’redeeplyconsideringsomething.
GENERALMEETINGS
10KEYSTRATEGIES
FORAPPEARINGSMARTGeneralmeetingsgenerallyfallintooneofthreecategories:painful,useless,orsoul-crushing.Butnomatterwhichofthesetypesofmeetingsyoufindyourselfin,youcanbesurethatoneofthese10trickswillmakeyouappearsmart.
DrawaVenndiagram
GettingupanddrawingaVenndiagramisagreatwaytoappearsmart.Itdoesn’tmatterifyourVenndiagramiswildlyinaccurate;infact,themoreinaccurate,thebetter.Evenbeforeyou’veputthatmarkerdown,yourcolleagueswillbeginfightingaboutwhatthelabelsshouldbeandhowbigthecirclesshouldbe.Atthispoint,youcanslinkbacktoyourchairandgobacktoplayingCandyCrush.
Translatepercentagemetricsintofractions
Ifsomeonesays,“About25percentofallusersclickonthisbutton,”jumpinwith,“Soaboutoneinfour,”andmakeanoteofit.Everyonewillnodtheirheadsinagreement,secretlyimpressedandenviousofyourquickmathskills.
Encourageeveryoneto“takeastepback”
Therecomesapointinmostmeetingswhereeveryoneischimingin,exceptyou.Thisisagreatpointtogo,“Guys,guys,guys,canwetakeastepbackhere?”Everyonewillturntheirheadstowardyou,amazedatyourabilitytosilencethefray.Followitupwithaquick,“Whatproblemarewereallytryingtosolve?”and,boom!You’veboughtyourselfanotherhouroflookingsmart.
Nodcontinuouslywhilepretendingtotakenotes
Alwaysbringanotepadwithyou.Yourrejectionoftechnologywillberevered.Takenotesbysimplywritingdownonewordfromeverysentencethatyouhear.Nodcontinuouslywhiledoingso.Ifsomeoneasksyouifyou’retakingnotes,quicklysaythattheseareyourpersonalnotesandthatsomeoneelseshouldreallybekeepingarecordofthemeeting.
Repeatthelastthingtheengineersaidbutvery,veryslowly
Makeamentalnoteoftheengineerintheroom.Rememberhisname.He’llbequietthroughoutmostofthemeeting,butwhenhismomentcomes,everythingoutofhismouthwillspringfromaplaceofunknowablebrilliance.Afterheuttersthesedivinewords,followupwith,“Letmejustrepeatthat,”andrepeatexactlywhathejustsaid,butvery,veryslowly.Now,peoplewilllookbackonthemeetingandmistakenlyattributetheintelligentstatementtoyou.
Ask“Willthisscale?”nomatterwhatitis
It’simportanttofindoutwhetherthingswillscalenomatterwhatitisyou’rediscussing.Nooneevenreallyknowswhatthatmeans,butit’sagoodcatchallquestionthatgenerallyappliesanddrivesengineersnuts.
Pacearoundtheroom
Wheneversomeonegetsupfromthetableandwalksaround,don’tyouimmediatelyrespecthim?IknowIdo.Ittakesalotofguts,butonceyoudoit,youimmediatelyappearsmart.Walkaround.Gotothecornerandleanagainstthewall.Takeadeep,contemplativesigh.Trustme,everyonewillbeshittingtheirpantswonderingwhatyou’rethinking.Ifonlytheyknew(bacon).
Askthepresentertogobackaslide
“Sorry,couldyougobackaslide?”They’rethesevenwordsnopresenterwantstohear.Itdoesn’tmatterwhereinthepresentationyoushoutthisout;it’llimmediatelymakeyoulooklikeyou’repayingcloserattentionthaneveryoneelseis,becauseclearlytheymissedthethingthatyou’reabouttobrilliantlypointout.Don’thaveanythingtopointout?Juststaresilentlyforseveralseconds,thensay,“OK,let’smoveon.”
Stepoutforanimportantphonecall
You’reprobablyafraidtostepoutoftheroombecauseyoufearpeoplewillthinkyouaren’tmakingthemeetingapriority.Interestingly,however,ifyoustepoutofameetingforan“important”phonecall,they’llallrealizejusthowbusyandimportantyouare.They’llsay,“Wow,thismeetingisimportant,soifhehassomethingevenmoreimportantthanthis,well,webetternotbotherhim.”
Makefunofyourself
Ifsomeoneaskswhatyouthinkandyouhonestlydidn’thearasinglewordanyonesaidforthelasthour,justsay,“Ihonestlydidn’thearasinglewordanyonesaidforthelasthour.”Peopleloveself-deprecatinghumor.Saythingslike,“Maybewecanjustusethelawyersfrommydivorce,”or“God,IwishIwasdead.”They’lllaugh,valueyourhonesty,considercontactingHR,but,mostimportantly,thinkyou’rethesmartest-lookingpersonintheroom.
WHITEBOARDTACTICS
21MEANINGLESS
DIAGRAMSYOUCANDRAWItcanbeincrediblyintimidatingtogouptothewhiteboardanddrawsomethingduringameeting—everyoneisgluedtotheirseatsinanxiety-riddenfearofmoving.Andthat’spreciselywhyit’soneoftheeasiestthingsyoucandotoappearsmart.Simplybeingupthereincreasesyourperceivedleadershippotentialbyathousandpercent.Butwhatshouldyoudraw?Itdoesn’tmatter.Youcouldgetupthereanddrawabunchofarrowspointingtoyourbuttandyou’dstillseemprettydarnsmart.Butifyouwantsomemoreideas,tryoneofthesemeaninglessdiagrams.
1.Writetheword“vision”withacirclearoundit.Remindeveryonethateverythingwedomustrevolvearoundourvision.
2.Drawatriangleandanarrowpointingtoit.Ask,“Arewefocusingontherightthings?”
3.Drawaweird-lookingbucketandcallitafunnel.Say,“Weneedtodeterminethebestpathforoptimumcustomeracquisition.”
4.Drawahorizontallineandthenaverticallinerightthroughit.Addsomelettersorcheckmarks.Askifwe’remeetingallourrequirements.
5.Drawabunchofboxesconnectedbylines.Bigboxesatthetopareimportantpeople,andsmallboxesatthebottomaren’t.Ask,“What’sthehierarchywe’retryingtoestablish?”andyou’lllooklikeabigbox.
6.Drawalinefromnowtolaunch,withdashesthatrepresentmilestones.Thiswillmakepeoplethinkyouknowhowprojectplanswork.
7.Write“backend”and“frontend”withanarrowconnectingthem.Saywejustneedtohookupthebackendtothefrontend.You’llseemverytechnical.
8.Drawapizzawithaquestionmarkinsideit.Sayeachprojecthasdifferentpiecesandweneedtofindoutwhicharethebigpiecesandwhicharethesmallpieces.
9.DrawanX-andY-axis,thendrawalinethatlookslikeahockeystickline.Circletheelbowinthehockeystickandask,what’sgoingtogetustohockeystickgrowth?What’sgoingtomovetheneedle10x?
10.Writeoneword,suchas“strategy,”“goal,”or“actionplan,”inbiglettersandwithadoubleunderline.Thenjustsitdown.Yourteamwillknowyoumeanbusiness.
11.Drawafewstickfiguresandsayweneedtotalkaboutourcustomers.Circleoneofthemandsay,“ThisisLucy.Lucy’samom.WhatdoesLucywant?Whocares.Whatdowewant?That’satrick.WhatdoesLucywant?”
12.Drawabunchofcirclesandsomerandomthingslike“money,”“data,”or“hotdogs.”Connecteachthingwithsomelinesandaskeveryoneifwecanjustconnectthedotshere,likeyoujustdid.
13.Drawalinewithtwoarrowsoneitherend.Walktooneendandsayoneword,thenwalktotheotherendandsaytheoppositeofthatword.Thenasktheteamwheretheythinkweshouldbe.
14.Drawaboxwithanarrowpointingoutsidethebox.Saywedon’twanttobeinsidethebox.
15.Drawacloud.Say,“Let’stalkbluesky,”orask,“Whataboutthecloud?”Eitheronewillmakeyouseemlikeakeydriverofinnovation.
16.Writetheword“roadmap”withasquarearoundit.Askyourcoworkers,“What’sourroadmap?”Thiswillmakeitseemlikeyoucareaboutaccomplishinggoals.
17.DrawthreecolumnslabeledA,B,andC.Asktheteamtoseparateourdiscussionintostreamsofthought.Thensitbackdownandletsomeoneelsedoit.
18.Writetheword“ideas”withasquigglylinearoundit.Thisshowsyoureallywanttohearideas,whilethesquigglylineshowshoworganicyourprocessis.
19.DrawalinewithAononeendandBontheother.Ask,“WhatwillgetusfrompointAtopointB?”Yourcoworkerswillappreciateyousimplifyingthesolutionlikethis.
20.Drawa1,2,3witharrowsbetweenthem.Askabouteachstepweneedtotakeandwhatthosestepsare.Thenjustwritewhateverpeoplethrowoutthere.
21.Drawatrianglewithquestionmarksateachangle.Saythatanygreatstrategyhasthreestrongcornerstones.Ask,“Whatareourcornerstones?”
ONE-ON-ONE
HOWTOCONVINCEYOUR
COWORKERYOUCARETheotherday,mycoworkerconfidedinmeabouthowhewasfeelingorsomething.TobehonestIhavenoideawhathewastalkingabout.Thepointis,listeningtoyourcoworkersishard.Andifyou’retheonlyotherpersonintheroom,yourabilitytoseemfullycommitted,deeplyengaged,andknowledgeablebeyondanyone’swildestexpectationswillbeunderamicroscope.Hereare10trickstogaintherespectofyourcoworkerwhilesimultaneouslymakingsureheneverrealizeshowlittleyouwanttobeinthisroomwithhimrightnow.
Sendalast-minuteinstantmessageaskingifthemeetingisstillnecessary
Sendamessagetoyourcoworkerrightbeforethemeetingandaskifthemeetingisstillnecessary.Sayyouwanttobecognizantofeachother’stimeandmakesurethereisn’tsomethingmorevaluableyoucouldbothbedoingforthecompany.Yourcoworkerwillbeimpressedbyhowmuchyourespecthertime.She’llalsolikelycancelthemeetingtoavoidtheburdenofcomingupwithsomethingimportanttodiscuss,leavingyouwithanafternoonfreetoleavelengthycommentsonrandomYouTubevideos.
Sayyou’rejustwrappingsomethingup
Gettothemeetingearlyandstartreadinge-mail.Whenyourcoworkerarrives,he’llgetthesensethathe’scomingintoyouroffice.Aftergreetinghimwarmly,sayyou’rejustwrappingsomethingupandaskhimtowaitaminute.Forextrapoints,askhimtowaitoutsidetheroom.Thisputsyouinapositionofpoweroveryourcoworkerthathe’lllikelybeunabletoovercome,nomatterwhathethrowsatyou.
Sayyoudon’thaveanagenda
Forweeklymeetings,putyourcoworkerateasebysayingyoudon’thaveanythinginparticulartotalkabout.Nothavinganagendamakesyouseemfriendlyandapproachable.Then,putthepressureonhimtocomeupwithsomethingtotalkaboutandgetannoyedifhedoesn’thaveanything.Suggestendingearly.Ifthishashappenedmorethanafewweeksinarow,suggestcancelingthemeetingaltogether.
Reacttoeverythingasifyoualreadyknewthat
Reacttowhatyourcoworkerissayingasifeverythinghe’ssayingisprettyobvious.Cuthimoffwithphraseslike,“right,”“sure,”“right,ofcourse,”“well,everyoneknowsthat,”or“duh.”
Suggesta“walking”meeting
Ifyourcoworkerwantstochatwithyou,it’salwaysgreattosuggesta“walking”meeting.Sayyouenjoywalkingmeetingsbecausetheyclearyourmind,justliketheydidforSteveJobs.
Whenyourcoworkerbringsupanissue,askforanexample
Whenyourcoworkerbringsupanissuehe’shaving,askforaspecificexample.Thenaskforamorespecificexample.Thensayyoureallyneedmorethanoneexampletoestablishapattern.Thensuggestdiscussingitnexttime,whenhehasmoreexamples.
WHATAREWEDOINGINONE-ON-ONES?Source:TheCooperReview.com
Makeanobviousstatementthatcan’tberefuted
Gettingyourcoworkertoagreewitheverythingyousayisagreatwaytoappearsmart.Andthebestwaytodothatis tosaysomethinghereallycan’tdisagreewith.Somegreatstatementsare:
Itiswhatitis.Weneedtobesmartaboutthis.Weshouldfocusonthepriorities.Wehavetochoosetherightchoices.Let’sdealonlyinfactsandopinions.
Sayeverythingyoudiscussisconfidential
Askyourcoworkertokeepeverythingyousayconfidential,evenifit’sallcommonknowledge.Thiswillmakeeverythingyousayseemextraimportant.Itwillalsomakeitmorelikelyforyourcoworkertosharesomethingwithyouthatsheshouldn’t,whichyoucanuseagainstherlater.
Sharean“objective”opinion
Allopinionsaresubjective,excepttheonesyouexplicitlylabelasobjective.Ifyoustartasentencewith,“Objectivelyspeaking,”anythingyousayafterwardmustbe100percentcorrectineverycontextandallcircumstancesnomatterwhatyourcoworkerthinks.Objectivelyspeaking,thisishowyoushouldstartallyoursentences.
Haveameta-conversationaboutthemeeting
Beveryconcernedaboutmakingsurethemeetingwashelpful,useful,andhelpful.Askhowthemeetingcouldbebetter,thensayyou’lltrythatfornexttimebutthendon’t.
EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCE
PLAN
WHATTODO
WITHYOURFACEIt’simportanttomakefacesinyourmeeting.Makingtherightfaceattherighttimewillsetyouapartandcreatetheillusionthatyouactuallyunderstandwhat’sbeingdiscussed.Butsometimesit’shardtocomeupwiththerightfacetomakeornewfacestomakethatyouhaven’talreadymadehundredsoftimes.Ifyoufindyourselfinthatsituation,tryoneofthesefaces.
1.Furrowyourbrowandtiltyourhead.Thisfacesays,“Thatideasoundsfamiliar.Oh,yeah,becauseyoustoleitfromourcompetitor.”
2.Pointyourchindownandpurseyourlips.Thisfacesays,“Iloveitwhenyoutellmehowtodomyjob.”
3.Raiseyoureyebrowsandsmile.Thisfacesays,“Someonebroughtcupcakes??”
4.Looktired.Thisfacesays,“Whothehellkeepsschedulingmeetingsfor8a.m.?”
5.Squintyoureyesandfrownslightly.Thisfacesays,“Didyoujustoffermeplaintapwater?”
6.Smileslyly.Thisfacesays,“Yes,Iamstillworkingonthat.”
7.Closeyoureyes.Thisfacesays,“I’mlisteningveryintently,Iswear.”
8.Putyourchinonyourfist.Thisfacesays,“That’saninterestingperspective,Nathan;tellmemore.”
9.Raiseyoureyebrowsandpoint.Thisfacesays,“Oh,right!Wedidforgettodocumentthatdecision.”
10.Smilewidely.Thisfacesays,“Greatspeech,boss.”
11.Lookexcited.Thisfacesays,“Hey!Almostbeerthirty!”
12.Smileandturnyourheadtotheside.Thisfacesays,“Didn’tIseeyouatthegymlastnight?”
13.Getablanklookonyourface.Thissays,“Worst.Idea.Ever.”
14.Lookaroundtheroom.Thisfacesays,“Isanyonewritingthisdown?”
15.Furrowyourbrowandsmile.Thisfacesays,“Scheduleanothermeetingtodiscussthis?Sure.”
16.Scrunchyournose.Thisfacesays,“Wasthatafart?”
17.Recoilwithfear.Thisfacesays,“Youjustwroteonthewhiteboardwithapermanentmarker.”
18.Takeanairofsuperiority.Thisfacesays,“Mymerepresenceaddsvaluetothismeeting.”
19.Lookupandtotheside.Thisfacesays,“Hmm,Idon’tremembersayingI’ddothat.”
20.Takeabiteofyoursalad.Thisfacesays,“Ijusttookabiteofsaladsonoonecanaskmeanything.”
21.Getasheepishlookonyourface.Thissays,“Yes,we’vebeentalkingaboutstreamliningthisprocessfor18monthsnow.”
CONFERENCECALLS
HOWTOSOUNDSMART
OVERTHEPHONEWhenyoudialintoameetingfromsomewhereelse,it’sactuallyreallyhardforpeopletotellyou’vespentthelasthalfhourlookingatpicturesofyourcousin’sdogonFacebook.Infact,I’mwritingthisonaconferencecallrightnow,and,yes,Istillsoundlikethesmartestpersonintheroom.Why?Becauseofthese12tricks.
Askifeveryone’shere
Beforethemeetingstarts,askifeveryone’shere.Youmightevenpickoutaspecificpersonandaskifshe’shere,and,ifnot,askifsheissupposedtobehere.Notonlywillyourcoworkersappreciateyourdiligencebutalsoyou’llseemlikearealpeopleperson.
Talkabouttheweatherand/ortimezonewhereyouare
Leteveryoneknowwhereyou’redialinginfrom,andmentiontheweatherandaskwhattheweatherislikewhereeveryoneelseis.Talkaboutwhattimeitiswhereyouare,especiallyifit’sanypartoftheworldwherethefactthatyou’reevenawakeistrulyamazing.Yourdedicationtothecompanywillbewildlyapparent,butbestofalleveryonewillknownottoexpectyourfullparticipation.
Askeveryonewhoisn’ttalkingtoputthemselvesonmute
Everyonehatesbackgroundnoise,butonlytruebusinessleadershavethegutstogetridofit.Interruptwhoeveristalkingandask,“Where’sthatnoisecomingfrom?”Followupwith,“Ifyou’renotspeakingrightnow,couldyoupleasemuteyourself?”Nowthecallwillbesmootherandquieterdueinnosmallparttoyourexecutiveleadershipskills.
Stopthemeetingtopullupthedata
Stoptheconversationsoyoucanpullupthedata,andremindeveryoneweshouldbemakingdata-drivendecisions.Askifeveryoneelseislookingatthedata,too.Onceeveryonehasconfirmed,say,“OK,wecangoaheadnow,”thengobacktoreadingsportsorcelebritynews.
Ask“Who’sspeaking?”
Ifsomeonestartstalkingwithoutannouncingwhosheis,interruptandask,“Who’sspeaking?”evenifyouknowwhoitis.Thisisagreattricktousewhenyouknowyouprobablywon’tsayanythingelseonthecall.
Takethecallusingsome“cutting-edge”technology
Announcethatyou’rejoiningthemeetingusingyournewsmartwatchorsomeothercutting-edgetechnology.Yourcoworkerswillalwaysbeimpressedthatyou’retryingnewthingsbecausethey’llthinkitmeansyouknowmorethantheydoaboutthefuture.Apologizeinadvanceifyourcallisdroppedduetoyourgamechangingexperimentation.
Whensomeonementionsalargenumber,putitintermsofacityorcountry
Whensomeonementionsalargenumber,putitintermsofacity,country,orothergeographiclocation.Ifyoudon’thaveonehandy,justmakeupsomepopulationofpeople.Yourcoworkerswillbeimpressedbyyourdeepknowledgeoftheworldcensus.
Say“That’sexciting”or“Thatmakessense”or“Verycool”
Sincenoonecanseeyounoddingorsmilingthroughoutthemeeting,it’simportanttointerjectatleastonceeverytwominutessothatpeopleknowyou’rethereandyou’retotallyfollowingeverythingbeingsaid,eventhoughyou’rereallyplayingSudoku.Somegreatphrasestouseare:“Thanksforthatinsight,”“Yeah,totally,”
“Goingtohavetothinkaboutthatsomemore,”“Interesting,”“Wow,”or“Hmm.”
Instantmessageotherattendeesduringthecall
Sendquickinstantmessagestoothersduringthemeeting,suchas,“Isthismakingsensetoyou?”“Whatareyourthoughtsonthis?”and“Mylunchtodaywasthebombdotcom.”Yourcoworkerswillbeimpressedbyyourmultitaskingskills.
Suggesttakingthatoffline
Whenyouhavenocluewhatanyoneistalkingabout,suggesttakingthatoffline.Remindeveryonethatdeepdiscussionsarebetterinperson.Whensomeoneaskswhatconstitutesadeepdiscussion,sayyou’renotsure,butyou’reopentodiscussingit(offline).
Makesureeveryoneislookingatthelatestversionofthedocument
Whenreviewingadocument,interrupttosay,“Iknowthishasgonethroughafewrevisions;Ijustwanttomakesurewe’realllookingatthelatestone.”Everyonewillscrambletofigureouthowtoverifythateveryone’slookingatthesamethingandthankyouforpointingthatout.
Whensomeoneasksifwe’vecoveredeverything,say,“Ihadafewthoughts,butI’llsavethemfore-mail”
It’stheendofthecall,andtheorganizerwantstomakesurewecoveredeverything.Thisisagoodtimetosayyoustillhaveafewthingstocover,butyou’lldiscussthemseparately.Thismakesyouseemlikeyou’resavingeveryone’stimeandnoonewillremembertofollowuponyourfollow-upanyway.
PARTTWO
CORECONVERSATION
8. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK9. TEAMMEETINGS10. LEANINGALLTHEWAYIN11. IMPROMPTUMEETINGS12. HOWTOMAKEYOURMEETINGSEEMLESSLIKEAMEETING
EVENTHOUGHIT’STOTALLYAMEETING13. PRESENTATIONS14. MEETINGSPEAKCHEATSHEET15. BRAINSTORMINGMEETINGS
CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK
OWNINGTHEROOM
Duringthemeatofthemeeting,it’seasytolosefocusandfallapart.Here’showtoweaveafewtricksintoyourmeetingperformancesothatnooneknowsyoustoppedpayingattentionbeforeyouevengotthere.
8. Takeabiteoffoodtoappearalertandalsosothatnoonecanaskyouanything.Lookleftandrightsoyouappeartostillbeengaged.(SeeEmotionalIntelligencePlan)
9. Getupandstartpacing.Foraddedpoints,pacebehindthepersonwho’stalking.Thiswillmakeeveryonenervous.(SeeTrick#7)
10. Stareoutthewindowwithyourbacktotheroom,sighingdeeply.
11. Leavetotakeaphonecall.(SeeTrick#9)12. Returnandstandnearthedoor,asifyoumightleaveagain
atanytime.
13. Finallysitdowninadifferentchair,throwingeveryoneoff.
14. WonderaloudabouthowtheCEOwouldrespondtothisconversation.(SeeTrick#67)
TEAMMEETINGS
HOWTOMANAGEOPTICS
LIKEABOSSWhetherit’scalledastand-up,statusmeeting,orall-hands,thesetimesucksarethoseinescapabledaily,biweekly,weekly,monthly,quarterly,oryearlyrequirementsthatnever,evergoaway,longaftereveryone’sstartedwonderingwhyit’sstillontheircalendars.Ifyoucannaillookingsmartinthesemeetings,youmightbeluckyenoughtorunthemsomeday,atwhichpointyoucanquit.
Sitnexttothepersonleadingthemeeting
Sitnexttothepersonleadingthemeeting.Actasifyouareconferringwithhimabouttheagendaandbackinghimupattheappropriatetimes.Thiswillgivetherestoftheteamtheperceptionthatyou’recoleadingthemeeting.Andwhenfolksaregivingtheirupdates,itwillseemliketheyarepresentingtheirupdatestoyou,aswell.
Discusstheprocess
Whensomeonegivesherupdate,askifwe’rereallyusingtherightprocessthere.Thiswilllikelyderailthemeetingintoadiscussionofwhattherightprocessis,atwhichpointyoucanpointoutthatitwouldbegoodifourprocesswasclearer.Thiswillmakeyouseemlikeastrategic,goal-orientedteamplayer.
Interruptsomeone’supdate,thenlethimfinish(TheKanye)
Ifsomeoneisgivinganupdateonaproject,interrupthimandleteveryoneknowhowimportantthisupdateis.Thenaskthepersontocontinue.Thisestablishesyourdominanceoverthemeeting.
Askforatimecheck
Remindeveryonetobebriefwiththeirupdates,becausewewanttokeepthismeetingbrief.Anytimeyoutrytoshortenthemeetingyou’llseemlikeahero,evenifitresultsinlongerormoremeetings.Whenyoustartyourupdate,askhowmuchtimeyouhave.Ifthere’sonlyfiveminutesleft,sayyoureallyneedsixsoyou’llsaveyourupdatefornexttime.
THEMEETING–E-MAILCYCLESource:TheCooperReview.com
Usetheroyal“we”evenwhenyouaren’tinvolved
Whendiscussingsomeoneelse’sproject,alwaysusetheroyal“we,”evenifyouhavenothingtodowithit.Saythingslike,“Whendoyouthinkwe’llbedonewiththat?”“Weshouldreallyfocusonthat,”or“Wow,wereallyf*ckedthatoneup,didn’twe?”
Remindeveryonethatwehavelimitedresources
Doeseveryonealreadyknowwehavelimitedresources?Yes.Doyoustilllooksmartwhenyoubringitup?Definitely.
Whensomeoneasksaquestion,lookatthepersonwhoyouthinkhastheanswer
Oftentimesyou’llhaveabsolutelynoideawhattheansweristoanyquestionthat’sbeingasked.Butthatdoesn’tmatter.Youcanstillappearsmartbylookingaroundtheroomtothepersoneveryoneelseislookingat,whohopefullyhastheanswertowhateverthequestionis.Ifnoonehastheanswer,seemreallydisappointedsoeveryoneknowshowmuchheorshehasletyoudown.
Asthemeetingisending,askafewpeopletohangbacktotalkaboutaseparateissue
Whenyouaskoneortwopeopletostayafewextraminutes,itmakestherestofthegroupwonderwhatyou’llbediscussing,whytheyweren’tinvited,andwhattopsecretprojectyou’vegotbrewingupyoursleeve.They’llassumeit’ssomethingbig,eventhoughyou’rejustseeingifmaybeweshouldhavedoughnutsnexttime.
LEANINGALLTHEWAYIN
ATTENDINGMEETINGSINA
MALE-DOMINATEDWORKPLACE
Likemostwomen,I’mnotaman.Butasaworkingwomanintheworkingworld,I’msurroundedbythem.Thesausagefactoryhasinundatedeveryindustryfromgovernmenttotechcompaniestoactualsausagefactories,soit’simperativethateveryoneknowsyou’renottheretoservecoffee.Herearemy8favoritetricksfordominatingthemale-dominatedworkplace.
1.USESPORTSMETAPHORSIfthere’sonethingmenunderstand,it’ssportsmetaphors.Ifsomeonedidagoodjob,sayitwasahomerun.Ifyou’regoingtothebathroom,sayit’sparforthecourse.Usingasportsmetaphorishandsdownthebestwaytoskatetowherethepuck’sgoingtobeandkeeptheballrollingbeforeyouthrowinthetowel.
2.GIVEGOODHIGHFIVESYou’llbesurprisedtolearnthathigh-fivingisacornerstoneofmalecongratulationsintheworkplace.Givingagoodhighfiveisappropriateinalmostanysituation—nailingthatbigpitch,freebagelsinthebreakroom,washingyourhandsafteryoupee.Slamyourhighfivehardtoassertyourstrength.Makesurenooneislookingbeforeyouwinceinpain.
3. LEARNHOWTOTALKABOUTCARSThemeninyourofficeareallgoingtotalkaboutcarseventually,soyoumayaswelllearnwhattheyknowthesamewaytheylearnedit—byvisitingferrari.com,porsche.com,andlamborghini.com.
4.NEVERMAKEANYSTATEMENTTHATSOUNDSLIKEAQUESTION,EVENQUESTIONSMostwomensoundlikethey’realwaysaskingaquestion,evenwhenthey’renot?Don’tdothat.Makeeverythingyousaysoundlikeaforcefulstatement.Yourmalecounterpartsmightbeintimidatedbyyourconfidenceandeventuallyavoidyou,buttheywillcertainlyrespectyou.
5. COMPLIMENTHISSOCKSMenhaveonlytwoopportunitiesinlifetoexpressthemselvesfashion-wise:theirleftsockandtheirrightsock.Sofocusonhisfeetandcomplimentthehelloutofthem.Makehimfeellikethehundredsofhourshewastespickingoutsocksistotallyworthit.
6.WHENYOU’REASKEDTODOSOMETHINGBECAUSE“THEYNEEDMOREWOMEN,”LAUGHITOFFYoumightbeaskedtogiveapresentation,gotoabusinessdinner,orattendaneventspecificallybecause“theyneedmorewomen.”Alwayslaughoffthiscompleteinsulttoyourworthasahumanbeingandnevermakeabigdealaboutit.Saveyourcomplaintsuntilyou’rewithyourgirlfriendsanddon’tcryaboutituntilyou’rehomealoneinbedwherenoonecanseeyourtears.
7. PRANKEARLY,PRANKOFTENCoverhispencollectionwithglitter.Switchhisregularcoffeewithdecaf.Leavehimavoicemailmessageinyourboss’svoicesayingthathiscompensationwillbereducedsignificantlynextquarterduetomarketfluctuations.Youmaythinkprankingisharshorinsensitive,butyouneedtorubthatcompassionrightoutofyourheartifyou’regoingtofitin.
8.QUOTETHEBIGLEBOWSKIOrAnimalHouse.OrRudy.OrHoosiers.Orwhateverstupidmovietheycan’tstoptalkingabout.
IMPROMPTUMEETINGS
HOWTOHANDLEMEETING
SNEAKATTACKSLIKEANINJAAnimpromptumeetingmightbedisguisedasa“quickquestion,”“quickcheck-in,”or“quickchat,”butthesemeetingsneakattacksfeelmorelike“quickreasonsyoushouldhaveworkedfromhometoday.”Thekeytoappearingsmartinanimpromptumeetingistoseemexcited,available,andopentoanydiscussionwhilealsothwartinganyattemptatmeaningfulconversation.Thisway,they’llwalkaway(quickly)thinkingyouarethesmartestpersoninthehallway.
Openlywelcomethemeeting
Immediatelystopwhatyou’redoingandaskyourcoworkerhowheis.Seemgenuinelyexcitedtoseehim.Thiswillmakeyouseemapproachableandtransparent.Whenothersdescribeyou,theywillusethewords“friendly”and“warm.”Thiswilldistractfromanyshortcomingsyouhaveinknowledgeortalent.
Giveacompliment
Givingacomplimentisagreatwaytoseemtrulyinterestedinyourcoworkerwhilealsomakingherfeelalittleself-consciousandawkward.She’llmomentarilyforgetwhyshecameovertotalktoyouinthefirstplace,whichwillmakeherseemdisorganized.Bycomparison,thiswillmakeyouseemlikeyoureallyhaveyourshittogether.
Startwithahardstop
Starttheconversationwithahardstop.Thiswillmakeyourcoworkerthinkthateveryminuteofyourdayissmartlyaccountedfor.Yourcoworkerwillnowfeeltheneedtogettothepointquickly,andifhecan’t,hecansendyouane-mailinstead.
Say“IjustneedtomakesureI’mnotmissinganythingelserightnow”
Ofcourseyou’dlovetotalk,butyouneedtojustmakesureyou’renotmissinganythingelserightnow.Takeyourtimecheckingyourcalendarande-mailonyourlaptop.Thencheckyourphone.Thencheckyourtablet.Thengobacktoyourlaptop.Thensayitlookslikeyou’refree,untilsomethingcomesup.
Pullsomeoneelseintotheconversation
Pullingsomeoneelseintotheconversationwillgiveyou“connector”status—andmakeyouseemlikeyouknowwhomtotalktoaboutwhat.Oncethethirdpersonjoins,rememberthatyouhaveanothermeetingandleaveyourtwocoworkerstocontinuetheimpromptumeetingwithoutyou.
Sayyou’dlovetodocumentthisconversation
Ifyourcoworkerbeginstalkingindetailaboutaproject,saythatane-mailmightbebettersothattheconversationcanbedocumented.Iftheysaytheyalreadysentyouane-mailaboutit,askthemtosenditagainbecauseitprobablygotburied.Thenspendfiveminutescomplainingabouthowmanye-mailsyougetandhowsomanypeoplearewaitingonyourinputonseveraldifferentthings.
Sayyou’relisteningeventhoughyoucontinuetotype
Interjectwithafewuh-huhsandmm-hmmseverynowandthenwhileyoutyperandomwordsintoadocument.Yourmultitaskingskillswillseemveryimpressive.
Asktoseethedata
Prideyourselfon“data-based”decisionmakingandalwaysasktoseethedatabeforetheconversationcanmoveforward.Ifyourcoworkerhasthedata,askformore.Ifshehasmore,askhertosummarizeit.Bythetimeyougetthesummary,thedatawillbeoutofdate,soaskforthelatestdata.
HOWTOMAKEYOUR
MEETINGSEEMLESSLIKE
AMEETINGEVENTHOUGH
IT’STOTALLYAMEETING
Onewaytomakemeetingslesspainfulistodowhateveryoucantotrickpeopleintothinkingit’snotameeting.Sure,everyonestillknowsit’sameeting,butthislittletrickwillmakepeopleexpectsomethingdifferent,productive,evenenjoyable.ButSarah,yousay,won’tthisjustleadtoanevengreatersenseof
disappointmentwhenthepersonrealizesitis,infact,anothermeeting?Yes.Herearethreefuntricksformakingyourmeetingseemlesslikeameeting
eventhoughit’stotallyameeting.
1. CALLITSOMETHINGELSEIt’sagoodideatoavoidusingtheword“meeting”whenschedulingyourmeeting.Trycallingyourmeetingbyadifferentnametothrowfolksoffthescentofthefactthatitisreallyameeting.Herearesomefunalternatenamesforyourmeeting:
huddleofficehoursstand-uppowwowpulsecheckfuntimeextravaganzarallyforumquorumsummitcometoJesusbraindatecirclebacktagupcheck-infollow-upTGIFteatimemeet-uptownhall
2.GIVEYOURCONFERENCEROOMSFUNNAMESThepracticeofgivingconferenceroomscoolnamesdatesbackto1976,whenitdidn’tworkthen,either.Simplypickafunthemeforyourconferenceroomsandnowilleverrealizethatthisiswheretheirhappiness
willgotodie.Hereareafewconferenceroomthemesyoucanuseforyouroffice:Loftygoalsyou’llneverachieve:Singularity,TimeTravel,TheRespectofMyFather,RevenueGeniuseswhoaresmarterthanmostofthepeopleyou’lleverworkwith:Einstein,Plato,BuscemiTeamqualities:LackofCommitment,AvoidanceofAccountability,InattentiontoResultsAgrabbagoftechbuzzwords:Gamechanger,Disruption,UberforConferenceRooms
3.MAKEUPFUNMEETINGRITUALSMakeupfunmeetingritualstoforcepeopletohavefun.Theserulescanbehowyoustartthemeeting,ifyousitorstand,orwhohasthepowerinthemeeting.
StartwithpersonalsharingaboutweekendplansHavesomeoneelserunthemeetingeachweekGivea“successoftheweek”awardBeginwithathree-minutemeditationsessionSitonbeanbagchairsTodirectaquestionatsomeone,shootherwithaNerfgunPassarounda“talkingstone”Endwithasecrethandshake
PRESENTATIONS
HOWTONAILTHEBIGPITCH
BYNOTSAYINGMUCH
OFANYTHINGThekeytoanysuccessfulpresentationistonotmakeanassofyourselfinfrontofyourcoworkers.Forsome,thismeanslotsofpracticeandcarefulpreparation.Forpeoplewhodon’tfeellikedoingthat,itmeansfollowingthese12tricks.Thesesubtletrickswillcarefullymaskhowlittleyouknowaboutthatthingyou’resupposedtobeanexperton.
Startwithashockingfact
Beginyourpresentationwithsomethingstrongandmemorable,suchasapersonalstoryyoustoleorashockingfactthatnooneisquitesureistrue.Thiswillimmediatelygeteveryone’sattentionforaminuteortwoandthenbestuckintheirheadsfortherestofthepresentationsotheydon’tlistentoanythingelseyousay.
Holdapenandafewpapers
Makesureyou’realwaysholdingsomething,whetherit’sapen,afewloosepiecesofpaper,orboth.Thismakesyouseemoverlyprepared,givesyousomethingtousewhilepointing,andmakesiteasytoquicklyrefertoyour“notes”orpretendtobetakingnotes.
Introduceyourprojectbycomparingittoothermoresuccessfulprojects
Aneasywaytomakewhateveryou’representingseemincrediblyimportantistoputitattheendofalistofmemorablysuccessfulthings.Talkaboutthewheel,electricity,theinternalcombustionengine,theiPhone,orovernightshipping.Thensaythatthethingyou’retalkingaboutfollowsinthefootstepsofthoseincredibleinventions,likeyoutrulybelievethat.
Sayyoureallywantthistobeinteractive
Allowingyouraudiencetostopyouatanypointisaneffectivewaytoavoidhavingtogiveyourpresentationatall.Thisishelpfulespeciallywhenyoutotallyforgottoprepareanything,orprocrastinateduntilthelastmunutethenfellasleep.Askopen-endedquestionssuchas,“Whatdoyouwanttohearabout?”ormorepointedonessuchas,“Jenna,whatdoyouthinkaboutourearningslastyear?”Whenpeoplegivetheirresponses,leanagainstthewallandnod,thenlookaroundtheroomandask,“Anyoneelse?”
Putonelargewordoneachslide
Whendesigningyourslides,simplyputonelargewordinthecenterofeveryslide.Thiswordcanbeinwhitetextoveradarkbackground,inblacktextoveralightbackground,orinwhitetextoverahalf-opaquefieldoveraphotoyoustolefromGoogleImages.Readthewordaloud,thenlookattheaudienceandsay,“I’mjustgoingtoletthatsinkin.”Iftheyaren’tcompletelyoverwhelmedbyyourintelligence,they’llatleastbewonderingwhytheyaren’t.
Asksomeoneelsetocontroltheslides
Askingsomeoneelsetoruntheslidesforyouimmediatelyputsyouinapositionofpowerwhereyoucansaythingslike,“Nextslide,please,”“Justgobackafewslides,”and“Pleasetryandkeepupwithme,Janet.”Italsogivesyouleewaytowalkaroundtheroom,putyourhandsonyour
hips,andkeepeveryoneontheirtoesaboutwhereyou’llroamnext.
Beforemovingon,askifit’sOKtomoveon
There’snothinglikeacondescending,“IsitOKformetomoveon?”tomakeyouraudiencefeellikeaclassofsecondgradersatstorytime.Askforaverbalconfirmationthatit’sOKtomoveon.Makesuretoaskthisofthewholeroombutwhilelookingatonlyoneperson.Thenpauseandsay,“Nextslide,please.”
Skipoverseveralslides
Grabseveralslidesfrompreviouspresentationsorpresentationsfromyourcoworkersandputtheminbetweentheslidesyoumade.Thenjustskipoverthesequicklysaying,“Oh,wecanskipthisfornow,”or“I’llcomebacktothisifwehavetime.”Yourcoworkerswillthinkyouspenthoursandhoursoverpreparingforyourtalk.
Say“That’sagreatquestion”beforeyouavoideachquestion
Besidesbeingagreatwaytostalluntilyoucanthinkofawaytoavoidthequestion,complimentingtheaskeralsomakesyoulooklikeagenerouspresenter.Afteryoucommentonhowgreatthequestionis,noonewillevennoticewhenyousaysomethinglike,“You’llseetheanswerifyoujustkeeplistening,”“Letmeaddressthatattheend,”or“Let’sfollowupaboutthatoffline.”
WhenaVPmakesacomment,stoptowriteitdown
IfaVPorotherhigher-upmakesacomment,immediatelystopyourpresentationtowriteitdown.Say,“Greatpoint,Sheila,letmejustmakeanoteofthat,”beingsuretocallherbyherfirstname(oranickname)soeveryoneknowsyouguysarepals.
Sitontheedgeofthetable
Sittingontheedgeoftheconferencetablewillmakeyouseemmoreinformal,withouttakingawayyourairofsuperiority.Trycallingsomeone’snameandspeakingdirectlytohim.Thenlookoffintothedistancelikeyou’redeeplycontemplatingsomething.Youraudiencewillbemesmerized.
Asktheaudiencetocomeupwithkeytakeaways
Everygoodpresentationendswithkeytakeaways,butsmartpresentersalwaysasktheaudiencewhattheythoughttheywere.Don’tworryabouttheinitialawkwardness.Ifthesilencebecomesdeafening,justcallonsomeoneandactlikewhatevershesaysistotalbrilliance.Makeanoteofit.
DECIPHERINGWHATEVERYONEISSAYING
MEETINGSPEAKCHEATSHEET
BRAIN-STORMINGMEETINGS
HOWTOBEPERCEIVEDAS
THECREATIVEFORCE
ONYOURTEAMInabrainstormingmeeting,thepressureofcomingupwithincrediblenewideascanbedebilitating.Luckily,thelastthingmostcorporationswantarenewideas.Duringtheselargelypointlessexercises,thepointistocontributeusingthemeregravitasofyourpresence,makeotherpeople’sideasseemlikeyourideas,andlooklikeatrueleaderbyquestioningtheefficiencyofthewholeprocess.That’showyoukickassatabrainstormingmeeting,andhereare12trickstolooklikeyou’redoingjustthat.
Leavetogetwaterandaskifanyoneneedsanything
Justbeforethemeetingstarts,getupandaskifanyoneneedsanything.Peoplewillthinkyou’resothoughtful,kind,andgiving,plusyou’llbeabletodisappearfor10minutesnoquestionsasked.Evenifnoonewantsanything,returnwithbottlesofwater,soda,andsnacks.Yourcoworkerswillfeelcompelledtostartdrinkingandsnacking,andyourforesightwillmakethemthinkyoucanreallypredictthefuture.
Grabapadofstickynotesandstartdrawing
Whilethetopicsarebeingintroduced,graboneofthosestickynotepadsandstartdrawingmeaninglessflowcharts.Yourcoworkerswilllookoveratyouwithworriedinterest,wonderinghowyou’recomingupwithsomanycomplexideasevenbeforeyouknowwhatthismeetingisfor.
Makeananalogythat’ssosimpleitsoundsdeep
Wheneveryoneistryingtodefinetheproblem,makeananalogyaboutbakingacake,orsomethingjustascompletelyunrelated.Yourcoworkerswillnodtheirheadsinagreement,eveniftheyreallydon’tunderstandhowwhatyou’resayingisrelatedtowhatthey’retalkingabout.Talkingcompletelyovertheirheadswillmakeyouseemwildlytranscendentandintimidatinglycreative,eventhoughthetruthisyoureallyjustlikecake.
Askifwe’reaskingtherightquestions
Nothingmakesyouseemsmarterthanwhenyouquestionthequestionsbyaskingifthey’retherightquestions.Ifsomeonerespondsbyaskingyouwhatyouthinktherightquestionsare,sayyoujustaskedone.
Useanidiom
Usinganidiomtoquestionanideaisasubtle,smartwayofquestioningit.Herearesomeidiomstochoosefrom:
Isn’tthatgildingthelily?Isn’tthatputtinglipstickonapig?Seemslikewe’repolishingaturd.
Developaquirky,creativehabitthat“getsyourjuicesflowing”
Developaquirkyhabitthat“helpsyouthink”and“getsyourcreativejuicesflowing.”Thiscouldbeanythingfromshowingupinyourpajamas,meditatingonthefloor,jogginginplace,throwingaballagainstthewall,airdrummingwithyourfavoritedrumsticks,orallofthosethingsatthesametime.Evenifyou’renotactuallycomingupwithanyideas,yourcoworkerswillbeintimidatedbyyouruncontrollablecreativeenergy.
SayhowyouthinktheCEOwouldrespond
MakeyourcoworkersthinkthatyouhaveaverycloserelationshipwiththeCEObybringinguphowyouthinkshewouldrespondtoanidea.MentionyourCEObyherfirstname.Sayyoumightrunthisbyherduringyournextpowwow.Congratulateeveryoneforcomingupwithsomethingshe’dlike.ByassociatingyourselfsocloselywiththeCEO,peoplewillstarttothinkofyouassomekindofCEO-in-training.
Ifsomeonecomesupwithagoodidea,sayyouhadthatsameideayearsago
Ifsomeonecomesupwithanideathateveryoneseemstolike,sayyouhadthesameideabefore.Thiswayyou’vealignedyourselfwiththegoodideabyindirectlytakingcreditforit.
Whenanideahaspotential,challengeitbyplayingdevil’sadvocate
Whenanideahaspotentialandeveryoneseemstolikeit,that’sagoodtimetoplaydevil’sadvocate.Takeanassumptionthateveryone’smakingandturnthatassumptiononitshead.Thensayyou’rejustplayingdevil’sadvocate.Yourcoworkerswillseeyou’reconsideringtheproblemmoredeeplythananyoneelseandbeimpressedwithyourabilitytocontinuetalkingincirclesaboutthisforanotherthreehours.
Askifwe’recreatingtherightframework,platform,ormodel
Youwillalwaysappearasifyou’rethinkingbiggerthaneveryoneelsebybringingupaframeworkformovingforward,oramodelofthinking,orhowwecanturnthisintoaplatform.It’saverymetawayofblowingeveryone’smindsandmaskingthefactthatyouhavenoideawhateveryone’stalkingabout.
Wheneveryoneseemstolikeanidea,yellout“Shipit!”
There’llcomeapointwheneveryoneseemstobereallyexcitedaboutanideaordirection.Atthispointyoushouldtrytobethefirstpersontoyellout“Shipit!”Sure,it’safunnythingtosaythatwillmakepeoplelaugh,butdoingthiswillalsoconveysomeauthorityonyourparttobothendthemeetingandmakeafinaldecision,eventhoughyouhavenopowertodoeither.
Takepicturesoftheideasattheendofthemeeting
Afterthemeetingisover,staybackandtakepicturesofthewhiteboard,corkboard,chalkboard,andanyboardthathasanythingonit.Thene-mailyourpicturestotherestoftheattendeesandthankthemforsuchafruitfuldiscussion.Thenimmediatelydeletetheimagesbecauseyou’llnever,everdoanythingwiththem.Ever.
PARTTHREE
NEXTSTEPS
16. CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK17. NETWORKINGEVENTS18. WHATTODOWITHYOURHANDS
DURINGANETWORKINGEVENT19. TEAMBUILDINGOFFSITES20. FAMOUSMEETINGSTHROUGHHISTORY21. ADVANCEDMEETINGPOWERMOVES
TOGETYOUPROMOTED(ORFIRED)22. BUSINESSDINNERS
CONFERENCEROOMPLAYBOOK
LEAVINGTHEROOM
Thefinal20minutesofthemeetingisakeytimetomakesureeveryoneleavestheroomrememberingyourcontributions.Sinceyoudidn’tmakeanycontributions,though,you’llhavetomakethemthinkyoudidbyusingthesefinal,meeting-winningtricks.
15. Nodvigorouslywhiletakingnotesinyournotebook.(SeeTrick#4)16. Write“roadmap”onthewhiteboard,thenputasquarearoundit.(See
WhiteboardTactics)17. Leanagainstthewallandwonderifwe’rethinkingbigenough.18. Makeananalogyaboutbakingacake.(SeeTrick#63)19. Whensomeoneasksifwe’vecoveredeverything,returntoyourseatand
sayyouhadafewmorethoughtsbutyou’llfollowuplater.(SeeTrick#32)
20. Askthattwopeoplehangbacktotalkaboutaseparateissue.(SeeTrick#40)
21. Excuseyourselfandleavethemontheirown.
NETWORKINGEVENTS
HOWTOBUILD
RELATIONSHIPSWITHPEOPLE
YOU’LLNEVERSEEAGAINThemostimportantthingtorememberatanetworkingeventisnottopuncheveryoneyoumeetintheface.Mostpeoplehatenetworkingevents,butIseethemasagreatopportunitytoappearinfluentialandwell-connectedtopeopleI’venevermetandwillnevermeetagain.Fromyournametagtoyourhandshaketopretendingtobeinterestedinotherpeople’slives,eachpartofanetworkingeventisimportant.Keepinmindthese10trickswhileyouwalkaroundwishingyouwereanywhereelse.
Whensomeoneaskswhatyoudo,usewordslike“proprietary”and“technology”and“exciting”
Spiceupanyboringoralrésumébydescribingyourworkas“proprietary”orappendingtheword“technology”toanyterm.Andbesuretosayhowyou’reveryexcitedaboutalltheincrediblyexcitingthingsyou’redoing.
Don’twearyournametag
You’llalwayslooksmartifyoudon’tfollowalltherulesandappeartobedoingthings“yourway”(meaning,whatItellyoutodointhisbook).Onewaytodothisistonotputonyournametag.Whensomeoneasksyouwhereyournametagis,sayyoudon’tbelieveinnametagsandyouthinkpeopleshouldjusttalktoeachother.Peoplewillfindithardnottoagreewithyou.
Whensomeonementionssomethingyou’veneverheardof,pretendyou’veheardofit
Alwaysnodinagreementwhensomeonestartstalkingaboutanapp,book,orpersonyou’veneverheardof.Iftheyaskyouaboutyourexperiencewithsaidapp/book/person,saysomethinggenericabouthowyou’renotsureit’stherightplatform,ortheconceptwasfuzzy,oryouthoughtshehadagreathandshake.Thenexcuseyourselftogetanotherdrinkandavoidthispersonfortherestofyourlife.
Drinkwheneveryoneelsedoes
Whenthepersonyou’retalkingtodrinks,takeadrink,too.Thisisasubtlecuetoletpeopleknowyou’rereallyfittingin.Italsoensuresthatnooneexpectsyoutofillthesilence.
Sayyou’reheretobuildyournetwork
Letpeopleknowthatyou’reheretobuildyournetwork.Thismakesitclearthatyoualreadyhaveanetworkandyou’rejustheretomakeyournetworkevenbiggerthanitalreadyis.Usecomputerscienceyanalogiestodescribeyourrelationships.Talkaboutthenodesandconnectionsinyournetworkandhowyouwanttobeabridgebetweenthefirewallsoffree-flowingknowledgesharing.
Introducepeopleasiftheyshouldalreadyknoweachother
Whenyouhavetheopportunitytointroducetwopeople,makeareallybigdealaboutthefactthattheydidn’tknoweachotherbefore.Saythingslike“Ican’tbelieveyoudon’tknowDevin!”or“Howhaven’tyoumetAllisonyet?”Yourcolleagueswillfeeltheinexplicableneedtothankyoufortheintroductionandmentiontotheirfriendsthatyouintroducedthem,andworshipyoulikethegodofnetworkingyouare.
Whensomeoneasksforabusinesscard,sayyoumighthaveoneleft
Alwaysmakeitseemlikeyoumighthavejustgivenyourlastbusinesscardawaybutthenfinallyfindone.Thiswillmakeitseemlikeyou’vealreadygottenalotofimportantnetworkingdone.Itwillalsomaketheotherpersonthinkthebusinesscardyougaveherwasyourlastone,soshemightwaitafewextrahoursbeforethrowingitaway.
Askpeopletotellyoutheirstory
Neverasksomeonewhatshedoes.Askhertotellyouherstoryinstead.Ifthepersonanswerswithwhatshedoes,say,“Sure,that’swhatyoudo,butthat’snotwhoyouare,”andaskhertotellyouherstoryagain.Thisisakintoaskingsomeoneaquestionshe’llneverknowifshe’sansweringcorrectly,whichwillmakeherfeelsortofdumbandthinkyoumustbemuchsmarterthansheis.
Ifsomeoneasksyouwhatyou’reworkingon,sayit’sprettyconfidential
Avoidgettingintospecificsaboutwhatyou’reworkingonbysayingthatyourprojectis“hush-hush,”“underwraps,”or“onthedownlow.”Sayyoucan’tsayanythingmorewithouthavingthemsignanondisclosureagreement.Themoresecretiveyourresponse,themorepowerfulyou’llseem,andthemoretheotherpersonwillbelieveyou’reworkingonsomethingimportant,anddefinitelynotspendingalldayreadingWikipediaarticlesaboutdinosaurs.
Togetoutofaconversation,sayyouhavesomepeoplewaitingonyou
It’snevereasygettingoutofapointlessconversation,letalonegettingoutof18pointlessconversationseveryhour.Onegreatwaytodothisistosayyouhavesomepeoplewaitingonyou.Thefactthattherearepeoplewaitingonyouisimpressiveenough,butaddtothatthefactthatyoudon’twanttokeepthemwaiting,and,well,you’reboundtobeseenassomesortofcorporatecelebrity.Yourcolleagueswillsecretlybewonderingwho’swaitingonyou(yourLyftdriver).
WHATTODO
WITHYOURHANDS
DURINGA
NETWORKINGEVENTThenumber-oneareaoffailureformostpeopleduringanetworkingeventisanobviouslackofthingstodowiththeirhands.Evenifyouhavethemostinterestingjobtitleintheworld,noonewillwanttotalktoyouifyourhandsareflailingaboutaimlessly.Toavoidthisnetworkingeventcatastrophe,tryoneofthesehandyactivities.
1.Holdadrinkcasuallywithonehand.Thenswitchtotheotherhand.Thenswitchback.
2.Whensomeoneasksyouhowthedrinksare,usethishandgesture.
3.Buryyourhandsinyourpocketstoaddanairofmysterytoyourmaritalstatus.
4.Crossingyourarmsletspeopleknowthatyouaren’teasilyimpressed,andalsoit’schillyinhere.
5.Callthewaitertobringhorsd’oeuvresandshowpeopleyou’renostrangertobeingserved.
6.Pointandwaveatthebusboytomakeitseemlikeyou’realwayspolitetothestaff.
7.Coveryourmouthinshockwhensomeonetellsyoushejustmovedbackinwithherparents.
8.Holdupyourcreditcardtoleteveryoneknowyou’regettingsomepointsforthesedrinks.
9.Holdingyourjacketmakespeoplewonderwhyyoudon’ttrustcoatcheck.
10.Thisdeeplyintrospectiveposeshowspeoplehowdeeplyintrospectiveyouare.
11.Claspyourhandsbehindyourbackwhileslowlypacingandsilentlyjudgingeveryone.
12.Thoughtfullyadjustyourglassesasyoulistentosomeone’sbusinessplan.
13.Who’sgottwothumbsandlovesconferences?Thisguy!
14.Groomingyoureyebrowsshowsyoucareaboutyourneatappearance.
15.Usethisgesturetogetsomeonetorepeattheamountoffundinghisstart-upjustgot.
16.Playfullychallengeyourdrinkingpartnertoakaratematchandpretendyouknowkarate.
17.Yawningmightbeconsideredrude,butsayyou’rejusttiredfromanall-nighter,notboredoutofyourmind.
18.Scratchyourheadwhennoonethinksit’sweirdhoweveryoneherehas“VP”intheirofficialtitles.
19.Whenyouseesomeoneapproachingwhomyoudon’twanttotalkto,takealargebiteoffoodandthenpointatyourmouth.
20.Leteveryoneknowyou’regonnagominglewithacasualthumbovertheshoulder.
21.Airdrummingshowseveryonehowmusicallyinclinedyouliketopretendyouare.
TEAMBUILDINGOFFSITES
JOININGTHE
CORPORATECULTURECLUBToappearsmartatateambuildingoffsite,youmustbepreparedforintensepretendingonbothaphysicalandmentallevel.Althoughmostoffsitesthesedaysdon’tinvolvetraditionaltrustfalls,you’lllikelystillhavetolevitateacopperrodinunison,playanimprovgame,orotherwiseappeartoreallyconnectwithyourteam.Thismeansshowingthatyou’vegrownandlearnedsomething,encouragingothersintheirlearningandgrowth,andwishingforevenmorelearningandgrowthinthefuture.
Wearrunninggearoryogapants
Showupwearingyouryoga,running,lifting,ortennisoutfit.Dosomelightstretchesbeforetheactivitiesstart.Thiswillmakepeoplethinkyou’veexercisedinthepastyear.Bonus:Whenyougettiredafteraboutanhour,youryogapantsaregreattonapin.
Sayyouwishwecoulddothiseveryday
Seemgenuinelyexcitedtobeoutoftheoffice,evenifyou’rejustinaconferenceroomatahotelandyou’dreallyratherbesleepingunderyourdesk.
Makeavaguestatementabouthowthisactivityrelatestowhatwe’refacingonourteam
Playingtug-of-war?Relatethistohowyou’realwaysfightinginternallyforthesameresources.Settingupahumanshield?Saysomethingabouthowyouoftenfeellikeyourcompanyisn’tprotectingyou.Solvingamathriddle?Sayhowmuchyouhatemath.Relatingeverymind-numbingexercisebacktotheteamwillmakeyouseemdeeplyabstract.
Wonderhowwecanincorporatetheseactivitiesintoourstaffmeeting
Makeacommentabouthowfunthisisandhoweveryoneisworkingtogethersowell.Thenask,“Howcanweworkthisintoourday-to-day?”Sayit’sarhetoricalquestionthatyou’dlikeeveryonetothinkaboutforthefuture.
Askforan“energycheck”
Afterlunch,askhoweveryone’senergylevelsaredoing,andsayyouwanttomanageeveryone’senergy.Leteveryoneknowthathavinggoodenergyisimportantandifwehavelowenergy,weshouldreallydosomekindofenergeticexercise.
Cheerrandomly
Everyonceinawhile,letouta“Woohoo!”ora“Goteam!”orboth.Yourenthusiasmwillmakeyoulooklikeatrueteamplayer.
Sayhowmuchyougenuinelylikeyourcoworkers,asifit’sahugerevelation
Pretendtolookatyourcoworkersasifyou’reseeingthemforthefirsttime,beforeyouknewhowannoyinglypassive-aggressivetheywouldbeonadailybasis.Sayhowmuchyoureallylikethemandhowluckyyouaretoworkwithpeoplewhoaresocool.Thiswillmakeyourcoworkersfeelspecial,asifyoutrulycareaboutthem.
Askforagrouphighfive
Whentheeventisover,askforateamhugorahighfive.Thensayhowimpressedyouarewithhowitwasorganizedandaskforaroundofapplausefortheorganizer.Thiswillensurethatwhoeverorganizedthiseventgetsstuckwiththenextone,too,sothatyoudon’thavetodealwithit.
FAMOUSMEETINGS
THROUGHHISTORYWhatcanwelearnaboutmeetingsfromthemostfamousmeetingsthathaveevertakenplace?Usethesegoldennuggetstonudgeyourteamtowardsuccess,andyourabilitytoappearsmartwilltranscendtimeandspace.
ThePyramids2630BC
Canyouimagineworkingaprojectwithoutbeingabletotrackanysuccessmetricsuntiltheafterlife?That’swhattheancientEgyptiansdid.Theirabilitytoundertakeprojectsthatspannedhundredsofyears
canteachusalotaboutquarterlyplanning.
TheTrojanHorse1190BC
Whennothingelsewasworking,theGreekspretendedtogiveupbutactuallywerehidinginsideagiantwoodenhorse.Needlesstosay,whenthisideacameup,everyonethoughtitwascrazy—andifithadn’t
worked,someonedefinitelywouldhavelostajob.
TheLastSupperWednesday,April1,33AD
Youthoughtyouweretheonlyonewithamandatorybusinessdinneronhumpday?JesuswastheVPofhistime,makingsuretogetfullapprovalforalavishdinnerfromhisCEO.Shortlythereafter,hereceivedthe
highestpromotion.
TheKnightsoftheRoundTable450AD
KingArthur’stablewasroundbecauseeveryonehadequalpower.SiliconValleyisjustgettingintotheholacracygame,butdistributedauthorityexistedlongagoandtheirtacticalmeetingswereincredibly
efficient,accordingtolegend.
SistineChapelMay10,1508
It’stoughtofindgoodcontractorsthesedays,isn’tit?Anditwastoughbackin1508,too.IttooksevenyearstoconvinceMichelangelotosignonthedottedline,andthenittookhim11yearstofinishtheproject.
Luckily,hewasabletogiveconsistentstatusupdatesthatkepteveryonefocusedonthebigpicture.
Women’sSuffrage1756
Finally,awoman,LydiaTaft,isallowedtovoteinthetownmeetinginUxbridge,Massachusetts.Itwasthefirstvictoryforwomeninmeetings,andnowwomenareencouragedtospeakupinmeetingsaroundthe
world,aslongastheystillsmileandagreewitheverything.
SecondContinentalCongress1776
Nooneinthismakeshiftgovernmenthadanyrealauthoritytodoanything,buttheywentaheadanddiditanyway.Itwasoneoftheearliest-knowninstancesofateamthatdecidedtoapologizelaterinsteadof
askingpermissionfirst,settingthestageforGoogle’s“20percenttime,”whereemployeesareencouragedtodowhatevertheywantaslongasit’soutsidetheirnormal60-hourworkweek.
MeetingoftheFiveFamilies1931
ThefirstmeetingoftheNewYorkFiveFamiliesestablishedaruleofconsensusamongtheMafiaandwascertainlyanearlierpredecessortotoday’sPayPalMafia.However,therealheroeshereweretheonesdoingthescheduling.Findinganeveningwhereeachofthesemobsterswasfreewasalogisticalnightmare10
timesworsethanadeadbodyfloatingintheriver.
Recordingof“WeAretheWorld”January28,1985
Ifyou’veeverhadtopullanall-nighterwithcolleagueswhodescribethemselvesas“rockstars,”youmighthaveasenseofwhatrecording“WeAretheWorld”waslike.Thankfullyforthisgroupproject,theyallleft
theiregosatthedoor(becausetherewasasignonthedoorthatsaid,“Leaveyouregosatthedoor”).
ADVANCEDMEETING
POWERMOVESTOGET
YOUPROMOTED(ORFIRED)
Atinyhandfulofyouhavelikelyalreadymasteredappearingsmartinmeetingsandhavebeenpromotednumeroustimesasaresult.Thisistrueformostmidcareerexecutiveswho’veclockedinover15,000hoursofmeetingtime.Butwhataboutthenext15,000hours?Forthat,you’llneedtomoveontosomeadvancedtactics.Findsomeinspirationinthese(unverified)storiesofunabashedmeeting
brilliance,successfullyexecutedbythemostpowerfulleadersinthecorporateworld.
CONFERENCECALLWHILESKYDIVING
Inthesummerof2012,awell-knowntechexecutivegaveapresentationfromahelicopterhoveringovertheconventioncenterwherehiscompany’skeynotewastakingplace.Thenhejumped,puttingeveryothervideoconferencecallinhistorytoshame.
LUNCHMEETINGEXCEPTYOU’RETHEONLYONEBEINGSERVEDFOOD
AcertainSanFranciscoexecutiveneverattendsmeetingsintheoffice.Instead,heinviteshisteamtohishouseoverlookingthewater,wheretheymeetinhisgranddiningroom.Healoneisservedlunchbyhispersonalchef,whiletheypresenttheirweeklyreportstohimandgohungry.
BRINGALONGYOURMASSEUSE
Anotherwell-knowntechexecutiveisknowntoattendmeetingswhilereceivingamassage,sayingithelpshis“processoforganicdecisionmaking.”Hearriveswithhismasseuse,whocarrieshismassagechair,thenproceedstodeliverhis“uh-huhs”and“mm-hmms”whilethekinksinhisneckareworkedout.
SCHEDULEANINTENSE,MULTIDAYMEETING
Whatproblemcan’tbesolvedbysittingtogetherinaconferenceroomallday,everyday,forfivedaysstraight?Championthisasagreatwaytotackletheneedforbigideas,teamdynamics,orproductfixes,andgetsomeoneelsetoplanitandrunitbypromisinghimapromotionattheendofthequarter(butstilltakecreditforcomingupwiththeidea).
Keepinmindthereisadirectcorrelationbetweeninsanemeetingbehaviorandhowsmartpeoplethinkyouare.Buttrythesetacticsonlyifthere’slittletonochancetheycanfireyou(likeifyou’retheCEOorifyou’reaprettyreliablewitnessinanongoingsexualharassmentlawsuit).
BUSINESSDINNERS
HOWTOAPPEARSMARTIN
FORCEDSOCIALSITUATIONSIfyouhaveabusinessdinneronyourcalendar,thatmeansyou’rewellonyourwaytobecomingaveryimportantperson.Notonlycanyounowtellyourcolleaguesthatyou’releavingearlytoattendabusinessdinnerbutalsoyoucantellyourfamilyyou’renotcominghomebecauseofabusinessdinner,andyoucansaytoyourmom,“Sorry,Mom,I’matabusinessdinner.”Onceyou’reatthebusinessdinner,however,youneedtodoeverythingyoucantoensurenoonerealizesyouprobablyshouldn’thavebeeninvited.
WHATTOTALKABOUTATABUSINESSDINNER
Source:TheCooperReview.com
TOPICSTODISCUSSLeonardCohenYourMastermindgroupMeditationNightvs.daydoulasBroadwayHowtocookduckTheimportanceofstorytellingRealHousewivesofNYYourloveforkaleYourtriathlontrainingSpaceXHumanitarianmissionsThefutureoftechnologyPorchetta
TOPICSTOAVOIDToastmastersofAmericaBeinganevangelistofanythingYour“experiments”YourfavoriteshotgunAlienconspiracytheoriesYourstruggleswithinvitroRealHousewivesofNJThecareeryouwishyouhadYourteenager’slatestarrestBodilyfunctionsBacon
Bringyourlaptopbag
Alwaysbringyourlaptopbagtobusinessdinners.Yourlaptopdoesn’tactuallyhavetobeinthebag;simplyhavingthebagmakesyoulooklikeyou’regoingtobeheadinghomeafterdinnertocontinueworking.
Whispersomethingtothepersonnexttoyou,thenlaugh
Leanoverandsaysomethingintotheearofthepersonnexttoyou—itcanbeanythingfrom“It’skindofcoldinhere,isn’tit?”to“Wherearethebreadsticks?”or“Doyouknowwhenthisthingissupposedtobeover?”Whateveryousay,it’llmakeyoulooklikeyou’rediscussingsomethingsecretiveandimportant.
Askthewaiterforarecommendation,thenordersomethingthatisn’tonthemenu
Askingforadvicemakesyoulooksmart.Completelyignoringitandleavingeveryonewonderingwhyyoubotheredtoaskforanyone’sopinioninthefirstplacemakesyoulooklikeaCEO.
Orderadrink
Dependingonwhatyouordertodrink,thereareseveralwaystoappearsmart.
Ifyouorderaglassofwine:Askwhenthebottlewasopened.Thismakesitseemlikequalityisveryimportanttoyou.
Ifyouorderbeer:MakesureyourbeerisasdarkasyourCEO’ssoul,ifthat’sevenpossible.
Ifyouorderaspecialtycocktail:Ordersomethingexoticthatnoone’severheardof;thiswayyou’llseemlikearealtrailblazer.
Ifyouorderwater:Giveyourwaiteradisapprovinglookifheoffersyoutapwater.(SeeEmotionalIntelligencePlan)
Lookyourcolleagueintheeyeandsay“Cheers”inaforeignlanguage
Remindeveryonethatit’ssevenyearsofbadsexifyoudon’tlookeachotherintheeyeswhiletoasting.Itwillmakeyouseemlikeyoucareabouttraditionandknowhistoryorsomething.Thenlearnhowtosay“cheers”insomeforeignlanguage.Thiswillmakeyouseemworldly,likeyoureallycouldhandlethoseinternationalaccounts.
Whensomeoneasks,“Whatareyoumostexcitedaboutinthecomingquarter?”say,“Innovation”
Whenthetopicofwhatyou’remostexcitedaboutcomesup(anditwill),talkaboutinnovation.Mentionsomethingaboutinnovationeffortsandinnovationopportunities.
Volunteersomeonetogiveaspeech
Volunteerthemostseniorpersonatthetabletogiveaspeechaboutthefuture.Ifyou’rethemostseniorperson,volunteerthenewestpersontotalkaboutwhathelovesmostabouthisnewteam.
Tellsomeoneshe’smadeagoodpointandthenpulloutyourphonetojotitdown
Whenoneofyourcolleaguesmakesapointaboutsomethingheseemstothinkisinteresting,pretendtobeimpressedandsayyoudon’twanttoforgetit.Pullyourphoneoutandmakeanoteofit.Thismakesyoulooklikeyouhaveanypoweratalltodoanythingaboutwhathejustsaid.Italsogivesyouachancetocheckyourmessageswithoutappearingrude.
Suggestaseatswitch
Longdinnertablesforceyoutohaveaconversationwiththesamepersonallnight.Askforaseatswaptogiveeveryoneachancetomingle;it’llmakeyoulooklikeyoucareaboutcamaraderieandgetyououtofhavinganyconversationsthataretoodeep.
Say“Pingmeaboutthattomorrow”
Ifanyonebringsupwork-relateditems,askhimtopingyouaboutittomorrow.Sincetheboozeisgoingonthecompany’sdime,thereisliterallynowayhewillremembertoactuallydoit,butyou’llseemimportantinthemoment.Andafterall,isn’tthatwhatreallymatters?
FOLLOW-UP
INBETWEENMEETINGS
DOWNTIMEIS
YOURTIMETOSHINE
Evenwhenyou’renotinameeting,it’simportantthatyoucontinuetoappearsmart.
1. SENDATHANK-YOUE-MAILAftereachmeeting,sendane-mailtoallattendeesandthankthemfortakingthetimetomeet.Andthanktheorganizerfororganizingandthankthenotetakerfortakingnotes.Andthankthepersonwhobroughtsnacks.Andifnoonebroughtsnacks,suggesttherebesnacksnexttime.
2.WALKAROUNDWITHYOURLAPTOPOPENUseanantiglarescreenonyourlaptopsothatnoonecantellyou’reactuallyreadingthenews.
3.ALWAYSUSEA“SENTFROMMYPHONE”E-MAILSIGNATUREUsea“sentfrommyphone”signature,evenwhenyou’renotsendingfromyourphone.Thismakesyoulooklikeyou’realwaysbusyandonthegoandalsogetsyououtofproofreading.
4. SAYYOUDIDN’TSEETHATONYOURCALENDARInsteadofshowinguptoameeting,simplydon’t.Whenyouarepingedaboutjoining,sayyoudidn’tseeitonyourcalendar.Thefactthattheycouldn’tstartthemeetingwithoutyouwillmakeyoulookveryimportant.
5. SUGGESTAMEETINGWhenane-mailthreadgetspast25replies,acontestofefficiencyhasbegunandthefirstpersontosuggestameetingisthewinner.Bethatwinner.Suggestthatmeeting.
6. REQUESTAPOSTMORTEMWhenaprojectgetscanceled,requestapostmortemtodeterminewhatwentwrong.Sayyou’dreallyliketobetherewhenthepostmortemispresented,soyoucanlearnfromothers’mistakes.
7. COMPLAINABOUTHOWMANYMEETINGSYOUHAVEAlwayscomplainabouthowmanymeetingsyouhave,butneversayexactlyhowmany—justtakehowmanymeetingsotherpeoplehaveanddoubleit.That’showmanymeetingsyouhave.
8.WRITEAMEMOABOUTUNPRODUCTIVEMEETINGSSendamemosayinghowyouwishmeetingscouldbemoreproductive.
9. SCHEDULEAMEETINGCALLED“QUICK
CHAT”WITHONEOFYOURMOREANNOYINGCOWORKERSThenkeeppostponingitatthelastminutewithoutanyexplanation.Whenheaskswhatthemeetingisabout,sayyou’lldiscussitinthemeeting,whichyouknowwillneverhappen.
10. SCHEDULEAMEETINGABOUTREDUCINGTHENUMBEROFMEETINGSGeteveryonetogetherinaroomandwonderifthereshouldbemeeting-freedays,ormeeting-freeafternoons,ormeeting-freemornings.Runoutoftimeanddecidetocontinuethediscussioninanothermeeting.
Many,manythankstoeveryonewhoreadandsharedtheoriginalarticleonMedium,Facebook,Twitter,andeverywhereelse;allofmyextendedsocialmediafamilyfortheircontinualsupport,ideas,andfeedback;MattEllsworth,TamaraOlson,andDavidBishopforreadingandimproving
eachandeveryearlydraft;ChristianBaxter,SophieGassée,andJeffreyPalmforbeingmyfearlesslybelievablemeetingmodels;OssieKhan,myskydivingexpert;themostkick-assagentandbestlunchdateintheworld,SusanRaihofer(andChristinaHarcarforbringingustogether);themostpatienteditorintheworld,PattyRice;theentireteamatAndrewsMcMeelforsupportingthisprojectandwelcomingmetothefamily;mysister,Charmaine,forenduringendlesstextmessages;Mom,Dad,Rachael,George,Susie,Ryan,Tyler,IrenetheFourth,IrenetheFifth,and,mostofall,myhusband
Jeff,thepersonwhocracksmeupandkeepsmegoing.Iloveyou.
100TrickstoAppearSmartinMeetingscopyright©2016bySarahCooper.Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybeusedorreproducedinanymannerwhatsoeverwithoutwrittenpermissionexceptinthecaseofreprintsinthe
contextofreviews.
AndrewsMcMeelPublishingadivisionofAndrewsMcMeelUniversal
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ISBN:978-1-4494-8187-2
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SarahCooperhasappearedsmartinvirtuallyeverymeetingshe’severattended,eventhevirtualones.DuringhertimeatYahoo!andGoogle,Sarahbeganjottingdownthesetrickswhilepretendingtopayattention.Soonafter,shecreatedthesatiricalblog,TheCooperReview.com,readbyhundredsofthousandsaroundtheworld.Sarahliveswithherhusband,Jeff,inSanFranciscoand,whennotmakingfunofeverything,enjoysstand-upcomedy,90srock,andbothsunnyandcloudydaysequally.
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TableofContentsLetMeTellYouWhatI’mGoingtoTellYoubeforeITellYouAgainPartOne:SettingtheStage1.ConferenceRoomPlaybook:EnteringtheRoom2.GeneralMeetings:10KeyStrategiesforAppearingSmart3.WhiteboardTactics:21MeaninglessDiagramsYouCanDraw4.One-on-One:HowtoConvinceYourCoworkerYouCare5.EmotionalIntelligencePlan:WhattoDowithYourFace6.ConferenceCalls:HowtoSoundSmartoverthePhone7.GoingGlobal:HowtoAppearSmartinMeetingsaroundtheWorldPartTwo:CoreConversation8.ConferenceRoomPlaybook:OwningtheRoom9.Teammeetings:HowtoManageOpticsLikeaBoss10.LeaningalltheWayIn:AttendingMeetingsinaMale-DominatedWorkplace11.ImpromptuMeetings:HowtoHandleMeetingSneakAttacksLikeaNinja12.How toMakeYourMeetingSeemLessLike aMeetingEvenThough it’sTotallyaMeeting
13.Presentations:HowtoNailtheBigPitchbyNotSayingMuchofAnything14.MeetingSpeakCheatSheet:DecipheringWhatEveryoneIsSaying15.BrainstormingMeetings:HowtoBePerceivedastheCreativeForceonYourTeam
PartThree:NextSteps16.ConferenceRoomPlaybook:LeavingtheRoom17.NetworkingEvents:How toBuildRelationshipswithPeopleYou’llNeverSeeAgain
18.WhattoDowithYourHandsDuringaNetworkingEvent19.TeambuildingOffsites:JoiningtheCorporateCultureClub20.FamousMeetingsThroughHistory21.AdvancedMeetingPowerMovestoGetYouPromoted(orFired)22.BusinessDinners:HowtoAppearSmartinForcedSocialSituations23.InBetweenMeetings:DowntimeIsYourTimetoShine