life group manual- grace church

8/18/2019 Life Group Manual- Grace Church

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LIFE GROUP MANUAL

“An In House Guide”


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Contents

Intro: A note to leaders.

Big Picture: An overview of how Life Group fits within Grace Church.

Wins: Our goals for Grace.

Role: An introduction to the role of a Life Group leader.

Four Rhythms: What takes place in a Life Group.

Connection: How change occurs in people.

Opportunities: Areas to be aware of God moving.

Communication Skills: Some helpful communication tips.

First Aid Kit: When you are frustrated, want to quit, or give up.

Kids: Lots of tiny people running around the house.

Problem: What to do with sin in Life Group.

The Command to Go: Reaching out to our community

Plant: We’ve got 39 people and one bathroom, now what?


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Intro

Welcome to Grace Church Life Group Leadership. Chances are if you’ve been

around Grace Church for a while you’ve picked up on bits and pieces of what we are

about and what things happen in what order. This is not the purpose for what you have

in your hands. All of that could probably fit into a single pamphlet like you’d find in the

pocket of an airplane seat. Instead this manual attempts to convey the culture we aim

to share, and equip you for discipleship inside the body of Christ.

Our goal is to know the One who has made what we call life and share that

relationship with people along the way. This is our desire for Life Groups, of which you

are now a part. At the center of all this church stu# resides a God who does not dwell

in temples built by hands (or programs built by churches); He dwells in you and me and

soon in someone else. He is real, relevant, and unknown by many. Many people have

been o#ered religion; few have been o#ered life, freedom, and Jesus.

I look forward to this endeavor with you. The goal is not to be a stunning example of

greatness and leadership. The goal is to know the heart of God and actually live it. It

will be messy and time consuming, but thanks for being up for it.

Gratefully,

Pastor David


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The Big Picture

At Grace Church we believe the only hope and home for every heart is Jesus.

We believe that God has called out undeserving, dead people for Himself and madea relationship possible to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is the good news.Transformation occurs as believers and unbelievers take, test, and trust the gospel. Forthis reason we desire to create a few focused structures in order to connect the heartof the gospel with the hearts of people. Life Group is one of these.

Life Group is the next step for those who have been attending our Sundaygatherings or Life Group could be the first step for those who would never attend ourSunday gatherings.

We firmly believe that the heart of the gospel can be visible in these small circles of

believers and want to allow God the freedom to use one another to grow us and shapeus to look like Jesus. This process is often messy, uncomfortable, risky, breaks culturalnorms, and is tedious. It is not for the faint of heart.

Life Group is not one option in a bu#et of church ministries. It represents the firststep in our philosophy for local mission, it is our first step in discipleship, it is ourspiritual growth philosophy, it is our hospitality training, and our reproductive plan. Wehave “front loaded” Life Group to be the consistent place where people connect toJesus and each other.

For this reason we ask everyone who considers themselves to be a member of

Grace Church to be a part of Life Group.

It is our prayer that Jesus would draw people to himself and grow His church inKennesaw, Cobb County, and the state of Georgia. We pray that God will be faithfuland gracious enough to see a new church planted in a city near us that is underpinnedby Life Groups from Grace Church.


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The Win

Everyone likes to win. It’s also clear that most people are willing to do whateverit takes to win. Often what is not so clear is the goal. It is possible that each individual

on a team could have a di#erent idea of what winning looks like. If this were the caseeach individual could succeed at their own goals, but the group may not succeed at itslarger goal.

Just because one is mistaken about the win does not mean they misunderstandthe process. The win in baseball is to score points to win the game. This is achieved byadvancing runs, which is achieved by hitting the ball. If the batter thinks, “My goal is tohit the ball” he is not wrong about the process, he simply needs to focus on the largerwin of the team to be a success. For this reason it is important that everyoneunderstand what the main wins are ahead of time, so that everyone can work toward acommon goal.

Grace Church has two main wins. As a Life Group leader these will be your twomain objectives for your Life Group.

Grace Church’s wins are:

For the Heart of the Gospel (Grace): to be visible, believable, and repeatable in and

through our Life Groups.

Some Tangible examples could be

$ Service motivated by God’s grace

$ Love for one another displaying the truth of Jesus

$ Our work done in a way that causes others to consider God

$ Members speaking God’s grace to one another in difficult times

For the Heart’s of people: to take, test, and trust Jesus and his work in their lives.

Some tangible examples could be:

$ Risking time, talent, and treasure to be used by God

$ Repentance and confession


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$ Coming to a greater understanding of one’s new identity in Jesus

Please note that these wins are for our in house leadership discussions and are not meant for repetition word for word in a Life Group. We want you to express the wins in your own words and be able to explain why we do what we do.

As Life Group leaders we will often get together and talk about these wins, barriers tothese wins, and ways to tweak our system to accomplish them more.

Within your Life Groups we want to celebrate these wins. You should encourageindividuals as they do them, find ways to anticipate them, and make people feel valuedwhen they occur.


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The Role

God’s word says the church is made up of many people with di#erent talentsand abilities. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4 that each member has been given gifts to

build up the body of Christ. Life Group is a unique place for this principle to become areality. For this reason Grace Church is committed to creating a Life Group culture inwhich leaders equip individuals to fulfill their God given roles.

This belief means that your role as a Life Group leader is not to be the leader ofeverything. Simply put you should not be doing it all. It is true that you may need to docertain tasks in the beginning, but a prolonged desire to do everything will demonstratea confusion about the purpose of Life Group. People will model what you do. If you doit all, you will communicate that successful leadership is doing everything. This is notthe case. Successful leadership serves and empowers others to serve.

The challenge is to allow Jesus to influence you and in turn influence others towardJesus. Your leadership role is to lead toward Jesus and toward the personalcontribution of all your Life Group members to the church (we’ll go more into memberdevelopment in another section).

The following are areas that can/should be delegated:

$ Teaching: lets be honest not everyone who will be a leader will be the teacherin the group. Some may choose to assign the biblical section to others whoare interested in serving this way.

$ Leading a night of prayer $ Food Coordination

$ Community involvement / Service

So What Are Life Group Leaders?

A Metronome :

• Set tone, pace, and boundaries• Model the Christian Life

• Facilitate and organize

• Be a faithful presence


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A Match :

A Thermometer :

Grace Church will, from time to time, provide training in a specific skill or area.

• Stimulate other’s spiritual gifts/skills for useinside and outside Life Group meetings

• Cultivate relationships

• Help resolve conflicts

• In a simple way, be able to teach and

communicate basic bible truths • Identify and help train the next generation

of leader

$ Be aware of needs and growthopportunities

$ Establish a culture to multiply or start a

new Life Group $ Be cognizant of conflict areas

$ Identify your groups attitude and a#ectiontoward God


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The Four Rhythms

Life Group has been designed to contain four essential rhythms. While theactual practice of these parts will di#er from Life Group to Life Group, the four rhythms

should be present in some form. It is up to you as the leader insure all are being done -this will be discussed in more detail later in this section. It is also important to knowthat the order of these is not set in stone. It is the presence and the practice of therhythms and not the particular order that makes up Life Group.

Rhythm One: A Meal

Each Life Group should have a shared meal. This meal is not something that isdone at the same time as the other rhythms, but rather is it’s own event. A meal is

exactly what it sounds like - a meal. The Life Group will cook or share food that hasalready been prepared. The sharing of a meal is a community practice and allows newpeople the chance to get to know individuals who are regular participants.

It is during the meal time that the individuals of the Life Group get to BE the church toone another and also to any unchurched people that visit. Meal time is an open timefor the church to put into practice the biblical principles that they are learningthroughout the other times of Life Group.

Some Things To Note:

$ A goal is for everyone to eat something. No one should go without. Watch

for individuals taking too much food and not being respectful of those whohave not yet eaten. If this occurs simply plan on eating less yourself andperhaps consider reiterating why we do all that we do. Do not confront theindividual during the eating time unless it is clearly necessary. You are not thereferee. You are the leader. This means you will need to formulate a way tomake a “Connection” with that individual (we will talk about connections laterin this document). If the individual eating too much is a guest, great! This maybe the best meal they get all week, so send stu# home with them.

$ A goal is for people to relate with one another. Watch for people eating

alone. If someone is eating alone that is new, this is an indication that thegroup has not yet consciously grasped the idea of welcoming new individuals.If they are a regular attender, perhaps take someone with you and go eat withthem. Always take someone with you when performing a task that you wouldlike repeated. Simply say, “Hey Andy, lets go eat with Jim. “ If you need toleave Jim, you’ve then left someone with him.


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$ A goal is for people to view the meal as part of spiritual life together.

MANY people will avoid this at all costs. You may have people skip the mealand show up on other nights simply to get to the “bible part”. Others mayroutinely look at their watch or ask,“is this all we are doing?” or ask, “when willwe get to the Bible.” Unless this is your host, consider that this individual

probably sees the meal as non essential. Consider gently responding to theindividual. If not consider engaging this person about their week. Askquestions. Do not be surprised if this individual gets angry or uncomfortablewhen probed about their life. It is a common response to not feelingcomfortable with personal community.

$ Be conscious about your host. Take cues from them as to what needs to be

washed, stacked, and done. Do not do it all yourself. Do not be afraid to asksomeone to help you or the host in the kitchen.

$ Watch for individuals who are finished eating and are not allowing roomfor those who need to eat. Do not be afraid to ask for someone to make

room for another person to sit. Do not interrupt conversations rudely.

$ A goal is for everyone at some time to lend a hand in the kitchen. Do not

let one person monopolize every task every meal. Some individuals do notknow what else to do in the kitchen other than take charge. If they are worriedor concerned about the food preparation to an abnormal level, reassure themthat the host has everything under control and that the host is present for suchpurposes. The specific individual may love to help and do a good job, but theymust know that they can not do it all. Let them serve in one area of the meal orhelp with two, but diversify jobs. Others need a chance to serve.

Logistics:

$ Your Host will be responsible for assigning dishes and items to be brought

from your Life Group, however you will need to double check with your host

that this is being done and that he or she has everything they need to do this.Take the lead on issues. If you are not sure if something is being done,chances are no one else is either.

$ Complement people on their cooking. Be honest. If you can’t say anything

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$ Take the lead if you feel that an area is becoming too crowded. Do not be

afraid to ask people to spill into another room or ask your host if it is ok forpeople to eat in the living room.

$ In the case of food poisoning notify all who were in attendance of symptoms

and take note of what was served. Go to the hospital if there are anyquestionable instances.

$ Specifically note that all children are eating near a parent or adult and

instruct any Life Group attendee that is approached by a child for food to askthe parent or have the child ask the parent for permission.

$ Finally Relax. Talk to new people. Listen to Regulars. Share your life during

the meal time.


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Rhythm Two: Bible Study

Each Life Group should have a night when the Bible is the center of the groupsattention. This is not because the Bible is a great textbook, but rather because it is the

revealed word of God and has the ability to change lives. The Bible is that which showsus how we are to grow, where we are to grow, and equips us to do this through Jesusand the Holy Spirit.

The Bible time should be anywhere from 30 to 40 min. Beware of burning peopleout on too much content. There should be a time when the Bible is read and a timewhen individuals examine their lives in relation to what was read.

As a leader your role will be to support the Bible and never get in the way of it.You are a facilitator not the professor.

The following practices are recommended

$ Know ahead of time what will be read and discussed. Have a plan.

$ Avoid overpacking time with too much information. Teach one thing well

rather than many things half as well.

$ Teach less content for more application.

$ Do not monopolize the conversation, rather start it.

$ Consider yourself as a guide for the passage. You should know information

about di%cult verses or odd background content should the need arise,however just because you know it does not mean it needs to be brought up.Let things go if they do not come up.

$ Wait long enough for individuals to share. You will need to get used to

awkward silence. Some individuals need time to think and process. Others just

need time to get up the courage. Wait and when in doubt wait a bit more.

$ When phrasing questions be clear and specific. Do not use compound

questions or long confusing questions. Ask open ended questions.


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Additionally watch for these common pitfalls:

$ Speaking too long: People need the opportunity to participate during the

meeting to experience openness and community and to actively interact with

God's word.

$ Weak application to everyday life: The Bible time may be interesting and full

of content, but so often the application is weak or unclear. People should leaveLife Group realizing God has spoken to them and they know what they coulddo di#erently in their lives to cooperate with God. Application to people'severyday lives should be very clear and specific.

$ Not lively enough: This point applies both to you and the mood of Bible

study. Monotone leaders need to work hard to get a little inflection into their

voices, even if it feels uncomfortable. Get lively. Add an illustration andpersonal vulnerability. People can help out here, too. Rather than falling asleepduring the Bible Study, people could nap beforehand, drink co#ee, and comeprepared to contribute to the meeting. Leaders should work in plenty ofopportunities for participation in the middle of any teaching time.

$ Dull atmosphere: This will primarily be your Host’s responsibility, however do

not be afraid to discuss it with your host if it becomes a problem. Exercisecreativity in making Life Group a environment that is conducive to focus butnot one that is boring. Turn on a few lamps, provide plenty of pillows for

individuals on the floor, build a fire...anything to foster a time of extendedcommunity.

$ One individual answering every question: Often this individual could simply

be excited and just eager to participate. If this is the case recognize it for whatit is and count it as a win. To counteract it consider calling on anotherindividual to answer a question. Additionally, consider phrasing open endedsubjective questions as opposed to just questions that require a fact or directanswer. Still one more solution may be to sit directly next to the individual. Incircles the person to the left or right of the leader is often the least likely toshare. If it consistently happens consider communicating the goal of everyone

sharing. Sometimes this individual has mistaken the goal as answering thequestion right away.

SITUATION #1 - Stand Alone Bible Study

Your Life Group might choose to study a portion of scripture or book together for atime. The goal for your Life Group study should be to teach less for more. While you


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may cover a chapter of scripture ultimately you want to come down to that one thingthat really sums up the main point of the passage. This is the principle message towhich all the author’s e#orts and arguments point. You may spend time inbackground, word studies, di%cult verses, and analogies, but ultimately work hard todig for that main point. It may take a lot of cutting out. It may be that the chapter has

two great main points, awesome! Pick one and hammer it home. Often times the mainpoint will be the one thing in the passage that you really want your Life Group tounderstand.

There is one phrase that directs all of your study. “Context is key” The number onereason for the wrong interpretation is having the wrong context. What events causedthe author to write what he did? Who was his audience? Where did they live? Whatwas the culture like? What significant events had just happened or were on thehorizon? What has the author been talking about in the whole book? Many people willfirst attempt to apply the verse without finding out what it means. Encourage them andpraise them for wanting to apply the verse to their life, but direct the group to discover

the meaning before applying it to their lives. Something like: “That’s a great thoughtand I can see where you are getting that, but in this instance there is somethingspecific Paul is saying. Can anyone see what it is?”

Some study aids that can assist you in your preparation could

be:

$ Online Resources: (Xenos Christian Fellowship in Columbus has many,studylight.org, blueletterbible.org, regreek.com)

$ Dave/other pastors

$ Concordances

$ Commentaries

$ Dictionaries

$ Biblical Surveys

$ Systematic Theology

$ Life Group Study Guide (Appendix A)

$ The Swedish Method (Appendix B)

When studying be sure to do your work first. Read through the chapter, pray, and doyour best to see if you can find the main point, then check it with a commentary.


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Once you’ve found your main point work through some application exercises to helpdevelop a few questions for discussion. Here are a few exercises that can aid you.

$ Concentric Circles of Relationship: chances are, you’ve done this before but

just not known it. Take your one main principle and ask what does this mean

for me, my family, my neighborhood, my city, my world, etc.

$ The Cross Question: Ask “Where is the cross in this passage?” This question

is not one to actually ask your Life Group, but in preparation to yourself. Theinfluence of the cross ultimately can lead you to application of your principle.I.e. Jesus died so we can have a relationship with God. We can now approachGod freely - therefore I should not be afraid to come to God. What are thingsthat cause us to worry about approaching God? What does this verse sayabout them? What should we do?

$ Andy Stanley’s Q’s: These are just a few standard questions that Andy askshimself when studying a passage. I’ve found they help me focus.

a. What do they need to know? (Information)

b. Why do they need to know it? (Motivation)

c. What do they need to do? (Application)

d. Why do they need to do it? (Inspiration)

e. What can I do to help them remember? (Reiteration)

$ Literal Personalization: Physically write down a character description of the

individuals in the chapter or story. List their occupation, family background,history, actions, feelings expressed, and emotions. Next to your descriptionthink of modern day society and identify similar applicable situations. I.e.Timothy - didn’t really know his dad. Many individuals today are missing aparent. Read the verse then in context in light of the individual being written toor talked about.

$ Negative / Positive: This is the simple exercise of looking at your point from

both sides. Ask every question from both sides i.e. “Who helps us when wedon’t know what to pray?” followed by “Who opposes us when we don’t knowhow to pray?”


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An application is specific and has action, it should cut out ambiguity. “We shouldlove” is not a good application, “God’s love means this week I will weed my neighborsgarden (ok so not perfect but you get the point).”

In the end you should have a number of applications from the main point of the

chapter. Great! You’re not done.

Lastly, you are the guide, not the typical teacher. You’re goal is to lead individualsthrough the chapter to discover and personalize that application to the group.Formulate a few probing questions that can open up the floor for personal discussion.These questions best start with, ‘Describe a time.....” or “Share an event that...” Avoidquestions in this section that start with “Have you ever...” or “Has anyone” or “Wasthere ever.....” These questions all can be answered with a simple yes or no and do notopen up any more discussion.

The Big Question:“What if as the leader I get asked something and I don’t know an answer?!!” Do not

guess. Simply say, “You know I don’t have an answer this week, but I will find out foryou.” Your goal is not to be the guru with all the answers. Spiritual maturity is notknowledge. It is Christ like obedience.

Always remember!!!

Hard (and sometimes aggressive) questions always originate from a point of pain. Ifsomeone is forcibly calling to question a specific area of the text in a personal wayunderstand that there is most likely a painful experience behind the question.

SITUATION #2 - Sermon Re-cap Study from Tim Chester’s - “Following up the sermon in small group”

Occasionally all of our Life Groups will study the same thing together by covering thescripture that was preached during our Sunday gathering. This time allows for specificdiscussion and application of what we’ve heard from God’s word on Sunday. It alsoallows those who served one Sunday or were absent to stay current on a particularseries.

In this instance the primary focus in the Life Group is not doing a Bible study on thepassage (that work should have been done in the gathering), nor recapping what wascovered at the gathering (though this may have be done briefly). The primary focus ison exploring the implications for our lives and our life together. Here are some thoughtson how this may be done.

Try to focus on the implications that are specifically relevant to your gospel community.This may not cover all the ideas presented at the gathering or even the main idea.


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Instead be open to the Spirit so the application is specific to your gospel community.The advantage of applying the Bible teaching in the gospel communities is that we canpush application into the specifics of our lives and our life together as a gospelcommunity.

If you are unclear how to follow up the gathering teaching then the following formatmay help. It is based around two rubrics so it should be easy to remember:

" head, hands, heart

" personal, communal, missional

It could be used cold is a crisis has wrecked your preparation time. But it is designedas a framework that you can elaborate as you tailor it to the passage and the needs ofyour gospel community.

Start by rereading the passage of the Scripture.

How did the Holy Spirit speak to your heart?

This will help recap what was said and allow those who missed the gathering to catchup. If people’s recall is patchy you may want to summarise what was said or you mayfocus in on one aspect of special relevant to your gospel community.

Phrasing the question this way emphasizes that we are not engaged merely in theprocess of analysing an ancient text, but a dynamic process in which the living Godspeaks to his people through word by his Spirit. Quoting Psalm 95, Hebrews 3:7 says,‘as the Holy Spirit says’ (present tense). The Spirit not only ‘spoke’ (past tense) throughthe original authors of Scripture to ensure their words were God’s word without error.The Spirit also ‘speaks’ (present tense) as we read those words today.

This is also an opportunity to ensure people understand what the passage is saying.You may want to ask whether people have any questions.

What are the implications for your life? Our life together? The world around us?

Our aim is to understand the word (our heads) so we can apply it:

" to our lives (our hands)

" to our a#ections (our hearts) The rubric ‘head, hands, heart’ corresponds to the need when teaching the Bible to:


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" make it clear = head

" make it real = hands

" make it felt = heart

Asking about our life together will draw out the communal implications and the asking

about the world around us will draw out the missional implications. God’s word doesnot speak to a Christian ghetto. It is a public word for the world. Asking this questionwill also help members of your gospel community to share God’s with their unbelievingfriends and apply it to their work, politics, cultural engagement and so on.

" What are the personal implications (for you)?

" What are the communal implications (for our gospel community)?

" What are the missional implications (for those we want to reach for Christ)?

The use of the word ‘implications’ rather than ‘application’ is significant. ‘Application’implies a process that we do to make God’s word relevant to us. ‘Implications’emphasizes that God’s word is inevitably relevant to us.

Other helpful generic questions are:

" What questions do you have?

" What do you find striking in the passage or story?

" How do you think the first readers or the people involved the story felt?

" How would you have reacted?

" What do we learn about God in this passage or story?

" What do we learn about human beings in this passage or story?

" Where have we seen this in the Bible story before?

" What in this passage points to Jesus or shows our need for Jesus?

" What are the links to our stories?

" When have you faced a similar challenge?

" How are we like the people in the passage or story?

" How does the passage challenge or encourage you?

" How does the passage help us see what it mean to walk in God’s ways?

" When might you talk about this passage with a Christian?

" When might you talk about this passage with an unbeliever? The rubrics ‘head, hands, hearts’ and ‘personal, communal, missional’ provide a usefulpattern or checklist for looking at the word in gospel communities.


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Summary

intro/head

1. How has the Spirit spoken to you through this section of God’s word?

2. Do you have any questions? (or How would you summarise the message of thissection or story?) Do people understand the passage?

personal/hands 3. What are the implications for you? (or How does this section speak to your heart orlife?) Do people recognize the personal implications for them as individuals?

communal4. What are the implications for our gospel community? (or When might you talk aboutthis section with a Christian?) Do people recognize the communal implications for usas a gospel community?

missional

5. What are the implications for those we want to reach? (or When might you talk aboutthis section with an unbeliever?) Do people recognize the missional implications forthose we want to reach for Christ?

heart 6. What gospel motives does this section give? (or How should this section shape ourlove, hope, fears or desires?) Are people motivated by gospel a#ections?

Often when asking the six questions above the pattern will be head, hands, heart. Inother words, some action will be commended (e.g. sharing the gospel, loving yourspouse) and motives will take the form of right a#ections (love, hope, fear, desiresshaped by the gospel). But with some passages the reverse may be the case. What iscommended are right a#ections. The motives will then be (explicitly or implicitly) the

right behaviour or emotions (conflict avoidance, reduced anxiety, boldness in witness)that flow from reordered a#ections.


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Rhythm Three: Sharing / Prayer

At Grace Church we believe that apart from God we are not able to be in a rightrelationship with Him or others. Jesus takes our lives and changes us from self

centered individuals into God centered individuals. “Following Christ means sharingyour life.” This third rhythm of Life Group provides individuals with a sanctioned placeto be vulnerable with one another. It is the actual sharing of life and is comprised oftwo main elements, talking to one another and talking to God together.

Talking is essential to getting to know one another and identifying commonalities. It isalso a time when di#erent age groups can hear from one another the struggles andlessons that each have been experiencing. Some sharing included in this time wouldbe:

$ Things God has been personally teaching someone through life experience

$ A particular scripture that has impacted the individual the past week

$ A significant life event

$ An answer to prayer

$ A prayer request

$ An interpersonal relationship in which God showed up

$ A story about an application of a principle which the Life Group has been

discussing

Sharing can be a terrific time to grow and get to know one another, but there areseveral items of which you may need to take note.

$ Self disclosure that creates shock and awe: This occurs when an individual

decides to share information with a group that is best shared with one or twospecialized people. Sometimes people share this information as a way to drawattention to themselves. There are those who would rather go from group togroup sharing their shocking story than actually begin to work towards asolution. However this doesn’t mean that you should suspect the motives ofeveryone who decides to share shocking info. Some people may simplydecide that now is the time to share something. When this occurs do not tryto ignore it. Acknowledge it for what it is, a large issue. Thank the person fortaking the risk to share it. This communicates that the sharing was desired (itwas just the shocking info that may have been out of place). From this placeyou can take two actions. The first option is to stop and say why don’t we pray


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for that right now. The second option would be to suggest that, “we keepsharing and then dismiss and ________ can stay back for a little and (choosesome appropriate prayer people) will stay back and pray about it. Once thegroup dismisses and the individual has been prayed with, you may need todetermine what action needs to be taken next.

$ Try to give as much direction as possible when asking individuals to share.

Instead of saying, “Does anyone have anything to share?” Ask, “Did anyonesee God show up in a conversation this week?” The main goal is to guide thediscussion.

$ Sometimes as the leader you may be the only individual who knows what

everyone is specifically dealing with (this happens because you are almost

always the most consistent person from week to week and others will tell youabout what’s going on). You may at times ask someone in the group how a

matter of public knowledge is going. i.e. “You guys just went on vacation right?How did that go?”

Prayer:

Prayer can be a great way to grow together as a group but it can also be andintimidating time for those who are not in the habit of praying out loud. As the Leaderit’s important to state from time to time that prayer is just talking to God and Life Groupis a safe environment to do just that if one feels comfortable.

The following are some options of di#erent types of group praying that may helpfacilitate and/or enhance your time:

$ Specific assigned prayer: After a time of sharing or directly after a request

has been shared assign someone in the group to pray for that need when theprayer time begins. Continue to share needs and assign requests until all whoyou know are comfortable praying out loud have a request. Sometimes this isa great way to give someone who may not know what to pray about a chanceto practice praying out loud because a topic has been assigned.

$ Starting a statement: As the leader you might inform the group that you are

going to start a statement and have them finish it. (ie. “God I’m thankful thatyou are ___________”) This allows you the opportunity to direct the time andhelp facilitate any awkwardness someone might fear of public prayer.


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$ Smaller groups: From time to time you might want to have your Life Group

divide up into smaller groups of two or three and pray for one another orassign topics.

$ ACTS: This is a popular acronym for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and

Supplication. It’s an order of prayer that some have suggested for those whodon’t know how to fill a certain amount of time. This method would requiresome brief explanation at the start and some sensitivity to the Holy Spirit’sleading during the prayer time as to when it is best to move on to the nextsection.

$ Silent reflection/Scriptural Response: Perhaps best done when you have

more than a few minutes for prayer. This format requires individuals to sitquietly for a minute to a minute and thirty seconds before a leader or preparedindividual reads a portion of scripture. This time is then followed by another

minute of silence, followed by a “starting individual” opening a time ofresponse to God about his word. The individual who started would close aftera few minutes and the process would repeat. This works well with Psalms andProverbs. The group would work it’s way through a passage and eventuallyclose.

$ Newspaper Prayer: Bring a local paper. Pass it around and ask individuals to

identify a story or two for which to pray. Have them share with the group whyand what stood out about the story.

$ Music: If someone has the ability to play an instrument, prayer nights might bea great night to incorporate it.

None of the above items are mandatory or meant to be part of a complete list. They aresimply suggestions to get you thinking or to provide you with a starting point.Ultimately the goal of prayer time is to connect to God as a body.

Homework:

It sounds a bit scholastic but some of the best time of sharing has occurred as aresult of “homework” being assigned by the leader. Homework could be an item oritems you bring physically to your Life Group with which you ask your Life Group to doa specific task in the week ahead. Sometimes homework could be a simple task to doeach day when they wake up. For example one could say, “This week we are going toeach take seven dollars and each day use one dollar to bless someone in ourneighborhood.” At the next Life Group have individuals share about what he or she did.


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Homework could simply be a very specific application point from the Bible time suchas a thought to think at the start of each day or a response to a situation. Be creative,change it up, and don’t always assign something. As the leader be open to other’sideas about what could be done. If someone in your Life Group demonstrates the

ability to creatively come up with an action step for a week, consider giving them therole of preparing homework once a month.


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The Connection

At Grace Church exist to connect the heart of the gospel w/ the hearts of people. As

a Life Group leader it’s part of your responsibility to direct focus to the grace found inJesus Christ. Growth comes from Him, change comes from Him, and life comes fromHim. This means that through sharing, bible study, breakfast, and serving thecommunity, we as leaders are constantly shepherding people towards Jesus & HisGrace.

In Life Group you will notice signs that indicate where people are with Jesus andareas in which they may need to grow. It will be tough to genuinely care for individualsand gently guide them to Jesus as you learn about their flaws or rough edges. You arenot the answer for their issues or their flaws. You are also not the one who will reveal tothem their true purpose. This is only a role that can be filled by the gospel. Be careful

not to attempt to fill a role only Jesus can fill. There is one mediator between God andman, Jesus - not the Life Group leader or even the Life Group. To try to be a person’sanswer will only result in frustration on your part and on theirs. Be clear that you are

just another part of the body with them. You can not be the solution, but you are morethan willing to go to the One who is (Jesus) with them.

We’ve decided to define a few practices that should be part of a disciples liferegardless of maturity or where in the process of following Christ they identifythemselves. We don’t think these are the only practices or that they are necessarily theanswer to all issues. They are simply the practices we have chosen in order to have acommon language.

We’ve consciously made an e#ort to refer to the discipleship process in terms ofpractices that are consistent of discipleship life rather than a line of progressiveaccomplishments. In this way we are deliberately stating that discipleship is a processthat is never over. It is a continual journey. By creating a common practice language weare attempting to give those individuals in relationship a starting point when talkingabout their individual journeys. For example: One practice that is part of one’s walkwith Christ is the aspect of “leaving”. Every disciple of Christ is being called to Christ indeeper relationship. This means that the disciple is forever leaving something in theirlife to follow Him. This allows those who are young in their faith to have a commondiscussion point in talking to those who have been followers of Christ for many years.Both are able to talk about what they are leaving behind in their lives as they followJesus. Each practice has been taken from the life of Christ and are habits that Jesusseemed to revisit with disciples throughout His life and ministry.

It is important to know that these practices are not what makes an individualrighteous or sanctified - Jesus does.


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The Practices are:

$ Leaving (behind one’s life to follow Jesus) - Jesus always calls his disciples

to leave their old lives behind and exchange it for the life of following Him

more. Sometimes this means leaving a profession, or a habit, an area of sin, ora town. Other times the call is less public but it is always towards Himself andaway from oneself. Some obstacles to this practice sound like, “I’m just scaredto make a move.” ; “I just don’t know if it’s worth the pain.”; “How do youknow that you can trust God?” ; “I really need prayer for some upcomingdirection I’m struggling with in my life.” ; “What is He trying to teach me?”

$ Loving (Jesus and those He loves) - this practice is an outflow from those

who follow Jesus, yet it is many times one of the hardest practices because itcan involve uncomfortable, culturally backward actions. Those loving arelearning that Jesus loves them and because of that they should love His bodyand those around them. This is where the Pharisees may have missed some ofthe more practical implications of God’s commandments. They knew the wordand they had a community of fellow God followers, yet they failed to love oneanother or those unlike them. Because of this Jesus called them empty. Someobstacles to this practice sound like “I don’t know if I’m getting what I needout of church.” ; “I just don’t like some of the people at Life Group.” ; “I wantthe church to _______ for me so that I can _______.” While everyone who mayuse these statements may not be expressing and opposition to this practice, itis often true that some who uses these statements a majority of the time needsto learn to love others as God has loved them.

$ Learning (to know Christ more) - this is the constant practice of growing in

the knowledge of God through the study of his word and the experience ofbeing led by the Holy Spirit as one lives life in following Him. It is a constantprocess that never ends. The believer should always be in a posture oflearning from his Master Teacher. Learning is not THE marker of maturity. It isoften mistaken as the # 1 factor of those who are “dedicated” or “megaspiritual giants”, this is not the practice by which Jesus teaches that Hisdisciples will be recognized. Instead He said those who follow Him love andobey Him. It is true that in order to love and obey Him, one must know Him.

$ Leading (others to Jesus) - we often applaud those who love others and getwhat it means to love God, but we also must call them to lead others to Jesus.Jesus’ last statement was to go and make disciples of Him. Leadership isinfluence. As a church body we can either try to be the only influence in ourpeople’s lives, or we can encourage everyone to be an influence in someone’slife. Those wrestling with this practice are often preceded by a feeling of beingat a wall spiritually. They might say things like, “I just feel like I’ve run out of


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things to do.” ; “I don’t know what God wants me to do next?” Sometimesthey might even out right ask, “What can I do to lead others to Jesus?”

Each one of these practices is motivated by the Gospel. In other words: It’s the good

news about Jesus Christ and His life that calls us further into our walk with Him. Itshould be the Gospel that calls us to leave our lives, live in community, love others, andlead others to Him. For this reason, the role of the gospel is not simply for the processof leading someone to initial faith in Christ (although that is part of it), rather it is thesharing in the substitutionary death, burial, and resurrection of Christ that leadssomeone to Jesus further in life. (For an example of this look at any action Paul asks ofany Church in the NT. It is always proceeded or followed by the death, burial, and/orresurrection of Jesus as the motivating factor).

As a Life Group leader you will have people focusing on di#erent practices in theirprocess of following Jesus. It’s not your job to make them move, only the Holy Spirit

can do that. It is your job to encourage them, ask them how you can walk with them,equip them, and pray for them on their journey. Paul reminds the Corinthian church thathe planted and another waters, but God causes growth. Remember take them toJesus. Share about Jesus. Make it about Jesus. It’s all about Him.


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The Opportunities

As a Life Group leader you will find yourself at an intersection. You will be in a homein which many di#erent people with di#erent experiences and di#erent life events

converge for a time of fellowship for a few hours once a week. This can result in amyriad of stories, events, births, deaths, struggles, successes, etc. It can and will beoverwhelming at times. For this reason there are a few areas we at Grace Church wantto recognize when God could be at work. As with our discipleship, we don’t think theseare the only areas God works, they simply are some of the more common ones.Leaders see these areas as opportunities in which God might want to work. It’simportant also that we balance our methods of growth so that the people we servelearn that following Jesus does not involve only one of these areas.

$ Practical Bible Teaching: For many churches this is the only area they

hammer. It’s something we believe in strongly at Grace Church, but inconjunction with these other areas. Listen for individuals in your Life Group totalk about a special time they had this week learning from God’s word (viaradio, reading, preaching, internet, etc). Also listen for someone to omit thisfrom their week. For example, a person might say that they just can’t seem toget enough out of the Bible in their times alone with it. They might say thatthey want to read the Bible, but often don’t understand what they read.Suggest they incorporate some teaching into their week.

$ Private Disciplines with Jesus: These will be absent from most peoples lives

and often the last thing Americans look to for growth. Our culture wants the

quick fix and the idea of repeating something every day can sound “boring”.Encourage the practice of fasting, prayer, and personal reading in your LifeGroup’s lives. Perhaps bring them into the experience by suggesting the LifeGroup fast on a day that week together. Get them tools and resources in theirhands to help incorporate these habits. Talk about how repetition does notalways mean boring. People repeat often that which is most meaningful tothem. Many if not all of the requirements for surviving life are repeated on adaily basis. A great book that covers many of the disciplines is entitled,“Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life” by D.S. Whitney.

$ Relationships that are significant: God wants to work in your relationships.

As a body we are called to grow together toward Jesus. Think of a field offlowers all growing up toward the sky together, receiving the same rain, thefood, and sunlight. Most of the growing needed in church relationships is howto respond correctly to those not like you or in conflict with you. Listen toindividuals talk about other christians that God is bringing into their lives andmaybe simply suggest that, “Perhaps God is trying to grow them,” throughthis individual.


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$ Life Changing Event: This will be one of the most obvious opportunities for

the Life Group to be the body, but it could also be missed if written o# as just astory from the week. LISTEN to one another in the Life Group. As the leader itis important to see stories from the week as what God intends all life to be, asanctification (the Spirit leading and changing us to look like Jesus) process.

Act in these times. Pray, comfort, go visit, assist, support, contend for oneanother.

$ Personal Ministry: This area of growth is great for individuals to get a taste of

that which God calls us. It’s this area that can launch an individual into a life ofrisking for Jesus. Recognize when God is calling someone to risk in their life.Help them make that first step of reaching outside their box. Many timessomeone might simply need the encouragement to take that step. From timeto time the Life Group could do something together to help incorporate thisrisk.


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The Communication Skills

In Life Group you will be involved in plenty of conversations on any given meeting.Some of these conversations will be private. Some will be public. Some will be boring.

Some will involve crisis. Some will be interesting. Some will be emotional. All of themwill be important to the individual talking regardless of wether you think it important ornot. For this reason as a leader it is important that you consciously recognizeconversations for what they are. It is OK if it is a boring conversation, simply recognizethat it is boring but that the speaking party deems it important for some reason (wedon’t know why). Thinking consciously about conversations is important to helpingpeople grow. If the leader “checks out” of conversation, he could miss an opportunityto point to Jesus or encourage someone. To aid you in your conversations here are afew skills communicators recommend.

Active Listening: This is a technique that has been incorporated in conversations by

communication professionals for many years. Active listening is what it sounds like,listening actively. Many individuals in conversation will only partially listen to aconversation because they themselves are in the process of formulating their nextstatement in their head. For this reason there is a tendency to miss details or ask thespeaker something that has already been said. Active listening is the process ofrepeating back to the speaker in your own words what they have said, attaching afeeling or emotion to that statement, and then verbally checking back that you havecorrectly summed up their statement.

Active Listening = Repetition of Facts + Emotion Communicated + Check Back

For example: “ (facts) So you’re saying you never got the email about the job openingin your company (emotion) and that made you feel that you were not valued, (checkback) is that right?”

It might sound silly and elementary but it works quite well. Obviously the practice ofactive listening is not something that you should use in every conversation lest youbecome predictable and robotic. It’s not the way individuals normally communicate andwill sound weird if done all the time.

Two areas in which this practice is specifically useful are conflict, and long

conversations that have no end in sight.

In conflict it helps avoid misunderstandings and aids in getting to the root issue. Inprolonged conversation it is natural to simply nod or resort to an “Uh -huh” when onegrows tired of interacting. Verbally and Nonverbally the listener is hoping that thesequeues of compliance will indicate understanding and that there is no need tocontinue. Unfortunately these queues only encourage the listener to continue. If oneemploys active listening the individual speaking on and on will feel that they do not


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need to continue anymore because he or she will know that what they have desired tocommunicate has been communicated. Active listening also reverses theconversational roles. The prolonged speaker is now forced to take on the role oflistening and must stop talking to receive the repetition of his or her point. You (thebored listener) are now in the role of speaking and may continue in that role after you

have communicated what you’ve heard. You now may change the subject once you’vechecked back.

Confidence Building: This technique was first introduced by Bill Wilkerson in his book,

The Seven Laws of the Learner . It recognizes the potential individuals have on oneanother to encourage positive behavior habits and life direction. Many times leadersmiss out on opportunities to reinforce confidence in growing individuals. Wilkersonsuggests leaders practice a technique that enables the leader to use events andbehaviors that would normally be rewarded with a simple “Thank You” as a launch padfor vision casting in an individuals life.

This confidence building technique involves observation, recognition, emotion, and encouragement.

For example one might observe a Life Group member doing dishes. A typical responsewould be, “Thank you, Bob, for washing the dishes.” However under the confidencebuilding model a response would look like the following: “Bob, I saw you washing

dishes after Life Group.(observation) Thanks for being such a servant. (recognition) Itmakes me so glad you’re in our Life Group. (emotion) I could see you one day leadingothers in what it means to practically serve Christ. (encouragement)”

Instead of a simple thank you. Bob now knows that he made you feel a certain wayand that you believe he can make a di#erence and has a future.

This technique can be used with any behavior you’d like to see repeated in your LifeGroup. Be creative. Often if you write a simple note you can maximize your impact ofthis statement.

Waiting: Welcome to the hardest thing to do as a Life Group leader. Life Group is a

counter-cultural system in America. We do not choose to do Life Groups because theyare counter cultural, this would be reactionary. In truth we would love to see a culture inwhich they are common, but the fact remains that in America today not many situations

place people in a circle at someone’s home. The closest thing we probably have arebaby showers, Mary Kay parties, and graduation parties. In America the two arenas inwhich most individuals find themselves are large group presentations (conveyingspecific predetermined information) or conversations with one or two individuals(communicating events and facts based on the level of trust one has for thoseindividuals).


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Life Group places individuals face to face (often in a circle) with the expectation thatthose individuals share life together. For many this experience alone can make themfeel like they are lost at sea aboard a life raft of total strangers and their life on the line.

Many people will be intimidated to speak. Others will be busy thinking of what to say.

Some may be day dreaming and some might be counting down the time till they canexhale. Don’t expect a new visitor to share everything in their life immediately.Sometimes an individual might attend two or three times before sharing.

Waiting is what Jesus does in His grace for us. God is holding back His wrath ando#ering grace and mercy to those who do not know Him. He also deals kindly andpatiently with those who call Him Father when they make mistakes and repeatedly fallin the same areas. As his followers we should be willing to be patient with others. Attimes you will ask a question and no one will respond - wait. Wait longer than youthink you should and then wait a bit longer. Often times this will help another find thecourage to share.

Get well aquatinted with “awkward” silence. Just think how much people would payfor that kind of silence for just a few moments in any given day of their lives? Too badwe can’t market it. Provided that you were clear and specific in your question orinvitation to share, most people will eventually share.

Give room for the Holy Spirit to work. As your Life Group grows in depth with oneanother these awkward pauses will grow fewer and shorter. You might however,experience this silence once more as the Life Group grows. As more people are addedto the group some individuals who felt sharing with 7-10 people may not feel ascomfortable sharing with 10-15 people.


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The First Aid Kit

As a Life Group leader you (and for some of you - your spouse) will be on the frontlines of life with Jesus. This is great because the opportunity for seeing tangible results

in people’s lives is readily available. It can be very fulfilling because you are not dealingin theory, but real life. Such proximity is also a possible problem as you willundoubtably see sin and it’s destruction first hand. People will be broken, unload grief,directly disobey God, and question His goodness. This type of warfare can leave thosein close proximity to it in danger of becoming burnouts, susceptible to temptation dueto stress, and angry at specific people they serve. Because of this it is our desire thatyou (and your spouse if applicable) take care to find and incorporate space in your lifeto combat sin, the evil one, individual’s neediness, and your disappointments.

The first principle to come to grasp with is that in our service to people, we can not

make anyone do anything. Only God can change the heart. We can pray, but Godchanges things. It is vital to know where our roles cease and God’s role completelytakes over. This realization alone will save you a lot of stress and heart ache. Stresscomes from trying to change something that is outside of your control. Instead of tryingto change the individual, focus on what you can control.

False Control Statement: I want everyone who comes to Life Group to stop sinningand come to know Jesus as Savior and Lord. (Stress is imminent)

Proper Control Statement: I want to share passages of scripture that show Jesusbreaking the power of sin with my Life Group. (measurable goal within your area of

control)

The second principle that MUST be grasped is that Jesus is the never ending source

of life, not you (or your spouse). If when confronted with sin and brokenness youattempt to put on your “leader hat” and “minister” to the person from your life directlyyou will soon be left dry and empty. Connect them to the head, Jesus, so that He maysustain them. You know where the source of life is, take them there.

The following is courtesy of E#rem Smith:

At Grace Church we desire our Life Group leaders to never get too:H URT

A NGRY

L ONLY

T IRED


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Any time one or more of these areas presents itself it is an indication to HALT what youare doing and find some way to relieve the stress.

Spiritual Disciplines that have been practiced by many followers of Christ can be asource of refuge. They however, do not do the freeing work in your life, only God canchange you and provide rest. Disciplines merely place you at the disposal of the HolySpirit and His word. The following is a list of disciplines provided by Fostor in hisbook, “A Celebration of Discipline” for more information on the disciplines and makingthem a part of your life you may want to read the book.

Internal Disciplines

• Meditation on Scripture

• Prayer

• Fasting

• Study

The Outward Disciplines

• Simplicity

• Solitude

• Submission

• Service

The Corporate Disciplines

• Confession

• Worship

• Guidance

• Celebration

Ask yourself 7 whys:

Ask why you feel angry, then follow your answer for at least seven whys. Often this

can identify underlying pressures that sometimes mask themselves as surface issues.The danger of our lives is only dealing in the surface, and never digging deep enoughto find the source of multiple frustrations. Ask God to reveal yourself to you.


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Rest:

It is possible that this is perhaps the best way to fight burn out. Proper rest isnecessary for life. Be sure that you (or you and your spouse) take time away from theLife Group once a quarter to spend time together and simply rest. It is totally

acceptable to let individuals know this is why you will be gone. Grace Churchencourages rest in it’s leadership practices.

Exercise:

One can not say enough for the e#ects of physical exercise for the relief of stress. It isimportant to maintain some sort of physical activity to counter act the amount ofenergy ministering to people requires.

Artistic Expression:

Another scientifically proven way to fight stress is the arts. While doing art is notnecessarily therapy it can be by nature therapeutic. Go outside with a notebook. Start apoem that enforces who God has made you to be, after all much of the Bible is writtenin poetic form. (Remember David?) Buy some paints. You get the point.


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The Kids

The five million dollar subject.

Our answer? It depends.

Because every Life Group is di#erent with a di#erent number of children in di#erentage groups, it would be impossible to assume that one answer would work for everyLife Group’s situation. For this reason we have a number of di#erent suggestions whenit comes to children and Life Groups. The following are some that we’ve compiled. &

Balance: Parents need to feel comfortable about sharing their lives with one another.Sometimes this can be di%cult with children present. We know you don’t have it alltogether, and aren’t the perfect parent (we won’t tell your kids). We want&parents&to beable to openly ask for prayer and share life’s challenges. For this reason it is necessary

to provide some time away from the children (kids need their space too). We’ve comeup with a few options for this "kids time" (let’s admit it, it should be called parents resttime) below. At the same time, children need to see their parent’s faith lived out. Theyneed to be taught by Mom and/or Dad that God is real and we can trust Him.& For thisreason we recommend that you not use the below options for your whole Life Grouptime. There must be a balance of freedom and responsibility.&

Options: The following are options to aid your Life Group in the growth of children.&

$ Hire Help - this is probably the most common thought of answer when itcomes to children and sometimes it is the best. Be sure that whoever you hire

is trusted and able to care for your children’s age appropriate needs.Sometimes it is good to ask them if they have medical or first aid experience.Grace Church can background check anyone asked to provide childcare for aLife Group if necessary.

$ Rotate Members - second to external childcare is the concept of members ofthe Life Group taking turns watching children during the study time. Membersmight even choose to cover a Bible lesson with the children. For this reasonGrace Church will provide a di#erent weekly lesson that corresponds directlyto what the child is learning at the large gathering each week. It is asked thatno one individual be left alone with children for the sake of legal liability.&

$ Involve Kids - Ok, so not for everything, but creating a short story time for kidsbefore the parent’s study might be an option when combined with childcare.

$ Mix It up - Some Life Groups might choose to&creatively&schedule each weekof the month. For example: Week 1 might be hired child care. Week 2 thewomen might meet and the Dad’s would get time at home with kids. Week 3might be a family Life Group. Week 4 the guys might meet and the mom’s


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would get time with children at home. Your Life Group might want to throwthem in a hat and pick one at random for the following week (just kidding).

Realize that nothing can totally alleviate the responsibility parents feel for children whenin another’s house. We encourage both parents and non parents in Life Groups to

consider one another with patience and love. Help one another grow our children intoGodly men and women.

Grace Church sees the church as the primary resource for parents rather thanthe primary teacher of children. The Bible’s position of child development has neverbeen separate from the home. This does NOT mean that we are saying home school isthe God sanctioned way of educating your children. It does mean that theresponsibility and the most leverage for a child’s growth lies within the walls of a home.Too often the children’s ministry at church is seen as the one responsible with the Biblepart; it is not. When individual’s stand before God the parents of children will answer,but we’d like to stand with and along side of them.

As a Life Group leader you will need to familiarize yourself with the philosophy ofour kids ministry so that you will be able to answer questions parents might have.


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The Problem:

Undoubtably you will encounter interpersonal conflict in your Life Group.Conflict is the result of doing life together with fallen people. It is important to recognize

that conflict is in and of itself not bad. Many people come from a family background inwhich conflict is a horrible thing and is meant to be avoided at all costs. The truth isthat we are all broken people redeemed by Jesus who continue to wrestle with sin andwork out our salvation as God works in us. This means that there will be conflict in ourLife Groups, yet God has made it possible to have redemption in our areas of toughpersonal relationships.

Confronting problems is a way of insuring that unity in the body is notthreatened. Unity is visited multiple times in the New Testament as a vital part to bodyhealth. Paul instructs the Corinthians that he can not go on to mature things of Christwith them because they are jealous of one another (not unified). Christ prays for his

body to be one even as He and the Father are one. Aninias and Saphira are struckdown in the book of Acts for lying to the Holy Spirit and threatening the early church’sunity. Paul also tells the Corinthians that those who destroy Christ’s body are in dangerof being destroyed themselves. Satan loves to use conflict to break apart the church.

As Life Group leader your responsibility is not to be the solution to conflict, butto ensure that the conflict is dealt with in a biblical fashion. The Bible outlines thatpeople who have conflict with other followers of Christ are required to go to thatperson first. If this step has not been taken by the informing party it is imperative thatyou ask them to do so. At Grace Church we require that all individuals reportingconflict to leadership be met with one question first, “Have you spoken to them about

this?” This is not because we want to avoid any responsibility, but because we believethat ganging up on someone who has no idea of their o#ense is not Biblical. (The only

exception is sexual misconduct with minors and other planned unlawful acts that

cause harm to others and the o!ender ). Love cares enough to confront the individualin person about his or her o#ense. This response may be met with expressions thatthis expectation is too hard, too high, uncomfortable, or just not practical. Regardlessof our ideas, it is biblical. Instruct the individual that if he or she goes and confrontsthe o#ending party in person and then that person responds in a negative orunscriptural manor that you will have a reason to go with them to speak. “Ellie came tome and said that when she spoke with you about your relationship with her you yelledat her and stormed o#... is this true?” This gives you grounds to not be the Life Groupleader, but the fellow believer going with a fellow believer.

Regardless of the type of conflict, it is important to express your care for theindividuals’ overall well being. It is the restoration of relationships that drives believer’sconflict resolution. Matthew 18 outlines the steps for confronting a brother or sisterabout a problem.


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It is important that you di#erentiate between interpersonal conflicts and habitualsin. Habitual sin’s primary target is the destruction of the individual.Interpersonal conflict’s target is the destruction of the health of the Life Group. It is truethat it is possible that an instance be both / and. More often than not, habitual sin leftunaddressed will lead to the destruction of Life Group health.

When approaching habitual sin Grace Church has outlined a process in its

constitution please reference that document for additional instructions. Some

guidelines are the following:

At first confront public sin privately, but then address it publicly

At first confront private sin privately.

When it comes to Life Group you will have problems. Many view conflict as afailure of community. The truth is community does not reduce the frequency ofproblems, but actually increases it. As we rub shoulders with one another we will soonbe confronted by things which we do not like about others or ourselves. Communityproduces an arena for the Holy Spirit to sanctify His body. Problems will arise. It isimportant that leaders strike a balance between the two standard responses to conflict:

Avoidance - not deal with it; and Attack- deal with it in a way that is over the top.

In the event that you do not know what to do, you as the Life Group leader havethe support of elders within Grace Church and other Life Group leaders to walk alongside you. Overall you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you and the Bible as God’s

living word. It is our desire that God’s body be healthy and a place conducive togrowth. Remember healthy does not always mean conflict free. In fact, a lack ofconflict can be an indication that someone is wearing a mask.


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The Command to Go

Life Groups di#er from small groups for a number of reasons. They are di#erentbecause they are multi generational and not organized around age or a%nity.

Additionally, Life Groups di#er because they are mission oriented.

In Grace Church we intentionally choose to approach Life Groups as missionsrather than Bible study. What this means is that we see our Life Groups as beachheadsin our neighborhoods. Hosts are individuals who not only want to help the body byopening their homes, but also desire to reach their neighbors for Jesus.

In order to encourage this Grace Church asks that each Life Group be involvedin their neighborhood in a tangible way once a quarter. This does not mean that this isthe only time that Life Groups are to engage their community, but it is the minimum.

The Win:

In Life Group we want to reach out to our city with the goal of our community beingexposed to the reality of life with Christ. A phrase we use is “Find Hope, Find Home,Find Him”

Choosing what to do:

In choosing what to do it is good to remember that we desire God to be our ultimate

motive and not our ulterior motive. Avoid anything that is a bait and switch outreach.

An example would be inviting friends and neighbors to a cookout and then without anyprior warning begin handing out tracts once they are there. In this example peoplehave come over trusting that you invited them to a cook out. Instead you have invitedthem to a sales pitch.

We desire to invest in our community’s life and invite them into a relationship with God.Inviting before investing often can be a mistake. If it is your first community eventchoose something that will bless people in your neighborhood or locale.

When choosing make sure it is a tangible choice. Prayer for your neighborhood is goodand is always encouraged, but we want to connect with our area in a face to face way.Make sure your idea has a start and and end time and will be a step toward a furtherend.

The goal is for our interaction to be transformational over time and not merely atransaction.


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Avoid ideas that are cultural invasions of privacy. Going into someone’s house whenyou first meet someone is not always welcomed.

Avoid ideas that don’t make sense. Imagine someone knocked on your door andhanded you what you were passing out, or asked if they could help you in the way that

you are asking to help others. Make sure you would know what exactly it is you areasking.

If you are doing something in a neighborhood be sure to instruct the members of yourLife Group to be careful on what they say and do around individual’s homes andproperty. Watch out for landscaping. Use the sidewalks. Avoid compliments thatpeople could interpret as suspicious, “Wow that’s a nice TV.”; “How many dogs do youhave?”;“Do you live here by yourself?” ; “I see you have an alarm system.”; etc.

Funding:

Grace Church has budgeted money for outreach. This money may be available uponrequest. It is important to know that it is desirable that your Life Group put forwardfunding additional to any money made available by the corporate body. This createsownership.

Funding requests should be made prior to the event unless circumstances requireimmediate action.

A form is available for download on our website.

Consistency:

If you have a short amount of time, a narrow window of service, or a short amount ofsupplies; focus on people with whom you already have made a first contact.Consistency over time is a great way to build trust.

What if They Ask Why we are Doing this or Who we are?

You should not be afraid to tell people who you are. Simply say you are part of achurch in town. If they ask which church, tell them. If you act like you are hidingsomething, people will think you are hiding something. Most individuals will respondoddly to o#ers of service. It is not always done in our culture, however if you are with achurch that often gives them a starting point for context.

When they ask why (and they will ask), tell them why. Don’t hand out a tract or preachat them, just talk to them and tell them why you are doing what you are doing. That’s it.


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The Plant

It is our desire that the gospel brings us together as people, but it is also our desire thatthe gospel send us out. We see our Life Group as a way to grow and spread the love

of Christ throughout our community. For this reason we want our Life Group’s toreproduce.

Leader identification:

In Grace Church we ask our Life Groups to plant when leadership is ready not basedon size. For this reason early leadership identification is essential. As a general rulelook for individuals who are leading themselves and their families well. Good selfleadership will carry over into a group. Examine their walk with Christ, their attitude

toward others, their faithfulness, their habits, and the way they spend their money.Pray about this early in your Life Group life. Ask God to provide a leader with your help.

Ask Him to send one to your group. Seek God continually on this.

Once you identify someone who leads themselves well ask yourself if they are

Faithful: This is mostly measured by the little tasks they have in life. Are they sticking

with something? Are they around consistently? Do they demonstrate a solid walk withGod over a long time?

Available: This simply is an estimate of what their obligations are in their life. Don’t

assume that just because they are involved in a lot that they would not re-prioritize forLife Group. Sometimes the best way to determine this is to ask.

Teachable: This is a measure of how well they will receive instruction. Are they

submissive to other men in their life already? Will they respond well to correction? Dothey listen?

Preparing Your Leader

This is a task that is a combined e#ort between Grace Church, God, and You. Shareyour responsibilities with your leader in training. Take them with you when you dothings, spend time with them. A good reproduction model is this:

I do. You watch. We talk: a time when the Leader in Training is intentionally observing

what you do in Life Group. You then get together and discuss what he saw.


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twice a month or until they are meeting on their own. Pray for them. Encouragethem. Ask for a report on what God is doing and celebrate with them. Think ofit as raising a child and getting he or she out of the nest.

And the Leader Goes Where?

While it’s not really written in stone, we’ve found that most of the time it is best if you,the leader, leave to go with the new Life Group plant. We believe this sets up the newhost and the new leader for success. You will be partnered with a new host, and yournew leader will be in a familiar setting with an experienced host.

Celebrate

Finally, your Life Group should celebrate. Get creative. Tell stories of favoritememories together. Allow individuals the opportunity to share what God has done inthe relationships of the Life Group. Perhaps you could have a cook out. You might wantto make the whole day a day of hanging out and fun.

Another option that can be a great catalyst for your new multiplication and newLife Groups is to do a joint service project together. Divided into your new Life Groupsand go out separately to do the same type of ministry, then return in the evening toshare experiences and a meal. This will provide a bonding experience for the new LifeGroups and allow them to spend time talking and working together.


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The End....

Seriously if you’ve read this far you win a prize........ Thanks for your service.God has a plan and purpose for His Church (His people). It’s our prayer that we all as

one voice can glorify Him. '


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Appendix A : Life Group Study Worksheet: This is a tool to help you lead a discussion around the text that you have selected for your study.

What is the context of the passage?

To whom is it written?What is the occasion of its writing?

What does the passage actually say? Can you identify any:! Terms that are confusing or difficult to understand? *! Structure.! Emphasis.! Repetition.! Relationships between ideas. (Cause-and-effect, Ifs and thens, Q& A’s)! Comparisons and contrasts.! Literary form. (poetry, history, etc)

! Atmosphere. i.e. mood or tone or urgency! Pronouns (single/plural, who exactly are “they”?)

What does it tell us about God?What does it say about who He is?About what He does?

What does this text say about us human beings?What are we meant to be?What has gone wrong?

What has God done about what’s wrong?

What does God expect of us in the light of what He has done?

What in this text points explicitly or thematically to Jesus?

How does this text shape or view of the future?

In light of the above answers. How is God speaking to you?Encouraged and strengthened?Confession and Repentance?

Area to Learn and Grow?Obstacle to remove or Step to be taken?Truth to be shared with another?Theme to be prayed or studied further?

*Some help for navigating difficult passages: Consider the passage of scripture doesn’t mean what you

think it means ; Consider your cultural bias; Consider it’s context in light of Christ:


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Appendix B : The Swedish Method

What Shines in this Passage?

What Q’s do you have?

What action should be taken?

What is good news?


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Appendix C: 5 Myths about Life Groups

Myth 1. A successful Life Group will not be relationally messy.

Truth: Small groups are where the grace of God overcomes all types of relational messiness through the blood of Jesus.

Myth 2: Life Groups exist for others to meet my needs.

Truth: Life Groups exist for you to love and serve others with the love of Christ.

Myth 3. Trust and transparency take many years to cultivate in a life group.

Truth: Trust and transparency are fruits of recognizing we are all recipients of God’s abundant grace for the forgiveness of sins.

Myth 4. Life Group members should become best friends.

Truth: Life groups are united by the blood of Christ and members of one body.

Myth 5. Life Groups should focus only on Bible study, not sharing sins or

engaging in outreach.

Truth: Life Groups focus on how the gospel of Jesus Christ transforms us as hisdisciples who grow in holiness and as witnesses of His truth.


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Appendix D: Keeping the Gospel Central

1. Regularly reorient your life group to see that they are members of Christ—ratherthan members of a particular church, denomination, theological tribe, Sunday school

class, demographic (singles, married, people who adopt) or ethnic or racialbackground. Put Galatians 2:20 at the forefront of your group—we have been crucifiedwith Christ and now Christ lives in us.

2. Help your group set biblical expectations for fellowship/community . We may notall hang out all the time, and we may not become best of friends, but we encourageeach other in our faith as we meet regularly to open his Word together and to help eachother testify to Jesus in our spheres of influence. We can humbly and sacrificially serveone another because Christ has sacrificed in order that we might be brothers andsisters in Christ.

3. Help your group see the glorious privilege to love one another and how it

witnesses to unbelievers around us. Our love for each other confirms and validatesthe power of the gospel ( John 13:35 ). The gospel takes wildly di#erent people fromevery walk of life and transforms them to care deeply for each other. When your smallgroup goes out of its way to love and pray for one another, you reveal the transforminggrace of Christ and draw in unbelievers to witness this miracle.

http://biblia.com/bible/esv/John%2013.35http://biblia.com/bible/esv/Galatians%202.20


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Appendix E: One Another’s

life group manual- grace church

Documents