F R I E N D S F I R S T

SPOTLIGHT ON… Daniel & Jim

Jim J. and Daniel B. have

now been matched for two

years. During this time,

Jim and Daniel have been

able to establish a strong

friendship as they share

their interests with one

another. One interest they

have in common is their

excitement for staying

active. Daniel really looks

forward to his outings with

Jim especially when they

visit a fitness center in

Northbrook. Both Jim and Daniel get an opportunity to

stay active but they also talk about their week.

Even though visiting the fitness center is a lot of fun,

Daniel truly enjoys all the outings he and Jim have done.

Daniel describes his match with Jim as, “really

interesting and fun.” They have visited different places

throughout the city, attended several Friends First events,

watched a few documentaries, and attended at least one

game of each of the Chicago sports team. This made it

difficult for Daniel to pick a favorite outing but after

narrowing it down to the top three, Daniel was able to

state that his favorite outing was going to the Chicago

Bears’ home opener. It was a lot of fun not only to see the

players up close but also to see them win on their home

field!

When asking Daniel about his match, Daniel spoke of Jim

with high regard. He stated that over the past two years,

Jim has been a great friend and has helped him a lot.

Daniel stated that Jim has given him a lot of support and

advice on school. He also appreciates that Jim has been a

good listener and is nonjudgmental when Daniel is feeling

upset and needs someone to talk with.

Participating in Friends First has been a positive

experience for both Daniel and Jim because they have

learned a lot from one another. Jim has taught Daniel how

to play pool, darts, and how to use fitness equipment. In

return, Daniel has taught Jim about sports, including how

to be a good soccer player.

The mentoring relationship has also been a positive

experience for Daniel because he has learned a lot about

life in general. This is why he said he would recommend

the program to anyone. “Friends First mentors are

someone to have fun with, talk to, and learn from.”

One of the other things Daniel has learned from Jim is

the importance of being respectful and caring with

others. Daniel has realized that having respect for others

is important because it allows you to get along well with

others. He also stated that the majority of conflicts

happen because someone says something disrespectful

and then the other person says something hurtful in

return.

Daniel believes that respect and trust go hand in hand.

“If you don’t trust a person it can be hard to show

respect. Or if someone doesn’t show you respect it is

hard to trust him or her.” Daniel also strongly believes

that respect isn’t given freely. “If you want others to

respect you, you have to respect others in return”.

Both Jim and Daniel attended the Friends First camping

trip this past summer. Daniel stated that this outing

stands out as a learning experience. He stated that getting

away from the city was nice but what he appreciated

most was getting to bond more with Jim and other

matches. Daniel said that he learned a lot from the team

building activities and had a lot of fun playing the Trust

Fall game with others.

It was during this outing that Daniel felt

a stronger connection to his mentor and

developed a deeper appreciation for

respect and trust. Since the camping

trip, both Jim and Daniel continue to

enhance their sense of trust and respect

and continue to strive to build more

assets. ~ Y a r e s i

Friends First is a program of Mercy Home for Boys & Girls

www.mercyhome.org

Winter 2012

Duty, Honor, Country, Respect...

Junior was matched with Ken in the Friends First program over ten

years ago. At the time, Junior’s family was having a difficult time

making ends meet and Ken was newly married and trying to build a

life and start a new family. They started the match doing what most

mentors do with their mentees in the Friends First Program. They

loved to play sports, visit the shore, take trips to the museums, and

just hang out and share stories.

As the match matured, Ken spent more time encouraging Junior to do

his best in school and encouraged him to avoid the troubles lurking in

the neighborhood. Like most teenagers, Junior had his own ideas and

sometimes would test Ken. Ken always displayed a consistency that

made Junior feel more at ease. In many subtle ways, he encouraged

Junior to always maintain a level of respect for others. He taught him

to be polite and shared his experiences of his life with his family and

work.

Junior had to move several times over the life of the match

relationship. Even though the distance was sometimes great, Ken went out of his way to visit Junior on a

regular basis. They began to build a level of respect for one another, and even though Junior went through

some difficult moments in school and at home, they never wavered in their ability to stay in contact.

Junior is now in Afghanistan, serving our country in the United States Army. Guess what? Ken continues to

keep in contact with Junior. He is not able to meet on the weekends and now has to concentrate on the two

small children he is raising with his wife. But the bonds that they built during the match have not diminished.

A West Point cadet is given the motto that there are three virtues a soldier must maintain. They must believe

in and live by the virtues of duty, honor, and country. Ken and Junior believe that there is one more virtue that

they both learned during their match: they both have a great deal of respect for one another. ~ Br. Paul McDonough

Thoughts on respect…

Remember to give thanks to those who bring joy to your life.

Enjoy the unique talents that each person expresses.

See the beauty within the people you meet each day.

Plant positive thoughts in the hearts of others.

Engage life to the fullest extent of your abilities.

Care about those less fortunate.

Take the time to tell someone you care.

~ Diane Venzera

Welcome New Matches!

We are pleased to welcome these new

matches and wish them all the best as they

start an exciting year together:

Elvira G. & Makayla H……...9/13

Paul T. & Joel V……….……..9/19

Gwen F. & Yuliza R………….9/29

Dan R. & Damani W………..10/29

Russ C. & Jordan W………..10/29

Jessica L. Marleni H………...10/29

John B. & Jayquan M….…...11/14

Alice C. & Sahara B………...11/19

Katie B. & Noro J…………...11/19

David C. & Edgar S….……...11/22

Sonja T. & Nayeli S………...11/22

Ideas for Remembering and Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Day

Educate yourself on the life and work of Dr. King by browsing resources on The King Center website: http:/ www.thekingcenter.org

Participate in a volunteer project with the MLK Day of Service on January 16th. Go to http://mlkday.gov/ to learn about service project opportunities. For specific Chicago Day of Service events, visit: http://www.chicagocares.org/CCI_special_events

Join the Community Renewal Society’s MLK Day Faith in Action Assembly on Jan. 16th at Kingdom Baptist Church, 301 North Center Ave. from 9:30-12 for a prayer service honoring Dr. King’s legacy. You will also have the opportunity to meet with decision makers about issues in education, affordable housing and jobs for ex-offenders. For more information, visit: www.communityrenewalsociety.org.

Listen to or read one of King’s speeches or letters with your mentor. Start with King’s “I Have a Dream” speech (http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm) or “Letter from a Birmingham Jail (http://www.thekingcenter.org/history/sermons-speeches/). Discuss your reactions to his words together.

Reflect with your mentor or family on how life was for black citizens when they were growing up. Ask adults you know who were alive at different times during the last century. Has anything changed since then? Is there anything that has not changed?

With your mentor, write your own “I Have a Dream” speech about each of your dreams for the world. Share your speeches with one another when you are finished.

Learn more about MLK Day events happening in Chicago: http://research.blackyouthproject.com/byp-presents/remembering-martin-luther-king-jr/

Create your own service project to honor Dr. King. Talk with you mentor and MSR for ideas. ~Amanda Sneed

Remembering as an Act of Respect:

Remembering the Dream of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had a deep understanding of respect. He wanted people to respect one another regardless of the color of their skin or how much money they have. King also hoped that we would learn to respect one another by practicing nonviolence, opposing war and granting safe working conditions for everyone.

Dr. King is remembered on the third Monday of each January, near his birthday, for his leadership in bringing attention to inequalities existing in the United States. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, signed into law in 1983, was the first national holiday created to honor a black man.

King set an example of peaceful struggle, faith and courage that helped fuel and inspire many people working for equality during the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s. The 14th

Amendment gave black people citizenship and the 15th Amendment gave them the right to vote. After a history of slav-ery which existed before the founding of our country, these changes did not automatically grant equality to black citizens. Fear fueled people’s prejudice and laws were passed to keep black and white people apart. “Separate but equal” schools, pools, bathrooms, water fountains and community centers kept our country segregated.

Even though black and white people were both citizens under the law, their paths at home, work and in their neighbor-hoods rarely crossed. Additionally, these “separate but equal” places turned out to not be equal at all. Because of this, the Supreme Court ruled in 1954 that blacks and whites could go to the same schools, saying that "separate but equal" schools were unequal. Many people at the time disagreed and did not want to change.

Some people, however, did want things to change. Their desire for change turned into actions, marches and protests against inequality. People, black and white, spoke up in small and large ways during the Civil Rights movement. Some were arrested for their beliefs; others refused to let other people tell them where they could send their children for school or who they could have as friends. Some, like King, were even killed for speaking up and taking action.

We can remember Dr. King by learning about his life and his dream for equality. We can also remember him each day in the actions we take to promote equality and justice in our own lives at home, school and in our neighborhoods. Dr. King was a strong voice among many in history who have spoken against inequality and oppression. We can add our own voices, dreams and courage to continuing his work. By doing so, we show respect for others and ourselves and honor the legacy of those, like Dr. King, who have made sacrifices for equality. By taking action, we become part of the solution and part of the Dream. ~Amanda Sneed

Ways to Build Respect By Dr. Michele Borba There are many ways people show respect to others, and the more aware that students are of what those actions look and

sound like, the more likely they are to incorporate those behaviors in their daily lives.

Look up the definition of respect. Write it down. Now describe ways you have acted

respectfully or disrespectfully this week.

Make a list of people you think are respectful and why you added them to your list.

Work alone or with a partner to create a song, a rap, or a chant about respect. Your words

should tell why respect is important and how it could make the world a better place.

List five ways we could show greater respect for our environment.

What would you do if an adult was disrespectful to you? Suppose the grown-up yelled at

you for something you didn’t do. What do you say? What do you do? Describe your answer in 50 words.

Design a bumper sticker about respect. Include on the bumper sticker: the word Respect, a motor or slogan for why

you should use it and at least three words that describe it.

Suppose you’re invited to your friend’s home for a family dinner. What are some ways you could show respect and

courtesy when your first arrive? At their table? When you leave? Write at least 50 words.

Cut a long strip of butcher paper 3 x 36” (or use adding machine tape). Roll each of the ends around a pencil and

tape the ends to the pencil. Use crayons, colored pencils or ink pens to draw a scene of what respect looks and

sounds like in action.

Make a campaign poster about respect. Make sure you include the word “Respect” and two reasons why someone

would want to vote for having respect at your school. You could use construction paper, felt pens, crayons,

magazine cut-outs and templates.

Look up the word “respect” in a dictionary. Find at least 10 different words that mean almost the same thing as

“respectful.” These words are called synonyms. Write each synonym on a paper strip. Link your paper strips

together to make a chain and staple the ends of each link.

Use glue to write on bright-colored paper a few statements that respectful people would say to put a smile on

someone else’s face. Now carefully sprinkle the letters with glitter. You’ve made Sparkle Statements!

Read about John Muir. How did he show respect to the environment?

Cut out a newspaper or magazine article about a person who showed respect. What did they do to demonstrate

respect?

Write a commercial about respect. Try to sell respect so others will want to start using it. For instance, say

something positive that might happen in the world if more people showed respect to one another.

Create a recipe for respect. What ingredients do you need? http://www.micheleborba.com/Pages/BMI05.htm

“When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments; tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become.” ~ Louis Pasteur

January

Susan K. & Anika R…….1/08

Leticia H. & Jada K……..1/09

Kim J. & Joshua D……...1/10

Matt H. & Armon P……..1/21

Kayla M. & Alicia Z….....1/27

John D. & Curtis H……...1/31

Happy Anniversary!

February

Rebecca R. & Shirley W...2/15

Pat P. & Ashley D……….2/22

Tom E. & Jacob B…….....2/23

March

Kyle S. & Christian G…..3/04

Anthony W. & TyJuan S..3/16

David S. & Rico C……….3/27

Friends First Updates Respect Respect does not fall into just one asset category in The Search Institute’s 40 Developmental Assets. Likely, you could argue that it falls into all of them. What makes respect unique from all of other things that we strive to instill in our youth, is that respect is both Internal and External as opposed to one or the other. Self respect and respect for others will lead youth to develop both their personal and social character.

Friends First Fun! On Saturday, August 27th, nearly 100 mentors, mentees and their families and volunteers attended the Friends First annual picnic. A wonderful mix of matches—both new and veteran—enjoyed activities including corn hole, a water balloon toss, face painting, bozo buckets and a fierce three-legged race. Grilled burgers and hot dogs were served for all to enjoy. School supplies, courtesy of Centro, were distributed to all of our mentees as well as their siblings. Friends First Coordinator, Yaresi Lopez, ran this year’s Chicago Marathon. Yaresi participated as part of Mercy Home’s Chicago Heroes Team and raised over $1,100 for Mercy. You can be a Hero too! Consider running the 2012 marathon as a member of Mercy Home’s team. For more information visit http://www.mercyhome.org/marathon. The Friends First Halloween party hosted nearly 20 matches this year. Mentors and youth who attended enjoyed pumpkin carving, a costume party, pizza and other treats. They then headed the Chicago Park District’s Trails of Terror at Theatre on the Lake for a spooky good time. Mercy Home’s annual Women’s Retreat took place on October 29-20. Friends First staff member Diane Venzera facilitated the programming around the topic of “Wholeness.” The theme allowed for women who play a role in the lives of our Friends First, residential and AfterCare youth to explore the topic through self-reflection, testimonials and group activities. Friends First Director, Katie Smith, recently joined Mercy’s Communications Director, and former Friends First mentor and Junior Board Member, Mick O’Grady, as guests on the Catholic Community of Faith show on 950 AM Relevant Radio. Katie and Mick talked about Friends First and Mick’s experience as a mentor and tried to recruit more mentors to take part in Friends First. The Friends first Holiday Party occurred on Saturday, December 10th. Nearly half of our matches attended—including our newest match and our longest standing match! The group enjoyed cupcake

We love your match stories so please keep

sharing them with us!

decorating, musical chairs, Wii and a “photo booth.”

Matches made holiday cards for themselves and to send

to the residents of Deborah’s Place women’s shelter.

Friends First News

Mercy Home for Boys and Girls will celebrate 125

years of helping Chicago area youth in 2012. Friends

First will celebrate its 25th anniversary! To celebrate

these exciting milestones, Friends First is launching a

challenge to all of our matches. Our current match

commitment is for mentors and mentees to meet 8

hours each month, totaling 96 hours per year. Our

challenge: To see how many matches can meet 125

hours this year, which is just over 10 hours each

month…details to follow.

Friends First Tidbits

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me.”

Aretha Franklin

Have a conversation with one another about how you

define respect and how you practice self-respect and

respect for others. Talk about a time you felt

disrespected and how you handled the situation. ~ Mary Quinn

January Dantrell W...………..……1/01

Najee N…………….…….1/07

Armon P………………….1/09

Willie C…………………..1/10

KelishaW…………..….....1/24

February Corey W………….………2/06

Kaylin N………………….2/14

Alicia Z……………….......2/22

Breanna K…….………….2/23

Natiaxi C…………………2/29

March Makayla B………...……..3/03

Jordan M…..…………….3/04

Aimiose I…………..……..3/08

Sarah B………….…...…...3/09

Yvonne S……….….…......3/21

Lesly E………..…………..3/22

Marleni H………….……..3/22

Happy Birthday!!

Things that Make You Go “Hmmm”

F R I E N D S F I R S T

A newsletter dedicated to building and supporting

the Friends First community of Mercy Home for

Boys & Girls. For more information, please call

(312) 738-7552 or visit www.mercyhome.org.

F R I E N D S F I R S T

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Chicago, IL 60607-2906

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Permit No. 1513

There is a volcano within all of us that can erupt when things do not go our way. What should we do with these feelings: bite

our tongue, roll our eyes, speak our mind even if you hurt people’s feelings, or get into a physical altercation? The answer is

difficult to figure out sometimes given that there is no special book to read, or a song that can give us magic powers to be stress

free all the time. We have a right to be upset. But we also have a conscience that allows us to decide where the conversation/

conflict will take us. In our mind, we have to weigh the good versus the bad, the interrupting versus the listening, and the

assumptions versus the clarification.

These decisions do not come by special invitation; they are choices that we have to make. Everyone has a sense of right and

wrong and we also have tools that prevent us from crossing lines that disrespect others. One way to build a healthy persona is to

try to understand other peoples’ points of view. Think how boring life would be if everyone liked the same thing or thought the

same way. Understanding is building your own puzzle of the world, not by how you think it is, but how you discover things to be.

Think of this example. Let’s say Sam begins to come across as rude since every time we have a conversation, he is constantly

distracted by his cell phone. How would I know if he is expecting an important phone call? As a caring friend, I have to test our

friendship by politely asking, “Am I interrupting an important discussion? Should we meet later, or should I give you a few

minutes to take care of your important matter?” On the other hand, Sam has to be aware of the importance of the conversation.

How is Sam going to know if I am discussing something really sensitive or important to me if his full attention is on his phone,

rather than on listening to our conversation? When anyone is about to disrespect another human being, remember to test the

water of friendship before jumping. This self-test can lead to a healthy, special relationship that is full of mutual RESPECT. ~ Alberto Paguada