lemony smile @ synopsis & screenplay how to make a film

8/14/2019 Lemony Smile @ Synopsis & Screenplay How to Make a Film

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Lemony Smile Synopsis

This film is based around a daytime chat show like Trisha but it is specifically aimed at the Jeremy Kyleshow. It will therefore include characteristics of that show but created so that they emphasise why theshow is promoting terrible values. The familiarities of the film to the chat show format will make theaudience laugh through identification but also realise how they are being fooled/blinded by the lights.The purpose of this film is to stop people watching this rubbish and calling the people who are on it idiotsas they are the real idiots who are the reason that it continues to exist. The creation of a plot that is fairlycredible will help to get the message across, as will scenes that stick in the mind (next viewing of realshow is with open eyes).

The film begins with a homeless bloke being refused entry to the studio where Lemony Smile is beingfilmed then progresses through corridors to the episode. Plot/episode is of a son that has been hitting hismum with video cassettes. This is lemony smile. Yes Richard Wright is suing me for nicking his actand yes I do think I am Edward Nortons cooler brother. Smile sits down in chair with comfortable bodylanguage and explains as typical (preacher). Lemony questions the son in the usual way as to highlighthis predictability. The son shows a degree of intelligence and Smile cuts the show to have a go at him andhe verbally abuses the son and goes to hit the mother. An audience member on their camera thatintentionally shakes as if a non-professional is capturing it records all this. Smile comes back to the showwith a rant about political correctness stopping her from hitting the son (am I speaking sense or am I not,audience claps, do the right thing, I remember when I was young, but I turned out alright, claps). Soncomplains that he did not do it and that the bruises are just makeup, but what about this sound footage wecaptured earlier today from your house. Son threatening the mother. Lemony: during my time at MI5 wehad to investigate many situations like this and that is definitely the videotape hitting a jawbone, holdsface & nods head seriously, audience behind claps. I did not do it (son gets upset). See how the

politically correct have fallen.

Smile orders a lie detector test as the ultimate proof whilst selling the features of their detector to theaudience over other shows units (unit looks like junk/represents something). Asks a series of questions

to son (Smile now dressed in white coat & glasses) and sends him home with personalised merchandise(grinning photo sellotaped to mug/t-shirt with black marker signature). Another soul has saved today butthe everlasting battle against fear continues, let us not celebrate yet my children and apprentices of thefight for what is right (grinning, clenched fist, we are getting there though, dont lose the faith). This

bloke has never seen real fear. Smile, shut up you mere peasant for I am speaking, thats better. In other news, lets have another caller because without your opinions this show is nothing. Smile is pleasant tocaller and caller is very courteous/thankful.

Our next victims come from an area 2 minutes down the road from me and so I am clearly superior tothem (typical voice usage). The husband has cheated on wife with her sister. Smile lays into the husbandand gets the crowd right behind him whilst talking about the sanctity of marriage. During this time he

consistently plays with his wedding ring (close up of hand several times). Uses the ring as an excuse for his actions (this ring means that/represents). His wife sees this on a monitor backstage and turns up out of the blue surprising him into becoming very defensive. He claims that she is not his wife. She lays intohim and mentions his criminal record the fact that are not married, his affairs, the heroin addiction, thefact that he used to be a politician (she has a picture of his political win in her pocket) etc. He gets soangry that he punches her and is dragged off by 3 security guards. (cut to people at home, shocked thencheering later i.e. Truman Show). She calms down after being mass hugged and is asked her name whichis then chanted by the crowd. She is carried off the stage.

Copyright Perry Barnes 2008 All Rights Reserved in All Media


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She is called to an executive meeting and offered a large sum of money to present the show from nextweek. A montage sequence shows her transformation (represents the change into always never). Shedoes present the show but does not look comfortable with her lines. She tries to change them from theautocue version but the show is stopped. She sounds like Smile on a few occasions and is told so by thecrew/audience. She thinks she hears people call her a traitor. Turns round and the person clearly did notsay anything. She then hears shortly after every tear is false and makes a big point of it so the audiencemake comments like shes losing the plot isnt she. She eventually tirades the audience with a SouthPark type message walks off.

The audience finds another saviour, either in the form of the people at home or the studio audience. Bigtitle of the beginning instead of the end.



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Lemony Smile Screenplay

1. EXT. HIGH STREET. DAY

A HOMELESS MAN is sitting on a sheet of cardboard against a wall asleep. His clothes are ripped andhe is wearing no shoes. He looks as though he has been on the streets for a significant period of time.

The high street can be a location that has the right feel about it but preferably the audience can identifywith the location. However the location should not be a shopping centre or transport point, as the

audience needs to empathise with the Homeless Man.

The Homeless Man wakes up, examines his surroundings and is confronted with reality once more. He feels cold.

HOMELESS MAN(Half awake shivering)

Wheres my bloody bag gone?

A flash back of the previous night shows that he dropped it in a building after running from a SECURITYGUARD and he had slept near to the building as to pick it up in the morning.

A speeded up shot that shakes from left to right moves us to a long shot of the door into the buildingwhich is protected by a security guard who is on the right side of the shot/doors. The Homeless Manwalks into shot from the left side and stops at half a Medium close-up (SB1). The Security Guard slowly/confidently walks to the center of the door, turns to face the Homeless Man and folds his arms whilstgrinning.

Cut to a close up of the Security Guard grinning/smirking. Then cut to a short very close-up of the

HOMELESS MAN

(Distressed)

Please could I go inside for a moment as I have left my bag in there?

SECURITY GUARD

(Smirking)

Im afraid that wont be possible

HOMELESS MAN

(Emotional)

That bag has everything I own in it



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SECURITY GUARD

Im just doing my job mate

HOMELESS MAN

Well when can I get it back then?

SECURITY GUARD

Unfortunately you cant get it back. Company policy. Its probably in the rubbish by now anyway.

Cut to an extreme close up of the Homeless mans eyes then cut to a Medium shot.

The Homeless Man is incredibly angry during these shots e.g. shaking and possibly going red. Hecharges at the Security Guard and briefly winds him but is then grabbed around the throat and thrownonto the floor. This cuts to a very close-up of the Homeless Mans face and him being picked up by theSecurity Guard. The Security Guard moves the Homeless Man into a back alley and then proceeds back to his position.

The camera moves on a speeded up shot complete with left/right shaking through the doors and slowsright down to examine the Homeless Mans bag. The camera also stops to examine other possiblyimportant/symbolic items that it encounters before it continues to a bright white light that it slowly passesthrough.

2. INT. TV STUDIO or FILMING LOCATION. DAY

The light shot dissolves into an extreme long shot of the studio from the back of the room (diagonal).There are strong lights moving from one side of the room and back to the other and a regular sized crowd/the appearance of. A VOICEOVER announcer that speaks in a big voice can be heard during this shotintroducing the show.

VOICEOVER Welcome to the latest instalment of the show thats got everybody and their cousins uncles brother talking. The show that fixes lives for the better and coincidentally entertains the masses at the same time.And what would this show be without a qualified childcare assistant. Camera cuts to a low angle shot of aset of stairs. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you, Lemony Smmillle.



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LEMONY SMILE is 30 to 40 years old and wears a suit/shoes. He has the mannerisms of someone whois very confident/assured with himself. Lemony Smile quickly walks down the stairs and proceeds to thecenter of the stage where he bows twice to both sides of the audience and then the center of the audience.He smiles a yellowy smile and points at the camera with both fingers (one further back as is one leg). Heturns around and walks back to his red/blue comfy chair. He sits very comfortably with crossed legs andhis arm supporting his head.

LEMONY SMILE

(Happy expression & serious tone)

Hi, Im Lemony Smile. Yes Richard Wright is suing me for nicking his act and yes I do think ImEdward Nortons cooler brother. Todays show is of a case that is particularly close to my heart. Im surethat the viewers at home remember chapter 3 of my best selling award-winning autobiography. Thechapter where I stood up to my stepfather after watching him abuse my mother for years is the one Ireference, for those not acquainted with literature. A reversal of roles has taken place in our next case asthis single parent is being abused by her own flesh and blood. Audience boos and throws bottles. I know.Holds one hand to his chest whilst shaking his head and then takes a deep breath whilst looking at the

floor. I believed that the last series had stopped this kind of behaviour, but clearly I was wrong. Times aticking so lets meet the perpetrators. Mrs Ideal and her son, Sitting Duck!

Lemony Smile gets out of his chair and stands by the audience. The MOTHER walks to the chair on theright of the shot whilst the son walks to the chair on the left of the shot. The audience emphatically cheersthe MOTHER who looks like a typical 40 something dole-class tart. The audience then precedes to

jeer/boo the SON who is wearing a suit, a pair of glasses and holding a copy of the book fight club in onehand.

LEMONY SMILE

Welcome to todays progression, both of you. Lets start with Mrs Ideal and Im very sorry but my producer has failed to get your first name for me. Could you inform us all of how you were christened.

MOTHER

Im not a Christian, naaa never have been. The women round the corner from me knew someone whowas a few years back. But he went and died. Poor old bugger only 97 he was. Only the good die young.A? Im still waiting to snuff it so that people dont think Im in league with Satan. You know. Yeahyeah, I know. Aint like the days when Churchill was on the throne. The days when you could lend your front door to a burglar and get it back by 6 oclock that evening. No doubt about them. Was there?

LEMONY SMILE

(Look of amazement)

Can I just say that you are the most extra ordinary character I think weve ever had on this show? Can we please have a round of applause for this lady here?



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The audience go wild with some standing on their feet. The Mother looks embarrassed and goes a bit redin the face.

LEMONY SMILE

Can I ask you what is your secret to being so full of life and vigour? We all know that Guinness and redwine are an essential part of a healthy diet, but do you possess some other knowledge to add to the never-ending question of health?

MOTHER

Well Lemony, my mother always used to say to me get to bed before nine or father Christmas would bring me a frozen trout. And I swear with the lord of the dance as my witness Ive never been ill sincethen.

LEMONY SMILEWhat a fantastic story. Can we please have another round of applause for this marvel of modern science?

Audience claps again less enthusiastically and the camera cuts to a mid shot of Lemony in the crowd who begins speaking over the clapping

LEMONY SMILE

What a contradiction we have on our left here! Cut to a mid shot of the Son. So Duck, how long haveyou been abusing your mother for. The crowd boos and shouts things out. All right you lot. Calm down.You havent even given him a chance to explain his excuse yet! Begin and proceed to explain in your own time. Smile looks at watch.

SON

I agreed to appear on this show today as my university has broken up for the year and Im up to date withmy dissertations. Im not quite sure of the accusations of which you have levelled at myself. Do you notneed some form of proof before I am labelled an outcast from society?

LEMONY SMILESo as well as being a supporter of violence over diplomacy you are also draining the country of preciousfunds that could be being spent on weapons of mass destruction. Cut to close up of Son looking bemused.Our country could be fully protected right now from the terrorists but your time wasting quest for justenough education to perform is preventing this from ever occurring. The crowd breaks into a it had to besaid clap. Im sorry, but this political correctness has to stop.



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SON

Are you being serious? All of you? Looks at Smile. Particularly you. Youre just saying random factsin a coherent manner and those sheep are clapping!

LEMONY SMILE

Can we cut it there for the moment? Makes neck cutting motion. Thanks lads.

Smile walks across the studio to where the Son is, grabs him by his tie and yanks him out of the chair thus peanutting him. Smile wraps the tie around the Sons neck and sits down in his chair.

LEMONY SMILE

(Quietly)

Remind me whose show is this anyway

SON

(Choking)

Yours.

LEMONY SMILE

Thats right and if you forget this piece of salient information you will be worse of than now.Understand?

The Son attempts to answer but is still choking and the Mother begins to say things to Lemony when sherealises that she would look bad without speaking.

MOTHER

(Concerned front)

Stop it youre hurting him. I mean it stop it now. If you dont I swear to God

Cut to a very close up of Lemony and he turns his head, which is shaking/red. Cut to a medium long 2shot of Lemony and the Son. Lemony lets go of the tie and the Son hits the floor on his front. Lemonygoes to hit the Mother but is stopped by a security guard. Lemony stares at the women before walking off for a makeup top up. Lemony is surrounded by several people (difficult to get to).



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LEMONY SMILE

Bloody peasants! Theyre lucky I even let them on this show! Looks at the Mother. Yes Im talking toyou. How many other peasants are there here today? Hmmm?

The Mother stares blankly at Smile whilst the Son rubs his marked neck. A member of the productioncrew tells Lemony that they are back on in 30 seconds.

LEMONY SMILE

(Prolonged stare)

Hopefully Ive made myself clear

The people move back to their original positions before the Smile enforced cut. The production crew tryto return the Son to his original appearance (his tie, hair and suit). Back from cut those sheep areclapping!

LEMONY SMILE

Congratulations. You have learnt some words whilst sponging off the state. Ill clap you for that. Heslowly claps the Son. I think that the answer to this problem is clearly some old fashioned, traditional,mass, easy to understand, audience-identifying pain. If Mrs Ideal had been in a stronger legal position shecould have knocked some sense out of her child who now unfortunately thinks for himself. Thesedemocratic thoughts stretch so far that he cannot restrict himself from harming his own birth centre.

SON

You still havent told me what Ive done

LEMONY SMILE

Of course theres what youve done but its society as a whole that has failed us. Political correctness isthe evil of the 21 st century just as communism was the plague of the 20 th. I have my own life to worryabout but I feel that if no one fights for this cause then this country and maybe even the world is at adefinable risk of changing indefinitely. Therefore I must fight at grass roots level to stop this now. Nottomorrow!

The audience gives Lemony a round of applause. Lemony encourages them then does a Bruce Forsythside on stance before clapping himself.



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LEMONY SMILE

My mum, god rest her soul used to hit me when I did wrong. I hated it at the time but I realised aroundthe time of writing my book that it ensured I became the person I am today.

Lemony looks at the bottom right of his screen then breaks into a posed smile as a person walks across thescreen with a WH Smith logo and says available now at WH Smiths. Smiles eyes follow the personoff the screen.

SON

(Angry)

Right! This is your last chance. Tell me why Im here or Im leaving.

The Son gets out of the chair and stares at Smile whilst proceeding to the door. He does not break eyecontact with Smile as neither does Smile with him. Son breaks eye contact just before he exits the door

and is suddenly answered by Smile.

LEMONY SMILE

I will inform you of your crime. Please be seated. The Son smiles and returns to his seat. Of coursewithout actually judging our candidates nothing will be achieved. The Ducks slippery nature is notenough to avoid our collective judgement. Please Michael can we have a close up on Mrs Ideals face.Cut to a tracking close up of Mothers face and the camera hits her in the face. Hopefully the people athome can see why the audience have been gasping in horror.

SON(Bit worried)

Come on? Thats just makeup and your camera hitting her didnt help either.

LEMONY SMILE

Demon ocracy will decide this one. Unfortunately demon ocracy is biased against fascists andcommunists although I dont think we can currently decide which of these the Duck actually is. But wecan decide how the Duck should perish. Die or fry? Cast your voice now!

Smile launches a F. Mercury pose/fist to signal the audience. Die, die, die they chant. Several shotsshow that the Son looks quite nervous now.



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LEMONY SMILE

Due to the wonders of modern gramophones we at the Lemony Smile show can now record evidence that proves our victims are guilty beyond reasonable doubt. This pioneering technology is being road tested by the US military exclusively with this show and no other inferior clones. Just listen to this sound basedsource.

The sound of a man and women who speak something like the Son & Mother can be heard coming fromsome speakers that cant be seen. Son & Mother argue over whose turn it is to wash the spoons, as they

both want to do it (left till the end as they are their favourites). The Son eventually gets angry and thesound of a videotape hitting a person can be heard. The camera cuts to various people during this soundand they are eventually all very shocked. A dissolve or a flashing between 2 different shots, shot should

be used at the end of the sound clip.

LEMONY SMILE

(Clear/Concise)

I gather that were all still a bit shocked by what we just heard. Puts his hand on a womens shoulder andasks. Are you alright dear? She replies a bit jumpy but Im holding up and the Mother then asks her if shes alright. Shouting pensioner banter starts and finishes with laughter/repeats as it always does.Lemony holds the womens shoulder tightly and pulls a serious lip. To confirm what you just heard Imust inform you of my past. During my time for king and country at MI5 we had to investigate manysituations like this. From my experiences there I can definitely say that the weapon used was a videotape(audience gasp) and the main area of contact for the instrument was the jawbone. Lemony holds his faceand nods his head seriously.

SON

These accusations are not true and you have no concrete evidence that they are except an easily led homeaudience. The audience boos him as he is speaking.

LEMONY SMILE

OK Jack. You have one last chance. The ultimate proof of truth will be unveiled as this is a specialcircumstance that requires its definitive judgement. Ladies and gentlepersons I introduce you to the LieResonator 2006.

The Lie Resonator 2006 is shown in darkness on a table and is then illuminated as Smile introduces it.

VOICEOVER

The new version of the award winning Lie Resonator features a built in tea maker and alarm clock as wellas a reduced price for eligible organisations. Americas best selling consumerist crap is now available for Roger Waters flock, complete with a special offer if you order now. A free broken watch with every 5units ordered.



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A broken watch is shown on screen. Lemony is handed a white coat and he pulls some glasses out of the pocket, which he places on his face. Whilst hes doing this, the Lie Resonator is being moved onto a table between the Son and the Mother. The Resonator is connected to the Sons finger using a wire of sometype. Lemony is also handed/acquires a clipboard which he proceeds to read questions from.

LEMONY SMILE

Firstly Duck, do you fully consent to this machine being used for this purpose.

SON

Yes I do.

LEMONY SMILE

I will therefore proceed with the first question. How often do you watch the Lemony Smile show?

SON

Ive seen it once before now. I would rather read a book

The machine gives some kind of indication as to whether the answer is true or not. Possibly a noise, voiceor LED.

LEMONY SMILE

Admitting you have a problem is the first stage of removing political correctness and so the answer youshared will yield further progress. Question 2, have you ever enjoyed reading a newspaper?

SON

Occasionally the Independent or maybe the Big Issue if I really want to be challenged.

LEMONY SMILE

Have you ever got so drunk that you are happy for most of the next day?

SON

I did that last week in celebration of the end of term.



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LEMONY SMILE

Did you hit your Mother with a videotape repeatedly after losing your rational abilities?

SON

(Confidently)

No I definitely did not.

The Lie Resonator indicates that he is lying. The audience lets out a collective gasp. The Son looks at themachine in disbelief.

SON

What!? But I

Lemony Smile smiles, but without showing his front teeth. He then proceeds to look at the floor with hishands in his pockets still grinning.

LEMONY SMILE

Do you plan to hit her using the same weapon if she thinks for herself again?

The Son is slouched over holding his hands together and looks nervous.

SON

(Stuttering)

No, no I never would. I wont do it. I never did it

The Lie Resonator goes off again, possibly more noisily and with more movement than before. The shotsused indicate the added stress e.g. and extreme close up of the Sons forehead. Lemony stops smiling andannounces

LEMONY SMILELet us all who have gathered here today see how the politically correct have fallen. Hopefully this willserve as a warning to those still infected. Lemony stares into the camera. You will be cured. Oh yes.

Nobody goes home empty handed from the show. We do not discriminate. Everybody goes home with aLemony Smile mug and T-shirt. Audience claps as the products are displayed or modelled. The Son isshown with his head in his hands and the Mother has a zombified/vegetable smile on her face. Lemonystops smiling and says. Now get out! Both of you! A security guard walks on and then escorts them off



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the stage. They look back at Lemony. Talk to the producer about your sizes. Lemony turns to thecamera whilst standing in the audience and continues. Another soul has been saved today, but theeverlasting battle against fear continues. Let us not celebrate yet, my children and apprentices of the fightfor what is right. Lemony has a determined look on his face and clenches his fist.

Anyone who wants to make this into a film can when they write my name in the credits and send me a

copy.

Dr Perry Barnes

[email protected]

07963960499

mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]

lemony smile @ synopsis & screenplay how to make a film

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