78 f ym w

f ym w 79

FUCK YEAH MENSWEAR’S

ELEVEN* ESSENTIALS

*Exactly one essential better than your average “Ten Essentials List.”

f ym w 81

f lipping through my father’s old yearbooks, drinking in his

youth as he had drunk in mine, the wind was knocked out

of me. Here was a young chap, with much more hair than he

has now, with his entire life ahead of him. Before he broke his leg in

the championship game. Before he knocked up my mother. Before

he got sued for sexual harassment while working in the coal mines.

Before the bitter divorce. Before he started to

drink the pain away. This was a boy

whose face was fresh with youth. A

boy on the cusp of manhood. Here was

someone whom I had never known.

Someone I wished to meet. w ith his

collar buttoned down, his sleeves

rolled up, and the edges frayed, he was

me. And I was him. I called out. No

response. I called again. And again, no

response. I exhaled just before tucking

away the broken dreams of a broken

man as I do an unruly shirttail.

No . 1

Oxford Cloth Button-Down

f UCK y EAH m ENSw EAR’S ELEVEN ESSENTIALS

f ym w 91

SATs. Perfect score. Secret Society. Initiated. Graduation.

Summa cum laude. Job interview. Stock options. f irst

date. f ucked her. f ucked her twice. meet the parents.

Glowing reviews. Sit down and have a serious discussion about

having children. Triplets. Open house. Escrow.

mounting pressures. Handled like a

mature adult. Rumors of layoffs.

Bonus. Coaching Little League.

Championship. Kids growing

up before your eyes. Cry,

but manly. Back nine. 5

handicap. Retire. Palm

Beach. Grandchildren.

Rhodes Scholars. Die

a painless natural

death. Buried in my

navy sportcoat.

No . 6

Navy Sportcoat

f UCK y EAH m ENSw EAR’S ELEVEN ESSENTIALS

f ym w 93

w hile I started smoking at thirteen, my Ray-Bans have

been my signature of cool since I was old enough to

walk. They hid my tears when Charlene broke up with

me in the 5th grade. They hid my tears just as well when Charlene

broke up with me again in the 6th grade. And they hid my tears once

again, years later, when Charlene delivered the heartbreaking news

that my dear grandfather was mauled to death by a cougar while out

traversing the Sierra madres. Not just for blocking emotion, but for

blocking the cruel rays from above, my w ayfarers have accompanied

me everywhere the light shines on my adventures. Just remember, a

gentleman only wears his sunglasses inside if he’s crying.

No . 7

Ray-Bans

f UCK y EAH m ENSw EAR’S ELEVEN ESSENTIALS