By Julie ZauzmerThe Washington Post

AT SOME point as she watched the parade of coronavirus cancellations on the news — no more sports seasons, no more

school days, no more Broadway shows or book clubs or weddings — it dawned on Doris Geisler that she would have to cancel the Pass-over Seder.

The Jewish holiday, which began Wednesday night, was still weeks away at that point. But Geisler al-ready had the gefilte fish ready and waiting in the freezer, enough to feed the 30 or more guests who cram into her home every year.

She and her husband, Allan, are both retired teachers, and their days are normally filled with mah jong games and lunches with friends and lots of time at their Maryland syna-gogue. As the novel coronavirus descended, they found themselves with empty calendars. At ages 65 and 78, they feared leaving the house even for groceries.

The couple sat alone at their home in Columbia, Maryland, and they wondered: Would the pandemic take away Passover, too? Or could they still find meaning in the holiday, in a world that had narrowed drastical-ly?

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Passover is the most-observed Jewish holiday of the year. When Pew conducted a landmark study of Jewish Americans in 2013, it found that just 23% of Jews usually light Sabbath candles, and about half fast on Yom Kippur — but a whopping 70% had attended a Seder the pre-vious year.

The holiday is traditionally ob-served in the home, not in a syna-gogue. Families invite relatives and friends to eat symbolic foods, sing songs and say blessings, and recount the biblical story of the Jews leaving slavery in Egypt.

This year, the dawning awareness that almost no one would be hosting guests has caused an outpouring of grief and creativity around the world.

Jews of all ages and backgrounds mourned the prospect of being alone at the Seder table, or missing the

once-a-year chance to see faraway relatives. Rabbis and writers rushed to come up with high-tech ideas for a virtual Seder.

But for the Geislers, like so many others, Passover isn’t something you celebrate on a screen. Passover means pushing aside all the furniture in the house so dozens of people fit around three tables pushed together in a U shape. Passover means that she cooks for a week and he cleans up all night when it’s over. Passover means seeing their four children and

nine grandchildren, and Allan Geis-ler’s beloved brother-in-law and his kids and grandkids, and anyone else they can gather from near and far.

Passover means lots of wine, and lots of tequila, too — it’s not re-quired, but it’s kosher for Passover, and it ties them to their Mexican roots much more than a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

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The Geislers have a lot in com-mon: Both were born in Mexico, part

of the country’s small but vibrant Jewish community, though he moved to the United States at age 12 and she stayed in Mexico City. Each had one son and one daughter, and each was widowed at a young age.

Twenty years ago, he traveled to Mexico for a cousin’s 50th birthday party. She was there. Both said they weren’t looking for a new relation-ship after their spouses’ deaths. But there were sparks. “Bashert,” Doris says, using the Yiddish word for predestined. “A match made in heav-en.”

They found themselves in a bina-tional romance — and then newly married she was moving into his home in Maryland and realizing that she wouldn’t be able to attend the Mexican Seders she had enjoyed every year of her life, hosted first by her grandmother and then by her mother.

One of the Geisler Passover baskets, prepared for curbside pickup.

MICHAEL ROBINSON CHAVEZ | Washington Post photos

Doris Geisler, at home in Columbia where she has been social distancing for weeks, prepares for Passover.

Good to Grow, 2 Mind Your Manners, 3

Life&StyleSunday

Gazette-MailApril 12, 2020 C

AS HUMANS, we’re wired to be connected.

That can be challeng-ing these days. I’m hearing more stories about folks wanting to stay connected — while apart — during this pandemic.

Reaching out to just one person a day could work wonders for both of you. That might be a phone call, email, text or social media message.

What a perfect time to re-connect, right? A word of caution, though, if you hav-en’t been in touch for a while — while your intention may be positive, there could be some slippery slopes.

We’d like to think we’re all in this together and our current circumstances would override any other concerns. I heard one episode, though, in which a caller reaching out was told, “Well, isn’t that just like you to swoop in during a crisis? Where have you been for the past year? Do you even know what’s going on in my life?”

Ouch. Not the response that was expected. The dy-namics of friendships can go through stages, though. Like the old song says, “Seasons change, and so did I. You need not wonder why.”

Cycles and rhythms are all part of nature, as well as our lives. If you’re experiencing challenges along these lines, and your gesture is genuine, there may be underlying is-sues at play.

Reason, season or lifetimeThere are seasons in our

lives that have to do with re-lationships, and you can bet they go through similar evo-lutions as winter and spring.

I had a reunion to attend a while back, and I began thinking about the people I’d see and wondering where their lives had taken them.

Although I have a strong sense and fondness of the past (thanks to my childhood histo-rian and best-friend-since-kin-dergarten, Patty), I’m also aware of the need to stay in the present. Which got me thinking about all the friend-ships we form in our lives.

You may be familiar with the poem, “Reason, Season or Lifetime.” People come into your life for various pur-poses. When you figure out which one it is, you’ll know what to do for each person.

Is there a reason?When someone is in your

life for a reason, it’s usually to meet a need you’ve ex-pressed. They’ve come to as-sist you through a difficulty — to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a god-send, and they are.

Then, without any wrong-doing on your part, this per-son will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What you must realize is your needs have been met. Your work together is done, and now it’s time to move on.

Has the season changed?Some people come into

your life for a season — to share, learn or grow with you. They bring you an ex-perience or make you laugh. They teach you something you’ve never known. They usually give you an incredi-ble amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

The lifetime channelLifetime relationships

teach you lifetime lessons

Staying

apart while

connected

LIVE LIFE FULLY

LINDA ARNOLD

Family strives to celebrate Passover during a plague

Saving the Seder

SEE SEDER, 4ESEE ARNOLD, 4E

Even though she couldn’t safely host her

family in her house, Doris realized, she could

still feed them. “My mother said, ‘You want

them to come? You put food on the table.’

And I always feel like that’s who I am.”______