lesson 3b the core of counseling

The Core of Counseling

Counseling is a skill. You learn it by doing.

Dr. Danny B. Medina

The Goals of Counseling

1.Relief from symptoms.2.Self-understanding.3.Learning new skills.4.Help in changing behavior.

The Goals of Counseling

5.Resolving conflict.6.Support and

encouragement.7.Spiritual growth.8.Self-development.

The Relationship in Counseling

At the core of effective counseling is a relationship marked by warmth, genuineness, and empathy.

Skills in Counseling1. Attending Skills.

a) eye contact—looking without staring as a way to convey concern and understanding.


b) posture, which should be relaxed rather than tense (nobody feels comfortable with an up-tight counselor) and may involve at least occasional leaning toward the counselee.


c) Gestures, including head nods, that are natural but not excessive or distracting.

Skills in Counseling2. Listening Skills

a.Being able to set aside your own conflicts, biases, and preoccupations so you can concentrate on what the counselee is communicating.

b.Avoiding subtle verbal or nonverbal expressions of disapproval or judgment about what is being said, even when the content is offensive or shocking.


c. Using both your eyes and your ears to detect messages that come from the tone of voice, pace of talking, ideas that are repeated, posture, gestures, facial expressions, and other clues apart from what the person is saying.

d.Hearing not only what the counselee says, but noticing what gets left out.


e. Noticing the counselee’s physical characteristics and general appearance such as grooming and dress.

f. Waiting patiently through periods of silence or tears as the counselee summons enough courage to share something painful or pauses to collect his or her thoughts and regain composure.


g. Looking at the counselee as he or she speaks, but without either staring or letting our eyes wander around the room.

h. Realizing that you can accept the counselee, even though you may not condone his or her actions, values, or beliefs. Sometimes, it can be helpful to imagine yourself in the counselee’s situation and attempt to see things from his or her point of view.

Skills in Counseling3. Responding Skills

a. Leading is a skill that lets the counselor gently direct the conversation.

“What happened next?” “Tell me what you mean by …? “Then what?” “come back to the thing you were telling me before.…”


b. Reflecting is a way of letting counselees know that we are “with them” and able to understand how they feel or think.“You must feel …,” “I bet that was

frustrating,” “That must have been fun,” “You must think …” or “I hear you saying …”


c. Summarizing what has been going on also can be a way of reflecting and stimulating more counselee exploration.

“that must have hurt, ” “from all of this it sounds as though you have had a whole

string of failures”


d. Supporting and encouraging are important parts of any counseling situation, especially at the beginning.


e. Interpreting involves explaining to the counselee what his or her behavior or other events mean.

Skills in Counseling4. Questioning SkillsThe best questions are those that require at least a few sentences to answer (e.g., “Tell me about your marriage.” “What sorts of things are making you unhappy?”) rather than those that can be answered in one

word (“Are you married?” “Are you unhappy?” “What is your age?”).

Skills in Counseling4. Questioning Skills

Prompting and probing are special forms of questioning that help people talk in more

detail about themselves. These prompts and probes may not always sound like questions; sometimes they are more like interjections.

Examples are “Tell me more about that?” “What happened then?” “So … ?” “Then … ?” “What do you mean by ‘the things that’ … ?”

This means that … ?”

Skills in Counseling6. Teaching Skills

The counselor is an educator who uses different ways to teach: instruction,

modeling, telling brief stories, pointing to movies or video recordings that can be helpful, and guiding counselees as they

learn by experience to deal with the problems of life.

Skills in Counseling6. Teaching Skills

a. The immediacy responseThe ability of a counselor and counselee to

discuss openly and directly what is happening in the “immediate” here-and-now of the relationship. “I think our conversation has stalled,” a counselor might say, for example, or “I feel that you are resisting every thing that I say.”

Skills in Counseling

6. Teaching Skillsb. Informing

Involves giving facts to people who need information. Try to avoid giving too much information at any one time.

Skills in Counseling

6. Teaching Skillsc. Filtering

The ability to sort out what the counselee is saying to come out with the true story.

The Process of Counseling1. Connecting

Often termed rapport building, this involves initiating, building, and maintaining a relationship

between the counselor and counselee.

The Process of Counseling

2. ExploringThis is a time when counselees are encouraged to share their

feelings, talk about their thoughts, and describe their

actions and symptoms.

The Process of Counseling3. PlanningIn time, the counselee begins to see the problem in a different

light, and discussion moves toward goals and actions that can

be taken to find solutions.

The Process of Counseling4. Progressing

After people decide whatneeds to be done, they must be

encouraged to start moving toward their goals. The counselor gives

support, direction, encouragement, and often gentle prodding.

The Process of Counseling5. Stopping

In time, both the counselor and counselee back away from their more intense problem-solving relationship. Often there is a

summarizing of what has beenlearned or accomplished.

Theories of Counseling

Theories can guide counselors in their work, but there is no one theory that has been shown to be better than all others. In general, depending on the problem,

the theories that help people learn newbehaviors tend to be somewhat better.

Taking Counseling Home

Counselors often give homework assignments to help people keep moving

forward between counseling sessions.

Taking Counseling Home

Written assignments.Discussions and study

guides.Assignments to monitor or

change specific behaviors.

Taking Counseling HomeReading.Referral to Internet

resources.Use of audio and video

recordingsOther computer resources.

Groups and CounselingSometimes, counselees

improve best when they can meet with other counselees in groups.

You can grow as a counselor.