making advances and you thought treating female partners was challenging! treating male partners of...
TRANSCRIPT
Making Advances
And You Thought Treating Female Partners
Was Challenging!Treating Male Partners of
FSLAs• SASH Conference 2012• San Antonio, Texas, September 20, 2012
• Marnie C. Ferree & Linda Hudson
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
MALE PARTNERS - INVISIBLE ONES
• Unique
shame
• Cultural stereotypes
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
MODELS FOR TREATING PARTNERS
• Strong disagreement about best
approach
• Strong agreement about
commonalities
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
CHARACTERISTICS OF MALE PARTNERS
• Angry
• Also addicted
• Avoidant
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
PAIN
SYSTEMS THEORY
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
SYSTEMS THEORY
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
• Roles
• Rules
• Attachment issues
Sex and love addiction is an intimacy disorder.
CO-ADDICTION MODEL
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
NOT responsible for addict’s behavior.
IS responsible for own personal and relationship issues.
CO-ADDICTS HAVE OWN ISSUES OF…
• Trauma
• Unhealthy Coping
• Impaired Intimacy
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
HISTORY OF ABUSE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Addict Spouse
Sexual 81% 81%
Physical 72% 71%
Emotional 97% 91%
Carnes, P. (1991). Don’t call it love: Recovering from sexual addiction. Minneapolis, MN: Compcare Publishers.
CO-ADDICT’S COPING STRATEGIES
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Search and seizure
Control Complain Threaten Ignore Rage Focus on kids/
workManipulate
Withdraw/shut down
Become more sexual
Engage in own addiction
Tolerate impaired intimacy
Self-righteousness
CO-ADDICTION IS…
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Focusing on someone else’s life
Believing you can control people and events outside yourself
An obsession with the possibility
TRAUMA MODEL
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
• “Partner sensitive” emphasis that focuses on “sexual addition-induced trauma.”
• Partner receives equal clinical attention
Steffens & Means (2009). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse - How Partners Can Cope and Heal
TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY
OR DISCLOSURE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study)
TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY
OR DISCLOSURE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY
OR DISCLOSURE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study)
Causes constant triggering, reactivity, hypervigilance, panic, anxiety, somatic symptoms
Normal, predictable responses of people who have been deeply betrayed
PARTNER’S WORK: ATTENDING TO
MULTIPLE TRAUMAS
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Relational betrayal, deception, emotional abuse, marginalization, manipulation
“Gaslighting” by sex addict“Treatment-induced” trauma
EFFECTIVE TREATMENT
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Dual Track:
Addressing betrayal
Addressing core issues
EFFECTIVE TREATMENT
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Dual Track:
Addressing betrayal
Addressing core issues
DISCLOSURE
• Disclosing Secrets
• Surviving Disclosure
by Deborah Corley & Jennifer
Schneider
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
PARTNER’S SYSTEM
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Belief System
ImpairedThinking
Unmanageability
Distraction Strategies
Crisis
Despair
Partner’sCycle
PreoccupationFantasy
HEALING
• Boundaries
• Unique Issues/Challenges
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Making AdvancesA Comprehensive Guide for
TreatingFemale Sex and Love Addicts
All proceeds benefit the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health www.sash.net/makingadvances
Edited by Marnie C. Ferree
Writers:Susan J. CamplingRobin CatoM. Deborah CorleyMarnie C. FerreeLinda HudsonAlexandra KatehakisKelly McDanielAnna Valenti-AndersonJill VermeireSonnee Weedn