intimate thoughts of love ii - spring 2016

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IntimateThoughts of Love

By Darlene M. Fenrick WashingtonGuest Speaker at Olive-Harvey College

Class: SOCIOLOGY 203: Marriage and Family - Spring 2016

Professor Cynthia L. Manns, MA, PhD

Copyright DMW Publishing 2016

Intimate Thoughts of Love by Darlene M. Fenrick Washington Guest Speaker at Olive-Harvey College

Class: SOCIOLOGY 203: Marriage and Family - Spring 2016 Professor Cynthia L. Manns, MA, PhD

Hi, I’m Darlene M. Fenrick Washington. I am an author of published and self-published works. I have been published in college newspapers, magazines and other. My works can be found at DMWBooks.com and RazzmatazzTV.com. I am an Alumni of Columbia College Chicago with a Bachelor of Arts Degree. A good part of my life has been spent in the private business sector in advertising and public relations. I am now engaging entertainment industry.

This is my colleague. Ms. Cynthia L. Manns, a full-time professor of sociology at Olive-Harvey College. She holds an MA, PhD. She has taught at Columbia College, Central Michigan University, and her Alma Mater Michigan State University. Ms. Manns is the author of a sociology textbook, and is currently working on a book about communications between men and women.



Today, we are going to discuss intimate thoughts of love, how we come to know love under normal and abnormal circumstances. So, I ask you, is love a part of acceptance into society? Here is a piece from Abnormal Psychologyby Martin E.P. Seligman (University of Pennsylvania), Elaine F. Walker (Emory University) and David L. Rosenhan(Stanford University) (Fourth Edition), Chapter 1 p. 19-20



Abnormal Psychology

D. Abnormality

Defining Abnormality Today

“How our understanding of abnormality is

articulated depends on the beliefs that

dominate in a culture (*the beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a

particular society, group, place, or time) and epoch (*a : an event

or a time marked by an event that begins a new period or development b : a

memorable event or date.). Historically, people have

used animistic, physical, and psychogenic

theories to explain disordered behavior.

Today, biological and psychological levels

of analysis are the two most viable

approaches that continue to be offered to

understand abnormality.”

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The Elements of Abnormality

“The act of defining the word “abnormal”

suggests that there is some single property

that all cases of abnormality, must share.

Such a shared, defining property is called a

necessary condition.

Moreover, a precise definition of ‘abnormal’

requires that there be at least one

distinguishing element that only cases of

abnormality share and that no cases of

‘normality’ share. This is called a sufficient

condition of abnormality.

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Abnormal Psychology

D. Abnormality




We will look at seven properties or elements that count

toward deciding whether an action or person is

abnormal. This analysis describes the way ordinary

people and well-trained psychologists actually use the

word. These elements of abnormality are:

-Suffering

-Maladaptiveness

-Irrationality

-Unpredictability and loss of control

-Rareness and unconventionality

-Observer discomfort

-Violation of standards

The more of these elements that are present, and the

more clearly each can be seen, the more certain we

are that the behavior or person is abnormal. At least

one of these elements must be present for abnormality

to exist.”

*Not Included in Book

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Abnormal Psychology

D. Abnormality




Preface

E. Acceptance, Medicine for the Mind

The question may be asked, “How does one

become mentally ill?” The answer is quite a

journey to define with biological and

environmental stimuli affecting the outcome.

While acceptance, besides nutrition, shelter

and warmth, remain amongst the key things

that keep a human infant alive, as the child

grows, environment defines acceptance

within the household and in society. The rule

is conform or be considered abnormal.

Society has been conditioned to conform

through education, politics, religion, the

media and traditional family values, anything

or anyone that is considered different than

ourselves or majority rule, fits into the “weird,”

“abnormal” or “other” categories.

Essays of the Unspoken Mind



Non-conformity threatens acceptance, it’s easier to agree. Displacement emerges as an intangible self-object, individuals need acceptance so much that they displace their true feelings in order to conform and fit in. These feelings are rampant in any society, individualism suffers. Everyone wants to “copy” what’s already acceptable. (How do you get rejected, if everyone already likes what you’re trying to do?) This stigmatic induced, displaced anxiety (the unwillingness to be true to one’s self) forces minorities to be subliminally configured in the minds of others as abnormal or degenerative, because they are different.

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Preface





Accepting difference or diversity becomes an issue that can be observed on an individual basis. How can we truly become a diverse society, if we do not know and celebrate our very own individualism? Acceptance is medicine for the mind - it promotes and stimulates positive feelings. Those who choose to express their individualism can become dejected and viewed by society’s normal eye as “weird,” “mentally unstable” or “other.” And indeed some of them may be. However, “normal” is redefined per individual based on society’s acceptable legal, social and mental health factors. Displacement in an individual forces them to become fearful, suicidal or violent in what they might term “a hostile and threatening environment.”

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Preface





Today, we must truly embrace diversity in order to prevent false conformity, in order to prevent religious, social and political class displaced anxiety in the form of 9-11 and the Columbine Shootings; in order to make an equal and economically beneficial world for everyone. Individualism will save the innovators of the future; true diversity will make acceptance of people’s differences a normal and respectable facet in society.

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*Not Included in Book

Preface





And how does acceptance of one’s self

and other people’s differences cross

over into love with respect to race,

religion, and other cultural and social

factors?

What do you accept as love?

Is it when someone takes care of you, or

takes care of you no matter what?

Is it when mom or dad buys you things and

sends you off, or when they spend

countless hours trying to help you

understand your homework? Or is it both?

How about if the person will kill for you, do

they love you then?

Die for you? How about then?

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Intimate Thoughts of Love

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Today, we are going to become

intimate with love. We are going

to see the different faces of love.

Now, close your eyes, please

don’t open them till I say so. I

want you to only rely on what

you hear me say as your mental

intake. I want you to immerse

yourself into each scenario

become the receiver or giver of

love in each circumstance.

Quietly determine what’s

acceptable to you.


Students from Sociology Class 203 Marriage and Family



Imagine being a newborn baby.

You can’t do anything for yourself,

so when you want something, you

simply cry. Now, what happens if

your cries go unanswered for

extended periods of time? What

kind of child might you be as you

get older? Might you even die as

babies need human touch to

survive?


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Now, imagine yourself as a child 5 or

6 years old defenseless against a

sexual predator whom everyone likes

and believes to be true and kind. You

try to explain in your own words to

your parents and to others what is

happening to you, but they won’t

listen because the accused is a rock

star at what they do. Imagine how

you might experience love when you

grow up, if the situation is not

stopped?


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You’re teen aged girl or boy and

you’re in love. The person tells you

they are ready for the big step, but

you’re not. You don’t want to do that

just yet. This person means the

world to you and you don’t know what

you’d do without them. Do you give

in and let them have their way with

you? Do you accept their actions as

love?


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You’re an adult, a woman, your

husband makes love to you. You have

several children and several years

together. But ever so often, he beats

you to a pulp. He beats you so bad

each time you make him angry that you

require medical attention and have to lie

about your attacker’s motives. The

police have been to your house like

they frequent a bar, still you keep taking

the beatings. Now, the court system

wants to take your children away and

deems you unfit as a mother. Still, you

love your husband. Is that love?


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Now you’re that sexually abuse child and

you’re having to go outside for recess.

For some reason, the other kids don’t

like you. They say you’re too quiet.

You’re weird cause you won’t talk. The

girls pull your hair and call you ugly and

stupid. The boys throw rocks at you and

spit at you and sometimes on you. And

all the while this is happening, you’re

thinking you shouldn’t be so weird. You

should talk. You should play like

everyone else. But you’re spirit is in a

cage and it can’t get out. No one will

unlock the chained up bird cage and let

you out of the mockery of your situation.

Do you feel loved?


Image by: Google Images MyKidsABrat.com



You’re a grown man now. But as a youth you

killed someone in a grizzly crime. You

wanted to prove a point, no one should mess

with you. The judge gives you life in prison

with no parole. You’re raped and now

occasionally you help the rapist rape so they

won’t rape you. You feel so small inside.

You want to kill them and one day you fear

you will. But on this day, you will die also

because you will have killed again. Every

day you pray to God to remove them. Every

day you pray for guards who aren’t corrupt.

Every day you pray to be set free. No one

has visited you in over 30 years. You keep

seeing your family’s faces. You imagine they

love you again. You’re sorry. You’re so sorry,

but no one will believe you. No one will ever

love you again. This is how you feel.


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You’re someone’s pet, a dog or a cat. Your

owner comes home every day and

depending on what kind of day they’ve

had, you might get thrown against the wall,

kicked in the face. Hit with a broom stick

just for trying to rub against their leg. And

when you look up at them, you wonder if

they love you. You’ve run away countless

times, but the neighbors keep bringing you

back. No you just wait for death should it

come, because you don’t know what else

to do. When other cats or dogs come

around, they won’t play with you or some

of them do. They lay with you to help ease

your sorrow. For a moment you feel love,

until they leave. You’re trapped.


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You’re pregnant for the first time.

The doctor tells you and you’re right

in the middle of your career. The

doctor also tells you that you can’t

keep the baby. The baby is killing

you. And you can’t choose between

your life and the baby’s, and no one

understands why. And all you can

hear is the baby crying from the

womb, begging for its life. Who do

you love more, yourself or the child?

Or would you rather risk it all?


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Now, you’re you again. How might

you experience love? Maybe no

tragedies have befallen you.

Maybe you just fell in love with

someone who didn’t love you

back. It hurt so deeply in your

mind, you will never love anyone

again. No one will get the chance

to hurt you again. Now, you only

want sex. Has love left you? How

can you get it back? Do you need

it back?





Now open your eyes.

Who are you? What are you worth? Why

should anyone love you? Heterosexual,

homosexual, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender,

no matter who or what you are, you will

transition through love. You will have to

determine for yourself what is acceptable as

love. I can only say that love should not

destroy you; it should build you up, you

should build your partner up. If you’re

tearing each other down in a friendship, a

familial situation, no matter the situation,

seek counseling. If it doesn’t work, you

should consider letting go. Define love as it

matters to you. I find God’s love is never

ending. No matter how imaginary or foolish

someone may think it is. God exists in your

body, mind and spirit. He is love.





Now, I’m going to ask you some of

these questions again. I want you to

be honest. Tell me either:

Yes, it’s love and why

No, it’s not love and why

It’s obsession or something else

No comment.


Speaker Darlene M. Fenrick Washington



What if I were to tell you that all of these

scenarios were considered love? It’s love, but

it’s abnormal love. In any of these situations if

you were the giver or receiver of love or

perceived love, by any legal or social standard,

it would be marked as maladaptive love.

What we have learned is that each person will

hopefully define love on their own terms

whether they have grown to know a normal or

abnormal version of what love is could

ultimately make the difference in life and death

situations.

We have also learned that society cannot grow

to accept differences in people and the many

variations of love in cultures around the world,

if they do not first identify and respect

themselves and their own differences. Even

identical twins celebrate their likeness and

individualities. We can’t all be twins, but we

can all learn to accept life’s variations of love.




Professor Cynthia L. Manns, MA, PhD

and long-time friend for inviting me to

speak to her Sociology Class on

Marriage and Family at

Olive-Harvey College.

A Special Thanks To

intimate thoughts of love ii - spring 2016

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