how to be less shy when meeting new people

7/27/2019 How to Be Less Shy When Meeting New People

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How to be less shy when meeting new people

1 of 7by Rachel Pictor Roberts

Meeting new people can be a terrifying experience even confident individuals sometimes fall prey to the dry mouth and sweaty palms that precede parties and other social events! The good news is that by following these tips and getting somepractice you will feel less shy when meeting new people. Theres no magic wand butyou can improve!

Small talk

For many shy people its the idea of making conversation that scares them most. Prolonged social interactions can feel like walking through a minefield and awkward silences are called that for a reason! If youre worried you wont have anything to say when meeting someone new then think about neutral subjects that can startconversations. The art of small talk is all about finding common ground with newpeople and getting to know them.

Subjects that are generally considered acceptable include: the weather, news andcurrent affairs, the food/decor/entertainment (if youre at a wedding or other or

ganised event) and generic work comments such as thank goodness its Friday!

Once you start making small talk you can learn more about the person youre speaking to and hopefully find things in common such as a dry sense of humour or interest in animals. Even if you dont find anything in common theres no need to panic,youre not aiming to be their new best friend!

Eye contact

Good news! Meeting new people isnt just about talking. Eye contact is a great wayto build rapport and will help you read peoples faces for social cues. Being able to judge your new acquaintances facial expression is very useful you will knowif your joke didnt quite hit the mark and when it is time to leave the conversat

ion!

You dont have to stare just a glance or two will help. Catch their eye and smileat a joke or light hearted comment.

Top tip: If meeting their gaze is just too scary, look at the top of their noseright between the eyes instead. This gives the impression that you are meeting their gaze without the agonising feeling that they are looking into your soul!

You can also use the top of the nose as a progression point. From this point onthe face you can gradually train yourself to look people in the eye properly. Ifyou practise this it will feel less awkward and become a natural habit.

Handshakes

Nowadays it is common to shake someones hand when youre meeting them for the firsttime. Add a smile and look them in the eyes while youre doing this. Think of itas the holy trinity of body language; a look, a smile, a firm handshake. If yourpalms are sweaty, dont mention it. The other person will notice and understand without forming a negative opinion of you.

Once youve shaken hands, smiled and made eye contact youll probably have made a pretty good first impression. The new acquaintance is happy and ready to talk to y



ou, so get your small talk going!

Special events

Even people who are comfortable striking up random conversations can balk at theidea of a big party or formal social gathering. Humans are social animals but that doesnt mean we automatically feel comfortable with large numbers of new people!

Its easy to get overwhelmed but if you can keep a sense of perspective it shouldhelp you feel less shy.

How long is your event? Two hours? A whole evening? Put it in context with the rest of your life and say to yourself, its only x hours out of my entire life! Repeat this mantra until calm.

If you dont think you can last the whole evening then prearrange a slightly earlier departure time with your date.

Who are you with? Are you a plus one? Is your partner or best friend accompanying you? If possible, its best to bring someone you know and trust to special events. They can support you in your efforts to make small talk and provide a reassuring smile when you feel the tension mounting.

Theyre also useful for telling you how well youre doing, laughing at your jokes and complimenting you on your outfit! Little confidence boosters make socialisingso much easier.

Are you ready? Its a good idea to make sure you prepare for the event properly. Check and double check the dress code. Take a pride in your appearance and plan your evening.

That way you wont be distracted by worrying about your shoes, hair or whether youll be able to get a taxi at the right time.

Avoid embarrassment

You cant guard against every potentially embarrassing situation or mishap but youcan make life easier for yourself by setting a drinking rule.

Know your limits and stick to them! I would advise a maximum of two alcoholic beverages per event. A little alcohol can ease nerves and help you settle but its very easy to overdo it! Slurring your small talk or zoning out mid-conversation is no way to make a good impression!

Practise really does make perfect

Socialising is like everything else in life you have to learn how to do it and the more you practise the easier it becomes! For many people, shyness can seem like an insurmountable obstacle but it shouldnt put you off socialising altogether.

When youre getting ready for your next party or other social event remember thatthe aim of the occasion is for people to enjoy themselves. There is no real pressure to work the room and you can do as much or as little socialising as you wish.As long as you are polite, friendly and suitably attired then you have every right to be there and enjoy yourself. Dont let shyness get in the way of your social life. Remember these tips, get out there and practise!

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2 of 7by Matt Bird

Some people are outgoing, some people are not. For the outgoing ones, meeting new people is easy - just walk up, shake hands and start chatting away about... whatever. No problems whatsoever.

The shy ones? Not so much. No, these poor people suffer from an extremely commonsocial disability that prevents them from making connections easily. It's hardly debilitating, and once they start talking these people can be just as friendlyas everyone else.... it's just a matter of giving them that first kick throughthe door.

Here are some tips on how to be less shy when meeting new people. They won't completely remove the feelings of unease, but they'll certainly help.

- Learn, and learn quick, that every new face you meet belongs to just another person. With some rare exceptions they aren't going to tear your head off, horribly belittle your appearance or make fun of the way you talk. They may very wellbe as nervous as you, so just buck up, put on a smile and shake their hand.

- Get used to looking people in the eye. For whatever reason shyness prevents you from meeting another person's gaze, and that can prove rather awkward in socia

l situations. Assuming you have a friend who's sympathetic to your plight, try practicing with them until you're comfortable keeping your eyes on theirs. Once you've graduated from eye-matching kindergarten, move up to clerks at stores. Eventually you'll become accustomed to doing so with people you need to speak withmore extensively, paving the way for fewer shy encounters.

- Try meeting new people with a friend. Often it's the friend who's introducingyou anyway, and their presence will help break the ice by providing a bit of common ground. And, while talking with the person, that's what you should be looking for: common ground. Something you both share, no matter what it is, so the conversation can remain steady and friendly.

- Constantly remind yourself that you have something of value to contribute. Qui

te often shyness stems from low self-esteem, and in social situations a fear that you have nothing to say. That's probably not true. Puff up your chest and be proud of who you are (though not so much that you look like an egomaniac).

- Toss in your two cents in other situations where you have to face people. It'sone thing to talk with a single person; it's another to address a whole crowd.If you can ask a question in a meeting or give an answer in a classroom withoutbeing persecuted by your peers in any way, then surely you can have a brief chatwith a stranger.

- And, last, relax. Shyness is nerves. It's sweaty palms, tense muscles and rigid shoulders. Shake your body out a bit and take deep, calm breaths. A loose, easy posture will make you more inviting to strangers and the subsequent conversati

on will prove just as relaxing. If you find this difficult, consider classes tohelp control your temperament, such as Yoga.

Shyness will probably never go away, not completely. There will always be some small tinge of fear at the thought of meeting someone new. That said, you can ease the pressure by working at it steadily, and over time you'll find it less of acrippling debilitation and more a slight, momentary annoyance.

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3 of 7by Bridget Webber

Many people suffer from shyness when they meet someone new. Their palms can begin to sweat. They may stammer and stutter, and they may also experience an inwardpanic about what to say and how to act. Most commonly shy people worry that they may not make a good impression or interact sufficiently well to be liked. There are however, several effective ways shy people can become less nervous and more confident when meeting new people.

Shift of focus

People who are shy tend to dwell on how their own behaviour and personality willbe interpreted, leaving them little time to consider much about the people theymeet. Focusing on themselves and how well they will be received serves to exaggerate any worries they have and intensifies their shyness.

By shifting the focus on to who they meet shy people can lessen negative feelings and fearful reactive behaviour. Becoming interested in new people, asking themquestions about themselves and their interests, moves the social dynamic on to

a more even footing. The shy person, instead of being immersed in themselves, becomes genuinely interested in who they meet and that person can become engrossedin themselves on occasion too, taking the stress of expectation away from someone who is usually shy.

Role playing

Studies show us that we can become more like we want to be if we behave as if wealready are that way. For example, a shy person who behaves as if they are confident is more likely to be so than if they engage in shy behaviour and thoughts.It can be difficult to control negative thinking much of the time, but it is possible for a shy person to role play and imagine that they are the strong and confident person they wish to be.

By taking on the behaviour of a confident person, for example joining in conversations more often and becoming more outgoing, a shy person will automatically gain real confidence through experiences and end up being less nervous and fearfulof social interaction.

Goal setting

People tend to become less shy when meeting new people if they practice doing so. The prospect may be daunting, and fully immersing oneself socially may be toomuch, however, taking small steps towards engaging in new social interactions can help to increase a shy persons self esteem and lead to growing confidence.

The small steps taken may be as simple as setting the goal to talk to at least one stranger a day, perhaps in a supermarket queue or when waiting for public transport. As a shy persons confidence grows they may join in with more social events where they are likely to meet new people or branch out more within their ownsocial groups by behaving more confidently, so they are able to gain new interactive skills and higher self esteem.

Meeting new people need not be daunting for shy people if they concentrate moreon who they are meeting than they do on themselves. They can also behave as if they are fully confident until this new behaviour becomes second nature to them a



nd practice interacting successfully with other people.

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4 of 7by Sara W.

If there is a first-time meet and greet in your near future, there's no reason to sweat it. If you're one of those people who find their knees knocking or theirdeodorant miserably failing every time they even imagine shaking the hand of someone new, there is hope. With a new perspective and a bit of confidence, you can hold your head high the next time you walk into a room full of strangers.

Bring A Buddy

Whether it's a party, a wedding, or even a family reunion full of cousins you'venever met, you're probably always welcome to bring a friend. If the invitationis formal, you may need to ask your host for permission, but rarely will there be an event that won't allow you to bring your best bud. Having a close confidantby your side will ease you into any new environment, and will make meeting newpeople much less terrifying.

Sport Your Best Traits

When most people think about meeting others for the first time, they usually focus on the traits that they least like about themselves. It's natural for us to assume that those traits will be the first thing that others notice, too. But let's face it, no one is perfect. Rather than obsessing about your complexion or fussing about your bad haircut, only think about your favorite traits. You feel attractive when you smile, so smile a lot! You look your best in this pair of jeans or that dress, so wear it! Any little thing to boost your confidence goes a long way.

Remember the Spider

You know what your mom always said about spiders? "He's more afraid of you thanyou are of him." If you had a nickel for each time you've heard that phrase, you'd be rich, right? Well, the same is true for new introductions. You're probablythinking, "Oh my gosh, I hope he doesn't notice the giant zit on my nose!" Butin reality, your new acquaintance won't ever even notice your zit because he's thinking, "I desperately need a Tic-Tac!"

Focus Outward

Lastly, now that you're confident about your best features and equipped with theknowledge that your new intro is just as paranoid as you, the final phase is toforget about yourself. Yeah, this sounds completely contradictory to your goal,but it's not. Here's why. When you are totally self-centered and only focused o

n yourself, it shows. When you are morbidly afraid of what others think, it affects your behavior, making you awkward to be around and quite unattractive. The most attractive people are those who ultimately don't care what anyone thinks about them.

Remember some of your most comfortable first-time meetings. Your new acquaintance was probably very easy to be around, very natural, and completely indifferentto your or anyone else's opinion. If you make it your goal to be like that person, your true self will shine, and meeting new people will be nothing more than arelaxing walk in the park.



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How to be less shy when meeting new people

5 of 7by Marie Colin

For those who are shy, meeting new people is a daunting and scary prospect. However, by following a few simple guidelines, shy people can turn this into a positive, exciting experience and widen their social circle painlessly.

The first thing to do is to adopt an attitude that you will be interested, curious and excited at learning about new people. This is best done shortly before going to the party or event where you expect to meet new people. While it can bedifficult to make long-term attitude changes, you will find it simple to say toyourself 'at the party, I'll be interested in finding out about new people - what they do, their hobbies and interests, and so on'. Then at the party, act consistent with your attitude. Appear interested in other people - most people love to talk about themselves, so you'd be surprised at how easy it really is to successfully draw someone out in conversation. This will help direct your energyaway from your self-consciousness and help enable you to see the good points about meeting new people.

The second thing to remember is to smile. While you may be a little out of yourcomfort zone at the party or event, if you are smiling anyway you will come across as friendly, approachable and best of all, social. Of course, you would notwant to keep a frozen grin on your face or direct the smile at one person the whole time! - simply make sure you have a pleasant expression on your face to make it look like you are enjoying yourself.

The third important thing to remember when meeting new people is that shy peoplecan unintentionally come off as being a little intense if they focus their entire attention on the new person they are meeting. It is best to smile, talk a little and appear to enjoy it, and after a few minutes of conversation, move ontosomething else (go to the bathroom, get some food or drinks, and so on). You ca

n always go back to the new person later on in the evening. If you are meetingthe new person in a group setting, then likewise either move onto some other task or join back into the general conversation going on in the group. You won't want to sound like an interview panel full of questions for the new person!

One tactic to help with knowing what to say so you are not tongue-tied when youmeet a new person is to think ahead of things you might want to talk about. Before the party or event, think about questions you could ask a new person, such as "what do you do for your career?" and when they tell you, immediately think ofsomething positive to say about that.

One of the best things you can do as a shy person is to give a social person theopportunity to say a funny story (not a joke, a true story). It will show you

are socially with-it, particularly in a group setting, without putting YOU in the position of having to tell a funny story. Don't make your whole conversationalgambit around it, but for example if the new person works in customer service,you could say "Wow, I bet you get to see all sorts of people during your day! Do you ever get any really weird requests?" Now the moment is wide open for theperson to tell you about their craziest customer, and the new person will be grateful to you for a chance to tell a funny story, particularly in a group setting.

Lastly, consider each time you are meeting new people to be practice - don't put



unnecessary pressure on yourself to get it all 'perfect'. If something didn'tgo as planned, don't stew over it for the rest of the party (or at all!) Just chalk it up to experience and mentally move on. Simply aim to improve on meetingnew people each time you have a chance to practice and you will be on the righttrack.

In summary, there are plenty of things that shy people can do to be successful at meeting new people. Most of these tactics involve becoming interested in thenew person, rather than focusing on how uncomfortable this can be for oneself.Best of all, following these guidelines can not only lead you to social success,but more importantly you will find yourself genuinely enjoying the process of meeting new people!

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7 of 7by Soheil Rezaee

On an average weekend, people are excited to go out for some fun while others stay home to spend time with their loved ones. I'ts usually a night of fun and parties for many people. Sadly some people choose not to go out because of their fear of being in a social environment or being in big crowds. Being shy is character flaw that makes it uncomfortable for an individual to expand their world beyo

nd the comforts of the norm.

At times one need to over come their phobia as they need to meet new people. Beit at a job interview, networking at a conference or being hooked up on a blinddate. It helps to eliminate this flaw but that could take some time and at somemoment time is not on the individuals side. So its the shy person needs to masktheir weakness at given times to appear more socially acceptable.

Lucky for some individuasl they have it easy because of the people around them and the charm they have. Some shy people have it and are unaware of it. Certain people have such a friendly personality or good karma that they attract people around them. If they begin to embrace the friendship of others then their shynesscan be overcome.

The best thing a person could do is develop an ego. If someone is shy it's because they lack an ego. An ego always equals having self confidence. With an ego one will appear to have confidence in what they do and there is more creditabilityto what they say. Talk about your accomplishments with pride and try to beef upyour life story. Just don't be too cocky or it could backfire on you.

After an individual has developing an ego, it's time to realize that the development of self respect is essential to masking your shy trait. Beginning to changesome bad habits while embracing good habits will make people think of the individual positively. To fully embrace self respect the individual must abandon their old image that has been the source of fear. Its time for them to create a newimage that others will look up to with high respect.

Finally try to avoid displaying tell signs that you might have social issues. Don't sit in a weird positions or doing weird things with your hands. Don't look scared and always look confident.

Over time one will overcome this weakness, until then try and hide it.

how to be less shy when meeting new people

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