OCTOBER 2016 IN THIS ISSUE

Catholic Women’s Conference

About Catholic Marriage 10 Pointers for Prayer

Screen Time: Quantity vs Quality

Why are millennials putting off marriage? Let me count the ways

Action Points for Dads on Positive messages to their Kids

Mass of Hope & Healing

Does Your Marriage Produce Good Fruit?

40 Days for Life

EnCourage meeting Life & Dignity Sunday – October

22/23

8 Ways Dads Benefit Boys

two by two

OFFICE OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY NEWSLETTER

Marriage & Family

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The baby is crying, the dog is whining, and you need to leave for work in five minutes. Finding time for prayer can seem impossible. Amid the busyness of family life, how can one respond to God’s ongoing invitation to speak with and listen to Him? Here are ten pointers to help you do just that.

1. Pray as you can, not as you can’t. God calls most Christians to an active life in the world, with family, work and community responsibilities. Such a call, while holy, does not usually allow for long periods of prayer and reflection. Lay people can become discouraged when they try to pray like a

cloistered contemplative. Be realistic about what’s possible.

2. Take ten — or twenty. If a half hour for

prayer isn’t possible, how about ten minutes, or twenty? Choose a good time of day and stick with it. Designate a special site for prayer so that spot becomes holy. Spouses can help by minding children during respective quiet times.

3. Pray as a family. Build upon rituals such as grace before meals. In addition to the usual “Bless us, O Lord…,” encourage family members to offer thanks for the blessings of the day, as well as prayers for those in need. Couples can deepen their spiritual relationship by taking a few minutes, perhaps before bedtime, to commend to God the joys and sorrows of the day.

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Schools in many parts of the country have started providing and using laptops and iPads as early as elementary school. There is no doubt that these devices can have a positive impact on a child’s learning experience. A child can benefit greatly by listening to music and engaging in structured learning activities on electronic media. It is the unstructured play and use of screens that must be monitored.

Developing rules for screen time are helpful in preventing overuse of electronic media. Ensuring positive screen quality use is just as important as reducing screen quantity. Research at Mayo Clinic has found that children engaging in excessive poor quality screen use may experience the following:

Obesity

Irregular sleep schedules and shorter duration of sleep

Behavioral problems

Loss of social skills

Violence

Less time for play

Experts shared these helpful tips in developing quality, structured screen time:

Preview programs, games and apps before allowing your child to view or play with them.

Seek out interactive options that engage your child, rather than those that just require pushing and swiping or staring at the screen.

Use parental controls to block or filter internet content.

Play a video game or explore a

new app with your child.

Screen Time: Quantity vs Quality from

Abstinence Clearinghouse

About Catholic Marriage 10 Pointers for Prayer from ForYourMarriage.org

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EWTN

EWTN - At Home with Jim & Joy hosted Chris Codden from the Office of Marriage and Family on Sept 29, 2016

Early that same week, at Home with Jim & Joy hosted Jim and Maureen Otremba

Fast Facts

Over 50 percent of the U.S. population prays everyday

More than 23 percent of the population prays once a week and 23 percent does not pray

FOR MORE INFORMATION

Click here for the full video from Rome Reports

“I can’t even imagine paying for a wedding right now,” 26-year-old Kaitlyn Schaefer tells me. The grad student splits her time between teaching special education kids and running to class, all while accumulating tens of thousands of dollars in student debt. Oh, did I mention she just celebrated her 10th anniversary with her boyfriend? But no, marriage isn’t on the table at the moment.

For many young people across the country, putting off marriage — or even settling down with a partner long term — has become the norm. The average age for first marriage is 27 for women and 29 for men; in urban areas such as New York and Washington, those averages are higher. It seems that everyone has a different answer for why: Blame it on the economy. Or dating apps. Or women’s ability to delay childbearing.

But the less sexy answer is that it’s all of the above.

“When there’s rough economic times, marriage rates go down,” explains Eric Klinenberg, sociologist and co-author of Aziz Ansari’s “Modern Romance: An Investigation.” “People don’t feel comfortable committing to someone during hardships.”

Marriage is indeed a financial investment, which explains why people in their 20s aren’t ready to take the plunge, considering the mounting debts and scarce job prospects they face today.

“We both have student debt, so it’s ridiculous,” Schaefer said. “And it’s a domino effect. Because then what’s the next step? Kids? A house? We can’t afford that now.”

Shaky finances can keep millennials from tying the knot, even into their 30s. James Fay, a 33-year-old who works in advertising says he and his ex never made it down the aisle because they were still establishing themselves professionally. “We didn’t have our careers established to the point where we thought it was smart to have a wedding and settle down and all that. Now that I’m single again, marriage isn’t off the table and my career now is further along, so it’s an easier choice.”

It’s not all bad news, economically. For women, marriage is less of a financial necessity. “There a couple of reasons why people choose to get married,” says Andrew Zuppann, assistant professor of economics at the University of Houston. “One is to have two people in the household to share the housework and finances. A big change between 2016 and 1950 is that a lot less people rely on this and have opportunities to afford to be on their own.”

We’re also better able to delay parenthood. “Contraceptives and abortion are letting women put off pregnancy and marriage longer,” Zuppann said. “In general, the reasons why marriage age is much later now are: birth control, technology, abortion, changes in female pay and household technology, like appliances.”

Fair enough, but what about the effect of Internet dating? According to the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of Americans use dating apps these days, a threefold increase for young people since 2013. Surely the rise of “hookup culture” is contributing to the number of singles who prefer perpetual use of Tinder and OkCupid, among others, to settling down with a long-term partner.

Why are millennials putting off marriage? Let me count the ways by Gabriela Barkho from the Washington Post June 6

50%

23%

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Action Points for Dads on Positive messages to their Kids from National

Center for Fathering

Also, what words or sayings are you trying to impress upon your children?

Does Your Marriage Produce Good Fruit? by Kathleen Billings

from foryourmarriage.org

This special Mass is for couples or individuals who have suffered the loss of a child through miscarriage, abortion, SIDS, illness or accident as well as those experiencing infertility. Part of

this evening consists of a candle lighting ceremony remembering those who have died.

Regularly speak words of affirmation and encouragement to your children. Make it personal to each child.

Don’t hesitate to repeat yourself if you want to stick with your child. Your dad did, right? There is power in repetition, and you can use it to affirm and speak truth into their lives.

Keep talking to your children about what you believe is important. Remember, something you tell him today might not really make sense or make a difference to him until five or ten years from now—or longer. If he heard you say it, it may still be in his memory when he needs it.

Before you speak, make sure you have listened and understood your child’s situation and perspective.

Since so many young people today don’t have positive voices in their heads, I can’t say it too often: dad, please consider mentoring or just encouraging a child outside your home who doesn’t have a dad.

Early in our marriage, my husband Troy and I rented a home in southern Illinois for two years. We lived in a quaint country town surrounded by miles and miles of farmland as far as the eye could see. As an avid gardener, I was delightfully surprised to discover that our home had two apricot trees in the backyard, which by all outward appearances looked alive and healthy. We moved in during the fall season and by the following spring I was eager to see the buds forming on the trees. To my disappointment, I realized that only one tree had buds while the other tree appeared alive, but dormant. As summer approached, I was excited to harvest the sweet fruit from the single apricot tree that had bloomed so beautifully that spring. But although it had bloomed, to my dismay, no fruit grew on the tree that summer. It sparked my curiosity, so I did a little research.

I discovered that the one tree that appeared dormant was actually slowly dying. In order for the healthy tree to produce fruit, it required the other tree also to be alive and strong, otherwise cross-pollination would be unable to occur and, therefore, no fruit could be produced. The one apricot tree was able to stay alive and grow independently from the other, but in order to produce fruit it was dependent upon the healthy existence of apricot tree Number Two. They needed each other to do what God created them to do: grow apricots! How fascinating!

I decided to address the issues of the dying tree. I gave it fertilizer, watered it, and cleared away shrubs that were blocking sunlight from getting through to it. I nursed it back to life. The following spring, to my great joy, the once dying treeing was now blooming. In fact, both trees bloomed! As summer neared, fruit was growing on both trees. It was not a huge harvest, but enough fruit to show that there was potential for an even bigger harvest in years to come.

Marriage is like those two apricot trees. Husband and wife can co-exist and live life independently from one another, but in order for their marriage to be strong and produce happiness and Godly fruit, both souls must be alive in Christ. Christ needs to be the root of marriage. Just as I needed to water and fertilize the trees, so couples need to nourish their marriages. How can this be accomplished? Through an investment of time, sacrifice and prayer.

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40 Days for Life’s Fall Campaign began Sept 28

Many people are needed to maintain the peaceful prayer and vigil at the Planned Parenthood site on E St Germain in St Cloud. To sign up for an hour, go to https://40daysforlife.com/local-campaigns/st-cloud/

Next EnCourage Meeting

is set for Wednesday, Oct 5th at 7 pm. (Note date change) The EnCourage Apostolate is a ministry dedicated to the spiritual needs of parents, siblings, children, and other relatives and friends of persons who have same-sex attractions.

For more information, click here

Worldwide Marriage Encounter

October 7, 2017 at Buffalo MN

Contact:

Brent & Tracy Chessen 612-756-8720

A program to Help Couples Heal and Renew their Marriages.

September 23, 2017

Contact: Jerry & Carol Jansen at 320-255-5314

Central Minnesota Retrouvaille

8 Ways Dads Benefit Boys by Byron Ricks

from National Center for Fathering Countless studies have shown that growing up with a father increases boys’ school performance and decreases their risk of committing a crime and abusing drugs and alcohol. Here are eight more ways dads influence boys—whether they live in the home or stay involved on a regular basis.

1. Shape their identity. Boys look to fathers in their search for self. Without a father, boys have a harder time defining who they are and who they want to be. A boy’s search for self starts with his father.

2. Help them belong. The need to belong to a family or tribe is a powerful force in boys. Having a father in the picture gives them this sense of alliance. Studies show that boys without fathers are more likely to join gangs—because they have to look outside the family for social acceptance.

3. Influence their values. Boys with fathers are more likely than their fatherless peers to have economic stability in the household. This gives them a sense of self-worth. There are other values fathers shape: work ethic, having a healthy relationship, and persevering.

4. Demonstrate character. Boys look up to their fathers and imitate what they see. Fathers can model good character traits like integrity, honesty, courage, restraint, fairness, foresight, and citizenship. When fathers are absent, boys look to celebrities, popular musicians, or sports figures for character cues.

5. Teach respect. A father who does not show up for his boy epitomizes disrespect. Present fathers, on the other hand, can actively teach respectful behaviors such as listening, trust, tolerance, politeness, and understanding limits.

6. Fill the void. Boys without fathers often feel as though there’s something missing, which is why some fatherless boys turn to sex, pornography, violence, drugs, alcohol, or other self-destructive behaviors. Having a father helps boys feel complete.

7. Balance ideas about sex. Boys without fathers have a lot of unanswered questions about sex. A side effect is that they don’t talk about sex and get the practical advice that would carry them into healthy, fulfilling relationships as men. Fathers can give practical advice about girls, sex, wet dreams, contraceptives, pregnancy, and other topics they are not likely to discuss with their moms.

8. Give them love. Boys who don’t have involved fathers often view love as vulnerability, and trust as a bad thing. Fathers show boys that love means satisfaction and completeness.

Life & Dignity Sunday –

October 22/23 Bishop Kettler is encouraging all parishes in the Diocese of St. Cloud to focus attention on our civic responsibilities as Catholics and provide parishioners with the opportunity to register for the Minnesota Catholic Conference (MCC) Catholic Advocacy Network. The network is created as a “Voice for Life and Dignity in Minnesota,” and provides resources to help us analyze and discern social and political issues through a solidly Catholic, nonpartisan lens. The weekend of October 22/23, you will have an opportunity to sign up for the Advocacy network. If you miss that opportunity, just go to: https://mncatholic.org/ to join. There is absolutely no cost to join!