8/12/2019 Jean Vanier Expresses That Welcoming the Child in His Wholeness

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Jean Vanier expresses that welcoming the child in his wholeness, acknowledging his

beauty and talents and responding to his needs for true growth and liberation is the responsibility

of every parent (35). If parents carry out this duty, the child will receive sufficient love by means

of appropriate care and education to be liberated. Liberation is therefore the result of the latter

and refers to self-control and the development of talents and positive character traits which can

further lead to a fulfilled life. Bowlby, Erikson, Pieper and Pieper and Miller also provide

parenting guidelines of which most tend to be in accordance with Vaniers three dimensions of

parental love: caring, educating and liberating. However, some of these authors provide parents

with child nurturing suggestions that are contradictory to those of Vanier andmay result

detrimental to the child if they are carried out. This paper will therefore examine in detail the

strengths and weaknesses of these authors guidelines relative to Vaniers three dimensions of

parental love.

Although Vanier and Bowlbys parenting guidelines share many common ideas,

Bowlbys suggestions lack a spiritual element. Both authors emphasize the importance of active

mother and father figures in child rearing and state that confident and happy children are the

product of such (Bowlby 2, 11). Vanier further relates that is it insufficient for both parents to be

active in the childs life but that father and mother must be united or in complete accord so as

to produce a healthy child (27). This rationale bears an indispensable truth that Bowlby fails to

recognize and is therefore a relative flaw of his text. What good can parents who are in constant

conflict bring to a child? Bowlby is in agreement with Vanier when he underlines that educating

a child can be challenging for parents as it requires much time, patience and attention (2). He

suggests that parents often find it easier to carry out a task for their child rather than teaching the

child how to carry it out himself. Vanier explains whythis failure to educate is problematic; it

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produces a child who is demanding and dependent and thus deficient in self-confidence (31).

Bowlbys guidelines, however, fall short of an explaination for as to why education and care are

crucial for a childs development. An significant point that both Vanier and Bowlby relate is the

importance of not offering love only when the child is well-behaved or does something good and

withdrawing it or threatening to do so when he misbehaves (Vanier 24, Bowlby 147). This is a

strength on Bowlbys part as he recognizes that it is vital for the child to receive constant love,

support and encouragement. Unlike Vanier who tells us that it is through education and patient

discipline, not the withdrawal of love that the child will learn to behave correctly, Bowlby does

not provide an alternative solution (Vanier 31). Although Bowlby and Vaniers parenting

guidelines are fairly similar, Bowlby is vague in offering alternatives and solutions or even

explanations as to why children should be cared for and educated for the purpose of finding

mental and spiritul liberation.

Although Erik Eriksons parenting guidelines are much more rigid and systematic than

those of Vanier, they do share various points. Erikson provides an interesting discourse on what

he refers to as guidance which is comparable to Vaniers notion of education.