INSIGHTS AND IMPACT REPORTWhat’s really going on with teenage boys

Edition 1, 2021

Our VisionTo create a world in which every man has healthy relationships, reaches his full potential and contributes to his community.

Acknowledgement of CountryThe Man Cave acknowledges the traditional custodians of the land on which our offices are located, the Wurundjeri people, and we pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging.

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The Man Cave Insights and Impact Report 2021

We are constantly blown away by the capacity of Year 7 boys to open up about their emotions when given the opportunity to do so in a safe space—but one particular moment this year has left us speechless.

We were running a workshop with Year 7 boys and had reached the most challenging part of the day. The boys were doing a

‘check-in’, an exercise where they are given the space to talk openly about their feelings in front of their mates, without interruption or being rescued.

The boys were ‘checking-in’ about their lives, when it got round to a bright young man. He had already been one of the heroes of the

day with his intelligence, insights and wit, but it was his heart that got us the most.

He’d been broken up with, by a girl he really liked. He wore his heart on his sleeve and tried to talk about it to the people closest to him; they kept giving him advice, saying things like “you’re only 13, plenty of fish in the sea” or “you’re in Year 7, your whole life is ahead of you, don’t worry about it”.

He started crying. “I just feel heartbroken and I’m sick of being told not to worry about it. I just want to hear that how I’m feeling is normal.”

Young men are feeling dazed and disempowered. They are struggling to stay motivated during lockdowns, they are needing to re-learn how to socialise with each other when returning to school and they are feeling disempowered to engage in conversations about critical topics, such as consent, mental health and homeschooling.

Dazed and Disempowered

Now is the time to pay attention to their experience and to listen to what their challenges are or we risk leaving them behind academically, emotionally and socially. Alarmingly, we also know that when young men feel disempowered they rebel against governing systems and authorities. Now is the time to listen to and walk alongside our young men.

This is the first report in what will become a quarterly series from The Man Cave as we amplify the voice of

young men and bridge the disconnect between their experience and the world around them.

The report presents the dominant themes we are seeing from our interactions with young men in workshops, online and with their teachers and wellbeing coordinators.

Below one of our program facilitators captures the experience of young men right now.

So often, boys don’t want advice. They just want to be heard.

Another day in the Cave.

KEY THEME

Dealing with heartbreak in Year 7

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The Man Cave Insights and Impact Report 2021

We run transformational masculinity programs for hundreds of young men every week and we see inside their unfiltered internal worlds in each and every program.

Screenshots of social media messages from the young men

Who we are

For the most part, young men (aged 12-16 years) feel misunderstood and confused about the world they’ve inherited and how to be a healthy man in the 21st century.

All around them they are witnessing discussions happen about them but they are rarely being invited into those conversations.

It’s no wonder they can become disengaged, unmotivated and feel a lack of purpose.

But there is another way.

We know from working with over 20,000 young men, when they are given the language, permission,

space, and role modelling to engage with each other in a safe environment, they open up and begin to express themselves and their authentic worldview.

The data shows that when they feel safe and aren’t viewed as a ‘problem to be solved’ they actively engage with us and with each other in positive and transformative ways.

This is the first report of a new quarterly series we will be producing as we amplify the voice of young men and bridge the disconnect between their experience and the world around them.

We hope you enjoy it!

Insights and Impact Report 2021The Man Cave

The Man Cave Insights and Impact Report 2021

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While our reach was significantly reduced due to the impacts of COVID-19, we were still able to deliver 110+ full-day workshops.

These are full-day experiences, designed to shift the attitudes and belief systems of young men and reduce the prevalence of anxiety, depression, suicide and domestic violence.

The best part?

Young men actually enjoy The Man Cave. When given the chance, they do want to open up and move beyond the traditional, outdated masculine stereotype.

Our ImpactPROGRAMS

In the last 6 months we have delivered programs to over 3,000 young men across 33 schools in Victoria, Australia.

Man Cave TVWe also connect with the young men through our MCTV platforms (Tik Tok, Instagram, Youtube and now Twitch!).

We’re a big believer in ‘meeting the young men where they are at’. This project is focused on stepping into the online world and creating content that is engaging, authentic and practical. This started as an experiment in 2020 is now backed and funded by Movember (see here).

Through this project, we are directly connected to 1,990+ young men who follow our accounts. Across our subscribers, we have generated:

98% of young men would recommend the program to others

88% of young men agreed that our facilitators role-modelled what being a healthy man can look like

86% understand how the stereotype of being a man can negatively impact their mental health

84% want to redefine the stereotype and create their own healthy version of being a man after going through the program

This is how they rated our programs in 2021 so far:

130,000video views

This report includes their perspectives as well.

50,000reached accounts

content interactions10,000

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Insights and Impact Report 2021The Man Cave

Young men are feeling dazed and disempowered in many aspects of their lives and educators are struggling with this too.

Dazed and Disempowered

In reaching the below conclusions, we have reviewed and analysed a broad range of our own internal sources:

• Evaluation data from the boys we worked with (this includes questions such as “what is a question you want to ask that you feel you usually can’t?”)

• Observations and stories from our 20 facilitators who delivered the 110+ workshops this year so far

• Conversations with teachers and wellbeing coordinators from the 33 schools we delivered programs to

• Online interactions with the 1,900+ young men we are connected to through our social media accounts (MCTV and The Man Cave)

Here is what we are seeing.

Our Approach

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The Man Cave Insights and Impact Report 2021

Young men have shown and told us they want to learn more about themselves, to be validated for their emotions and to continue to break the stigma that men don’t speak openly about their mental health.

When asked what topics they want to explore more, young men responded with the following:

42% emotions and being a man

16% romance, relationships and girls

15% home and school stress

9% hobbies and life challenges

8% stereotypes, judgement and bullying

5% having positive impact on the world

2% gaming

2% my opinions

1% faith / spirituality

1% personal health

Their responses show us they want to continue to grow and learn as young men, to build healthy relationships and to manage the stress they’re managing with school.

Despite this, we are seeing a lack of space for these discussions to continue and that boys are getting mixed messages about what it means to be a good man across a broad range of sources.

From social media to mass media, these boys are confused about the kind of qualities a good man should have in the 21st century.

They’re being asked to be vulnerable and to share their emotions and at the same time they’re being told to toughen up and be brave.

They’re being challenged to break free of The Man Box, the stereotype of what it means to be a man but they’re not sure how to do that or who to be outside of that.

Naturally, they are looking for role models to learn from and follow.

Right now, they are telling us they look up to men such as Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, LeBron James, Scott Pendlebury and Bailey Smith.

Yet we know from our discussions with them, they are often admiring these men for their success as entrepreneurs or athletes, not for the character traits they show as men.

However, there are young men that are stepping up.

This speech delivered by Mason Black (Brisbane Boys’ College Captain) on sexual violence shows there are incredible examples of men of character in Australia.

The young men we work with want to be good men, and we need to start with believing in them and focusing on character and values, over success.

‘I want to see more explicit encouragement for positive masculinity’

‘I want to learn more about the emotions of men. People just ignore them when they matter’

1. They want to be good men, but they’re confused about how to do it

2. Young men feel judged and misunderstood by their parents and the world

Young men feel judged and misunderstood in their experience of being a teen in the 21st century.

They are struggling to navigate the stressors of home schooling and to maintain healthy relationships with their parents.

They are feeling pressure from their parents and teachers to continue to perform in their studies while also being told to reduce their phone use and gaming.

This is being worsened by the feeling they have of adults projecting a negative image onto them of who they are as young men.

“They feel like they are being asked to behave as young men but they are still being treated like boys.”

Additionally, they feel as though the adults in their life are asking them to do one thing but aren’t abiding by that rule themselves (such as reducing screen time). Their friends and the internet understand them, so they choose to spend their time there instead, further weakening their relationship with their families.

From skits on TikTok, to influencers on YouTube and gamers on Twitch, young men feel connected to that world because it understands and doesn’t judge them.

As a result, we’re seeing a disconnect between generations that is being exacerbated by the stressors of the current social, political and economic environment.

Young men want the adults in their life to seek to understand them, to listen to them and to support them in navigating their challenges.

‘I want to talk about my feelings with my family without being belittled’

‘They think we are just really lazy for nothing but it’s because of all the stress in a teenage life’

‘They expect us to behave like adults but they don’t treat us like one’

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The Man Cave Insights and Impact Report 2021

4. Our teachers are trying but are still struggling to break through

3. Young men want to talk about consent, sex and relationships but feel disempowered

Building on the previous themes, young men are feeling disempowered and unwelcome to contribute to discussions on critical topics.

They have a desire to understand how to navigate intimate relationships with others in a respectful and empowering way, how to understand their sexual orientation and how to talk to people they like.

Analysis of Man Cave workshop data with Dr Joy Townsend (from Learning Consent) showed that 80% of young men have learnt about consent from school or home.

“Furthermore, 93% of boys believe they know what consent means.”

However, analysis of their answers showed their understanding is limited to a ‘permission’ based definition and did not incorporate understandings of mutual desire and power dynamics.

While this is likely a reflection of the setting in which the data was collected, and the focus of consent education in schools on what is ‘legal’, this alone is not enough to equip young men with the understanding of fundamental principles at play when negotiating sexual consent.

Unfortunately, young men have told us there are very few spaces outside of our workshops where they feel safe and welcome to have conversations about intimate relationships, consent and gender.

They want to continue to learn and grow but they are so concerned about being criticised for their perspectives that they decide not to contribute. They feel as though girls, women and adults are often leading the conversation and they are not being asked to contribute in a way that provides them space to learn and grow.

Their perspective is understandable when considered within the context of feeling misunderstood and judged by adults and the world around them.

This is leaving young men feeling further disengaged and disempowered, and ultimately not enabling the overall conversation to progress or young men to grow.

Teachers and school wellbeing coordinators are telling us they are noticing a significant shift in social behaviour since the onset of COVID-19 and the lockdowns.

The young men are increasingly finding it difficult to engage with their academic requirements and many have taken the attitude that it is not worth the effort to keep up when it is so much harder to do so online. This is worsened by the pressure they feel from their parents to continue to achieve.

When young men are returning to school, some are finding the integration overwhelming and have anxiety about returning to the dynamic social environment. Others are returning to school with a displaced sense of social norms and expectations.

“Some young men are displaying inappropriate and risky behaviour, particularly toward young women and female teachers.”

Many also have COVID-19 anxiety, especially if their family households have been impacted financially or physically. Many young men have extended family members in countries overseas where COVID-19 has caused extensive disruption and death and they are finding it difficult to process their privilege to be in Australia and still feel unsettled.

To understand more of what teachers need, we asked them what else they wanted to learn from us after our workshops.

They responded:

26% respect for women and sex

24% nothing more, they covered plenty

21% activities to run in class

13% understanding boys and adolescence

11% how to support themselves and others

3% emotional and social intelligence

2% feminine male role models

The number one response reflects an ongoing challenge we are seeing across all schools, which is boys engaging in disrespectful communication and attitudes towards women, both teachers and students.

Female teachers in particular are telling us they are overhearing disrespectful comments from boys and feel ill-equipped or unsafe to address what is being said.

In our experience, this behaviour is often being driven by young men’s desire to fit in and a lack of awareness of the impact of their attitudes on others. Unfortunately, it highlights there is still more work to be done in working with boys and equipping teachers.

‘We need help, but adults gossip about us when all we are trying to do is be teenage boys in the 21st century’

‘I want to learn more about LGBTQI+’

‘I want to learn more about how to talk to someone you like.’

The Man Cave Insights and Impact Report 2021

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Insights and Impact Report 2021The Man Cave

Conclusion

Overall, we are seeing a lack of trust and safety between young men that is a reflection of a tumultuous and challenging period.

This is resulting in stunted emotional and social growth and young men feeling misunderstood and disempowered. Young men want to talk about masculinity, mental health and healthy relationships but they have very few spaces to explore and learn without fear of consequence or judgement.

As a result, they are feeling confused and alienated and are turning to their friends and the internet to find answers and to connect.

This is all being magnified by how much uncertainty there is in their life due to lockdowns and making their experience of being a teenager even more challenging to navigate.

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The Man Cave Insights and Impact Report 2021

1. Role-model what you expect As adults we need to role-model the same behaviours we expect from young men in our lives. While it can be challenging, it’s critical we look at our own actions and words and ensure they align with the messages we’re trying to pass onto them.

2. Move beyond an expectation to an agreementDisagreements often arise because there is an expectation or a perspective forced upon a boy that might not have played no active role in making an agreement with you. Treat him as an adult and make agreements about his phone use, internet use, home time and other home decisions. You can then come back to these if he breaks them.

3. Create space for open discussion without judgementBoys now more than ever, want space to explore and discuss topics that are impacting them, without fear of judgement or consequences. Reserve your own discomforts and judgements and create space in conversation for him to explore his thoughts. This will likely involve you needing to explore or reconsider your own perspectives. Be open to this or you risk creating a dynamic where he feels disempowered and like you are trying to tell him what he should believe.

4. Be curious about resistance Resistance in ourselves and in young men is because of a need not being met. Be curious about your own resistances as topics and opinions arise and allow the young men you're speaking with to explore their own resistances to emotions, ideas or people.

5. Ask them what they needDon’t assume that because a young man is speaking with you, that he needs your advice or help. Most often, he just wants to talk openly and be heard. Ask him what he needs and you can use that to decide what to do next.

Resources

Want to educate yourself more? Here are a few resources we’d recommend:

• Lost Connections (Book): Johann Hari

• Man Enough (Podcast): The Urgent Need for Compassion

• The Atlantic (Article): The Miseducation of the American Boy

There are ways to help young men navigate and grow despite the current challenges. Whether you’re an educator, a parent, a coach or a mentor, here are 5 ways you can support the young men in your life:

WHAT NEXT?

Future Research In the next edition of this report, we will be focusing on one of the key preventative factors in reducing poor mental health in young men — their relationships with each other. We will be asking young men what they really want to ask each other, why they don’t feel comfortable asking and we’ll be sharing their perspectives with you.

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The Man Cave Insights and Impact Report 2021

AuthorsMatt Defina (Head of Programs, Registered Organisational Psychologist)

Katie McLeod (Relationships Manager)

Dr Joy Townsend (External Research Contributor)

Contact UsFor media enquiries or to speak with one of our team about booking a program, please email hello@themancave.life.