getting in contact with your child’s other parent · pdf filegetting in contact with...

Getting in contact with your childrsquos other parent

a supporting separated families guide

Understand common fears and concerns

Tips to help you find someone and get in touch

When and how the Child Maintenance Service can help

Sorting out separation Get help with issues around your break-up withan easy-to-use web app tailored to your needs including bull children and parenting bull relationships and conflict bull health bull housing

bull work and benefits bull money bull legal

Find us on many websites

including cmoptionsorg

Over 50organisations

who can help

We bapp

Expert help atthe click of abutton

Brought to you by Help and Support for Separated Families

In this guide Child Maintenance Options 4 gt About this guide 6 gt How to use this guide 7

Thinking about getting in contact 10

How to find someone 11 gt Searching for them yourself 11 gt Asking someone to help you 12 gt Using the Statutory child maintenance services 14

Approaching the other parent 15 gt Choosing the best approach 16 gt Getting your letter or email right 17 gt Preparing yourself for their reaction 17 gt Dealing with negative reactions 21 gt Asking other people to help you 23

Parenting apart 24 gt Getting started 25 gt Parenting together 26 gt How your child might react 27

Useful contacts 29

4 Getting in contact with your childrsquos other parent | a supporting separated families guide

Child Maintenance Options is a free and impartial service that provides information tools and support to help you make informed choices about child maintenance arrangements We can

bull help parents set up a child maintenance arrangement between themselves (a lsquofamily-basedrsquo arrangement) and give them the support to keep it going

bull give you information about and help with other types of child maintenance arrangement

bull offer practical information on a range of subjects linked to separation such as housing work and money and put you in touch with organisations who can give you more specialist help and advice

Get in touch with Child Maintenance Options on 0800 988 0988 or online at cmoptionsorg See inside back cover for information about call charges


Supporting separating and separated families

Most children in most circumstances benefit from having both parents involved in their lives in a positive way whether they live with them or not Child maintenance is one way of making this happen but itrsquos only part of the story We have written this guide to help parents build relationships and work together to make sure their children receive as much support as possible ndash financial and otherwise

The information in this leaflet is only a guide and does not cover every circumstance We recommend that you also get independent professional advice which applies to your circumstances You can find a list of specialist organisations that may be able to help at the back of this guide Although we have taken every care in writing this publication we cannot guarantee that information is accurate up-to-date or complete because it can change over time

Child Maintenance Options does not endorse the content of any external websites


About this guide This guide is for parents who live apart and have lost touch with one another You may be looking to rebuild the relationship between the other parent and their child or to arrange for financial support for your children ndash or both these things

Whatever your parenting role this guide can help you to bull find the other parent if you donrsquot know where they are

bull think about the best way to make contact with them

bull consider how you might be able to work together to raise your child

bull understand when and how the Child Maintenance Service can help

in contact with your childrsquos other This guide is for parents who parent then you may find some havenrsquot had contact with their of our other guides helpful childrsquos other parent for a long

time and want to get back in touch to arrange child Try our guide Information maintenance for parents with the dayshy

to-day care of their child Re-establishing contact with your or Information for parents childrsquos other parent isnrsquot always living apart from their child a good idea It can lead to things depending on which applies tohappening that you didnrsquot intend you for general information and you should be sure you want to get back in touch with the If you feel you donrsquot want to other parent before starting out have contact with your childrsquos

other parent because of conflict If the two of you have only in your relationship then our recently stopped being in guide Managing conflict with contact or if you think your your childrsquos other parent may safety will be at risk if you stay be more helpful


How to use this guide You may decide to read all this guide in one go Or if you want you can read one section at a time and have a break in between Itrsquos completely up to you If yoursquod rather read one section at a time then take a look below to help you decide the best place to start

bull Want to find the other parent but donrsquot know how to start Turn to page 11 for some ideas

bull Not sure about the best way to approach them The suggestions on page 15 could help

bull Worried about what happens after you get in touch Have a look on page 17 for ideas on how you could start to rebuild relationships

bull Looking for information about how the Child Maintenance Service can help you Go straight to page 14

Itrsquos possible that getting in touch with your childrsquos other parent could lead to conflict But in most cases itrsquos possible to work through this

In some cases it may not be a good idea to get back in touch There can be good reasons why parents arenrsquot in contact such as when therersquos a risk of violence or abuse If these issues affect you you may want to talk to someone who can give you specialist advice Child Maintenance Options can help you get in touch with organisations that can do this

ange of practical guides to help ange of practical guides to help

on issues

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Getting in contact with your childrsquos other parent | a supporting separated families guide

Child Maintenance Options offers a r Child Maintenance Options offers a r parents deal with common separati parents deal with common separation issues How to order our other leaflets

You can order our free leaflets by calling 0800 988 0988 They can also be downloaded from our website cmoptionsorg

a child maintenance decisions guide

Information for parents with the day-to-day care of their child

Unders and your child main enance choices

Tools to help you set up a child main enance ar angement


Information for parents living apart from their child


Tools to help you set up a child main enance ar angemen


Helping someone you know

Help pa ents make decis ons abou ch ld main enance a angements

Unders and the ole you can play

Know about the help available or pa ents


Family-based arrangement form


Child maintenance and staying safe

Take con ol of your finances

Think about the types of financial suppo your child might need

Tips or alking about money with your childrsquos other pa en


Talking about money

8


Child Maintenance Options offparents deal with common separ

Child Maintenance Options offparents deal with common separati

ers a range of practical guides to help ers a range of practical guides to help on issues

ation issues

Practical support for separating parents


Help with making arrangements with your childrenrsquos other parent

Information about your housing and employment rights

Where to fi nd more help and support

Managing confl ict with your childrsquos other parent


Learning how to deal with confl ict

Practical tools to help you avoid arguments or have fewer arguments

Parenting together after separation


Building a working parenting relationship with your ex

Practical tools to help you parent together successfully

How to complain about Child Maintenance Options

Dealing with your emotions after separation


Understand where you are on your emotional journey

Tools and tips to help you move on

Help children deal with their feelings

When and how to get professional help

How Child Maintenance Options uses your personal information

9


Thinking about getting in contact Getting in touch with someone you may not have seen for a long time can seem a very big step In these situations it can be very tempting to think that itrsquos better to leave past relationships firmly in the past

But when children are involved itrsquos not always that simple Although your old relationship may be over you will always be lsquomumrsquo and lsquodadrsquo to them

Research shows that in most circumstances the best thing for children is to have both parents involved in their life in a positive way Of course putting this into practice can be difficult

Whatever the situation if it is possible for children to have positive contact with both parents this can make a big difference to their emotional and financial wellbeing

Itrsquos important to remember that getting back in touch can take time rather than being something that happens overnight If parents want different things this can cause conflict which in turn can have a negative effect on children

So itrsquos important to consider all the issues and take things slowly rather than rushing or forcing contact

Next steps

bull Turn the page for ideas on how you can get back in touch with your childrsquos other parent

bull Know where they are but not sure whether you want to take the next step The information on page 15 might help

If yoursquore angry with your childrsquos other parent and itrsquos stopping you from getting in contact with them you might find it helpful to read our guide Dealing with your emotions after separation


How to find someone If you donrsquot know the address or phone number of your childrsquos other parent there are lots of ways you can find out where they live now

But remember that they might have mixed feelings about hearing from you so do consider some of the points on pages 16 to18 as well as the suggestions below

Searching for them yourself

Most people find it easiest to start looking themselves Different ways to do this include

bull asking friends and family if they have any information that could help you

bull searching online lsquosocial networksrsquo such as Facebook Twitter LinkedIn or Friends Reunited

bull sending a letter to the last address you have for them ndash it may get sent on to them

bull looking in online phonebooks such as Yellcom and 192com ndash they can let you check the electoral register which may be useful

bull searching for the word lsquotracersquo on an internet search engine Yoursquoll find lots more ideas as well as information about getting professionals to look for you

If you donrsquot have access to the internet you could go to the library or an internet cafeacute or use a friend or relativersquos computer Local childrenrsquos centres often have computers parents can use for free


Asking someone to help you

There are a few organisations that can sometimes help you find a person

The courts

Usually you can only use the courts to trace someone if they owe you money It can also take a long time and be expensive For more information about using the courts speak to Citizens Advice You can find their contact details at the back of this guide

The Salvation Army

This charity has a Family Tracing Service which has an 85 success rate in tracing lost family members However it will only be able to help you if you are or were married to the other parent Yoursquoll also have to pay a small registration fee You can find contact details for the Salvation Army at the back of this guide

Tracing agencies

This group includes

bull private investigators

bull process servers (who serve legal documents on people)

bull enforcement agents (who collect debts and seize property)


If yoursquore thinking about using a tracing agency remember bull Tracing agencies charge a fee so check carefully before you agree

to anything The cost usually depends on how difficult the search is and how much information you can give them about the person you are looking for

bull Tracing agencies sometimes offer a lsquono trace no feersquo service especially if you are able to provide some basic details about the person yoursquore looking for ndash for example their name date of birth and last known address

bull Traces can usually take up to a month though simple ones can often be done more quickly sometimes on the same day

Because of the kind of day-to-day work tracing agencies do such as serving legal documents and chasing people for money the other parent may feel threatened if you choose to use a service like this Itrsquos important to remember this and you may want to try your other options first before you go to a tracing agency

You can find a tracing agency by searching online or looking in a phone book but take care to only use professionally accredited agencies You may want to start by going to the website of one of the professional bodies that regulates the industry such as the Institute of Professional Investigators (wwwipiorguk) or the Association of British Investigators (wwwtheabiorguk)


Using the statutory Child Maintenance Service

The Child Maintenance Service which runs the governmentrsquos statutory 2012 child maintenance scheme can find parents to set up a child maintenance arrangement This service has improved over the last few years including having better links with other government departments So even if they havenrsquot been able to help you in the past it may be worth talking to them again now

Remember that some people have mixed feelings about the statutory child maintenance services If you want to build a relationship with the other parent you might want to consider using a different way of finding them

Usually the Child Maintenance Service can only open a case when both parents and the child or children live in the UK unless the other parent works for a UK-based company or for the UK civil service overseas

If you want the Child Maintenance Service to try to trace someone you need to open a case with them first For more information about how to do this call Child Maintenance Options on 0800 988 0988

Next steps

bull Feeling uncertain about approaching the other parent You can think through some of the issues using the suggestions on the next page


If yoursquore a parent living apart from your child and you want to know more about arranging child maintenance take a look at our guide Information for parents living apart from their children

If yoursquore the parent with the main care of your child and you want to know more about arranging child maintenance take a look at our guide Information for parents with the main day-to-day care of their children

Approaching the other parent Itrsquos a big jump from having no contact with someone to starting a discussion about family arrangements ndash whether thatrsquos to do with money contact or working together for the childrenrsquos best interests Itrsquos probably better not to rush into these discussions but try to gradually improve your relationship first The most important thing is to get in touch again and then approach conversations calmly and reasonably to prevent tension or conflict developing Think about the type of contact that will work best for your situation ndash whether this is a letter or email phone call or visit

Remember to take things slowly The person yoursquore contacting may be surprised or even shocked to hear from you and might not be sure if they want to talk Yoursquove probably spent a lot of time thinking about getting in touch so give them some time to get used to the idea too

If they donrsquot want to talk after having time to think about it you may have to respect their decision


Choosing the best approach

bull A letter will give them time to think and give you time to work out what you want to say Some people can find them a bit too formal though

bull A phone call can feel more personal but it might put the other person on the spot especially if you happen to call at an awkward time

bull Emails can be a good compromise because they can seem a bit less lsquoofficialrsquo but you can still take your time to think things through Email addresses can sometimes be unreliable though ndash they often change or may not be checked regularly

Everyonersquos different so itrsquos up to you how you get in touch

If yoursquove not spoken to the other parent for a while you might find the thought of getting in touch a bit overwhelming Here are some suggestions that could help

bull Start small ndash rather than trying to cover all your issues in one go keep things simple in the beginning and concentrate on just having a calm conversation

bull Focus on whatrsquos important now ndash your child rather than your past relationship

bull Try not to get drawn into old arguments and keep your tone positive ndash or at least neutral

bull Understand that time has gone by and you may both be different people now This could offer the chance for a fresh start


Getting your letter or email right

Emails and letters give you a chance to put your thoughts in order first but once theyrsquore sent they canrsquot be undone Itrsquos also easy for emotions to affect the way you say something ndash and if yoursquore caught up in what yoursquore doing you might not spot this straight away

Itrsquos worth keeping this in mind when yoursquore writing and to spend some time reading through what yoursquove put

You may want to leave your message for a couple of days and look at it again before sending it It may even take a few goes before you get it right but this is likely to be time well spent Some people find it useful to let someone else read a message before they send it

Preparing yourself for their reaction

How the other parent reacts when you get in touch with them will depend on your circumstances now and theirs

Things that can affect their reaction include bull their feelings about your

old relationship and yours

bull the reasons why you lost touch in the first place

bull your reasons for getting back in touch

bull whether either of you has a new family


Your feelings can affect the conversation too The way people say things can often be the reason a conversation goes well or badly rather than the point theyrsquore putting across The suggestions below may help you find the right way to say something

bull Misunderstandings often turn into arguments because something isnrsquot clear Try to explain exactly what you mean when you say something and let the other person do the same

bull Sweeping statements can make a situation worse so try not to use phrases that sound like an accusation like lsquoyou neverhelliprsquo or lsquoyou alwayshelliprsquo

bull Agreeing on little things can clear the way for sorting out bigger issues so see if you can find some common ground

If yoursquore the parent with the main day-to-day care of your child The other parent may worry that yoursquore just chasing them for child maintenance ndash especially if yoursquove argued over money in the past

In this situation do your best to reassure them that your main concern is whatrsquos best for your child If they donrsquot want to give you any money donrsquot let this stop you arranging for them to see their child

If your main goal is financial support it may be useful to know that therersquos nothing in child maintenance or family law that says the other parent can see their child just because theyrsquore paying maintenance But getting the other parent involved in your childrenrsquos life could make them feel more positive about being asked to give some financial support in the future

If money is still a problem contact Child Maintenance Options on 0800 988 0988 You can get more information about your options for a child maintenance arrangement and details of other organisations that might be able to help



If yoursquore the parent who lives apart from your child The other parent may not want to lsquorock the boatrsquo if your child is settled In some cases they might see it as a matter of pride that they can cope on their own

In this situation you may want to talk with them about the benefits of having both parents involved in your childrsquos life For example research shows that when both parents are involved in their lives children are more likely to

bull do better at school

bull stay out of trouble

bull have higher levels of self-esteem

bull have a more balanced view of the world

bull go on to have healthier relationships as an adult

You may want to explain that even though your relationship with each other didnrsquot work out you could still have a lot to offer as a parent


Dealing with negative reactions

Remember to take it slowly Itrsquos possible that the other parent will react in negative ways ndash for example they might appear angry especially if you contact them out of the blue You might cause them to feel a lot of raw emotions and this is why itrsquos important to make it clear why yoursquore contacting them

Try to focus on the fact that yoursquore doing this for your child and ask that they try not to let their anger affect their judgement If theyrsquore still really angry donrsquot push it Give them a bit of space and time and then try again

Are you worried theyrsquoll say one thing and do another

They might be feeling many things ndash scared uncertain or guilty for example Try to discuss things calmly and give them a chance to deal with their issues But remind them that itrsquos important for your child that you are both open consistent and reliable

Are you worried yoursquove tried this before and it didnrsquot work

Things change and sometimes emotions get easier to deal with after a lot of time has passed If you approach the other parent again and follow some of the suggestions in this guide you might get a different reaction this time

Are you worried theyrsquore just not interested in their child

If the other parent doesnrsquot want contact with their child you can still share information about how they are doing and send photos However giving too much information to someone who doesnrsquot want it could push them further away So approach this with care It may be better to simply let them know that they can always get in touch if they feel ready to have contact with their child in future


Are you worried they donrsquot want you involved with your child

Sometimes there can be a good reason for this but most of the time contact with both parents is better for children in the long run Try to understand what the other parent might be concerned about and ask if there is anything you can do to help reassure them Can you offer solutions or suggest ways of taking things slowly

What you can do to help

If you need to talk to someone about your feelings legal rights or anything else to do with making contact Child Maintenance Options can put you in touch with organisations that can help

We know these things can be easier said than done But parents in similar situations have found the following lsquodorsquos and donrsquotsrsquo helpful

Do Donrsquot bull remember to focus on whatrsquos

best for your child

bull ask the other parent to do the same

bull try and be positive ndash most people want to do the right thing by any children they have

bull be prepared to compromise

bull be proud of yourself ndash yoursquore doing your best to sort things out

bull be sensitive to the needs of other children the other parent might have

bull bring up issues that are nothing to do with what yoursquore talking about (that is contact between parent and child)

bull always expect an argument ndash thatrsquos often a good way of starting one

bull criticise or make nasty comments

bull let yourself be drawn into an argument

bull give up hope ndash these things take time

Asking other people to help you

If yoursquore still not confident that you can talk to your childrsquos other parent on your own donrsquot be afraid to ask for help

One place to start might be your friends and family Is there anyone that might be willing to get in touch for you or act as a mediator during your conversations with each other

Think carefully about involving family and friends though ndash this may not be as easy as it sounds Involving someone like this could complicate things and even cause conflict if the other parent thinks they are being one-sided For this to work properly yoursquoll both need to agree on a person you can trust and rely on to help

And theyrsquoll need to agree to stay calm and neutral Theyrsquoll need to remember that the goal is to work something out that both parents can agree to and which ndash most importantly ndash has your childrsquos best interests at heart

Next steps

bull If yoursquore worried about what happens in the longer term the next page might give you some ideas about how to start parenting together


If you canrsquot sort things out with the other parent you might want to think about getting some help from a professional mediator Mediation can be a neutral way for people to sort out practical issues safely without getting drawn into conflict Our guide Managing conflict with your childrsquos other parent includes a section on mediation It can give you ideas about suggesting this to the other person and finding organisations that can help

Our guide Helping someone you know will help third parties who support parents in making arrangements for their children ndash financial and otherwise


Parenting apart Once yoursquore back in contact with the other parent you may want to start thinking about the future and how both parents can have more involvement in your childrsquos life

As wersquove already mentioned children usually benefit from having both parents involved in their upbringing Theyrsquore more likely to have higher levels of self-esteem do better at school and go on to have healthier relationships as an adult And of course theyrsquoll have the financial benefits of having both parents support them

If therersquos still some bad feeling between you and the other parent the idea of working together might seem impossible And when yoursquore feeling low itrsquos hard to imagine that things can change for the better

But by following the suggestions in this guide and giving relationships time to develop at their own pace you may find the results worthwhile


Getting started

Building a new relationship with your childrsquos other parent ndash one thatrsquos based on what your child needs rather than your old lives ndash is going to take some work

But if you can keep the following things in mind yoursquoll be off to a good start

1 Respect each other Accept that they are the other parent of your child and that this will never change Try to talk positively about the other parent and take an interest in your childrsquos relationship with them

2 Think about each otherrsquos feelings Try to see things from their point of view Be polite and treat them as you want to be treated

3 Talk to each other Listen to what theyrsquore saying and be clear about what you mean when yoursquore talking to them Make sure you share information about your child too

4 Be flexible Childrenrsquos needs change as they grow older so you need to be able to discuss this with the other parent as they go through these changes


Parenting together

Every family is different and itrsquos up to you how you want to arrange things once yoursquore back in touch with each other But if you havenrsquot parented together before and yoursquore feeling anxious why not start out small and see how it goes

If yoursquove not been involved before

There are lots of ways you can get involved in your childrsquos life Here are just a few ideas to help you get started

1 Find out what they like to do and take an interest in the same things For example

bull follow their favourite football team or pop group

bull watch some of the same TV shows or films

bull read the same book as them

2 Think about what skills you could teach them ndash for example how to swim ride a bike or even tie their shoelaces

3 Work on projects together For example make a family tree or get them to help you with some simple DIY

4 Older children often have very busy lives so give them more flexibility to fit you in Let them choose how you spend time together ndash maybe offer to hold a sleepover or take them somewhere with their friends


If you do most of the parenting

You can help by

bull encouraging your child to send drawings or letters through the post

bull making sure your child is home when theyrsquore expecting a phone call from their other parent

bull preparing your child for when they spend time with their other parent

bull keeping up-to-date with the activities the other parent starts off

How your child might react

Children and teenagers will have feelings about a parent getting back in contact too and may find these hard to make sense of or talk about It can be especially difficult if they feel caught in the middle or feel the need to say what they think you want to hear

Try not to rush them or force them to talk if they find it hard Just let them know they can talk when theyrsquore ready

The Parent Connection website wwwtheparentconnectionorguk can give you more information about how children may react and how you could respond Take a look at the lsquoHow children feel about contactrsquo article in the co-parenting section of the website


Next steps

If you want more help putting these ideas into practice our guide Managing conflict with your childrsquos other parent can give you more information about dealing with day-to-day parenting issues together

If yoursquore going to be working with your childrsquos other parent there are lots of practical questions you might want to discuss A parenting plan can help you work through these and record your joint decisions Find out more by searching for lsquoparenting plansrsquo on wwwnfmorguk ndash the information includes a guide you can download

Final note Yoursquore clearly determined to put the past behind you and do your best for your child

If you start to put these ideas into practice remember that getting back in touch with the other parent may not be easy But if you can focus on the needs of your child and on making this a positive change for them then it can pay off in the end


Useful contacts Parenting and parenting apart

Centre for Separated Families wwwseparatedfamiliesinfo adviceseparatedfamiliesorguk Provides advice and support to parents and other people experiencing family separation

Family Lives (England and Wales) wwwfamilylivesorguk Family Lives helpline 0808 800 2222 Monday to Sunday 24 hours a day Help for parents families and step families dealing with stressful situations Runs a helpline live chat and other services

Families need Fathers wwwfnforguk (England and Wales) wwwfnfscotlandorguk (Scotland) Helpline 0300 0300 363 Every day 7am to midnight (England and Wales) Monday to Friday 6pm to 10pm (Scotland) Help with issues caused by relationship breakdown and parenting apart Help to involve both parents in a childrsquos life after separation Services include a national helpline and local branch meetings across the UK

Gingerbread (England and Wales) wwwgingerbreadorguk Lone Parent Helpline 0808 802 0925 Monday 10am to 6pm Tuesday Thursday and Friday 10am to 4pm Wednesday 10am to 1pm and 5pm to 7pm Information for single parents about a wide range of legal financial and parenting matters


ParentLine Scotland wwwchildren1storguk 0800 028 2233 Monday to Friday 9am to 10pm Saturday and Sunday 12noon to 8pm Free confidential support for parents and carers in Scotland who need help with family or relationship issues

Salvation Army Family Tracing Service wwwsalvationarmyorguk 0207 367 450 Can help people trace adult relatives with whom contact has been lost and so restore family relationships

The Parent Connection from One Plus One wwwtheparentconnectionorguk A website for parents who are separating or are separated It provides a wide range of tools and information adapted from face-to-face mediation techniques that parents can use for themselves

Money and work

Child Maintenance Options cmoptionsorg 0800 988 0988 Text lsquoOPTIONSrsquo to 66644 Monday to Friday 8am to 8pm Saturday 9am to 4pm Free impartial information and guidance to help separated parents make informed decisions about supporting their children

MATCH wwwmatchmothersorg Non-judgemental support and information for mothers apart from their children in a wide variety of circumstances


General advice and support

Citizens Advice (England and Wales) wwwadviceguideorguk Advice line England 0844 411 1444 Advice line Wales 0844 477 2020 A popular source of free independent and confidential advice about legal money and other problems Can put you in touch with a local Citizens Advice Bureau

Scottish Citizens Advice Bureau wwwcasorguk Citizens Advice Direct Call 0808 800 9060 Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm and Saturday 10am to 2pm Free independent and confidential advice through its network of bureaux in Scotland

GovUK wwwgovuk Government website providing information about parenting money benefits and work and access to online government services

You can also download Parenting Plans a free guide that can be a useful source of information for parents dealing with divorce or separation


Legal advice and mediation

Community Legal Advice (England and Wales) wwwgovuk Helpline 0845 345 4 345 Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm Saturday 9am to 1230pm A free confidential and independent legal advice service

Family Law Association (Scotland) wwwfamilylawassociationorg An online information and advice centre explaining family law in Scotland

National Family Mediation (England and Wales) wwwnfmorguk 0300 4000 636 Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm A network of family mediation services that helps couples who are going through separation or divorce or living apart to sort out issues affecting both of them

Relate (England and Wales) wwwrelateorguk 0300 100 1234 Relationship counselling for individuals and couples and counselling for children and young people

Relate has a sister website that provides online advice and support for parents and families wwwrelatefor parentsorguk


Relationships Scotland wwwrelationshipsscotlandorguk Relationship and family support across Scotland including mediation services and child contact centres

Resolution (England and Wales) wwwresolutionorguk 01689 820 272 9am to 530pm National organisation of family lawyers that helps families reach solutions to problems in a non-confrontational way Can provide information about all aspects of family law

Scottish Legal Aid Board wwwslaborguk Legal aid helpline 0845 122 8686 Open 7 days a week 7am to 11pm The organisation responsible for managing legal aid in Scotland providing funding for people who qualify for it

Dealing with domestic violence

Mankind wwwmankindorguk Helpline 01823 334 244 Monday to Friday 10am to 4pm and 7pm to 9pm Support for male victims of domestic abuse and violence Provides information support and access to local police counselling housing and other services

National Domestic Violence Helpline wwwnationaldomestic violencehelplineorguk Helpline 0808 2000 247 7 days a week 24 hours a day Free helpline available around the clock to give emotional support and practical advice to victims of domestic violence and abuse

Emotional wellbeing


NHS Choices wwwnhsuk (England) wwwnhs24com (Scotland) wwwwalesnhsuk (Wales) Information from the National Health Service on conditions treatments local services and healthy living

Samaritans wwwsamaritansorg Helpline 08457 909 090 Open 7 days a week 24 hours a day Free confidential emotional

support for people experiencing stress anxiety despair or similar feelings

Young Minds Parents Helpline wwwyoungmindsorguk 0808 802 5544 Monday to Friday 930am to 4pm parentsyoungmindsorguk Confidential support for anyone worried about the emotional problems or behaviour of a child or young person

34

-

The main sources of research used to write this guide are

Call charges

Calls to 0800 numbers are free from BT land lines but you may have to pay if you use another phone company or a mobile phone or if you are calling from abroad

Calls to 0845 numbers from BT land lines should cost no more than 4p a

bull Andrews S Armstrong D McLernon L Megaw S and Skinner C (2011) Promotion of child maintenance Research on instigating behaviour change Child Maintenance and Enforcement Commission Research Report

bull Wikeley N Ireland E Bryson C and Smith R (2008) Relationship separation and child support study DWP Research Report 503

bull Rodgers B and Pryor J (1998) Divorce and Separation ndash the Outcomes for Children Joseph Rowntree Foundation Research Report

minute with a 15p call set up charge You may have to pay more if you use another phone company or a mobile phone or if you are calling from abroad

Calls from mobile phones can cost up to 40p a minute so check the cost of calls with your service provider

EMACL0038 V004 (August 2015) ISBN 978-1-78153-811-1

We print on recycled paper This keeps costs down and helps look after the environment

copy Crown copyright 2015

EMACL0038_082015_002_001

Sorting out separation Get help with issues around your break-up withan easy-to-use web app tailored to your needs including bull children and parenting bull relationships and conflict bull health bull housing

bull work and benefits bull money bull legal

Find us on many websites

including cmoptionsorg

Over 50organisations

who can help

We bapp

Expert help atthe click of abutton

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Useful contacts 29































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ation issues






















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The courts


The Salvation Army


Tracing agencies

This group includes

















Next steps



































































best for your child
















Next steps











Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001






Useful contacts 29































on issues

t t

t r

t t

t r t

r i t i t rr

t r

f r

tr

rt

f t r t

























Talking about money

8





ation issues






















9








Next steps


















The courts


The Salvation Army


Tracing agencies

This group includes

















Next steps



































































best for your child
















Next steps











Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001































on issues

t t

t r

t t

t r t

r i t i t rr

t r

f r

tr

rt

f t r t

























Talking about money

8





ation issues






















9








Next steps


















The courts


The Salvation Army


Tracing agencies

This group includes

















Next steps



































































best for your child
















Next steps











Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001





ation issues






















9








Next steps


















The courts


The Salvation Army


Tracing agencies

This group includes

















Next steps



































































best for your child
















Next steps











Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001








Next steps


















The courts


The Salvation Army


Tracing agencies

This group includes

















Next steps



































































best for your child
















Next steps











Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001















The courts


The Salvation Army


Tracing agencies

This group includes

















Next steps



































































best for your child
















Next steps











Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001














Next steps



































































best for your child
















Next steps











Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001


































































best for your child
















Next steps











Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001






Next steps











Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001







Getting started








Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001


Parenting together













You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001



You can help by










Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001


Next steps















Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001











Money and work























Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001





















Emotional wellbeing






34

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001

-


Call charges











EMACL0038_082015_002_001




EMACL0038_082015_002_001

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