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  • 7/31/2019 Information to Write a Letter

    1/17

    What should I do if my co-worker stalks me and follows me while getting off the bus?

    I work a late night shift from 3:00-11:00 and my co-worker who works with me is very intrusive,

    gets very personal with me, bothers me outside of work, and just wont leave me alone. I am

    friendly with her at work and dont mind being friendly and making small talk but she always

    keeps wanting to hang with me and asks me to come out to a party. She is black by the way andnot very attractive so there are times where she is really inappropriate because she is low class

    and was on welfare before and has a son. She doesnt act very professional.

    So what happened was I was at the bus stop with her waiting for the bus and we both catch

    different buses. She kept getting too close in my personal space while I wanted to be left alone

    and she said: So you are really cute!! I like you and want to go out now! Can I come over

    tonight?! My son can get a babysitter! and I said politely: I am tired and dont like to get

    personal with co-workers outside of work. And she said: come on! so I walked away and

    pretended like I got a phone call so she started to text someone herself and a bus came by so I

    got on the bus and she got on her bus behind me. Then the creepiest thing happened. I got offthe bus and as I got off, I was walking home and was approaching the next bus stop and as the

    bus she was on stopped there, she got off the bus when she lived about 25 minutes from me

    and that is why I was really surprised she got off in my area because she takes a different bus

    and lives in the opposite direction than me. So when she got off the bus, she shouted and said:

    HEY WAIT UP! I AM SLEEPING OVER YOUR PLACE! And I asked: Hey what are you doing

    following me?! You dont live in this area! and she said: I know but I am coming over to hang

    and maybe sleep over so lets hang a little bit. And I walked fast and just said: You cant. this is

    stepping boundaries. And she said: No it isnt. Why are you racist? and she kept following me

    all the way to my place! I had to go in the opposite direction so I would lose her and she just said

    after I started walking fast away from her: I know where you live! I was really uncomfortable.

    She then called me and I had no idea how she got my number because I never gave it to her and

    she called my cell and said: I have no way home and my last bus comes in 10 minutes. What am

    I going to do? and I told her she shouldnt have gotten off. She was really stalking me.

    What should I do about this? I was lucky to change direction maneuver with going in the

    opposite direction to get to my place before she followed me all the way to my place!

    In order to protect your employment situation, I would first go speak with someone in HR at

    your place of employment, hopefully before she does. She sounds like the type of person who

    does not handle rejection very well, and if you don't go talk to HR, she's likely to go and report

    YOU for "racism." If your workplace does not have an official HR department, then speak to your

    manager and/or her manager. This will be especially important if you happen to hold a higher

    position in the company than she does, because you don't want her to be able to come back and

    make a false sexual harassment claim on you.

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    Depending on how threatened you feel, you may want to wait and see if HR handles the

    situation, but be sure to let them know that if the behavior continues, you do plan to file a

    harassment/stalking complaint against her, and see a restraining order if necessary. If the

    behavior continues, be prepared to follow through and actually file acriminal complaint. Keep a

    written record of each incident-date and time, what happened, where, was anyone else around,

    etc.-in case you need to file a police report.

    If she calls you again, tell her that you feel that she is harassing you, and state in no uncertain

    terms that you do not want her to call you outside of work again. If she is always calling you

    from the same number (rather than, say, a payphone), contact your phone service provider and

    have them block the number she is calling from if possible. Again, keep a record of the calls, or

    keep the caller ID information in your phone, so that you can give that information to the police

    if you have to file a harassment complaint.

    Until the situation is resolved, arrange for someone you trust to drive you too and from work, or

    at the very least, have a co-worker you trust (or a security guard if your job has them)

    accompany you to the bus stop. Avoid being alone with the woman, even in a work situation.

    I cant get away from my farting, burping coworker

    FEBRUARY 13, 2012

    I debated over whether or not this was too gross to post, but decided to go for it. So A reader

    writes:

    I recently aquired a male officemate (I am female) at work. He had surgery on his knee, and is

    unable to get up the stairs to his own office, so he is temporarily sharing my office. He makes

    constant bodily noises all day long. The problem is so bad, I have actually started to keep count.

    In the last 2 weeks, he has averaged 43 farts and 22 burps PER DAY.

    I spoke with him about when he thinks hell be able to return to his own office, and hes

    expecting to be in my office for the next 6 months.

    At one point, the smell in my office was so bad it actually made me physically sick. I tried to

    explain the situation to my boss, and asked if there was anywhere else they can put him. Since

    there is no other office he can get to without using the stairs, Im stuck with him. Ive tried

    spraying Febreeze, leaving the room, andeven asked him to at least say excuse me if he is

    going to do that in front of me. Nothing has worked. How do I explain to my coworker that his

    bodily noises are making me physically ill?

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    Eewww.

    Can you work out of his old office while he works in yours? Or somewhere else? Figure out

    where you could move and then talk to your manager.

    Say this: I am not able to concentrate on my work while Joe is in my office. At times, I actually

    feel nauseous because of the odors he produces. I am sympethetic to his situation, but I want to

    be able to focus on my work and Im sure you do too.

    how can I make my coworker stop talking to me?

    NOVEMBER 16, 2011

    A reader writes:

    I recently joined a new company and got to know a colleague of mine, who happened to come on

    board on the same day as me. According to her, its for this reason that she confides a lot of her

    personal and professional matters to me during office hours. I even got a text message from her

    over the weekend, complaining about how she cant stand our boss. Though I played smart by

    not dispensing any opinions on that, I feel that she has crossed the line of not knowing when to

    stop harassing her fellow colleagues about her personal / work-related issues.

    How can I break it to her in a firm and yet polite way that I would very much prefer if she keepsher whinging to herself at a moderate level, and also not send me relentless e-mails (via our

    office email) to chat with me when I have specifically asked her not to talk to me while Im

    trying to focus on my work here. She just doesnt seem to get my drift. What should I do and say?

    This is what I said to her when she tries to chat with me via our office email: Please stop

    emailing me, as Id like to focus on my work now. Thanks. I also said to her, Please dont send

    me work-related texts over the weekend. Appreciate it. Thanks. I said this to her when she tried

    calling and sending me texts attempting to complain about her discontentment with our

    common boss. Were my two comments to her too rude, because I honestly think that shes

    someone who only gets the hint with an in-your-face kind of comment?

    It sounds like youve handled this exactly right so far: Youve told her directly and assertively to

    stop emailing and texting you. And I agree with you that when someone doesnt respond to

    hints about this type of thing, you need to become more direct.

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    Id continue being direct. The next time she stops by to chat, tell her, Jane, I cannot chat during

    the work day because I need to focus on work. And say it every time until she stops because

    if youre inconsistent about it, shell probably keep trying.

    Stop answering her emails (other than the ones actually related to work youre doing, of

    course.) You can say to her at some point, Hey, Im not going to be answering these emailsbecause I dont have enough time during the day. Eventually, when shes not getting any

    response, shell presumably stop.

    You may need to repeat these strategies more than youd need to for a normal person who

    responded to normal social cues, but this should eventually train her to leave you alone.

    By the way, if you enjoyed her company and wanted to have a friendship with her outside of

    work hours, Id say to ask her to have lunch with you occasionally but it doesnt sound like you

    particularly want to have that kind of relationship with her, and thats fine.

    There are some people out there who, if you give an inch, will take a mile when it comes totaking up your time at work. Unfortunately, all you can do is set and stick to firm boundaries. It

    sucks, because it can make you feel like youre being overly harsh (note your questioning of

    yourself at the end of your letter), but you have to keep in mind that youre doing it because

    thats

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    How to Get Your Coworker to Stop Telling You How to Do Your Job

    Should abossyperson rule the roost in the workplace? While some people will suggest that

    bossiness is in the eye of the beholder, a truly bossy coworker can make work life unpleasant

    and even difficult if they insist on taking the reins of everything you're responsible for. Even a

    casual comment about rearranging your desk or filing system can be a bossy swipe at your own

    methods if the coworker has a habit of insinuating themselves into your workspace in this way.

    When the bossiness goes beyond what you can tolerate, the aim is to put your bossy coworker

    on alert that you're not a sitting duck for her mistrust and criticism. Indeed, seek to maintain

    cordial relations in the workplace while keeping your working relationship professional andmutually respectful. A bossy person who is shown your boundaries with clarity will quickly learn

    to respect the lines you've drawn.

    http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Coworker-to-Stop-Telling-You-How-to-Do-Your-Jobhttp://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Coworker-to-Stop-Telling-You-How-to-Do-Your-Jobhttp://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Being-Bossyhttp://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Being-Bossyhttp://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Being-Bossyhttp://www.wikihow.com/Image:How-to-Get-Your-Coworker-to-Stop-Telling-You-How-to-Do-Your-Job-intro.jpghttp://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Being-Bossyhttp://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Coworker-to-Stop-Telling-You-How-to-Do-Your-Job
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    Communication Skills

    Workshop training materials to teach interpersonal communication

    CorporateTrainingMaterials.com

    EditSteps

    1. 1Identify a pattern of bossiness. It's a good idea to be sure that you're dealing with bossiness

    from the coworker rather than occasional misplaced good intentions or someone who is

    genuinely a good (and needed) organizer or motivator. Bossiness in the workplace generally

    involves an ongoing, persistent issue of inappropriately assuming power over another and being

    in charge over someone else's work without a mandate. A bossy coworker most likely lacks trust

    that others in the workplace know what they're doing and wants to take over by making the

    decisions, dominating, telling you what to do all the time, insisting that you do things their way

    and criticizing without being constructive. Ask yourself the following questions when assessing

    the bossiness of your coworker:

    MIND Lebanon & MiddleEast

    Psychiatry & Psychology Clinics Children, Adult, Geriatric Services

    www.mindclinics.org

    o Does my coworker seem to mistrust me?o Does my coworker try to put words in my mouth and tell me how to do my job?o Does my coworker insist that I make changes to my work all the time, even

    before more senior people have had a chance to see it?

    o Does my coworker often tell me I am doing things the wrong way?o Does my coworker remind me often of how "things should be done around

    here"?

    o Do I feel like a child around this person, a child lacking in knowledge and skills ofmy own?

    o Did my coworker used to perform my role and yet seems unable to let go now?2. 2

    Identify the type of bossiness. Bossing techniques vary slightly and it's helpful to understand

    which one you're faced with, so that you can clarify what might be going on:

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    o Officious bossiness: This person sees everything in black and white and lives bythe "letter" of the law rather than its "spirit". Likely to think in absolutes, this

    bossy nature cannot abide the thought of bending the usual rules when

    flexibility requires it because "being right" is a form of power and control over

    others. Often the bossiness of this type is a way of attacking more intelligent,

    creative types around them who might seem unconventional or disorganized

    but who, in particular, aren't fussed about rule bending to ensure the best

    outcomes. When it's about adhering to "administrivia reglets" within the

    workplace, the bossy coworker's stickler approach to rules is really about power

    play, so if the sign says "we shut at 4pm", this person will stop automatically,

    even if a few more minutes would see the last transaction completed, all

    because it shows that they wield the power.

    o Helpful bossiness: This person perceives themselves as being kind and helpful,when in reality they use this approach as a cloak for bossiness, enabling them to

    insert the choices they perceive as better than yours. They may even take tomoralizing, justifying their interference by "doing what's right". It can be harder

    to spot this bossy nature because they're at such pains to appear kind and

    helpful but your own feelings should be a guide to the manipulative nature of

    this type of interfering or overruling "help". Ultimately, they don't believe you're

    competent enough to cope, so they meddle, fuss and inveigle their way into

    your work all under the pretext of guiding or helping out, like a parent with a

    child. A telling sign is frequent second guessing of your choices and even

    nagging.

    oAttention seeker bossiness: This person enjoys being the center of attention andbossing is how they get there. Pulling you up publicly for things you've

    overlooked, missed, made mistakes doing or (sensibly) bent the rules on can

    make them feel superior toward you and gives them an excuse to "set you

    straight" on how things "ought to be done" around here, and in front of

    everyone too! Their attitude presumes that they know best and should be in

    charge. In making a scene, they like to ensure that everyone is aware of their

    importance, regardless of how unjustified or impolite their attention seeking

    really is. This person may also be a bit of a bully.

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    3. 3Becompassionatebut don't be taken in. Bossy people can make a genuinely hard working and

    dedicated person quake in their boots, often because a lot of bossiness is about bluff, bluffing

    that they know more or will do a better job and thereby show you up.

    The first thing to remember is that even if this person does know more, they weren't chosen for

    roleyou wereand that your own qualities bring something different to the role that your

    employer wants from you, not from your coworker. Your coworker is disrespecting boundaries

    laid down by the employer and seeks to undermine the rationale behind having varied

    personalities and skills in the workplace, showing a marked lack of perspicacity and intelligence

    about the inter-relational aspect of work.

    The second thing to remember is that by identifying the bossy coworker, the power returns to

    your court provided you deal with it appropriately and call their bluff. And by being

    compassionate, a little understanding of the bossy person's feelings of anxiety and insecuritycan go a long way in helping you to avoid feeling angry and frustrated. Bossy people are often

    afraid that they won't be respected, that others will let them down and therefore have a need

    to assume to control to try and reduce their anxiety levels. Some bossy people are also poor at

    empathizing and really don't see the distress their bossiness causes others; or, where they do

    sense it, they may believe themselves so superior that they don't regard how you feel as

    important.

    http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Kindhttp://www.wikihow.com/Be-Kindhttp://www.wikihow.com/Be-Kindhttp://www.wikihow.com/Image:Type-of-bossiness-2.jpghttp://www.wikihow.com/Be-Kind
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    o Can you live with the bossiness? If your coworker is bossy only at some times,such as one particular task they used to do before you took over, but leaves you

    alone most of the time, it's perhaps best to just let it be and dismiss the

    bossiness on those occasions when they do intervene. However, this will only

    work if they're not intervening in all aspects of your work, all the time. And

    eventually, they should leave off, trusting you know what you're doing, so don't

    tolerate this for a long time.

    o Compassion involves noting when another person you're relating with is tired,stressedor feeling as if the situation at hand is not under their own control.

    Knowing the underlying motivation doesn't excuse their bossiness but it does

    give you an insight into why they're behaving bossily and simply stating direct to

    them that you have sympathy for their fatigue or feeling pressured might help

    them to realize that they're inability to cope is transparent to others around

    them.

    4. 4Be wary. The bossy person is rarely an openly attacking kind of person, so they'll rarely, if ever,

    say anything nasty about you as a person. Usually they veil direct attacks under bossy criticism

    and hassling or micromanaging you. Done constantly, the direct interference can wear you

    down and can easily blur the boundaries between your role and theirs. If they so inveigle their

    way from their role into yours, there is an occasional risk that a senior person may view the

    change in direction favorably and see less need for you, so keep your own role clear! Moreover,

    simply getting up-to-date clarification of your role can benefit you both as a form of reassurance

    that you're personally headed in the right direction and as documented evidence that your tasks

    are as stated. If you want to seek role clarification, it is suggested that you do the following:

    o Write down every aspect, skill, and expectation of your role as you understand itto be.

    o Consult coworkers (apart from the bossy one) to ensure that your list is bothrelevant and comprehensive.

    o Prioritize your list, so that it is clear and easy to understand.o Print it off, so that it is neat and presentable.o Present it to your line manager or direct boss, and ask him or her for their view

    of it as a guide for any employee wishing to do your job. This may impress your

    line manager and to your benefit, it may be adopted as a new job description if

    changes have occurred since you took on the role. Once agreed to, it is now

    something that you can show your bossy coworker as having been approved as

    http://www.wikihow.com/Create-a-Stress-Ballhttp://www.wikihow.com/Create-a-Stress-Ballhttp://www.wikihow.com/Create-a-Stress-Ball
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    to what constitutes your role. Doing this will send the clear message to your

    bossy coworker that you're not in need of their "guidance".

    5. 5Assert yourself. Choose a private moment to speak to your bossy coworker about their

    bossiness. Let them know that you've noticed their bossiness and found it upsetting or

    disorienting, and explain how it has caused you to feel that your own skills and abilities are not

    being respected. Explain how it affects your work input and reassure your coworker that you're

    capable of performing the tasks assigned to you, just as you recognize that they're capable at

    dealing with their own tasks.

    o Stick to "I" messages, letting your coworker know how their bossinessmakes you feel.

    o Try something along the lines of:"When you speak to me in a way that suggests that I'm not competent, and insist I change

    things from the original way I presented them, I feel that I'm not being trusted to produce the

    work I'm employed to do here. I don't feel respected. Since I do believe myself capable and have

    the experience and knowledge to do what I have been tasked to do, I simply ask that you

    acknowledge this and speak to me with respect."

    6. 6Don't jump when your coworker asks you to. Being unresponsive to the demands being made

    of you from a bossy coworker might be enough for them to give up on ordering you around.

    They might roll their eyes and act miffed but its better that they know early on that you won'tbe helpful back unless they've been polite and respectful first.

    o Use "but" when addressing their wishes. This ploy a great way to get your pointacross without being rude. Start off in an agreeable tone but then making it

    clear that you're not interested in following through on their bossy demands.

    For example: "Indeed Henry, that's probably one way of doing it but the way I

    am doing has been successful so far and has earned this firm a lot of praise."

    7. 7Remind them of their own responsibilities as a way of highlighting the double standardthey're insisting on. Keep your replies lighthearted and humor-filled. Rather than snapping back

    "Do it yourself" or "Go away", which are probably your natural first reactions, try a lighthearted

    "Well, Rachel, I think that's a great idea and I'll promise to get the article finished if you promise

    to get it to the printer on time." In this way, you can gently point out that they don't always

    manage to get things done perfectly, making them aware that their own imperfections have

    been duly noted. Beautifully deflected!

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    8. 8Assess whether you have "clean hands". Sometimes we contribute to another person's

    bossiness because we aren't living up to what's expected of us. If, for any reason, your coworker

    does have reason to distrust you or not have in faith in you, it will need to be tackled openly. For

    example, you may have worked together on a project but not met your side of the bargain, suchas not making a deadline, not producing work of appropriate quality or simply not listening to

    their input. If you can think of anything you have done that might be contributing to their lack of

    trust in you and their feeling that they need to take control, then consider being direct about it.

    Raise the prior matter and reassure them as to why the things you didn't fulfill in the past are no

    longer an issue and why you deserve their trust back. Be patient; you probably have to prove

    yourself a few times first.

    9. 9If your bossy coworker isn't improving despite implementing the suggestions above, you may

    need to talk to your superior. This requires delicacy but by first focusing on how you get along

    with this person and appreciate all their positive traits, you can then proceed to point out that

    there is one concern and that is the bossiness involved in certain tasks the two of you work on

    together (have some factual examples ready to help you explain). Make it clear that you're not

    voicing a complaint but seeking advice on the best way to approach the bossiness so that you

    can both nip it in the bud and find the support needed to get your work done productively. By

    being genuine about your need for guidance in this situation and by recognizing the good in your

    coworker, it will help your superior to realize that you're not complaining but that you're looking

    for constructive advice. Hopefully you'll get the advice and it's possible your superior will have a

    quiet word to the bossy coworker too.

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    How to Deal with a Lazy Co-worker

    Ruby calls in:

    I have an issue with a co-worker. She doesn't do her part of the work andthe boss doesn't help.

    The boss says I shouldn't [be a] tattletale. What should I do to help my co-worker finish her part

    of the work so I don't have to pick up the slack?

    Ruby, if your boss is really using words like tattletale, then you know someone's not thinking

    like an adult, and it's not you. Your boss has regressed to third grade, only she's put herself in

    the role of teacher. But she's not. She's a team leader, and she doesn't realize that.

    I'm an ex-engineer geek who's stuck in my head, I have the emotional intelligence of a peanut.

    Since my coping mechanisms are limited to denial and detachment, let's get all hyper-rational

    about this.

    Take Care of Your Part

    http://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Managing-Your-Boss.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Managing-Your-Boss.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Managing-Your-Boss.aspxhttp://www.wikihow.com/Image:Talk-to-superior-9.jpghttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Managing-Your-Boss.aspx
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    First, take a good, hard look at yourself andmake sure your boss isn't right. If you're going to her

    because you're scared to talk to your co-worker, or because you want to punish your co-worker,

    she's right, even if she's expressing it in 3rd grade language. Only go to her if you can't fix things

    on your own.

    Talk to your co-worker. Don't blame; that will just get her defensive, and if she's a psychopath,she'll spend the next fifteen years pretending to be your friend while secretly orchestrating your

    untimely death in a truly unfortunate calamari incident. Instead, explain your issues with her in

    terms of your needs and the group's needs. This is where you can offer help.

    Bernice (we'll call her Bernice), next week is the deadline for next year's tractor. We're at a

    point where we need the dilithium photonic emitter design in order to proceed, and we're

    looking to you for that. Is there anything we can do to help you finish? Feel free to give her

    copies of my podcast, for example.

    If she tries to push the work (Could you just do it for me?) onto you,just say no. Bernice, I

    would love to be able to offer that much help, but I can't. I have my own job to do and there

    aren't enough hours in the day. Let's brainstorm some more. If your joint brainstorming isn't

    working, you can legitimately suggest you sit down as a group (with your boss, hint hint).

    Bring Your Boss Into the Discussion

    This brings your boss into the discussion. Since Bernice hasn't shaped up on her own,this is now

    your boss's problem as much as yours. After all, if Bernice shirks and you don't pick up the slack,

    your boss looks bad. By making it a group discussion, you're not tattling behind Bernice's back;

    you're working together to solve a problem. Teamwork. And now,a team meeting! Oh, boy! I

    just love meetings. No, I don't... I hate meetings.

    So let's keep repressing our emotions and keep it about work. This meeting is to figure out how

    we, as a team, can reach our goals. Yes, this meeting should be your boss's job, not yours. But if

    you're going to do a co-worker's job, be the boss. See if the three of you can work together on

    the problem.

    Set Your Boundaries

    Bernice may say all the right things in the meeting and then keep goofing off. It's time to

    protect you. Meet with your boss to scope out your job requirements, andget it in writing. Next

    time your job stalls because Bernice's work isn't done, you can approach your boss and explain,I'm trying to finish the tractor forward laser defense system, and can't do it without the energy

    supply. Bernice is three weeks late. As you know, we've tried everything. How would you like me

    to proceed?

    Your boss, who we already know has, er, issues with taking responsibility, will say, if Bernice

    won't do it, you'll just have to pick up the slack. And thus do we suddenly arrive

    at yourmoment of truth.

    http://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/gaining-buy-in.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/gaining-buy-in.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/gaining-buy-in.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/saying-youre-wrong.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/saying-youre-wrong.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Saying-No-with-Honesty-Respect-and-Style.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Saying-No-with-Honesty-Respect-and-Style.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Saying-No-with-Honesty-Respect-and-Style.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Motivating-friends-and-employees.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Motivating-friends-and-employees.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Motivating-friends-and-employees.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Motivating-friends-and-employees.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/planning-for-introverts.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/planning-for-introverts.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/planning-for-introverts.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/getitdone-meeting-madness.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/getitdone-meeting-madness.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/getitdone-meeting-madness.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/how-to-set-boundaries-at-work.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/how-to-set-boundaries-at-work.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/get-agreements-in-writing.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/get-agreements-in-writing.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/get-agreements-in-writing.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/get-agreements-in-writing.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/how-to-set-boundaries-at-work.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/getitdone-meeting-madness.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/getitdone-meeting-madness.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/planning-for-introverts.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Motivating-friends-and-employees.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Motivating-friends-and-employees.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/Saying-No-with-Honesty-Respect-and-Style.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/saying-youre-wrong.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/gaining-buy-in.aspx
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    You know your job. You have it in writing. You're being asked to do someone else's job. You can

    say Yes, make your boss happy, keep your job, and doom yourself to a career of being a

    doormat. That is very much like bringing your new husband, wife, or polyamorous family unit

    breakfast in bed for the first time. The precedent stays for life.

    Say No

    Or, you can say No. Review my episode 15,Saying No to Difficult Requests. Be gracious, but

    firm. Actually, boss, we agreed on my job responsibilities and they don't include Bernice's. I

    can't take that on. If she insists, ask for a raise to go with the increased responsibilities.

    Otherwise, she's using you as a doormat.

    There may be real consequences: a bad performance review, or even being fired. You have to

    decide if it's worth the risk. Of course, you have the written job description, so you canappeal to

    Human Resourcesor even court if that happens. Personally, I would hold my ground.

    To recap: make sure you've done your part with Bernice. Then try to solve the problem as ateam. If that doesn't work, at least set your own boundaries so your boss musttake

    responsibility. If you get fired, well, think of it as a chance toupdate your resume. Happily.

    Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!

    Why Is My Co-Worker Doing This To Me And What Can I Do To Make Her Stop?

    A reader recently asked me to address her problem with a co-worker in

    a blog:

    I have a co-worker who tries to make me look bad at every opportunity. I was recently in a

    meeting and made a suggestion to the team. Everyone liked my idea except for this one

    person. She basically singled me out and tried to humiliate me and ridiculed my idea in front of

    http://su.pr/2zfEz5http://su.pr/2zfEz5http://su.pr/2zfEz5http://su.pr/2zfEz5http://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/dealing-with-bureaucracy.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/dealing-with-bureaucracy.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/dealing-with-bureaucracy.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/dealing-with-bureaucracy.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/write-a-great-resume.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/write-a-great-resume.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/write-a-great-resume.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/write-a-great-resume.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/dealing-with-bureaucracy.aspxhttp://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/dealing-with-bureaucracy.aspxhttp://su.pr/2zfEz5
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    everyone. This isnt the first time this has happened. I think shes good at her job, but whyis

    she doing this to me and what can I do to make her stop? Amy (named changed)

    Its really rough being on the receiving end of this type of bad behavior, isnt it? So, how to

    handle the situation? For starters, do like that old TV commercial used to state and never let em

    see you sweat. Try your best to maintain your composure at all times when at work.

    Next, you can choose to allow the behavior to continue unchecked and hope that it will

    eventually stop, or, you can take a proactive approach and ask to meet with this person. If you

    choose the proactive approach of meeting with the person, do so in a private location and with

    an open, caring manner. Describe to her the specific situation and behavior that occurred and

    tell her how it made you feel when she made those comments. Ask if it was her intent to make

    you feel that way.

    Then listen to what she says. Dont get defensive. Keep the discussion climate open and positive.

    Hear her out she may not have even realized what she was doing to you by making those

    comments. Be patient and be honest with her and work to build trust between the two of you.

    Let her know you respect her work and think very highly of her and that you want to ensure

    the two of you have a positive working relationship. Then ask her for suggestions on how the

    two of you could work more positively together.

    In my career, Ive seen a lot of women and men act in this manner. They wrongly believe that

    humiliating others or their ideas will somehow make them look better, or feel better.

    Unfortunately, most people see through this behavior and the key person it ends up hurting is

    them because they lose the respect of many people.

    When women and men are secure in themselves, believe in their skills, and have a high level of

    self-confidence and self-awareness, they will generally not behave the way you described. I

    found that I most often encountered this type of behavior in men and women who lack

    confidence in their skills and abilities.

    Do you have any suggestions for Amy? If so, please share your thoughts in the Comments

    section below.

    http://www.forbes.com/companies/next/http://www.forbes.com/companies/next/http://www.forbes.com/companies/next/
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    The letter that earned me a Promotion

    So I work at a vocational program for intellectually disabled adults. I started off as a supervisor,

    where i would just basically oversee the work there doing at there job making sure there are no

    mistakes and that everything is done correctly. I really enjoyed doing this, but i wanted to

    become a counselor. Here i would work one on one with about 40 people being on my caseload.The deputy director gave me a chance to explain why i would be a good candidate for this job.

    So i wrote this letter which got me promoted. I wanted to share this with every one so just in

    case you were looking to get promoted you could use some of my ideas to get a head start.

    What will I uniquely bring to the counseling position at ROI? Presented with this question, I

    thought about the qualities I possess that would be beneficial to being a counselor .And in what

    way these qualities would meet the needs of each participant.

    As a counselor at ROI I would be able to offer experience. I have gained experience frombeing a floor supervisor. So Ive dealt with the participants one on one. Im able to deal with a

    lot of the issues whether good or bad that occur, on a day to day basis. Im good at observing

    changes within each participant, and notices when a participant has met their goals, and needs

    to conquer something new. I understand that each participant is different and needs to be

    helped in different ways. Im enthusiastic and willing to gain more on the job experience.

    Commitment is one quality that I could offer to the counseling position. I would be

    committed to the participants, coworkers, my position, and the progression of ROI. I am a very

    strong willed individual and Im confident that I would be a strong asset to the counseling

    position. Im energetic about the mission of ROI, to help each and every participant achievetheir fullest potential, for independence confidence and self sufficiency. I believe that every

    participant should live the best life they possibly can, and I would like to be of assistance to

    them.

    I am very responsible. I fulfill every obligation to the best of my abilities. Im always up for

    new and difficult challenges. I complete job task in a timely manner, and always produce quality

    work. I m dedicated to thinking outside the box, and being able to bring creative ideas to every

    aspect of my job.

    Communication is by far my best quality. I am able to express myself through all forms of

    communication.. Im a good listener and I also give good feedback. Im able to express my

    thoughts effectively; therefore my point comes across clear. I can withhold professional

    conversations with no problem and can understand point of views other than my own. I am a

    team player who works well with other, as well as by myself.

    I would love to be apart of the ROI counseling team. I'm interested in leaning something

    new, and working with the participants in a new way. I enjoy the work i do now and feel as

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    though this is the next step. So when asked "What will i uniquely bring to Roi "i would have to

    say success.

    March 12, 2011

    To:

    Managing Director,

    Apex Software Inc,453, Riverside Street,

    Newark, DE- 19716

    Letter No.41: MD/Promotion/Marketing/2010

    Sub: Appeal to consider my promotion

    It gives me immense pleasure to state that I have been offering my services to the company for

    the last three years. I have always been diligent and committed for perfection while performing

    the tasks assigned to me by the organization in the capacity of Marketing Manager.

    I have proved my metal on every count in my performance and I am confident to shoulder theupcoming challenges that are waiting for me. My head of the department Mr. Alan Stuart has

    always been all praise for me and the fact that I won the best performer of the year award twice

    during these three years of service here proves that I have left no stone unturned to give utmost

    satisfaction to my employer.

    May I hereby request the company management to recognize my sincere efforts during this

    tenure and consider my appeal for the promotion. I will feel obliged if the company takes

    cognizance off my earnest attempts to contribute to the growth the company and promote me

    so that I could use my authorities and sources in a more effective and comprehensive manner.

    Sincerely yours,

    Adam Smith

    Marketing Manager

    Apex Software Inc

    Employee Code 1120