Human Resources Orientation

Dynamex Stevens, a proud sponsor of the InterLeagues

Lets get started: Are you ready?! What makes YOU YOU? Your name

What do you like to do?

Your home village

Are you a short thinker or a long thinker?

Your title

Do you fear heights?

How much volume do you displace in the workplace?

What do you like better, opinions or facts?

What level are you?

Do you like seeing things or do you like saying things?

Looping MegaTrends™:

Linear MegaTrends™:

IS IT DONE YET?

why does this matter?

why does this matter?

why does this matter?

why does this matter?

why doesn’t this matter?

why does this matter?

why does this matter? why doesn’t this matter?

why doesn’t this matter?

why doesn’t this matter?

why doesn’t this matter?

why doesn’t this matter?

Performance ReviewToolkit

Symptoms of Losing Your Cool

Aquaphobia

Irritability & Chest Pain

Hysteria

Muscle spasms

Sexual Excuses

Trivial Complaints

Severe Headaches

Pathological doubt

Delusions of persecution/grandeur

Fear of acting on irrational impulses

Thought blocking

Nobody wanting to be that guy

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, FIND A SOLUTION!1. Locate PCR report at S.I.R.B. (8-3:30 M-Th)

2. Complete a Request of Services Form ($5) (3-6 week wait)

3. Find your Personal User Authorization Key: 2DX-8775-6G214-4I9O88-295FC6-5G7C-CC903D-3A7024C-GREEN1-9RZ5501Z-237S42C-G7552Y-09XXC43-TS722-VB0-53HFF-217G88X9

4. Forward to Rectifications Dept. w/ attached K-C8D form

5. Provide Acquisition Services Directorate w/ receipt of transaction from Rectifications and retrieve corrected PCR report

Some products & tangible services Post-mates (comes w/ Facial Obscurity Hood)

Tangible Product

Catalogue (cont.)

Plurality License

Allows you to legally refer to yourself in the plural, and so everything you say will gain an added legitimacy to those who hear it because you will be saying “we did this, we think that, etc” so that people will think that others are constantly agreeing with and participating with you, lending you extra authority

Tangible Product Catalogue (cont.)

Inclement Weather Mitigator

This mp3 player will only play screamo and death metal. It comes preloaded with music designed to hyperstimulate your auditory senses, rendering other sensations (tactile, visual, olfactory) less perceptible for the duration, in the same tradition of the atmosphere inside an Abercrombie and Fitch.

The Contingency Model

Things to watch out for ! Animals and insects

The vending machines on the 7th floor

Heights

Police

Trains, some buses and traffic

Exercise equipment in the FitnessCenter

Automatically flushing toilets

Inclement weather

Elevators and stairwells (escalators being neutral)

Intrusive thoughts

Long term goal:

Prevent the arising of new information

But, most importantly,

We do things so we can do things later