founder communication workshop april 2016 (500 startups)
TRANSCRIPT
Founder Communication
InnerSpaceJoe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla
April 15, 2016
Why are we doing this? (Part 1)
Why are we doing this? (Part 2)
One Big Idea
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
Feelings & Emotions – Why??Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Self-Disclosure
Will I be less liked,
respected, influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the
relationship?
Will others use this
information against me?
How will others
see/assess/ judge me?
“What in my ‘bubble’
should I share?”
Self-Disclosure
“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ BROWN
Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top quartile managers from bottom quartile managers was strength of affection.”--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Effective Teams
1. Participation2. Collaboration3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
“I’m starting to feel defensive”
Inward (my emotions)
Outward(others’ emotions)
Emotional Awareness
Emotional Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to begetting agitated”
• Take a deep breath• “Could you give me a sec?”• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ
Feedback & Influence
#1 Factor for Happiness on the Job: Feeling appreciated
-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
1. Create a space for it
2. Lead by example
Photo: Robbie Grubbs
Can I give you some feedback?
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response
So… how do we communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behaviorWhen you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on youI feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Stay on your side of the net!
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about what message that might send to others in the room.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try another example…
1. You’re not very approachable.2. When I asked you for time off last week, you didn’t
respond very well. You’re not very approachable.3. When I asked you for time off last week and you
said “oh man, the team really needs you right now,” I felt guilty for asking, even though that time off is important to me. And I’ve noticed I’m more hesitant now to approach you with questions or requests.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Setup
1. Check in – “Is now a good time?”
2. Soft Start– Do not use praise to buffer criticism (“The Sandwich”)– Do emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
“My intention is…… / This matters to me because…”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Help the other person feel heard– Ask clarifying questions– Restate what you’ve heard to confirm understanding
• Acknowledge your feelings– Manage your own defensiveness: “Affect Labeling”– Disclose your reactions, thoughts, feelings
• Gift mentality: Say “Thank you!”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityEnd with Agreements
• Make requests– What are we going to try / do differently going forward?
• Be specific• Discuss the error case
– What can we do if someone doesn’t do their part of the agreement?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net:
When you do [x]…
I feel [y]…
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus
area
Communication & Management– Too much/little– Choice of format– Email etiquette
– Language choices, communication style with others
– Transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence– What energy do you feel from
this person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress
Fostering a feedback-rich culture
• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)– And set expectations of others to do the same
Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net