leveraging emotional intelligence - amazon s3 · leveraging emotional intelligence 3 thousands of...

Leveraging Emotional Intelligence

www.gmrtranscription.com

1

Leveraging Emotional Intelligence By Dr. Robert Cooper

http://www.gmrtranscription.com/



2

Male Speaker 1: I wanna thank Curtis Estis, a personal thank you for bringing Dr. Cooper

to us. I really sincerely appreciate it.

Dr. Robert Cooper, called the ultimate business guru for the new

millennium by USA Today. Regarded as a top strategic advisor on

accelerated growth, leadership, and excelling under pressure. Under

pressure. He’s also been recognized for his pioneering work of emotional

intelligence. Dr. Cooper is CEO of Accelerated Group Leadership

Strategic Advisory Firm that helps companies hit higher than expected

targets. He has studied and lectured at many universities, including

Stanford Business School. He completed his Bachelor of Science degree

at the University of Minnesota. Go Gophers! My school.

He’s written three books that have sold more than 4 million copies. He’s

been published in numerous prestigious magazines. He’s delider –

delivered leadership development programs to a Who’s Who compilation

of companies: Apple, Amazon, Coca-Cola, Ford, Google, IBM, Nike, and

I really mean this, to only a few that I just listed.

He was a U.S. Marine. An all-American swimmer at the University of

Michigan. Jet pilot. And as you can tell, he loves to push the envelope.

Roundtable members, Dr. Cooper.

Dr. Robert Cooper: Good morning. Winning in a changing world. So one of the reference

points this morning – I, I stood back and thought about – I read your bios

as, as Harvey presents them. Some pretty intriguing humus – human

interest twists in each of them. And I imagine – I always am picky about

what happens in, in leadership and development sessions. And I do design

as if I was sitting in the room. So I pondered quite a bit with my team.

Do we just pick one or two points from the research we do and, and build

those out for an hour and, and a half about? Or do I invite you into kind of

the deep end of insights and share some things with you kind of rapid-fire

in sequence with the idea that something will grab you?

So my preference in a room – and, and your backgrounds are so diverse

here – was to do that. So I’m gonna move through some slides with some

insights that are practical. You can apply many of them right – today

while you’re here. When you walk out the door today, you can start

testing them.

Our background in our teams is neuroscience. We have this real curiosity

about the brain. My doctorate’s in, in neuroscience. In the world of

change, so what happens to human behavior under pressure? Why are we

so stuck in a world that’s advancing way, way beyond us? So we live in a

very modern world. Our wiring, neurologically, is really ancient. We’re




3

thousands of years old in how we react and how we respond. And if you

want to lose at life and lose at the next level of anything, just turn your

brain loose, and it will help you lose. And I’ll teach you today how that

happens. And it will tell you you’re in charge. It’s very proud of you.

But it will not take advantage of what’s possible.

So I want to start for a moment with a, an insight that we used for the first

time a long, long time ago with 3M, 3M, and it’s called a check-in. It’s a

simple self-rating. So I want you each to assess yourselves right now, to

rate yourself right now this moment in this room, on energy zero to ten,

and focus zero to ten. So notice there are no fractions. So for those of you

analytical, this is a real simple kind of a, a kind of a glimpse. A ten on

energy means you have so much energy you need a seatbelt. Zero, it’s a

miracle you’re upright. All right? So that’s the simple range, and you and

I are somewhere in the middle.

So where are you? Pick a number. And the same thing with focus. Ten,

best imaginable. Zero, why bother. Rate yourself with two numbers, turn

to the people right next to you, check in. Where are you right now in this

room? Go ahead. …

All right. Everyone check in. Where were you? So just a show of hands

for a moment. Anyone down below 5 on either scale? Anyone down? I

mean, usually the hands barely go up if, if anyone is. 7s, 8s or 9s on either

scale?

And what’s immediately evident is you can lie, right? So for a scientific

firm like ours, I mean, there’s nothing really objective about this. But

there’s something very intriguing about the insight. So what just

happened – whatever numbers you said out loud, I mean, it’s interesting.

And just by saying them, I will teach you today some things about the

brain you can use instantly. And if you step back and look at them, you’ll

think it’s, it’s so obvious. It was right here. We just don’t do it.

There’s an awareness, there’s a kind of dialing in of, of the senses you

have. And, and the brain by tendency – we, we have hard-wired

tendencies – it tips away from everything, not in. Doesn’t tip toward

change or growing. It tips away. And I’ll teach you why across the next

bit of time we have together.

But checking in – I mean, you came up with a couple of numbers. Some

of you compared each other. Some of you know each other because there

was teasing going on. No way you’re a seven, right, that kind of … If

someone knows you, they can really tease you.




4

But there’s a deeper message here. Your nervous system actually knows

you. All right? It’s known you your whole life. It knows exactly where

you are. So my bet is, whatever number you just gave out loud, your

entire nervous system said, “Are you kidding?” And it gave you the real

number. Because it knows exactly where you are compared to the best

you’ve ever been.

Peak performers bring that awakeness or that awareness with them

everywhere. And if you track them across the day, we do, they can

manage an entire day of time. A day might be 90 minutes, it might be 30

minutes, it might be 18 hours some days. But they have an ability to

changing circumstances to stay at or near a 10 in both of these scales by

choice. Mix the ways they do it. All very practical.

And if you’re in a room with them, they don’t just actively listen; they pay

what we call is, is exceptional attention. They stand out. They don’t have

to say a word. You will turn toward them. The depth of their listening,

the curiosity they bring, the ability to shift away from whatever their mind

was just thinking about and turn into your world when they look at you,

when they listen to you, it’s so extraordinary. They don’t have to say,

“You can trust me.” You feel it on, on the phone, across the room, on a

video camera. You can feel it. So the heart’s that quick.

So checking in, it’s, it’s an awakeness in a meeting. And when you do this

with a team, when you meet often, something like this for a few moments,

even in a highly technical company, is brilliant because you’re betting that

all the people here are at or near their best because you need them if

they’re here. And if not, why are they here?

And if someone’s checking in with you in a meeting and it’s a real simple

– one of my colleagues teased that this is numerical empathy. Right? You

don’t have to share why you’re down. I mean, you just – it’s numbers.

But if someone you’re counting on is a three or four, they don’t have to

tell you they have a child who’s ill or some other project’s coming off the

tracks and they came to the meeting out of duty. But if you went ahead

with them pretending to be here, you’d miss things. You’d have to rework

things. That’s a huge cost to our lives.

So in the best teams in the world, in any industry or field, from startups to

the biggest companies on earth, they have this increasing drive that in less

and less and less time they want to have more and more impact. They

want more significance. They always check in because it gives them their

bearings. So a simple tool like this can have immense power in making

sure we’re all in and we’re all here for whatever’s important that we’re

doing.




5

The science behind what we do. We draw on a number of databases

we’ve built over many, many years with my teams. I have a number of

colleagues all over the world that, that do work on the projects with us.

Peak performance database. Over a million leaders, teams, and

professionals looking at what separates the best from all the rest. And I

love that I can look at the top tenth of 1 percent of leaders in the world and

differentiate traits or qualities under pressure. How do they stand out?

And we don’t – we just – we’re curious about one-time winners, people

who did really well once. Our drive, our repeat winners in all kinds of

changing circumstances – new company, new team, they cut the budget,

they took your budget away – you still did the impossible in some way

measurably. So to measure those outcomes – and then I’ll, then I’ll watch

those interactions and watch how people handle those pressures. And I’ll

ask, how did they do it so differently and look simple?

The takeaway phrase from all that research is they made it look easy. And

when you’re around peak performers, a lot of them will say, “It’s way

easier than I used to work. There was so much effort. I out-efforted

things. I was so exhausted. I, I, I tried too hard. Rather than try

differently, I tried harder. It didn’t work. I’d never go back to that.” But

until you have that perspective, you see the world through the limits you

have behaviorally. So how you’re wired and your experiences kind of tell

you that’s, that’s the way things are. And some people around you may

say, “That’s just the way I am.” And that’s a set of habits that have locked

them into a little box, and that’s where they live.

So Harvey’s goal here with you, I think, is keep breaking you out of each

one of these layers into what else might be possible, and have some

enjoyment along the way as you do.

Research on emotional intelligence. We did the first research worldwide

in the business world on leadership in organizations, on where does trust

come from? Is there a brain in the heart? There is. Is there a brain in the

gut? There is. That’s actually millions of times faster than the brain in the

head, which is actually quite slow and relatively ineffective. But we think

we’re pretty proud of how we think. But there’s more going on here.

So what is that? And how do the top leaders and brands bring it with

them? And then behavior change. What actually works to go from where

you are to where you could be, with less strain, less stress, less time, more

ingenuity, doing more good in the world? Not just doing well, but doing

even more good in the world per minute, per day, per dollar. How do you

do that? What’s actually going on behaviorally inside us to make those




6

changes possible? And then we want to study those. And then we’re

always asking, are they learnable? So the other question is, are these just

lucky people? And, and hardly ever is the answer yes. These are

learnable skills, and they’re often so simple.

So we, we look for the smallest changes that make the biggest difference.

And we love complicated, I think, in universities, in programs. But I, I

have this great love for how simple could we make it? And could we

apply it if it’s that good? The theory says it’s good. Could I test it by

lunchtime? Would I know it’s working by this evening? New customers,

new breakthroughs. Going home, you walk in the door. Your family

says, “We like you better.” That’s a good sign that something’s

happening. You’re more fun to be around. Something that would be that

would be in, in some metric form that would confirm it’s working.

So I want those glimpses too. So we have a real intolerance for just good

ideas. I want to watch the measured difference as fast as we can see it.

And if it’s worth following, we’ll scale it then. We can grow it. You can

teach it. You can grow it. You can share it with other people.

So one day in graduate school University of Michigan, in neuroscience, I

was doing some behavior change work. And I was in the, the medical

library at the University of Michigan at 2:30 in the morning, 2:45. Now, I

have a theory. Maybe it’s only the University of Michigan, but the, the,

the medical libraries at 2:30 in the morning look like the Star Wars bar

scene, right? There’s just something going on in that place that’s not a

daytime kind of collection of characters and, and pursuits. So I’m

barricaded at a back table with stacks of books, and I’m, I’m studying.

And, and I open this one textbook, and I’ve never been as surprised by the

opening to a textbook. So this is a neuroscience textbook. And opening

page has two pictures, two, two images, and a question. And that’s all it

had. Top image: maternity ward and squirming infants reaching – they

didn’t know what they were reaching for I’m guessing, but their eyes are

lit up. They’re reaching for something. Bottom picture: New York City

subway train at rush hour. And all it said was, what happened? What

happened between those squirming, reaching, curious infants and this,

where maybe you need to be reminded or pushed off the train at your stop,

you’re so numb? What happened in the middle? What did we lose?

So a lot of what we’ll focus on today is how easy it is to slide away from

what’s possible for you and me. And instead of becoming – that’s the

derivation of the word change is to become – we repeat. And then the

world changes and leaves us behind. And then we resist. And then we

resent. And then we – things go wrong for us.




7

Goethe said, “Things which matter most should never be at the mercy of

things which matter least.” Right? Great play on Darren’s comments, all

right? But they are, aren’t they? What matters least can jam our airways

so easily. So how do you make that work?

My favorite Emerson quote from one of my two grandfathers to me,

handed down in my family. They went to a lecture in 1870, one of the last

ones Emerson gave, on self-reliance. He said, “The exceptional life

depends not on working harder, but on different, even opposite actions

from habit and the crowd.” And he was so insightful so long ago,

probably in ways he didn’t even realize. Science now proves he was cor –

he was, he was right.

Daniel Kahneman, an amazing researcher, says, “Thinking is to humans

what swimming is to cats.” Right? We mostly don’t think at all. We look

for shortcuts, we copy, we’re mostly asleep, we’re telling with – ourselves

we’re awake. And so the idea that in minutes Richard Branson can

accomplishing something with the team and then take the rest of the day

off – you have to actually study what’s actually happening inside that

wiring beyond the three priorities. What else is going on in the way he

approaches with a team of people making the impossible happen? And

then the joy from that – He can let go then, and the rest of the day it looks

easy, like he’s, he’s having more fun than the rest of us.

So another saying that we, we love in research because it’s true: old habit

eats good intentions for breakfast. All right? So we all get up, get – we’re

gonna, we’re gonna change today. And I’m telling you, you won’t, unless

you learn the strategy and tactics to outwit your wiring. If you do that,

you can change anything. But if you don’t, the more you struggle, the

more the old habits – they’re facilitated. So every time you and I do

anything and neurons fire, a pathway is facilitated. That basically means it

gets easier to do what we just did.

And the things we do millions of times, the habits you and I have from

preschool that we don’t need any more, they’re still us. You’re still wired,

unless you undid them, you let them go. And most of us don’t. We’re just

the sum total of all these habits. And when you stop thinking for a

moment with a distraction, those habits take you over; they run you and

me. And then all of a sudden it’s the end of the day, and we hope

something good happened.

And the symbol for most CEOs in my view is this, right? Finger crossing.

Hope we have a great year. Well, I do too. Right? I hope we have a great




8

year this year. Hope people are somewhere out there doing something. I

do too. Right? The brain loves this.

So how do we work around it? Robert Frost said, “The brain is a

wonderful organ that starts working the moment you get up in the

morning; it doesn’t stop until you get to work.” Right? And Robert Frost

watched the price paid as an observer in companies across America. This

is a poet who watched people walk in the door to work back when we

didn’t have security and you could just walk in.

And they were zombies inside, and they were geniuses in the parking lot.

And he kept writing business leaders saying, “What gives?” Like, how do

you get the genius in the parking lot in there, in there where the brain is

saying, “Don’t do anything dumb enough to get fired,” not “make the

biggest breakthrough you can.” All right? So Frost was right on that read.

We’re wired this way: impressive set of natural characteristics. Turn the

brick, negative. We attract negative, we amplify negative. It saved us.

The base of the brain, reticular activating system. The slightest criticism

is shouted to your higher brain centers. A genuine compliment, barely

heard or remembered at all. So we as leaders have to tip the stage back –

the, the scales back because otherwise the brain on its own won’t do it.

The brain is basically aimless. You can have a goal. It’s, it’s somewhere

in a, in a, it’s, it’s one, in one of your notebooks or a file folder or I’m sure

it’s on your iPad somewhere, right, the goal? But at any given moment,

the brain completely lets them go. You are aimless unless you aim, right?

We repeat the past. We tip away from change. We love comfort. We’ll

take routine over a better state any day because the brain can manage its

resources.

So here’s the basic message about the brain. The brain that you and I

have, and nervous system, it’s wired to conserve resources. And it

believes that any time soon, probably this evening, you will need to do a

forced march across – up to Alaska, over the northern part of the globe to

save yourself. So anything that takes energy, brain res – brain energy,

anything that takes energy, your brain is saying, “That’s about enough.

That’s about enough.”

So it hates, it hates that you’re here. All right, this learning stuff? Tiring.

All right? So the brain is trying to do you and me a favor because it is

doing what it did thousands of years ago. Barely advanced at all from

then. It’s really worried that you’re spending too much time learning new

things. So therefore, this pinging, the ping-ponging of interruptions, is the




9

brain endlessly searching for something. It’ll know it when it finds it,

right? And it plays right into that style.

Away from change. So we tip mostly away. We have to choose to tip into

growth. You have to choose it every time. I had one of the last classes

with Abraham Maslow before he died. And Maslow wrote about self-

actualization. And I – but my favorite comment that I heard him make

was that if you want to grow, here’s the bad news: you have to do it again

every day. You have to get up in the morning and face the fear and

choose to grow again, and then again, and then again because you can’t

just keep doing it automatically. And he was right.

So the brain is saying, “Tomorrow’s better.” Right? So the brain loves

playing small, we call it. It loves delaying; it likes finger-crossing. Those

are just natural traits we all have. So as a leader growing anything,

making a difference in anything, you have to see this for what it is and

outwit it. And we’re going to work on that together today.

William James at Harvard said, “Life is but a mass of habits.” He wrote

this in 1890. His students said, “If we are this mass of habits – ” and you

and I are that – One of his students said, “But can you change them?”

William James said, “Yes. One by one, you can choose to change them.”

“But,” he said, “Never forget that whether changed or ignored, those

habits veer us irresistibly toward our destiny.” So a lot of the work that

we do every day is looking for the smallest habits that you and I can learn

very quickly that make the biggest difference. What are those?

I’m gonna – I’d like to work on some themes. We have some bodies of

research we’ve been doing, and they have names. They’re all gonna be

little books probably, in some, some very distilled, bound form out over

the next year.

One of them is called Connect. And it basically focuses on what we

believe is where the world has already grown and where it will stay,

maybe forever. Which is in this world of purposefully brief interactions,

where you and I, in less time than ever before, have to win trust and we

have to inspire follow-through, or nothing happens. So in meetings of an

hour – I mean, the idea that maybe – if, if you’ve sold things and you, you

used to have hour traditional meetings years ago, and someone could

actually sit there in a mediocre meeting and agree to come back. I mean,

it’s a miracle thinking back, right? How does that work?

Never again. If you don’t connect, they disconnect. On to the next thing.

On to the next quest. And, and luckily, I guess, for the brain, we have

technology with so many interruptions and distractions. And maybe you




10

will win the lottery today, and that could be that call or that text or that

ping. And so the brain plays that so well.

And so neuroscientists are saying, here’s the bad news. Study published

two weeks ago. Our brains are becoming rewired. They’re becoming

wired – now, oth – some neuroscientists have said maybe it’s temporary. I

always love that as a concept. Maybe we’ll go back to being able to have

a long conversation. We’re being rewired for brevity. So if something

doesn’t connect with you, I’ll teach you in a moment, in 3.25 seconds, you

are gone. You don’t get the minute. You don’t get three minutes. You

don’t get an hour anymore. And it’s crazy. And we don’t have to like it;

it’s exactly the way it is.

And so the question becomes – I mean, the neuroscientists saying maybe

it’s temporary is – well, maybe if you take a holiday, you could just talk to

your loved ones for hours on end. It’ll be great. Maybe. But I’m

guessing you’re gonna sit there without technology with your eyes going

back and forth, waiting for a ping or a buzz or a something, or … trying to

pay attention now to the people you love the most in the world. So that’s

where we are. So that’s how fast the wiring changes. And I think

technology, that onslaught of information, is doing it to us.

So purposefully brief interactions. How do you master this space? So

let’s assume the whole world is getting briefer. And if what you sell, if, if

what you create and sell matters – it’s a premise with every client we have

– I mean it’s – the No. 1 question I always ask is, what do you create, and

what’s the good it’s gonna do in the world? Why is this worthy? So tell

me in your own words. Let me feel it too.

If it is, then maybe we, we would work with you. But if it isn’t, we just

don’t do anything to help people make money. I mean, we could

probably. But it, I, I wanna have – I’ll teach you about this in a moment

too. I mean, I want to have my eyes light up too about the significance of

what you’re doing. Because then suddenly you get a different level of

engagement from me, from, from my curiosity, from my team, from my

colleagues. And, and I don’t want that for you; it’s what I want with the

people who work with me.

So purposefully brief interactions. How do you connect? The brain has

three wiring questions that run endlessly from the moment you get a new

stimuli, the moment you get a stimuli. No. 1, do I trust you? That

happens in 3.25 seconds. Do I like you, and could I trust you? And if you

don’t win it, you’re dead. It’s already over. You can sit there. Nothing

else is going to happen. It’s over. All right?




11

No. 2, is this interaction worth a piece of my life? And then inspiring

follow-through: am I in or out? And you’ll get access to all these slides,

by the way, too, those of you trying to write feverishly. Just, if, if, if

something grabs you, great.

And then the James Joyce two words. Right? That’s, what happens next?

You hope something, so often nothing. Right? Great interaction, then

nothing. I mean, I think one of Harvey’s themes is, the nothing part is

what undoes the world. And you’re partly here to make sure that

reciprocity multiplies, which I think is amazing.

So do I trust you? Is this worth a piece of my life? And am I in or out?

And that is happening – it can happen in moments, maybe longer. I mean,

it could be minutes. And I’m betting you can’t keep a human being with

you for more than a few minutes in the next year or two in anything you

do. Right?

So you have a couple options. You can switch focuses. They could hang

with you a little longer on different focuses. Part of my strategy here that I

hope works. But on the other hand, somehow it’s gotta be about them. So

what does that mean?

No. 1, do I trust you? So prior to the first 3.25 seconds, there is a period

that we call pre-engagement. Jim Loehr, Jim Loehr wrote, The Power of

Full Engagement. And Tony Schwartz was with him on that book as well.

Jim Meyers the scientist, I know – I’ve known Jim for a long, long time.

Jim has, has such a way to dial in on what engagement is. And one of my

comments early on to Jim had been, “But I think pre-engagement matters

more.” What happens before you engage changes everything, right? And

if you just wing it, like walk into a room, who am I meeting with? I don’t

know. Let me walk in. I’ll wing it. I’ll be fully engaged winging it,

right? But I’m hoping something good happens.

I want the pre-engage part. So walking down the hallway, who am I

calling? See caller ID. Can you stop the world you’re in and be in that

world? Have you done some things to be ready to be relevant to them?

And if you haven’t, then finger-crossing again. [Inaudible][00:23:20]

reigns supreme.

So pre-engagement, what you do even in moments before you do what

you do, changes everything. It changes everything. So we, we have a

rule: pre plus three. So you pre-engage right up to when you take that

call, you have that meeting, you walk in that room. And the first 3.25

seconds-ish is where the other person’s brain, with no training, is instantly

saying, do I like you and could I trust you? I might not like you in a




12

minute. And now I decide five minutes from now I don’t trust you.

That’s okay. But it’s the initial read.

So imagine a super-caffeinated salesman from the Bronx pushing

something that’s useless to you on the phone in the fastest voice you ever

heard. How long does it take your nervous system to realize you’re

hanging up? Right? Not very long. I mean, it’s amazing. It’s amazing.

It’s amazing. Because it wasn’t about you; it was all about them. And

you had a pulse, and they’re coming in, and it’s like, oh-oh. All right?

That’s the same wiring. So I like you and I could trust you or not.

Now, what do you think plays into the I like you? How is that reading

made? So if you’re coming in and it’s all about you – let me tell you

about the work I do. How are we doing with that as an opening concept?

No! Let me tell you why. You, you haven’t even met me, and you’re

gonna tell me why I need what you’re selling, right? Out! Out!

So I have this image from flying jets as a single pilot. Ejection seat, right?

I’ll have a little red button. You’ll be safe, you just won’t be with me,

right? And you just push the button. Right? Out! Out! And my wife

[inaudible][00:24:46] my, my family, my kids, they tease, dad’s always

got his, his thumbs on the red button, right? Just, just not wanting to waste

these moments. But that’s also – we, we all tend that way.

And back to saying yes too often, Darren’s poem is exactly right. I mean,

we end up sacrificing ourself on this highway wanting to be liked. We’re

having followers or likes or the social media world that maybe is an inch

deep and 80 miles wide, but who cares? And we want a significance to

me. So that’s where that world’s coming from.

Is this interaction worth a piece of my life? So that means to me, like the

best mentors you and I ever had, our best mentors whose world stopped

for us when they listened to us, didn’t they? Their world stopped. It was

all about us. You know this feeling, don’t you? They never had to say,

“You can trust me.” You could feel it across the table, on the phone line.

You knew the depth of their attentiveness. All right?

So that – you have to bring that first, or you’re already gonna be losing.

Everyone who sells anything. And then it has to be relevant to them.

Why would they care? How could this change their life, open a door for

them, lift them up, give them a new lens? What is it, and how soon can

they identify with that? Because if, if you can make that connection, they

can stay with you. If you don’t, they’re already bailing again. Another

place they bail.




13

Now, an intriguing zone after this is really interesting. Am I in or out? So

the neuroscience that we’ve been working on is centered around the

phrase, inspiring follow-through. Funny thing is, you actually have to

learn how to do it and do it purposefully, or you don’t tend to have any.

How many great meetings have you had when someone said, “Have one

on the back. Loved it. One of the best meetings ever. I’ll get back to you.

We’ll do lunch.” Wha – whatever they’re saying to you, right? The play

– we call them play wonderfuls. And you never hear from them again.

You try to call them; they don’t return your call. Then they change their

number. They’re off the grid. I mean, what, what is that tendency, right?

It’s because they’re sitting there smiling, how – saying how soon can I get

out of here? Saying, loved it. You trade cards. Your card is – just check

the trash out the door. I mean it’s wha – you know what I mean.

There’s just a – it’s, it’s, it’s some kind of symbolism that isn’t significant.

And so – but on the – if you flip it … so this is back to assuming whatever

you’re selling – and all of you are growing things that are amazing here. I

read every bio that, that, that Greg and Harvey shared with me. You’re

growing something amazing. So how soon and how well can you reach

me with what that is? Can you put it in my awareness early so I can start

to turn toward it? That’s an expression we use in the nervous system. Can

I turn toward with curiosity in a noisy world? The difference you could

make.

And you can – a lot of ways to do this. But, but I have to start to turn

toward you, or I’ll turn away. I’ll be interrupted away, I’ll be distracted

away, I will turn away, whatever the reason is. So then how do you

inspire that follow-through? If what you are selling or presenting or trying

to influence is significant, and for each of you it is, then how do you

inspire follow-through? Because if you had twice as many people follow

through – let’s just – one of our brands is 2X, a trademark of ours. So if

you could 2X anything, like impact, follow-through, referrals,

connections, if you could 2X something, twice as many people followed

up on any interaction you had, what, how would your business change?

If twice as many people followed up on any contact or touch point they

had with your enterprise, they followed through, they stayed active, they

got their payment in, they, they asked you how soon can we meet next?

So they’re actually driving the process. I hate dragging and chasing, by

the way. You can probably, you’re probably getting a read on, on me by

now.

And I – if, if it matters, we’re going to run side by side here. Because life

is really short. And if it doesn’t matter, then wh – let’s, let’s end it early,




14

right? We’re in or out? We’re, we’re out. Outs are great, all right?

Because why would you want to spend an hour with someone who’s out?

I’d rather have you like Richard Branson on the beach for an hour. So

outs are good. Not the right time for them, they have no way to hear it,

they’re overwhelmed – I’m good. Whatever the reason is just fine. Wish

them well; they’re out. All right? Your ease with that, another huge

hallmark.

So how do you inspire follow-through? A couple really intriguing things

from our research. We’re the first leaders in the world that have bumped

into this besides a, a group that Curtis is a part of. We call them trust-

confirming or trust-generating phrases. So how could a phrase actually in

the human nervous system anchor trust and inspire follow-through? And

it does. How do certain phrases that the best advisors and leaders in the

world use, certain phrases, every language has them, how do they actually

inspire people to pick up the pace, follow through, get the next meeting

scheduled, spread the word, do what you want, grow your cause, grow

your project that you’re here about? How?

So we sift through all kinds of language. And in the end, what I love is all

the language I’m about to show you, coup – just a couple highlights from

many, many that we’ve been researching – it’s ah, it’s simple. It’s really

simple stuff.

Here’s what the brain does. So – and I’ll teach you phrases in a moment.

So when you use a trust-confirming phrase – and I’ll give you a, a really

simple glimpse in a, in, on the next slide. The listening brain – so this is

the other person, or the other people. The brain has three really fast

reactions to somebody using a phrase of value. First reaction is – I’m –

and this is the negative brain. So just – hate to break the news to you, but

the brain is just inherently negative. It isn’t – gonna shoot down anything

that sounds positive first; and then if it can’t do it, then good. So it takes

the negative, cynical, pessimistic approach instantly. No training, every

human being on earth, negative.

So what the brain does the moment it hears one of these phrases is it asks

three questions rapid-fire: 1). Is it true? Because if it isn’t, I don’t ca – I

mean, then you’re just selling me; 2). Is it valuable? Because if it isn’t, I

don’t care; and 3). Does everyone do it? Because if they do, why would I

care that you do it?

So in split seconds, every listener’s brain is firing those three questions to

whatever statement you make. Could be a sales statement, it could be

anything. But I’ll give you some phrases that, if they match your

behavior, change everything.




15

So here are a few of them. I’m gonna start with, after listening to you. So

I would build a case that in even the briefest interaction, even the briefest

interaction – five minutes on the phone, a minute or, 30 seconds in the

hallway, from the heart, interacting on some point that matters to you, if

you get it right – Where the world’s going, we think, in building trust is

other-focus. Self-focus kills brands. It’s all about me. We’re great.

We’re the best. Other-focus: how could this lift what you want to do?

How could this help you? Oth – it’s other-focus. And if it’s genuine, it

lifts you. Right?

So let’s say in the beginning of an interaction, you ask a great question.

And now you listen like the best mentor you’ve ever had, which is trust

without having to say it’s trust, isn’t it? From where you are right now,

give me a glimpse of where you most wanna be. I met you, I know your

brother, I know your family. You’ve built this business. It was a little

rocky for a little while. Now you’re going here; you’re building

something new. I’d just love a glimpse from where you are right now,

what do you see out there when you look out there? And now from the

heart, if they trust you, they’re sharing something. Something.

Now it’s your turn to share something back: your brain in a rushed world.

So go into this world of no one has any time for anything. Your brain is

saying, dive in and sell or speak or something. Hopefully, you haven’t

just been rehearsing what you’re about to say, but you’ve been listening

really deeply. I’d say don’t.

And when this handoff happens, neurologically what you want to do is,

when it’s your turn to finally speak three minutes into a five-minute

conversation, you first say pause – you first pause, then you say, “After

listening to you.” Humbly as you can. Pause again.

If you don’t – so, you, your brain, it could say right now to me, “Robert,

why say that you did it, right? Isn’t action more powerful than, than

language?” And I’d say in this case, it isn’t. Because in their busy

nervous system, they can leave a meeting liking you, that’s like a like on

Facebook, and nothing happens. You’re vaporizing in their memory going

out that door. And by afternoon, in the office someone’s saying, “What

happened in that meeting with that advisor you met with?” And you’re

saying, “I kinda liked him.” Home at dinner, you’re saying, what? “How

was your day?” “Okay.” Well, that’ll get referrals, right? That’ll drive

follow-throughs. We’ll really, we’ll scale it up here.

So you, you’re right on the brink of lapsing back into this being like the

world and going nowhere. And instead, when you pause and say, “After




16

listening to you,” pause, their brain says, was it true? Yeah, you did. And

actually that did surprise me. And then, is it valuable? Yeah, I wish

everyone did. In fact, why doesn’t everyone do it? And, and that means –

that’s the common question. And it isn’t common, and I want you. I wish

everyone listened like you in your field. And I, I – why can’t we find

more people like you?

And now in the office, I’m saying, “You know, you, you – it was amazing.

I met someone for a couple of minutes, and I thought I was gonna be sold

something. I actually wasn’t. It surprised me. It was all about me. And

I’m gonna take this next meeting. And they’re with a company and

they’re expensive. I’m – it’s probably even gonna be worth it.” Now, this

is the brain imagining. “But I have to. This was different.” Right?

Home at dinner. Why don’t people listen anymore? All right? “I had a

meeting today. It was so brief, with someone that totally surprised me.

They asked me this question. And yeah, we, we forget to plan, we, we

forget to think ahead. I mean, they reminded me. And, and, and I wanna,

I’m gonna meet with this person again, or buy from this brand, or …” So

their nervous system, can you feel this turn for a moment with just one

phrase that you could easily leave out?

So practice putting it across: as promised. Learned this from one of my

mentors years and years ago. With handwritten notes, he said, “Don’t you

ever follow up on anything you promised that you would do without

leading in the note, ‘As promised, here’s the link, here’s the book, here’s

the favor.’” And he said, here’s why. It will make you do it sooner, so

it’s an awareness. So if you promise it and you’re gonna say “as

promised,” it will be done. Second, the praise – we see this all over the

world – the praise you will get from people who will fire back a note

saying, “That’s why I love you so much. Wish everybody did what they

promised. You always do. Thank you.” Two words. Trust-confirming

phrase.

It has to match behavior, so that’s the point. Make sense? I mean, you

can’t just sling these around, right, when you’re not doing them. That’s

not gonna work. But if they match behavior, it’s amazing.

So the words simple plus strategic. What is simple and strategic?

Nothing, all right? But the best insights are. Right? So now they’re

surprised. Tell me more. Is, is it actually simple and strategic? So that’s

powerful. Reduces uncertainty. We can’t get rid of it, but it’s something

that reduces uncertainty. Tell me more.




17

Give me a glimpse into. Brain loves that. A long-term financial plan, the

brain hates, all right? Blood on the walls, three days, ledgers, feeling

guilty I didn’t plan, I don’t save. I’m not, I’m not going. This is the brain

talking. But a glimpse into your future, all right, give me a glance ahead.

Now, for busy people that normally never think ahead, that’ll – okay,

that’s good, let’s take a glance ahead. It’s okay. Those phrases work

really well. If we make this change, what’s it look like five years from

now? Let’s look back.

By referral only. Great phrase. It builds the best brands in the world, by

referral only. Why, if it’s real? Why does that phrase have power?

Because the, the, the explanation statement that’s so human is, the reason

we’re so picky is we invest so much extra time and energy in every client

or customer that we have, if you’re selling something at a premium, that

we don’t want everyone. And so we want to find the, the, next, whoever

the next customers are or clients that we wanna have. And now people are

asking me, well, what would it take to become one? Or I know someone

who, who should become one. So some – it, it – the dynamic swing you

see, from just the phrase in that space, is amazing to me.

Another paradox and challenge the brain is really bad at: this need to both

win the future and deliver results today. We call it running and building.

Which one do you think the brain’s better at? Running! Right? We all

have visions, all right, in our iPads and that one app we can’t usually find

that’s somewhere and we don’t look at it very often. We have, we, we

have that. I have a plan. I have a plan. My plan’s amazing. It should be

in a museum, it’s, it’s so eloquent, right? But I’m mostly just swamped

today, right?

So that paradox for the brain is an interesting one because you need a

special kind of skill set to integrate that dynamically, to live it, to walk

with it. Right? How do you win the future which is changing is front of

your eyes? So the danger with the brain is, if you only work on today’s

priorities, the world will leave you behind. It’s changing faster than

you’re learning, isn’t it, in a way? Right? So yes, you want to have a, a

core set of priorities. Darren’s right on target with the insights. But right

next to it, you also want to have this laboratory that tests you winning the

world where it’s going, not where it’s been.

So how do you do that? And that’s this blend of both of these. What gets

in the way? There’s a law in the nervous system called Parkinson’s Law.

And it’s not related to Parkinson’s Disease. But Parkinson’s Law

basically says the human nervous system will fill every available moment

with kind of minor focus work that you give it. Every moment you give it,

it’s full. All right, you’ve known this. I mean, a day – you, suddenly, you




18

get cancellations. Half your day is suddenly free. You’re cheering in the

hallway, and then what? It’s 5:00. I mean, what happened? How did we

blow the afternoon so fast?

So that’s the backfill of Parkinson’s Law. So this ability I’ll teach you a

little later on. Making things visual is huge. The brain is mostly sight.

Not, not – a lot of other things have power. But out of sight is usually out

of mind and out of action. So you want visual reminders for way more

things than you have right now. Or you – in walking by, if they don’t

irritate you, they are out of mind, and they’re not in action. And you will

backfill the time with Parkinson’s Law and get not very far.

Oh, boy. Good. So another body of research, some little habits that we’ve

been working on, a whole series of these next series of little books on, on

habits. The projects we work on – so purposeful brevity for my teams, I

mean, we’re, we’re living in the middle of that world every day in the

brain science. And the books that would have been for me with Random

House at 400 pages and they would say, “Could you add another 100

because we can charge more?” A little stab at the legacy publishers for a

moment. We’re distilling down to 75 pages of the essence. So for a busy

person, people like us, could you drop in my hands what matters in less

pages?

And for me, at the university in graduate school, in my doctorate program,

you won points for being big and bloated, not brief and brilliant. And it

drives me crazy. I just got penalized for being – spending all that time to

get me two clear pages. 800 meandering pages, well, you’re obviously

brilliant, right? Whatever that image was.

And I think the world is switching here. So up, up to 95 percent of every

day is wasted due to mistrust – it’s a Deming Center for Quality

Management study – distractions, interruptions, lost momentum, lost aim

and alignment, and multitasking. And it is so common, we’ve adapted.

So here’s the negative side of adapting.

So before, before he died, the, the pioneer on stress, Dr. Hans Selye from

Toronto, a medical doctor who worked on stress. When he, when he

pioneered the concept of stress, he actually had two words. He had

eustress which is good stress, and distress which is bad stress. We,

apparently, in, in some seeking of brevity, ditched the beginning three

letters, and all stress became whatever it became.

The other point he made that was so valuable to me is adapting. He said

the normal way that human beings adapt is we get used to non-productive

and sometimes harmful behaviors until it feels normal, and we just keep




19

doing it. So the more you get used to being interrupted all day, you’re

gonna need to be medicated to sit still with no interruptions, right? That’ll

be the new contrast. And so the challenge is – we always say in, in our

research, the best of what’s common – and that’s all we compare ourselves

to, what’s common around us – is not the best of what’s possible. So how

do you keep contrasting? Is this the best of what’s possible?

So we have an advantage because I’m on all these corners of the planet

earth studying amazing people, many of them with no resources at all,

doing the absolute impossible. And I come home transformed with my

kids sometimes and my wife. And, and I think, I’m hearing leaders with

huge budgets giving me a list of excuses. You’re kidding me! I mean,

they’re capable of so much more. They have this capacity, and they don’t

even know it. They don’t even know it. They’ve adapted. They’ve

adapted. And I don’t mean that in a great way.

So you’ve gotta have a different kind of a habit of winning. So if there

was a habit of winning that separated, from scientific research, the best

performers on earth from everybody else, what would that habit be?

There are actually two little habit slices. Core habit on the top is aim,

pilot, grow. All right? So along with your core priorities, a little off of

Darren’s theme, which is totally correct, could you over on the side, in a

sliver of your time and energy, aim toward something even more

amazing? Pilot test the ways to make it a reality sooner than others think

possible? And then if it works, keep it and grow it and share it. And if it

doesn’t, ditch it and do it again.

And that habit defines the best leaders on the planet earth. The best teams,

the best companies, the best leaders. They have an aim, pilot, grow

mindset. And I’ll teach you more about it the next minutes here. They

also have a sequence for momentum that others don’t have in this world

called pre, set, now, next. And I’ll teach you that in a moment too.

Those two slices of habits, they combine together to form the habit of

winning, all right? There are other elements in here too, but I’m just

gonna – pulling out these two for you. One, aim realistically high, and

then go higher. That’s aim. Remember I mentioned earlier the brain is

basically aimless so you have to aim it? All right?

So you aim for something high and, and you can make it realistic; that’s

okay. I mean, the data would say, Jim Collins would say, that’s a, a –

there’s a stretch factor here we need for sure. And then our researchers

say, but then make it higher than that. Because if you’re not stretching

enough with some goose bumps, you’re not gonna change behavior into it.




20

It’s not enough to actually grow you out of yourself. Your habits will pull

you right back inside. You have to feel it.

W. Edwards Deming, I had a chance to study with toward the end of his

life, the quality pioneer. And one of the phrases I love from him that I

thought was so on-target, there were a lot of them, but there was one. And

he said, “Robert, the best leaders in the world, one of their greatest

strengths is they watch when people’s eyes light up. No one else in the

room watches that. And they give them more of that work, what lights

their eyes up, and they take away the work that glazes their eyes over.

They pass everybody.”

So he said, “If you don’t do anything else, do for sure in the beginning one

thing in every interaction with human beings: watch when people’s eyes

light up.” Wait, there’s maybe a better way over here, or … Someplace

else I worked, there’s a different way to come at that if their eyes are

lighting up. How do you hand more accountability and responsibility to

those areas and take away the rest?

Fred Smith at Fed Ex. Early on, one of Fred’s comments that I really

liked a lot was that leaders and managers should spend way more time

loosening job descriptions so they fit the unique people, rather than

jamming unique human beings into preset job descriptions. That’s a lot of

this, too.

So emotion is the eyes lighting up, right? Where do you wanna go that’s

actually exciting? And if I hear you describe it to me, I get excited,

probably. All right? What is that to you?

And then if you really wanna throw another stick of dynamite in the

behavior-change pool, play the default future card. Default future is

where you’re gonna end up if you don’t change anything. So just imagine

doing exactly what you did walking in the door today for the next ten

years. Well, that’ll work. It won’t. It’s called default future. The brain

actually – that’s, that’s a reverse motivation. The brains actually – if it get

– if it glimpses where the same might end up, it, it has an aversion

tendency. So it’s gonna say, “All right. Okay. So I guess we’re more

open to changing than we thought.” And now you can change something.

Pilot. Pilot in this sense is the scientific theory. It means pilot test. Pilot

test, all right? It, it – there might be a better way, until you’re maxed out,

right? It’s, it’s Darren’s endless question, I’m be – I believe, with Success

Magazine. Is this as good as it gets? Is this as good as it gets? Because

we should have a party then, all right? If this is as good as it gets, we’re

done. But if it isn’t, how can we test the better way? And the brain’s




21

natural instinct is, give me a committee, I need a million dollars, I need a

couple years. I mean, the brain just loves this stuff. And then I want a

parade, and I want medals, like, the whole – whatever the brain’s thing is.

Sorry, I’m, I’m teasing. I get – I’m kinda deep in the brain, so I’m just

kinda … And here – th – that was meant as humor, by the way. I’m just

kinda reading your eyes here. Just, just trying to … The brain needs

parades? No. I mean, I know I said that kind of trying to, just, just lighten

up the moments here, right?

One of the best – there’s a great phrase that we use around the world, and

we watch the best leaders use. It’s best instincts. And a great question is,

what do your best instincts say? What do your best instincts say? And if

you flex them, they get sharper. And so what do your best instincts say?

Follow-up question: where might the smallest change make the biggest

difference? The brain can think of all kinds of big changes; skip those. I

want the smallest change that can make the best, the biggest difference.

So what do your best instincts say? Okay, let’s test there. So I’m in a

meeting with anyone saying, “There’s gotta be a better way.” To run

meetings, to do, to – whatever the issue is. What do your best instincts

say? Where is the one spot, if you had to pick one, where the smallest

change might make the biggest difference? Human beings are pretty good

at having an instinct, and that’s what we test.

And how soon can we test it? That would be today, by lunchtime. We

can call three customers and get an impression and get a sense if this

might open a door. And if so, we’ll get a couple other people working on

it. By next big swing in some capital maybe. Who knows? But you will

follow the resources behind the pilots that work, versus the $85 million

project with your fingers crossed that no one’s seen that typically will not

work on launch day the way you want it, right? So pilot testing grows us.

You start there. Measure by Friday. Everything we do is tracked weekly.

Everything. I mean, Intel, other companies use the expression weeklies

from work with us. 3M. I mean, there’s not a change that matters that

you can’t get a glimpse of every Friday, and there is no place for the brain

to hide in a week. It can hide in a quarter. It can hide in a year, no

problem. All right? The brain’s going a year, is admiring the plan, and

doing nothing until like December 10th, I mean, whatever’s the calendar

year. I mean, the brain has just got this endless … love our plan. We do

love our plan. We’re wearing buttons, I love our plan. Right? That kind

of thing.




22

And we delay, delay, delay. And you know this at school, right? You – if

you – and at the university – I don’t know. Maybe like me, you or I,

maybe this is the Big Ten. You, you maybe arrive thinking, I’m gonna

study an hour a day, or it’ll be perfect and I’ll be totally ready for finals.

I’m just gonna walk in and take the finals. And then I, we, we go into

these big lecture halls, and people were reading the newspaper and then

not coming at all. And then, then the, kind of the word in the street was

like, maybe they give everyone As. I mean, why would you study? I

mean, what a waste of time.

Until you panic the last 72 hours before the final exam, right? And which

– from which you remember nothing, right? Or I remember nothing

certainly. Right? That’s – but that’s the brain loose. Just turn the brain

loose, that’s the brain’s entire pattern. Just show up. Maybe they like –

you can give them a gift. Maybe you get a grad – I mean, I have no idea.

The brain’s just in the other mode from actually studying. Consistency,

discipline. Doesn’t want it. Right?

So grow. Basic rule with grow is, what doesn’t work, you toss. All right?

It’s not here, but what doesn’t work is gone. The brain – you can see the

brain also as a baggage-handling load-lugging organ. It carries

everything, keeps everything. Didn’t work, but maybe someday it will.

Let’s keep doing it. All right? So the brain has this pattern of just

carrying things. So you want to let that go as well. All right?

So aim, pilot, grow, and then you’re on to the next test. Where else could

we aim? What else could we grow?

People walking up to you saying, “I’m stuck. There’s nothing I can do.”

A great exercise in leadership language: handing back the chance to make

a difference. When people say there’s nothing I can do, the tendency of

some leaders is to carry them. My youngest daughter Shauna, when she

was little tiny, brought me a little – I have it in my office today – a little

game. And it’s 100 colored plastic monkeys. And the title of the game is,

Who’s Got the Monkey. And she came into my office and said, “Dad, I

got this game.” And I said, “It’s a business game.” And little Shauna

said, “No no no no, Dad, it’s a kid’s game.” I said, “No, no, it’s actually a

business game.” All right?

People arrive wanting to meet you and give you their monkey. Right?

And our CEOs say I take the whole zoo home, right, once you kinda got

the concept here. They compliment you. “You’re the best mentor I’ve

ever had. Would you look into this?” “Oh, of course, I’d love to look into

this.” And now they leave without the monkey. You have their monkey.

How am I doing so far conceptually here? Right?




23

So you need to have these great loving, caring, hand-back questions

because you actually want them to grow. And almost always, the research

in psychology would say, the person presenting the problem is almost

always the best person to solve it. Not you or me. Them.

So the great question going back to them is, “Is there anything no matter

how small that you could do right now that might make a difference? Is

there anything, no matter how small, that you could do right now, that

might make a difference?” “Oh, well, there’s one thing. It probably won’t

do anything.” “Great. Start there. Start there, test that. Love to hear a

highlight, maybe by Friday,” if they work with me. “Cool. Give me a

holler. How did it work?” Right? And I’ve handed back to them that

presenting problem they wanted me to take. And I don’t want to take it,

unless it’s part of my priority mix.

Pre, set, now, next. The flow basically it, it, it’s, it’s a flow that jet pilots

use and peak performers use in every field. The type rating I have is the

fly citation as a single pilot. So some jets up to commercial size you can

either fly crew or single pilot. Single pilot means I have to do everything

from the left seat. I mean, every failure, every emergency in the jet. And,

and so the precision of what happens when you fly is, is – it’s something

special.

And the difference is, when you watch the nervous system in those

settings, is they do what peak performers do. They pre-engage

everything, all right? We’re gonna pre-configure the jet, we’re doing all

those things, we’re gonna taxi out on the runway. And even when the

tower clears us to take the runway or position hold or line up and wait,

we’re not gonna do it until we have become all set.

So we’re gonna still rescan again to make sure we’re ready. And then

even now while we’re flying, now in the jet as you’re, as you’re taking off

and the thrust levers are up, if you watch what’s actually happening, so

both the eyes scan real slowly but very systematically so we’re aware of

any annunciator lights or problems. But if you knew what happened

inside, the speed of that jet, like a lot of us when we’re leading, it’s so fast.

I’m not only working now, but I’m asking, if I don’t change anything now,

where’s the jet gonna be in 15 seconds because it’s already there.

So now always connects to next. And when we watch the best peak

performers, that’s where the momentum unravels. We probably skip pre,

or maybe partially set, we’re all about now, right? The power of now. It’s

very powerful. And then nothing. There isn’t a next. We kinda forgot

where we were. We’ll – I lost the file, but I’m sure we’ll, we’ll find it.




24

And we disconnect. And that momentum, Darren talked about it really

well. I mean, the recovery of the energy and the focus and the drive and

the pace, it’s huge, the cost.

So pre-engage everything. Stop at the door. Make sure you’re set. When

you’re doing something now, keep asking yourself in an interaction or a

meeting or a project, how does this connect to next? In decision sciences,

we call this the solution after next. All right? If we solve that this way,

are we creating a really huge nightmare for the next solution, or is it gonna

get easier? So I’m trying to get my nervous system to connect what my

actions are now with what’s coming later. So pre, set, now, next.

Islands of focus. Interesting play off of some of Darren’s comments. One

of our work areas – that’s actually Necker Island, Richard Branson’s

island in the photo.

Carving out islands of focus is huge. And the neuroscience of that, what

happens inside, there are – whole bodies of our research focus on how

does that timing sequence work the most brilliantly with the people in the

world doing impossible things? So I love the idea of even one island of

focus a day, when you screen out the distractions, you put your priorities

in front of you, you, you create momentum on the things that matter most,

and then you step away. The rest of the day gets way better when you do

that.

John Kao, Harvard Business School, about neuroscience: “To achieve the

impossible, the rules have changed. Now it’s about the chemistry of the

brain and whose neurons fire fastest and best in changing conditions.” I

totally agree with him. He’s one of the best entrepreneurs on the planet in

many ways. Just the way he comes at things and thinks.

Losing without thinking is easy. Just turn your brain loose. We’ve talked

about that. And by losing, again, not – I mean, compared to most people,

you’re, you’re still gonna be successful. But I’m talking about what’s

possible, not what’s common.

Winning without thinking is a peak performance skill few leaders have.

It’s about managing what we call micro turning points. So I’m gonna

teach you some of these for a moment. Micro ta – here, here’s what’s cool

about micro turning points. So the habit, the habit here is split seconds.

And it’s about winning without thinking.

And so the things that hit you in a day, if you think about these little micro

turning points – the call with somebody saying, “I don’t mean to upset you

but …” All Right? “You’re not gonna wanna hear this.” Then, I’m, I




25

might, I always wanna say, “Then, then just don’t tell me anything. Go

back what – do what you were doing, and … I was doing fine before you

called.” Like, how do we even do those setups of phrases? I don’t even

know.

So from those to – as your expectations change during the day, every

possible hitch – traffic slows down in a spot where it normally doesn’t.

That’s a micro turning point. How you manage those, in the end, is your

story. In the end, that is your story. But we just don’t do well in those

without a skill set. So what are these skills?

So we’ve worked our way through, like, trust-generating phrases. We’re

up to 112 or 115 right now. Split-second skills, we’re at 32 I think. Just

think of small skills. And they are so quickly learnable. They utterly

bypass the 10,000 hour rule, right? The 300 repetition rule. There are all

kinds of rules.

These skills bypass it because – remember, the brain’s, the brain is trying

endlessly to conserve resources. And it’s saying, “God, don’t, don’t pay

attention to something new. It’s too costly.” It’s costly to the energy it

takes in the brain. “So go on autopilot. Just go back to routine. I think

they like you enough. Like, don’t, don’t actually keep listening. You can

just fake it.” So this is the brain in there. This thing’s ready to disengage.

And if you don’t listen, it just leaves you. Mid-sentence it just says, “You

can stay, I’m leaving.” And the brain just disengages.

And you’ve seen people’s eyes like this, haven’t you? They were with

you a moment ago. Right? And you can move your hands. I mean, no

actual sign of life. They’re physically sitting. Their brain just said, “I’m

just, I’m, I’m outta here.”

So the challenge with split seconds is – when you, you correct to preserve

energy and stay calm and notice opportunity, the brain’s instantly saying,

“Okay, that’s better. Let’s do that. Let’s – that’s better. Let’s do that.”

So the uptake or the adopting of the skill is really, really quick. So what I

love about it is, you can pick up these split-second skills really fast. They

will stay with you because they serve you, luckily. And in this world, you,

you can fire them without having to take any time to do it. It’s just how

you’re going to handle pressure. And if you do them, the phrase we use in

following peak performance, or peak performers around – you track them

through days of handling everything.

And, and they have the same kind of difficulties you and I have. I mean,

the lists. They, to us, are relentlessly constructive, while other people are

angry and distracted and firing off letters and threatening lawsuits and




26

whatever they’re doing. This group is amazingly steady through

everything. And they’re constructive about it. Not happy. This is not a

happiness segment, just of – in and of itself. But they’re constructive.

How do we build from this? How do we move forward from this? How

do we learn from this? And they’re endlessly there, and the split-second

skills get them there.

So a couple of the skills for a moment here. Split-second engagement. It

starts at the – we use this expression, at the door. At the door is when

your phone rings with caller ID before you answer it. Or walking – at the

door of the old days, walking into a meeting, or – if you still have

meetings walking in a door. I think you probably do. We do too, but …

That’s at the door. Can you clear your mind to actually fully be here?

Can you? Are you all in, a phrase we use in, in the, in the metrics. Are

you all in, which is energy, and are you all here, which is focus. And if

you’re not, then why are you here? Because if I read that, I’m gonna think

you don’t care.

So how deep can you engage, right, walking in that door? And it’s a split-

second choice because your mind’s full of all kinds of stuff before you

answer that phone. Can you leave it and enter this interaction? And if you

can, you, you – the, the ability to win trust and curiosity and referrals and

growth is enormous in these little windows. But if everything else works

and this doesn’t work, I’d build a case that you’re doomed these days.

You’re doomed.

So split-second engagement. How do you commit to it? How do you

practice it every time before you say hello on the phone, or hi, how are

you, every meeting before you walk in the door? And then you actually

have to keep choosing it, by the way. Just a little … The, the other

problem with being fully engaged is about 11 seconds in, your brain’s

saying, “I think they like you. That’s good enough.”

Powerful engagement. I didn’t mention that, but that’s actually the

problem is as soon as you start being fully engaged, your brain’s saying,

“Wow, this takes a lot of energy! Like, I’m, I’m pretty sure – Did you see

their eyebrow move? I think they like you. Let’s, like, let’s quit.” So it’s

endlessly saying, “Autopilot. Autopilot. Don’t, don’t keep doing it. It’s

too hard.”

If you don’t know that’s happening, you start out in a fully-engaged

meeting and 15 seconds in, you’re the one who’s spacing out, using

language from years ago that doesn’t work, I mean, effort. You’re,

you’re, you forgot their name. They have seven kids. No, you’re single. I

mean, that’s all, so, I mean, everything is going wrong here. Right?




27

You’re just – everything is firing wrong. You’re thinking, darn, I was

really hoping they’d call me back. And I’m thinking, I’m pretty sure

they’re not calling you back. Right? So just that whole – like, come on.

And so the challenge here is to – basically, with engagement, you have to

keep re-engaging. If this meeting is worth it – and, and again, here’s th –

why the brain loves this, right? If – I’m making sure I’m on time here. If,

if the world is becoming purposefully brief, it is, and if you could work 90

minutes in a day or 40 minutes in a day, out-producing what you now

produce, not everyday maybe, but most days, your brain is pretty fine with

really pouring a lot of energy into that one window. It is not fine with 18

hours of that.

So the saving grace in here is with these skills, your brain is thinking,

okay, are you taking care of us? Are we using energy wisely? It was

supposed to be a 15-minute phone call. We’re going nowhere in two

minutes. Gracefully say, wish you the best. I’m on to the next meeting. I

mean, so, the brain is actually watching you grow and observe and rise,

and it loves it. So it actually fits what peak performers do. They have an

ability to spend less time and have way more impact in this world than

everybody else. They make it look easy, but these are skills they’ve,

they’ve learned. So they keep tipping in, right?

In a jet, I get annunciator lights going out in an engine fire, or something’s

happening, and I just … And, and, and every recurrent training that’s, you

have – And I do it in the jet, so I have two examiners trying to kill me for

a period of part of a day. That’s my – every year. I mean, it’s their job to

fail everything, see if I can save it. Why? Right?

So on these whole ideas – Just remember, the first time I saved it pretty

well, didn’t I? Remember that time? No! I mean, you have to save it

every time. Right? It’s not just the first time where you get that little gold

star. You gotta keep doing this. So that ability to just tip in again.

So if the meeting matters – so you’re relevant, you’re compelling, it’s

about them, their – whatever they benefit from with you – you’re engaged.

You have to get more engaged. There are all kinds of ways to do it.

We’re not – we don’t have time today to talk about – little things, pen in

hand, or stylus.

James Pennebaker’s research, Southern Methodist University. When you

write as opposed to type or tap, right, the brain engages dramatically with

a pencil or a pen and a pad, or a stylus. On an iPad, No Cho, all kinds of

apps. So even if it’s just for you while you’re having an interaction, get

your pen out, turn the notepad – we use big Oasis pads. Curtis knows.




28

I mean, connecting the dots, right? They’ll grab the pen saying, “What

about over here?” And, and, they’re more engaged. But even more

importantly, now you’re engaged. When that pen is actually moving in an

interaction, the stylus making a point, circling a point, your senses, tactile

– The, the touch senses have big brain maps, right? So the hands – it’s,

it’s why – there, there’s a theory that gardeners and orchestra conductors

live so long partly because there’s – they activate so many more brain

circuits than the rest of us. We barely use our hands anymore.

So I just encourage you, for whatever the science is, is in the end,

whatever the final proof is, jotting notes and being engaged. It keeps you

more engaged.

Split-second aim. The brain basically has no aim. So when you meet in

meeting No. 2 with anyone – meeting No. 1 for sure, you try to set an aim.

Meeting No. 2, you’re walking down the hallway assuming they

remember meeting No. 1. No, they don’t even remember you. Right?

And their brain – and the expression we use humorously is, they are

looking for lunch. Right? Hope lunch is good today. I mean the, the

brain can live an entire lifetime. Skip the meeting about the future of the

planet earth, peace, water, the whole nine, skip that.

I work with Idaho National [inaudible][01:01:47]. Skip international

global security. What’s for lunch, right? We’re in, we’re in – you got

admirals and scientists in a room with you. It’s amazing. This part of the

videotape we should probably not have ever get loose. Just as a – but, but

it’s the, but it, it, it’s the image that we’re all wired this way. Right?

So you have to assume in any meeting with you, especially a follow-up

meeting, that they are looking for lunch. So who’s gonna have to aim the

conversation? That would be you and me. I mean, how many people do

you and I know who jump into a meeting saying, “First, we have to aim?”

Right? And they’re, they’re – no one does this. They’re just hoping

something funny – do you have any jokes today? I mean, they’re looking

– and it can play to the lowest common denominator, right, in minutes.

So you walk down the hallway – so great openings with things like this,

right? To start a meeting, you make a humie. You say, “Yeah, I was

thinking about the first meeting we had and the excitement you had.

Right? That target you’re going for with the business, the financial

security you want with your family and your, your grandkids that you

never had, how excited you were. And I was thinking about that, and the,

the team’s been working on that. Today we’re gonna follow through. It’s




29

great. I’m excited about the meeting today.” That’s me in a human way,

aiming something without having to be quite so obvious about it.

And then when they lose aim again … All right? Where’d you get those

cufflinks? All right? Whatever. I mean, you’re, you’re back to aiming

again. Right? Why are we here and discussing it? So this is your job.

Split-second aim and re-aim.

Split-second turn. We have an instant calming sequence that we’ve used

around the world that, that peak performers use. Amazing. This is a small

play off that. A split-second turn is your ability, when something bad

happens, to turn it into something good. So you’re driving, interacting. It

slows down someplace in your city at the one spot it’s not supposed to

slow down. Apparently not supposed to slow down. I’m quite cer – I’m

not quite sure who made this up, but you did. And now you’re really

angry, right? I mean, something starts to happen. Not you, of course. But

I mean, people in general are really angry.

I remember being in a – driving – Our oldest daughter just graduated from

college this weekend, and our youngest daughter, Shauna, was there too,

in her first year of college. She was at home. And we were just

remembering, one time I was driving Shauna and her little friends in the,

whatever pre-Brownie group it was for pre-Brownies, in, in the car. And

I, I was in the middle of a business day. Leslie was doing something else,

my wife. And so I’m chauffeuring. I’m in this area, and the traffic starts

slowing down in a place where it should not slow down. And now I’m

thinking, I’m going to miss my meeting. I have a car full of little kids in

uniforms, laughing. I mean, life’s pretty good to them.

And Shauna in the front seat with me – I’m, I’m, I don’t think I was

actually doing anything really, I don’t think I was honking or cursing or

anything. But Shauna stands up and turns to the kids in the back of, of the

car. And she says, “My dad’s over the edge, but he’ll be back.” And I

remember thinking, my dad is over the edge, but he’ll be back. Like,

what? Like, like, apparently I’m gripping the wheel like something’s not

great, right? But I’ll be back. I’ll eventually be back.

So a, so a split-second turn is the ability not to have to be over the edge to

get back. Right? That kind of a … So the key is, if you set the

environment you’re in – great phrase, kinda from Coca-Cola, the within,

within arm’s reach phrase. It’s part one – part of one of their visions. But

I, we love it environmentally. What you need, you want to keep in arm –

within arm’s reach, the tools you use to build energy on the job. Curtis

has been in our office. The conference room, I mean, X-sized cables over




30

every chair, push-up handles. We just, if, if it’s within reach, the chances

are you’re gonna use it. Right?

So the same thing with these little tools. So split-second turn means, what

would you want to have within reach if traffic slowed down to be highly

productive, that would give you energy back, that would be a really good

use of not moving in a vehicle? You could still keep cursing and often

pounding the steering wheel and wishing you had a helicopter. That’s

probably somewhat therapeutic. Maybe. But what if you had key people

you wanted to call to give recognition to, people who’ve gone the extra

mile for you, maybe in small ways but significant ways the last weeks and

you have not left them a voice mail? We call it a touch.

So what if you could have those numbers automatically queued, taped to

your dashboard, all right? And you’re not gonna – so, you’re not driving

with your knees, right? You’re stopped. I’m just being clear about how

you’re gonna actually … Because the multitasking process is pretty

amazing in how well it doesn’t work. But if you had those numbers and

you were ready to make some phone calls, the ease of having an earpiece

in, and then as traffic slows down and suddenly you’re not moving, but

you can start making those five calls or seven calls, or reaching out to

people you normally don’t get to. And opportunities happen.

And recognition that ignites more contribution from the people who matter

to your future happens. What an amazing use of, of a normally down

time. That’s a split-second turn. The only question is, where do you put

it? All right?

So these peak performers take every kind of hit, every kind of hit in every

sport, all right, top NBA players, in every sport, to analyze what do they

do when things go wrong, and how do they actually turn it into something

different when they can? It’s amazing. World records are set. Records

are broken by these small turns. They’re amazing. And the expression is,

they make it look easy. Right?

So the key is knowing life’s gonna hit you with these little barriers that

you don’t really like. Can you have something that you could do that’s

highly productive within reach, that whenever that happens, you’re ready?

And fill those gaps with those things, and watch how you get on top of

life’s pressures, not under them.

The world belongs to those with the most energy. De Tocqueville. Would

you agree with that? Some head nodding would help me here. We’re,

we’re, we’re on the – sort of heading toward lunch. It’s a ways off, but

we’re, we’re kinda still moving, all right? It’s just, some head nodding




31

would actually be – I’m, I’m trying to – I’m reading eyes here, sort of

looking into lights reading eyes.

The world belongs to those with the most energy. Why? Why? Why

would it? Versus the world belongs to those who are tense and tired.

Right? Does that ever sound like a winning phrase? No!

Male Speaker 2: People gravitate towards different people that actually wanna help.

Dr. Robert Cooper: Yeah. Yeah. My grandfather used to say, “People go where the energy

is.”

Male Speaker 3: Aiming, aiming requires energy.

Dr. Robert Cooper: Aiming – remember the brain’s resources again. The more energy you

have, the more the brain thinks, okay, we can do this. We can hang in

there a little bit longer. All right? Darren’s comment. Consistency.

Well, I can just, I can get that extra five minutes that could change

everything. I can stay exceptionally attentive five minutes longer, and

maybe that’s the one turn that changed everything for a project, if it was

the right choice. Energy. All right?

Well, what is it? All right? So energy. So we have teams that study –

I’ve had this love for a long, long time. So I’ve written in a mix of fields,

including health and fitness and performance and metabolic switches

because – as well as business and leadership and other fields because I’ve

always had this belief that they link. Right? That how we make energy,

right – so all the cells in your body produce energy. And they produce

energy, and that’s metabolism. And energy is life. It’s also how engaged

you are with your senses, like how alive are you? That’s metabolism. It’s

how alert are you? So there’s layers of alertness in performance science

that we study.

Attentiveness and alertness. There are layers. It’s how resilient you are.

It’s how much excess body fat you automatically burn off. It’s how young

you stay. It’s how well your immune system functions. It’s how resilient

you are, how fast you recover from anything bad. They integrate. So in

that room are all these researchers studying. Some are purely from the

weight loss/health field and longevity field. Some are purely from the

business arena. How engaged can you get for X amount of time on a

worthy project?

But they’re using the same mechanisms inside a human being. We call

them switches. All right? You, you and I can turn them on. And you and

I have a lot of little switches in there. If we know how to turn them on,




32

they’re like a light on a rheostat. So you just can make it brighter and

brighter all day long. Because every one of these small metabolic changes

that give us energy, it’s additive. All right? So across the day, we kept

seeing more and more cases of.

And, and years ago – I’ve known Kenneth Cooper, who pioneered

aerobics. We’re not related, but we’ve known each other for a long, long

time, just looking at formal exercise and, and, and all the conditions and

requirements. And it, and it’s wonderful, if you have the time for a full

kind of fitness program. It, it’s amazing. But what the research shows is

it actually isn’t enough, though.

Because you’ll be the one on your day – the every-other-day full workout

cross-fit program, whatever you’re doing. You’re the one looking for,

driving eight times around for that close parking spot because you did

your exercise. Why would you walk, right? That kind of a – not you, of

course, but that’s the brain. And if you think about that as a metabolic

wave, your metabolism every morning wakes up waiting for signals. So

we – this is thousands of years old. Your nervous system and metabolism

is basically asking you at the beginning of every single day, what kind of

day is this going to be? What kind of day do you want?

And the signals you give it change everything. You up at the last minute,

in the dark, drinking an entire pot of coffee yourself. You’re tremoring,

but you can make it. All right? That kind of a thing. Your brain assumes

it should shut down all metabolic processes, conserve every calorie as

body fat for that forced march across Siberia tonight. Right? That’s the

brain’s thinking on your behalf.

So now it’s, it’s even more caffeine to even feel barely alive. And now

you’re – this caffeinism that would have killed our ancestors, right? We

can drink enough caffeine that we’ve adapted, right? We would have

wiped out humanity with this much caffeine in the past. But we’ve

adapted to this, this … But that’s not the energy I’m talking about here.

So small doses of caffeine are fine for, for most of us. So then how do

you turn this energy up? It’s alertness, attentiveness, engagement, fat-

burning, stamina and health.

A couple of small switches among the many. I just wanna pick four kind

of simple little switches from the scientific research that work.

One, sipping ice cold water. A sip of ice water measurably ramps up

metabolism. A study from the Inter – International Journal of

Endocrinology and Metabolism, 2009, published in Germany. I’m sure

you read this issue. Sipping a half, sipping a half liter of ice cold water




33

raises overall metabolism for brain and body, fat-burning, energy-making

metabolism, 30 percent higher for the next 90 straight minutes. Right? So

sips of ice water, the body has to warm it. It activates fuel. It actually

burns fat preferentially from the abdomen, if you have any. Just a little

footnote, an ice-cold beer does not have the same effect as, as this

strategy.

But small sips of ice water have an amazing ability on brain processes. So

could you have within reach small – just ice-cold water, and sip? And the

key word is sipping. America has kind of become a guzzling, Big Gulp

kind of … You could – that much ice could probably – that would have

also killed our ancestors right there. Kind of an adapting. So sips are the,

are the key. So across the day, within arm reach – arm’s reach, some sips

of ice-cold water.

Changing the angle. The metabolic difference when you and I stand – so

if you put in an earpiece – there are times a day a lot of, of clients of ours

have stand-up desks, and we use earpieces. And the time of day when we

shouldn’t be sitting, we don’t.

But if while you’re standing – if you, if you walk into any, walk into the

Wal-Mart or, or a supermarket, and watch people in a long line, there may

be a lot of cursing going on or fuming, but they’re not moving much.

If you just shift your weight, right, just change the angle, shift your

weight, do a normal exercise and change the angle by a few degrees, that’s

another way to do this, you significantly increase metabolism. So just

while waiting, if you learn to shift your weight slightly, you dramatically

ramp metabolism, fat burning, energy production, versus cursing, standing

like a statue kind of … I mean, that’s a little extreme, but, but standing

still. So movement. Change the angle and you raise metabolism.

Get light. Harvard Medical School research. The eyes harvest light. So

look at a bright set of lights. Look at one of the chandeliers for a moment.

In the back there’s some kind of bright light shining at me right now. Just

take a couple seconds. The eyes will harvest enough light, up to 30 or 40

percent higher energy for the next – some times for an hour, some studies

suggest. Just from a couple of moments of brighter light. Look out a

window.

But do we do – we could, we could do any of these things, but we don’t

know these things, so we don’t do these things. And we adapt to being in

the same light all day, same position all day, and we wonder why we’re

tired. And we’re in our 13th cup of coffee, whatever that kind of image is.




34

Eat plus move. The, the thermic or heat-producing effect of eating even a

bite of food. Curtis would me tease me. I eat bites of power bars, flying

the jet or during the day. Just – I mean, you could probably eat 12 power

bars a day. Would probably would not be great as part of your dietary

program. Not terrific. But bites can work with, with uptake of nutrients.

And if you move within minutes, some say 30 but it’s probably less than

that, maybe within 15 minutes of eating even a bite of food or a snack, if

you just stand up or move, you double the metabolic impact. Calorie

burning, health benefit, it doubles. It’s a 2X. So just, every time you eat a

bite of anything during the day, we like eating small bites often, get up

more often. Put an earpiece in, move more. You’re automatically –

metabolism now becomes a lifestyle. And all of a sudden, you have a way

higher level of energy and health than anyone around you. And back to

the world belongs to those who have energy, people turn to you. How do

you do it, and your really old? And – I’m teasing.

But it’s like – I am really old. But it’s like, how do you keep this stuff

going, all right? How do you do this? Again, we love what’s simple. If

it’s scientifically-based, it’s super simple. And we just don’t do it because

we don’t see it, that it could make a difference.

Habit of leadership. A couple of final points. We use a phrase – and there

are a lot, there are a number of variations on this. But the phrase, most

amazing future. What is your most amazing future? It’s a really good

phrase in behavior change because it ignites. Not what’s your best future,

not what’s your most successful future or most financially-secure future,

or any of the other sayings. What’s your most amazing future? Little kids

can do this. All right? That may change, but they can come up with

something, no, no problem. In an instant, they can do this.

What’s great is there’s a process in you and me called emotional

experiential memory. It’s Deming’s eyes lighting up. In order to actually

change behavior toward a stretch goal, a meaningful goal, you have to

have this kind of emotion because that will allow you to let go of the

barriers, and you will change. Right?

You may have seen this study. It’s a great classical medical study over the

last – it’s probably over the last seven years, showing, a medical study

showing that nine out of ten people, post-major cardiac event, change no

behavior at all. And the medical message is, you are dead. If you keep

smoking, you don’t move, you’re gonna die. They smoke 18 packs a day

instead of one. I’m dying anyway, right? So whatever they’re doing, nine

out of ten. So the percentage nationally and internationally, nine out of




35

ten people with a doctor saying, “Let me tell you all the facts. You are not

gonna make it. You have to change,” nine out of ten change nothing.

Dean Ornish, on the flip, only asked one thing differently. Nine out of ten

of his patients changed behavior significantly. All he asked is, “What do

you most want to live for? What do you most want to live for? Give me

that list.” And nine out of ten of those people changed behavior, and it

sticks.

What do you think’s the difference? It’s this: emotional experiential

memory. If I can’t touch that chord, nothing is gonna move around those

wired, facilitated, deep habits that have become us. I won’t grow, and I

won’t change.

Part of the habit of leadership, it has a mix of rules in it. Build more, run

less, care more, carry less. Some cool stuff. I like small rules, big results.

Here are three of ours. We have a list of ten of these, but the first three. I

have a 60-second complaining rule in all my companies. You may come

and complain about anything. I am timing you. And at the end of 60

seconds, we’re going to build something, so get it out. All right? You

may complain 60 seconds, and I’m clocking you. Right? It’s a great rule.

You turn an egg timer on 60 seconds. I mean, it feels weird. You feel

kind of, like, useless, like what am I doing, like, let, it’s like it’s … But

until you get the feeling of what it …

And then I have a criticize/contribute rule. You may not criti – I love

insight. But the rule is, you may not criticize anything in any of my

companies if you work with me, unless you arrive having either already

pilot-tested the better way with proof that it’s better, or willing to lead the

pilot test to show us the better way, in which case we’re following you.

Human beings love to snipe. I mean, I just remember lecturing at Stanford

Business School. Just – the MBA students, they’re like fighter pilots,

right? They can shoot – they can’t make a business plan, they can shoot

anyone down, right? Just give them a business plan with an entrepreneur

on the stage, and they’re gonna light that thing up. It’s going down in

flames, right?

And I have the same mentor at Stanford, Michael Ray, as Jim Collins.

And, and, I, he – in creativity in business in, in, in Michael’s class, I just

love the examples of entrepreneurs having had their business plan

destroyed turning to the MBA students saying, “Yes, but we made $52

million in our second year, pure profit. I think we’re gonna keep doing

it.” And all the jaws drop, and the impossible happened. And what I just

love about that is this idea that if you have to arrive actually showing us




36

the better way – because at any level you can just lead, so just bring it,

versus criticizing things.

A lot of people try to substitute communicating for contributing also. All

right? Let’s talk about it, like, forever. You don’t actually build anything.

And then we’ll discuss it again. In fact, could we just have a different

discussion? I think there’s another way to see this. So are we

philosophers, or are we actually building something here? So if you want

to criticize, fine. Love that. Bring the contribution that we can see, and

we’re gonna measure it.

And then 15 total minutes of news in a day, and then it’s off. It’s all

sources: newspapers, radios, that, 15 minutes. And turn that clock on.

Because if you want to be bummed out, just listen to talk news nonstop.

You will have to be medicated. Right? They should have to pay back half

of the economic downturn. To me, I mean, the media, they owe us.

Right? They flamed it, accentuated it, magnified it. My personal theory.

Again, don’t quote this, kind of, outside your membership site. But

anyway …

Breakthroughs always tie into recognition. We, I, we do a lot of research

on recognition. Recognition is huge. And it, and it needs to be brief,

genuine, specific, and individualized. So you’re gonna have, give

amazing recognition when it’s brief and genuine, from the heart, specific

and individualized.

But in – my rule is it has to tie in to breakthroughs, no matter how small.

They have to have done something beyond business as usual in order to

get recognition. To me. Not just hey, thanks for coming to work today.

We get a little m – it gets a little murky, this kinda thank – it, kinda over,

like, hug people and thank them. I mean, I love appreciating people. But

I want the appreciation – if they learn that how to get attention in your

company is from the contributions that make the next levels happen, then

pretty soon that’s what they start doing.

Then get attention by complaining in the hallway and you listen to them,

and they give you their monkeys, and you take them? That’s exactly what

they’re gonna do. You’re training them. All right? So you wanna not do

that.

Weeklies. Seven-day sequences of growth. The brain can’t hide. Love

them. Four questions we use in weeklies in the beginning: 1). What did

you test this week beyond business as usual? What did you test? 2). What

worked? I know you know what didn’t work. I maybe don’t need to

know. 3). What did you learn? And 4). What’s next? And the only




37

wrong answers are nothing, nothing, nothing, and nothing, in which case

we’re gonna have a chat, right? I mean that’s …

So that’s this pacing of weeklies, right? So we’re back to the habit of

winning, right? You, you’re gonna test something above and beyond the

basics, the minimum, what – your basic responsibility. You’re gonna look

for what works and share it and grow it. And you’re gonna learn

something every week. And you’re gonna look ahead to next week. So

now we’re integrating those habits here as well with leadership.

Feedback. Oh, my [inaudible][01:21:15]. W. Edwards Deming and I

talked a lot about this. We used to have a word, criticism. Then we

created an oxymoron, constructive criticism. And then we created another

word that we use in place of it, feedback. I would build a case that not one

human being on earth jumps up in the morning saying, “Hope I get

feedback today.” Right?

So why? Because the way we’re wired – so we all need it, so I’m not,

I’m not – this is not an anti-feedback message. It’s kinda the right way to

grow it, with the most power. So the brain endlessly feels that feedback is

flaw-finding. All right?

Someone’s in the hallway, says, “I wanna give you some feedback.” And

you say, “I can hardly wait.” All right? What are you actually thinking,

right? And then you smile and it’s, that’s tiring. And at the end you say,

“Thank you so much for the feedback.” And then your brain is saying,

“We will bring him or her down, no problem. We’re gonna, dedicating

my life to making sure … I mean, the passive/aggressive behavior … I

mean, we had no – we have – we are totally maxed, no time for anything.

But we can sure bring down that leader, right? I can – a whole campaign

starts.

Why? Because we have a limited tolerance for flaw-finding. Right? The

brain doesn’t want to feel guilty. That’s why – you know what? Those of

you in financial services, you’re trying to get people to save and plan?

They don’t. So they don’t wanna feel guilty about not having done it, so

you have to find a way around that. So this exciting future they want and

how they want to feel is what guides their behavior. It’s huge. Because

otherwise, you’ll never get there. They’re gonna run – they, they, they’d

rather win the lot – I’m pretty sure I’m gonna win the lottery. I don’t want

to hear about my lack of a savings account. So the brain will defer to that.

So the key here is feedback. We need it, but we can only handle it briefly,

very insightfully.




38

Female Speaker: [Inaudible][01:22:54].

Dr. Robert Cooper: Got it. Thank you. Yeah, I saw that too. So Harvey pinning you down

for five minutes, right? Some, wha – however Harvey does this, right?

Looking straight at you. Great read. We, so, we can handle that, and it’s

from someone who’s earned the right to give it. That makes all the

difference in the world also, versus an org chart, people for sabotage and

maneuvering and politics giving you feedback, right, that you have to

read.

But nonetheless, flaw-finding, brief window, no matter who it comes

from. The ma – because – and I’ve, we’ve made mistakes, or we’re stuck.

As soon as we’re aware of it, it hurts enough already. I mean, it doesn’t

take very long for us to feel like, okay, that didn’t feel great. So then, can

you turn in to feedforward? All right?

So I want you – Coca-Cola’s adopted this worldwide in their senior

leadership program, and many other – Intel – many other companies, just

because it works dramatically better for leaders. So you put a clock on it.

One minute out of ten, we’re looking backwards at something. We can

analyze it, tear it apart, unless you’re an engineer with space launch,

something, capsules, rocket-booster stuff, where you’re actually gonna use

the engine, and hearing feedback is a different analytic than this.

But about a minute looking backwards. And then the next bit of time, like

a great mentor saying, “Okay. Taking everything we’ve learned going

forward, how do we move up to the next level? What do you think? All

right? That’s feedforward. So there’s hope in that for the brain. The

brain can really learn well in that space and test things.

So yes, we need feedback. Can you also then just kinda turn it? And from

knowing Harvey’s writing and work, I’m thinking a lot of what he does is

feedforward anyway. So I’m just making a distinction in terms here.

What I, what I want with this is this laboratory being able to grow into

this, this higher different space. Make things visual. Put things on the

wall. The brain is prompted visually. Make it so constructively irritating,

your targets, reminders, habits. Bright colors.

In fact, I was at, at 3M when they invented Post-It Notes. Feels like a long

time ago now. But commercial office product’s there.

Q and A. We have – I’m gonna, I, I – like Darren, I’m gonna weave the Q

and A, I think, into the rest of the day here. I’ve got one little kinda final

set of a colludin – a, a colluding story that’s got two little links to it.




39

So my commitment, if I can today, is I’ll be around if you want to pin me

down and ask me anything. I opened a lot of doors here today for you.

We had a graduate school assignment. How they come up with these, I

don’t know. I mean, this – you’re actually paying tuition for this. What’s

the longest sentence that you could possibly write with only two-letter

words in English? What is the longest sentence you can write with only

two-letter words in English? So we spent some hours sort of analyzing

this assignment. And, and this was the answer: If it is to be, it is up to me

or us to do it. If it is to be, it is up to me or us to do it. Always remember

that. Little words, big impact to me. So that just means you have to start,

all right? We go from here.

Mix of ways that projects play out in the world. This, this is one of the

charities that, that we really helped to start, how four women can put up a

30-year home in four hours. There are about a billion people in the world

that will never have a home. And I dared some architects and Barclays

Bank and GE and 3M and NASA and some other groups to get involved

and create a design for a green home, 30-year home, that could be staked

on packed earth if you can’t even buy the land, or put on a slab and, and

painted. And there’s a loft, and you could run a little business out of it.

And for $4,000.00 a women and children – a woman and children could

have a home.

And that’s an example of a whole bunch of big companies getting together

on a project that, that to me, it just so touches my heart. I mean, the, the

eyes of people that would be kind of lost otherwise and missed. And, and

one of my messages to those leaders was, we can all do it later, maybe,

when we retire. I mean, that’s what the brain is saying, “I’ll, I’ll really

help later.” And what I said to them was, “I think if we help now, it’s

gonna mean more that our – the people working with us, their hearts will

engage more. It will mean more to us.” So that’s the Abōd Shelters

Project.

My last point today. The last conversation I had with my dad’s dad. So

growing up, my dad worked on the hospital ship Hope. He was away a

lot. I was the eldest grandchild in my family. My two grandfathers

noticed how, how often my dad was away. So they promised each other,

and me, that they would spend extra time with me.

And so growing up, they really helped me get my bearings in the world.

And they always treated me more grown up than I was. They, I, I – so I

resented it at the time a lot, like you don’t pick on my brother and sister,

who were littler. You pick on me. I’m like, why do I have to stay and

learn these things? And you always wanna know, what’s the lesson? And




40

you think I can do things, and I’m little. I can’t really do those things.

And they, they both in different ways – My mom’s dad was a surgeon

with the Mayo brothers. My, my dad’s dad died of his fifth heart attack

when I was 16 years old, just 17.

Last conversation I had with my grandfather Cooper was on the telephone.

And he was gone with my grandmother to a lake in Minnesota, where they

went every summer. And a lot of stories around that. But there’s a little

cabin on the lake, and the nearest phone was in a farm house a quarter of a

mile through the woods. And the next nearest phone was five miles away.

And they were gone in the summer, and I had just turned 17. And I’m

walking in the kitchen at home and, and the kitchen phone rang. So I, I

take the phone. Remember the curly cord and the, I – and the phone on

the wall? And it’s my grandfather. And it’s dark out. And I, I remember

thinking, Grandpa, why are you calling me?

And he said – he, and – I’d just, I’d been working my jobs that summer.

And he said, “I have a question for you.” He always did this. And I

thought, okay, I’ve been reading the newspapers. He’s gonna ask me

about some world events or something like that. And he said, “Are you

ready?” And I said, “I’m, I’m ready.” And I wasn’t ready. And, and I’m

still trying to process how did he get to a telephone, and it’s dark? And

his question to me was literally this, and I wrote it on the pad all those

years ago, is if you knew you only had an hour to live, who would you call

and what would you say? If you knew you only had one hour to live, who

would you call and what would you say?

And I thought, okay, he’s really trying to stretch me here. And I said, “I

would call you.” And he said, “And I’m calling you.” He said, “Robert,

I’m not sure I only have an hour to live, but my heart doesn’t feel very

well. Your grandmother helped me walk through the woods. I wanted to

get to a phone to call you.” He said, “Take out the pad on the kitchen

counter. Write down these notes.” So I wrote down these notes on this

little notepad I still have. And it’s, it’s 12 pages, a little notepad, of notes.

And, and it probably was seven, eight minutes on the phone. And he just

said, “Good night.” And that was the last time I talked to him.

He said, “I want you to write some things down.” He said, “I’ve been

thinking about them these last days.” And he said – and this was my life

with him.

But he said, “I got a lot of things wrong.” He said, “I thought it took a, a,

a lot of time to make a difference in the world, and I was really wrong.”

He said, “I’ve been thinking these last days about the most exceptional

people I’ve, I’ve ever known in the world.” And he said, “I think they,




41

they saw so many things different than I saw.” And he said, “I think they

had rules that I didn’t have, and I want you to have them sooner than, than

I realized that I needed them. I want you to build more and run less. Care

more and carry less. I want you to learn how to win more and work less.

And I want you to learn how to live more and regret less.”

And he said, “There’s one phrase I want you to write down.” And he said,

“I think I lived almost my entire life thinking the opposite, and I was

wrong.” He said, “I want you to write down, greatest possible

significance in the least amount of time.” He said, “I thought in order to

create significance –” He said, “Robert, you define what that is for you, in

your, in your work, in your life, in your faith, with your family. But I

thought you had to spend a lot of time to do significant things. For

someone to trust you, you spend all this time. To make a difference, you

spend all this time.” And he said, “And I was wrong.” And he said, “I

don’t want you to be wrong.”

He said, “When you look around at people in this world that can make

these huge differences, they have this guiding principle that hardly anyone

else has. The guiding principle is, how can I take the things where, the

places where I can have the greatest significance in my life, in my work?

And how could I do, do it with greater and greater significance in less and

less time, and then be able to move on and do more things of significance

that matter?”

So I want to leave with you this idea of greatest possible significance in

the least amount of time. And I, I salute you for being part of a roundtable

program like this that, that stretches you, and the courage it took you to be

in this room with Harvey, with the team here. I, I admire you, and I wish

you the absolute best. So thank you very much.

[End of Audio]

Duration: 92 minutes


leveraging emotional intelligence - amazon s3 · leveraging emotional intelligence 3 thousands of...

Documents