happy endings: cabin fever

7/29/2019 Happy Endings: Cabin Fever

1/31

HAPPY ENDINGS

"Cabin Fever"

written by

Jessica Johnson

1902 W. School Street, Apt. 2Chicago, IL 60657630-341-5377


2/31

COLD OPEN

FADE IN:

INT. PENNY & ALEX'S CONDO - NIGHT (NIGHT 1)1 1

Everyone is hanging out around the TV, drinking wine andeating snacks. Penny enters from the kitchen with a freshbottle, already pouring it into her glass.

PENNYThanks so much for coming over guys,even with all that snow coming downoutside.

BRADYou know no flurries are gonna keep mefromThe Devil Wears Prada. It getsbetter every time.

DAVEWait, I thought we were watching PointBreak. I even wore my Patrick Swayze t-shirt.

PENNYYeah, Im gonna need you to turn thatbad boy inside out.

JANEPenny, what's going on?

PENNYI might have fibbed a teeny, tiny bitabout the movie night line-up.

BRADNo Meryl?

DAVENo Johnny Utah?

PENNYThey might, sort of, kind of be

foreign films.

Everyone lets out a horrified gasp.

MAXYou know reading makes me sleepy.

HAPPY ENDINGS "Cabin Fever" 1.

(CONTINUED)


3/31

PENNYNo, you all have to stay and help mewoo Claire.

DAVEWho's Claire.

ALEXShe just moved in next door. Penny'sconvinced she's going to be our newbest friend.

PENNYShe's just what we need. She's prettybut not so pretty that I feelthreatened. She's smart but not a know-it-all. Plus, you know I've alwayswanted a friend named Claire eversince my adolescent obsession with My

So-Called Life.

MAXPen, please do not go down this roadagain.

PENNYWhat road?

JANEThat one where you try too hard andyou push the person away and then theyget a restraining order on you.

PENNYThat only happened one and a halftimes. This is totally different. I'mnot overdoing it this time, I swear.

EXT. CLAIRE'S DOORWAY - DAY - FLASHBACK2 2

Penny is waiting at the door when CLAIRE (attractive, 20s)answers it.

PENNY

Hi! Welcome to the 'hood. I'm Penny. Ilive next door. Some of your mail gotdelivered to us by accident so Ithought I'd just bring it on by. Plus,I also printed out this littleinsider's guide to the area.

Penny produces a fat, three-ring binder


CONTINUED:1 1

(CONTINUED)


4/31

PENNY (CONTD)It's nothing much, just some infoabout local restaurants, shops and acollection of quick bios on some ofyour other new neighbors. Spoileralert: Mrs. Parker from across the

street is having an affair with herhusband's acupuncturist. So, tell meabout yourself. What's your favoritecolor? Do you have any food allergies?What are your lifelong aspirations? Weshould get dinner. Do you like Thai?

Claire is a deer in headlights.

INT. PENNY & ALEX'S CONDO - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT 1)3 3

PENNYYou guys have to help me. I want her

to see how cultured and intelligent weare.

MAXYou realize neither one of those wordsdescribes us, right?

PENNYShe said she might show up a littlelate and we should start without her.

BRADAlright, let's get this over with.

Penny cues up the film and sits down.

DAVEWhat's this thing even called?

PENNYI don't know. It had a picture of abirthday cake on the cover, though.

The movie just gets going and already everyone looks totallylost. Max is, as promised, dosing off.

BRADWhy do the words move so fast?

FADE OUT.

END OF COLD OPEN


CONTINUED:2 2


5/31

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. PENNY & ALEX'S CONDO - DAY (DAY 2)4 4

Penny, Brad, Jane, Max and Dave are all exactly where we leftthem, having slept there the whole night. Jane is the firstto wake up.

JANEWhat the?

She swats Brad who wakes the start.

BRADBitch, it is

(checks his watch, shocked)8:30?!

Their commotion has roused Dave and Penny. Max is stillfighting to remain asleep.

JANEHow long have we been asleep? Have Igrown a mustache? Whos President?

PENNYWhere's Claire? Did she come?

DAVEUnless she was going to be impressedby our buffet of snoring, I think it'sprobably best that she was a no-show.

BRADThey should prescribe that movie toinsomniacs. I haven't slept that goodin years and this couch isn't evencomfy.

Alex comes down the stairs.

ALEX

You know, I was nice enough not towake you guys last night when thepower went out, you think you could dothe same for me.

PENNYTheres no power? No coffee?


(CONTINUED)


6/31

JANEAl, why didn't you wake us? You know Iget shaky when I don't spend a nightin my own bed.

ALEX

You all looked so peaceful. Plus, Ifigured with all that snow outside youwouldnt be able to get home anyway.

BRADPlease, this is Chicago. We can handlea little snow.

Brad goes to the window and looks outside. There's at leasteight feet of snow on the ground.

BRAD (CONTD)Snowmageddon!

At the sound of this word, Max's eyes pop open and he runs tothe window with a child-like glee.

MAXSnow! Snow! Snow!

PENNYOh, no.

JANEBrad, we're leaving. Right now.

PENNYHow are you going to get home throughthat? Its impossible. You have tostay.

ALEXCan you even tell which one of thosewhite lumpy things outside is yourcar?

JANEIts fine. We can take public

transportation.

DAVEPlease, when was the last time yourode a train?


CONTINUED:4 4

(CONTINUED)


7/31

JANEI just so happen to carry a transitmap in my purse for emergencies suchas these.

After a bit of digging, Jane produces a horribly shabby map

from her purse. Penny takes a look at it.

PENNYThat's from 2005.

JANEI'm sure it'll be fine. How often dothese things change anyway?

MAXBrad you can't leave! You'll misscrazy blizzard fun time!

BRADJane. Do we have to go?

JANEYes.

PENNYPlease don't leave me. He's going totear my condo apart. You know how hegets.

DAVEPenny, I can help. I've gotten prettygood at managing Max.

JANEThere, see. Dave will handle it.Youll be fine.

PENNYAre you kidding Dave's a rookie. He'snot capable of handling this. I need apro!

JANE

Nope. Sorry, Im retired. Gotta go.Bye.

Jane grabs Brad and heads out the door.

EXT. PENNY & ALEX'S STOOP - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)5 5

Brad and Jane emerge from the condo, Jane still clutching theold transit map.


CONTINUED: (2)4 4

(CONTINUED)


8/31

BRADI can't believe you just bailed onthem like that.

JANEI am not taking responsibility for Max

during this blizzard. Ive done thelast five, its time for someone elseto take the reins. Besides, I'mwearing clothes that have been on mefor over 24 hours and if I think aboutthat fact for much longer I may beginto hyperventilate. We have to get homeand we have to do it fast.

BRADAlright, it's gonna be fine. You'vegot the map. Which way are we going?

Jane turns the map a few times until she finally figures itout and points down the street.

JANEThis way to the subway!

INT. PENNY & ALEX'S CONDO (KITCHEN) - LATER (DAY 2)6 6

Penny pulls Alex close, trying very hard to be as quiet aspossible.

PENNYWe have to be prepared.

ALEXFor what?

PENNYFor crazy blizzard fun time.

ALEXThat sounds awesome!

PENNYNo, Al. Max goes crazy without the

pacifying power of the television todistract him and if we aren't careful,he will tear our beautiful home toshreds.

ALEXWhat do you want me to do?


CONTINUED:5 5

(CONTINUED)


9/31

PENNYYou and Jane came from the same womb.Is it possible you picked up any spareOCD genes or did she gobble them allup?

ALEXI did just finish alphabetizing mysock drawer.

PENNYNot exactly what I was looking for butits something. See if you candistract him for a bit while I come upwith a better plan.

Alex heads off towards Max as Dave approaches, havingoverheard part of this conversation.

DAVEAlex, really? Put me in, Coach. I cantotally handle Max. I can play the bigleagues. We've been living togetherfor a long time now.

PENNYI've seen your living room. It's anew, gross, boy living room and I don'twant any of that in my pretty, girlycondo. This snowstorm has given me achance to impress Claire with my kind,caring neighborly ways. I cant bepreoccupied with Max's destructiveantics right now.

DAVEWait are you saying that just becauseI'm a guy, I can't be organized?

PENNYNo, I'm saying that because you're aguy, you can't help but be incrediblygross. It's not your fault, its inyour nature.

DAVEWell, I guess I have no choice but togive in to my baser needs and desiresand get into the crazy blizzard funtime spirit with my man friend overthere.

Dave heads back towards Max.


CONTINUED:6 6

(CONTINUED)


10/31

PENNYOh no. Dave. Stop. Dont do this!

DAVE (O.S.)Hey, Max. What do you say we play thatgame you love where you cover your

hands in maple syrup and see whatsticks to them?

PENNYNo! Alex, help me! No maple syrup!

INT. SUBWAY PLATFORM - LATER (DAY 2)7 7

Brad and Jane head down onto the platform. Jane begins tohyperventilate the further she goes.

BRADJane, honey, what's wrong?

JANEI don't know if I can do this. Closeconfined spaces. Public seating. Doyou have any idea how infrequentlythey clean those cars?

BRADNo.

JANENo one does!

BRADIt's going to be fine. A train willcome, we'll get on it and before youknow it, you'll be home with yourfresh clothes, your scented bath saltsand your trusty loofah. You canexfoliate it all away and forget itever happened.

JANE(calming down)

You're right. It'll be a nice, short

ride. I'm sure everyone's home becauseof the blizzard, anyway.

A train pulls up and the car in front of them is packed tothe gills, causing Jane's eyes to bug out of her skull.

BRADJust think of your loofah, honey.


CONTINUED: (2)6 6

(CONTINUED)


11/31

JANE(zen)

Loofah.

Brad takes her by the hand and they cram into the train car.The doors slide closed and their faces are pushed up against

the glass, looking horrified.

INT. PENNY & ALEX'S CONDO (KITCHEN) - LATER (DAY 2)8 8

Max and Dave are stationed at the fridge. They've alreadytaken a bunch of stuff out and placed it on the counter. Alexis watching, not really participating or stopping it. Pennyenters, horrified.

PENNYAlex! How did you let this happen?

ALEX

Dave said we should make sure to eateverything in the fridge because, withthe power out, we don't want it to allgo bad.

MAXAnd I'm awesome at eating.

DAVEHe's the best.

PENNYOr we could just put it out back inthe snow what with the nice, coldfridge of outside.

DAVEOh yeah. Why didn't I think of that?It must be because I'm a dirty, sloppymanchild.

MAXCan I still eat this tub of sourcream?

PENNYAl, can you please attempt to keepthem in line? I'm trying to puttogether a blizzard care package forClaire.


CONTINUED:7 7

(CONTINUED)


12/31

ALEXSure. I was thinking we could makethese balloon rocket things I used todo with the kids a baby-sat for inhigh school.

PENNYDo you perhaps know of any indooractivities that don't include the word"rocket?"

ALEXBouncing raisins?

PENNYI'll take it.

INT. PACKED SUBWAY CAR - LATER (DAY 2)9 9

Brad and Jane are pressed tight against the doors of thetrain.

TRAIN ANNOUNCERStanding passengers, please do notlean against the doors.

JANEIs that thing kidding?

Brad shifts his head enough to see through the window intothe car next to theirs. It is completely empty.

BRADJane.

JANEYeah?

BRADAt the next stop, be ready to jumpout.

JANEWhat?

BRADTheres no one in the car next to us.If we move fast enough, we can makeit.

JANEOkay.


CONTINUED:8 8

(CONTINUED)


13/31

The train begins to slow.

BRADYou ready?

JANE

Ready.

As the doors open they half run, half fall out of the car.

INT. STINKY SUBWAY CAR - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)10 10

The doors close just as Brad and Jane inhale their firstbreath in the new, empty car. It's beyond foul and theyimmediately begin dry heaving.

JANEOh my god, what is that smell?!?

BRADIt's burning my eyes! I cant see!

JANELet us out! Please, let us out!

They pound on the doors as the train moves away from thestation.

INT. PENNY & ALEX'S CONDO - LATER (DAY 2)11 11

Max and Dave seem to be sufficiently distracted by Alex'sraisin experiment. Penny is heading towards the door with afancy-looking box in her arms.

ALEXHey, where are you going?

PENNYI'm just going to take this to Claire.You seem like you've got things undercontrol here.

ALEXCan I come with you?

PENNYAnd leave them alone? Are you crazy?

ALEXThey're fine. They're having fun.She's my neighbor, too. I want to meether.


CONTINUED:9 9

(CONTINUED)


14/31

PENNYOkay, you can stay for five minutes,but then you have to come back here,no matter what.

ALEX

Deal.

EXT. CLAIRE'S DOORWAY - A LITTLE LATER (DAY 2)12 12

Claire opens the door to a pleasantly smiling Alex and a far-too-eager Penny.

CLAIREOh, it's you again.

PENNYHi, we were worried about youweathering your first Chicago

snowstorm on your own so I puttogether this personal blizzard carepackage just for you.

Claire takes the box from Penny.

CLAIREI'm actually from Minnesota, butthanks.

(to Alex)Who are you?

ALEXI'm Alex. I'm Penny's roommate.

CLAIREYou look familiar. Do you run thatlittle boutique downtown?

ALEXYes! I do!

CLAIREIve passed by. It looks so adorable.

ALEXThanks! You should come in some time.I'll give you a new neighbor discount.

Penny is silently fuming at Alex.

CLAIREThat's so sweet.


CONTINUED:11 11

(CONTINUED)


15/31

PENNYYeah. That's Alex. She's a sweetheart.

INT. PENNY & ALEX'S CONDO - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)13 13

Penny and Alex are returning from Claire's. Max and Dave are

nowhere to be found.

PENNYDid you have to keep talking aboutyour store?

ALEXShe brought it up. I was just tryingto be polite.

PENNYDid you have to be that pol Wait.Where are they?

A CRASH comes from upstairs.

DAVE (O.S.)Take that!

MAX (O.S.)I'll never surrender!

PENNYOh, no.

Penny and Alex run up the stairs.

INT. PENNY & ALEX'S HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)14 14

Max and Dave have stationed themselves in Penny and Alex'sbedrooms, fortified the doorways with pillows and blanketsand are currently chucking the girls' childhood stuffedanimals across the hallway at each other.

As Penny and Alex enter, Max is lobbing a fluffy bunny atDave's head.

PENNY

Mr. Longears!

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE


CONTINUED:12 12


16/31

ACT TWO

INT. STINKY SUBWAY CAR - DAY (DAY 2)15 15

Brad and Jane are attempting to breathe through their scarvesto avoid the toxic air. Its not helping.

Brad checks the transit map, trying to plan their escape.

JANEWhy did I let you talk me into this?

BRADMe? This was your idea!

JANEBut I was having doubts and youconvinced me to ignore them and nowthis smell will be lodged in my nose

until the end of time.

BRADI walked out on crazy blizzard funtime for you.

JANEOh, please. Max will put on a funnyhat, run around in circle for an hourand pass out for the rest of the day.Its not like its anything we haventseen before.

BRADLook, theres no point in fightingabout this now. We have to focus ongetting out of here before thenosebleeds set in. If we can hold outfor one more stop, this says we cantransfer to a different train fromthere and that should take us home.

JANEOne more stop. Okay, thats no so bad.I think I can do that. Piece of cake.

With that, the train suddenly stops and the lights go out.

JANE (CONTD)No.

BRADSeriously?!?


(CONTINUED)


17/31

JANEWait. I smell smoke. Brad, do yousmell smoke?

BRADI dont think Ill be able to smell

anything ever again.

JANEI definitely smell smoke.

TRAIN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)Your attention please. This train isexperiencing an equipment problem.Your operator is off the train for afew minutes working to correct theproblem. We hope to be moving shortly.

JANE

No. Tell him to get back on the train,dammit! I have a date with a loofahand a pound of scented bath salts!

BRADYoure right. I think I smell smoke.

JANEI told you.

TRAIN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)Please remain calm. The train is noton fire.

JANEOh my God. The train is on fire. Thetrain is. On. Fire! Someone save us!Please!

BRADHelp! HELP!

INT. PENNY'S ROOM - LATER (DAY 2)16 16

Penny is attempting to clean up the pillows and stuffed

animals that are strewn about her room while Max sits in hercloset, trying on her shoes. He shows off a brightly coloredpump.

MAXDo these flatter my calves?


CONTINUED:15 15

(CONTINUED)


18/31

PENNYMax, I need you to leave this roomright now because the very thoughtthat you fit into my shoes, let alonethat they look better on you than me,may cause me to begin sobbing

uncontrollably.

MAXBut Penny, you love playing dragqueen.

PENNYI preferred it when you were raidingJanes closet.

MAXWell, I could try Als but yourwardrobe matches my coloring better.

Were both summers.

PENNY(clutching Mr. Longears)

Max I will shove this fluffy bunnywhere the sun doesnt shine if youdont get out of here right now.

Max gets up to leave, still wearing the heels.

MAXMean Penny is mean.

PENNYAnd take off my shoes!

As he exits Max kicks the shoes off behind him.

INT. PENNY & ALEX'S CONDO (KITCHEN) - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)17 17

Alex and Dave are eating out of a melty container of icecream that got left on the counter as Max enters.

MAXI dont think Pennys in the crazy

blizzard fun time spirit, guys.

ALEXShes distracted by all this Clairebusiness. Its like shes beenpossessed by an NPR listener.


CONTINUED:16 16

(CONTINUED)


19/31

DAVEYou guys get a new neighbor andsuddenly we arent we good enough forher anymore?

ALEX

Yeah! I mean Claire did have reallynice hair and a great laugh and thesesweet little dimples and did I tellyou she liked my store?

DAVEOnly every time you speak.

ALEXShe liked my store.

MAXThis is making me sad, guys. I think

Im gonna nap on the couch until Imhappy again.

DAVENo way, Max. Weve gotta keep going.Crazy blizzard fun time hasnt evenstarted.

MAXI know, but Penny is usually my musein chaos. Without her, Im havingtrouble hitting my stride.

DAVEYou dont need her. You can be yourown muse. Just think back. Rememberhow much fun you had during the lastblizzard?

INT. JANE & BRADS APARTMENT - DAY - FLASHBACK18 18

The apartment looks like its been hit by a bomb.

Max is running around in circles holding lit sparklers inboth his hands, while wearing a matching hat and skirt suit

from Janes closet.

Jane is attempting to calm him down while Penny, Dave andBrad just sit and watch the commotion. Alex, meanwhile, ispassed out on the floor cuddling with an empty carton of icecream, dead to the world.


CONTINUED:17 17

(CONTINUED)


20/31

JANEMax! Stop it right now. Im warningyou!

Max gets the sparkler too close to his head, causing the hatto catch fire. Jane calmly but urgently walks towards the

kitchen in response.

DAVEShould we be helping?

PENNYAre you kidding? This cant get anybetter.

BRADDont worry, shes got this.

Jane emerges from the kitchen, relaxed and brandishing a fire

extinguisher. She turns it on Max, snuffing out the flaminghat and sparklers, drenching him in white foam and catchingAlex in the face, who remains asleep.

BRAD (CONTD)Are we sure shes not dead?

JANEShell be fine.

INT. PENNY & ALEXS CONDO (KITCHEN) - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)19 19

MAXI do like fire.

ALEXDid you soak that hat in gasoline?

DAVEMax, you are capable of so much more.I have faith in you. We can come upsomething even better.

MAXThat foam didnt taste like whipped

cream at all.

ALEXOooh, whipped cream!

Alex springs from her seat with inspiration.


CONTINUED:18 18


21/31

INT. STINKY SUBWAY CAR - LATER (DAY 2)20 20

The lights suddenly come on and the train begins movingagain.

BRAD

Were saved!

JANEOh, thank God.

TRAIN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)This is Belmont. Doors open on theright at Belmont.

Brad and Jane stand anxiously at the doors, ready to jump outat the first possible moment.

BRAD

I cant wait to taste the sweet subwayplatform air.

JANEBrad, look! Theres another train.Its the transfer!

BRADIf we run, we can make it.

The train slows as it enters the station. The doors open andthey cant get out of the car fast enough.

INT. EXPRESS SUBWAY CAR - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)21 21

As they rush into the car, Brad and Jane inhale deeply andslump down into a seat as the doors close, relieved.

TRAIN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)This train is going express to Howard.

Their eyes bulge as the train departs the station.

JANEWhat?!?

BRADThats not the right direction is it?

JANENo! Why does that stupid train voicehate us? What did we ever do to it?


(CONTINUED)


22/31

BRADWheres Howard? Is that in Wisconsin?

JANEI smell like train stank and Im nevergoing to see my loofah again!

Jane breaks into tears as Brad realizes that everyone on thesubway car is staring at them. They have become the crazypeople on the train.

BRADIts been a rough day.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO


CONTINUED:21 21


23/31

ACT THREE

INT. PENNY & ALEXS CONDO - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)22 22

Max and Dave have upturned Pennys coffee table and aretesting its sled capabilities as Penny comes down the stairs,

looking defeated. Rather than freak out, she takes one lookat them and begins walking to the door. Alex enters from thekitchen, holding a can of whipped cream in hand.

ALEXPenny, where are you going? Max andDave want go sledding and Im makingice cream sundaes.

PENNYAway. I have to go away.

She walks out the door.

ALEXPenny, you forgot your coat!

MAXI dont think this table is rated forChicago snowbanks.

DAVEWe could try the one in the diningroom.

ALEXGuys I found whipped cream!

MAXSolid Plan B.

EXT. CLAIRES DOORWAY - A LITTLE LATER (DAY 2)23 23

Claire answers the door and tries not to look exasperatedwhen she sees Penny standing there.

PENNY(desperate)

Look, I know I can come on a littlestrong but you seem like a cool ladyand maybe if we just spend a littletime together, youll see that I canbe pretty awesome. So, what do yousay? You want to spend some qualitysnow day time together and get to knowone another?


(CONTINUED)


24/31

CLAIRE(giving in)

I have to admit, while you do seem alittle intense, youre the only personwho seems to even notice I moved in.

PENNYI am a keen observer of detail.

CLAIREIve been crawling the walls a bitsince the power went out. So, I mayregret this but sure, lets do it.

PENNYReally? Yay! We are going to have somuch fun!

Penny advances, as if to head into Claires condo.

CLAIREWould you mind, terribly, if we go toyour place? Im still unpacking andthings are a bit of mess.

PENNYMy place?

CLAIREIs that problem? Im not quite up tohostess status yet, if you know what Imean.

PENNYI do. Totally. See, the thing is,Alex You met Alex: blonde, spacey,loves to hear herself talk. She hassome people over right now.

CLAIREOh. Well, we could do it some othertime.

PENNY

No, dont be ridiculous. Theyrelovely, charming, sophisticatedpeople. Why dont you just let mecheck on them and make sure were notinterrupting any deep, philosophicalconversations.


CONTINUED:23 23

(CONTINUED)


25/31

CLAIRESure. I should probably freshen up abit anyway. I think I smell like acardboard box.

PENNY

Im sure thats not true.(takes a whiff, it is)

Nope. Youre right.

CLAIREHow about I come over in about fiveminutes?

PENNYFive minutes. That sounds... like...more than enough time.

CLAIRE

Okay. Ill see you in a bit, then.

Claire shuts the door. The moment its closed Penny boltsback to her place as fast as she can.


Penny bursts through the door.

PENNYAlright, you all have five minutes tomake this place look the way it usedto. Im laying down the law. I dontwant to see any pillows, melty icecream containers, coffee table sleds

A whiff of smoke goes past Pennys face, forcing her tocough. She looks down and sees Max, Dave and Alex toastingmarshmallows in the fireplace as the condo fills with smoke.

PENNY (CONTD)Whats happening here?

DAVEAlex ate all the ice cream and we

found marshmallows.

ALEXYou want a smore?

MAXDave reminded me that fire was fun.

Dave just smiles at Penny as her brain explodes.


CONTINUED: (2)23 23


26/31

INT. EXPRESS SUBWAY CAR - LATER (DAY 2)25 25

Brad and Jane have fallen asleep against each other, lookinghorribly disheveled. The train begins to slow and Bradrouses.

BRADJane, wake up. Its stopping.

JANE(tired and defeated)

What?

BRADWe can get off?

JANE(hopeful)

Really? Where?

BRADDoes it matter?

JANENo.

The train comes to a stop and the doors open.

TRAIN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)Thank you for riding the CTA.

JANEBite me.

INT. SUBWAY PLATFORM - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)26 26

Brad and Jane emerge from the subway car, happy to be free.They pause and look around, realizing where they are.

JANEIsnt this where we started?

BRADWe went in a circle.

JANEShould we try to find another wayhome?

BRADI dont know about you, but I thinkcrazy blizzard fun time is just whatwe need right now.


(CONTINUED)


27/31

JANEScrew the loofah. Lets go.

As they head towards the exit, a HUSBAND and WIFE, lookinghappy, hopeful and just like Brad and Jane might have beforethe transit horror, arrive on the platform. Jane stops them.

JANE (CONTD)Turn back. Save yourselves.

INT. PENNY & ALEXS CONDO - LATER (DAY 2)27 27

Penny is desperately trying to air out the condo, openingwindows and fanning all the smoke.

PENNYWhat is wrong with you people?

Max emerges from the kitchen and begins a new project of

finger-painting on the wall with condiments. Alex and Davefollow, carrying additional jars and containers.

ALEXMax, I found that old fancy mustard wenever use. You want that?

(off his painting)Oh, is that supposed to be Penny?

Max nods as Penny turns at the sound of her name.

PENNYWhat are you doing?!?

DAVEIts crazy blizzard fun time.

PENNYStop saying that like its an excuse!This is my home! I have a guest comingover! I want it to look nice. Is thatso wrong?

MAXIs it wrong that you care more about

impressing your new maybe friend thanhaving fun with your old ones?

Before she can answer, Brad and Jane return and Penny isrelieved to see them.

PENNYYes! Thank you!


CONTINUED:26 26

(CONTINUED)


28/31

DAVEWhat happened to you guys?

BRADDont ask.

JANEWhats going on here?

PENNYThey tried to light my living room onfire and now Max is drawing on mywalls with food.

ALEXChutney is food?

JANEOooh, that sounds fun!

Jane grabs one of the jars from Alex and joins Max.

PENNYJane? No. Thats not No. This isntwhat happens.

BRADYou got any sriracha?

PENNYEveryone stop!

Surprisingly, they all do, staring at her.

PENNY (CONTD)Look at what youre doing to my home.Why? Why would you do this to me?

MAXPen, this is what we do.

PENNYBut its crazy. Why cant we just playboard games like normal people?

MAXPenny, you hate board games and youlike crazy.

BRADYou love it, actually.


CONTINUED:27 27

(CONTINUED)


29/31

DAVEYoure crazier than most of us.

JANEYou made a collage out of Monopolymoney on my bathroom wall during the

last blizzard.

The sound of the DOORBELL sends a jolt through Penny. Shehesitates, taking a last look at her friends before headingto the door.

I/E. PENNY & ALEXS DOORWAY - CONTINUOUS (DAY 2)28 28

Penny opens the door a small amount, trying to hide whatsinside and finds Claire, smiling and clutching a TrivialPursuit box.

CLAIRE

You mentioned that some other peoplewere here. I thought maybe we couldplay a game.

With this, Penny opens the door fully, revealing her friendsand their condiment wall artwork.

PENNYWhat are your thoughts on fingerpainting?

Claire looks on stunned and, without saying a word, runsaway. Penny shuts the door.


Penny turns around to face her friends.

PENNYUgh! What a snob! Pass me the ketchup.Im gonna brighten up this bad boy.

MAXPennys back!

PENNYCrazy blizzard fun time!

And with that, Penny joins her tribe, painting on the wall.


CONTINUED: (2)27 27

(CONTINUED)


30/31

Suddenly, the lights and television turn on as the powerreturns but the gang is perfectly entertained by theirmakeshift art project.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE


CONTINUED:29 29


31/31

TAG

INT. PENNY & ALEXS CONDO - NIGHT (NIGHT 2)30 30

Penny and Alex are on the couch, attempting to watch thebirthday cake foreign film.

PENNYSo, is it the guy in the hatsbirthday?

ALEXI dont think so. I think he made thecake. It looked like he had flour onhis shirt.

PENNYIm not so sure that was flour. Oh,its gotta be that girls. Shes all

happy and wearing a party dress.

ALEXAre you sure this isnt a wedding?

PENNYWait, did she just poison her mom? Itsounded like she said poison.

ALEXNo I think it was fish. She fishedher mom. Isnt that what it said?

PENNYWhy do the words go by so fast? How amI supposed to know what anybodyssaying?

ALEXWhere is the damn birthday cake,already?

FADE OUT.

END OF SHOW


happy endings: cabin fever

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