Golden Moon Twilight Fan Fiction Unknown Author Prologue He was dying. My eyes burned with smoke and my lungs were overwhelmed with the h eavy, acrid odor of incense as the wolves threw vampire chunks into the blazing fire. I could hear the howls and growling of the pack as their fury whipped them into a frenzy. I was covered with blood. It dripped from me onto him as I desperately tried to hold his torn and broken body together, to somehow protect him from certain demi se. But my loss of blood was nothing. My wounds were superficial. He was dying! Dying because he tried to protect me. And there was nothing I could do to stop i t. I kept screaming. Screaming at the top of my lungs despite the choking smoke, un til the intelligible noise finally turned into words. "Jacob," I screamed," You have to save him! Please! He cannot die because of me! I'm begging you, you're the only one who can do this! Jacob! Oh God - Jasper! N o! You have to save him! He's dying!" The smoke was so thick I could hardly see, but my peripheral vision somehow regi stered movement. A small, fast, fluid shadow descended into the clearing like a dark angel. My screams caught in my throat as my mind recognized the familiar fi gure. Alice! ________________________________________ Chapter 1: Abandoned toy He was gone. A part of me wanted to follow, to trace his path through the forest, catch up wi th him and force him to change his mind. But I knew this was impossible. I was a terrible tracker and I could never match his speed, even if I was able to follo w without falling and injuring myself. Besides, what could I possibly say to cha nge his mind? If he was telling the truth, if he really didn't want me, what goo d would it do to argue? I sank to the ground. I didn't know what to do, where to go, what to think. He h ad said he loved me, over and over again, so many times. I thought he meant it. Yet today he was so cold, like he was a different person. Not the Edward I loved , but a stranger. I sat there for a while, not moving. I was worthless and alone, left like last s eason's trendy toy that was now out of style. Sure, Edward could move on to othe r distractions. But what was I supposed to do now? For months Edward had been my whole world. We spent all our time together. I had no other interests, nothing to distract me. How could I go on? I felt numbness spread through me as I wallow ed in self pity. When I finally tried to move, I realized that I was numb, literally. My legs had fallen asleep from sitting so long in one position. Yet another reminder that I was a pathetically inferior human. Edward could have sat there in the same posi tion for days without a slightest hint of discomfort. I untangled my legs and cried out as blood circulated again and brought feeling and pain. Thousands of pins and needles sticking into my lower limbs, like the o nes I could feel stabbing into my heart. There was a strange comfort in the pain at least it proved I could still feel. When the pain in my legs finally receded, I pulled myself up and made my way bac k to the house. Charlie hadn't come home yet. I found a note on the kitchen tabl e, written in my messy handwriting. Going for a walk with Edward, up the path. Back soon, B. I was confused. I hadn't written the note. Edward must have done it, but why? Di d he expect me to still be on the trail when Charlie came home? Did he expect me to collapse in some sort of catatonic state so that Charlie would have to find me? And if he did expect that, did he really go ahead and leave me, after warnin g me last spring about all the dangers hiding in the forest? I started to get an gry. I crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash.

No, I would not give him the satisfaction of acting like the weakling he believe d me to be. He had hurt me, yes, but the wound was not fatal. It would take time to heal; something I was used to. Clumsy as I was, I was always healing form on e injury or another. If anything, this emotional blow should be easier. Not stit ches or braces or casts necessary. Just time. The thought of time made me look at the clock. Holy crow, it was late! Charlie w ould be home soon and I had nothing ready for dinner. There wasn't enough time f or anything remotely resembling home cooking, so I grabbed some spaghetti and a jar of sauce. I knew I had a bag of frozen meatballs in the freezer for just suc h occasions. I quickly put water in the pasta pot to boil and dumped the meatbal ls and pasta sauce into another pot to warm. It wouldn't be my finest culinary e ffort, but Charlie probably wouldn't even notice. He wasn't particularly picky. The phone rang. I didn't feel like talking with anyone, but answered anyway, jus t in case it was Charlie. "Hey Bella," the voice was that of Jessica Stanley. I cringed. There could only be one reason for Jessica to call her gossip of a mo ther had already heard about the Cullens leaving Forks. Bad news travels fast, I thought. Then I realized that Edward never even game me the cover story. What w ould I tell Jessica when she asked why they left? Oh, you know, Jess, Edward fel t I wasn't good enough for him anymore and he couldn't stand to live in the same town as me so his whole family had to move, lest he give in to his initial reac tion to me and kill me for my blood. I bet that would go over well. Fortunately, I didn't have to be that creative. "My mom just came home and told me that Dr. Cullen took a position in a hospital in L.A. and that the whole family was moving there immediately. How awful! Did you speak with Edward?" Moving to sunny California, I thought. I had to admit the irony was just a littl e too delicious. Edward really wanted to go to great lengths to make sure he mad e a clean get-away. I knew the one place the Cullens would not move to was a cit y where they would be forced to stay indoors all the time. Was he afraid I would try to stalk him and came up with this ridiculous lie as a signal to me? I clen ched my fist in anger. I was not a physically aggressive person, but right now I wouldn't mind punching something, or someone! "Bella?" Jessica's voice interrupted my thoughts. I panicked. What was it that s he asked me? That's right, she wanted to know if Edward and I talked. "Yes, we spoke. It's true." "Oh," she said, and I knew she didn't call for confirmation of the rumor. She wa nted the dirt on me and Edward. "So what are you guys going to do? Will you visi t each other on the weekends?" "Um," my brain was working overtime. Edward was gone and he made me feel so smal l, but there was no reason for any one else to know that. What could I say that wouldn't make me sound like a discarded plaything? After a moment, I formulated a story that I prayed would work. "Flying is pretty expensive, and senior year m eans a lot of school work, plus I have to work many weekends. We'll see what hap pens, but for now we decided that it might be a good idea to see other people." "I see," Jessica said incredulously. "And you're OK with that? I mean, you know what they say about California girls. Are you sure you want to give Edward your permission to . . . experiment?" I could hear in her voice that she didn't really believe me. The fact that she w as right made me all the more determined to be convincing. "Whatever," I said, sounding bored. "I mean, make no mistake, I love Edward, but he was definitely more useful as a boyfriend when he was here, you know what I mean?" "Really? I thought you two were really gaga over each other." "Yeah, well, I guess we were, but I'm only eighteen and I don't want to spend my last year of high school exchanging e-mails, phone calls and an occasional visi t with a long-distance boyfriend, and I'm sure Edward feels the same way." Yes, he had made that abundantly clear. "So, you know, we'll keep in touch, but we'll explore our other options too." I crossed my fingers as I offered the last lie. I knew all too well there would

be no future contact between me and Edward. How had he put it? It will be as tho ught I never existed. He might as well have substituted "you" for the "I". "Wow, Bella, you're taking this really well," Jessica said. Her voice was still filled with disbelief, but also a bit of disappointment. I could tell she was ho ping I'd be a heartbroken mess. I thought about the note crumpled in the trash. Join the club, Jess, join the club. "You think? I'm just trying to make the most of a bad situation. Maybe dating is like horseback riding if you fall off the best thing to do is get right back on ? "Sure," now Jessica was uncertain. I could almost hear her thoughts, reviewing t he roster of available senior boys at Forks high school, including her ex, Mike Newton. "But no sense in rushing into anything." I knew this conversation had not gone anything like she thought it would when sh e first picked up the phone, and I was glad, though I also felt guilty that I wa s taking out my anger at Edward by being mean to Jess. I really had no intention of dating anyone, especially Mike Newton, so why make her as miserable as I fel t? "I won't rush," I assured her. "I think a little break from relationships would be good for me. Look, Jess, my dad will be home any minute and I have to finish dinner, so. . ." I let my voice train off. "Oh, right, I'll let you go," thankfully she took the hint. "I'll see you at sch ool tomorrow." We hung up the phone and I knew that as soon as the receiver hit the cradle at J essica's house it would be picked up again, either by her or her mother. By tomo rrow morning there wouldn't be a soul in town who didn't know about me an Edward . I just hoped my story was plausible enough to hold. I had dinner ready by the time Charlie walked through the door. "Hey, Bella," he said cautiously as we sat down to eat," I hear the Cullens were moving to California. Edward going with them?" I looked up, startled. Even thought I was 18 and everyone assumed Edward was the same age, the possibility of Edward staying behind when his family left would n ot have even occurred to me. I hoped Charlie was the only one who made that ment al leap. "Of course, Dad. He's still in high school." For the umpteenth time! I briefly w ondered where the Cullens were really moving to, and whether they would be start ing high school all over again wherever they wound up. For some reason the miser y that this experience caused them, especially Edward and Rosalie, gave me a sma ll comfort. Who knew I was this vindictive? "I see. So I suppose I should get a better long distance plan?" I knew I would have to lie to Charlie as well, but I didn't realize it would be this hard. Still, he would know better than anyone that there would be no calls to or from California, and I couldn't very well tell him the truth. "I don't think so, Dad. The long-distance relationship thing, probably not such a good idea. Edward and I decided to see other people. We, um, broke up." It was Charlie's turn to look surprised. "And you're OK with that?" he was at once concerned, suspicious, hopeful and rel ieved. "Yeah. I think I am." "Uh-huh," he didn't sound convinced. "Am I going to have to drive you to LA to c onvince him to move back to Forks?" I winced at the reminder of the cover story we gave Charlie for the events of la st spring break. I supposed it was hard to believe that Edward and I could be in separable one week, and completely ready to move on the next. And no wonder, sin ce it was a complete lie, at least on my part. But I had a role to play here, an d dwelling would not be helpful. I tried to smile. "Well, it's not like his whole family will move back for us, so I don't think th ere would be any point to that trip." Suddenly Charlie looked glum. "Are you going to stay in Forks?" he asked, and I realized that he was worried t hat without Edward I would decided to re-join Renee and Phil. I thought it was o

dd that this thought hadn't even occurred to me. Of course I could avoid all the gossip simply by leaving myself. I too had another place to go. But looking at Charlie's tortured face, I knew this was not an option. Charlie needed me here, and I would not let Edward chase me away from my home. I didn't want to start se nior year at a new school, be forced to make new friends, find a new job. Stayin g in Forks would be hard, but it would also be easier than moving. "Yeah, Dad, I'm staying in Forks. I want to finish high school with my friends." I could see he was buying it. I guess I was a pretty good spin doctor - maybe I had a career in public relations. "I'm glad, Bells. I love having you here." I choked up a little. The word "love" was not one Charlie used often. I hung my head, embarrassed. "I love you too, Dad." I said. We finished the meal in silence. After dinner I washed the dishes while Charlie dried and put them away. We didn't need to speak to bond. When we were done Charlie went to the living room to watch a baseball game. I le t him know I was going to do homework and headed upstairs. I had an idea that my surprises from Edward weren't over yet, and I opened the door to my room with d read. Sure enough, he had been here too. I could see that the birthday presents form h is family were gone. He had also removed the photos of himself from my scrapbook and took his CD out of my CD player. This was a final blow, but it was also kin d of a relief. I acknowledged that I probably would have gotten rid of all those things anyway. He just saved me the trouble. I knew I wouldn't be able to study, and there was nothing due the next day, so I decided to get ready for bed. As I lay in my dark room, the events of the day r e-played in my head like footage of a disaster on an otherwise slow news day. Al one, all traces of my false bravado disappeared and the tears started flowing un til, eventually, I cried myself to sleep. Chapter 2: Starting Over My night had been restless. I kept waking up between nightmares. Each time I wok e up without the coolness of Edward's body next to mine, I immediately remembere d what happened and tried to fall asleep to get away from reality. But as soon a s I fell asleep the nightmares returned. There was not relief. Now wonder I felt horrible when it was finally time to get out of bed and start my life in Forks all over again. I knew today was critical. I had to put on a good show so that no one knew how m iserable I really felt. One look in the mirror showed me how difficult my task w ould be. The evidence of my misery was irrefutably imprinted on my face, with my eyes puffy from a night of crying. Fortunately, splashing cold water on my face helped a little. I swallowed a couple of Advils, both for the anti-inflammatory properties and to help with the head ache that was quickly developing as I thou ght of what awaited me at the high school. How I wished I could just stay home. But I knew I couldn't hide forever, and it was best to confront my fear head on. I dressed, ate breakfast and got into my truck. Immediately I gasped. Was it pos sible? Did the infallible Edward actually forget to remove such an obvious remin der of him and his family? I couldn't believe it, yet could not deny what I was seeing with my own eyes. The stereo that had been a birthday gift from Emmet was still in the truck. I hit the steering wheel in anger and frustration! How in t he world was I supposed to get rid of that? The anger actually helped me pull myself together, so that by the time I reached the high school I was steadfast in my resolve to put on a great show of nonchal ance. One last check in the rearview mirror told me the obvious signs of crying were gone. I was relieved. Walking through the parking lot I heard fast footsteps behind me and then felt a n arm around my shoulder. I turned to see Mike Newton. "Hey, Bella," he said easily. "What's this I hear about Cullen leaving town and you wanting to see other people?'

I had to admire Mike's persistence and self-confidence. He certainly believed in striking while the iron was hot. "Um, yeah," I said noncommittally, "Neither one of us thought the long distance thing would work so great," "Heck, no," he agreed. "A beautiful girl like you wasted on a phone and e-mail r elationship? And in your senior year? No way! There are way too many cool things to do this year. Just wait and see, a couple of weeks and you won't even rememb er his name." This was wishful thinking on Mike's part. He couldn't possible think any boy cou ld ever make me forget Edward. Nevertheless, I found myself caught up in his opt imism. Maybe this would be easier than I thought. Maybe there would be just enou gh distractions to keep me from sinking into complete despair. "Bella!" I looked up to see Angela waiving and walking over. I stopped walking to let her catch up. Mike removed his arm from my shoulder. As if sensing this was girl ta lk time, he kept walking, turning around briefly to wink at me and shout a quick "See you later." "He's in a good mood," Angela commented, and she didn't need to say she knew exa ctly why. Then she looked at me, scrutinizing my face. "How are you?" I felt uncomfortable. Angela was always more sensitive to my moods. If anyone co uld see through my charade, it would be her. "I'm fine." I decided I could be more honest with her than the others, trusting in her discretion. "It's hard. It was so unexpected I wasn't prepared. I'll miss him, but the show must go on, right?" Angela looked like she wasn't convinced. "Jessica said you didn't want a long distance relationship, but are you sure, Be lla? It might not be so bad. It's not as though Edward couldn't afford to visit . . ." I interrupted her before she could go on. "It was a mutual decision, Angela," I said pointedly. OK, that was a lie. I was giving myself far more responsibility for that decision that I actually had. But telling Angela the whole truth would have been too painful. Even this concessio n to my official faade was difficult. "Edward wasn't interested in a long-distanc e relationship any more than I was." "Oh," I could see she suddenly understood, and was not going to push this line o f thought. "Well, then, let me know if you need anything. You know I'm here for you." "Thanks, Angela," I smiled. "I appreciate that more than you know." The rest of the day passed in a blur. I repeated my carefully orchestrated story so often I was almost starting to believe it myself. Fortunately, everyone else seemed to believe it too. I took the most satisfaction in convincing Lauren. I knew she had wanted to torture me with the consequences of Edward's departure, a nd raged at my ability to disarm her before she even had the chance. When I wasn't spinning my web of lies, the misery took over. I tried really hard to keep a smile plastered on my face, but inside I was weeping. The empty chair next to me in every class was a constant reminder of Edward. I had never felt m ore alone. After school I went to work. Thankfully the store was busy, with lots of people stocking up on hunting and fishing gear before the start of the season. To Mike' s visible dismay, this left little time for random chit-chat. I was glad. I put up a good front at school, but I wasn't quite ready for the puppy dog adoration Mike wanted to bestow. As soon as my shift was over I skipped out and headed home, grabbing a quick pla te of leftovers for dinner and throwing myself into the pile of homework I negle cted the night before. I managed to get through it all, but as the night wore on I grew more and more despondent. Pretending to be strong all day left me absolutely exhausted. Even if I could fo ol everyone else, I couldn't lie to myself. I couldn't pretend that the gaping w ound he left behind didn't exist and I couldn't stop my eyes from overflowing. M y second day without Edward ended much like my first, crying myself to sleep.

Chapter 3: Left Behind The next day was Friday, and it went much the same, except I didn't have to repe at my story to the people who had already heard it. Mike hovered around me const antly and it looked like he wanted to ask me out on a date, but I made sure to a lways be surrounded by a group of people, making it impossible for him to ask hi s question without risking public rejection. I was never so glad to hear the las t bell of the day. I didn't have to work, so I went home and prepared dinner for Charlie. I didn't know what to do next. The prospect of spending another evening in my room, devoi d of all physical reminders of Edward yet somehow still filled with his presence , was unacceptable. There was nothing on TV. Tired of keeping up my false front, I didn't want to do anything with any of my friends from school. It was too lat e in the evening to go hiking and there just wasn't anything to do in Forks wher e I wouldn't be risking running into people I knew. I had never been much of a s hopper, but suddenly the thought of spending an evening in the relative anonymit y of the department store in Port Angeles had a new appeal. I quickly dashed off a note for Charlie about shopping and a movie, making sure I didn't clue him in that I was going alone. Then I grabbed my purse, hopped in my truck and headed out of town. The sun had gone down and I knew pretty soon it would be dark. Suddenly I rememb ered the last time I was in Port Angeles alone. I intended to stay in the retail district this time, where I was relatively sure I'd be safe, but without Edward waiting to save me in the wings, was this really a smart idea? I slowed down, d oubt and a little bit of fear eating at my insides. I probably shouldn't go to P ort Angeles alone, but I really didn't have other options. Unable to make a deci sion, I pulled off to the side of the road and buried my head in my hands. How c ould Edward do this to me? How could the rest of the Cullens do this to me? Even if he didn't care for me anymore, why did they abandon me? How could they leave without even saying goodbye? Suddenly I knew where I needed to go. I needed to see for myself that they were really gone. I needed to go to their house. I started the truck again and turned around, heading down to the familiar road t hat led to the house deep in the woods. I didn't know what I would do once I got there. Look in the windows, I supposed. I wasn't sure what to expect. Would the y have packed up all their possessions and taken them with them, or simply cover ed everything, intending to come back again some day? I didn't know which would be worse. I pulled up to the house, which had a feeling of abandonment about it. The curta ins in the windows were tightly drawn. I sat in my truck, uncertain as to what t o do next. I was sure if I rounded to the back of the house the windows there wo uld be just as impenetrable. I should just turn around and go back home. But an inexplicable feeling washed over me and would not let me leave. I found myself g etting out of the truck and walking towards the porch, heading to the front door , my outstretched hand reaching for the door handle. Before I even touched the handle the door opened, making me gasp in surprise. St anding in the doorway, serene and enigmatic as ever, was Jasper. I was shocked, though I could see that he had been expecting me. He must have heard my truck an d manipulated my emotions to compel me to come to the door. I remembered the last time Jasper and I were in this close proximity, the single -minded pursuit in his eyes as he tried to get past Edward to reach me and my bl ood, and my fear compelled me to take a step back. Undoubtedly sensing my fear, Jasper also retreated by about three times the distance of my step. "Hello, Bella," he said politely, but not warmly. I wasn't surprised, as Jasper and I had never been particularly close. "Hi Ja. . . Jasper," I managed to stammer out. "What are you doing here? I thoug ht the whole family left?" I was starting to feel more relaxed, but I knew it wa s just Jasper manipulating my emotions. "We did leave," he confirmed, "But I couldn't stay with the others. I needed tim e alone to think. This seemed as good a place as any to do that."

"Oh," I had nothing else to say. I suspected the reason he needed to be alone ha d to do with the incident at my birthday party, and it was another reminder how much trouble my humanity had caused. No wonder Edward didn't want to be with me. Why should he, when I was just tearing his family apart? Rosalie hated me, and now Jasper had to separate from them because of me, because I had tempted him ki ll a human, the one thing they tried so hard to avoid. Alice must be heartbroken . I didn't know what to do next. I had my confirmation that the family had left, a nd now I understood better why they didn't want to say goodbye. Alice must have seen Jasper needing this time alone and hated me for it. I choked back a sob. I needed to leave this place before I totally lost control. I took another step ba ckwards. "I'm sorry to disturb you." I said, frantic to make a quick getaway. "It won't h appen again." I took another step back without turning around, not realizing that I had alread y made it back to the stairs. I lost my footing and tumbled backwards to the gro und. Jasper was next to me in a flash, but he did not touch me. I saw him take a shallow breath. "Are you all right?" he asked. A bit dazed, I took stock of my body, sprawled unattractively at the foot of the porch stairs. I moved my legs and my arms and examined my hands for cuts. My bu tt hurt from the hard landing, but otherwise everything was in working order. "I'm fine, thanks," I said, sitting up. "Just clumsy as usual." I used the porch railing to pull myself up to a standing position. Jasper now st ood between me and the truck, my means of escape. "Bella, would you come in for a while? I would very much like to talk to you." My face scrunched up in confusion. Why would Jasper want to talk to me? Was he a ngry at me for want happened between him and the family? I was petrified of a co nfrontation with him. Of course, he could sense my fear. "I won't hurt you," he said, calmly. "I'll keep a safe distance and we'll be sur e to keep you away from all sharp objects and glass. I can control myself, Bella . I just hunted earlier today. I promise I only want to talk." I considered his request carefully. I could tell by the color of his eyes that h e was telling the truth about hunting. Besides, if he had wanted to hurt me he c ould have done so already. And if he wanted to talk, could I deny him that after all the trouble I caused? "Sure, Jasper," I agreed. "Let's talk." He walked back into the house and I followed at a respectable distance, closing the door behind me. Chapter 4: Mannequin We walked to the living room and I saw that I had been right about the back wall of windows it was covered with a solid curtain of shades. No one looking at the house would guess that someone was staying here. The room was illuminated b a s oft glow of a single lamp, which was more than enough light for someone with Jas per's perfect eyesight. "Please, sit," Jasper said, gesturing towards the sofa, and I followed his sugge stion. He took a seat in an armchair on the other side of the room. "Bella," he began, "I want you to know how very sorry I am for what happened at your party. With as much time as we spent in close proximity over the last few m onths, I allowed myself to become complacent. I was sure I could control my crav ings and I let down my guard. I should have hunted before that night, but I ran short on time. I thought I would be able to handle my thirst. I was so wrong!" "Jasper," I tried to interrupt, but he held up his hand in a request for my sile nce. "Please let me finish. I need to say this. If it had just been the paper cut, I may have been able to stifle the urge, but when you fell as Edward tried to prot ect you from me and blood started flowing from the wound on your arm, I complete ly lost control. I could have killed you, Bella. I would have killed you if Emme tt and Edward had not been there to stop me. I will be forever grateful that the

y were there." He didn't seem to be done, so all I could do was to stare at him. He was in such pain. "I know you can never forgive me, Bella. What I did set of a chain of events tha t changed all of our lives forever. But even without your forgiveness, I just ne eded to tell you all this, to assure you that this will never happen again. From now on I will hunt daily, if necessary, to make sure my thirst will never endan ger you or any other human." He turned his face away from me as I continued to stare at him. I knew how diffi cult this was for him. Jasper hated himself for having this weakness. Admitting it publicly, to a human, must have been beyond humiliating. "Jasper, I forgave you that night. Didn't Alice tell you?" Of course, even if she had told him, he probably thought she was lying to make h im feel better. I should have insisted on talking to him myself. I could have sp ared him lots of needless suffering. "Please stop blaming yourself. It's in your nature to want to hunt humans. You h ave done very well controlling yourself for years. I'm the one who should have b een more careful. I should have never put you in that position, in your own hous e! This whole thing is my fault. I was a fool to think I could ever be with some one like Edward. I put you all at risk every day of breaking your commitment not to take human life. I was hoping Edward would soon relent and change me into on e of you, but now I see that he never wanted to be with me forever." Jasper looked over at me, startled. "Bella," he said quietly, "Edward loves you." "He may have loved me for a while. I know he risked a lot for me, so I guess he must have loved me at one point, but he didn't love me enough to want to spend e ternity with me. In the end, he didn't want me." Jasper looked at me as if I was speaking a different language. "What are you tal king about, Bella?" He seemed genuinely confused, so I explained. I told him about everything that h appened just two days ago, when Edward told me of their plans. It was all so fre sh in my mind that I was able to give him a word for word account. It was painfu l, but somehow cathartic. Over the last two days I had been living the carefully constructed lie, and it was good to be able to finally share the truth. As I spoke, Jasper's face became more and more unreadable, blank. After I finish ed, he said nothing and looked away. My initial feeling of relief at being able to speak candidly faded rapidly as the silence stretched uncomfortably between u s. He sat still in his armchair, his face void of all expression. His eyes were open, but it was obvious his thoughts were far away. Seconds turned into minutes. A quarter of an hour passed without a word, without a sound other than my breathing. I started to feel like I was sharing a room wi th a mannequin. I fidgeted in my seat, feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed and fo olish. Another minute passed by and I had reached my limit. I stood up, needing to leave this bizarre situation. "Please don't go, Bella," his voice startled me. "I'm sorry I'm making you uncom fortable. You have no reason to be embarrassed. Once again, I'm behaving inappro priately." He spoke to me, but he still hadn't moved or looked at me. A mannequi n turned robot. Then he turned towards me and his eyes locked with mine. I couldn't look away. I couldn't blink. His topaz eyes, so much like Edward's, held me completely capti ve. "I was trying to process everything you told me; trying to reconcile the things Edward said to you with the things he told us; trying to understand what he was thinking." "Why," my voice sounded like a raspy croak through my dried throat. I swallowed, and tried again. "Why do you need to reconcile things? How was what he told you different than what he told me?" Jasper sighed. "It would be inappropriate for me to share what Edward told us. Suffice it to sa y that, at the time, we felt leaving Forks without having contact with you would

be in your best interest. Based on everything you just told me, that may have b een a mistake." His explanation cleared up nothing, yet the acknowledgement that maybe leaving w ithout saying goodbye was a mistake was oddly comforting. "Edward is complicated," Jasper continued, "the most complicated of all of us, e xcept maybe Carlisle. I can't pretend to understand why he did what he did or wh y he told you the things he did. In all the years that I've known him, he's disp layed a very limited range of emotions, until he met you. When he met you it was like the emotional floodgates opened, and he's been on a rollercoaster ever sin ce. In many ways, he's like a teenager hitting puberty. There are too many thing s going on that he is not familiar with. The confusion is worse for Edward becau se he has always been so controlled. He's clearly not thinking straight and all these new feelings may have driven him to do and say things he wouldn't otherwis e say. But, Bella, I do know with every certainty that he truly loves you, more than he's ever loved anyone before." I choked back a sob. I know Jasper meant well and probably believed every word h e had just said, but if he thought for a minute someone who loved me could have done to me what Edward did a couple of days ago, then his definition of love dif fered drastically from mine. Edward didn't love me. He may have been fascinated by me. He may have been intrigued by his inability to read my thoughts. He may h ave even enjoyed all the new feelings I inspired. But in the end, I was too much trouble. He was tired of acting human. I wasn't good enough. My torrent of emotions was making me hysterical. Then I felt a wave of calm wash ing over me. Jasper! "Please, don't," I said quietly, "I don't want to be manipulated." I felt the ca lmness receding, but the hysteria did not come back. I guess I still had some se lf-control. He shifted forward to the edge of his chair. He leaned his upper body over his l egs, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together, fingers intert wined. The expression on his face was very serious and earnest. "I see I'm not convincing you, Bella, so let me tell you something else. Even if Edward isn't emotionally capable of handling your relationship, even if he trul y believes the two of you should be apart, it has nothing to do with you. As I t old you in Phoenix, you are very much good enough, very much worth the effort! Y ou have great value! You're a beautiful, warm, smart, kind, compassionate young woman. People naturally gravitate towards you surely you must have noticed? You deserve happiness and love in your life and if Edward is unwilling or unable to give you that, then you're better off without him." Tears pooled in my eyes and fell to my cheeks. What he said was so beautiful and should have made me feel better, but all I could think was how it wasn't enough . No matter what anyone else thought, I wasn't good enough to make Edward wasn't to stay. Jasper stood up. I could see he was fighting a battle between wanting to comfort me and needing to keep his distance. I was making things difficult for him agai n. I wiped the tears form my eyes with the back of my hand. "Thanks, Jasper," I said, and meant it. Seeing him helped me get partial closure . "I'd better get going." I turned and walked towards the door. "Will you come back?" he asked. I stopped and turned back to him. "Do you want me to?" I was beyond surprised. This encounter couldn't have been a ny more pleasant for him than it had been for me. Probably less, given the physi cal discomfort he felt around me. And it's not like Jasper had ever wanted to sp end a time with me before. "No one other than you knows I'm here. I don't mind being alone, it's why I stay ed behind, but it would be nice to talk to someone once in a while. Maybe once a week? It wouldn't have to be more than that." I thought about this. I could certainly understand wanting to talk with someone every once in a while, but couldn't he just call Alice or Emmett or any other me mber of his family? But maybe that wasn't an option? Maybe he had been lying to me just like I had been lying to all my friends, and his seclusion wasn't volunt

ary at all. Was it possible that his family was so angry with him they had asked him not to go with them? I really would not have imagined them capable of that kind of punishment, but then I wouldn't have thought they would leave without sa ying goodbye to me either, so how well did I really know the Cullens after all? I felt awful. One stupid paper cut causing all this pain and loss. If only I had taken more care when opening that gift . . . I forced myself to stop that train of thought. Jasper was looking at me, still waiting for my answer. Could I come back here to talk to him? What would I tell Charlie? It would have to be after school, before Charlie came home, on a day I wasn't working. Given t hese restrictions, I probably couldn't swing more than one visit per week even i f I wanted to. And being here, once a week, for a few hours, well, it wasn't at the top of my wish list but it wouldn't kill me either. Or would it? That last t hought snuck in, another reminder of my last encounter with Jasper. No. No it wo uld not. He said he was in control and he would not hurt me. He's more careful n ow. He'll hunt before I come and we'll keep a safe distance from each other and it will be fine. It's just talking. Like visiting someone at a hospital or nursi ng home. I had to smile at the last thought. Given the difference in our real ag es, it would sort of be like visiting someone in a nursing home. I guess I could look at this as some sort of a community project volunteering with the elderly. That seemed a lot less threatening, and my decision was made. "Okay, Jasper. I can come over next Thursday." "Thank you. Your kindness is much appreciated." Right. He even spoke like a grandfather. All formal! "Sure. Now I really have to go," I started walking to the door again, but stoppe d dead in my tracks after only a couple of steps. Charlie would surely be home b y now, thinking I had been in Port Angeles, and I had never even left Forks. Wha t in the world would I tell him? I didn't want to lie, but I couldn't very well tell the truth either. Ugh! How did I always manage to make such a mess of thing s? "What's wrong, Bella?" Jasper asked. I sighed, and explained about the note I left for Charlie and how I didn't want to lie any more than I already had. Besides, I was a horrible liar, and much wor se in person than on paper. "I'll be right back," Jasper said. The cool breeze behind me let me know that he had left the room at superhuman speed. He was back, standing in front of me, be fore I could turn around. In his hands he held a shopping bag from the Port Ange les department store. "Alice purchased these but never wore them," he said. "They still have the tags on. They should work as a prop to back up your story." I took the bag and looked inside. The two tops were not Alice's size, and they w ere both a shade of blue that Edward had liked me to wear. I swallowed hard. I h ad a feeling the tags were left on the garments because they had never been inte nded for Alice in the first place. "Thanks, Japer," I said quietly. "I'll see you Thursday after school." He opened the door for me and pressed himself flush to the wall as I passed. "See you Thursday," he whispered. I walked back to my truck, threw the bag in the passenger seat and started the e ngine. Jasper was standing in the doorway watching me, illuminated by a thin sha ft of light form the lamp in the living room. I knew he meant me no harm, but st anding there, tall and lean, something about him screamed predator. I shivered i nvoluntarily. Then I shifted the truck into gear and drove back home. Chapter 5: Back to the Beach As expected, Charlie's cruiser was parked in the driveway when I got home. I too k a deep breath, reciting the story of shopping fun that I'd rehearsed on the dr ive home. I hoped I could sound convincing! I grabbed the bag and headed to the house. I could hear the TV on in the living room. "Hey, Dad," I called out. "Hey, Bella. Did you have fun?"

I stood in the entry to the living room and held up the bag with a smile that I hoped didn't look too forced. Amazingly, the prop worked to create the right imp lication. "Good. Got any plans for tomorrow?" I was amazed that I was actually going to get away with the Port Angeles charade . But I was also wary of the question. "Not really," I said hesitantly. I wasn't sure what Charlie was up to and I want ed to leave myself an out just in case. "I'm going fishing with Billy and I thought you might want to come to La Push wi th me. You know, hang out with Jake?" I mulled this over for a bit. I wasn't sure Jake would want to hang out with me all day, but a change in scenery might be a good thing. Anything was better than sitting around this house by myself all day, pining for Edward. "Sure. That'd be good." "Great. We're leaving bright and early, so set your alarm! Want to watch the res t of the game with me?" Charlie almost never suggested that I join him to watch a game. It was as if he sensed that I didn't want to be alone in my room. Someti mes he was more perceptive than I gave him credit for. Still, I wasn't sure whic h option was less appealing a miserable night in my room or an evening of baseba ll. In the end, I chose my room. "No thanks. Since we're getting up early tomorrow I think I'll go to bed." "Good night, then," "Good night." I was determined that tonight I would not cry myself to sleep. Instead of thinki ng about Edward, I focused on my encounter with Jasper. Encounter. That was a go od word. I thought of that movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Sometimes Jasper seemed totally alien to me. He barely ever spoke to me, but when he did h e said such profound things. What had he called me earlier? "Beautiful, warm, sm art, kind, compassionate young woman." I snorted. I was hardly beautiful. I supp ose I was warm, but then compared to vampires any human being was warm. I might have been inclined to give him the smart, if it wasn't for the fact that I chose to get involved with a vampire Adonis, someone so far out of my league it had t o be the most stupid thing any human being has ever done to think that the relat ionship could last more than a few days, much less forever. I turned over to my side and wondered again if Jasper was in Forks by choice or if he had been forced to stay away from the Cullens. I really hoped his was a se lf-imposed exile. But if he was here by choice, why ask me to come back to the h ouse? None of it made any sense. In the end, as much as I tried to avoid it, my thoughts returned to Edward. Once again I heard all of the horrible things he had said to me. I curled up into a ball as my tears fell again. Was I ever going to be able to fall asleep without crying? The next morning Charlie and I had a light breakfast before driving out to La Pu sh. We took my truck to make it easier for Charlie to haul the fishing gear and Billy's wheelchair, but he drove. I was just happy not to be seen in the police cruiser. I had my school bag with me for something to do, just in case Jake had other pla ns while Billy and Charlie went fishing. With or without Jake, I was glad I agre ed to go to La Push. It was the one place where Edward and I had never been able to go together, so it remained untainted by any painful memories. Soon we pulled up to Billy's house. The door opened almost immediately and Jake wheeled Billy to the front yard. "Hey, Bella," Jake said, smiling. He didn't seem surprised to see me. Charlie mu st have called Billy this morning while I was in the shower to let him know I wa s coming too. "Hey Jacob, Billy," I said brightly. Jake's smile was infectious. "Good to see you, Bella," Billy said. "About time you came out to visit." I didn't respond. Billy knew very well why I hadn't been able to visit before. M y ex-boyfriend, with whom I had spent all my time, wasn't welcome on the reserva tion. He couldn't step foot past the border without breaking an ancient treaty.

Now that Edward was gone, there was no reason for me to stay away. "You ready to head out, chief?" Billy asked Charlie. "You bet, where's your gear?" "I'll get it," Jake said as he ran to the stand-alone garage in the back of the yard. Charlie helped Billy into the truck and loaded his wheelchair in the back, then added the fishing gear Jake brought back with him. "All right, kids. We'll be back this afternoon. Have fun." Charlie said as he go t behind the wheel. Soon the truck was gone and it was just Jake and me in the f ront yard. "Here, let me take that," Jake said, reaching for my book bag. "Are you hungry, thirsty?" "No," I shook my head, "we ate before we came." "Okay. Well, come on in. I'll just grab a soda and we can figure out what to do for the rest of the day." He turned before I could respond and headed into the house. I followed. Being be hind him gave me a chance to take a good look at him without being watched mysel f. I noticed that he had grown since I last saw him. He was taller and more musc ular. I knew he was still fifteen, but he sure didn't look it. He really looked more like a young man now than a boy. With this new body, his beautiful, long ha ir, his warm eyes and fabulous smile, I bet he was swatting off girls like flies . Wait, what? I stopped in my tracks. What in the world had made me think about Ja ke and girls? I shook my head to clear it. My depression over Edward's leaving w as clearly impacting my mental health. "Coming?" I looked up to see Jake waiting, holding the front door open for me. I felt a blush creeping across my cheeks. I quickened my pace and entered the hou se. Jake tossed my book bag in the corner of the room and went to the kitchen. I stayed in the living room, furiously hoping he hadn't seen the blush and that i t would be gone by the time he came back. I never wanted to think about him, my 15-year-old family friend, that way again. "So did you have anything in mind for today?" Jake yelled from the kitchen. I he ard him opening and closing the fridge. He came back to the living room with two cans of Coke, handing me one of them. I set it down on a side table. "Still not thirsty," I said apologetically, "and I didn't have anything specific in mind. I kind of made the decision to come at the last minute." "Hmmm," he drained his Coke in a few gulps, then grabbed mine and drained it too , just as quickly. "Well, we could stay here and watch TV, or we can go on a hik e, or take a walk on the beach. That was fun the last time you were here!" He sm iled and raised his eyebrows suggestively. Any hope of hiding my blush was lost as I felt a new wave of redness wash over my face, remembering how I awkwardly t ried to flirt with Jake last spring to get him to share some of his tribe's secr et legends. "The beach sounds good," I said. I figured we might as well take advantage of th e nice weather while it was still here. "Let's go then," he set down the empty can and grabbed my hand to pull me along. Since we had all day, we decided to walk to the beach. "What have you been doing since we last saw each other, besides growing?" I aske d once we were on our way. I needed to get him talking before he could start ask ing questions, which were bound to be awkward. Absolutely everything I could pos sibly talk about involved Edward Cullen, and that was a subject I really wanted to avoid. "You noticed, huh?" Jake seemed pleased. "I'm not blind. You've had quite the growth spurt." Jake scowled a bit. "Yeah, it's kind of a pain. I have to keep buying new clothes and shoes. Money t hat would be better spent on car parts. But if you like what you see maybe it wa s all worth it," he winked at me and I blushed again. Apparently Jake's self-con fidence had grown along with his muscles. I ignored the innuendo. "How is your car coming?" I asked instead.

"Not bad, considering. I'm hoping to be done with it by my 16th birthday so I ca n drive it legally after I get my license." "That's awesome, Jake," I was genuinely excited for him. "Good luck! I'll expect to be one of the first passengers." His face lit up. "Seriously? You got it! It's a date!" Oops. I hoped I didn't make a mistake there. Jake was a nice kid and a good frie nd, but he was way too young for me even if I was inclined to date anyone, which I definitely was not! Still, this was the kind of statement that would be bette r left alone for now. No sense bringing down the mood. Besides, Jake probably ha dn't meant it like that. We finally reached the beach. It was more difficult for me to walk in the sand, so we found a piece of driftwood that seemed designed for us to sit and talk. "So, what's up with you?" He asked. I looked down at my shoes, digging a hole in the sand. "Not much," I said noncommittally, just in case his question wasn't as pointed a s I suspected it was. "I heard your boyfriend and his family left town," apparently Jake couldn't take a hint. "Yeah. I guess news travels fast. Billy must be happy. He doesn't have to watch me anymore." Jake laughed, both of us remembering that awkward conversation at prom. "Dad has issues. He's so superstitious, believing in those old stories! But you' re right he was happy. Are you OK, though? You seemed really into him," his voic e was wistful, as if he hoped I would deny it. I shrugged. "I'll survive." I said, still looking down at the sand. I felt Jake's arm sneak around my and pull me closer to him. With anyone else I would have resisted, but with Jake it felt right just a comforting hug from a fr iend. We sat together for a long time without speaking before he finally broke t he silence. "Hate to see you hurting, Bella." I sighed. "It's no treat for me either, believe me. But I'm sure I'll get over it in time. I just wish I knew what happened. One day he loved me and the next he was telli ng me I wasn't good enough for him." Did I really just say that out loud? Ugh! W hat was it about Jake that made me confess my darkest secrets? "What?" Jake pulled away and pulled my face up to look at him. "Are you kidding me? That scuzzball actually had the nerve to say you weren't good enough for him ? Man, I wish he was still in town. I'd love to punch his lights out!" He cracke d his knuckles in what I'm sure was intended as a threatening manner. Of course, I knew Jake could never come close to actually hurting Edward, he with his supe rhuman strength and rock-like body, not to mention his speed and ability to fend off attacks simply by reading his opponents' minds. I was glad Edward wasn't ar ound. No confrontation between him and Jake could end well for my La Push friend . Still, I was flattered by the sentiment. "Thanks, Jake. I really appreciate the thought. But he's long gone and violence is not the answer anyway. Besides, you'd mess up my cunning plan. I think I mana ged to convince Charlie and everyone at school that our break-up was mutual. So mum's the word on what I told you today, OK?" "Sure, sure," Jake said, though he still looked like he was looking for a fight. I needed to distract him, so I stood up and suggested we go back to his house t o grab lunch and do some homework. The rest of the day with Jake was great. He was so easy to get along with and we spent time finishing our homework before we went to the garage where we talked while he worked on his car. We talked about his sisters, about Renee, about his friends on the reservation. Without even trying he re-oriented my thoughts away from anything connected with Edward. For a few hours Edward's prediction had com e true it was as if he'd never existed. When Charlie and Billy came back we all had dinner together and then we watched a game on TV. I wasn't really into the game, of course, but I enjoyed the evenin

g nevertheless. For some strange reason it felt like a family holiday, like Than ksgiving. I realized that Billy and Jacob were an extension of our family. They cared about me just as much as Charlie did. Billy had even tried to warn me abou t Edward. I knew he had been worried about worse pain than the one I felt now, b ut I couldn't help thinking that had I only listened to his advice last May, thi ngs might be very different now. As it was, now that Edward was out of the pictu re, we could all hang out together more frequently. The thought made me really h appy! Of course, as I suspected, those great feelings I had at Billy's house couldn't last forever. As soon as we came back home and I was in my room, alone, all of t he feelings of inadequacy and abandonment came rushing back in. I tried to chang e my mood by listening to loud, obnoxious music, but the volume couldn't drown o ut my self-doubt. I'd never known my body could produce so many tears, but I wep t the same way I had that very first night. Chapter 6: Training The next few days passed much in the same way. I tried to spend as little time a s possible in my bedroom, which never failed to make me feel sad. Otherwise, I j ust did my chores and homework, went to school and work, and generally tried to keep up my false front. I was super grateful to Angela. When I told her about my Mike problem, she quick ly solicited Ben's help and, between the two of them, there was absolutely never a time I was alone at school. When I wasn't working I did homework with Angela and Ben too. I felt awful intruding on all their alone time together, but Angela assured me it was fine and that she knew I would have done the same for her if our roles were reversed. Ben seemed happy to do whatever Angela wanted, so I wen t along selfishly, knowing this was exactly what I needed to keep me from thinki ng about Edward. Angela couldn't help me at work, but it was still the busy season, so I managed to avoid spending time alone with Mike. Sometimes I could see his frustration an d I felt badly for working so hard on foiling his plans. Mike was a good guy and he made me laugh, but I simply was not ready right now to consider him as anyth ing more than a friend. So while I was working I was the world's most attentive employee to all the customers and I made sure to leave as soon as my shifts were over, leaving no time for dangerous chit-chat. As the week wore on and Thursday was closer and closer, my level of nervousness increased. I was angry with myself for agreeing to see Jasper. Though I still cr ied myself to sleep nightly, I felt that I was making a bit of progress and I wo rried that seeing him and being in his house would bring back all sorts of unwel come memories. Still, I made a promise, and I owed it to him to at least make an effort once. If it turned out really badly I would simply tell him that I could n't come back. School really dragged on Thursday, giving me lots of time to get worked up about seeing Jasper. I remembered how uncomfortable I felt the last time I saw him an d how little we had in common. I really didn't know him at all. Other than those few days in Phoenix last spring, we barely even spoke to one another. He had al ways been polite with me, but also a bit withdrawn. I always had this feeling th at he was tolerating my presence to make Alice happy. To me, that was his single redeeming value. However he acted towards me, I knew that his universe revolved around keeping Alice safe and happy, and that counted for something. At lunch I let Angela and Ben know that I would not be joining them after school . Angela looked at me quizzically, but she must have seen something in my face t hat made her accept my decision without protest. Ben couldn't quite hide his exc itement at the prospect of an afternoon alone with Angela, which made me happier about my decision. After school I gathered up my books and headed out to my truck. I gave myself on e last mental pep-talk before driving out to Jasper's house. The front door opened as I was pulling up the drive, and Jasper walked out onto the porch. He wasn't smiling, exactly, but there was something in his face that made him look just a little more welcoming than last Friday. He was wearing a li

ght blue denim shirt tucked into a pair of black jeans and the outfit somehow ma de him look younger, more relaxed. He definitely doesn't look like grandpa Jaspe r, I thought, and giggled. As if in response, his face broke into a grin. Drat. I knew he couldn't read my mind, but his ability to read my emotions was almost worse. It was as if he could see right into my soul. I parked the truck, turned off the engine, and got out. "Hey, Jasper," I called, a bit of apprehension returning. His grin faltered. "Hey, Bella," he responded, "Glad you were able to make it. Come on in." As before, he entered the house well ahead of me, leaving that safety zone betwe en us. I followed and closed the door behind me. Inside, I was surprised to see the living room shades lifted. "Isn't that a little dangerous?" His eyebrow lifted in silent question. "I just mean, aren't you worried that someone will see that you're here?" "Not really," he said easily, "I can sense it if anyone is around and hide fairl y quickly. Besides, even if someone saw me, I'm an adult living in my parents' h ome. Nothing to cause anyone concern." "The truth is," he continued, "the curtains were there to keep just one person f rom seeing inside you. Once I made my decision to let you know I was here, they became superfluous." I considered this for a moment. So there was a time when he wasn't certain he wo uld let me know he was in here. I wondered how he made his decision, but this di dn't seem like the right time to ask. "Are you hungry or thirsty?" he asked. "I didn't want you to be uncomfortable so I got some human food." I followed his gaze to the kitchen, where the counter w as stocked with a variety of beverages and snacks. "What did you do, hold up a 7-11? There's enough food here to feed a football te am." He looked sheepish. "I didn't know what you liked so I wanted to get a good selection." I walked to the kitchen and looked through his purchases, grabbing a can of soda and a small bag of chips. "Thanks, Jasper," I smiled, "This was really thoughtful." He returned my smile with relief and pleasure, causing my smile to widened. It w as so cute how he went out of his way to make sure I was comfortable. And when h e smiled he really looked different kind of carefree. I found myself liking this happy Jasper. Then a thought struck me. "Wait a second. Did you go shopping for all this in Forks?" If he was seen around Forks my father would undoubtedly hear about it, not to me ntion Jessica and her mother, and there would be all sorts of questions. It coul d make things really messy! "No," he answered quickly, sensing the direction of my thoughts. "I went to Port Angeles." "Oh. You really didn't have to do that for me." "I wanted to. Plus the trip was part of my new training." "Training?" "Yeah . . . Would you like to sit?" I pulled out one of the kitchen bar counter stools and settled in. I opened my s oda and chips and had some of each. Jasper stood towards the other end of the ki tchen. "You were going to tell me about the training." I wasn't about to get distracted. He looked a bit uncomfortable. "I decided to work on improving my ability to interact with humans." I heard him, but I didn't understand. "You interacted with humans every day when you were in high school." "That was different. At school I was always with my family and they monitored my behavior," his tone left no doubt that he resented being monitored. As if reali zing he revealed too much, he quickly continued, "It was a great help. Between E dward and Alice's powers I always knew when to avoid particularly dangerous or t

empting situations, and Emmet could always step in if things went really wrong. . ." Like at the birthday party, I thought. I saw him look down and then back up at m e and I knew his thoughts just echoed mine. "But because the others are always around, it's been a long time since I've had any interactions with humans as an individual. So when everyone else left I deci ded to stay behind and see if I could handle human contact on my own," his eyes searched my face for understanding and I gladly gave it. I knew exactly how he f elt. "Edward always tried to shelter me as well. It was fine at first, flattering eve n. And let's face it, I am a disaster magnet, so some sheltering is not a bad th ing. But it was also a bit stifling at times, especially when he overreacted. My dad used to say 'you'll never really learn how to ride a bike until the trainin g wheels come off.' It's kind of like that. We can't learn if we're not allowed to make mistakes." There was genuine relief on his face. "It's not that I don't understand why they do it," he said. "In my case a mistak e would be fatal, at least for the human, and it would obviously have repercussi ons for our family." "Sure. I get that. Fortunately my mistakes only seem to bring harm to me, so it' s easier to argue for letting me make them, but still . . ." "Exactly!" We were both silent for a while. "Do they know you're in training?" I asked, then immediately felt foolish. "Alice probably had some visions, but we're deliberately not in contact. Though I'm sure she would let me know if she saw something really terrible happen." Of course Alice would have seen it all. Which means that the training will be a success! I wondered how long it would take for the training to be over for Jaspe r to return to the rest of the Cullens. I pushed that thought aside. I didn't re ally want to dwell on the fact that he was only here temporarily. He could never replace the empty hole left by Edward, but he was a member of Edward's family, a family I once hoped would become my family as well, and this was better than b eing completely alone. "So what exactly does your training involve?" I asked, curiously. He pulled the fingers of his right hand through his hair to get it out of his ey es and leaned back against the kitchen counter. I knew the mannerisms were for m y benefit it's not like he ever needed to change positions to be comfortable- bu t I appreciated him signaling to me that he was quite relaxed. "I thought I'd start with hunting daily and spending some time in public in Port Angeles. I went to the store," he gestured towards the snacks on the counter, " and to the library. The library was much easier fewer people, calmer emotions an d more distractions." "So you were able to hang out in Port Angeles without any slip-ups or urges?" "Not exactly." My head shot up in alarm. "I mean, there were no slip ups," I relaxed a little, "but there were definitely urges. Fortunately I wasn't thirsty, so I was able to stay in control. But I'm afraid my plan is going to take some time. As I go on I hope to build up my tole rance and go to busier places for longer periods of time. It won't happen overni ght, but it will happen." He was absolutely determined. "It sounds like a good plan," I said. I ate some more chips and drank more soda. "So am I part of the training too?" He smiled again. "Sort of. Interacting with you one on one in close proximity is good training, b ut mostly I just wanted to get to know you better, as a friend." I finished my chips and soda and pulled away from the counter to find the trash can. As soon as I closed the distance between us he stiffened and pulled himself up away from the counter, ready to spring in the opposite direction. I froze, u nderstanding that I breached some invisible boundary, placing both of us in dang er.

We eyed each other wearily for a moment and I started to feel ridiculous. This w as Jasper. He wouldn't hurt me. I just got too close and made him feel uncomfort able. No problem. I was used to dealing with this every time I got too close to Edward. Granted, the "safety zone" with Edward had been a lot smaller, but he ha d a lot of time to get used to being close to me. In any case, I knew exactly wh at I had to do. I just needed to re-establish the original zone and keep going. "Right. I'm just going to set these here," I reached to the kitchen counter behi nd me and deposited the empty can and bag there, "and we can throw them away lat er." I re-traced my steps backwards, keeping my eyes locked with Jasper's, hopin g I wouldn't trip over something on my way back to my seat. The whole thing felt like a weird ritual dance. Miraculously, I managed to stay upright and settled back on the stool. Jasper relaxed and leaned back against the counter. Everythin g was as if I hadn't moved at all. "Oops," I said apologetically, "I didn't mean to make you test your self-control like that. I'm sorry." "You don't have to apologize, Bella. I was fine. I just didn't want you to be un comfortable." I guess great minds really did think alike. "Let's just forget it happened, OK? Can I ask you a question? Please don't be of fended, but why do you want to be friends with me now? I never got the impressio n that you were particularly interested in being friends with me before." He grimaced. "Did anyone ever tell you that for a human with no special powers you're entirel y too perceptive." I laughed. "Sorry, Jasper, but I don't think I need superpowers or even be particularly per ceptive to notice that you never asked me any questions or spoke to me or even w anted to be in the same room with me. I mean, everyone else seemed to like me, e xcept Rosalie and you. I kind of figured out why Rosalie hated me, but I never k new with you. Was it because I tricked you in Phoenix?" As soon as the words came out I cringed internally. Why did I have to bring up t hat whole episode. What a downer. Way to kill a good conversation, Bella. Fortun ately, Jasper didn't seem as inclined as Edward to brood every time I mentioned anything even remotely related to James and Phoenix. "It's not that I wasn't interested in being your friend. It's just that for me r eal friendship always develops like this, through one-on-one conversations where you can really get to know someone. I knew that Edward and Alice were way overp rotective and would never let me be alone with you. They would be much too afrai d for your safety. So it was easier to convince myself that I wasn't interested in you at all, on any level, and to stay away from you altogether. That way no o ne had to watch me to make sure I didn't misbehave. "But I think that was a mistake," he continued. "Staying away from you actually made me more of a danger to you. I simply wasn't as used to your scent and the s ound of your heart and blood. That probably explains in part why my reaction to your paper cut was so much stronger than that of the others." I nodded in understanding and agreement. I was sure he was right on this point. "So now, without Alice and Edward around, we can try to be friends?" He nodded. "Assuming you want to, of course." "I think I would like that very much." Chapter 7: Friendship Once we established that we both wanted to be friends, the rest came easily. Jas per started asking me questions about my life before coming to Forks and I found myself telling him practically my whole life story. He was a good listener, ref raining from interrupting, letting the story unfold on its own. I was reminded o f the time Edward and I started to get to know each other, the endless stream of questions where I felt like a subject of a psychology experiment. This was tota lly different, much more comfortable. I wasn't worried at all about saying the w rong thing. I guessed it was because I wasn't in love with Jasper, and didn't fe

el like I had to impress him or measure up to some standard. I had just started telling Jasper about how Renee and Phil met when my eyes fell on the clock. I panicked. It was so late! Talking with Jasper was so enjoyable I completely lost all track of time, and now I would barely have enough time to get home and heat up leftovers for Charlie. Jasper sensed the change in my emoti ons." "Are you OK?" he asked, knowing I wasn't. "It's really late. I have to go." His face clouded over as he looked at the clock. "I'm sorry Jasper, but I really can't tell Charlie that you're back and I'm spen ding time here with you. He wouldn't understand. And I don't want to lie to him, so I have to get home before he does." I scrambled off the stool and walked quickly to the door. "Will you come back next week?" I heard him ask. He was trying to sound casual, but there was a hint of anxiety in his voice as well, as if he expected me to sa y no. "I'll be back, Jasper." I yelled over my shoulder, running to my truck. I hated to leave so abruptly, but there was no time to waste. As it was I was going to b e pushing my truck to the limit to beat Charlie home. I was lucky. Charlie was delayed at work so I had enough time to prepare dinner and didn't have to explain anything. After dinner I cleaned up and pulled out my books, settling down at the kitchen table to do my homework while Charlie watch ed TV in the living room. After a great afternoon with Jasper, I really did not want to go up to my depressing room. Charlie came into the kitchen to grab a beer and looked at me funny, but didn't say anything or ask any questions. I was done with my homework by 8 too early to go to bed even if I hadn't minded going upstairs. I chopped up some vegetables for a stew I was going to cook tomo rrow and wondered what to do next. Completely out of ideas, I went to the living room and joined Charlie on the couch. After a moment I moved closer to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. He looked at me in surprise. "Everything all right, Bella?" he asked. "Yeah, Dad. It's just . . ." I hesitated. How much could I tell him before he gu essed the truth? I decided to risk it. "I miss him." It was weird to talk about this with Charlie, but it was strangely comforting too. "Do you want to give him a call? Don't worry about the long distance charges . . ." I shook my head vehemently. "No!" I said, maybe a little too strongly. "I don't want to call him." And he de finitely does not want to hear from me. "Okay, Bells. I just wanted you to know you could." "Thanks." After a few minutes of silence, Charlie tried again. "What about this dating other people? Maybe that would help?" I looked at him glumly. "Not ready, yet, huh?" I shook my head He put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me to him. I didn't shift away from him, enjoying the physical contact. I realized that he, of all people, knew exa ctly what it was like to be left behind by someone he loved. As if sensing my th oughts, Charlie said. "It does get easier, Bells. Just give it some time." I nodded mutely. I knew he was right. He spoke from experience, after all. But i t didn't make it any less painful. Even though he had hurt me so badly, I was st ill in love with Edward Cullen, and I hated myself for it. I wanted to be strong er than that. I wanted to be able to forget him as he had clearly forgotten me. But my heart betrayed me. How would I ever be able to trust it again? And then I realized that maybe I never would. Maybe I was exactly like my dad, w ho had never gotten over his one true love. My mother had left him, saying horri ble things to him, then went on to date and eventually marry another man, and ye t he still loved her and wasn't able to move on. What if that was my destiny as

well? Forever pining for the perfect man I fell in love with, who felt I wasn't good enough for him. Only the fact that Charlie was sitting next to me helped me keep my composure. We sat together watching TV all night. Finally, when the news was over, Charlie stood up. "Time for bed, Bells. It's a school night." I didn't want to go to bed. I already knew how that was going to end and I was n ot eager to repeat the experience. "I'll stay up a little longer, Dad," I said. There's someone on Letterman that I really want to see." Charlie looked skeptical, but in the end he didn't argue. "All right, but make sure you get enough rest." "Definitely," I said. I wasn't at all interested in the TV program, but I kept it on to keep up the pr etense. Instead of watching, I went over my afternoon visit with Jasper. It was nothing like I had expected it to be and I was shocked to find that I actually h ad a good time. Surprisingly, it was almost as easy to talk with him as with Jak e and maybe even easier, because Jasper knew all about Edward and vampires. I di dn't have to hide anything from him. To think that we could have become friends long ago and had this great rapport the whole time Edward and I were dating. I f ound myself angry with Alice and Edward for being so overprotective. Maybe if th ey'd had more confidence in Jasper, all this nonsense with the paper cut could h ave been avoided and we all would still be together. I was tired and was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. But I definitely di d not want to go upstairs to cry. I grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over me, resting my head on a pillow. My eyelids felt heavier and heavier as I struggled to pay attention to the actor being interviewed on the s how. At some point, my battle with my eyelids was lost, and I drifted off to sle ep, no tears in sight! The next morning I woke up to Charlie gently shaking my shoulder. "Time to get ready for school, Bella," he said. I was still tired and groggy, but I roused myself enough to make it to the upsta irs bathroom. The shower woke me up completely and soon I was ready to go. I qui ckly put a hunk of meat into the slow cooker, along with the vegetables I had cu t the night before. Way to go, Bella, you must have some fortune teller in you! I had to work tonight, but this way dinner would be ready when Charlie came home . There wasn't enough time left for breakfast, so I grabbed a granola bar and he aded off to school. My morning classes passed quickly and before I knew it I was walking with Ben an d Angela to the cafeteria. We sat at our usual table filled with the rest of our friends. Everyone was excitedly talking about their weekend plans, but I tuned them out. I kept thinking about my afternoon yesterday with Jasper, how much fun it had been and how I hated to wait a whole week before seeing him again. I was so lost in thought that when I saw the faces of my friends looking at me expect antly, waiting for an answer, instead of asking them to repeat the question I ju st said, "Sure." The look of disbelief on Angela's face instantly alarmed me. Oh ho, Bella, what mess did you get yourself into now? I couldn't very well ask Angela at the lunch table, but as soon as the bell rang I pulled her over to the side. "What, Angela? What did I just agree to?" "You mean you don't know? You just answered even though you weren't paying atten tion? That wasn't very smart." Angela's disapproval was all too obvious. "I know, but I was lost in thought and I didn't want people to ask me what I had been thinking. I didn't think it was anything important." "It's not important, really. You just agreed to see a movie Saturday night with Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, Eric and Mike." I groaned. She couldn't be serious, yet I saw in her face that she very much was . "Oh, Angela, this is a disaster!" "I figured you might feel that way. I was all set to feed you an excuse, but the

n you just answered and there was nothing I could do." "Thanks for trying to look out for me. It's not your fault I'm such an idiot. I guess I just have to live with the consequences. Did they decide on what movie?" Angela named the title and explained that it was a romantic comedy. I groaned. T his was getting worse and worse! "Well," I said dejectedly, "What's done is done. I guess I have until tomorrow n ight to figure out how to deal with this. For now we'd better get to class befor e we're both late." I walked into the class just as the bell rang, earning a disapproving glance fro m the teacher. I slid into my seat, took out my book and notebook, and concentra ted on not looking around. I pulled my hair down around my face like a curtain t o further separate myself away from the other students. Mike was in this class a nd I suspected right now he would have a silly grin on his face that would only make me feel worse. This had been such a monumental mistake on my part. How could I let it happen af ter all these days of being so careful? At least it was a group outing and not a date, but considering the people involved I knew I would be miserable. Lauren h ad always hated me and Tyler had never forgiven me for what happened at last yea r's prom, even though none of that was my fault. Eric was pretty harmless on his own, but he tended to follow Tyler's lead and Jessica would most likely be mad at me for being paired up with her ex. That left exactly one person in my corner for the night, Mike, and that was the last person I wanted there. I knew he wou ld be polite, funny, nice, that he would step up to defend me if any of the othe r four tried to say anything to hurt my feelings, and I also knew that he would place much more significance on this outing than the rest of us would, possibly seeing it as a first step to a new level of relationship with me. I groaned. I n eeded to talk to someone about all this, to figure out what to do. I really need ed a friend, a guy friend, who would give me a different perspective; teach me h ow to walk that fine line where I could be friendly but not encouraging. I had c learly failed last year with Tyler, so I knew I needed help. I briefly considered driving out to La Push to talk to Jake, but he was too youn g and inexperienced. Talking to Ben was out of the question he was close with th e rest to the guys and I couldn't afford of that type of a conversation to get b ack to them. Jasper might have been helpful, but I wasn't going to see him until next week when it was too late. The bell rang and I realized I had been lost in my thoughts the entire class per iod. Terrific! Now I would need to borrow notes and find out the homework assign ment from someone. At least that part would be easy, since Ben was in the class with me. I made a mental note to call him tomorrow. For the rest of the afternoon I made sure I paid attention in class. I couldn't help but notice, more than once, that I had been right about Mike. In every clas s we had together his face was fixed with a permanent smile, and he kept trying to catch my eye. When our eyes did meet once, he winked at me, causing me to loo k away instantly and a blush to spread to my cheeks. Great. That would only rein force his wrong impression. Of course, I knew that the worst was still to come. A Friday evening shift at th e Newton's store. Even during a busy season Fridays were pretty light. Most of t hose inclined to buy outdoors gear would already be out enjoying the weekend. I would have to be extra creative to avoid Mike. For once my luck held. The store was slow, really slow, and Mike's mom was worki ng. Mrs. Newton may not have looked like she belonged in an outdoor outfitter st ore, but she watched the bottom like line a hawk. As soon as she realized how li ght the customer traffic was, she offered to let me have the night off. Ordinari ly my need to add to my college fund would have overridden my desire for a free evening, but today all I wanted was to get out of having to spend time alone wit h Mike. He looked absolutely crestfallen as I took his mother up on her offer an d made a beeline for my truck. I started driving without thinking, and it took me a couple of minutes to realiz e that I wasn't on my way home. Instead, I found myself pulling off the road ont o the drive that most people passed by without noticing, and driving up to the C

ullen house. I put my truck in park, but didn't get out. I wasn't sure what to do next. I had n't called ahead and Jasper wasn't expecting me today. What if he wasn't home? W hat if he was home, but didn't want to see me? What if he hadn't hunted? Indecis ion was gnawing at my insides. I should have just gone home. But you didn't go home, Bella, I silently argued with myself. You're here, so yo u might as well try to see him. What's the worst that can happen? I made sure I didn't answer that last question. The worst that could happen was no longer a po ssibility, I hoped. I turned off the ignition and opened the door. As if on cue, the front door to t he home opened as well. "Bella," Jasper said, "I'm glad you decided to stay." Chapter 8: Advice Jasper looked genuinely happy to see me and I realized I was thrilled to see him . Was it possible that we had only agreed to try to be friends yesterday? I felt like I was visiting someone I had known forever. I practically ran to the house, causing Jasper to laugh out loud. "Miss me that much, huh?" he teased. I noticed in passing that for once he didn' t go into the house first and he didn't shrink away from me when I passed him on the way in. "As a matter of fact I did," I said, surprising him and myself. "But don't get a big head," I quickly added. "It's just you're the only person I don't have to l ie to and this is the only place I can really be myself. Plus, I need your advic e." I turned back to look at him and noticed that he still left a few feet between u s. It was a smaller distance than yesterday, though, so he was clearly making pr ogress. I was really happy for him, knowing how much he needed to prove that he could exercise sufficient self-control on his own. His face was full of curiosity and he looked like he was about to ask a question when we both heard my stomach growl loudly. I suddenly remembered how little I ate at lunch as I was day dreaming about my last visit with him. The thought abs olutely mortified me, and I felt my entire face flush with embarrassment. "Snack time for the human?" he asked. My head snapped up in shock. It was the ph rasing that Edward had used all the time, and it brought a sudden flash of pain. I couldn't blame Jasper, though. He must have simply been repeating the words h e heard Edward use and didn't realize the impact they would have on me. "I guess so," I replied slowly and looked accusingly at my stomach, as if it was its fault I hadn't eaten properly today. "Sorry." "It's no problem, Bella. Hunger is a natural need for all of us. Help yourself," he motioned towards the junk food smorgasbord in the kitchen. I noticed that th e brand of soda and chips I chose the previous day had been re-stocked. "You went shopping again?" He nodded. "You didn't have to do that for me, Jasper. All the other stuff is fine." "I don't mind, Bella. Besides, it's part of the training, remember?" I did remember, but some part of me wanted to believe that he went back to the s tore to do something nice for me, not just to test his tolerance of humans. I didn't like the vain direction of my thoughts, and I needed to get to the reas on I came over in the first place, so I grabbed the soda and chips and headed fo r the living room. The subject of the conversation would be awkward enough, so I might as well make myself as comfy as I possibly could. Jasper followed me. Thi s time, however, he didn't sit in the chair on the other side of the room. Inste ad, he gracefully folded himself into a cross legged sitting position on the flo or, a few feet away from the sofa where I had settled down. "So what brings you here? I thought you were working tonight?" he asked while I ate my chips and drank the soda. I scrunched up my face in confusion. I didn't r emember telling him that I was working tonight, but then my memory was human and , by definition, imperfect. Maybe I had mentioned something yesterday, not that it really mattered.

"It was slow, so Mrs. Newton offered me a night off, and I really needed to talk to you, so I took her up on her offer." It was his turn to look confused. "You really needed to talk to me? What about?" he was slightly concerned. "Well, I did something really dumb today and now I have a big problem and I need some advice on how to handle it." He continued to look puzzled. "You did something dumb? Something human?" I nodded. He continued to look perplexed. "Let's see if I understand. This is a human problem?" "Yup." "And you need my advice?" "A-ha." "But Bella, you know I don't really do well with humans. I'm the last person on earth you should go to for advice on human matters." I sighed. "I'll admit you're not the ideal person for this, but I really need a guy's pers pective." The change in his demeanor was very subtle, almost imperceptible, but I could sw ear I saw him tense up a bit. "Why would you need advice from a guy's perspective?" he asked suspiciously. I couldn't expect him to help without knowing what happened, so I explained abou t being distracted at lunch and how I agreed to go to the movies with Mike witho ut realizing what I was doing. I omitted the cause of the distraction, as that w as hardly relevant. "So," he said slowly," you're going on a date with Mike Newton?" his voice was l ow and not at all friendly. "Isn't that a little too soon?" Okay, so maybe seeking dating advice form my ex-boyfriend's brother was not the best idea I ever had, but why did Jasper sound so mad? I didn't break up with Ed ward he's the one who didn't want me. And beside, it's not like I wanted to go o ut with Mike I was a victim of my perpetual bad luck! There was absolutely no re ason for the guilt that flooded my system upon hearing his words. "It's not like that," I snapped. "It's not a date, exactly. More like a group ou ting to a movie. We're going with Lauren, Tyler, Eric and Jessica." Again I sensed that nearly imperceptible shift in his demeanor, easing the tensi on I saw earlier. It reappeared just as quickly as it left. "So if it's not a date, what's the problem? Why do you need guy advice?" "It's not a date to me, but I have this bad feeling that Mike would like it to b e." "Yes," Jasper said quietly, "I'm sure you're right. He's wanted that from the fi rst moment he laid eyes on you." I looked at him sharply. I could only imagine what he had been able to feel from Mike that day and all the rest of my junior year. Of course even I, a non-empat h, knew Mike had liked me from the very start and had always hoped he could be m ore than a friend. "I know," I said, sadly, "But I never, ever did anything to encourage it. I made sure to never do anything that would make me look like more than a friend. And he has been a good friend throughout, even when I was dating Edward. So I really don't want to hurt him. I just don't know how to make it clear to him that I'm not ready for anything more right now." I saw another lightning flash of something across Jasper's face; something like disappointment or maybe pain? Before I could identify it, it was gone. "So how about it? Got any advice? How can I let a guy know that I like him as a friend, but nothing more, without crushing his ego and bruising that friendship? " I could see he was concentrating now. Probably scanning his endless memory banks for a similar situation, something that would be helpful. I watched as his frow n became deeper and deeper, until he finally looked directly into my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I wish I could help. I've never had to do what you're goin g to do. I've been with Alice for so long and before her . . . let's just say be

fore Alice I didn't have any reason to let anyone down gently." I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. What he said made perfect sense, but I was still disappointed. I don't know why I had been so certain that Jasper would be able to tell me exactly what to do. Clearly, though, this was n ot the right subject for him to advise on. The only consolation was that there r eally wasn't anyone else who would have fit the bill any better. I was on my own . "I suppose," he continued, and I looked at him in surprise, "that you have to ma ke sure you stay as far away from him as you can physically. I imagine his hormo nes will be raging after such a prolonged period of latent attraction, and it wi ll make it hard for him to keep his hands off you." I gasped. Whatever else he was or wasn't, Mike was a gentleman. He would never . . . "Relax, Bella. You don't need to defend his character. I didn't mean it like tha t. I know he would never do anything against your will, but he may try something without asking. Nothing too excessive or out of norm probably just a kiss. But that would make you uncomfortable and if you rejected him it would crush him, so it's best not to even give him the opportunity to try." "Um, OK. Keep a safe distance from Mike so there's no chance of kissing. Check. Got any other ideas?" "Sometimes you can disrupt a couples dynamic if you add another person into the mix. Is that a possibility? Could you invite someone else to go with you, to mak e the whole thing feel less like a triple date and more like a group?" I bit my lip anxiously. Jasper was on to something with this last idea. Inviting someone else might work, but who? "I could go with you, if you'd like," he offered, as if reading my mind. "In add ition to changing the dynamic I could calm Mike down if I felt him getting too . . . amorous." I couldn't suppress a smile at Jasper's choice of words. I figured I knew what o ther adjectives he had considered and rejected until he settles on the more neut ral choice. I thought about Jasper's offer. It made sense to have him with us. His power cou ld indeed prove quite useful. But was he ready for that kind of human exposure? He had only been training for a little while. He still didn't even feel comforta ble enough to sit next to me and we were g