Habit 5Habit 5Seek First to Seek First to Understand, Then to Understand, Then to be Understoodbe Understood**** Don’t forget, this curriculum is based on the 7 Habits of **** Don’t forget, this curriculum is based on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.Highly Effective Teens.

Self EvaluationSelf Evaluation

Poor

Aver-age

Great

Your best friend 1 2 3 4 5

Your parents/guardian 1 2 3 4 5

A team partner 1 2 3 4 5

A friend at school 1 2 3 4 5

A family member 1 2 3 4 5

Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 - how you think the following people would rate you as a listener:

ListeningListening

How did you do? How did you do?

What makes it easy to listen to another What makes it easy to listen to another person?person?

How do you feel when someone isn’t listening How do you feel when someone isn’t listening to you?to you?

How do you feel when someone IS listening to How do you feel when someone IS listening to you?you?

Please ListenPlease Listen

Share this poem from Share this poem from the 7 Habits book.the 7 Habits book.

Think about it. Have Think about it. Have you ever felt this way? you ever felt this way?

Do you think friends or Do you think friends or family have felt this family have felt this way?way?

Let’s learn how to be a Let’s learn how to be a GREAT listener.GREAT listener.

Five Poor Listening Five Poor Listening StylesStyles

Spacing Out – your mind is wandering to another Spacing Out – your mind is wandering to another placeplace

Pretend – you don’t pay much attention but throw in Pretend – you don’t pay much attention but throw in the occasional “yah” or “uh-huh”the occasional “yah” or “uh-huh”

Selective – you only hear worlds that click in your Selective – you only hear worlds that click in your own interestown interest

Word – you only listen to words, not tone, feeling or Word – you only listen to words, not tone, feeling or body languagebody language

Self-centered – you see everything from only your Self-centered – you see everything from only your point of viewpoint of view

Let’s See a Few In Let’s See a Few In ActionAction

Select two poor listening styles from the Select two poor listening styles from the previous slide.previous slide.

Have four volunteers pair up.Have four volunteers pair up.

Each pair will illustrate one of the selected Each pair will illustrate one of the selected poor listening style.poor listening style.

Have Fun!Have Fun!

Genuine ListeningGenuine Listening

You really have to listen to get inside another You really have to listen to get inside another person’s mind and heart. person’s mind and heart.

It’s standing in another person’s shoes.It’s standing in another person’s shoes.

It’s repeating back what others are saying.It’s repeating back what others are saying.

Remember – it’s not just the words:Remember – it’s not just the words: 7% is the words7% is the words 40% is the tone/feeling40% is the tone/feeling 53% is body language53% is body language

Please……Hear What Please……Hear What I’m Not SayingI’m Not Saying

No matter how hard people may appear on No matter how hard people may appear on the surface, most everyone is tender inside the surface, most everyone is tender inside and has a desperate need to be understood.and has a desperate need to be understood.

This is a great way to visualize this…….This is a great way to visualize this…….

Read aloud a page in 7 Habits (on next slide)Read aloud a page in 7 Habits (on next slide)

The Keys to Being a The Keys to Being a Good ListenerGood Listener

Genuine Listening – listening with your eyes, Genuine Listening – listening with your eyes, ears and heartears and heart

Empathy – understanding and identifying with Empathy – understanding and identifying with the feelings and emotions of anotherthe feelings and emotions of another

Kind – treating other people, animals and Kind – treating other people, animals and things wellthings well

Mirroring – repeating back in your own words Mirroring – repeating back in your own words what the other person is saying and feelingwhat the other person is saying and feeling

What else do you think What else do you think is important?is important?

Brainstorm a list of other things that make Brainstorm a list of other things that make good listeners.good listeners.

Add the four things from the previous slide.Add the four things from the previous slide.

You will need them for the next activity.You will need them for the next activity.

Next to this list – create a list of 6 topics you Next to this list – create a list of 6 topics you could discuss with just about anyone.could discuss with just about anyone.

Now…… It’s your turn.Now…… It’s your turn.

Get in groups of 3 (your advisor can decide Get in groups of 3 (your advisor can decide how that is done).how that is done).

Each person will have a role:Each person will have a role: 1 – talker1 – talker 2 – listener2 – listener 3 – observer3 – observer

You will rotate every two minutes.You will rotate every two minutes.

The StepsThe Steps

Does each person have a role?Does each person have a role?

Do you have a topic?Do you have a topic?

Ready…….break (talk for 2 minutes)Ready…….break (talk for 2 minutes)

StopStop

The observer reports how the two people did in The observer reports how the two people did in their role.their role.

Now we switch.Now we switch.

Continue this until each person has been in each Continue this until each person has been in each of the three roles.of the three roles.

Let’s try this for real.Let’s try this for real.

See how long you can keep eye contact with See how long you can keep eye contact with someone while they are talking to you.someone while they are talking to you.

Sometime this week, ask your parent, “How’s Sometime this week, ask your parent, “How’s it going?” Open your heart and practice it going?” Open your heart and practice genuine listening. You’ll be surprised by what genuine listening. You’ll be surprised by what you learn.you learn.

The next time you find yourself wanting to The next time you find yourself wanting to bury your feelings deep inside you, don’t do bury your feelings deep inside you, don’t do it. Instead, express them in a responsible it. Instead, express them in a responsible way.way.