Managing ConflictManaging Conflict

A Process to ResolutionA Process to Resolution

What will we learn?What will we learn?

How to recognize conflictHow to recognize conflict Self awareness and behaviorSelf awareness and behavior Tools of communicationTools of communication Methods of conflict managementMethods of conflict management

Conflict Map ConceptConflict Map Concept

Define ConflictDefine Conflict

Define conflictDefine conflict

Textbook definition: Conflict is the Textbook definition: Conflict is the interaction of interdependent people who interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving interference from each other in achieving those goals. those goals.

Joseph Folger, Marshall Poole, Randall Stutman, “Joseph Folger, Marshall Poole, Randall Stutman, “Working Through Working Through Conflict”Conflict”, 4th Ed. 2001., 4th Ed. 2001.

Principle Causes of Principle Causes of ConflictConflict

Misunderstandings/miscommunicationMisunderstandings/miscommunication Personality differencesPersonality differences Lack of cooperation/or perceived lack of cooperationLack of cooperation/or perceived lack of cooperation Differences over work methodsDifferences over work methods Unclear expectationsUnclear expectations Unclear responsibilities, or failed responsibilitiesUnclear responsibilities, or failed responsibilities Goals and valuesGoals and values CompetitionCompetition Non-compliance issuesNon-compliance issues

Our DefinitionOur Definition

Natural event that all persons experienceNatural event that all persons experience A disagreement between two or more A disagreement between two or more

personspersons Unmet goals, wants, and needsUnmet goals, wants, and needs MiscommunicationMiscommunication A confrontationA confrontation

People’s Perception in People’s Perception in ConflictConflict

Perceive they have incompatible goals Perceive they have incompatible goals and/or interestsand/or interests

Perceive that others are a source of Perceive that others are a source of interference in achieving the goalinterference in achieving the goal

Perceived wrong messages from word Perceived wrong messages from word choiceschoices

May have cultural differences that cause May have cultural differences that cause miscommunicationmiscommunication

Conflict Map ConceptConflict Map Concept

Define ConflictDefine Conflict

PhysiologicalBehavior

When conflict happens, When conflict happens, what is your first reaction?what is your first reaction?

Get defensiveGet defensive Get confusedGet confused Feel anxious, nervous, hurt, or other Feel anxious, nervous, hurt, or other

feelingsfeelings Start blaming or protectingStart blaming or protecting Get vocal, take verbal shotsGet vocal, take verbal shots

Did you know?Did you know?

Physiological facts about conflictPhysiological facts about conflict Genetic shaping drives humans to flying fists and Genetic shaping drives humans to flying fists and

flight – early man had to use this for survivalflight – early man had to use this for survival Organs start the blood flow to kidneysOrgans start the blood flow to kidneys Kidneys start the adrenaline to the musclesKidneys start the adrenaline to the muscles Muscles get the blood to flowMuscles get the blood to flow The brain reasons lessThe brain reasons less

Human behavior in conflict results in Human behavior in conflict results in unreasonable emotionsunreasonable emotions

Caught with surprise this leads to fight or flightCaught with surprise this leads to fight or flight

Take Charge of Your Take Charge of Your BrainBrain

When you stop and ask questions like:When you stop and ask questions like: What do I want?What do I want? What is my goal?What is my goal? What do I feel?What do I feel?

Physiology is affected and the brain starts Physiology is affected and the brain starts thinking againthinking again

Problem solving recognizes the issue is social, Problem solving recognizes the issue is social, not physical safetynot physical safety

Conflict Map ConceptConflict Map Concept

Define ConflictDefine Conflict

PhysiologicalBehavior

CommunicationTools

Self AwarenessSelf Awareness

Key to conflict is to know your own Key to conflict is to know your own behavior firstbehavior first

What are my real goals?What are my real goals? What am I really feeling?What am I really feeling? How does this affect my interest?How does this affect my interest? What does it take to meet my “want”?What does it take to meet my “want”?

Awareness WheelAwareness Wheel

Issue

Mehriabian StudyMehriabian Study

Barriers to Listening:Barriers to Listening: Words are only 7% of the communication Words are only 7% of the communication

you have with othersyou have with others Tone of voice sends 38% of the message Tone of voice sends 38% of the message

in the communications you havein the communications you have Body language sends 55% of the Body language sends 55% of the

communication and is the highest clue on communication and is the highest clue on your message – physiological sensesyour message – physiological senses

Awareness WheelAwareness Wheel

Who did/willdo what? Where?How?

Sensory Data:

Feelings:How do

You feel?

Actions: future, past,

current

Wants for:Self, Us,Others

Thoughts:What do you think?

Who/Whatdid you see?Hear? Where?When

Issues

Opportunities Unlimited @1999

Color Your WorldColor Your World

Key to conflict managementKey to conflict management What behaviors do I reflect?What behaviors do I reflect? What messages am I sending?What messages am I sending? Do I really hear what my opponent says?Do I really hear what my opponent says? Motivational behavior takes overMotivational behavior takes over What are my “color codes” during conflictWhat are my “color codes” during conflict What are my normal color codes?What are my normal color codes?

Identify Your StyleIdentify Your Style

Avoidance style – deny there is a conflictAvoidance style – deny there is a conflict Compete style – I win you loseCompete style – I win you lose Compromise style – give something up to win Compromise style – give something up to win

something they want – I lose you losesomething they want – I lose you lose Accommodate – give up your concern for Accommodate – give up your concern for

someone else; I lose you winsomeone else; I lose you win Collaborative – mutual problem solving - the Collaborative – mutual problem solving - the

win-win win-win

The Collaborative StyleThe Collaborative Style

Choose the right time and place to Choose the right time and place to discuss the conflictdiscuss the conflict

Fully and objectively express ideasFully and objectively express ideas Urge the other person to do the sameUrge the other person to do the same Identify areas where you both agreeIdentify areas where you both agree Create a plan of action to follow up onCreate a plan of action to follow up on

Communication ToolsCommunication Tools

Key skills to resolving conflictKey skills to resolving conflict Stepping stones to listeningStepping stones to listening

Invite the speakerInvite the speaker Confirm what you heardConfirm what you heard Break the message into small thoughtsBreak the message into small thoughts Watch non-verbal behaviorWatch non-verbal behavior

Stepping Stones – ask!Stepping Stones – ask!

Words we use that may Words we use that may send wrong messagessend wrong messages

The importance of describing the issue.The importance of describing the issue. What are feeling words?What are feeling words? What are thinking words?What are thinking words? How do we describe a goal?How do we describe a goal? How do we describe an interest or want?How do we describe an interest or want?

Sender – Receiver ModelSender – Receiver Model

From the TIC From the TIC

““Communicating Effectively”Communicating Effectively”

Sender -- Message Receiver

Feedback

--

Conflict Map ConceptConflict Map Concept

Define ConflictDefine Conflict

Share YourStories

PhysiologicalBehavior

CommunicationTools

Think before you speakThink before you speak(organize your thoughts)(organize your thoughts)

To whom will you be speaking?To whom will you be speaking? What is your message?What is your message? How do you want to send the message?How do you want to send the message? When is the best time to send it?When is the best time to send it? Why is it important to send?Why is it important to send?

Effective communication Effective communication tacticstactics

Use neutral commentsUse neutral comments Practice leading statements: If, ThenPractice leading statements: If, Then Mirror the words by active listeningMirror the words by active listening Pause to hearPause to hear Ask open ended questions: Who, What, Ask open ended questions: Who, What,

When, How, WhyWhen, How, Why Confirm interpretationConfirm interpretation

Conflict Map ConceptConflict Map Concept

Define ConflictDefine Conflict

Share YourStories

PhysiologicalBehavior

CollaborateOn a

Win-Win

Communication Tools

Incentive to ResolveIncentive to Resolve There is an incentive to cooperate when There is an incentive to cooperate when

parties perceive that gains by one will parties perceive that gains by one will promote gains by the other or losses for promote gains by the other or losses for one part will result in corresponding one part will result in corresponding losses for the otherlosses for the other

There is an incentive to compete when There is an incentive to compete when parties believe that one’s gain will parties believe that one’s gain will promote another’s lossespromote another’s losses

Interdependence of Interdependence of PartiesParties

The greater the interdependence among The greater the interdependence among parties, the more significant the parties, the more significant the consequence of their behaviorconsequence of their behavior

When parties are interdependent they When parties are interdependent they can potentially aide or interfere with each can potentially aide or interfere with each otherother

What are some of the important What are some of the important actions a conflict manager must actions a conflict manager must take?take?

Set aside your own agenda to allow someone Set aside your own agenda to allow someone to start telling their storyto start telling their story

Perform good listening, active listening Perform good listening, active listening Validate what was heardValidate what was heard Be aware at all times of your own reaction, Be aware at all times of your own reaction,

behaviorbehavior Self awareness is key to startingSelf awareness is key to starting Known your own conflict motivational behaviorKnown your own conflict motivational behavior Know your own normal motivational behaviorKnow your own normal motivational behavior

Conflict Actions That WorkConflict Actions That Work Be aware of the difference, and how to read the Be aware of the difference, and how to read the

behaviorbehavior Know how to read your opponents behavior; in Know how to read your opponents behavior; in

conflict and normal conversationconflict and normal conversation Know how to confirm behavior is not assumptionKnow how to confirm behavior is not assumption Know how to perform active listeningKnow how to perform active listening Know necessary steps to take to provide Know necessary steps to take to provide

discussion on solutionsdiscussion on solutions By performing these few functions, you can By performing these few functions, you can

control the flow of the conflict and manage it control the flow of the conflict and manage it much quickermuch quicker

What if this is a stranger you What if this is a stranger you know nothing about?know nothing about?

Learn and be aware of behavior cuesLearn and be aware of behavior cues Be aware of voice tone and word useBe aware of voice tone and word use Notice, and be aware of cultural differencesNotice, and be aware of cultural differences Confirm you are reading this behavior correctly Confirm you are reading this behavior correctly

by using a validating sentencesby using a validating sentences Always be ready and more willing to listen than Always be ready and more willing to listen than

to talkto talk People are defused when you let them talkPeople are defused when you let them talk

Some common errors people Some common errors people make are:make are:

Stereotyping; preconceived belief about Stereotyping; preconceived belief about individuals that can create attitudes, individuals that can create attitudes, prejudices, discrimination, prejudices, discrimination, generalizationsgeneralizations

Manipulation; flattery, sympathy, guilt, Manipulation; flattery, sympathy, guilt, intimidationintimidation

What would the steps be?What would the steps be?

The first step is to deal with the emotions: The first step is to deal with the emotions: confirm and clarifyconfirm and clarify

Eliminate defensive behavior on one side, Eliminate defensive behavior on one side, yoursyours

““Hear the other parties story” Hear the other parties story” Hearing the other party’s story will validate the Hearing the other party’s story will validate the

real thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and concernsreal thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and concerns Hearing the other party’s story will confirm your Hearing the other party’s story will confirm your

own real thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and own real thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and concernsconcerns

Then what?Then what?

Clarification of the issue through clear Clarification of the issue through clear communication may defuse the conflictcommunication may defuse the conflict

Everybody wants to tell their story, and Everybody wants to tell their story, and “feel like they have been heard”“feel like they have been heard”

In reality, they think they are being heard In reality, they think they are being heard Therefore, feel more calm, more open to Therefore, feel more calm, more open to

discuss, more ready to collaborate discuss, more ready to collaborate

Ready to resolve?Ready to resolve?

Feelings are sorted outFeelings are sorted out Thoughts are clarifiedThoughts are clarified Goals are clearGoals are clear Wants and interests are conciseWants and interests are concise Begin the dance of negotiationBegin the dance of negotiation Collaborate on a win-winCollaborate on a win-win

What did we learn?What did we learn?

Conflict can lead to resolutionConflict can lead to resolution Communication is a key toolCommunication is a key tool Know your conflict style Know your conflict style Gathering information, verifying Gathering information, verifying

understanding, assessing reception via understanding, assessing reception via non-verbal behaviornon-verbal behavior

Open the channels to communicationOpen the channels to communication Manage your conflictsManage your conflicts