ContentsLetter from the Editor

New Hometowns by Michael Cullinane

Odate InterviewsSelina Burton, Alicia Miller, and Anne Smith

Whining with Wilson and Shackin' Up with SchechnerAn Advice Column by Steven Wilson and Grant Schechner

What I've Learned in JapanMatt Kuehl and Juliette Riddle

Of People and PandasPat Costello

Crossword Puzzle AnswersMelissa Dawe

Hanabi StaffMichael Cullinane, EditorRyan Bailey, Page LayoutMichael Sammler, IllustratorRenaud Davies, PrinterCasey Kuester, Printer

All artwork created by Michael Sammler

Photography provided by person photographed.

Letter from the editor:New Hometowns

This time of year is marked with a feeling of transition. As many existing ALTsare saying good-bye to their unique JET experiences, many brand new ALTs arenervously beginning theirs. Many others, like me, are watching it all unfold as webegin our second, third, fourth, or fifth year. Though my present position israther comfortable, I’ve come to understand how emotional the ALT experienceis by observing other people’s reactions.

In order to capture the feeling of saying good-bye, we will include the “What I’veLearned in Japan” section. The idea for this came from Esquire magazine whichfeatures a “What I’ve Learned” portion in each issue. Two of our former AkitaALTs, Matt Kuehl and Juliette Riddle, did an amazing job putting theirsentimentality and sage wisdom on paper.

We’ll also be introducing an advice column that can offer some insight to theneophytes. Grant and Steven will take questions from the Akita ALTs in order tohelp them with their daily grinds. Please don’t hesitate to send a question theirway for future issues.

As the new editor of the Hanabi, my goal is to bring creativity, humor, andinsight to these pages. I also plan on featuring a different city in the prefecturewith each issue. Normally, I’ll be traveling to a different city to hang out and geta lay of the land. For this issue, Odate will be the featured city. It’s amazing howquickly I’ve come to consider Odate home.

The concept of a “new hometown” is an interesting one. For me, home hasalways been on the little suburban street where I grew up. Of course, I’d alsoreferred to the many apartments I’ve inhabited as “home” as well. But, inmoving to Japan, I became a little surprised at considering Odate my home.After some months, it stopped being a novelty and became a city that I becameproud of calling my own.

I hope the Akita JETs have the opportunity to visit other JETs new hometownsthrough the duration of their stay in Japan. Some of my favorite memories havebeen driving to Yuzawa, Akita City, Takanosu, and many other places. I’malways appreciative of the hospitality within the community and hope that this

year’s Hanabi could encourage it further. This issue (The Odate Issue) willhopefully encourage all of you to make the trek up north for some good timeswith some good people.

I’ve spent more time in various bars than is probably healthy, but I’d be hardpressed to say that one stands out to me as much as my favorite Odate bar,Sloppy Joe’s. I can go on any given night and have amazing drinks, awesomesnacks, good conversation with people eager to talk to me (even with my awfulJapanese), and great music. Sloppy Joes has a small stage and welcomes anyoneto play guitar, ukulele, or piano for the patrons. Though I hadn’t played beforean audience much before coming to Japan, I was welcomed to work through setsof cover songs that were totally unfamiliar to the Japanese crowd. The bar alsohosts “Sloppy Nights” where everyone in the community is able to play threesongs. The level of support and crowd enthusiasm is astonishing. I always finishmy mistake-laden, half-drunken set with a huge grin on my face.

So please come to Odate and to Sloppy Joes for a night out! You can check itout on the website: http://sloppy.halfmoon.jp/gamelan/

I hope all the new Akita JETs get off to a great start in their respective newhometowns!

Michael Cullinane

The

Voice of the People: Odate Interviews

Selina Burton

Best place to eat?Flamingo: this place is cool and stylish! And the food is delicious. It's a

great place to relax and enjoy the extensive selection of cakes, teas andcoffee.

Best place to have a drink?Sloppy Joe’s; it’s always lively and entertaining.

Best place to see some nature?A nice walk along the river is very therapeutic.

What does Odate have that other parts of Akita don’t?It has the famous Hachiko statue! There’s also a Yamaya for delicious foreign foods. We have a

Max Value that stocks tortillas, and of course we also have a lovely bunch of people!

What’s your favorite Odate karaoke jam?Hmmm.... “Wake Me up Before You Go-Go” by Wham!. Such a happy song.

Alicia Miller

Best place to eat?Flamingo. It provides delicious food, good coffee, and nicedesserts. The atmosphere feels like a cafe in a big city. It is also a greatplace for parties as we have recently discovered.

Best place to have a drink?Beer-tei is a chill place to go. You can choose from a variety of beer

from different countries all around the world along with freshly popped popcorn. If you arefeeling daring, try the roulette challenge—a plate of food with one “lucky” piece drowned intabasco!

Best place to see some nature?Nagane-yama. A nice, steep climb up the mountain is rewarded with an absolutely beautiful viewof Odate.

What does Odate have that other parts of Akita don’t?One Day Chef. Do you want to be a chef and run your own restaurant for the day? One DayChef provides that option. You can reserve a day to cook and sell any kind of food you like. Itmakes a great party space for singing “We are the World”, dance parties, BMX shows, andperformances by the umbrella brothers.

What’s your favorite Odate karaoke jam?“Party in the Odate” (sung to the tune of “Party in the USA”).

Anne Smith

Best place to eat?Waraku definitely has the best tonkatsu in Akita. Every month,they offer one of their menu items at a discounted price. It’s soyummy, I'm getting hungry just typing about it!

Best place to have a drink?There’s a place called The Pier Ledge where a beer garden was just put in the adjoining openlot. There's also those "classic" bar games going on, like dominoes, the balloon game, and happycups. Come get a case of the meat sweats at the Pier Ledge!

Best place to see some nature?The resevoir, or "the rez" has a running path, an amazing view of the whole city, and a rez-sidepicnic pavilion. There are also several hiking trails surrounding it.

What does Odate have that other parts of Akita don’t?Heart-kun!!! We’ve got Jesse, Alicia, Selina, Mike, and a man named Joe Mori Joe.

What’s your favorite Odate karaoke jam?My favorite karaoke jam is not limited to location. It's: “Dancing Queen”/”I Wanna Dance WithSomebody” on +3tempo and “Twist and Shout” (sung by Matt Kuehl or Mike Haley). I like ahappy song that gets people up and dancing.

Akita Advice

Shackin’ Up WithSchechner

And Whining withWilson

Question One:I’m irritable!People are alwaystelling me that I’m

too irritable, and it’s maybe a little bit true. I’m usually in a crabby mood. I tend to letlittle things bother me, but I’m trying to change.

The other day, this social studies teacher sitting at the desk next to me was sipping hiscoffee really loudly. Like, he was taking these epic sips that practically made my deskshake. I couldn’t concentrate on the Facebook conversation I was having, so I askedhim to quiet down (I even used my Japanese!). He stopped sipping loudly, but then hestarted coughing like crazy. And he hasn’t stopped for like three days. I’m losing mymind.

Maybe it’s me. I think I need to chill out, but the stuff that used to roll off my shouldersseems to really get to me in Japan. What should I do to mellow out?

Xoxo,

--Needs a Chill Pill

SUWS: You are definitely letting thesmall things get to you too much, ChillPill. It seems to me you have biggerthings to worry about than being able toFacebook chat at school. You should trygetting to know your students a little bit!I mean what are you doing on Facebookat school anyway? Study the language,watch different classes, play with yourkids at recess, or strike up a conversationwith Mr. Epic Sip McCough. You leftwherever you came from to come toJapan. That’s stressful enough, but on topof that you have a new job and a new life.I can see why the little things would get toyou so quickly. But having said that, youshould focus on creating new connectionsand relationships that benefit your life inJapan rather than trying to maintain theones you left. They’ll be there when youget home. Your co-workers may also endup taking you to some sweet local bars forgood beer and food. So, try running,drinking, taking a hot bath, whatever youneed to. Also if the guy just is naturallythat irritating, go to the library. 87% ofthe time the libraries at my schools areempty and blissfully quiet. Give it a shot,Chill Pill!

WWW: Funny you should ask thisbecause I had this same exact problem!The maintenance man at one of myelementary schools was slurping like apack of teenagers at a 7/11. It bugged thehell out of me! It was honestly likelistening to a gorilla at afternoon teatime.But, Chill Pill, you seriously told him toquiet down? That’s a big no-no rightthere. I bet it just made him even angrierand caused him to attack that o-cha like awhirlin’ dervish! Instead of channelingyour rage through polite (read:ineffective) Japanese, you should havedone what I usually do withaforementioned annoying slurpymaintenance man—do the online-whine.The first time I was willing to cut himsome slack, but after the tenth or eleventhtime I just gave up and tore him a newone in a Facebook status update. Ofcourse, I added some angry vitriol oninstant messenger. Do you remember thestages of culture-shock they taught us atJET Orientation? Of course you do… Myadvice to you? STAGE TWO all over theplace, Chill Pill!

Question Two: I’m getting fat!

Oh my God, I’m totally getting fat! I couldn’t believe it this morning. This skirt that Iwear ALL THE TIME in the summer—I pulled it out of my closet, excited to break itout for the season. The thing wouldn’t even button shut. I looked in the mirror andrealized that I’d become a total whale in Japan. Guys, what should I do?

I think the problem is all the drinking partiesthat I go to. People really like me at work,and they always want me to go out eatingand drinking with them. So, I eat tons offried foods or ramen and drink myself into abeer-bloated behemoth! I can’t stop becauseit’s so fun, and everyone would be totally shNormally, I cook healthy food for myself, butcan’t control my calories.

Guys, I need some help. I definitely can’t stoyou can’t turn down food and beer in Japan. Hlifestyle?

Love you guys!

--Slim at Heart

SUWS: Slim, it’s dangerous to look like awhale in Japan. Get up early in themorning and run! There’s absolutely noway you’re going to stop gaining weight ifyou don’t change your current lifestyle insome way. I know, trust me when I saythis, that drinking is fun (God, I love it!),but sometimes even I reduce the juice.How can you afford to do that every night?I’m not saying to completely stop goingout, but it doesn’t have to be all the time.Go to the gym! You’ll at least get someexercise, and you might meet some newfriends to eat dank (delicious) food with.The main thing is you’ll be gettingexercise. Now get your butt in gear andback down to size. Good luck andremember you can’t have your cake andeat it too, unless you want to stay fat!

WgiwnerefewnoluticthyosuthmhuicCbe

“…you can’t have yourcake and eat it too, unlessyou want to stay fat!”

Schechner

ocked if I stopped going out with them.since I’m going out almost every night, I

p going out, and everybody knows thatow can I stay slim while maintaining this

WW: Whoa, whoa, whoa… slow down,rl! Whoever said that a couple extra kilosas a bad thing? OBVIOUSLY, you’vever settled down into a dysfunctionallationship with a chubby chaser or aeder. Those dudes would kill to scoreith a hot meal ticket like you, Slim! Whyt just embrace it? In your beautifullyscious state you can write your ownket! Insecure feeders want you! Oneing though, are you sure that none ofur coworkers are feeders? Because itre sounds like at least one of them is—at’s probably why you’re growing thatuffin top. Figure out who he is andnker down together with a big bowl of

e cream. Just remember that, likehristina Aguilera sang, you’reautiful…ly fat.

Question Three: I’m dating a Japanese woman(?)!

Hey guys! You won’t believe it! My dreams have come true! I am dating a Japanesewoman! I think. I mean, it seems like we’re sort of dating. We go to restaurantstogether and, things are usually pretty daijoubu between us. I get to renshu my nihongo,and she always tells me “gambatte”.

The problem is, I don’t know the etiquette on dating a Japanese girl. I always pay forthe dinner and drinks, and she’s always grateful and stuff, but, shouldn’t she offer oncein a while? I mean, I’m teaching her about my home country, and then I’m paying for it.And at the end of the night, we have these real awkward hugs. I’m no onnanohito’sman, but I feel like we should at least have kissed after twenty-some dates. I tried tokiss her once, but she said she had a naze.

Help me guys! I know you both are well-versed in the ways of the woman—what can Ido to woo this shrew?

Desperatelii Sabishii

SUWS: If you wanna woo this shrewHere’s what you gotta do.Don’t play the foolAnd stop paying for foodYou came to Shex to initiateI’ll hand you the solutions on a plateAs in problem solved on a silver platterI’m gonna help you to fix this matterPull your girl aside with what’s on yourmindIt’s good you getting in the renshu butremember dude，some girls just don’t let out the mushuIt doesn’t have to be an endJust settle on a friendsuckas can’t always win, cause after allthat’s what I doNo matter what I come through.Holmes, you’re a gaijinYou could hook up with any bijinIf you aint getting sex just chill out man,no need to vex.If you disagree, best change your specsCause guess what bro, you just shacked upwith Shex!

WWW: It’s a good thing I’ve got mylibrary card ‘cause I’m checking you out.But seriously though, it sounds like you’renot having too much luck with the ladies.FYI, Desperatelii, usually Japanese girlshave gaijin-homing capabilities like aballistic missile. Your opportunities areseriously abundant, so you obviously mustbe doing something terribly wrong. Butyou know what? I’m gay. And I have NOidea how you breeders do things. I say,just give up. Why not take a dip into thewiiiiiiild side? I’m single and desperatetoo. Wanna play tummy taiko? Reply backwith your stats ASAP please.

PS – I have a passion for glow sticks,crappy rave techno, angel wings, meshtank tops, and macramé micro jean shorts.You should too.

Please submit all future questions to akitahanabi@gmail.comThe guys are here to help!

What I’ve Learned in Japan

#1 Matt KuehlBefore I came to Akita, I spent a lot of nightsand weekends lurking on theithinkimlost.com forums. I never postedanything, but I read hundreds of horror storiesabout living and working in Japan. It made mescared. However, I soon realized that Ishouldn’t be taking a whole lot of advice fromJETs who spend their nights and weekends inJapan posting on JET forums read by lurkers.

I hate it when someone sees a Japanese person do something really rude or odd, likespitting, and then deduces, “Well, apparently spitting is acceptable in this culture.” Thereare just as many weirdoes in Japan as there are in your home country. You wouldn’t like itif people made conclusions about your country based on bad 90’s movies… You say somepeople already do that? See. Pretty freaking irritating.

I have never regretted seeing a sunrise after a night out. Plus, the sun rises here at like 4AM; there is plenty of time left to sleep.

If you are ever in a situation where your co-workers are trying to get you to hit on the cuteteacher, and you don’t want to do it, a good response is, “In English, we have the idiom‘don’t dip your pen in the company ink.’” That answer leaves no one embarrassed andyou’ll get a lot of street cred. The phrase can be modified appropriately for those that don’thave “pens.”

Sometimes a hostess bar is just a synonym for “grass roots internationalization.”

Before you start complaining about how unmotivated your students are to learn English,just remember how much of that foreign language you remember from your four semestersof it in high school.

Karaoke Lesson number 1: Karaoke is not about singing well, it’s about singing awesome.

There is a 90% chance that if you start a blog about Japan, you will fail to update it inabout three weeks. Keep a daily journal with bullets or short paragraphs about your day,though. These little, seemingly non-descript triggers will be priceless to you someday. (Iuse my JET diary.)

Yokote yakisoba is not just yakisoba with an egg on it. Trust me. Convincing nativeAkita people of this opinion it is not is a battle you can win.

The ALTs are a great support network for living in Akita. They are kind, welcoming,and generous: beware of the potent mixed drinks at the Halloween party.

Fruit is expensive here. But don’t complain about it if you have just purchased your 4th or5th nutrient deficient 600 yen beer.

Everyone is going to have instances when they feel down about their job. I rememberone particular time when I was feeling a sense of futility and lack of purpose as an ALT.Around that time, I was correcting a bunch of essays about students’ favorite memoriesfrom junior high school, and one student wrote, “My favorite memory was the school playwith Matt sensei.” I knew it was genuine because every other student just copied theexample about school trips. Authentic moments of appreciation won’t come as often as theyshould, but it they are important nonetheless.

Karaoke Lesson number 2: I don’t like to admit this, but any karaoke session can be madebetter with Lady Gaga.

If you have the opportunity, volunteer at an adult Eikaiwa. One of my most fun Englishlessons I taught in Japan was to an adult English conversation class about the differencebetween a muffin top, ponch, and beer belly. You won’t find that lesson in New Horizon.

I know this one isn’t very witty, but don’t going swimming at Akita’s beaches after Obon.A rather large migration of jelly fish occurs here around August 15th.

Some people don’t eat certain foods for religious reasons. Some people don’t eat certainfoods for ethical reasons. But not eating certain foods because they sound gross is a stupidexcuse. Because really, eating horse is just like eating a really fast cow.

If you are ever at a nijikai (round 2 of an enkai) and you need something to talk about,toilets are a good conversations starter. Remember, it’s like the famous children book says:everybody poops.

Karaoke Lesson number 3: You’ll never be as good as Pat and me at karaoke. We got a26.4 “calories burned rating” at karaoke. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

Hostels and hotels are great places to stay while you are traveling, but don’t forgetabout sleeping at internet cafes. They are convenient, cheap, open 24 hours, and oftenproduce great stories. One of my best memories during one of my road trips in Japan wasthe night I slept underneath an internet café desk. (Bonus: they often have free soft creammachines).

Don’t live in regret. But if you do, make friends who will drive across the country to helpyou get revenge.

#2 Juliette RiddleThe first hour of the first Spring morningholds enough warmth to erase six months ofthe cold and gray melancholy of winter. ByApril, I had completely forgotten how much Ihate the cold, and I would gladly live throughit again just to experience the first day ofspring one more time.

Sometimes, the best friendships are the onesyou do not choose.

Japan will teach you the art of patience: patience with teachers, patience with students,patience with myself, and above all, patience with computers from 1982.

Tears of happiness and tears of sadness are, at times, the same tears.

It’s true, you cannot beat Matt and Pat at karaoke. But, I guarantee they can’t rockOutkast like Mel and me.

Memories cannot be packed, but they are the most precious things I am bringing home.

Always open closed doors. When I passed by a darkened clothes store in my tiny inakatown and heard East Coast hip-hop blasting from within, I thought, is this meant for me?Yes, that door was meant for me.

Leaving the city I lived in for 16 years was hard. Leaving the city I lived in for 1 year isdamn near devastating. Making a home in Japan was easier and more rewarding than Ithought it would be.

On a day off, I planned to go to the waterfall onsen I desperately wanted to see. When astudent texted me wanting to practice English, the only option was spending time with mystudent. Some decisions are easy to make, and waterfalls are not as cool as eager students.

I learned how to pay with cash. I have been credit card dependant since I was 18 years old.Paying with cash is strangely liberating. But, it is a little frustrating if you’re out at 3 AMand have no cash, but just ordered another round of beer. Lesson: plan ahead.

I have seen many sunsets and sunrises since I have been in Japan. All of them wereimpressive and beautiful, but the details that I remember most are the faces of the friends Ishared them with.

There were times that I wanted nothing more than to sit in my apartment and read. I amthankful for the friends who wouldn’t let me.

Heaven can be found at the bottom of a bowl of Daigen miso ramen.

Not being able to speak the language may be a hindrance, but it isn’t a barrier. I have beenon mind-blowing dates, bartended in a Japanese bar, and spent quality time with mystudents with nothing but the most basic Japanese. It can be done, and it is worth castingaside any shyness and fear you may have.

Just like sakura, all good things do, in fact, come to an end. Lesson: Eat. Drink. Bemerry. Enjoy the moments you’re given.

Crossword Puzzle AnswersMelissa Dawe

Of People andPandasby Pat Costello

Let me tell you how much I hate Dave Spector. How much you ask? A lot. On manyoccasions people have tried to call me out on this, claiming that I’m just jealous that hisJapanese is so much better than mine. This is both true and false. I’ll be the first to admitthat his Japanese is much better than mine. However, I have many good friends withamazing Japanese that haven’t caused a seething hatred like I have for this clown.

I hate Dave Spector for a whole host of other reasons. If there was ever a guy who sold hissoul to the devil lurking in the basement of NHK, it’s this guy. I’m sure you’ve seen himfloating around on various TV shows like a ghostly apparition of gaijin stereotypes. He isoften a guest on variety shows, or offers a gaijin point of view at roundtable discussions.He’s recognizable because of his blond hair though his ethnicity is ambiguous. I had seenhim frequently on TV, and had always heard people talking smack about him. However,my own personal knowledge about him was lacking, so I turned to the sage wisdom ofWikipedia to cure my ignorance.

His first job in Japanese TV was a bit part in some TV drama back in the early 80’s. Hesays he was being mistreated by the crew and production team, and instead of taking it likemost gaijin would have, he stood up for himself. Supposedly, it set him apart, and thedirector gave him a speaking role for showing his big brass balls. With his new “bad-assgaijin” street-cred in hand, he bleached his hair, put in some color contacts, and went out toget a ton of pancakes (cash) for becoming the token gaijin.

He readily admits that the Japanese media tries to portray gaijin as “pandas” (those cute,cuddly, docile things you see in zoos). Pandas don’t belong in Japan, nor could theysurvive if not fed and tended to by their masters. A panda couldn’t take a job from anequally qualified Japanese person or dominate a native Japanese sport like sumo. Pandasneed not be feared or respected. However, Spector doesn’t care about the effect thismindset has on other foreigners throughout the nation; he says that he’d gladly lowerhimself further for the amount they pay him, “like a sloth or something.”

After taking all of this in, I took a hard look at myself. I am from Baltimore, a dangerouscity with a high crime rate. I’m don’t lie to Japanese people and say that we have bi-weekly

hug festivals, and the worst thing that ever happened was a dog farting sunshine andHershey kisses. I’ve been held up a few times, some of them at gun-point. We have moremurders in a few months than the entire country of Japan has in a year. Our public schoolsare crap and they aren’t getting any better. But that is just my circumstance, so I try tobalance things out. I also discuss my childhood on a horse farm in rural Maryland that waseven more inaka than my current residence. I engage in discussions about sumo, linguistics,Japanese history, literature, and politics—hopefullyblending in to the culture.

I have had some moments that showed me how thatthis “panda” image can be problematic. For example,I’ve been asked plenty of times if I own a gun. “No, Idon’t have a gun” is often followed with, “but doesn’teveryone in America have a gun?” On more than a few occasions, I’m happy that at leastone other person within ear-shot asked that person if they knew how ridiculous that sounded.One time it was even followed up with the question, “Do Americans think everyone inJapan has a samurai sword?”

So what does this all have to do with Dave Spector? His nonsense is one of the reasonswhy we’re here. We’re all sent to our respective positions so that the general populace,who doesn’t have that many opportunities to interact with foreigners, can get their chance.Chances are there a lot of people you work with that don’t talk to foreigners other thanALTs. If the ALTs don’t make the effort then the only other place they’ll get their cultural“knowledge” is from TV (probably from Spector, Mr. Bean, or Full House). This wouldprobably be the equivalent of the majority of a nation’s population learning about EastAsian people from the Asian kid from the Goonies or Jackie Chan. (I’m not saying this isnot the case, I’m just saying it’s not good.)

Whether you’re here for 5 years, or 5 days, you’re going to make an impression. I hear theway my current teachers and other locals talk about the previous ALTs. It’s easy to tell whowas good and who wasn’t, who left an impression and who propagated a stereotype. Forthe sake of the people that will take over the new ALT spots: When you leave, try to kill asmany pandas as you can.

“Do Americans thinkeveryone in Japan has asamurai sword?”

Do you have something interesting to say?Do it in the Hanabi!

Submit your work or join the staff.akitahanabi@gmail.com

Express yourself:Stories, art, editorials, comics, poetry, crosswords, essaysSubmission Deadline for Fall Issue: September 22nd.