funny story for kids

8/13/2019 Funny Story for Kids

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Writing In Chinese Is Easy Says Sea Lion

/oo keepers have reportedl! trained a sea lion to write in *hinese.

Staff at the 0ingbo /oo, in -ao +ian 1illage in Dong +ian ake 2esort area

,*hina, spent three months teaching the sea lion, called 3eter, reports 4he3eople's Dail!.

0ow 3eter can write the *hinese character representing a 5bull5 and he can also

sign his work with his own 5sea lion5 seal.

)fter completing his writing, 3eter, a si6!ear6old male, holds the seal andstamps it on the paper as a signature, #ill and -u! have established. 4he oo

has informed us that 3eter will demonstrate his writing skills for tourists duringthe Spring 7estival at the oo.

Fabulous an !ma"ing Story o# $onica $eerkat

8ackie Morgan, a nurse from M!n!dd Isa, near Mold, north #ales looked out at

her garden and spotted a meerkat

Strange !ou ma! well think since the meerkat is found eclusivel! on thesemiarid plains of southern )frica. 9owever, #ill and -u! can vouch for the

veracit! of this stor!

8ackie Morgan sa!s the )frican animal looked 'rather sorr! for itself, standing

upright and shivering in the morning frost.' So she, and husband :eith, 'phonedanimal rescue centres, a vet, the #elsh Mountain /oo and *hester /oo, but

naturall! no one believed them and most thought it a hoa and suggested it was

probabl! a ferret

Mrs Morgan set about catching the meerkat which she, b! then, had namedMonica. '#e put some nuts out for it so it came in and we captured it in a bo


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and took some photos of it to send to the doubting authorities; the! all phonedback sa!ing it was definitel! a meerkat.' She added, '#e've had it sitting on our

laps and it followed me around ever!where 6 I think it thinks I'm it's mum.'

*hester /oo came to Monica Meerkat's and 8ackie's rescue when it collected theanimal before returning her to her rightful owner

%Park &he Dog% ' !n !musing &ale

:err! pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to makesure her Irish setter had sufficient fresh air when she went shopping.

4he dog was stretched out on the back seat, and :err! wanted to impress upon

him that he must remain there. She walked to the curb backwards, pointing herfinger at the car and sa!ing emphaticall!, '0ow !ou sta!. Do !ou hear me( Sta!,'

in a ver! firm voice.

4he driver of a nearb! car gave :err! a startled look. 'I don't know about !ou,

lad!,' he said incredulousl!. 'But I usuall!


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Cream loses its magicittle Michael watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her

face.' #h! do !ou do that, Mumm!(' he asked

'4o make m!self beautiful', said his mother who then began removing the creamwith a tissue

'#hat's the matter(' asked little Michael, '-iving up('

Charity Begins at Church)fter the church service, seven !ear old Brian said to the preacher= '#hen I grow

up, I'm going to give !ou some mone!.'

'#ell, thank !ou', the preacher replied, 'but wh!('

'Because m! dadd! sa!s that !ou're one of the poorest preachers #e've everhad.'

The Chase

0icola, eight !ears old, told her parents that David 3arsons had kissed her after

lessons. '9ow did that happen(' asked her mother.' It wasn't eas!, 'admitted the

!oung lad!, 'but three girls helped me catch him.'

Repeat after MeMrs 8ohnson invited some people over for supper. )t the table, she turned to

their seven !ear old daughter Martha and said, '#ould !ou like to sa! theblessing('

'I wouldn't know what to sa!, 'Martha replied.' 8ust sa! what !ou hear Mumm!

sa!, 'Mrs 8ohnson answered.

Martha bowed her head and said, 'ord, wh! on earth did I invite all these peopleto dinner('

Fig Leaves

Bobb!, nine, opened the big and old famil! Bible with fascination, and looked atthe old pages as he turned them. Suddenl!, something fell out of the Bible, andhe picked it up and looked at it closel!. It was an old leaf from a tree that had

been pressed in between the pages.'9e!, Mum, look what I've found>' Bobb! called out.' #hat have !ou got there,

dear(' his mother asked. )stonishment written all over his face, he answered= 'Ithink it's )dam's suit>'

Road Hog

?ne da! I was driving with m! five !ear old daughter )lice and I honked m! carhorn b! mistake.

)lice turned and looked at me for an eplanation.


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I said, 'I did that b! accident'.)lice replied, 'I know that, Dadd!'.

I replied, '9ow did !ou know('

She said, 'Because !ou didn't sa! 'IDI?4' afterwards'

Home Alone?ur new neighbour asked the 9annah, aged @ and who lived net door if she had

an! brothers and sisters. She replied, '0o, I'm the lonel! child.'

Warning #or Chilren

One Way to E(plain the Wor )$arriage) to a Chil

*laire was a t!pical three !ear old= prett!, friendl!, cute, inAuisitive, and bright

as a sipence. 9owever, one da!, *laire showed some difficult! in grasping theconcept of marriage. 2obert, her father, thought the best wa! to teach her was

to show her his wedding photo album believing that visual images would help*laire's understanding.

?ne page after another, he pointed out photographs of the bride arriving at the

church, the entrance, the actual wedding ceremon!, the signing of the licenceand the reception afterwards.

'0ow do !ou understand, darling(' 2obert enAuired smiling.

'I think so,' responded *laire dutifull!, 'and is that when mumm! came to workfor us(' ?ut of the mouths ....

Out o# the $outh o# *abes

4eacher= Maria, go to the map and find 0orth )merica.M)2I)= 9ere it is.

4eacher= *orrect. 0ow class, who discovered )merica(

*)SS= Maria.

4eacher= #h! are !ou late, 7rank(72)0:= Because of the sign..

4eacher= #hat sign(72)0:= 4he one that sa!s, 'School )head, -o Slow.'


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4eacher= 8ohn, wh! are !ou doing !our math multiplication on the floor(8?90= "ou told me to do it without using tables.

4eacher= -lenn, how do !ou spell ' crocodile(' -E00= :626?6:6?6D6I6)6'

4eacher= 0o, that's wrong-E00= Ma!be it is wrong, but !ou asked me how I spell it.

4eacher= Donald, what is the chemical formula for water(

D?0)D= 9 I 8 : M 0 ?.4eacher= #hat are !ou talking about(

D?0)D= "esterda! !ou said it's 9 to ?.

4eacher= #innie, name one important thing we have toda! that we didn't haveten !ears ago.

#I00IE= Me>

4eacher= -len, wh! do !ou alwa!s get so dirt!(-E0= #ell, I'm a lot closer to the ground than !ou are.

4eacher= Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I.' MIIE= I is...

4eacher= 0o, Millie..... )lwa!s sa!, 'I am.' MIIE= )ll right...'I am the ninth letterof the alphabet.'

4eacher= 0ow, Simon, tell me frankl!, do !ou sa! pra!ers before eating(

SIM?0= 0o sir, I don't have to. M! Mom is a good cook.

$ore +tterances,,,Out o# the $outh o# *abes

4eacher= *l!de, !our composition on 'M! Dog' is eactl! the same as !our

brother's. Did !ou cop! his(*"DE= 0o, teacher, it's the same dog.

4eacher= -eorge #ashington not onl! chopped down his father's cherr! tree, but

also admitted it. 0ow, ouie, do !ou know wh! his father didn't punish him(?IS= Because -eorge still had the ae in his hand.

4eacher= 9arold, what do !ou call a person who keeps on talking when people

are no longer interested(9)2?D= ) teacher.

Chil)s Letters to -o

Dear -od,

I went to this wedding and the! kissed right in church. Is that ?:.
http://www.guy-sports.com/virtual/children.htm


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! ?ate!.

#hat swings from a trapee and miaows()n acrocat.

9ow can !ou tell if a chicken likes !ou(

It gives !ou a peck on the cheek.

Ever! dog has its da!, onl! a dog with a broken tail has a weak6end.

8oe= ast night the lion6tamer at the circus was attacked b! his lions.Brian= #as he clawed(

8oe= I don't know what is name was.

) man walked into a pet shop and said, 'I'd like a pupp! for m! son.''Sorr! sir,' said the store owner, 'we don't do part echange.'

4wo dogs were walking along the road. ?ne dog stopped and said= 5M! name is 7ido. #hat's !ours(4he other dog thought for a minute, and then replied= 5I think it's Down Bo!.5

) women was considering bu!ing an aging 4horoughbred but wanted a veterinarian's opinion of the

horse before finaliing her deal. She asked when the vet had completed his eamination 6 5#ill I beable to race him(5

4he veterinarian looked at the woman, then at the horse. 5Sure5 he replied, 5and !ou'll probabl!

win>5

) man was walking through a cemeter! one dark and storm! night. )s he got well into thecemeter!, he heard a voice sa!, 5Mark> Mark>5. 3retending not to let it bother him, he pulled his

coat a little tighter and kept walking. )gain the voice said, 5Mark> Mark>5. 4hat did it. 9e took off fullspeed and didn't stop till he was well outside the gates. )s he stopped to catch his breath, the moonbroke through the clouds enough so he could see what had been following him. It was a dog with ahare lip.

) vampire bat comes back to his fellow vampires with a blood on his mouth. 4he! stare at him


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Bartender= #hat's a Matabooboo(Bear= 0uttin' "ogi.

"esterda! I was driving around in the countr!, got thirst! and entered a pub. I was there for fiveminutes, when a big brown horse entered the pub, sits down at a table, crossed its legs and orders

a coffee. I was surprised, and asked the pub keeper if this was not a little strange, that a horseorders a coffee.5"es5, the man said, 51er! strange, indeed. 0ormall! it drinks a pint of beer.5

) cit! slicker drives through a little town, and stops at a gas station to fill up. -oing into the stationto pa! he sees a man pla!ing checkers with a dog. 5tterl! fantastic5, he gasps, 5a dog who pla!scheckers. "ou could take him to the cit! and make piles of mone! with him.5 )fter his net move

the man looks up and sa!s , 5)wh, he ain't so smart. I can beat him two times out of three.5


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)n infant rabbit was orphaned. 7ortunatel! though, a famil! of sAuirrels took it in and raised itas if it were one of their own. 4his adoption led to some peculiar behaviors on the part of the

rabbit, including a tendenc! for it to eschew


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beautiful music. 8ust then, a crocodile crept out of a nearb! river and into the clearing, and 6 snap>6gobbled up the violinist.

4he other animals were etremel! angr!. 5#hat on earth did !ou do that for(5 the! demanded.5Eh(5 said the crocodile, cupping its hand to its ear.

) giant panda went into a cafe and ordered a cheeseburger. It sat there Auietl! eating thecheeseburger, then it got up, took out a gun, shot the waiter, and walked outside.5Did !ou see that(5 eclaimed a customer. 5#h! did he do that(5 he asked the manager. 4hemanager looked up from the book he was leafing through. 5I'm looking it up in the dictionar!,5 he

replied. 5It sa!s here= 53anda, eats shoots and leaves.5

4he duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off this amaing

accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his net hunting trip. Sa!ing nothing, he fired hisfirst shot and, as the duck fell, the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the duck andreturned it to his master.50otice an!thing(5 the owner asked eagerl!.

5"es,5 said his friend, 5I see that fool dog of !ours can't swim.5

4here once was foes. % of them were clever, the other one was stupid. ?ne da! the! were

stranded in a desert when the! saw a little shop. 4he! went inside and the % clever foes boughtfood and water and the stupid one bought a car door. #hen the! asked him wh! he bought it, hesaid, 'so that I can wind down the window when it gets hot.'

If !our cow sounds like this, bake it and eat it 5moo,moo5. If !our cow sounds like this I would take

the fish 5Moo ahhh,moo moo ahhh5.


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+= #hat do !ou call a cow that is la!ing on a barn floor()= -round Beef

Submitted b! = 4ar!n Marie ?'Brien

+=#hat do !ou call a mad cow()=mad cow

Submitted b! = :at! )mber Salomone age =

) frog telephoned the 3s!chic 9ot line and was told, 5"ou are going to meet a beautiful, !oungwoman who will want to know ever!thing about !ou.5

4he frog said, 54hat's great> #ill I meet her at a part!(550o,5 said the ps!chic. 50et term66in her biolog! class.5

I think animal testing is a terrible idea the! get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

ate one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empt!. 9e tiptoed through the

living room but suddenl! he froe in his tracks when he heard a loud voice sa!, 58esus is watching!ou>5Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward.58esus is watching !ou,5 the voice boomed again.

4he frightened burglar stopped dead. 7ranticall!, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotteda bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.9e asked the parrot, 5#as that !ou who said 8esus is watching me(55"es5, replied the parrot.

4he burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, 5#hat's !our name(55*larence,5 said the bird.54hat's a dumb name for a parrot,5 sneered the burglar. 5#hat idiot named !ou *larence(5

4he parrot said, 54he same idiot who named the doberman 8esus.5

Bab! snake= Momm!, are we poisonous(Mother snake= "es hone!, but wh! do !ou want to know(

Bab! snake= #ell, I


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) man's car suddenl! stopped dead when he was driving down the middle of a countr! lane. 9estepped out of the car and looked inside the bonnet to see if he could fi it. )fter a while a horse

ambled up beside him, had a look at the car and said='"our trouble is probabl! in the carburettor.'

4he man was so amaed that he ran down the road until he met the farmer walking towards him.9e stopped the farmer and told him eactl! what had happened.'Did the horse have a white patch in the middle of his forehead(' asked the farmer.

'"es, !es>' cried the motorist.'Don't pa! an! attention, then,' said the farmer, 'that was onl! old Dobbin and he doesn't know athing about cars. '

) circus trainer was riding his horse around the circus ring when a little dog


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4he thunder god went for a ride on his favourite horse,'I'm 4hor' he cried.

4he horse replied='"ou forgot the thaddle, thill!.'

'#ould !ou rather a lion ate !ou or a gorilla('

'I would rather the lion ate the gorilla.'

) duck walks into a bar and sa!s to the bartender, have !ou got an! bread( 4he bartender replies

no, we onl! sell beer here, so the ducks walks out. 9e walks in the net da! and sa!s to thebartender, have !ou got an! bread( 4he bartender sa!s, I told !ou !esterda!, we onl! sell beer, sothe ducks walks out. 9e walks back in the net da! and sa!s to the bartender, got an! bread( thebartender sa!s, if u come in here tomorrow asking for bread I'll nail !our beak to the bar, so the

duck walks out. 9e walks in the net da! and sa!s to the bartender, got an! nails( 0o he sa!s, gotan! bread(

Submitted b! = #elsh Matthew

#hat do !ou call a cow that

#hat do call a steer without legs(-round Beef>

) man was out for a walk one da! and on his travels he wandered through a farm. Strangel!, hesaw a pig with a wooden leg> 4his intrigued him so much he found the farmer and Auied him

about it.54his be no ordinar! pig5 said the farmer. 57or eample, onl! two da!s ago there was a fire in the

chicken shed when I was awa! from the farm. 4he pig noticed this and immediatel! went and let allthe chickens out into the !ard. 9e then phoned for the fire brigade and came straight back to hold

the fire until the! arrived>55)nd a few weeks ago, I was driving m! tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and thevehicle overturned 6 knocking me unconscious> 4he pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance andthen rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab


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3atient= Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing frogs in front of m! e!es.Doctor= Don't worr!, it's onl! a hoptical illusion.

Doctor, doctor. Ever! time I stand up Auickl!, I see Micke! Mouse, Donald Duck and -oof!.?k, how long have !ou been having these Disne! spells(

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a $ Dollar note#ell go and bu! something then, the change will do !ou good.

Doctor, doctor, I think I've gone a funn! color.0onsense, it's


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Children

#h! was the elephant wearing pink tennis shoes(4he! didn't have white ones in his sie.

Does an elephant ever forget(?nl! if !ou lend him mone!.

9ow can !ou tell if there is an elephant in !our sandwich(

It's too heav! to lift.

#h! were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool(

4he! couldn't keep their trunks up.

#h! did the elephants leave the circus(4he! were tired of working for peanuts.

#h! do elephants have trunks(Because the! don't have glove compartments.

9ow can !ou tell if an elephant has been sleeping in !our bed(

4he bed smells of peanuts and the sheets are wrinkled.

Did !ou hear about the elephant with diarrhea(It's all over town.

9ow do !ou make a dead elephant float(

#ell, !ou take $ dead elephants, $ tonnes of chocolate ice6cream, F tonnes of bananas,.....

+= #h! don't elephants like penguins()= 4he! can't get the wrapper off.G4oo whom it ma! concern= 3enguins are a brand of cookiesH.

+= 9ow do !ou know if there is an elephant under !our bed()= "our nose is touching the ceiling.

+= 9ow does an elephant get down from a tree(

)= It doesn't, "ou get down from a duck.

+= #h! are elephants wrinkled(

)= 9ave !ou ever tried to iron one(


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+= #h! are elephants large, gre! and wrinkled()= Because if the! were small, white and smooth the!'d be asprins.

9ow can !ou tell if an elephant been in the refrigerator(B! the footprints in the butter.

9ow do !ou make an elephant stew(:eep him waiting a couple of hours.

) fool6proof method for sculpting an elephant= first, get a huge block of marble then !ou chip awa!ever!thing that doesn't look like an elephant.

#hat should !ou give a seasick elephant() lot of room...

#hat did the traffic light sa! to the car(

Don't look, I'm changing.

9ow do !ou catch a sAuirrel(

*limb up a tree and act like a nut.

4eacher= -ive me a sentence with the word 'anal!e' in it.

3upil= M! sister )nna lies in bed until nine o'clock.

#hich soldiers smell of salt and pepper(Seasoned troopers.

#hat do !ou call a nervous witch(a twitch.

#hat do !ou call a girl with the 4itanic on her head(

Mand! lifeboats.

#ho was the first underwater sp!(

8ames 3ond.

#hat has webbed feet and fangs(

*ount +uackula.


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#hat dog smells of onions() hot dog.

funny story for kids

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