intimate thoughts of love by darlene m. washington

Image by: Importageparks.com

Intimate

Thoughts of Love

By Darlene M. Fenrick WashingtonGuest Speaker at Olive-Harvey College

Class: SOCIOLOGY 203: Marriage and Family - Spring 2015Professor Cynthia L. Manns, MA, PhD(c)

Copyright DMW Publishing 2015

Intimate Thoughts of Love by Darlene M. Fenrick Washington Guest Speaker at Olive-Harvey College

Class: SOCIOLOGY 203: Marriage and Family - Spring 2015 Professor Cynthia L. Manns, MA, PhD(c)

Hi, I’m Darlene M. Fenrick Washington. I am an author of published and self-published works. I have been published in college newspapers, magazines and other. My works can be found at DMWBooks.com and RazzmatazzTV.com. I am an Alumni of Columbia College Chicago with a Bachelor of Arts Degree. A good part of my life has been spent in the private business sector in advertising and public relations. I am now engaging entertainment industry.

This is my colleague. Ms. Cynthia L. Manns, a full-time professor of sociology at Olive-Harvey College. She holds an MA, PhD(c). She has taught at Columbia College, Central Michigan University, and her Alma Mater Michigan State University. Ms. Manns is the author of a sociology textbook, and is currently working on a book about communications between men and women.



Today, we are going to discuss intimate thoughts of love, how we come to know love under normal and abnormal circumstances. So, I ask you, is love a part of acceptance into society? Here is a piece from Abnormal Psychology by Martin E.P. Seligman (University of Pennsylvania), Elaine F. Walker (Emory University) and David L. Rosenhan (Stanford University) (Fourth Edition), Chapter 1 p. 19-20



Abnormal PsychologyD. AbnormalityDefining Abnormality Today“How our understanding of abnormality is articulated depends on the beliefs that dominate in a culture (*the beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a

particular society, group, place, or time) and epoch (*a : an event or a time marked by an event that begins a new period or development b : a

memorable event or date.). Historically, people have used animistic, physical, and psychogenic theories to explain disordered behavior. Today, biological and psychological levels of analysis are the two most viable approaches that continue to be offered to understand abnormality.”

*Image by: Listverse.com

*Image by: En.GMW.cn



The Elements of Abnormality“The act of defining the word “abnormal” suggests that there is some single property that all cases of abnormality, must share. Such a shared, defining property is called a necessary condition.

Moreover, a precise definition of ‘abnormal’ requires that there be at least one distinguishing element that only cases of abnormality share and that no cases of ‘normality’ share. This is called a sufficient condition of abnormality.

*Image by: Google Images Yourarticlelibrary.com

Abnormal PsychologyD. AbnormalityDefining Abnormality Today



We will look at seven properties or elements that count toward deciding whether an action or person is abnormal. This analysis describes the way ordinary people and well-trained psychologists actually use the word. These elements of abnormality are:

-Suffering-Maladaptiveness-Irrationality-Unpredictability and loss of control-Rareness and unconventionality-Observer discomfort-Violation of standards The more of these elements that are present, and the more clearly each can be seen, the more certain we are that the behavior or person is abnormal. At least one of these elements must be present for abnormality to exist.”

*Not Included in Book

*Image by: Google Images TheHindu.com

*Image by: Google Images China.org.cn

Abnormal PsychologyD. AbnormalityDefining Abnormality Today



Preface

E. Acceptance, Medicine for the Mind

The question may be asked, “How does one become mentally ill?” The answer is quite a journey to define with biological and environmental stimuli affecting the outcome. While acceptance, besides nutrition, shelter and warmth, remain amongst the key things that keep a human infant alive, as the child grows, environment defines acceptance within the household and in society. The rule is conform or be considered abnormal. Society has been conditioned to conform through education, politics, religion, the media and traditional family values, anything or anyone that is considered different than ourselves or majority rule, fits into the “weird,” “abnormal” or “other” categories.

Essays of the Unspoken Mind



Non-conformity threatens acceptance, it’s easier to agree. Displacement emerges as an intangible self-object, individuals need acceptance so much that they displace their true feelings in order to conform and fit in. These feelings are rampant in any society, individualism suffers. Everyone wants to “copy” what’s already acceptable. (How do you get rejected, if everyone already likes what you’re trying to do?) This stigmatic induced, displaced anxiety (the unwillingness to be true to one’s self) forces minorities to be subliminally configured in the minds of others as abnormal or degenerative, because they are different.

*Image by: Google Images SpeechBuddy.com

*Image by: Google Images EmpoweringParents.com

PrefaceE. Acceptance, Medicine for the Mind




Accepting difference or diversity becomes an issue that can be observed on an individual basis. How can we truly become a diverse society, if we do not know and celebrate our very own individualism? Acceptance is medicine for the mind - it promotes and stimulates positive feelings. Those who choose to express their individualism can become dejected and viewed by society’s normal eye as “weird,” “mentally unstable” or “other.” And indeed some of them may be. However, “normal” is redefined per individual based on society’s acceptable legal, social and mental health factors. Displacement in an individual forces them to become fearful, suicidal or violent in what they might term “a hostile and threatening environment.”

*Image by: Google Images BeforeItsNews.com





Today, we must truly embrace diversity in order to prevent false conformity, in order to prevent religious, social and political class displaced anxiety in the form of 9-11 and the Columbine Shootings; in order to make an equal and economically beneficial world for everyone. Individualism will save the innovators of the future; true diversity will make acceptance of people’s differences a normal and respectable facet in society.

*Image by: UNR.edu

*Image by: Google Images Personnel.Ky.gov

*Not Included in Book





And how does acceptance of one’s self and other people’s differences cross over into love with respect to race, religion, and other cultural and social factors?

What do you accept as love?Is it when someone takes care of you, or takes care of you no matter what?

Is it when mom or dad buys you things and sends you off, or when they spend countless hours trying to help you understand your homework? Or is it both?

How about if the person will kill for you, do they love you then?

Die for you? How about then?

Image by: Google Images InterracialDatingCentral.com

Image by: Google Images TheDrVibesShow.com

Intimate Thoughts of Love

Image by: Mylifetime.com/shows/kosher-soul



Today, we are going to become intimate with love. We are going to see the different faces of love. Now, close your eyes, please don’t open them till I say so. I want you to only rely on what you hear me say as your mental intake. I want you to immerse yourself into each scenario become the receiver or giver of love in each circumstance. Quietly determine what’s acceptable to you.


Students from Sociology Class 203 Marriage and Family



Imagine being a newborn baby. You can’t do anything for yourself, so when you want something, you simply cry. Now, what happens if your cries go unanswered for extended periods of time? What kind of child might you be as you get older? Might you even die as babies need human touch to survive?


Image by: Google Images Dollkid.com

Image by: Google Images PracticingParents.com

Image by: Google Images LeaderPost.com



Now, imagine yourself as a child 5 or 6 years old defenseless against a sexual predator whom everyone likes and believes to be true and kind. You try to explain in your own words to your parents and to others what is happening to you, but they won’t listen because the accused is a rock star at what they do. Imagine how you might experience love when you grow up, if the situation is not stopped?


Image by: Google Images Imgarcade.com



You’re teen aged girl or boy and you’re in love. The person tells you they are ready for the big step, but you’re not. You don’t want to do that just yet. This person means the world to you and you don’t know what you’d do without them. Do you give in and let them have their way with you? Do you accept their actions as love?


Image by: Google Images MainlineToday.com

Image by: Google Images ChildrensMinistryOnline.com



You’re an adult, a woman, your husband makes love to you. You have several children and several years together. But ever so often, he beats you to a pulp. He beats you so bad each time you make him angry that you require medical attention and have to lie about your attacker’s motives. The police have been to your house like they frequent a bar, still you keep taking the beatings. Now, the court system wants to take your children away and deems you unfit as a mother. Still, you love your husband. Is that love?


Image by: Google Images TeakDoor.com



Now you’re that sexually abuse child and you’re having to go outside for recess. For some reason, the other kids don’t like you. They say you’re too quiet. You’re weird cause you won’t talk. The girls pull your hair and call you ugly and stupid. The boys throw rocks at you and spit at you and sometimes on you. And all the while this is happening, you’re thinking you shouldn’t be so weird. You should talk. You should play like everyone else. But you’re spirit is in a cage and it can’t get out. No one will unlock the chained up bird cage and let you out of the mockery of your situation. Do you feel loved?


Image by: Google Images MyKidsABrat.com



You’re a grown man now. But as a youth you killed someone in a grizzly crime. You wanted to prove a point, no one should mess with you. The judge gives you life in prison with no parole. You’re raped and now occasionally you help the rapist rape so they won’t rape you. You feel so small inside. You want to kill them and one day you fear you will. But on this day, you will die also because you will have killed again. Every day you pray to God to remove them. Every day you pray for guards who aren’t corrupt. Every day you pray to be set free. No one has visited you in over 30 years. You keep seeing your family’s faces. You imagine they love you again. You’re sorry. You’re so sorry, but no one will believe you. No one will ever love you again. This is how you feel.


Image by: Google Images PittsburghUrbanMedia.com

Image by: Google Images MassAppealsNews.com



You’re someone’s pet, a dog or a cat. Your owner comes home every day and depending on what kind of day they’ve had, you might get thrown against the wall, kicked in the face. Hit with a broom stick just for trying to rub against their leg. And when you look up at them, you wonder if they love you. You’ve run away countless times, but the neighbors keep bringing you back. No you just wait for death should it come, because you don’t know what else to do. When other cats or dogs come around, they won’t play with you or some of them do. They lay with you to help ease your sorrow. For a moment you feel love, until they leave. You’re trapped.


Image by: Google Images Blog.Gfader.com

Image by: Google Images PetFinder.com



You’re pregnant for the first time. The doctor tells you and you’re right in the middle of your career. The doctor also tells you that you can’t keep the baby. The baby is killing you. And you can’t choose between your life and the baby’s, and no one understands why. And all you can hear is the baby crying from the womb, begging for its life. Who do you love more, yourself or the child? Or would you rather risk it all?


Image by: Google Images Twitter.com - Tboz at the Mondrian



Now, you’re you again. How might you experience love? Maybe no tragedies have befallen you. Maybe you just fell in love with someone who didn’t love you back. It hurt so deeply in your mind, you will never love anyone again. No one will get the chance to hurt you again. Now, you only want sex. Has love left you? How can you get it back? Do you need it back?





Now open your eyes. Who are you? What are you worth? Why should anyone love you? Heterosexual, homosexual, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender, no matter who or what you are, you will transition through love. You will have to determine for yourself what is acceptable as love. I can only say that love should not destroy you; it should build you up, you should build your partner up. If you’re tearing each other down in a friendship, a familial situation, no matter the situation, seek counseling. If it doesn’t work, you should consider letting go. Define love as it matters to you. I find God’s love is never ending. No matter how imaginary or foolish someone may think it is. God exists in your body, mind and spirit. He is love.





Now, I’m going to ask you some of these questions again. I want you to be honest. Tell me either:

Yes, it’s love and why

No, it’s not love and why

It’s obsession or something else

No comment.


Speaker Darlene M. Fenrick Washington



What if I were to tell you that all of these scenarios were considered love? It’s love, but it’s abnormal love. In any of these situations if you were the giver or receiver of love or perceived love, by any legal or social standard, it would be marked as maladaptive love.

What we have learned is that each person will hopefully define love on their own terms whether they have grown to know a normal or abnormal version of what love is could ultimately make the difference in life and death situations.

We have also learned that society cannot grow to accept differences in people and the many variations of love in cultures around the world, if they do not first identify and respect themselves and their own differences. Even identical twins celebrate their likeness and individualities. We can’t all be twins, but we can all learn to accept life’s variations of love.




Professor Cynthia L. Manns, MA, PhD(c) and long-time friend for inviting me to speak to her Sociology Class on Marriage and Family at Olive-Harvey College.

A Special Thanks To

intimate thoughts of love by darlene m. washington

Education

olive harvey college

oliveharvey college

professor of sociology

professor cynthia

intimate thoughts of

college newspapers

family spring

intimatethoughts of