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ADOLESCENTS HAVE OCCA-SIONALLY been discussed inthis column, usually as innocent

bystanders as their parents enter theBorderlanders. I’ve sometimes providedsuggestions about how to protect them,shield them, guide them, and so forth.However, we haven’t discussed childrenor teens who become closet doubters orBorderlanders themselves.1 I have runacross only a few minors who openlyidentify as Borderlanders, and only onehas contacted me directly throughSUNSTONE.

Recently, I was asked by a deaconsquorum advisor in our stake to come to aSunday meeting and describe my missionexperience to the boys. Apparently, one ofthe deacons had told his mother that he nolonger believes in the Church and thereforedoesn’t want to go on a mission. This wasthe first she had heard of his thinking, andshe quickly let the “proper authorities”know about the situation. The deaconsquorum advisor, knowing of my Borderlandstatus and the fact that I had experienced asuccessful mission, felt that I could per-suade the boy and any other doubters that amission could still be an option.

I went to the boys’ meeting with aJapanese sword and some tasty Japanesefinger foods (just what 12- to 14-year-oldboys like) and told them about my 19-year-old self being called into my bishop’s office,

my reluctance to go on a mission, my prob-lems with testimony, the bishop arrangingfor me to go to Japan, my work there, howmuch I enjoyed it, how I was able to getaround my status as a non-testimonybearer, and so forth. I explained that non-proselyting missions are available, such asthose with the Church’s HumanitarianCenter. Several boys showed interest in mypresentation,2 but I never quite figured outwho the Borderland suspect was.

This episode reminded me that I, too,had been a closet doubter andBorderlander as an adolescent; why wouldit be any different for some of today’syouth? Especially since the internet pro-vides much more information to youngpeople than I had access to; it’s possiblethat there are even more youthful closetdoubters and Borderlanders than therewere when I was growing up. Indeed, theChurch has acknowledged a great loss ofyoung people in recent years. What arethe demographics of this “lost group”?What are the main causes of these losses?What steps are being taken to change thissituation? For those of us in theBorderlands, what should we be doingabout our younger children? Should we,for example, be more open, possibly evenencouraging our kids to move into theBorderlands with us? How can we get ourkids to own up to their true thoughts andbeliefs? Does our secretiveness about our

own Borderland status adversely affectthem?

If you have any experiences or knowl-edge that could shed light on some ofthese questions, please write to me so thatI can share them in this column.3 Perhapsyou have other questions that I haven’tthought of. Or maybe you found con-structive approaches to dealing withBorderland or closet-doubter youth.

Searching my files for stories and experi-ences that relate to this issue, I actuallyfound a few that hadn’t caught my full at-tention when I first received them. (Note:Names and some details have been changedfor clarity and to protect identities.)

Kenny, who corresponded with me about fiveyears ago, has observations that are certainlyrelevant to this topic:

I am 36 years old, the father of two chil-dren, and a typical fully-in-the-closetBorderlander. (My wife is my only confi-dant, and even she doesn’t know every-thing.) I believe in most Church teachings,certainly the Jesus-centered ones, but Idon’t believe in many Mormon traditions,claims, and stories. Fortunately, I’m notbitter about my status, nor do I think theChurch is out to fool us. But I worry aboutmy kids.

I still think my children need a stable re-ligious upbringing, regardless of where thatmay occur. Mormonism is an all-encom-passing lifestyle that can lead children to beupstanding, moral, and honest citizens. Wehave dedicated leaders who have taughtgood, ethical ideas to my children by “wordand deed.” The Scouting and YoungWomen’s programs are quite good when co-managed by parents. I have encouraged mychildren to participate fully in the Church’sprograms, and I have seen positive out-comes so far. I struggle to manage (for themand for me) the differences I see in Jesus’good and wholesome teachings and whatthe kids are sometimes taught in Primary.Parental involvement is the key if we wantto steer our kids toward what is right andgood and away from narrower teachingsthat distract them from moral and ethicalbehaviors.

As for my involvement with my childrenat church, although I am not a temple rec-ommend holder, I have baptized and con-firmed both of them. I feel I honor mypriesthood through my daily actions andbehaviors, which I feel justifies my “worthi-ness” to perform these ordinances. Baptismis a rite of passage that serves to bind them

BRAVING THE BORDERLANDS . . .

IDENTIFYING AND WORKINGWITH ADOLESCENTBORDERLANDERS

by D. Jeff Burton

FIGURE 1. GROUPS IN THE LDS ORBIT

1—CORE MEMBERS: true believers, unwaveringly sup-portive, the acceptable.

2—BORDERLANDS MEMBERS: those who considerthemselves faithful to and part of the Church but don’t fitcomfortably in Group 1.

3—MEMBERS-OF-RECORD ONLY: non-participators,non-believers, non-supporters.

DOTS—previous members, prior investigators, andnon-LDS family members.

D. JEFF BURTON is an author and a former member of the Sunstone Board of Directors.

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to me and, hopefully, has provided adefining moment in their lives.

I do admit that I feel a bit hypocritical,given that I don’t believe everything bap-tism is claimed to entail, but this guilt isoffset by the message of love and supportmy participation provides to my kids. Whocan deny the power of a baptismal service?Regardless of my own misgivings, denyingmy children my participation in this impor-tant rite of passage would be a misfortune Iwould regret for the rest of my life. But noteveryone can follow in my steps. In thatcase, I would suggest talking to the bishopand then getting someone your childrenwant to do the baptism, e.g., a belovedgrandfather.

Here is a completely different experience fromRobert:

We decided not to baptize our three chil-dren at age eight. They seemed too youngto know what they were doing. By the timeour older daughter was eight, my wife and Iwere in the Borderlands, and we remainedmostly inactive until our youngest headedoff to high school.

None of our children have elected toget baptized, and we haven’t pushed it.Nevertheless, I think they turned outvery well: they’re accomplished, moral,and very supportive of our recent deci-sion to go back to church as Borderlandparticipants.

Our best friends in the Church knowenough about our situation that they don’tworry about our children, but some of ourward members seem to assume that the sit-uation with our kids gives us realheartache and that we are actively trying toget them back to Church. But we are atpeace with things the way they are. Thekids come around often enough to observewhat the Church does and doesn’t do forus. They can make their own decisions. Ifthey like what they see, they’re smartenough to get involved. We’ll see whathappens as time passes. Besides, the D&Csays that if parents don’t teach children,the sins are on the parents. I’m happy totake that burden for them.

Here are some thoughts and experiences fromReed, from whom we will hear more in a fu-ture column:

I am looking for advice on how to dealwith my status in Mormonism and re-cently ran across SUNSTONE, your website,and past Borderland articles. I have been

struggling with my faith for about fouryears now. You’ll probably find this hu-morous, but I went through the trouble ofmoving out of a ward where I was servingas a counselor to the bishop so that I couldget released—with my closet-doubterstatus, the calling was causing me toomuch stress. My wife (who is very sup-portive of me) has a non-Mormon brotherwho laughed it up when I told him thereason I had moved.

After my release (and since our fourchildren were approaching adulthood), Ifound myself with a lot of time to read, re-search, and think, which led me to my cur-rent distress.

Over this last summer, I connected witha helpful “mentoring” program that theInstitute for Religious Research (IRR)3 of-fered for Mormons who were questioningtheir faith. They hooked me up with a now-devout evangelical Christian and formerMormon, who has been immensely helpfulin many respects. But recently, he’s beentrying to make me into a “real” Christian.Since I have encountered as many biblicalconcerns during my journey as I have Bookof Mormon concerns, I’ve probably reachedthe point where corresponding with this

“mentor” is no longer helpful. Besides, hehas little to offer in the way of helping medeal with my kids.

For now, I am staying in your “Group2” Borderlands for the sake of myfamily—especially my wife and kids. Weraised our oldest son as a “Group 1”Mormon; he has since served a missionand now is attending BYU. Our oldestdaughter, just out of high school, is kindof liberal and very thoughtful, but still

feels comfortable in “Group 1.” She willstart this fall at our local university. It willbe interesting to watch her encounternew perspectives; I’m looking forward toseeing where she ends up.

Now I’m concentrating on trying totemper the effect of the Church’s teachingson our two younger daughters (aged 16and 13). We discuss the things they learn inchurch classes and seminary, and I providethem with liberal, Christ-centered perspec-tives and interpretations. My middledaughter is quite academic (differing fromher two sisters, who seem to prefer per-forming arts, music, theater, and active so-cial lives), and she seems to be reachingconclusions similar to mine about theChurch. These familial considerationsO

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often make me lean one way one week, andthe other way the next, making me feelschizophrenic about my Mormonism as Itry to serve my kids and my wife.

Zeke is an outstanding young man I met atlast summer’s Sunstone Symposium inOgden, Utah. We have recently exchangedemails, and I hope to include more of his on-going story in future columns. Here is asnippet of his experience:

I'm a 21-year-old who became aBorderlander in my teens, so I did not goon a mission when I was nineteen. My dadhas been a Borderlander for as long as I canremember, and it rubbed off on me, sowhen I made friends with an evangelicalChristian in high school, it didn’t take longfor me to replace my Mormonism withProtestantism, at least for a while.

When I started college, I took things astep further and became a near atheist fora few months, but over the past year or so,I've reconciled myself to Mormonism tothe extent that I’ve acquired a limited-usetemple recommend and am preparing fora possible mission next summer. I stillhave issues with many components ofMormonism, ranging from the origins ofthe Book of Mormon to the existence anddivinity of Christ himself, but I feel like amission is still worth my time for anumber of reasons. Social acceptance andmy own curiosity are definitely on the list,but mainly I feel at peace with myMormonism and wish to bring that peaceto others. I also want to help those whoare experiencing doubt to avoid the painthat tormented me for a while. I realize,however, that a mission is a highly-fo-cused exercise in traditional Mormondogma, and I anticipate encounteringsome difficulty talking to investigatorsand members who may have no interest inmy Borderlander insights. Hence, I amwriting to solicit advice from otherBorderlanders who have served missionsregarding how they balanced (or wouldhave balanced) their own beliefs with theneeds of the mission.

My dad and I had a nice chat with an-other man at the Symposium about the re-sentment and betrayal they both felt whenthey first learned about the “dark side” ofthe Church. I observed that, while I defi-nitely experienced those feelings of bitter-ness and resentment when I was aboutsixteen, they left me relatively quickly(compared with how long they affectedmy dad, anyway). I thought maybe it was

because my trauma occurred during highschool, when life seems to move extra fastfor everyone. However, my dad pointedout that, as the oldest child in our family, Iwas something of an experiment, essen-tially raised to be a Borderlander frombirth. I'm sure my dad would be happy togive his side of things and explain why hedid what he did, but for now I'll just pointout to those who think they must pick aside for the sake of their children, thattheir children might well appreciate thechance to choose (or not choose) forthemselves.

S O, good readers, can any of you shedlight on this important topic? Whathave been your experiences? What

strategies have (or haven’t) worked withyour kids? If we’ve been successfulBorderlanders, should we invite our chil-dren over before they panic and jump ship?Will they be angry with us later on if wekeep our status a secret? How can we getour kids to be honest about their truethoughts and beliefs?

I’ll pass along anything you send me.4

One more question: Someone who says heknew Mitt Romney in the mission field toldme that Mitt was not a “true believer” at thetime. Has Mitt lived in the Borderlands?Does he now? Send me any informationyou might have.

NOTES

1. In my first column, I introduced theBorderland member as one who may have an un-usual but LDS-compatible outlook on life; a distinc-tive way of thinking about faith, belief, andtestimony; a different view of LDS history; someopen questions about a particular aspect of theChurch, reduced or modified activity, or feelings ofnot meeting “Group 1” acceptability criteria. Seethe figure at the head of this article.

2. My mission experience has been described inprevious columns. Copies of previous columns canbe downloaded for free at www.forthose-whowonder.com.

3. The IRR is a self-described “nondenomina-tional, evangelical Christian ministry of apologeticsand discernment.”

4. Please contact me at jeff@eburton.com.

Please send me yourexperiences from life in the Borderlands.

D. Jeff Burton,djeffburton@gmail.com

BUSH MEN(for R.D.)

river rushes northalong aged Indian

trails cupping handswith scout guides

and ghosts of foreignnavigators once lost

among mosquito marshand dense brush, asking

sustenance fromunforgiving earth

plucking berriesyou picked in autumn

before she turnedgold to silver and

mud brown—theend of hunting

and the creation ofrenewed paths, when

beauty paved the road toharshness, we gathered

dancing in deer skins, tothe sacred drum, hoping

to find the heartbeat thatremained

BRADLEY MCILWAIN