Interpersonal AttractionChapter 10

Much of the day-to-day meaning in life comes from them.

People feel lonely and alienated without them

Why are relationships important?

Proximity/propinquity Mere exposure

Similarity Attitudes and values Physical appearance Interests demographics

Factors in Interpersonal Attraction

Physical Appearance/attractiveness

Reciprocal Liking

Familiarity Related to propinquity, similarity, and

reciprocal liking

Factors in Interpersonal Attraction

Stereotype: attractive people are more extraverted, sociable and popular They are more assertive, sexual, and happier

May be a self-fulfilling prophecy

What is Beautiful is Good

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory

1) passion

2) intimacy

3) commitment

What is love?

Companionate Love

Intimacy and affection without passion

Types of Love

Passionate Love

Intense longing with physiological arousal

Types of Love

Consummate Love

Involves passion, intimacy, and commitment

Types of Love

Cultural differences in Expectations and experience

Americans value passionate love Asian collectivist societies value companionate

love Romantic love is almost universal

Love is Universal

What Is Attachment?

Attachment – an emotional bond between two people

Styles usually based on experience with mother/caregiver as a baby

Style can be modified in adulthood

Attachment

When, how & why does Attachment develop?

By 6 months, infants show obvious signs of attachment to their mothers (primary caregivers)

Freud suggested that this is the foundation for all later relationships.

Psychoanalysts & behaviorists thought that feeding was the basis for attachment.

Harry Harlowe later demonstrated that “contact comfort” was the important variable.

Social Development

Harlow’s Surrogate Mother Experiments Monkeys preferred

contact with the comfortable cloth mother, even while feeding from the nourishing wire mother

Attachment & Later Development

Attachment provides inner feelings of affection & security.

Securely attached preschoolers were high in self-esteem, socially competent, cooperative and popular.

Avoidantly attached agemates were isolated and disconnected.

Resistantly attached agemates were disruptive and difficult.

Attachment Styles

Mary Ainsworth (1979) identified three attachment styles between infants and caregiver: Secure attachment style (70%) - caregiver is

responsive to infant’s needs; infant trusts caregiver Avoidant attachment style (20%) - caregiver is

distant or rejecting; infant suppresses desire to be close to caregiver

Ambivalent attachment style (10%) - caregiver is inconsistently available and overbearing with affection; infant clings anxiously to caregiver and then fights against closeness by pushing away

Links Between Attachment in Childhood and Close Relationships in

Adulthood

Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver (1987) examined continuity between childhood attachment and romantic relationships Securely attached infants are more likely to

have a secure attachment to adult romantic partner

Individuals with avoidant attachment style in childhood find it difficult to develop intimate relationship in adulthood

Individuals can revise attachment styles in adulthood

Types of Attachment in Adolescence

Secure autonomous Dismissing avoidant

Rejected by caregiver; deny importance of attachment; related to violent behavior

Preoccupied ambivalent Attachment seeking; parent inconsistently available;

high conflict Unresolved disorganized

Had traumatic experience; disoriented, fearful

Adult Attachment Styles

Secure – good relationships: trust; not concerned about being abandoned, sees self-as worthy, well-liked

Insecure avoidant – difficulty establishing relationships; quickly end relationships; suppresses attachment needs due to having been rebuffed

Ambivalent – less trusting, more jealous, tend to anger and emotional intensity, anxiety over concern that need for intimacy will not be reciprocated

Economic model of rewards and costs

Relationship satisfaction based on: Rewards and costs Relationship deserved Chances of a better relationship

Social Exchange Theory

Terms – Comparison level – expectations, relationship

satisfaction depends on this

Comparison level for alternatives – What are your chances of a better relationship? Also affects relationship satisfaction

Social Exchange Theory

The theory that relationship commitment depends on not only the comparison level and comparison level for alternatives, but on how much they have invested in the relationship and stand to lose if they leave.

Investment Model

The best relationships are those where both parties are making roughly equal contributions (and rewards = costs).

These relationships are the most stable and the happiest.

Equity Theory

Low cost, high reward

Does not devote enough time and effort to the relationship

One Person Over-benefitted

High-cost, low reward

Devotes much time and energy

Inequity more important to this person

One-person Underbenefitted

In America, the divorce rate is nearly 50% of the current marriage rate (Probably more realistically 30% overall).

Ending Relationships

Actively harming the relationship: Partner abuse Threatening to leave Leaving

Passively permitting deterioration: Ignoring partner refusing to deal with problems

Behavior in Troubled Relationships

Constructive BehaviorsPassive loyalty

waiting and being optimisticnot fighting, being supportive

Active Attempts to Improvediscussing problemsgoing to counselingtrying to change

Behavior in Troubled Relationships

Breakers feel less distress than breakers.

Try to make it mutual.

The Process of Breaking Up