· mfrcanmelibrary. new yo r k. a l over of truth wh en jean roycroft was a little girl, she was u...

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A L OVER OF TRUTH

WH EN Jean Roycroftwas a little girl, she wasu su ally charac terized by her elders as a verygood child.

” Now there is nothing more dishearten ing at an y age than to be known solelyby ou r virtu es, but it is particu larly depressingwhen we are you ng. What she wou ld haveliked people to say was, Jean Roycroft is sopretty, an d very fa scinating an d charming IIn point of fact, she was not an y of these things,an d ala s ! she knew it on ly too well. Interesting she was, but at the age of ten her interesting qu alities had not worked from the inside tothe surface snfiic ien tly to be apparent except toher family. When a little girl sits silent forhours in a merry company, she might as well bewithout bra in s, so far as her contribu tion tosociety is concerned.Jean had another cla im to di stinction, namely,

her family connection. When it was said of herthat she was a very good child, some one was

2 A LOVER OF TE UTH

sure to add that she was pretty little ElsieThorndyke’s cou sin, or else that she was halfsister to tha t sweet Helen Gordon, impossible asit seemed, for there never were two sisters moreun l ike ; an d to wind up with, it wa s stated thatshe was dear old M r. Thorndyke’s gran dd au ghter. The advantages in being well born are

obvious, but there are some less conspicuous di sadvan tages, an d if one is the shy member of anu nusu ally delightfu l family, tha t same domesticcirc le sometimes proves a heavy handi cap.

“She is a good child,” they said of Jean , but

what a pity that she has n ’t an y of the Thorndykecharm ! She is an out an d out R eyc roft IJean did not like to be an out an d out R eycroft, for her uncle, the doctor, an d the on lyliving member of her father’s family, wa s not aperson to inspire a shy child with a love for theReyc roft name. H e had started in life as diflident an d self-centred as his little niece ; but nowthat he had reached middle age an d become animportant member of the commu nity, he was nolonger called reserved, but bru sque, sarca stic, orin difieren t. It mu st be added that he had theReyeroft virtu es as well as their fa u lts, an d wasbesides such an excellent physician that his patiente, although often glad they were not calledupon to live with him, were equ ally su re theyc ou ld n ot live withou t him.

A LOVER or TRUTH 8

Ou this especial afternoon Jean was curled u pon a sofa in the bow window of her grandfather’s stu dy, writing a poem called TheDeath Angel,

” for which she had first drawn anillu stration an d as poetry did not come as easilyto her as drawin g, she was cou n ting out the syllables on her small fin gers.

M a ry will die, M a ry will die ;An d we hear the death an g el c ry ,Come to you r g rave, sweet M ary.

She was much pleased with these lines. The

n ext stan za gave her more trouble.

M ary has died, M ary has died ;And life an d death have (Wha t did rhyme with diedTo see whichwill ga in the priz e.

Sarah,” she a sked, looking up as a sad-faced

ma id entered the room, what rhymes withdiedSarah was a person with literary tendencies,

an d she read Jean’s u n fin ished effort with flattering interest.It is beautifu l, she remarked. An d such

a lovely picture. You will su rely be a greatartist when you grow u p, Miss Jean . I shouldsay vied,

’life an d death have vied to see

which will gain the priz e.’ But you know youare going to George Morley’s birthday partythis afternoon, an d it

’s time you changed you r

dress.”

4 A LOVER OF TR UTH

Jean abhorred parties, but she was too prou dto c onfide the fact, even to the sympatheticSarah. Indeed, the poor child had spent herlife so far in conscientiou sly trying to like wha tever other people liked. She obediently putaway her paper a n d pencil an d followed Sarahu psta irs.

I wish I was a little girl, sa id the ma id,with a sigh, as she bru shed Jean

’s stra ight darkha ir. I wish I was going to a nice party, in awhite gown with a pink sash. Pink is so becoming when one has dark brown eyes like you,Miss Jean . Oh, the innocence, the delight ofchildhood IJean made no reply. Silence was always herchief weapon of defense. Wha t she thoughtwas : It ’s perfectly horrid to be a little girl.I ’m just cra z y to be grown u p. Sometimes Ithink I ’d like to be dead, but generally I

’d

rather try being grown up first, for if you are

dead you c an never come bac k an d be grownu p, even if you want to ever so much.

When she was fin ally arrayed in her whitegown an d pink sash, she went demurely downsta irs to show herself to her grown-u p half-sisterHelen, who was making a salad in the diningroom. Helen looked up with su ch a brightsmile that she was fa irly radiant. Her happyexpression made one forget that there was no

A LOVER OF TE UTH 5

th ing else beau tifu l abou t her fac e except itsframe of red gold ha ir . Perhaps it was thisthat helped to complete the impression ofwarmth an d comfortable cheer that one alwaysfelt when brou ght in contact with her even fora moment.Well, dear, she sa id in a contralto voice

that was as warm as herself, how nice youlook ! I hope you

’11have a delightful time !

There was nothing to su ggest such a possib ility in the shrink ing little fig u re with themelancholy dark eyes.

I su ppose it will be very pleasant, saidJc an in resigned ton es.

Come out into the garden, an d we’11pick

some lilies of the valley for you to take toGeorge,

” sa id Helen.

Jean followed her sister, too shy to protest,b u t overwhelmed at the prospect of having togive a birthday present to George Morley.In the garden she forgot for a moment herpangs of anticipation, for the air was so sweet,an d the shadows on the lawn so full of mystery.

Everything spoke of the spring. Robins an dblu ebirds sang of it, doves cooed of it, treesan d shrubs alike seemed filled with new life,while the white bells of the lil ies of the valley intheir 0001green nest gave forth a fragran ce thatseemed the essence of the sea son.

6 A LOVER OF TE UTH

Oh, dear, how I wish I cou ld stay here,thought poor Jean , instead of having to go toa hatefu l party, an d give flowers to a dreadfu lboy .

”

Helen, meanwhile, was pu tting the fin ishin gtou ches to her bouquet.

Are n’t they lovely she asked, as she

added the last lily of the valley an d gave theflowers to her sister. An d now good-by ,dear. Have a nice time, an d give my love toMrs. Morley an d Virginia an d George. I hopethey won’t play an y kissing games, for I don

’tlike them.

Jean started down the qu iet village streetwith the lilies of the valley clutched in her han d.

How cou ld she ever get the cou rage to han dthem to George Morley she asked herself.When she reached the gate of the Morleys’

hou se, with its stone lions on either side, herfears redou bled. It wou ld be so easy tothe flowers down by the stone wall, an d to tellHelen that she had dropped them. Wou ld n ’tit be tru e in a way But no, it wou ld be thesame as a lie. She ra ised the ponderous knockeran d gave a timid rap. A man in livery openedthe door, an d this formidable person inspiredJean with new terrors. She hu rried past him ;b u t when she saw the parlor already fu ll ofchildren she longed to ru sh upsta irs an d hide

A LOVER OF TR UTH 7

herself somewhere in the unexplored rooms. Itwas too la te. Virginia Morley, a fin e-looking ,dark ham d girl of Helen’8 age, in a flame

c olored gown, came ou t to give her a cordialhandshake. She was a wholesome, bmez yyou ng person, an d u nder her escort Jean’s fearssomewhat su bsided.

Give me you r hat, sa idVirginia , an d comeright in here. You are ju st in time for Copenhagen. Wha t lovely lilies of the valley !Jean gave a hu rried glance arou nd the parlor,

an d saw that the terrifying George was on theother side of it. The ordeal was too severe.

I brought them I brou ght them for you,she stammered. Helen picked them. Theyare the first we ’ve had .

”

How good of you to give them to me Theyare lovely, an d look so well with my gown .

Thank you ever so much.

”

Jean had a guilty feelin g when she joined theCopenhagen ring, for although her sister hadnot forbidden her to play, she had expressed herdisapproval of kissing games ; but she was tootimid an d conventional a little girl to refu sewhen she was in Rome to do as the R omans do.She merely followed their lead in so depresseda fashion as to lose all chance of pleasure forherself ; an d as she stood with her hands on theCopenhagen rope she was the embodiment of

8 A LOVER OF TE UTH

misery. There was something in the atmosphereof the very room itself that depressed her, foralthough the house was the most pretentiou sone in the village, the Morleys were a plebeianfamily an d their taste had not kept pac e withtheir fortu nes. The marble-topped tables withtheir gilt legs, the bright-hu ed flowery carpet,the u gly statues, an d the pictu res in their tawdry frames gave her beauty-loving eyes a vaguepa in . She did not quite know wha t was thematter with this room, which frightened her byits mag n ific en c e, but she was aware that it madeher uncomfortable. She turned to look at her

g ay little cousin Elsie, who was running aboutwith her yellow hair flyin g , an d her mischievouseyes glancing back at George Morley, who wasin hot pursuit of her. I shou ld die if a n yone tried to kiss me,

” thought Jc an . I hopethey won’t. Oh, how I hope they won

’tThen a s time wore on she saw that she neednot be afra id, for no boy had the fa intest ideaof kissing her. She stood with her hands onthe rope, as little noticed as if she had beeninvisible. Finally a lump rose in her throat.It is n ’t that I want to he kissed, she sa id toherself, I should hate it ; but I don

’t like tobe the kind of little girl that nobody wants tokiss IHer eyes rested on Alan Nichols at this point.

A LOVER OF TRUTH 9

H e was the oldest an d by far the han dsomestboy in the room, an d Jc an for some time hadcherished a secret admiration for him . H e had

never spoken to her but once, but that occa sionwas indelibly engraved upon her memory. Thewonderful conversa tion had taken plac e at a

church fa ir, where she had become the possessor,throu gh the medium of the fish-pond, of a littlewalnut, g ummed together an d containing sometrinket. Ou this memorable afternoon Alan,who was standing near her, had sa id, Jc an ,

shan’t I open your walnut for youShe had been too shy to answer him, an d had

given him the walnu t silently, a n d with it hadgone her wondering gratitude, her belief thatthis kind lad with the dark eyes an d the firm

mouth was a being wholly superior to the usualra ce of boys. H e opened the waln ut with hispenknife, releasin g a cornelian rin g, an d then,to her tremu lou s satisfaction, he slipped it onher third fin ger.

It is just a fit, he observed.

Jc an was wearing the ring now. She meantto wear it always. A momeri

'

t later, as she saw

Alan stoop a n d kiss her pretty cousin , somethingseemed to clutch at her heart.

I don’t see why everybody was n’t made with

g olden hair an d blue eyes,” she thought.

A game of Button button, who has the

10 A LOVER OF TRUTH

button followed Copenhagen, despite Alan’s

exclamation that it was only fit for babies.They had a merry time over it, however, n otwithstanding his disapproval , until Alan himself wasqu estioned.

Button bu tton, who has the buttonGeorge Morley asked him.

I have. I ’m not going to lie for an old

game.The children were elec trified. Jc a n felt her

heart swell with pride in her hero, but Elsiesa id, How mean of you, Al an Nic hols !You ’ve spoiled all our fun .

”

I wonder if Al an would like Elsie just thesame if he knew she told lies,

” thought Jean .

She whispers at school sometimes, an d thengives in her report, n ot whispered.

’I f I told

lies I shou ld be very u ncomfortable, but shedoes n ’t seem to mind it. I wish I were likeElsie, oh , dearJean’s grandfather called to take her homebefore the party was over. Now strange to say ,although the little girl had had a wretched timefrom the moment she entered the house, she didn ot want to leave before the othei‘s. An d yet,when her grandfather said in his kind voice,Jean , are you ready she replied meekly

,

Yes, grandpapa .

”

H e had promised to see his grandd au ghter

A LOVER OF TRUTH 11

Elsie home too, as she lived not far from Jc anan d himself, an d when he asked her if she wereready she answered : No, indeed. I alwaysstay u ntil parties are done. Sit down, grandpapa , dear. You may as well make the bestof it.M r. Thorndyke lau ghingly obeyed, an d Jeanwished again that she were like Elsie.As they were walking home, the two cousins

ran on ahead of their grandfather an d disc ussedthe evening.

I had a lovely time, did n’t you , Jean ?

Elsie asked.

Yes, I had a very nice M e.

Oddly enough, it did not occur to her to wonder whether the truthful Alan Nichols wou ldapprove of her as she made this speech.

On ly Copenhagen is such a silly game !an d Elsie gave her head a toss. Boys do saysuch things to you ! Don’t you hate boys whenthey a re silly

I ha te boys, but they never say anything tome, sensible or silly.

How funny ! I suppose they are afra id ofyou. Well, it saves you a lot of trouble. I doso hate to he kissed, don

’t you ?Yes.”

Jc an , Elsie continued presen tly, do youever look in the gla ss an d say to yourself, Howpretty I am

12 A LOVER OF TRUTH

No, Jean sa id vehemently, but I oftenlook in the gla ss an d say , H ow ugly I am .

’

You are not ugly. You have lovely eyes.You

’d be a pretty girl if you did not look all

the time as if you were going to a funeral .”

They parted at Elsie’s door with a kiss an dan appointment to meet the next day in the oldga rden behind M r. Thorndyke

’s house ; for although Jeau had moments of hating her cousin,she could never live for more than twenty-fourhours without her.When Jc an an d her grandfather reached

home, Helen was sitting in the parlor reading.

The little girl felt a thrill of happiness. Forthe moment her trials were forgotten. Her sensitive natu re was as quick to respond to pleasu rab le sensations as to unhappy on es, an d theharmonious colors of the parlor, an d Helen, inher lilac gown , a bright, radiant figu re in thelamplight, gave her keen enjoyment. Oh, hownice it is to get home she sa id.

Did n ’t you have a good time, dear ?” her

sister asked.

“Yes,

°

a very good time.Tell me all about it.”

There was delicious vanilla ice-cream forsupper

, an d lovely macaroons an d cocoanutcakes, an d cold tongue an d ham an d bread an dbutter.”

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14 A LOVER OF TRUTH

at thirty or sixty, although we grown-u p peopleare apt to forget the fac t . There ought to besome c onsolation in the thought that at ten oneha s not a very long past to review, b u t this didn ot oc cur to Jc an . She sa id to herself, I amthe kind of little g irl that boys ha te. I hateboys.” A pau se. W hen I grow u p, I shallnever marry. I shall be an old ma id ; it is muchnicer.

”Another pau se. Nobody will want to

marry me, so I shall ha ve to be an old ma id,anyway.” Here Jc an smiled, for happily shewas not without humor. I ’m going to be anartist when I grow u p, as nobody will want tomarry me. I shall be a very great artist, an dAlan Nichols will admire my pictu res. H e willsay , Is it possible that these beautifu l works ofart were painted by that little g irl who was sounattractive that nobody wanted to kiss herOh, dear, I

’m not the sort of little g irl that

boys an d men like ! Everybody always caresmore for Helen an d Elsie than for me.” Ha rdas it was, she could bear to have her sister likedbest, for Helen was so good ; b u t it did seemunfa ir tha t they shou ld prefer a little girl whotold lies to one who told the truth. It was atthis point that her thoug hts went bac k to thepast.She recalled a certa in afternoon ages ago,

when her uncle, Dr. Reyc roft, had come on to

A LOVER OF TRUTH 15

New York to her mother’s fun eral . She had a

quick remembrance of the desolation that hadswept over her as she realiz ed that besides losingher dear mamma , she an d Helen were to goaway from all their familiar su rroundings to livein Edg ecomb with their grandfather. Thenthere had come a knock on the door, an d thema id told them tha t Dr. Reyc roft had arrived.

Helen, who was making the fin al arrangementswith her g randfather, sent Jc an down to him.

He will like to see you best, dear,” she sa id.

You kn ow he is your own u ncle, an d he is n’t

an y rela tion to me.Jean descended the sta irs with a beatingheart, an d paused in the doorway. Her un clewas reading a newspaper, an d did n ot see her.She took a few more timid steps an d he lookedu p. H e was a small , slightly built man , witha pla in fac e an d penetrating dark eyes thatseemed to the poor child to look through her tothe wall beyond, an d to fin d nothing in eitherto interest him.

This is Jc an , I suppose he asked, in a

voice that tried to be kin d.

Yes, sir.

”

H e went over to the sofa an d motioned to herto take a seat by his side.How old are you he inquired presently.

She could not remember, for she was so frightened.

16 A LOVER OF TRUTH

I asked how old you were, he repeated.Seven.

”

Speak louder. I can’t hear a word you say .

Seven. Seven an d a quarter.”

I ’m glad you put in the quarter, he sa id,with a friendly smile that softened his expression. It is well to be exac t. You are largefor your age, an d you have the R eyc roft cordia lity an d ease of manner. It ’s a shame to putsuch a little thing into that confounded blac k.

”

Jean shran k into a c orner, as if to hide herselffrom further comments. It did not occur toher that a grown-u p man could feel as ill at ea seas a small child, or that she could do an ythin gto mitigate the situation, so she sat with hereyes on the rug, preserving a n unbroken silence .Finally to her unspeakable relief the door openedan d Helen appeared.

Helen was only sixteen, but she was very woma n ly an d self-possessed. Dr. Reyc roft glancedup indifferently as she entered, but his attentionwas quickly riveted. It wa s as if a fla sh ofsunlight had come into the sombre room, for shelooked a bright picture of girlhood, even n ow

in her sorrow Her long bra ids of red goldha ir relieved the gloomy effect of her blackgown , an d the musical tones of her voice broughta welcome with them.

She came straight up to him an d held out herhand.

A LOVER OF TR UTH 17

I ’m so glad you have come, she sa id cordially . I have heard about you all my life.M ay I ca ll you Uncle James, as Jean does, evenif you are not really my uncleDr. R eyc roft quickly thawed, under Helen

’sgenial in flu en c e, while Jea n experienced her firstpangs of jealousy. H e was her uncle, this graveman with the dark eyes that made her thin k ofthose of her dead father. H e ought to love herdearly, an d instead of that he liked Helen best,Helen who was not his niece at all. Then Jea nrecalled the sad journey with her grandfa theran d u ncle, an d her first sensations when shereached Edgecomb in the darkness. There hadbeen a few moments’ delay in the stu ffy littlestation, an d then she an d Helen an d their grandfather seated themselves in the dilapidated village hack an d were driven slowly up the street.She remembered the chilly a ir an d the fall in gsnow, an d her first hurried impression of a vil

lage of white houses an d two friendly churchspires. They had stopped before the gate of awhite house larger than the others, while thelights flashed out an d the servants welcomedthem, an d then came warmth an d peac e. WhenJean rea ched this point in her reflec tion s sheskipped over the first uneventful, happy yearthat she an d Helen spent with their grandfather,to a certa in afternoon in the old garden when

18 A L OVER OF TRUTH

her cou sin, Dick John ston e was a live. H e had

b een pettin g Elsie an d calling her his little wife,u ntil Jean felt that she cou ld bear it no longer ;an d when Elsie at length went home, Jean ran

into the summer-hou se an d climbed into his lap.

I will be your little wife now,Cou sin Dicshe stated shyly.

H e rose in a bored way an d sa id, A man

can’t have but one wife.”

Poor l ean, repu lsed an d humiliated, wentquietly away without another word, snfierin g as

keenly as if she had been a woman, an d withless hope, for the knowledge of herself hadcome for the first time. Before that afternoonshe had felt that she was one of the most important persons in the universe, an d afterwardsshe kn ew she was a pla in, u nattractive, stupidlittle girl.An d now here was the same thing over aga in !She liked Alan Nichols in the same shy, intense,speechless fashion in which she had previouslyworshiped her cousin Dick, an d he was devotedto Elsie an d never gave a thought to her. Howlike a hero he had looked when he flu ng backhis head an d dared to speak the truth ! Shecou ld recall the very tones in which he said,I have it I am not going to lie about an old

game. H ow different he was from GeorgeMorley, who had passed the bu tton to her an d

A LOVER or TRUTH 19

then declared that Alan N ic hols had it ! An d

Elsie cou ld not appreciate Alan’s courage ; shemerely thou ght he had spoiled the game !Jc an was wide awake when her sister came to

bed, lying in that tearless misery which is theportion of such sensitively organiz ed children .

She closed her eyes an d pretended to be asleep.

Oh, dehr she thou ght, I wish I werenot su ch an u na ttractive little girl ! I wish

people cou ld be born grown u p.

”

JEAN R EYCBOFT at fou rteen was much theame inwardly that she had been at ten. Outwardly she was less attractive, for she hadgrown very tall an d was consciou s of her handsan d feet. A close ob server would have noticedthat she was not without beauty, althou gh itwas as yet un developed, an d wou ld have sus

pec ted that she had interesting traits ; but suchobservers are rare, an d to the world in generalshe was merely a n overgrown, painfully shy girl.She was still subject to the same flu c tu ation s

of feeling, varying from intense happiness toabject misery, a n d although she had passedbeyond the period of kissin g-games, she haddiscovered that dan c in g asc hool, under some circ umstan c es, c an be a far more agoniz ing or

deal.Jean , sa id her sister one night, as she was

scot ting her to this form of to you ’veimproved won derfu lly in your waltz ing sinceyou have practiced at home with me. All youwant is c on fiden c e. Do try to look happy, an ddon’t forget you mu st talk a little. You stood

22 A LOVER OF TR UTE

remember the figu res in the square dances to saveyou r soul unless you keep your mind on themevery single minu te. If I were to think aboutother people, I shou ld get so hopelessly mixedtha t I shou ld tangle up the whole set in thelancers.”

Jean’s silence encou raged Helen to proceed.

I fAlan asks you to dance to-night, try to makehim talk . H e c an be very interesting. All heneeds is to be drawn out.”

As Jc an took ofi her wraps in the dressingroom, she nodded in a shy, uncomfortable fa shion to the girls she kn ew slightly, an d thentu rned to greet cordially her three or fourfriends. She was a favorite in a quiet way withthe girls she liked, while those whom she didnot like called her stu ck u p.

”

Elsie was looking particularly bewitching ina pa le blue gown trimmed with swan’s down .

She was chattering to one of her girl friends,but she let her eyes wander throu gh the opendoor to the group of lads who were standing ina corner in the dancing-hall. More than onepa ir of eyes rested with boyish admiration onthe little figu re in pale blue, framed in the

Oh, dear ! How I wish I were like Elsie !Jean thou ght for the hun dredth time.A few minu tes later the girls were all sitting

A L OVER or TR UTH 23

on the wooden settees in the hall, wa iting forthe music to strike u p. Elsie an d Jean wereside by side. Elsie’s face was bright with happin ess, her blu e eyes sparkled, an d there was alovely color in her cheeks. As the stra ins ofa Strauss waltz sou nded from the piano, shetapped the floor softly with on e diminutivebronz e-clad foot. Everything about her, fromh0r smiling fac e to her da inty little figu re,

breathed eager invitation. Jean sat with hereyes cast on the floor. Her attitude was one ofhopeless misery. She seemed conscious of theawkward lines of her slim fig u re, an d of the

size of her bronz ed slippers, that made E lsie’s

feet look like those of a little child. There wasa stand-ofi air abou t her that said as pla inly asif it were written all over her in large characters,W ho dances with me does so at his peril,

for I waltz badly, an d oh, how I hate itThe boys came racing ac ross the floor to secu re their favorite partners. Elsie was at onceled off by the pleasant-faced George Morley,the best dancer in the school, while Alan, whohad wanted Elsie too, wa s obliged to contenthimself with Susie Endicott. The other girlswere appropriated in due sea son one by one.It at last became apparent to the suffering Jc anthat there was an extra girl present

, an d that

24 A LOVER or TR UTH

this left-over person was to be herself. Hercheeks grew redder an d redder, an d she wishedshe could borrow an invisible cloak. They hadall begu n to dance, an d she felt as if the eyes ofevery one in the room were fastened on her a n dthat they were all thinking, Jean R eyc rofthas n

’t a partner. Poor girl, it

’s a pity she

waltz es so badly.

”

PresentlyVirg inia Morley, who had joined theranks of the spectators, good n at uredly crossedover an d asked Jc an if she would not like towaltz with her. Jean had always secretly despised her, because she had a loud voice an dlaugh, an d did not belong to an aristocraticfamily, but she was touchingly grateful at thepresent moment for attention even from thisquarter.You ’ve improved, Virginia said en c ou r

ag in gly , when their danc e was over ; all youneed is practice. R eversing seems to stick youa little. I f you ’11come up some afternoon, I

’11

play for you an d get George to waltz with you.

Jc an shuddered at this awful prospect an dhastened to reply,You are very kind, but Helen is teac lflhg

me all I have time for.As you like,

” sa id Virginia stimy ; an d sheadded to herself, George is right ; she isstu ck u p.

’

A LOVER or TE UTH 25

When it was time for the lancers, Jean’s de

jec ted fig u re took on a more hopefu l pose, forshe had mastered the intricacies of this dance.Her heart began to beat quickly, for Alan N ichols was approachin g. She was so afraid hewould think she liked to dance with him, thatshe pu t on her most severe expression, an d

looked away from him to the farther end of theroom. H e stood before her a little dampenedby her chilling reception, an d looked irresolutelytowards Su sie Endic ott. Jean had a pang ofkeen disappointment, fearing that after all hewas not going to ask her to dance.Jean , will you dance the lancers with

me 9

There cou ld be n o mistake. The bare room at

once seemed a palace, the wooden settee whereshe had been sitting became a regal throne,the crac ked piano was a whole orchestra , theflaring gas jets threw a da z z ling light, an d sheWas so happy tha t she cou ld willingly have livedthrough a hundred mortifying experiences forthe sake of such a blissfu l moment. She followed her partner silently across the hall in a

dreh of delight, an d they took their places asside couple in a set opposite Elsie an d GeorgeMorley.

Oh, dear, if I could on ly do as Helen saysan d make him talk ! thought poor Jean, but

26 A LOVER OF TE UTH

it seemed impossible to begin . It was too triteto remark that it was a plea sant even ing, forAlan was an intellectu al boy who would scornsuch threadbare themes. Suddenly she thoughtof school, an d of the one class in which theywere fellow pupils.Do you like French she inqu ired in a

low tone.I beg your pardon.

Do you like French she repeated in a

voice.Not at all .”

This was somewhat disheartening.

Do you like Greek she continued desper

Very much.

She caught her sister’s eyes fix ed on herin an encourag ing manner. Go ou , Helenseemed to say , you are doing bravely.

This was too much for Jean’s gravity. Shelaughed nervously an d looked down at her slippers.Come on , Jean, sa id Elsie ; don

’t be aslow-poke. It ’s you r tu rn to danc e now.

Jean was one of those persons of New E n gland descent who, if they once embark upon a

line of conduct that they feel prescribed byduty, pursu e it u nfiin c hingly . She had undertaken to talk to Alan Nichols, an d talk she

A LOVER or TRUTH 27

would, even if he an d she were more u n c om

fortable in the process than if they had mainta in ed an u nsociable but at least restfu l silence.I ’ve never stu died Greek,

” she went on inthe next pau se in the dance. I don’t think Ishou ld like it. American history is my favoritestudy.

”

I like it too, said Alan, brightening visi

How handsome he is, thou ght Jean, an d

how manly. It seems fu nn y I should be in a

French class with him, when he is so old eighteen, an d going to c ollege next year. I wish itwere as easy to learn to dance as it is to learnFrench.”

How far have you gone in American History Alan inquired presently.

We ’ve ju st had the Signing of the Declaration of Independence. It is all so interesting,especially the part about Benjamin Franklinamusing su dden ly the name of Thoma s Jc iferson went as completely out of her head as ifhe had never had one.

R oger Sherman her compan ion su g

gested.No.R obert LivingstonNo,

” she sa id, while her checks were gettin ghotter an d hotter.

28 A LOVE R op" TRUTH

You don’t mean Adams or Jefferson ?Yes, I mean Jefierson . Fra nklin told him

a very fun ny story about a hatter.”

What was itShe tried to think . She had remembered itperfectly a moment before, but n ow it had van

ished along the same road that Thoma s Jefiersonhad traveled.I forget what it was, sa id poor Jean , but

it was very funny.

”

Jc an , for heaven’s sake come an d cross

right hands,” Elsie cried impa tien tly.

H e will n ever, never dance with me aga in,Jean sa id to herself. H e will think me a perfec t fool. As long a s you don’t open your lipsthere is the chance that you cou ld speak if youchose

, b u t if you talk an d make a n idiot of yourself there is no hope for you.

An d so ended her first attempt to draw outAl an Nichols.Jc an 8 gra n dfather, the Rev. Edward Thorndyke

, was a n Orthodox clergyman of a liberalstripe. H e wa s one of those fortunate menborn with charm, a n d was loved for his attractions even more than for his goodness. M r.

Thorndyke wa s superintenden t of his Su ndayschool, a n d was on intimate terms with everychild. H e had a class of the older boys, whowere made welcome to h is stu dy at a ll hours.


Miss Jean ! ” Sarah called, “ Miss Jean !where are youThen after a time she heard the door close

an d the sound of descending footsteps. WhenJean was su re that her enemies had departed,she came cautiously forth an d looked stealthilyout of her window, to see if they were walkingdown the street, for even a brief glimpse ofAl an’s back, if only it might be seen from a

safe distance gave her keen pleasure. N 0, theywere out of sight already. It was so cold inher room that she decided to go down to thewarmth below. She had opened the stu dy dooran d stepped over the threshold before she discovered to her horror tha t the two boys werecomfortably ensconced in front of the fireGood afternoon, Jean,

” said Alan. Wewere wa itin g for your grandfather, but you willdo just as well.”

I beg your pardon, I did n’t know you were

here, she stammered.

We came to leave the money for the Children’s Mission, Al an explained.

Grandfather will be in very soon, Jeansa id in almost inaudible tones. H e has on lygone to the post—offic e.

”

Then we will wa it for him, b u t don’t let u s

drive you away,” sa id Alan politely. Don’t

mind u s.

”

A LOVER or TRUTH 31

Not mind them, indeed, when she was trembling all over with fright IYou are cold,

” sa id George kindly. Comeover by the fire.

George Morley was another of those favoredbeings born with charm, an d although Jean hadnever thou ght him especially interesting, shecould not but feel the attraction of his friendlymanners an d pleasant, frank smile.It was ea sier to slip into a chair than to slipout of the room, an d Jc a n did as he su ggested.

She open ed her book an d began to read , butafter a time it struck her that this was n ot

polite.

It is a cold day , she observed in a scaredvoice. I think it is going to snow.

”

Yes,sa id Alan, I th ink it is .

Now that Jean had once made the fatal plun ge,something unexpected happened. In spite ofher great fear, there was a n awful fascinationin sitting in the same room with Alan Nichols.She wa s exhilara ted, miserable as she was. Sheglanced furtively from time to time at his fin efig u re an d at his handsome face, with its clearcut features, the strong mouth , a n d somewhataggressive chin, the stra ight nose, a n d the darkeyes tha t seemed so fu ll of expression, an d themore she looked at him the more conscious shewas of a feeling of helpless attrac tion.


How are you getting on with American history he a sked her presently, with a halfamused, ha lf-ironica l smile.

Very well. I think Wa shington was perfec tly fin e.

”

A good many other people have thought so

I hate Alan N ic hols, she sa id to herself ;he is very disagreeable.

”

I could never see why everybody made sucha time about that old cherry-tree, sa id George,coming to her rescue.I never cou ld either, she agreed. It is

almost impossible to tell a direct lie abou t a

thing like tha t, if you are at all truthfu l .Yes,

” George assented, that is n’t the sort

of thing a fellow lies about.Jc an was much interested. What kind ofthings do boys lie about she a sked, an d thenbecame covered with confusion at her boldness.Why

,you ’d lie to get another fellow out of

a scrape, or you might lie if you were cra z y to

go fishin g an d had been told you could n ’t go.

There are lots of different kinds of lies you ’dtell ; but it wou ld be easy enough to tell the truthabout the cherry-tree.’

Yes,” sa id Jean , but if anybody had asked

George Wa shing ton if he liked his father, an dhis father had been horrid, an d he had hated


him,then it would have been b rave to tell the

truth, because it would have been so hard.

It would rather I George adm itted witha chuckle.The world would be much better ofi if we

did tell the truth about such things,”

O

Ala n re

marked. I f we ha te our families why shou ld n ’twe say so, instead of mullin g along pretendingwe like themJean was always interested in a discussion,

an d forgot her shyness for the moment. Herface lighted up an d she looked really beautifu l ,as

°she leaned a little forward an d her dark eyesbecame an imated. Do you think it is ever rightto tell a lie ? she asked Alan .

In the abstract I shou ld say never.But if you could save a man’s life by telling

a lie

I think we ought to have fa ith enough inju stice preva ilin g in the end to tell the truth.

”

Well,I know I ’d lie like a blu e streak to

save a man’s life,” sa id George.

Jean had something fu rther that she wantedto ask, but her courage had deserted her. Shebent her eyes ou

,

the floor an d cla sped her handsnervously. When she looked down all the lightseemed gone ou t of her fac e, but there was somethin g interesting still in the shy fig u re in thedark red gown, sitting in the ruddy firelight,


poised lightly on her cha ir, as if ready for instantflight. Both Al an an d George were consciou sof a desire to make her stay.

Don’t you thin k it is always wrong to tella lie Alan asked her.I su ppose so,

” she answered slowly, lookingstra ight at him for one moment with eyes tha twere like those of a frightened fawn. Butsomehow when you say a thing is pretty an d

you don’t thin k it is pretty, so as not to hurt aperson’s feelin gs, or tha t you

’ve had a good time

at a party when you ’ve had a stupid time, itdoes n ’t seem ex actly like a lie ; it seems likebein g polite.But if you stop to think you will see that

it is a lie, persisted Al an, an d if we allowourselves one kind of lie

Oh, come now, Alan, give u s a rest sa idGeorge.

I f we once begin to take the smallest libertywi th tru th, no one knows where to fin d u s,

Alan continued. It seems to me like this.Coal is always black is n ’t it ?Yes.It is ju st as blac k whether it is in a big

lump or in a fin e powder, an d so falsehood isfalsehood whether the lie is large or small . Thelittle lies are the most dangerous becau se theyare so insidiou s.”

A LOVER OF TE UTH 35

Perhaps they are, Jean admitted, but itseems so disagreeable to be always fin din g faultwith thin gs an d people.”

I f we were all ahsolu tely truthful we shouldall be in the same box,

” sa id Alan, who was asfon d of an ethical discussion as Jc an herself.An d thin k how much more piquant an d in

terestin g life would be ! There would be noglib society lies, no pretendin g, on the part offam ilies who were quarreling half the time, thatthey got on well, but a good, wholesome, tru thfu lhatred. You don’t seem to be very happy withyour wife, sir,

’ somebody wou ld remark, an d

instead of vowing you adored her, you wou ldhave the satisfaction of saying, I dislike hervery much ; she

’s a selfish, aggravating wo

man .

Well , I’m glad I ’m not you r wife, Alan,

sa id George.At this point M r. Thorndyke came in , ,

an d

Jean slipped away, but the conversa tion was

destin ed to rema in with her for many years,helping to mould her charac ter, an d increasingher ardent admiration for Alan.

M R S. SH I M M I N was giving the most brilliantdancing-party of the season, an d Jc an Reyc roft,like little Jac k Horner, sat in a corner,

” butwithout the solace of a Christmas pie. Indeed,as she looked ba ck over the many occasions whenshe had sat in similar corners in Edgecomb

,

there were very f ew plums in the retrospect.She had crossed the sea s since her childish days,an d attain ed a fa ir amount of success an d happiness in distant lands, but she was learning n ow

that it is well-nigh impossible to outgrow an earlyreputation in one’s native town . The fact tha tshe had studied art for two years in Paris, a n dhad had a picture exh ibited in the Salon , wa s

of no ava il ; an d for the moment she seemed tohave gone back to her dancing-school days, an dbecome aga in, in other people

’s minds, the shygirl who waltz ed badly an d had nothing to say .

The truth was, nevertheless, that her long ah

sence from home had helped her to overcomeher self-distru st. She had been forc ed to thinkan d ac t for herself. To acquire a calm manner,n o matter how frightened or excited she might

38 A LOVER OF TRUTH

When she was seventeen the world had sudden ly en larged its borders an d included NewYork, with its many delights as kn own to a

school-g irl. Jean recalled her raptu rous joywhen she saw the city at night for the first

time, with the rows an d rows of lights mysteriou sly stretching away into in fin ite space. It wasthen tha t she had her first glimpse of the true proportion of her life to the lives of others. Sheremembered saying to her school friend, SusieEndicott, Is n

’t it hard to realiz e tha t all these

houses are full of human bein gs who feel a s

necessary to the world as we feel ; an d who are

all c arryin g a n u n fin ished novel around withthem, an d just a s much interested in their storyas we are in oursWhat a queer girl you are her friend

replied, an d Jea n had subsided.

Susie was gifted by nature with those matterof-fact qualities tha t Jean was tryin g to acquireby art. She wa s one of the girls whom Jea nhad envied in the old days. If she could notbe pretty an d bewitching like Elsie, she wou ldra ther be like Susie, with her plea sant face a n dfrank manners, her perfectly commonplace mind,an d her happy temperament. Susie made friendseverywhere, for all she demanded was a humanbeing who wa s not too interestin g. She did notenjoy original people, fin din g them u n satisfa c


tory an d qu eer. Even Alan Nichols was tooindividual to plea se her.She seems to have become rec onciled to him

now,” Jc an reflec ted, as she watched them waltz

ing together.Susie was in faultless even in g dress, whichshowed off her pretty neck a n d arms, an d shelooked the wholesome, whole-souled girl she wa s.

She glanced up every n ow an d then with a smilea t Al an, who towered above her, for Su sie wasshort an d rather stout. Jean wa tched Al an’sface with the double interest of the artist an dthe woman. H e was not as handsome as heused to be, but he was still more distingu ishedlooking. H e did not have a happy expression,an d she could n ot make out whether he felthimself superior to his company an d was takingno pa in s to conceal the fact, or whether he wasun happy for some serious reason . His face wa sone that could never fa il to interest a student inhuman nature, for it held out in defin ite a n d

hafi in g promises.H e might have the grac e to ask me to dance

once,” thought Jean , b u t why should I care if

he does n ’t ? H e is an aggravating person, a n d

I don’t half like him.

”

Yet whether she liked him or disliked himthe fact rema ined tha t for all these years hehad continued to be the hero of her drama , a

40 A LOVER op TE UTH

most unsatisfactory hero, to be sure, playing a

curiously illusive part for a person in thatprominent position, but n evertheless the hero.H e was the hero still ; she was exa sperated tofin d that a n interval of time an d distance hadmade no difference in the effect that his merepresenc e produced upon her.Her thoughts next occupied themselves with

a happy year at the New York Art Leagu e, a n dthen they took a voyage across the Atlanticwith some fellow art students, a miserable,seas ick voyage, when death seemed preferableto life. After that there had come a wonderfuln ew birth in Paris, when the dreams of herchildhood were more than realiz ed, when poetryclothed the very ston es of the streets, a n d thea ir itself seemed full of in defin ab le romance.The spires of Notre Dame, the bridges thatSpanned the Sein e, black-robed priests, lon grows of lights with the Ar c de l’E toile at theend

,hard-working days in her atelier, warm

friendships with other girls, all came rushinginto her mind without sequence or system, blotting out the candle lighted room in which shesat, while the stra ins of a Strauss waltz seemedto blend all these con fused impressions into a

ha rmonious, kaleidoscopic whole. She had a n

acute spasm of homesickn ess for that foreignland. It was all over, her enchanting student

A L OVER OF TE UTH 41

life, while before her was Edgecomb, with itsroutine of qu iet duties, its mild gayeties, an d

c onventional inhabitants, with their strict butnarrow sense of duty a n d their well-regulatedminds.She was rou sed from her reverie by Virginia

M orley, who c ame ac ross the room a n d seatedherself in the va c ant place by her side whereAl an ought to have been.

I m going to keep this seat for George,she announced. H e is depending upon dancin g with you. H e had to be late to-night, because there is a town-meeting ; he

’s getting to '

be quite a public character.”

I ’m glad to hear it,” sa id Jean .

Don’t you fin d Edgec omb thrillingly exciting ? Virg inia continued vivaciously. Itmust seem so lively a n d satisfying after yourstudent life in Pa ris. Is n ’

t this the correctthin g to say ? You must be in a mood to apprec iate the joys of a dull little country town ,

where people don’t know or care anything aboutart.

”

Jean laughed, an d found Miss Morley re

freshing. Contact with a larger world had

taught her that there are worse things than thesociety of an amusin g woman, even if her voicean d manner do jar on your nerves.My dea r, I hope you have come home in

42 A LOVER OF TRUTH

a properly domestic frame of mind, Virg iniawent ou . Art is all very well in Paris, buthousework suits the Edgecomb ladies much better. To wind up with, there is always thehappy marriage that is utterly unsuited to girlswho pa int, because they are so unpractical, b u tthat is the j u st reward of the thoroughly ,domestic .

”

Heaven forbid ! Jean excla imed fervently.

I ’ve been all through the mill, sa id Virginia , a n d as I have no talents I tried beingproperly domestic, but even that fa iled to bringthe prince. I don’t despa ir yet, although he

’s

a little late in coming, as I’m n ow thirty-two.

By the way , the dear Edgecomb lad ies seem toforget that we can’t all be married unless wetu rn Mormons. I once suggested Polygamy asa solution when M rs. Ben tley was bemoa n ingthat there were so many old ma ids in town, a n dshe looked so shocked ! You look shockedtoo.Do IYes, you often make me feel as if I

’ve been

hopelessly vulgar when I ’ve merely tried to befunny

,but I love you just the same. What do

you suppose I have gone into as a little interlude before the prince comes ? Philanthropy !Never try it, never ! It is absorbing, to besure, a n d you have the satisfaction of knowing


that the M rs. Bentleys of the world approveof you, but you never by an y chan ce get theapproval of the class you are trying to help.

As Miss Morley talked, Jean glanced fromtime to time at Alan Nichols, a n d noticed witha little pang that when he wa s able to claimElsie his {w e brightened perceptibly.

H ow well your cousin is looking to-night,Virg inia sa id, following Jean

’s eyes. She al

ways makes me think of a Shetland pony, sheis so little an d complete, an d will never growan y more.

”

Mentally a n d morally you meanYes.”

I don’t agree with you. I am su re we c an

a ll of u s grow.

”

You c an . You will keep on growing to theen d of the chapter, a n d I c a n predict that youwill be more charming as a woman of seventythan as a g irl of twenty.

”

Thank you ; but seventy seems a good whileto wa it.”

H ow naughty of you, my dear ! you knowperfectly well tha t you are charming n ow. Ifyou cou ld hear what George says here hec omes.”

While she was abroad, George Morley hada lmost slipmd out of Jean

’s recollection, butsince her return she ha d found him a plea sant


element in her life. H e seemed you nger thanshe, although he was in fact two years older.H e did not share an y of her interests, but hewas so cheerfu l an d sunny that it was impossible not to like him, althou gh she knew thathe had the reputation of being a great flirt,a n d was equ ally pleasant to every girl in Edge

You see I have been wa iting for you. Icould not think of dancing before you came,Jean sa id, with a smile, as George led her off

for a waltz . H e always made her feel lighthearted a n d frivolous.That wa s very good of you.

Of course you kn ow I mean nobody hasa sked me to dance. It is natu ral, however, tobe a wallflower in Edgecomb, an d to have youcoming to my rescue. I have n ’t forgotten thatyou used to be very good to me at dan cingschool.”

Jean was quite unconscious that several pa irsof eyes were following her with interest.W ho is that tall, dark, striking-lookin g girl

in the white dress with the red flowers, waltz in gwith George Morley one of the summer visitors a sked.

Jean R ey c roft, M r. Thorndyke’s granddaughter. She has just come home from studying art abroad.

”


I will leave it to her, for I am as su re of herword as of George W ashington’s.”

She was flattered to fin d that he had n ot forgotten that far-away conversation, which wasindelibly impressed in its every sen tence uponher memory

, a n d althou gh she was an gry withhim for ignoring her until she had ceased tobe a wa llflower, she could not help a sudden exhilaration of spirits, while the dreary evenin gbecame fu ll of delightful possibilities.It is good to think that you have come back

to Edgecomb to live,”Alan began, after he had

ensconced her in the music-room an d broughther some supper. I suppose it seems plea santto you

"

to be at home aga in.

” This was the tiresome remark that everybody made.

I t is delightfu l to be with my grandfatheran d Helen,

” she replied. Only Paris is a

little more varied than Edgecomb .

Yes, you must fin d it du ll here. I shou ld,if I could choose between Edgecomb an d Europe.In fact, I do fin d it dull n ow, horribly, depressin gly du ll.

”

Thank you.

H e gave her a n amused look, a n d began to

You must tell me all about your life inParis,

” he sa id ; it has always been one of mydreams to go abroad.

A LOVER OF TRUTH 47

Where would you go first she a sked, a n din a moment the tables were turned, a n d he,

who had never crossed the ocean, was giving hera full account of all that he would like to see,while she, who had seen so much, was silent.I have at least learned the art of drawing

him out,” she thought with satisfaction, tinged

with malice. She had the plea sure of seeinghim more anima ted than he had been at a n y

time durin g the evenin g. Suddenly she glancedacross the room, an d saw an expression on hercousin’s face that made her sure her plea suremeant Elsie’s pa in. It was gone in a moment,an d the next instant Elsie was laughing an d

cha tting merrily with George Morley.

How pretty your cousin looks this evening,said Alan. I shou ld n ’t have supposed yellowwou ld suit her so well.”

Yes, it is very becoming to her.Elsie, seeing Al an

’s eyes fa stened upon her,redoubled her gayety.

She is an unconscionable little flirt, hemuttered.

Jean looked up with a smile. I f I shouldspeak the absolute tru th

,you believe in , what doyou suppose I shou ld sayThat you don’t quite approve of you r fasci

nating cousin.

No I shou ld own that I should like nothing

48 A LOVER OF TRUTH

so much a s the power to be an u nconsc ionableflirt myself.

You could n ’t be if you tried, a n d youwould n ’t be if you could.

Yes, I would be, but I know I can’t. I

believe all girls are frivolous inside, an d it ismerely a qu estion of the way one looks a n d

oppom ity

I agree with you that we are all more alikethan appears on the surface. Some of ourfriends have a little more skill in disguisingtheir thou ghts, that is all . They are the conven tion al persons who never su rprise u s, becausethey have been drilled to repress their emotions,but probably inside they are qu ite as heterodoxas you an d I .

”

It pleased her to be cla ssed with him. An d

yet there are always stupid people a n d intelligent people,

” she went on , following out theargumen t. That makes an impa ssable b arrier apart from tra ining.

”

I ’m glad we are in telligent, he sa id, forthere are n ’t too many of u s in Edgecomb. An d

if we are tru thfu l , too, if we say wha t we reallythink, we c an get a grea t deal of pleasure outof each other’s society.

”

Even if we fin d life du ll, horribly, depressin gly du ll, she reminded him.

I su spect that you have never found an y

A LOVER OF TRUTH 49

place depressingly du ll in your whole life, hereturned. You carry your own atmospherearound with you.

”

At this point the mu sic stru ck u p, an d

ha stily rose.I beg your pardon, but I am engaged for

this dance.A moment la ter he wa s waltz in g with Elsie,

a n d the rest of Jean’s evening was a blan k.

DUR I NG the years that Jean was in Europe,Alan had been on ly a vagu ely interesting figu reentirely outside her own life, but now she couldnot help feelin g a thrill of excitement whenevershe passed him on the street. His characterpuz z led her by its contradictions, but there wa salways a fascination in its study which camefrom hi s varying moods, for he sometimes talkedto her as if they were intimate friends with a

common kn owledge of life an d the world, an d thevery next day he wou ld ignore her completely.

It did not occur to her to try to keep herthoughts from Alan Nichols, for she was so sureshe should not fall in love with him ; to beginwith, she saw his faults too pla in ly, a n d in thesecond place, she was too much interested in herpa inting.

She told herself she had what might betermed the unmarried temperament, for she wasso indifferent to the hopes an d occu pations ofthe average woman. Nevertheless what Alanthought, what he sa id, a n d what he did were ofmore consequence to her than anything but her

A LOVER OF TRUTH 51

work. She had days of putting him en timout of her mind an d becoming absorbed in herpa intin g, with a pleased certa inty tha t it was farmore important to her than an y man could everbe, but there were other times when she wasdepressed about her pictures an d went over a n dover aga in all her conversations with Alan.

Their bu lk was increasing rapidly, a n d therewou ld soon be enough of them to fill a volume.Most interestin g of all was a talk they had onesummer afternoon. There had been a picnic onthe shores of the river, a n d the other young peo

ple had strolled away, leaving Jean bu sy with asketch, an d Alan la z ily watching her.Those willows are a very attractive subject,

he began.

I am glad you like it. I am making someillustrations for a book for children that one ofmy friends haswritten .

”

Tha t is good. I shall want to see themwhen they come out. There is nothing in theworld I should lik e so much a s to write a book.

”

Do, an d I will illustrate it.”

Tha t would be charming. Do you knowI have had a maga z ine article accepted ? It isnot particu larly promisin g from the pictoria lpoint of view, a n d I am afra id you would fin d

it du ll. The subject is the Corruption in CityGovernments.’


Jean’s interest was su ffic ien t to make himproceed with a detailed a ccou nt of his n ews,an d then the talk drifted from politics in thiscou ntry to politics in England, a n d to Meredith

’spolitica l novel, Beauchamp’s Career,

” whichJean had ju st read, by Alan

’s recommendation .

H e draws superb women, glorious women,he sa id. Only they

,make you dissatisfied with

the flesh a n d blood types in actual life. R enée,Cecilia , R osamu nd an d Jenny ; Clara Middleton

,Lucy, R hoda Fleming, what a galaxy !

I could fall in love with an y one of them. Hown oble they are ! How absolutely reliable a n d

true ! I could never fall in love with a womanin whom I had not en tire c on fiden c e.

Could n ’t you ? I should say tha t reliabilitywas n

’t a tra it that men usually fall in love

with.

”

I grant tha t unreliable women have a certa incharm H e glanced at Elsie an d George Morley as he spoke. They were sitting on the otherside of the river, under a n elm-tree, an d Elsie,all in white, was letting George fan her withher broad-brimmed hat, while she glanced up athim With a look of child-like absorption.

I don’t care for charm in a woman , Alanwent on brusquely. I don’t even insist onbeauty in my ideal. All I a sk is tha t she shallhave a certa in amount of personal attraction,


watching Elsie an d George, who had risen an dwere walking slowly across the old stone bridge .They paused ha lf-way over, an d stopped to leanon the parapet an d to look down into the la z ystream. Jc an thought that she had n ever seenanything more pa intable than Elsie in her whitegown, bareheaded, with the summer sunlightfallin g on her golden ha ir, an d the summer colorin her cheeks. She looked like a Dresden-chinashepherdess as she stood there swing ing herLeghorn hat with its garland of pin k roses.

Look a t her,” sa id Jc an , an d tell me if

a living, breathing girl is n’t worth all the hero

ines in booksAl an did not answer ; he had grown suddenly

absorbed in Jean’s sketc h of the willows.Will you promise to send me a copy of the

book when it comes out ? he a sked her.No, for I shall probably have only one

copy.

”

Will you lend it to me then ? You don’tkn ow how interested I am in your work.

”

Elsie an d George fl are coming nearer an d

nearer.Perhaps I will lend it to you if you really

care to see it.Jc a n has been telling me about the illustra

tions she is makin g, Al an observed to Georgea n d Elsie a moment later.

A LOVER OF TRUTH 55

How perfectly thrilling ! excla imed Elsie.I have n ’t been talking to George about an ythin g half so interesting.

”

She an d George passed on , lookin g pleasedwith each other to the point of exaggeration.

Those two are well matched,” sa id Alan.

After this Jc a n often pictured to herself thesort of woman with whom Alan would eventu allyfall in love, who, it was safe to predict, wouldnot closely resemble his ideal. She hoped itwould be many years before he found her, an dthat meantime

.

his friendship for herself wouldhave sure an d solid foundations. After all, thetwo best things in life were work a n d friendship; She was very happy, an d lived continu ally in a dream . There are some persons towhom the world is a lways a place full of freshinterest. They may be blue or sad, but theyare almost never bored. Jean belonged to thisclass. If she lost a tra in, or reached a concerttoo early, instead of fuming at her wasted timeshe at once began to form schemes for futu rework, or else entered a land of fa n cy whereAlan was a lways wa iting. She wondered

,sup

posing she could know the cla ss of subjects withwhich her friends busied themselves at suchtimes, if she would be a s much surprised a s

they would he could they see into her mind.

There was one delightful never-to-be-forgotten


aftern oon, when she reached the station, after aday of shopping in Boston, ju st too late for thetra in she had intended to take.

“ I have almost an hour to wa it,” she sa id,

with a sense of lu xurious comfort. I shallhave time, yes there really will be time to readAlan’s article.”

She bought the maga z ine in which it appeared,in a shy way , with a half-guilty feeling, an d

then settled herself in a corner of the dingywa iting-room in the Fitc hburg station, thin kin gthat life could hardly offer anything more delightfu l . The subject, Corruption in City Governmen ts, was not particularly promising, butif she had been reading an exciting romanceJean’s atten tion could not have been moresecurely cha ined. Sometimes she had to reada paragraph over two or three times before u n

derstan din g it, but the mere look of the wordson the page gave her plea sure. It must be confessed that the average reader would have foundit a dry article, but Jea n exulted in every fragment that could be termed interesting, an d whenshe came to the patriotic words at the end, felta glow of pride a n d happiness in having theauthor for a friend. Time sped by . She wasunaware of its passage ; she did not see the peo

ple arou nd her, an d for moments together for

got where she was. She had entered a‘

world


of noble sentiments, where politician s gloried inserving their country, with no thought of personal ends. She was happy with the imperson alhappiness which comes when, setting self a side,we rejoice in the grea t scheme of things

,in the

possible good that at such moments seems a

rea sonable hope. At last she bethought herselfto look at the clock. She had missed a secondtra in ; an d there would not be another for anhour. Well, what did it ma tter It was verystupid of her, she admitted, but she never oncecon sidered it a waste of time. Were those moments when one was granted a glimpse into anideal world so frequent tha t one must mea surethem by trivia l earthly standards ? When Jc anfin ally went to her tra in she left her maga z inein the waiting-room ; for although her feelingfor Al an was merely that of cool an d somewhatcritical friendship, she preferred not to haveHelen know of her purchase, for her sister hadone of those simple minds not capable of gra sping subtilties of thought out of the commoncou rse, a n d although she would say nothing, forHelen could a lways be relied upon, she mightthinkIt was growin g dark when Jean’s tra inreached Edgecomb, which wa s twenty miles fromBoston

, a n d as she stepped out on the platformshe noticed Alan’s tall fig u re just ahead of her.

58 A LOVER OF TRUTH

His sister Annie wa s beside him limping painfu lly, holding a shopping-b ag in one hand an d

two large bundles in the other.Alan, don

’t you want to ca rry these bundlesfor me she asked fretfu lly.

I don’t want to,” he retu rned irritably, but

I will. Give them to me . W hy women a lwayscontrive to accumulate so many bundles whenthey go to town I can

’t imag ine.”

Jea n had intended to join them, but n ow shedrew back, feeling as if she had received a shockof cold water.There are some disadvantages in always tell

ing the whole truth,” she thought.

When the book conta ining Jean’s illustrations was published, Al an at once a sked to seeit. H e said so much on the subject tha t shefin ally promised to lend it to him ,

on conditionthat he wou ld send it back after a day or two.

She was flattered that he should feel an interest in her work, a n d she pictured him glancin gover the book with something of the feeling shehad had when she read his article. Days wentby , however, an d Alan did not return it. Jeanhad promised to lend the volume to severa lfriends, a n d when a fortnight had pa ssed shefelt she must ask him for it, an d had just dec ided to write to him when she met him not farfrom his house.

A LOVER OF TRUTH 59

Good afternoon, he sa id. It is a longtime since I have seen you.

”

Yes. By the way , Alamcou ld you, without too much trouble, let me have my bookback I have promised to lend it to Mrs.Shimmin an d Mrs. Bentley.

You r book he inquired blankly.

Yes my illustrations that you asked tosee.I ’m a shamed to say that I had forgotten

all about them The parcel came one nightjust as I was going out, a n d I la id it a side an dnever thought of it from that moment to this.If you are in a hurry for it I will run in andget it now. I shou ld like time to look at theillustrations carefully, however, so if you don

’tmind I will keep it a day or two longer.

”

I wou ld ra ther have it now, please. Youc an see the illustra tions in two minutes ; thereon ly six of them.

”

I have n ’t offended you, have I ? You don’t

kn ow how an xiou s I am to see the drawings,but I have grown horribly absent minded oflate, an d often forget the thin gs I care mostabout.”

You have n ’t ofien ded me in the lea st.Ala n went into the house for the book an d

overtook Jean presently. H e had evidentlymade a hurried examination of her illustration

'

s.

A LOVER OF TR UTH

Your sketches are very charmin g, he sa id.

I shall buy the book for one of my smallcousins at Christma s, an d then I shall havetime to look at it carefully.

”

After Al an left her, Jean reviewed the situwtion an d made up her mind that he had neverhad the smallest interest either in her or herwork. H ad the cases been reversed, an d had helent her a book that he had illustrated, howeagerly she wou ld have withdrawn it from itswrapper an d given one quick, comprehensiveglance at the contents, before going to her en

g agemen t, saving it for a more careful scru tinylater. To be sure, men were far busier an d morepreoccupied than women, but making everyallowance she reasonably could, she was forcedto give up her dream of being a friend who wasin the least necessary to his happiness. She was

glad she was n ot in love with him, for then itwould have been much harder to bear.All her other friends a n d acqua intances werecordial in their appreciation of her illustrations.Something concrete an d ma rketable appealed tothem. Illustrations for which money had beenpa id were a very different matter from a picturethat had been exhibited in the Paris Sa lon butnever sold. The same aftern oon that Jc a n re

c eived the stab from Alan, she had an ex peri

ence which ought to have soothed her wou nded

6 2 A LOVER OF TR UTH

the world that man , so superior to mere matter,cou ld nevertheless pass away into the unknown,leavin g the dreary stamp of his ! individual itybehind him. When George came back, she hadher eyes fix ed on a marble mantelpiece on whichstood a n impossible clock.

Is n ’t it hideous he asked, as his eyes fol

lowed hers.Wha t she inquired, startled to fin d tha t

he had read her thoughts.The whole room. It makes me ill every

time I come in to it but Virginia likes to leavethings as they were .

One grows fond of things for so manforent rea sons,

” Jean returned sympathetically.I c an understand Virginia’s love for this room.

There is so much in a place where people wec are for have been, besides the furniture.

”

Nevertheless it is frightful,” George ma in

tain ed with conviction ; I have always felt itvaguely, but whenever I have been at your houseI kn ow it. I don’t see how you contrive to makethat studio of you rs so homelike, with ju st a fewhits of bright drapery an d a couple of rugs.”

“ I am glad you fin d it homelike. I remember you had to sit on the wood-box tlfe la st timeI had an afternoon-tea .

”

“ Jean, I’ve been meaning to go to see you

for the la st week, to tell you how much I like

A LOVER OF TRUTH 6 3

your illu strations. I have bought half a doz enof the books to send to some little boy friendsof mine. It must be delightful to be able todraw like that an d please everybody. By theway , would you mind writing your name in on eof the copies The little boy who is to have itwould va lue it so much more.”

I shall be very glad to write my name in

She sat down at an ugly writing-table with a.vivid green cover, an d he brought her the bookan d stood watching her as

‘she wrote JeanReyc roft, in a hand that was as individual asherself. It was distinct

,with more character

than style, an d it slanted backwards a little,although not enough to make it a backhandedwriting. As she sat there in her gray gown,the one restful bit of color in the discordantroom, she had the unconscious charm of thewoman who has grown to have a measure bothof beauty an d grac e without realiz ing how muchshe has changed. The greater harmony of herinner nature showed itself in her expression .

Her dark eyes had a n ew softness in them, an d

her smile, which was not frequent, was a s wel

come when it came as the occasional flashes ofsunshine on a gray day . There was a pic tu r

esqu en ess rather than style about her dress, a n dwith all her absorption in her profession she

6 4 A LOVER OF TRUTH

had a certain mingled sweetness an d seriou snessof character that made her very human. Shewas a woman who suggested unlimited possibilities to the persons who were in sympathy withher, while those who were not cou ld never u nderstan d why she was called charming, for theydid not think her pretty, an d had never heardher say one c lever thing.Now the date,

” sa id George, as she fin

ished.

If it is to be given away at Christmas, Isuppose you want me to put December 25th ? ”

No, to-day , please.She wrote November 3oth , an d then, as a

vision of some curly headed little boy came before her, she a sked what sort of child was to

H e is a very well-meaning boy, sa id George,but the kind of fellow who is pretty sure to

go through life never getting what he wantsmost.”

Poor little soul . You can’t always tell, howover, how children will grow u p. I used to bethe kind of child who never got what I wanted,an d n ow I am a very contented person.

I wish you were n ’t so contented.

”

How u nkind of you ! WhyBecause it wou ld put you more on a lsvel

with other people.’

A LOVER OF TE UTH 6 5

B u t you certa inly are happy. I a lwaysthink of you as the happiest person I know, farmore so than I am . You need n ’t grudge memy small crumbs of content. They have beenwon by hard work.

”

At this point Virginia came rustling into theroom, in a brocaded gown of a gaudy pattern ,which fitted her marvelously a n d showed off

her fin e fig u re to perfection. She seemed com

pletely in harmony with her en vironmen t.When the worst of the shower was over an d

Jc an at last rose to go, George went to get a numbrella for her.Tha t room will always seem more homelike

n ow, he sa id simply.You are very kind to say so, said Jc an ,

an d she wondered why it wa s that the men wholiked her best were always those to whom shewas indifferent.

A FEW days after Christma s; as Jean was

coming ou t of the postoflic e, she was joined by

I suppose you were quite prepared for thenew engagement Virginia began. It hasbeen a great su rprise to the rest of u s.

The new engagement Jean repeated

Yes. You don’t mean to say it is n’t out ?

Excuse me if I have been indiscreet, an d pleaseforget what I have sa id.

”

W ha t engagement do you meanWhy, your cou sin

’s.”

There must be some mistake. I f Elsiewere engaged, I am sure she wou ld have told methe first thing.

I shou ld have sa id so, an d yet I had itstra ight from Annie Nichols. She told me thather brother was engaged to Elsie Thorndyke.”

Jean had a strange feeling at her heart. Shewas conscious that something was happening toher face. Her mouth was unsteady, she wasshowing Virginia wou ld imagine what

A LOVER OF TR UTH 6 7

wou ld she not M agine The tru th Butwhat was the truthIf it is so,

” Jean sa id in a cold, constra inedvoice, Alan is to be warmly congratulated, forElsie is a dear little thing.

”

Yes, an d yet not at all the sort of g irl Ishou ld have thought he wou ld have cared for.She is so frivolous, an d he is so grave. H e isso absorbed in politics, an d she is so fea therbra ined.

As soon as Jean could -escape from Virginiashe went home, an d going up to her studio be

gan to work on a n u n fin ished illustra tion . At

la st she pu t it down a n d went over to the window,looking out at the white fields of snow, with thehill stretc hing away a t her left, an d at the summi t the slender white spire of her grandfather

’smeeting-house. Very cold an d desola te theprospect looked.

I don’t believe it, she said to herself morethan once.An d yet, as she reviewed the events of the

la st six months, she had a g rowihg certa intythat thi s astonishing story wa s tru e. Alan’socca sion a l strin gent criticisms of Elsie, his overempha tic pra ise of tru th, his indifference to herself, his fits of preoccupation, all pointed to thefact that he had been tryin g to ignore a feelingtha t his judgment did not approve, which had


grown strong enough at la st to sweep him ofi hisfeet.They are totally unsuited to each other,

she thou ght over a n d over aga in. They c a nnever be happy. Why, even I , fau lty an d u n

practical as I am, even I wou ld have made hima far better wife .”

It was revealed to her with the clearness ofa flash of lightning how well she cou ld love ;how she had it in her to give devotion in u n

stinted mea sure, u n selfish afiec tion that a skedlittle in return. H ow it was in her to give upher individual life an d throw herself into theinterests of the man she loved . If they areengaged they will never be married, she sa id toherself at la st. Elsie wou ld mind his faultstoo much. H e is very faulty, oh, why can

’tI thin k of his fau ltsThere came a light tap on the stu dio door.Jc an ,

” ca lled a soft voice, may I come inHelen told me to walk right u p.

”

Jeau sat down hastily at her table an d beganto work on her illustration . Come in , Elsie,

”

she sa id indifferently.

Elsie was dressed in a dark blue velveteengown an d jacket trimmed with ermine, an d a

Ga insborough hat with dark blue ostrich feathers. The win d had given her a bright coloran d blown the little gold c u rls about her fore


thought he wou ld be sure to fall in love withyou

,for you know such a lot, a n d c an talk to

him so intelligently, which I never c an . An d Ithought he ’d make you care for him 1n time .H e was sure I did not like him. Fancy ! WhenI ’ve been in love with him ever since I was inpinafores ! H e thought I liked George Morley !George Morley, indeed ! As if he could holda candle to Alan ! I said something to Alanabout you once, when I was very miserable, an dhe sa idNever mind what he sa id, Elsie.

”

But I must tell you, because it was something very nice. H e sa id you were made forfriendship, but not for love. Well, that is a

g reat dea l more sensible, I know, b u t somehowI ’d ra ther be the fool I am . How I do go onI know you think me a driveling idiot

“ No, I don’t,

”an d Jea n added, to Elsie

’sintense astonishment, I am sure there is nothing in life so much worth while as being inlove with some one who loves you, an d I thinkyou are a very lucky girl, a n d I ’m glad Alana n d I are such good friends, a n d she endedby flin ging her arms about Elsie’s neck an d

kissing her.Jc a n , have you gone cra z y ? Elsie a sked,

half laughing, half cry ing, as she disengagedherself from her cousin’s embrace.

A LOVER OF TRUTH 71

No, I’m only glad you are so happy.

After Elsie’s departure, as Jean stood in thedeepening twilight, she wondered if this weretru e. Something of the desolation she had feltas a little girl, when she had la in in sleeplessmisery, tortured because Alan liked Elsie best,came over her, a n d she had a sense of rebellionin reflec tin g that physical charms were so all

powerful, even with serious, sensible men. Butshe was not as wretc hed as she had been when achild, for she no longer wanted to be an y otherthan herself. Her love for her work precludedthat. A great love for work, like a great lovefor a human being, brings with it somethinggood, which cancels all pa in, an d makes its possessor glad, in Spite of everything, to be himself.It g rew darker an d darker, until the plastercasts in Jean’s studio seemed like ghosts starin gat her. It grew still da rker, u ntil even theghosts faded out of sight.Supper is ready,

” called Helen’s cheerfu lvoice . Are you sitting in the dark, Jea nI fancied you were hard at work, an d I wou ldnot di sturb you until the la st minute, althoughI was dying to talk over Elsie’s engagement.Is n ’t it amaz ing ?No. I can’t say it is. The more I think

about it, the more I won der I did not expect itall along .

72 A LOVER or TE UTH

Dr. Reyc roft dropped in to tea . H e was a

man who ra iled at marriage, an d a new engagement was always a source of fresh annoyance tohim.

Fools, fools, double—dyed fools he began .

Why don’t people know when they are well offI can’t see how a n y girl who has a comfortablehome c an ever wan t to get married. I met yourcousin this afternoon,

” he continued, turning toJean , an d I told her pla inly tha t I thoughther an idiot at her age to tie herself down .

”

Uncle James,” sa id Helen, I am sure

you are tremendously sentimental underneath,a n d are afraid of letting you rself go, or youwou ld n ’t be so bitter. I kn ow that with everynew engagement you are really enviou s of thehappy man .

”

The doctor looked at her sharply with hispenetrating eyes. Then he smiled. I am

profou ndly an d deeply gratefu l that I am notin it,

’ he announced.

Now,I am willing to acknowledge that I

always wish I were in it,’ Helen assured him

serenely. I am a thoroughly sentimenta l person

, an d when I see two people in love, I alwayswish there wa s some one in love with me. Thatis why I enjoy you so much, grandfather,

”an d

she turned to M r. Thorn dyke with one of herbright smiles.

A LOVER OF TRUTH °

73

Poor Helen ! it is hard that one of you rsentimental turn of mind shou ld have to put upwith an old grandfather an d an old uncle.”

But that is pa rt of the charm of it,” Helen

asseverated. Younger men thin k me qu iteold. You know one is n ’t exac tly a young girlat thirty-two,

”an d she appea led to Dr. R ey

croft. B u t you a n d my grandfather make mefeel as if I were eternally young an d eternallycharming.

So you are, sa id Jean. You are a greatdeal younger than I am, a s well as in fin itely

more charmin g. Uncle James an d I know theworld,

” she went on . We have discoveredthat our dolls are stuffed with sawdust ; so wetry to be cynical, don

’t we, Uncle James As

I am never goin g to marry, either, some day Iwill keep house for you.

”

Good heavens, Jean , her uncle excla imedin pretended horror, that wou ld be a calamityindeed ! To have an u npractical dauber in oilstra iling her possessions arou nd my houseI should take your offic e for a studio, she

proceeded calmly. I have always wanted oneon the ground floor ; an d I wou ld u se all myspare time in taking likenesses of you. I wou ldtry all processes, charcoal, oils, water-colors,a n d pa stels.

”

I should be forced into ma trimony in self

74 A LOVER OF TRUTH

defense, or better still , I should tu rn matchmaker a n d marry you off to the first high-tempered man who came along. By the way , mar

riage would be good discipline for you, youngwoman ; it wou ld take down your confoundedpride.”

My confounded pride I am so humbleminded I don’t even kn ow what you mean.

”

Yes, your confounded pride. You knowyou think you are a great dea l cleverer thana n y man in Edgecomb, letting alone the women .

”

Indeed I don’t.”

You consider that having had your picturesexhibited in a Paris saloon (her uncle alwayswillfu lly insisted upon adopting this pronunciation! is such an honor that you won

’t speak tothe likes of u s. I a lways hoped your careerwould be blighted by adversity. People whohave fa iled are so comfortable to have around.

They are like an atrociously ugly person, theymake u s conten ted with ourselves, but you are

that cocky with your oils a n d charcoa ls an dvarnishes an d middle-foregrounds that there isno living with you.

Uncle James, when will you give me an othersitting ?

On the day of my wedding.

Then you W ill force me into turning matc h

A LOVER OF TRUTH 75

maker. R eally, U n c le James, you have no ideahow di sting u ished you are going to look.

”

“ I um too old a bird to be cau ght with flat

But tru ly, I do so hate to have to do therest of my picture from memory, when I havethe honor to be niece of the dear original .Get alon g with you ! An abode in foreign

lands has not improved your man ners. You

used to ha ve the u n varnished sin c erity of theR ey c rofts.

”

It is probably my contact with varn ishestha t has improved my manners. You kn ow youused to ha te me when I adopted plain, n u varn ished sincerity.

”

You were a very unattractive little girl.An d you were a very disagreeable man .

But that was a great many years ago. I ap

peal to Helen. W as n’t he a very disagreeable

man

W as n’t she a very u nattractive little g irl

I always fou nd you both perfec tly delightfu l, Helen replied impartially.

When the doctor went away that evening,Jean insisted that he should kiss her good-night.This she always mi schievously required, simply,as she expla ined to him, bec ause she knew hedisliked it so mu ch, but to-night he did not seemto dislike it. H e looked at her thoughtfu lly a

76 A LOVER OF TRUTH

moment an d observed, Jean , you are gettingto be quite a pretty g irl.Thank you,

” she answered demurely ;I have no dou bt I shall tu rn out fa irly well.Virginia Morley told me she thought I shou ldbe quite charming at seven ty.

Dr. R ey c roft had never taken anything but aperfunctory interest in his niece so long as shehad rema ined. a shy, awkward girl. H e was oneof those men who distrust charm in women, butlike most of his cla ss he did not take the slightest interest in a woman un less she had charm.

Wh en his niece had come back from abroad,self-possessed a n d frankly fond of him, his feelings underwent a sudden change, an d it endedin their becoming excellent friends. They weretoo reserved to reach each other on the moreserious side, b u t they had a charming surfacecongeniality, an d that pecu l iar likeness in humor which is more often a bond than likenessin religion .

That night, when Jean went up to her room,

she sa id to herself, There is one comfort : theydon’t suspect that I am not plea sed by Elsie’sengagement.”

It was not so much persona l disappointmentshe felt, she a ssured herself ; it wa s more thesense of flatn ess an d u n profitab len ess in ac tuallife that comes over one after closing an exciting

78 A LOVER or TRUTH

an d Elsie’s mother, together with Mrs . Shimmin , Mrs. Bentley, an d Susie Endicott were sitting primly aga inst a background of roses. Elsiehad not as yet come down, an d there was thestiffness in the whole company that was apt to

overtake those un lucky individu a ls who foundthemselves in Alan’s society when he was not ina responsive mood.

Now I must do the thing, thought Jean ,

her New En gland conscience not permitting herto wa it for a more favorable opportunity. Shewalked up to Al an an d shook hands with himcoldly. Her careless words concerning his idealdied on her lips. They cou ld not be uttered b efore all those witnesses, an d she knew n ow thatshe

,

should never have the courage to say them,

for the actu al Alan was too formidable to betreated so lightly. She wondered at her pasttemerity.

I congratulate you on your engagement,Alan, she sa id stiflly .

Thank you,” he returned without a n y trace

of embarrassment, but even more coldly thanshe herself had spoken.

At this point Elsie came gayly into the room,

an d the atmosphere instantly cleared.

Elsie was not afra id of Al an in an y mood.

TH AT was the last chanc e Jean had of seeingthe lovers together for some weeks, for a fewdays afterwards Elsie came down with scarletfever. Elsie’s mother, a pretty, gracefu l woman,with a positive genius for compla ining, had a

genuine grievance at last, but she was so com

pletely qu a rantined that she was obliged to pourher woes into the ears of the doctor.

,It must

he confessed that a less promising c on fidan t

could not have been found. H e would drop inlater in the day to see Helen an d Jc an , an d

vent his vexation on them.

She ’s the most impossible woman, that auntof yours, the most infernal fool I he would ejacu late. How your uncle ever came to marryher I can’t see. Poor fellow ! It was a mercyhe died young ! Good Lord I what an easy thingit is to be killed in a ra ilroad accident, comparedwith dyin g by slow in ches of a woman

’s tongu e.You don’t get at Aunt Isabel’s best side,

Helen sa id. She has the kindest heart.”

H as she Then deliver me from a kindheart ! She is entirely upset because I won’t

80 A LOVER OF TRUTH

let Nic hols see Elsie. She says a man was n ’tafraid of a little thin g like scarlet fever, whenshe was a girl. I should like to give him a few

points. H ow c an an y ma n in his senses, whohas seen the mother, want to marry the daughter ?I am not su re that it would not be a good planto let Al an visit the widow an d fatherless intheir afl ic tion , an d get cured of his infatuationor die of scarlet fever. Either alternative wou ldbe better than marrying the daughter of IsabelThorndyke.”

A little while ago it wa s Elsie whom youpitied, beca u se she was going to ma rry Alan,

”

Helen reminded him.

So I did, but after having the honor of a nintimate ac qua intance with her mother, I don

’twonder she thinks an y man , no matter how muchof a prig he is, would be a plea sant chan ge.

”

“Al an is n ’t a prig,” sa id Helen.

“ H e ismerely a person of theories ; but life will knockthose out of him. I remember he used to sayhe could never marry becau se he could n ot promise to love a woma n forever. H ow could hetell that his feeling would n ’t changeThere is one clause in the marriage service

that would keep me out'

of matrimony, sa id thedoctor. I could promise to love a womanif she were richer or poorer, a n d in joy an d

sorrow, a n d in health ; but I could not be su re

A LOVER OF TRUTH 81

of myself in sickness. I have seen too much ofsick women ; an d while the characters of some ofthem shine only the more brightly when they areill, there are others of whom I will not speak.

An d the worst of it is you c an never tell whichkind a woman is going to be until she is tried.

”

If I were you,I should expose the lady I

was thin kin g of marrying to diphtheria or sc arletfever, a n d see how she bore the test,

” suggestedJean .

When Mrs. Thorndyke was at last releasedfrom quarantine, she ha stened to the parsonageto tell her grievances to her nieces .My dears,

” she compla ined, you can’t imag

ine how terrible itwas to be so perfectly isolated,shut up with the cook an d a trained nurse an dmy sick child. It was very kind of you to writeto me so often, Helen, on ly it made it all themore aggravating to know of all the things thatwere going on in the ou tside world, while I wasin c arc era ted in my du n g eon . I c an never u nderstan d doctors, they are so unfeeling, an d haveso little common sense. For if a doctor c an goabout without carrying infection, of course otherpeople c an ; those little distinctions are so ah

surd ! If Dr. R ey c roft could come to see u s,

why could n’t Ala n However, Elsie sa id she

was glad he did n ’t see her, for she looked likesuch a fright. So all the poor fellow could do


was to c ome to the window a n d talk to me, an dhe was always in such a hurry, ju st going toca tch a tra in, or on his way to some engagement,so it was n ’t very satisfactory. Then anothersuch aggravating thin g happened. Oi courseAlan could write to Elsie, but she was n

’t allowed

to write to him, suc h nonsense I An d what doyou think ? She had to burn all his letters forfea r of contagion. I call it very hard for a gi rlto have to bu rn her love letters. She says shekn ows them a n by heart, but she may not remember them always. There never were suchu n lucky people as Elsie an d me. I never heardof an y other g irl who had scarlet fever just asshe was en gaged. An d n ow the worst of it istha t having lost all this time Alan is cra z y to bema rried. You kn ow how impatient young menare when they are once engaged H e has a

chance to take an importan t position with a goodsalary in Minneapolis, an d so, a s his fa ther istoo miserly to help him, he is going to g ive upthe law, an d he wants to be married at once,an d carry my on ly child off to the wild Westwith him . Like all men, he has very little consideration for an y one but himself.

”

But really, Aunt Isabel, I don’t see why it

is n ’t the happiest thing that could happen. A

long engagement is such a stra in ; an d Minneapolis is a delightfu l place. Jean an d I havefriends there.”

A LOVER OF TRUTH 83

I have told them tha t if they must be married

,which is foolish enough, for Elsie is on ly

twenty-two, a n d has never had an y care, theyhad better be contented with less an d live on

here with me but that does n ’t suit Alan, a n das Elsie ju st lives a n d breathes in him she

does n ’t see things as I do.Well, Aunt Isabel, it will be very hard for

you to gi ve Elsie u p, but I don’t see but what

you will have to make up your mind to it. Sheis four years older than you were when youwere married.

Yes, but your uncle was nine years mysenior.”

Then he was twenty-seven,just Alan’s age.

Whatever happen s it will be very hard,Mrs. Thorndyke went on pla intively. EitherI shall have to be uprooted, an d torn away fromall my early a ssociations, to follow my dea r childto her new home in the farWest, or else I shallhave to stay behind a n d never have on e ea symoment.”

I think I know which Aunt Isabel’s fatewill b e,

” Helen sa id to Jc an with a smile, whentheir relative had departed.

Jean did not reply at once. She was tryingto adju st herself to the future ; for she had notrealiz ed before how su re she had been that something would occur to prevent this marriage.

84 A LOVER OF TRUTH

I cannot believe that they are really goingto be married,

” she sa id at last, as if wakingfrom a dream.

I f you had seen them together as much asI have, you could. They seem to live only foreac h other.”

Jc an quickly turned her head away an d busiedherself with straightening the books on the parlor table.When I have seen him with her, he has

been quiet an d cold,” she sa id.

That is because you a re so cold you freez ehim . You an d he are both apt to be coldestwhen you feel most. I am so sentimental theyare not afra id to show what they feel beforeme.”

A fortnight later, when Jean was at work inher studio, there came the light tap on her doorwith which she wa s so familiar, a n d Elsie

’s lowvoice called; Jean , darling, may I come in

Oi cou rse,you may ,

”an d this time Jean

gave her cousin a cordial welcome.Jean ,

” Elsie sa id, with a touch of shynessthat was very becoming, c an you gu ess whyI ’ve come to see you this a fternoonI think I c a n . I suppose you are going to

tell me that you are to be married before longYes, in six weeks.

”

How I shall miss you ! An d the worst of

86 A LOVER OF TRUTH

I can’t, Elsie. Please don’t say anything

more abou t it.”

But you must. Al an an d I have decided it.H e is as an xious to have you as I am. I meanto have a church wedding. Don’t you thinkthey are a grea t deal nicerI don ’t know. They are more solemn an d

impressive, certa inly, but a hou se weddin g ismore homelike.”

At this point a masculine voice was heardoutside the half-open door saying, M ay I comein The ma id told me to come u p.

I ’m so glad you ’ve come, Alan, sa id Elsie,for you c an persu ade Jc an to be one of ourbridesma ids. I know you are as anxious to haveher as I am .

I shall be most ha ppy if she will so honoru s, he returned, with a certain stiffness thatmade Jc an su re it was the first he had heardof it.

Jc an likes church weddings best, just as Ido, Elsie continued She feels that a housewedding is n ’t half so solemn an d religiou s.

”

Jc a n saw a cloud on Al an’s face.I ’m sorry to disappoint you, Elsie, he sa id.

But I ’ve told you a great many times thatI have a n insuperable objection to church weddings. A justice of the peace is what I shouldreally prefer,

” he added, with a little smile.


But that wou ld be so shocking ! Especiallywhen I have a dear old grandfather, all readyto marry me. Alan, as I never

’

expect to haveanother wedding, don

’t you think it seems a

little hard that I can’t have the kind I want,in tha t dear old church, with a solemn hush,an d the pew ,

doors trimmed with flowers, an d

my grandfather with his silver ha ir It wou ldall be so impressive an d beautiful.”

It does seem hard,”Al an admitted. But

on the other hand I never expect to have anotherweddin g, either, an d I ha te an y fuss, an d as

I ’ve sa id I won’t have a church wedding I can’t

go back on my word.

”

Can’t you ? I ’m glad I ’m not so terribly consistent. I change my mind twenty times a day .

”

Then why not change it nowA sudden thought came to Elsie. Jc an ,she sa id, if I do have a hou se wedding youwon’t mind being a bridesma id, will you Itis nothing to stand up in a hou seJea n hesita ted a moment. Yes, I

’ll be

bridesma id,” she agreed at last.

After their interview with her was over, Jeanwatc hed Elsie a n d Al an go down the street.Elsie’s face was turned away from her. Shewa s looking up at Alan, an d Jean

’s imaginationcould supply the adoring expression of her eyes.She cou ld see Alan’s fac e as he bent down

88 A LOVER OF TRUTH

toward the little figu re by his side, an d therewas a swift illumination of his usually gravecountenance. Jean withdrew precipitately fromthe window. She was forced to admit that theywere very happy. It was impossible to see whytwo such ill-assorted people had been attractedto each other, but it might be that the charmwould hold. She could not help thinking thathad she been in Alan’s place she cou ld not havefa iled to be disturbed by Elsie’s little diver

gen c es from the truth , an d that were she Elsie,Alan’s quiet in sistence on having his own waywould have troubled her.As the

,day of !Elsie’s wedding drew nearer

an d nearer, Jean did n ot even yet give up thehope that something would happen to preventit. The preparations went on , however, relentlessly. Elsie had yielded point by point toAlan, with a docility that proved she was verymuch in love

,Elsie, who had heretofore gone

throu gh life with her every whim gratified. Theweddin g was to be a home one an d of the veryquietest kind. The two families a n d a doz en ofElsie’s best friends were to be the only guests .The ceremony wa s to take plac e in the evening,a n d the young people were to start at once fortheir new home in the West.At last the day came, a n d Jc an found herselfso busy assisting her aunt an d cousin in their

A LOVER OF TRUTH 89

prepara tions that she did not have time for consec u tive thought. There was an undercurrentof acute depression which never left her, but she°

had grown so accustomed to this that she hardlygave it a thought.When the hour for the weddin g arrived, a n d

Elsie came down sta irs like a radiant vision inher white gown a n d filmy veil, it did not seemlike reality, but some troubled dream. Al ancame forward to meet Elsie

, a n d they took theirplaces in the flower-bedecked bow-window, withtheir backs turned to the world. It wa s a n at

ural part of the dream that she a n d Helenshould be standing there, with Annie Nic holsan d Susie Endicott. Her grandfather, with hissilver ha ir an d face like a benediction, c om

pleted the picture. Jean’s whole attention wasbent on not revea lin g what she felt. She hadthe comfort of being able at will to present aface as expression less as a ma sk. Behind thisdefense she was wont to retreat whenever herfeelings were touched . This evening she stooderect a n d pa le, looking as cold an d un emotionalas a statue.W ha t was her grandfather saying n ow Insickness an d health, in joy a n d in grief, in thevaried changes of this earthly life, so long

you both sha ll live Thewords sounded dreamlike au d unreal. Then came a low I will.”


H ow could men a n d women make these promises knowing so little of the fu ture an d ofthemselves When Elsie’s turn came her voicedid not falter ; her I will was clear an d

stron g. A few minutes la ter it was all over,her g randfather had sa id, Whom God hathjoined together let no man put asu nder,

”an d

they stood there as man an d wife. There wasa little pause, an d then with a pretty, childlike motion Elsie tu rned an d pu t up her fac eto Al an to be kissed. With his dislike of an ypublic display of feeling, Jean was su re that thiswas n ot to his ta ste. There was nothing elseto be done, however, an d he gave her whatVirginia Morley afterwards chara cteriz ed a s

a most punctilious a n d irreproac hable kiss.”

Then Elsie flew about the room in her g ay fashion, without wa iting for her friends to c ome tospeak to her, fin ally selecting Dr. R eyc roft as

her prey.

Come now, you have really got to c on gratula te me,

” she sa id. You must at least g iveme your blessing.

”

My dear you ng lady, I never give myblessing. I don’t keep articles of that kind onhand.

”

Then you must pay me a compliment.Such things are not in my medicine chest,

either:


I don’t love you at all. How well HelenGordon looks to-n ight I For a girl who is pla inshe has the most a ttractive face. She i s reallybeautiful when she is much moved, whereasJean I can’t understand you R eyc rofts. Are

you always as stern as you look I wish youwou ld tell me how you feel inside. As youwon’t give me your blessing an d can’t pay mea compliment, you might do that much for me.See how charmed Fred Hobbs seems to be withHelen ! H e

’s been talking to her like a blue

streak, an d he’s usu ally such a silent, awkward

fellow. Why, Dr. R eyc roft, you look as vexedas if you were in love with her you rself. Oh,how do you do an d she turned to greetGeorge Morley. I have one favor to ask ofyou, George, an d that is that you will be asamu sing as you c a n . Don’t let anybody c ry,

a n d please go an d talk to mamma , an d I wishyou ’d thaw Jc an out. It is dreadful to belongto a family who take things so seriously. Idon’t kn ow what I shall do to-night, with thedoctor an d mamma an d Jc a n an d my husbandall on my hands. I should say , judging by theexpression on Alan’s face, that he was just going to the dentist.”

A few minutes later George was talking toJc an , as she ate her ice-cream in a corner of thedining-room.

92 A LOVER OF TRUTH

Oi a ll ghastly occasions, weddings are theworst, he sa id.

She assented.

I never saw Elsie look so pretty, he contin u ed.

“Yes, she is really beautifu l, a n d she is sohappyf

’

I wonder how those two will hit it off,

George ventured.

I don’t know. Of one thing we may besure nothing will happen at all as we think itwill . Given a story, a n d you c an have someidea of the way things will tu rn out, but inreal life it is always the unexpected that happens.

”

Does it ? I wish it would.

What do you meanI was n ’t thin king of Elsie an d Al an ; I

always have a few little private wishes of myown on hand.

”

Do you ? You don’t look like a person to

indulge in daydreams.”

A little later Jea n was helping Elsie takeoff her wedding gown an d put on her gray traveling dress ; an d soon after, the grave manan d the child-like, laughing g irl took theirplaces in the shabby village hack. The lightstreamed out of the windows an d fell on Elsie’suptu rned face. Clasped tightly in her hands

TH E day after the wedding Jean awoke feelingthat the romance of life had departed an d thatthe dryest of prose was to succeed it. An d yet,even then, she said to herself, I shall get beyond this in time,

” for one of the compensationsin having had an unhappy childhood is the knowledge thu s early ac quired that a monotonou sstretch of road will not continue forever

, an d

that it is possible to outlive dissatisfac tion, disappointment, an d eyen sorrow, in a mea sure.So Jean , although she was depressed, did notdespa ir. She threw herself into her work withfeverish eagerness, an d after a period of lowspirits, it aga in became her grea test interest.She had a plea sed su rprise at every turn of goodfortune, for existence had been so disappointingat the start tha t she had no illu sions to lose, buton the contrary was a stonished to fin d life u nfolding n ew possibilities.It was almost ex c lu sively a feminine worldtha t she lived in at this time, both in Edgecomba n d in Boston, where she went three times aweek to Ilain t an d to give lessons in a friend’s


studio, an d she felt as much at home in it asa school-girl does in her dormitory. Her grandfather an d her uncle su pplied an agreeable mascu line element, an d made George Morley a n d

h is friends seem very unsatisfactory, for theywere not ha lf so good as her grandfather, onthe one hand, or half so clever as her uncle, onthe other. Jean formed two or three warmfriendships with girls, an d a ssured herself thatwomen were far more satisfactory than men.

Her mornings, when she was not in Boston,were always spent in her studio, for it was oneof her chief rea sons for gratitude that she didnot have to give one thought to household cares,but could be as free a s the birds of the a ir.

She would have felt this to be selfish , if Helenhad not been one of the old-fa shioned womenwith a genius for housekeeping. In the afternoon the sisters went for a lon g walk together,or for a drive with their grandfather, comingback in time to furnish five o’clock tea to theiruncle James, or an y other visitors who chan cedto appear. Occasionally Jc an had one or two

gi rls from Boston to spend the night, or Helenan d she would go to town to the semi-Bohemianfestivities given by her friends, while their homeeven ings were always reserved for their grandfather. It was a life full of quiet pleasure, withthe c onstant stimulu s of interesting work, an d

96 A LOVER OF TRUTH

her love for her sister Helen, which was a n

absorbing passion, gave a z est even to her leasteventful days.Helen an d Jc an often read together, an d there

was enough difference in their cast of mind a n deducation to make this always a fresh plea sure,on account of the discussions that were sure tofollow. It wa s invariably the older sister whogave way to the younger in choice of su bject,Helen learning to care for Brownin g a n d Meredith in company wi th Jc an , while she undertookher more solid reading alone.Helen had a genuine interest in everythin g

a n d everybody, an d was in consequence a universal favorite, whereas Jc an was often c on sid

ered cold an d critical. To the few friends whoknew her well , however, there was a n especialcharm in this attitude of aloofness to the generalworld ; it was so flattering to be liked by her.There was one person to whom she revealed herfascinations more fully than to an y other man ,

an d this was her uncle James, but even he wasfrequently exasperated by what he thought hercoolness of temperament. Helen was to himmore lovable an d feminine ; in deed, Helen wasthe only woman he had ever known whom hec on sidered free from the fau lts of her sex.

Dr. R ey c roft could not recall the precise timewhen the possibility of marrying Helen Gordon

98 A LOVER OF TRUTH

pat, for whatever his feline friend’s fau lts might

be, she always had the grace to hold her tongue.His sense of humor usu ally a sserted itself beforehe had gone far in his musings. H ow the deucea ma n who had always decried ma trimony cou ldever have the face to offer himself seriously toa woman who was by no means destitute of asense of humor puz z led him . An d then Helen’sa stonishment would be so g reat. She was notin the least in love with him, an d viewed inthe light of dispassionate common sense he wasobliged to admit that he saw no reason whyshe ever shou ld be, for he was past fifty , a n d hissingularly ugly fa c e had grown no handsomerwith the u n idea liz in g march of years. Sometimes in the rare moments when he had leisurehe amused him self by constructing whimsicalofiers such as these : Helen, you once sa id youthought forty was an age when women did cra z ythings. When you are forty you might marryme. That will give u s both six or seven yearsto get u sed to the idea . Or again, H elen, Iwish you wou ld marry me that is, I thin k I do.

I feel so tod ay ; I may feel difieren tly to-morrow. On ly I don’t want you to fancy that I amgoing to let you make an y difference in my wayof life, for I cannot have you on my mind.

I merely want you where I c an get at you

easily.”

A LOVER OF TRUTH 99

Aga in he indulged in the idea of submittinghis state of feeling frankly to her : Helen, doyou believe that a middle-aged man , who hasnever cared greatly for an y one but himself, an dwho has n ’t the smallest idea of ever giving another person the foremost place in his afiec tion s,could ever make a girl happy, or, what is vastlymore important, su cceed in being happy him;selfH e could hear her answer in her cheery voice,That depends upon the man an d the girl,UncleJames.You an d I , for instanceSometimes Helen would answer, Yes, butoftener she said, No.

” When she sa id, Yes,”

he wa s always conscious of an unplea san t senseof being tied down ; when she sa id No,

” he wasextremely an xious to make her change hermind.

So the months sped by without his putting thesequestions to the actua l Helen. H e went to seeher oftener, however, an d was even more severein his strictu res on fools.The day that Susie Endicott

’s engagement toFred Hobbs was announced, six months afterElsie’s wedding

,the

.doctor chanced to be call

ing at the parsonage.H e

’s made what might be termed Hob

son’s choice,’ he sa id.

Uncle James, what a dreadfu l pu n I Jean

100 A LOVER OF TRUTH

protested . You wou ld be scathing in yoursarca sms if a n y one else had made it.It is no pun . I am merely stating facts.

H e was devoted to Elsie at one time, so hermother tells me, a n d then he tried to ingratiatehimself with you, Jc an , but you froz e him, a n d

then he was awfu lly sweet on you, Helen youknow he was.

”

No, Uncle James, but there is no sayingwhat would have happened if you had notfrightened him away.

”

Of course I frighten ed him away. You areso amiable that it is your impulse to do everythin g that is asked you, an d I was n ’t goingto risk your having the chance to say Yes tohim . If I were to ask you to marry me, I amby no means sure tha t your in nate politenesswou ld not in duce you to say , Yes.

’

Helen an d Jc an both laughed immoderatelyat this speech.

You had better not risk it, Helen observed,with a shake of the head.

Her considering him so entirely out of thequestion piqued his vanity. It is one thing tobe aware of one’s own weak points an d havethem seen by an imaginary Helen, but quiteanother when they are recogniz ed by a realHelen.

It wou ld be hard to state the exact proc ess by


brought in to his life, for a young girl is apt toidealiz e a man older than herself who is good toher. But he had not been good to her he hadbeen absorbed in his profession a n d in himself.He wished some opportunity wou ld occur whichwould enable him to show her his power of devotion . I f only she would fall ill with scarletfever, or, better still, smallpox, tha t would gi vehim a field where his especial talents couldshine ! Helen, however, was always hopelesslywell, so there seemed to be no possibility of hisputting his affection to the proof. In the longrun a man’s care for a woman’s hea lth may beof greater value than his ability to write sonnetsto her, or his sharing her enthusiasm for Browning or Meredith, but the doctor admitted tohimself ruefully that a love for literature wouldserve him better at the present juncture.One aftern oon about a year an d a half after

Elsie’s wedding, Helen an d Jean were sitting together in the studio. It was growin g dusk, a n dHelen drew the curta ins an d lighted the lamp.

Then she put three spoonfuls of tea into thesilver teapot.Helen , you did n

’t put in tea enough, sa id

Jean . Uncle James will be sure to come tonight. H e has n

’t been here for a week. I

can ’t think why he has stayed away so long.H e mu st be very busy.

”

A LOVER OF TRUTH ’ 103

“ Jean , I may as well tell you first as lastthat I had the misfortu ne to hu rt your uncle’sfeelings the other day . We diflfered aboutsomething an d had a disc ussion, a n d well, Iwas n

’t very considerate, an d I ofien ded him .

I am afraid he will not come to see me for along time.”

H ow did you ofien d him, Helen ?I would rather not tell you anything more

about it.

”

But if I on ly knew what the trouble is Iam sure I could set things stra ight. UncleJames has always been as fond of you as if youwere his own niece, an d I can’t imagine an y

thin g really separating you.

You could n ’t help me. It is one of thoseunfortu n ate things that only time c a n cure.Jeau racked her bra ins to thin k what thecause of difference could be, without getting a

glimm erin g of the truth ; the fact being thatDr. R oycroft had fin ally made the plunge an dofiered himself to Helen, who had refused himwith the bald fran kn ess that the most tactful ofwomen are startled into sometimes.It is very provoking,

” Jean said, an d how

we do miss him. H e is a most mi ssable person.

”

Helen was silent.It is curious that we shou ld miss him so

much,” Jean went on , for he is n

’t especially


amiable, or particularly u n selfish or considerate,but he gives you the feeling that the world helives in is made up of large issues ; he is a manwho lives in a man’s world, an d I like to feel myself in touch with something large an d generous .Helen, if you are goin g to

’

take Uncle James outof my horiz on I shall qu a rrel with you ; a n d Iwa s just getting on so well with his portra it I

H e will come to see you on afternoons whenI am doing other things.But it is no fun to see him without you.

You are my second self, an d I don’t half enjoy

anything or anybody without you.”

Jc a n , you are a very foolish girl. I am nota t all the person you thin k me.I don’t care what you are. I love you from

the red head of you to the slim, da inty foot ofyou, every line an d curve, an d I would n

’t alter a

deta il. It is the same with your mind a n d character, they precisely suit me. You are bet

ter than an y woman I know, but that is n’t why

I like you . I am only glad that the woman Ilove should chance to be so fin e. I like you foryour voice an d you r personality, for your turnof min d a n d for your warmth of heart, but beyond that for the something unexpla inable thatis you. I have seen pretty women an d cleverwomen that have n ’t given me anything of thesense of perfect contentment, entire satisfaction,


a talent for being loved, an d others whoare born with a talent for I am in thatclass.”

Jc an , you kn ow I love you dearly.

An d nothing shall ever come between u s ?Nothing shall ever come between u s.

”

ONE snowy afternoon, ten days later, Dr.R ey c roft came to Jean

’s studio. H e had seenHelen going down the street half an hour earlierwith a b ag of work, evidently bound for thesewing-circle, where he su pposed she wou ld staythree hou rs at least.Jean was still at work when her u ncle arrived.

Uncle James an d a fig u re enveloped ina blue pa inting-apron dew across the room, an d

grasped his hand. H ow glad I am to see you !You can’t think how I ’ve mi ssed you ! Comeover here by the fire. How snowy you are !

Here, you must take my seat of honor, you

are such a distinguished stran ger,”

an d shedrew forth a ca rved oak armcha ir with a brownleather cushion.

Her u n c le smiled in a contented fa shion as

he seated himself before the fire.

Did you stay away in order to make theblessing of your presence more appreciatedshe asked him presently.

Perhaps I may have had something of thatsort in view.

I


Well, you have su cceeded. If I was everdoubtful before about the advantages of havingan uncle, I know them all now.

”

She at once brought out his u n fin ished portra it, an d surreptitiously began to work on it,but he was too observant for her.I thought your interest in me was a trifle

profession al,” he remarked grimly.

Plea se turn‘ your head a little more. Thatis it. I want to work until it gets dark. Youc an talk as much as you like. Uncle James,you have several more gray ha irs, it is so longsince you have sat to me, an d two new wrinkles.

”

Jc a n , you need n’t rub in the fact that I am

an old man ; I am only too well aware of it.”

Uncle James I I wa s only in fun. Youare the kind of person who stays the same agea lways. You did n ’t seem very young when Ifirst kn ew you, an d I am sure you will neverseem an y older than you do n ow.

Thank you, Jc an . You have n ’t lost all theR eyc roft sincerity.

”

Wha t have I sa id ? I meant that you willnever seem old. I like people a great dealbetter when they are not very youn g.

She was too reserved to approach the ‘

su b jec tof his rupture with Helen, an d so they talkedof general matters, town news, an d politics.

A LOVER OF TE bTH

I came up on the tra in with Hobbs thisafternoon,

” sa id George presently. H e an d

Su sie seem to enjoy their new house greatly.

”

What Jean thought was, Heaven deliver mefrom hearing an y more about that house. Susiehas only three objects of interest

,her house,

her husband, an d her clothes, an d I am neversure what place to give M r. Hobbs in the list.”

She cou ld better bear to hear about her friend’shouse than of her husband, for the house wascharming, which M r. Hobbs was not. H e was

one of those persons who petrified Jc an , a n d

reduced her to his own level of irreproachablepropriety an d polite commonplaces. What shesa id, however, was, The H ob b ses

’house is verypretty, an d they seem delightq y happy.

”

H'

ow she came to marry that pa ir of tongsI fail to see,

’ grumbled the doctor,who did not

share Jean’s dislike of appearing ill-natured.

An d by the way , is it not a little hard that

those of ou r friends who go through life suppressing their thoughts should have the creditof so much greater amiability than those whogive voice to them ? The persons to be fearedmost, if we only recogniz ed the fact, are n ot theDr. R eyc rofts, who speak more strongly thanthey feel, but the soft-voiced, gentle-manneredJc ans.

For my part, I’m glad to see one attractive


girl who was willing to marry an average man ,

owned George. Fred Hobbs is an honest,stra ightforward sort of fellow, who has neverhad time to go into frill s in the way of art orliterature. B u t that does n ’t prevent his likingthe sort of woman who has had leisure to cu ltivate herself.

”

If you are talking about Su sie Hobbs, youare a little off, the doctor remarked, or elseyou ’ve had a more intimate acqu a intance withthat young lady than I have. I ’ve never seenher posing in the r6 1e of art critic or littérateur.”

N0, but she’s a well educated, charming

girl,” George rejoined, who might easily enough

have thought herself too good for Hobbs, as sheis in fact. We are a ll the in feriors

,fast enough,

of the best women in ou r acquaintance.Hold on there,

” broke in the doctor. I ’mnot. It may not be so picturesque to take careof the sick as it is to pa int pictures, but it

’s a

darn ed sight more u sefBut morallyI’m not with you, even there. A woman is

driven throu gh all the muddy places in life withher skirts well out of the mire ; but is she forthat reason morally the superior of the man whohas had to go through the mud on foot Ifhe gets out of it without much of the smirchsticking to him, I say he

’s her superior.”


I ’m sure that Su sie is happier as SusieHobbs than she ever was as Susie Endicott

,

”

sa id HelenThe doctor tu rn ed an d gave her one of those

witherin g glances with which he was wont tocow a refractory patient. That is exa ctly likea woman,

” he observed irritably, to dodge themain question an d go ofi on a perfectly irrelevantside tack.

”

Helen changed color, an d the tears rose toher eyes, but she resolutely drove them back.

As I have the misfortune to belong to tha tinferior sex, I natu rally do ex a sperating thin gs,like a woman she sa id quietly. I agree withDr. Reyc roft, she continued steadily, in thinking it is much more to the credit of a man , inpolitics or business, if he keeps fa irly honest,than it is to the average woman to keep herstandard high. An d if some of the mu d sticksto him it is not for u s women who are pea cefu llyout of the fray to criticise him too severely.

It seems to me not so much a question of wha twe do, as of what we stand for, both with menan d women. We women are handicapped bylac k of opportunity, you men by unfavorableconditions. I am sure each sex ought to have alarge margin of charity in judging the other ;a n d I do believe with my whole soul that theconditions will continue to improve, an d that the


shuts me u p. She has n ’t an exa lted opinion ofmy conversational powers. Those women livein an ideal world,

” George went on presently.

It does one a lot of good to know them, butthey give you a hopeless feeling of never beingable to come up to the scratch. Oi course theydon’t want to marry the average

'

man , an d whyshou ld they H e is n ’t good enough nor cleverenough for them, a n d he is constantly offendingtheir taste in less important ways.”

Yes,”

a ssented the doctor, if a man

c hanced to come up to the new woman’s standa rd morally an d mentally, he wou ld be sure toput himself out of her good books by the kindof necktie he wore, or by the awkward way inwhich he held his fork.

They are right to demand more from menthan they have had from them in the past,

”

George said seriously, an d perhaps the nextgeneration will have been taught from the startto be more worthy of women ; but it

’s a little

rough on those of u s who come in between theold state of things an d the new. I wish itwou ld occur to the n ew woman that she mightimprove the present condition by marrying theaverage man an d giving him the chance to helpher educate the n ew generation.

”

It is all very well for those girls while theyare young,

” said the doctor, but after twenty


five years more of this placid, greenhou se ex istence I shou ld think it would get a trifle dull .They kn ow‘

n othi n g abou t l ife as lived by thema sses, its pitifu l grind, its ugliness an d

squalidness, but with it all a kind of roughstrength that comes from the contact with u r

gent practical problems.”

The doctor stopped at the corner of a narrowside street.

I’m going down here to see a woman with

five small children a n d a sick husband whodrinks. They have n’t much to eat or a greatdeal to wear, an d they live in an ill-smellingbasement. Al together, it

’s a different sort of

place from Jean’s studio. Good-night.

TH E R E was great rejoicing in Edgecomb, forElsie was coming home to spend the summer,Elsie, who stood for joy, prosperity, an d lighthearted gayety. No one altogether approvedof Elsie Nichols, for Edgecomb was popu latedwith New England consciences ; but she wasloved in an u nrea soning, perhaps an unreasonable fa shion, for it was impossible to withstandthe charm of those blue eyes an d that happysmile. To be sure, a little of Elsie

‘went a longway ; we shou ld not care to live on con fectionery, but after a period of abstinence most of

u s are pretty sure to welcome it with alacrity.

Al an, who certa inly could not be compared toconfectionery, was comin g on with his wife, tostay for part of the summer. It was two yearssince Jean had seen him, a period that seemsshort enough later in life, but which she felthad changed her from a g irl into a woman.

She an d Helen went down to their au nt’s houseto help her get it ready for the travelers, an dunder their skillfu l fin gers it soon became a

bower of roses. They meant to go home before


with her back to the others. The sunlight fellon her bright ha ir an d on the soft folds of hergray travelin g dress. She was evidently lostin a tender reverie, for her u sual volubility waschecked. The spec tators cou ld not help beingtaken bac k two years in imagination.

How much happier I am than I everthought I cou ld be then, was Jean’s reflec

tion .

That is just where you stood when you weremarried, Elsie, her mother sa id. Dear me !what a night that was ! My only child aboutto leave me an d go to the far west with a com

parative stranger, a n d I so worn out with sorrowan d fatigue, a n d the ice-cream not coming u ntilthe last minute, so that all through the servicein the most solemn parts I would catch myselfthin king, Will it come ? An d if it does n ’tcome what sha ll I do An d my darling was so

g ay through it all I don’t mean in the service,

but afterwards ; an d she a mere child ! Well,Alan, you certainly bu ilded better than youknew, for she has tu rned ou t a n excellent housekeeper.”

All the same, I think Alan was very rashto marry me,

” Elsie ackn owledged, for I hadnever kept house, much less cooked or sewed ;yet even Annie is obliged to admit that I ’m a

good housekeeper, is n’t she, Alan

A LOVER OF TRUTH 119

She is.I c an make the most delicious soups, Elsie

went on , an d as for my salads, they are a

dream, are n’t they, Alan

I have never ta sted better salads, he re

8ponded heartily.

Don’t speak of them, sa id Elsie’s mother ;

you make my mou th water. Al an, I willsay for you that she does not seem ever to havehad one regret.”

Alan a n d I were saying this morning thatwe had nothing to regret, except that I am al

most twenty-five. But as a man took me foreighteen on the tra in I don’t think I need worryabout my age yet. H e thought Alan was mybrother. I tell him if he will persist l n wearing tha t horrid beard, people will take him formy father next.As the two sisters were walking home together, Helen said Alan an d Elsie seem veryhappy. It on ly shows there is something at

traction, the elective afi n ities, ca ll it wha t youwill that puts ou r sensible calculations to confusion. It proves the superiority of our Americ an system of free choice. I suppose Elsie wasexactly the in flu en c e that Al an needed. It ispla in to see that they are lovers still .”

Edgecomb in general agreed with Helen, a n dthe N icholses were looked upon as a most de

120 A LOVER OF TR UTH

voted pa ir. When a woman sings her husband’spra ises in sea son an d out of season, there is nodoubt of her sentiments, an d although Alan wasnot given to expression, it was considered impossible that the husband of such a charming wifeshou ld not be happy.

Jean’s chances for seeing Alan an d Elsie together were frequent. She was half a shamedto fin d herself studying them so closely ; but shereflec ted that if a man ha s sa id over an d overaga in that absolute tru th is the only foundationfor enduring happiness, a n d then marries a woman who seldom makes an ac curate sta tement,he has brought this sc ien tific scrutiny uponhimself.

It was a great pleasure to have Elsie at homeaga in ; she would come flying up the studio sta irsat all hours, just as she used to do, an d talknonsense by the hour together.Do you know,

” she c on fided to Jc an oneday , Alan says one of the nicest things aboutmarrying me is having you for a cousin.

”

Elsie ! that is a little too mucH e did say it, truly, for I a sked him if he

did n ’t feel so an d he sa id, yes.’H e

’s as fond

of you an d Helen as if you were his sisters.I wish you knew him really well. It

’s astonish

ing how he has improved in little things. You

shou ld see the skillfu l way in which he gets my

122 A LOVER or TRUTH

I don’t care about your illu strations. Whyare they so much more exciting to you thanmen ever are ? I fin d George Morley a greatdeal more interesting than your drawings. H e

’s

manly, an d he’s got a sense of humor

, an d hec an pay .

nice compliments, an d he has money,a n d he ’s rather good-looking. H e

’s pretty fiec

kled, to be su re, but he has beautiful blue eyes,an d good teeth, too, in spite of their not beingvery even. H e is very warm-hearted ; the kindof man who c an be tremendously in love, an d

Elsie, will you please stopI wish I were a man ,

” sa id Elsie, comingover to her cousin an d flinging her a rms abouther neck ; if I wou ld n

’t take plea sure in thaw

ing you out an d making you tremendously inlove with me I

Elsie, there are a few other things in lifethat are worth while besides being in love.”

I suppose so, dear. An d that reminds methat I have come to see if you won’t take teawith u s to-night. Mamn

’

1a is not going to be at

home, an d this morning Al an sa id he wantedme to a sk you to come to tea .

”

Elsie’s habit of a ttributing her own views toothers was inconven ient, even for herself, forher friends were apt to take it for granted thatwhat she sa id was inexact, whereas it was sometimes tru e.


I suppose, Jean thought, that she askedhim if he did not want me to come to tea , a n dhe sa id, No,

’at first, an d she teased him until

he had to say Yes.’

Whatever the ca se had been, Alan greetedJc an with marked cordiality.

I am so glad you could come, he sa id.

H e plunged below the surface at once, according to his old habit, an d they were soon di scussing books a n d life.I was never intended for a business man ,

he c on fided to her at last. I should like to goback to the law, an d be brought in contact withthe kind of men with whom I rea lly belong, butI can’t, for I

’m too poor. You know how little

one fin ds in the average business man ? I amoften hungry for congenia l society. The constant grind of bu siness makes me long for freerspaces.”

I tell Al an he ought to play tennis an d learnto ride the bicycle,

” sa id Elsie.H e ra ised his eyebrows an d paused for a

moment. The older I grow the harder I fin dit to make friends,

” he continu ed presently,a n d the more solitary the intellectu al lifeseems. There are plenty of men with whomone c an smoke a cigar an d discuss business orpolitics, b u t beyond this the average man hasno idea s .


I suspect that the fa u lt is partly in you ,Jean sa id gently. You do not try to put yourself in touch with the average man .

”

That is what I tell him,

” Elsie assented.

If he will look so sarca stic an d severe, ofcourse they are not going to give themselvesaway. Tea is ready now. I don’t know whetheryou two intellectual people c a n consent to besu ffic ien tly humdrum to eat a saladAlan was a s enthusiastic over the salad as hiswife cou ld desire, an d for some time the talkflowed on in ea sy channels. Fina lly he sa id,By the way , Elsie, I met old Mrs. Thoma sdown town to-day , with a little girl, who was

leading her. She sent her love to you, an d toldme she was so sorry to hear that you were ill.”

A look of comic al dismay overspread Elsie’sface.

Oh, Alan, how unfortunate ! Of cou rseyou said I was bloomingly wellWhy

,yes. She seemed so concerned that

I told her you were all righYou did not tell her I had gone on a row

up the river, I hope ?I believe I did. Yes, I

’m sure I did.

Oh, dear, I don’t see why something always

happens when I try not to hu rt people’s feelings.You see,

” she added, turning to Jean, “ I ’vebeen once a week, sin ce I came back, to read to


was as if he had sa id, Charming women ofyour type tell a thousand little lies, more

’s the

pity ; we don’t expect truth from you.

”H e

seemed to have for his wife the indu lgent, halfcontemptuous affection that one gives to a recogn iz ed in ferior, wherea s Jean thought that tobe true to his standards he shou ld have tried tomake Elsie take a broader outlook, while forgiving her her faults. Jea n felt that he wascharmed by Elsie’s externa l attractions, but tha the did not value su fli c ien tly her rare power ofdevotion an d her sweetness an d u n selfishn ess.

Perhaps he had tri ed to make her take higherviews, an d had given up the ta sk as impossible ;but Jean was sure it was not hopeless, for shebelieved that every woman has in her the capacity for being better an d nobler when under thein flu en c e of a strong love. Elsie had alreadybecome a notable housekeeper to plea se her hu sband, an d Jc an thought that her mind an d character could have been modified, had he chosento undertake the ta sk.

She was c on firmed in her views by a conversation that took place on the following Sunday,a s she was walking home from church with theNic holses. It was Alan’s first appearance theresince his return, an d he had gone merely toplease his wife, who was sure that his contin uedabsence wou ld hu rt her grandfather’s feelings.


Unfortunately for all concerned, it chanced to bea Sunday when M r. Thorndyke exchanged witha newly-fledged divinity student. The sermonwas on the future life. I t was crudely written,an d the idea s were materia l rather than spiritu al. The preacher gave a glowing picture of aheaven with ru bies an d sapphires a n d emeraldsadorning the streets, a kind of perpetu al sunsetglow transformed into substantial shape. Jc ansoon grew tired of listen ing, an d made a sermonof her own. Her heaven was a place where allmen an d women were brave an d true, an d theruling idea was the public good, a heaventhat might come upon earth if more men werelike her grandfather, more women like her sister, a n d if the unfortunate beings born with a

less happy inheritance wou ld only make the mostout of their lesser lives, each bringing his espec ial gift to the service of the whole.It was one of those days when even a pessi

mist rejoices, for the sky was a cloudless blue,an d the trees had not lost their early freshness,while flowers were blooming in all the gardens.As they came out from the old white meetinghouse, with its high-backed pews, into this worldof sunshine, there was a n unusu ally thou ghtfullook on Elsie

'

s bright face.W as n

’t that a beautifu l sermon, Alan ?

she a sked, half shyly.

A LOVER OF TRUTH

That sermon ! he excla imed sc om fu lly .

You don’t mean to tell me you liked that sermon, ElsiePoor Elsie looked as if she had received a

blow in the fac e.I thou ght it was very beautiful an d comfort

ing, she sa id. I always like somethin g definite, an d the you ng man seemed so ' su re thatheaven was an attractive plac e.”

H e talked a great dea l of commonplace ru bbish. His metaphors were mixed an d everyidea vu lgar. How did you like the sermon,Jc anI did n ’t ca re for the form, she confessed,

after a moment’s hesita tion, but the y ou ngman seemed in earnest, an d a man who is inearnest can’t help doing good.

”

Tha t is a dangerous doctrine, he retu rnedthe most mischievous anarchist is in ea rnest.It is a pity you gave up the law,

” sa id his

She did not say anything further about thesermon, an d Jc an could see that whatever aspirations it had aroused in her were checked byAl an’s sarca sms. H e pursu ed the subject atlength, an d, after having entirely demolishedthe preacher’s arguments, asked E lsie if she didnot realize now what a poor sermon she had

130 A LOVER or TR UTH

how it makes me too sa tisfied. W hen l’m with

c a n ever rea lly c ha n ge ?“ I

’m sn re they c a n to some ex ten t.

”

Do you su ppose I c ou ld be seriou s like you ,

an d fon d of readin g , if I read a lot, an d awfu lly

b u t she had determin ed that she at least wou ld

I am su re there is n o u se in tryin g to be

like other people,”she replied. All we c a n do

is to try to make the most of our individu alselves. I was thin kin g of tha t very thin g this

a n d simple like Helen , or so good an d lovab le,b u t I should like to turn my very fa u lts to some

to help me to u n derstand other people, a n d tomake me a better arfist perhapa than if I were

the other kin d of person. An d so I am su reyour talent for being agreeable c ould be tu rnedto grea t u se. I am glad you want to be tru thful ; I thin k we all ou ght to t1

-y to tell the tru th

in love, an d you are so loving, Elsie. I haveoften wished I had you r power of makin g peo

ple m e for me.“You are as bad as Alan . I don ’t want to


be told I ’m fa scinating. I want you to sayI have a fin e, original mind, a n d that I cou ldmak e a lawy er or a doctor, if I ch .ose By theway , Jc an , will you let me read Bryce

’s American Commonwealth ’

aloud to you Alan tellsme I could never wade through one chapter ofit, an d I want to give him a surprise.”

Elsie was not the companion Jea n wouldhave selected to read Bryce with, but she wasdetermined to assist her in her attempt at selfimprovement. It was agreed before they partedthat Elsie was to come every afternoon to thestudio, to read to her cousin , while she waswashing her brushes an d putting her room inorder.Well, here I am, Elsie sa id brightly, the

following a fternoon. I ’m sorry to be so late,but I met Su sie Hobbs, an d she took me for alittle drive in her phaeton Her baby is toosweet IAfter a quarter of a n hour given to a discussion of the Hobbs family, Jc an fin ally insistedthat her cousin shou ld begin the readin g.

I ’m going to skip the introductory chapter,for it ’s pretty long, sa id Elsie, an d beginwith The Nation an d the States.’ A few yearsago the American Protestant Episcopal churchwas occupied at its an nual conven tion in revisingits liturgy,

’ she read impressively.


Jc an , I have always wanted to be an E piscopalian. I do so love the service an d the choirboys. I have seriously thou ght of going to theEpiscopal church in Minneapolis, except I knowit would trouble grandfather ; however, perhapshe never wou ld fin d out about it, on ly Alanwould be sure to tell him. Do you thin k it isright to go to the church where you c an get themost good Or do you believe it is more important not to hurt the feelings of your familyAlan hates the Episc opal church ; but as henever will go with me an y way , I tell him Idon’t see wha t difference it makes to him whereI go. What do you think ?I think it is a question eac h person must

decide for himself, Elsie .”

At least a quarter of an hour was taken up ina discussion of the respective characteristics ofthe Episcopal an d Orthodc x church. FinallyJean suggested mildly that if they were to accomplish an y more reading that afternoon theyhad better be about it. Elsie read stead ily fora cou ple of pages, but Bryce

’s comparison of thenationa l government to a large building an d a

set of smaller buildings, standing on the sameground, yet distinct from each other, was toomuch for her self-restra int, for it reminded herof Washin gton, which she an d Al an had re

c en tly visited.


should n ’t Jc an an d I read Bryce if we wantto 9,

You should. Please gi ve Jc an my c on gratu lation s.

”

You don’t think I mean to go on with it ?To punish you I shall make you wa it until Iread another chapter. You c an sit on the stepsuntil I come down, or else go in an d see grandfather. We can’t have you interruptin g u s.

”

I can’t wa it.”

I must at least fin ish this chapter.Elsie read the page hurriedly, an d then ran

down stairs to join her husband.

Alan is goin g to make some duty ca lls withme this afternoon, she called back to Jean .

It is so good of him , for he hates tomake calls.Good-by , dear. I ’11 come again to-morrow.

Oh,I forgot ; I

’m going u p the river to-morrow,

an d Wedn esday is my.

afternoon for reading toold Mrs. Thomas. I ’11 come Thursday afternoon

, an d I’ll be sure to be prompt.”

After two or three more readings Jean didnot so much wonder that Alan had found it alittle difli c u lt to make Elsie over.

NEVER TH E L ESS, as Jean’s professor in chem

istry used to say , a lthough the experiment hadfa iled, the principle rema ined the same. Shewas c on fiden t that Elsie had her more seriousside. When Jc an first discovered that she herself was not the most important person in theuniverse, an d turned her powers of analysisupon others, she found tha t each human beinghas a higher as well a s an every-day self, an dtha t there is a spiritu al sign ific a n c e even to materia l things. These well-known facts came toher with the freshness of a new discovery

, an d

transformed, not only the actual world in whichshe lived, but likewise art a n d literature. Shebegan to express something of this thou ght inher pa inting ; a n d being still exceedingly re

served, she rejoic ed to think that no on e wouldsee an y revelation of her inmost feelin gs in theimpersona l medium of pa ints an d canva ses. Shesmiled when she took up her brushes to thinkhow much of her creed she could put even intoan old gray house with hollyhocks growingaga inst it. She could pa int it without en thu


siasm, but with su ch technical skill as she possessed, or she could try to show somethin g ofher delight in the exquisite harmony of color,something of her keen pleasure in the light a n datmosphere, something of her joy in life. An d

if she felt this even in regard to material objects,how much more did she feel it when she triedto paint human fac es with sou ls behind them.

Strange to say , her chief patron s in Edgecombwere the Morleys, who certa inly knew an d caredno more for art than an y of her neighbors, butwho from the start had been friendly to hercareer. It troubled her to have them buy somany of her sketc hes, un til she reflec ted thatpoor as her pictures might be they were in fin itely better than a n y of the other artisticgems which they possessed.

It was with Virginia Morley’s portra it thatJean had her first genuine success. She was indespa ir when she received th is order, for Virginia had none of the points that made a faceinteresting from her standpoint. She was fin elookin g, in a florid, ma tter-of-fact way , but whencompared with a woman like Helen , Virgin iawas what a full-blown red peony is to an English violet. Jean was fond of dividing the worldinto idealists an d Philistines ; a n d a lthough Virginia amused her, she had always thought ofher a s a Philistine of the Philistines. But n ow


ing home after the ex hibition. I wish youwou ld wear gray more . It suits your style.If you expect me to wear gray gowns all my

life because they suit my style, you are verymuch mistaken. I love bright colors, a n d I shallcontinue to be characteriz ed by girls like Jc a nas that over-dressed, u n refin ed Virginia Morley to the end. I ’m not so obtuse as not tosee wha t she thinks of me. R a ther vu lgar !The kind of person one would not want for afriend, still less for a sister-in -law ; but with a

kind heart an d devoted to her brother, who is athoroughly commonpla ce young man .

’

Don’t, Virginia ! You have imitated hervoice so exactly that I feel as if she rea lly hadsa id those things.No, she is too discreet an d too well-bred to

say such thin gs, but she thinks them ; you maydepend upon it she thinks them.

Wha t did you ta lk about while she waspa inting you r portra it he asked, with a ssumedcarelessness.You, c hiefly .

George’s change of countenance was not lostupon his sister.You need not flatter yourself tha t our con

versation was because of her interest in you, mypoor boy. She merely found that when shepu lled a certa in string her doll began to talk


an d had a cheerfu l expression, so she kept onpu lling it. It is the same principle which makesthe photographer, after rammin g your head intoa vise, say , Now look plea sant, ma

’am ; thin k of

something agreeable in your past life. Thinkof beefsteak, or ice-c ream, or wha tever you likebest.’ Sometimes I hate that girSometimes I do,

” George confessed, with alittle shamefac ed laugh.

You ’d better cu ltivate the feelin g. It willbe good for you in the end. There is no u se inyour thinking of her. She has no idea of marrying. Ma rriage wou ld seem to her very muchlike Virginia Morley, well enough if you happen to like anything so matter-oi-fact, so common pla c e, but just a little vu lgar.

’

Virginia IAs for anything like strong emotion, passion,

she wou ld think it out of taste merely to speakof it.

”

You don’t do her justice, George beganhotly.

Virginia laughed.

An d the worst of it is,” he continued, you

have such a way of putting things that I feel a s if

you really meant them. It seems as if you hadreceived a fiat from on High to tell you they wereliterally so. I am sure she cou ld care tremendou sly for a certa in kind of man , but he

’d have


tobe, n ot only a long sight better than the rest

of u s, but very clever an d intellectu al an dOh, as far as that goes, I suppose she did

c are as much as that kind of woman c an care,forDon’t say it, Virginia ; you have n

’t an y

I never have breathed it to an y one, but Iknow, as well as if I

’d been told, that she did

care for your nameless friend. Tha t kind ofwoman always makes a hero of that sort ofbloodless automa ton.

You are too hard on poor old Alan ; he’s

a very good fellow.

”

Did I say he was n’t good My dear boy,

he cou ld spare enough virtu e to keep you an d

me going for several years. Do you call it severeof me to hint that he is a trifle glacial ? Jc an ,however

, admires his coldness an d considers itrefin emen t. I hate her.”

N0, you don’t.”

The worst of it is that she is so sweet, sofeminine, an d entrancing through it all,

” criedpoor Virginia . I believe I am as much inlove with her as you are, but I c an tell you itwas an un lucky day for both of u s when shecame into ou r lives. All the same

,I ’ve g iven

her an order to paint your portra it, fool tha t Iam I I can’t u nderstand how an y woman you


mood, an d our friend when he is showing hisbest side to the woman he loves. The real manis a composite photograph of the two. If youbelieve in truth in art, it is as untrue to pa intMiss Morley in a quiet gown, an d with thatsubdued expression, as it would be to desc ribeme as a man who saw only the good in humannatu re, becau se I once sa id that Helen is anideal woman. We can’t alter fac ts by blinkingat them, or women by pa intin g them as sa intsin gray. Virginia Morley will go home to-night,an d put on one of her harlequin gowns, an dtalk to George all through dinner about thesoup an d the plumber.”

You don’t see her at her best. She ’s verybright an d racy. Perhaps you are one of thepersons with whom she feels she has only thesoup an d the plumber in common. Most womenare afra id of you, an d if you expect the soupa n d the plumber from them, that is what youget.I certa inly do not get it from you, he

observed.

H e stood for some time with his hands behindhim

,stu dying the portra it critically. Finally he

turned a n d looked steadily at Jc an . I wishyou wou ld pa int my picture, he sa id. Ishou ld like to see you bring out all the hiddenmeaning in my soul, but u nfortunately I have n

’t


the money to squander on having my sou l’sdepths explored.

”

An d I can’t afford the time to make you afree gift of your soul’s depths.”

She looked half absently at his tall, stra ightfigu re an d strongly marked face. H e was handsome still, in spite of the disfigu rin g beard an deyeglasses, an d gave the impression of being aman of unusual power. She was thinking thathe wou ld make a stern judge, an d wonderingii,with all his penetration, he knew human n a

tu re as well as less clever men know it, for somany sensitive persons shrank into their shellsat his approach.

Well, what have you discovered heasked, with a smile. You have been staringat me as if you were determined to fin d out allmy secrets.I beg your pardon. I always forget that

my friends are n ’t pieces of furn iture. I wasthinking how much more pleasure you wouldhave if you tried to see the best in people, an dhow many more friends you would make.”

Thank you for the suggestion. I have nodoubt if I were to tell enough polite lies, Imight have the felicity of being consideredcharming by a vast quantity of bores. By theway , you are very ungratefu l , considering thatyou are one of the few I do like.”

144 A L oVE R OF TE UTE

A visit from Alan inevitably depressed Jc an .

She was always sensitive to personal atmosphere, but no on e had ever exerted so strong anin flu en c e upon her as he had. H e was fond oftalkin g philosophy an d politics with her, an d of

g iving her his gloomy views of life. The worstof it was that he was cleverer than she, a n d hadseen more of the world. How cou ld she say

that his pessimism was not in closer accord withfacts than her optimismHer extreme interest in human na tu re, whichgave her the desire to pull to pieces the mind ofan y person who puz z led her, as if it had been aflower, led her to fin d him always a fresh an d

fa scinating study. Whether he was really as

cold as he seemed, or a ma n with great feelin gu nderneath ; whether hewas a pessimist for personal reasons, or becau se he had looked at lifein a broader way than she had ; whether he washappy 1n his marriage, or whether Elsie was a disappointment to him, all these an d many otherquestions continu ally arose in Jean’s mind.

With all Al an’s frankness there was a wall ofreserve which she instinctively did not try topa ss, an d one subject upon which he nevertouched ; namely, Elsie.Jean stood for a long time lookin g at Vir

g in ia’s portra it, after Alan left her, an d felt the

ju stice of what he had sa id. She had not told

TH E Nicholses went back to the West the firstof Augu st ; for when it c ame to the point, Elsiecou ld not bear to let Alan go home without her,a n d the following week Jean began GeorgeMorley’s portra it. She missed Alan more thanshe had thought possible, but had at the sametime a distinct sensa tion of relief. George wasso su nny an d en terta in in g that she felt like a

child let out of sc hool. In the great outsideworld politics might be corrupt, sin ners mightflou rish, an d the righteous be oppressed ; b u t shewas happy in her little corner of the world, an dthe firm conviction was bound up with herwhole being that, looked at largely, everythingwas for the best, an d that all things in the longru n work together for good. George was notmuch given to abstrac t discussion ; he preferredto talk about the bicycle. Helen a n d Jeanwere learning to ride, an d the room rang withlaughter, as the girls set forth in glowing colorstheir misadventures. Sometimes Jean was ina more serious mood, an d put one of the questions that she an d Alan had discu ssed, to


George, an d he always had a practical answerready.

Do you think that most bu siness men are

selfishly bent on advancing their own interestsat the expense of their neighbors she onceasked him.

In a way , yes. In another way , no. Therehas to be competition in the na tu re of thin gs,but it does n ’t necessarily make men selfish .

I ’ve seen many acts of a lmost quixotic kindnessdone among business men.

”

I hate to think of all the suffering there isin the world,

” she said on another occa sion.

Don’t think of it, then,” he returned

promptly.

But I feel like a child when I shut my eyesto the real ities of life an d let myself be irrespon sib ly happy.

”

The sad things come soon enough withoutour seeking them ou t,

” George sa id succinctly.

I don’t know an y class who are as greata comfort to their friends as the irresponsiblyhappy,

” said Helen For that reason it alwaysdoes me the greatest good to see Elsie ; she an dAlan seem so contented.

”

c c I should n ’t call Alan irresponsibly happy,Jean suggested dryly.No, but he is as happy as it is possible for

a man of his temperament to be.

”


Jc an did not fin d George so easy to pa int ashis sister had been, a n d this was a disappointment, for his face was far more interesting.

She grew more an d more discouraged as thesummer went on ; an d even Helen , who was u sually present to help amu se the sitter, owned thatalthou gh the pictu re was very cha rming it hadone drawbac k, it did not look like George.You never are twice the same, Jc an an

n ou n c ed to the model one day . Just as Ithin k I have begun to get a likeness, you comein looking like a n entirely different person.

”

Whom do I look like tod ay ? he inquired.

A discou raged man who is down on hisluck, some on e who has never succeeded inanything an d has the world against him.

”

That is ju st the way I feel.”

You poor thin g I It is the hot weather.I feel so, too. I hoped you wou ld not come today , for it is so hot I don

’t feel in the lea st likepa intin g.

”

She held her head back a little, an d lookedfirst at George an d then at her canvas, an d thenbac k to him .

It is thoroughly b ad. You wou ld be easierto do if you did not look the embodiment of allprosperity an d gayety when you smile, an d so

different when you are seriou s.”


langu id softness about her this afternoon tha tmade her seem less u na tta in able than u su al , an dGeorge had a mad desire to seiz e her in hisarms an d kiss her.Have you ridden the b icycle la tely she

asked, breaking the silence.H e gave a short la u gh. Yes, I rode tenmiles la st night.Jc an was very absent-minded after this an dsa id little. She was thinking of a letter shehad received from the N ic holses. It had beenbegu n by Elsie an d fin ished by Alan.

I am back in the world of business aga in,he had written, an d those afternoons in yourstudio seem like a stream of cool water in a

thirsty land. I am glad you believe in the inherent goodness in human nature. Ju st at present I fin d it hard to keep my fa ith in it. Wha thave you done that the world should be so refreshin gly kind to you An d how at your agec an you still have the simple creed of a child ?Jean had not realiz ed before that her op.

timism might have as strong an i nterest for himas his pessimism had for her. She felt flattered,an d yet the letter was so fraught with his person ality tha t it depressed her almost as much ashis ac tu al presence wou ld have done.Do you think that life is an unsatisfactory

thing she asked George su ddenly.


In some ways, very.

Oh,please don’t say that ! I expected you

to keep up my spirits by saying that you enjoyit immensely.

”

I do sometimes.When you are bicycling, for instance.Yes

, although the b icycle does not mean thesum of human happiness to me.”

It is the sum of human happiness to me,she sa id lightly. At lea st it is on a cool dayan d on a level road. I ’m in love with mybicycle. What is there in the world tha t isnicer ?Being in love with some one who cared about

you would be nicer,” he answered gravely.

Jean changed color an d was vexed with herselffor her careless speech. She looked at Georgehalf fu rtively, an d sa id with decision that bioycling appealed to her a great deal more. Shebegan nervou sly to make some corrections inher picture, an d wished that she were not alwaysso awkward when she was embarrassed.

Helen ought to be bac k directly, an d thenwe c a n have some lemonade,

” she observed presen tly . H ow stiflin g it is here I If you willopen the west window, too, George, we shall bebetter oil , if it does n

’tmake too much of a gale.”

H e obeyed her, a n d there was immediatelysuch a commotion in the room that some photo


graphs were swept from the mantelpiece an d

whirled ac ross the floor.

You ’11have to shut the window, sa id Jc an .

H e did so, an d then mechanically began tocollect the photographs . One of them lay justat her feet. As he stooped to pick it u p, hishand grazed against her dress. With an irresistib le impu lse he seiz ed the hem of her gownan d pressed it to his lips.

Oh, don’t,

” sa id Jean , drawing back breathlessly.

Forg ive me, he begged hu skily. I did n ’tmean to, but I love you so I cou ld n

’t help it

You must n ’t,” she sa id brokenly. It

could never come to an y good. I ’m so sorry.

I had beg u n to think of you as one of my bestfriends, an d now I can’t see you an y moreif you are going to u nless youI will not make a fool of myself aga in, if

that is what you mean,” he retu rned shortly.

I care for you too much to lose your friendship.

You ’ve always been too good to me. I havesometimes won dered if you would want to befriends with me if you knew just what I am .

I have done a lot of things I should hate tohave you know about, you have such highideals, an d yet sometimes I feel as if I oughtto tell you, for I don

’t like to have you thinkme better than I am but I do want to be good.


bicycle an d the weather. After a time Helencame in an d made them some lemonade. Everything outwardly was just as it had been before,except the portrait, which was rapidly bec omin ga hopeless fa ilure. After two more sittings Jeanwas obliged to turn its face to the wall . Someday she promised herself that she wou ld pa intthe canvas over with a bit of still life an d giveit to Virginia .

JEAN ,Helen sa id one afternoon a fortnight

later, I wish you cou ld care for George Morley ;the poor boy seems so wrapped up in you.

”

The sisters were sitting by the river bank,Helen patiently b olding a sun-umbrella overJc an , who was sketching.What makes you think he cares for me

Jean asked. She had resolved that forGeorge’ssake, no one, not even Helen, shou ld suspec twhat had happened.

I know it because he told me. I’ve fanciedit for a long time, but the other night when hecame an d you were out, he stayed on , hopingtha t you wou ld come back, an d well, he toldme the whole story. I suppose he had to tellsome one .Jc an worked on in silence, but with heightenedcolor. She was very formidable when she wasin one of her unresponsive moods. She regretted them, but it did not occur to her tha t shecould help them, an d she had no idea how muchthey tried her friends, for she supposed they realiz ed that they were merely one form of shyness.

156 A L OVER OF TR UTH

The foliage is beginning to change,sa id

Jc an at la st, pointing to the scarlet branch of amaple. It is turning very early, for it is onlythe ten th of September. I ’m sorry to have theautumn come .”

I can’t let the chance to speak go by , Helenthought. I must n ’t be such a coward.

Jc an , she sa id, I know you are not reallycold, a n d so I can

’t see why, when a ma n is so

much in love with you, it apparently makes n oimpression on you, such a dear fellow too ! Ishou ld think it wou ld soften your heart to him,

for you are human, if you do like to pa int.”

Thete was absolute silen ce on Jean’s side,

an d Helen felt more a n d more snubbed.

Don ’t you thin k that you cou ld care forhim in time if you tried ? she went on , for sheknew tha t Jean was too well-bred to ignore a

direct question.

N0, Helen, I am sure I could n’t.”

But you are fond of him already in a certa in

Yes.You have it in your power to be so much to

him. I believe there is n othing you cou ld n ’tdo for him . H e did not ask me to speak to

you ,

” Helen added ha stily, seein g an omin ouslook on Jean’s fac e, but I felt as if I must. Idon’t thin k it often happens that a woma n is


H elen felt herself in disgrac e durin g theirsilent walk . She longed to know wha t was going on in her sister’s mind ; the door, however,was not only shut, but also barred an d bolted.Now if she had only asked me about her uncleJames, I should have been very glad to tell hereverything,

” Helen thou ght ; but as it is, Ican’t, for she is so wholly unsu spicious of wha thas happened.

”

The fac t was tha t poor Helen had been havinga most disturbing eight months, in spite of theirapparent monotony. Nothin g had ever givenher such pain as having to tell Dr. Reyc roft

tha t she did not love him well enou gh to marryhim, an d she wondered if her sister were snfiering in the same way now, but was too proud toshow it. Helen felt sure she could have caredfor George, had she been in Jean

’s pla c e, for itis much ea sier to love in the abstrac t than in theconcrete. There were many excellent reason sthat prevented her loving Dr. Reyc roft ; an d yet

if he had been ten yea rs younger, an d she hadnot begun by looking upon him as an u ncle, ifhe had had another face an d fig u re an d a different di sposition, ii , in short, he had been whollyunlike wha t he was, how well she cou ld haveloved him ! She was so fond of him, too, that itmade it a ll the ha rder. It had never occurredto her that her refusal wou ld cause a break in


their intercourse ; an d when he began to avoidher, an d to treat her, on the rare occasions whenthey met

,with studied indifference, she was

pa ined an d bewildered. She had not supposedhim to possess such an u n forgivin g temper.The worst of it was that she had never realiz edbefore that her intercourse with him was themost stimulating feat ure of her life. She wondered if she cou ld have refused him in such away as to have kept him for her friend, an d

was vexed with herself for feeling so sorry forhim when he was so unkind to her ; but she wastoo keenly sympathetic n ot to regard un requitedlove in the light of a tragedy. Helen did notknow that Jc an , after havin g summarily despatc hed the subject of George Morley, wassecretly longing to return to it, but was tooproud to introduce the theme not that she hadchanged her mind, but that she wanted the satisfac tion of ta lking the whole afia ir over. So

the weeks passed, while the sisters continuedto lead a tranquil outward life an d a troubledinward one, an d were together the greater portion of every day, yet farther apart than whenJc a n had been across the sea s. No matter howintimate two reserved New England women mayb e, there is at least one corner in the mind ofeach where the other does not dare to enter.As the months went by an d the doctor con


tinn ed to go to the parsonage at an hour whenhe knew Helen had other engagements, she grewhu n gry for a sight of him, an d on e Thursdayevening, on the chance of seeing him, excusedherself from her whist club an d stayed at

home. H e came as usu al, an d ta lked to Jc ana n d her grandfather, looking over Helen a n d

throu gh her, but never at her. Once he addressed a remark to her, an d when she answeredhim, he immediately contradicted her. Afterthis her devotion to whist never flagged.

One day in December, as Helen was returning from a solitary walk just at dusk, the doctor,who was driving, overtook her. Now he willhave to offer to take me home, she thought,but he pa ssed her with only a slight inclin ationof the head. The tears came into her eyes. Itmade her feel so far from him,

she who u sedto be so near. The very marketmen wou ld haveoffered her the courtesy of a lift,

”an d he, her

best friend, was passing her without a word.

Apparently the doctor repented his first im

pu lse, for he checked his horse a moment later,an d wa ited until Helen came up to him.

Perhaps you would like me to tak e youhome, as it is getting late he suggestedcoldly.

No, I thank you, she returned with spirit.I am out for exercise, an d I wou ld rather


to a green wooden cha ir. I know you won’t

mind if I go on watering my plants.”

The doctor evidently had something on hismind, for he fidgeted unea sily. Helen thoughtthat he had come to apologiz e, an d to proposethat they shou ld be friends once more.It is perfectly delightfu l to have you drop

in aga in in this way , she ventured. I havemissed you very much.

I have dropped in a good deal, but you areusually not here,

” he said coldly, an d she saw

that he preferred to ignore the‘past.I ’m glad it was on ly accidental , Helen

assured him , with a little smile, for you cameso often when I had regu lar engagements thatI began to think you tried to avoid me.”

The doctor saw the smile an d laughed outright. Well, at an y rate we may a s well befriends now, for there is something I want youto do for me.”

SomethingYes, I want you to be one of the managers

of the new hospital.”

Helen felt a pang of keen disappointment.It is only his hospital he cares about an d notme,

” she thought. I ha ve never done an ything of the kind,

” she began, but if you thinkI could be of useI am su re of it.


They discussed the hospital for half an hour,an d then the doctor rose.You will come aga in 9 Helen said with all

her former friendliness. You will forgive mea n d go back to your old waysI was not aware that I had anything to

forgive.”

Helen felt as if she must have imagined thathe had a sked her to marry him, or else that hehad forgotten the fact perhaps he had, for hewas a busy man a n d absent-minded in the smallafia irs of life.Those violets are very sweet, the doctor

said, standing irresolutely, as if there weresomething else he wanted to say .

Yes, wou ld you like someNo. Wha t shou ld I do with violetsI ’m sure I can’t tell you. They certa inly

do not seem much in your line .They are not. Grace, sweetness, charm,

have no afi n ity forme. Helen,” he fla shed out,

suddenly facing her, I was a fool ever to thinkI could make you care for me. I have n o doubtit is all for the best. I might have got verytired of you. It would be awkward to marry awoman a n d then wish you had n ’t done it. Butit is foolish for u s not to be friends, especiallyas I wan t your valu able services on the hospitalboard.

”

16 4 A LOVER OF TR UTH

After he had gone, Helen caught herselflaughing two or three times. H e is certa inlyunlike a n y other human being,

” she reflec ted,

an d then she laughed aga in . She was gladthey were to resume their old frien dship, a n d

yet she had an unexpected feeling of disappointment. It was sensible in him to ac cept theinevitable, but it was not flattering.

The winter passed swiftly, an d the springcame. Jean had more orders than ever before

,

a n d her hea rt seemed wholly in her work. Shewas beginning to make a name for herself, a n dto be invited about in the outside world. Helenwas thoroughly glad of Jean’s success

,but it

made her feel lonely. She could not help looking forward to the time when their gran dfatherwould die, an d the home be broken u p. Sheknew just the kind of life her sister wou ld choosethen, a nomad one, including many trips toParis. She herself loved the peac e of her ownfireside, a n d a ll her talents lay in the directionof making a happy home.Helen threw herself into her hospita l work

with all her en ergy, an d tried to think tha t it sa tisfied her. She had n ever been unhappy whenshe was younger, but at presen t life seemed mon oton ou s, probably because she wa s approa chingmiddle age. The doctor was on friendly termswith her once more, but she preferred his for

HE L EN went to Minneapolis, an d to three persons who were left behind the bottom seemed tohave dropped out of everything. M r. Thorndyketried to think that Jean was su ffic ien t for hishappiness, but he missed his other gran ddau ghter at every turn . It was n ot merely that Helenwas always ready to copy his sermon s, to remindhim of his various engagements, to do his mending an d remember his favorite dishes, — it was

far more than this. Helen had the good spiritsof a happy child, joined to the excellent sensean d judgment of a sympathetic woman. The gapshe left was one that it was impossible to fill .Poor Jean struggled bravely to fill it, an d itmade her unhappy to know that she cou ldnever be to her grandfather what Helen was.

She succeeded fairly well with the housekeeping

,but she hated it more an d more every day .

Nothin g interested her, the weeks had to belived through somehow, but she counted themoff one by one in dull despa ir. It frightenedher to think how dependent upon one person shewas for her happiness.


When she a n d her grandfather sat togetherin the evening trying to be cheerfu l , but verysilent, one of them was pretty sure to say , Howwe miss Helen,

”an d the other, Two weeks

have gone, thank heaven IThen Jc an wou ld get the book they had all

begun together, an d read aloud ; but the storyhad fa llen off sadly toward the en d, an d was as

disappointing as life.Afterwards came some games of chess, inwhich M r. Thorndyke invariably beat, an d Jeansa id, If I live a hundred years I c an neverlearn to play chess well ; an d her grandfather,too kind to assent, too truthfu l to protest, ohserved, You are improving, dear. Chess islike life ; it requires a great deal of patience an dphilosophy.

”

An d Jea n retu rned, Grandfather, we maytry to gloss it over, but it is no use we may as

well adm it that life is simply intolerable withoutHelen.

”

As for Dr. R eyc roft, he gave no outward signof missin g Helen, an d rarely mentioned hername, although he came to Jean’s studio frequently to sit for his portra it.Jc an , however, insisted upon keeping heruncle posted as to her sister’s movements, an done afternoon she read him extracts concern ingHelen from one of E lsie’s letters.


Uncle James, she sa id, listen to this.Jc a n , you have no idea wha t a good time

Helen is having, or how young she seems. M en ,

women, an d children have all fallen in love withher. They are so surprised tha t she has n ’t an yof the Boston reserve. I tell them they oughtto see my other cousin. There are two youngmen , Ben Foster an d -Dic k Walla ce, who are

cra z y about Helen, an d I hope something maycome of it. I told Ben that she was thirty-on e.

I did n ’t dare to put it an y you n ger, but I wassorry I had n

’t when he sa id, I had no idea she

was as old as tha An d then what did Helendo, the very next day , when the question of agec ame u p, but spoil it all an d put me in a veryawkwa rd position, by sayin g she was th irty-five.

Ben did n ’t seem to mind her being so old, an d Ithink he liked her all the better for her fran kness. I mean to go in for literal truth an d ah

solute sincerity ; it gives people such a sense ofc on fiden c e in you. As Alan says, there is nothing like it. I hope Helen will be married,for she would mak e a n ideal wife, but I

’m sorry

it will have to be to a Minneapolis man , for weshall not be here next winter. H as Helen toldyou that Al an has decided to go back to theEast this autumn a n d take up the law aga inThe law, you kn ow,

has a lways had the samekind of fa scin ation for him that danc ing ha s for


Uncle James, how altruistic of you IYes, I always was altru istic. I have the

reputation of being selfish, but my selfishn ess,

like your beauty , is only skin deep. Is thatother letter you have there from Helen ‘

7 I amaltruistic enough to be willing to listen to it,although she has n ’t written a line to me .”

Have you written to herNThat may have something to do with it.

Helen an d I write to each other every otherday .

”

Good Lord, deliver u s I I’m glad I ’m not

the lover of either of you.

”

Uncle James, it is a pity you never married,for you wou ld have made a charming lover .Were n ’t you very fa scinating when you wereyoungI always thought so, but no one else seemed

to agree with me. Why do you think I wou ldmake would have made a charming loverBecause you have such a delightfu l sense of

humor.”

This reminded the doctor of something amusin g . H e laughed so heartily that Jean was

obliged to reprove him.

You must n ’t laugh, she told him, for Iam working on your face now.

When Jean’s portra it of her uncle was at last


fin ished, it was admitted on all sides to be thebest piece of work that she had yet done. Itwas not a flattered likeness, but a strong one.I suppose it is good,

” the doctor sa id gloomily , but you

’ve made me look like a rigid old

Calvinist with a stern sense of justice.”

A rig id old Calvinist with a sense of humor,Jean amended. Whenever I am tempted tothink you the most disagreeable man in my ac

qua intance, you say something amusing, an dthen I know you are the most delightful.”

The portra it of the doctor was bought bysome public-spirited citiz ens an d presented tothe hospital , to be hu ng in the wa iting-room.

As a scarecrow to keep patients away,” he

sa id grimly. I say , Jc an , it is a little hard onme that you shou ld climb the ladder of fame bymeans of pillorying your aged uncle.”

Never mind, Uncle James ; it will make u s

both famous. We ’11 climb the ladder together,an d what shall we do when we get to the topShall we have to sit there That will be ratheruncomfortable, but I shall be glad to have you rcompany. By the way , Helen was so anxiousto see your portra it that George Morley hastaken a photograph of it, which I

’ve sent to

her.”

The deuce you have.Why not


Oh, it’s all right. It will remind her of

home, a n d offset the attrac tion s of the sixteenyoung men who are in love with her. She willthink, I cann ot leave such a fa scinating uncle,with such a Grecian profile an d angelic disposition ,

for an y of these. No, as the girl sa id inPu nch,

” young men are all very well to dancewith , but you can

’t have an y ra tional conversation with a man under fifty , an d Uncle Jamesa lways could converse.’ That photograph willcerta in ly insure her coming home heart whole.”

Helen’s home-coming was u nexpectedly delayed. Elsie was ill with malaria , a n d en

treated her to stay until June, an d help hermove to Lake Minnetonka . When they weresettled there, Elsie drew such a piteous pictureof the lon ely days she wou ld be forced to passwhile Al an was in Minneapolis, if Helen wenthome, that her soft-hearted cousin cou ld notbear to desert her. It ended in her stayingwith the Nic holses until the first of September,when they all came back to E dgecomb together.Dr. R eyc roft stopped for on e minute to seeHelen the night of her return, on his way tourgent case. His face beamed with such satisfaction at the sight of her that Jc an told himhe looked like the Cheshire c at.If there is anythin g more smiling than a

Cheshire eat, you look like it, young woman,”


Do you think those fools are goin g to stayall the evening ? he demanded.

I f you speak a little louder, I’m pretty sure

they will go home.”

H e eyed Fred Hobbs an d his cha ir in sucha n unfriendly way that at last the young manrose an d took a sea t on the piaz z a ra iling. Dr.Raycroft with an irresolute motion slipped into

Well,Uncle James, Helen sa id, I thou ghtyou never were coming aga in. It is delightfu lto see you.

”

It must be thrill ing. Nevertheless, youmanaged to stay away from your eastern friendsfor five months with perfect ease. By the way ,how are the sixteenThe sixteenYes, the sixteen wild westerners who were

in love with you.

”

There Were not sixteen of them.

The six, then.

’

There were not even six.

Well, I kn ow there were at least our c atan d another.’ How a re the happy pa irThey were flou rishin g , when I last saw

them.

”

I suppose they had charming manners,the real western cordiality ?Yes.”


I hate good manners ; they are so insin

I like good manners, sa id Helen tranqu illy.

The doctor tu rned abruptly an d asked SusieHobbs some question about her little girl. H e

made a short call, an d slipped away without sayin g good-night. Jean followed him an d caughtup with him just a s he reached the sidewalk.

Uncle James, won’t you come to tea to

morrow night ? she a sked.

No, I can’t ; I

’m too bu sy.

Don’t you think Helen looks you nger an dprettier than before she went away she inquired presently.

I never thought Helen pretty, an d I neversupposed an y one else di

Oh, of course she is pla in, Jc an read ilyassented, but she has a charm that makes hersweeter lookin g than many prettier people,the dear thing.

You seem to be daft on the subject of yoursister.”

Uncle James, what is the ma tter with youDo please tell me. I am su re that something ismaking you feel blue.”

Do you really want to know, JeanVery much.

”

Well, then, I will tell you . I have a stylographic pen .

”


What do you meanYou don’t know One of my patients c an

instruct you, for when I told her I had a stylographic pen, as a little b it of news that wouldbe su re to interest her, because it was of suchvital importance to me, she sa id, I

’m so sorry !

Those pa ins is b ad I Good-night, Jc an . It isu nkind of you to laugh in tha t heartless way ,for those pa ins is b ad. That is why I am

blue.Jean was too much occupied to think aga inof her un cle’s depression, for she was hard at

work on two portra its that had to be fin ishedbefore her sitters went back to New York, an dher free time was given to Helen an d Elsie.Poor Elsie was still far from strong. She hadsevere attac ks of neuralg ia in her head, whichmade her utterly wretched while they lasted.

Her cheerfu l spirits asserted themselves, however, as soon as she felt a little better. Jeanmarveled to fin d her so fa scinating in her role ofinvalid. She had a way of throwing herself onone’s mercy an d takin g it for granted that onewas interested in her symptoms, which was veryengagin g, an d she was prettier than ever. Itwas some consola tion to her that she cou ld wearthe da intiest of tea gowns ; an d when Jeanstrolled down in the afternoon, she usually foundher on the piaz z a , in the hammock, propped up


to die, a stone like that wou ld be a great consolation. W hy , here is Alan . H e has got backearly. Well, dear, have you had a good day ?Come an d give me a kiss.H e obeyed her somewhat perfu nctorily.H e does n ’t like to be demonstrative when

you are aroun d, Jean ,

” Elsie observed.

Here is George Morley,” she sa id a little

la ter. Now this is plea sant. I am sorry tohave to receive you in this invalid fashion,George,

”an d she held out a pretty hand with

a n amethyst ring upon it. An d will youplease excuse my ha ir She gave a littleglance over her shoulder at the thick gold bra id.

Will I excuse it ? Yes, indeed ! An y onec an be forgiven for having ha ir like you rs.I mean, of course, will you excuse my wear

ing it down my back ? It is so heavy that itmakes my head ache if I put it u p. Alan tellsme if I mind the weight so much, I might haveit cut off.”

That is very u nkind of Al an, said George .Yes, he likes to say provoking things, but he

has his good points, ju st the same. See thebeautiful amethyst ring he has given me ; italmost makes it worth while to be ill .”

George examined the ring gravely. It ’svery pretty,

” he sa id, an d it seems to matc hthe hand that goes with it.”


Jean had an unreasonable sense of injury insec iu g Elsie a n d George together. She caughtherself wondering how it would seem to be thewife of a man who was so ea sily interested inevery

'

pretty woman. She ended by feeling surethat he had never seriously loved herself, an dthat he had n

’t it in him to care deeply for an y

woman.

When Jean took her departu re, George roseto go also.

Elsie is a fascinating little thing, he sa idas they wa lked toward the village together. Ihope Alan is su fi c ien tly good to her. A womanlike that needs a world of pettin g.

”

She is certa inly very devoted to him, an d

seems perfectly satisfied.

Yes, a n d I’ve no doubt he cares for her in

his own way . It used to seem the strangestmatch to me, b u t a woman like that is enoughto expla in an y man

’s being swept off his feet.”

Jea n had something of her old sense of rebellion that to certa in women is reserved the charmof looks an d manner which is sure to captivatemen. She felt that these surface attractionsshou ld have b een given in equal proportions toall women. She was determined, however, todo justice to Elsie. She is a dear child,

” shesaid with enthu siasm.

She is such a warm little thing,George


c ontinued. She seems to have room in herheart for the whole world. It must be a pleasantsensa tion to have a woman so much in love withyou tha t everything you do an d say is of greatimportance to her. I believe I cou ld love an ywoman who loved me, a n d live happily with her.I shou ld thin k it so awfu lly good of her to carefor me.I think what you say is true, an d I hope

when you do ma rry you will be very happy.

”

If one is ta lkin g about the happiest kind ofhappiness George began a n d paused.

I suppose the happiest kind of happinesscomes to very few of u s,

” sa id Jean . An d

after all, part of the delight of life is believingin some beautiful, impossible thing. We say

I f I had this or that I shou ld be happy,’but if

we had it we shou ld want something else. All

I expect is to have a good solid content. I amthoroughly happy in my work an d in my lovefor Helen. Oi course we all have our dreams,but a reality like mine is enough. When onehas the reality, with the vague dream of somethin g better, better work in the future, widerusefulness, deeper friendships, it is en ou gPerhaps so, if you happen to be an idealist

an d an artist ; but if you are a pla in, averag ebusiness man , you crave something earthly an dc oncrete.”

W I NTER set in early that year, an d snow fellbefore Thanksgiving. There was a n unusu alamount of illness, so that Jc an often did notsee her uncle for days a t a time, while Helen,on the contra ry, had frequent opportunities formeeting him in conn ection with her duties onthe hospital board. Jean was pleased to fin dthat he an d her sister had gone back to theirformer cordial relations. Sometimes he tookHelen with him when he drove to the neighboring towns to see patients, which gave Jc an a

qualm of jealousy ; but she reflec ted that heknew she was too busy to go on these expeditions.One cold afternoon when the thermometer was

almost at z ero, Dr. R eyc roft stopped to let themknow tha t he was too busy to come to tea , as hehad promised.

How comfortable you do look here I hesa id, as he warmed his hands before the blaz ingfire. H e let his eyes wander about the cheerfulroom, an d fin ally rest on the bright spot in thecentre, where a ta ll lamp with a huge yellow

A LOVER or TRUTH 183

shade was throwing its friendly light on a darkhead that glanced up from a book, a n d a redone that was bent over some sewing, for Jeanhad been reading aloud to her sister.Do sit down for a few minutes, Uncle

James,” she begged.

“ I can’t. I must be off. I’ve a case on

hand in West Dumfield that may be an all-nightaffa ir, an d I

’ve got to fin d somebody first to sit

up with old M rs. Thomas. She ’s ill with pneumonia , an d it was too cold to move her to thehospita l.”

I thought on e of the hospital nurses wastaking care of her, said Helen.

She is, but she’s completely used up for

lack of sleep, a n d so I promised to get some oneto relieve her for to-night. I ’m going to try forMiss Blake, at the Corners.It is a long way to the Corn ers, an d in the

opposite direction from W est Dumfield. Whydon’t you try nearer homeBecause the old days are over, an d

‘

women

are no longer willin g to do charity nursing ofthat sort without pay . Well, good-by , you useless an d ornamental beings. I wish I cou ld stayto tea .

”

His manner was unusually gentle as he tookleave of them, an d he looked so tired an d wornthat Helen’s heart was full of compassion .


Why could n ’t I take the nu rse’s place tonight she a sked. I am certa inly as capablea s Miss Blake.”

You, Helen I t is n ’t fit work for you.

Why not ? It won’t hurt me to be usefula n d a little uncomfortable just for one night.”

H e pau sed irresolutely.

Uncle James, don’t let her do it, Jean

begged. Mrs. Thoma s’s house is so forlorn,a n d it is such a bitter cold night.”

I should like a little real work, ju st for a

sample,” Helen sa id. I t wou ld do me good to

see how other people live.”

Perhaps it might,”

the doctor admitted.

You ’ve always been on the fringe of life.”

So have I , sa id Jean .

Yes, I have n’t the slightest doubt that

a little disagreeable experience would do yougood, young woman ; but I can

’t risk mypatients’ lives for the sake of family discipline .”

Helen was deaf to all her sister’s objections,an d fin a lly the doctor promised to come backfor her at seven o’clock. Jea n an d her grandfather hovered around like uneasy spirits

, as

Helen made her preparations for departure.If I had seen James I would have put a

stop to this,” sa id M r. Thorndyke. It is two

degrees below z ero — two degrees, do you under


Helen, I’d give half the rema ining years of

my life to have a temper like you rs. I shou ldhave thrown that handkerchief out of the sleigh,or chucked it under the seaYou acc omplish twenty times as much as I

do,she returned. If one has nothing but

the sweetmeats of life, it is very ea sy to keepone’s temper. It must be so satisfactory tobe doing something of the greatest use a ll thetime, a n d to have the gratitu de an d good will ofhu ndreds of people.”

It is n ’t. You c an undeceive yourself onthat point, my dear Helen. The life of a country doctor is hard an d grim enough at the best ;but when he chances to be born with an irritable temper, he does not even get the perquisitesthat belong to his profession. Gra titu de I

Good will ! I save my patients’ lives an d thenthey say , What ru de manners Dr. R eyc rofthas I That is the reward I get '

You might g ive up your profession if youfeel so strongly, an d lead the idle life of a

country gentleman,” she suggested misc hiev

ou sly .

I should adorn it so well ! Some men are

born in a treadmill, an d they have to keep on ,like horses, without a pause. But when youta lk of enjoyment, the kind of thing a ma n likeyour grandfather feels every time he meets a


human being, you are romancing. No, life ishard, when one has n

’t a talent for getting on

with people, an d when one’s business consists in

dealing with them. I ’d like to live my lifeover aga in, the last twenty years of it, I mean,a n d I would n ’t miss the on ly thing I everreally cared for.H is voice softened as he spoke, an d a suddenwave of feelin g swept over Helen. She cou ldnot misu nderstand him, an d she was penetratedto the heart’s core with pity a n d affection, an dthe desire to give from the abundance of herlove a n d happiness to this lonely,misu nderstood

Well, we are a lmost there, he sa id, as shewas about to speak , an d I must begin to g iveyou in structions a s to the c a se. You kn ow I ’mvery hard on my nu rses, an d I

’m not going to

be partial.”

Mrs. Thomas lived in a forlorn little cottageon a side street. Her rooms were neat, butvery bare. A crackling fire was roaring in ana ir-tight stove, an d a kerosene lamp with a n

uneven ly trimmed wick filled the a ir with itsperfume an d threw a dim light on the wrinkledold woman with u nseeing eyes, as she tossedabout in the adjoining room on her bed, withits patchwork counterpane. The nurse wa s pinning on her hat, as they entered, an d looking at


her reflec tion in a distorted mirror. She movedlangu idly a n d seemed too tired an d listless toknow what she was doing.

The lamp is smoking, sa id the doctor.I will see to that,

” Helen a ssured him.

Why,it is Miss Helen Gordon, bless her !

Mrs. Thoma s excla imed. To think that a

you ng lady like you should come to tak e care ofa poor old woman like me INow

,Miss Grey

,if you will show me where

everything is before you go, I shall be verymuch obliged to you,

” sa id Helen. I do hopeyou will have a good night’s sleep.

’

She will,” sa id the doctor very gently, an d

she certa inly deserves it.”

After they had left her, Helen trimmed thewick of the lamp an d made her patient c omfortab le for the night. There was not much todo for her, except to give her medicine an d

nou rishment at stated intervals, an d Helen hada long night in which to think. It seemed toher that she had never before had a ta ste of lifein its deeper meaning. It was tru e that shehad a lways lived on its frin ge. Sheltered,happy, loved by all who knew her, accomplishing her easy duties with grace an d charm, an d

her charities with little personal in convenience,her frien ds had always given her the kind ofadoration that implied it was enou gh for her to


was always the pa st to remember, the dearpa st, an d there were still light an d su n shinefor others, an d the sounds of birds an d gay

you ng voices, little, broken fragments of happin ess such as happier women despise. It wasto minister to such as these that Dr. Reyc rofthad given his life. This one night was only asample of the crowded, weary hours tha t su cc eeded each other rapidly for him, with oh, howlittle pau se for rest or plea sure ! An d she, whomight have been so mu ch to him,

had on ly addedto his burden of disappointment an d regret.The reasons why at first she had felt su re shecould not love him seemed now to be drawingher the more strongly to him, an d her heartswelled with gratitu de an d happiness when sheremembered that it was not too la te .The doctor brought Miss Grey back at a

preterna tu rally early hour in the morning, inhis anxiety to relieve Helen, an d as he glanc edaround the room, he sa id, H ow cosy you havemade things look.

Helen laughed a glad little laugh, for therewas no difference in the room, except tha t shewas in it.Curious tha t a blind old woman who has

lost her husband an d son shou ld want to getwell, is n

’t it the doctor asked, as he helped

Helen into the sleigh.


Her eyes had a far-seeing look in them as

she replied, I c an understand it. I cou ld lovelife like that.Wh en they reac hed the parsonage, she beggedhim to come in a n d take his breakfast with her.My dear Helen, you must not pamper me

in this way . I ’ve had a partia l breakfast atthe Smiths.”

A glass of milk, I supposeWorse than tha t : a c u p of vile coffee an d a

doughnut. How c an people live on such stu ffDid you ha ve a satisfactory ca seI suppose you ’d call it satisfactory, with

your flame-colored views. Another little lifehas come into this disappointing world ; an othergirl has begun to whimper an d cry for themoon .

”

She won’t get it,” said Helen ; but when

she has quite given up long ing for it, she willfin d that a kerosene lamp is a great deal moresatisfactory an d useful, take the year thron gShe glanced a t the clock as they went intothe hall. We shall have the world all to ou r

selves,” she sa id. It will be some time before

even our cook gets down ; we are such a la z yhousehold. I ’

m too hungry to wait for mybreakfa st. I ’m going to make some coffee myself, a n d boil some eggs.

”

The doctor followed her into the kitc hen an d


helped her with her preparations. H e had thehandiness of the men of his profession

, an d didthings well, however little grace he might havein the execution. H e looked at Helen everynow a n d then with a glance of perfect content.She smiled back at him.

Is n ’t this good fun ? she inquired.

They sat down at the bare kitchen table withtheir coffee an d their eggs, an d presently Dr.R eyc roft excla imed, I

’m not so sorry for the

workin g man INor I for the working woman .

I have n ’t had such good coffee since I wasa boy,

” he sa id, as he rose at last, an d that,as you are well aware, was a long time ago.

W as it I feel as if we were in a fa irytale to-day , where every one stays young.

”

You always will , Helen.

”

H e paused irresolutely, as he was about toleave the room, an d then walked on into theentry with his slou c hin g ga it. Presently hecame bac k. Helen, I meant to thank you forsitting up with that forlorn old woman la stnight, but somehow you looked so fresh an d

radiant this morning that I forgot you had n’

t

been on a plea sure excursion.

I had. I really enjoyed it.”

An d I am very thankfu l to you for my breakfa st. I ’m not so rude an d ungratefu l a s I seem.

”

I 'r was the day before Christma s. Helen an dJean had sent off their last packages an d wereresting after their labors.How I do hateChristmas I Jean excla imed.

I always think I won’t do an ythin g about itnext year, an d when next year comes I alwaysdo Society seems to drive you to it.”

I like Christmas better an d better everyyear,

” said Helen. An d this year — Jean, Iwant to to tell you something. I want toshow you a present I ’ve had . If you will comeinto my room, we sha ll be sure not to be interru pted. It is something your uncle gave me afew days ago.

”

Jean followed Helen with unsuspiciou s interest

, an d watched her open a bureau drawer an dtake out a ring which she slipped on the thirdfin ger of her left hand. As she crossed theroom,

the diamond caught the light an d flashed

out brilliantly.

How beautifu l ! sa id Jean . She had a

sense of inju ry as she remembered tha t heru ncle had never given her an ythin g half so val


u ab le. It looks like an engagement ring, sheadded lightly.

It is.”

But, Helen , I thought you said that UncleJames — I thoughtYes, he gave it to me.But I thought you sa id I can’t under

stand what do you meanI am engaged to your uncle James, said

Helen quietly.

The sudden shock of the news, an d wha tseemed to Jc an the utter inappropriateness ofthe engagement, made her feel sick an d g iddy.The room swam before her as she san k into acha ir. There was a long pause.Jc an ,

” Helen entreated at last, for heaven’s sake, do say something. Don’t g ive methat stony look. I had no idea it wou ld be sucha surprise to you. Your uncle sa id he was sureyou knew tha t he cared for me, a n d I thoughtin the la st fortnight you must have seen that Iwhy did n

’t you think of it

I don’t know,”answered Jc an in a dull voice.

I always thought of him a s just as much youruncle a s mine. We have always shared everything.

”

I thought of him in that way at first.

H e is so much older than you are, Jeanwent on pitilessly.

1961A LOVER or TRUTH

Yes, but I am not very you ng.

Something in the set white face of her sistersmote Helen to the heart. I thought youwould be glad, she sa id, for you are so fondof u s both.

I hope youwill be very happy, Jean returnedin a constrained voic e, a n d I am sure you deserve to be, on ly I can’t u nderstand it.”

At first I felt just as you do it seemed tome impossible ; but after I had been away fromhim five months, I found I c ared.”

Helen was long ing for sympathy, an d shewanted to pour the whole story into her sister’sc ar, but she cou ld not do it now.

Jean sat in silenc e for a moment longer, thenshe kissed Helen an d left the room. H ow c a n

I hear it she a sked herself.She felt tha t she must get into the broadspaces of out of doors. It was a gray day , withthe promise of snow in the air, bu t she pu t onher bicycle suit an d mounted her machine, although the roads were not especially inviting.

I cannot bear it,” she sa id to herself over an d

over aga in, an d I cannot understand it.”

Jean took a long ride through the brown desolate country, hardly noticing where she went,on an d on , only caring to be in motion, with thevague feeling tha t she cou ld somehow outrideher trouble an d leave it on the road. It was not


Helen, all her life, has been u n selfish, bless her IWell, she deserves to be happy, but I cannotu nderstand how Uncle James c an satisfy her IHow reserved we New Englanders are I All

Helen said was, When I came back after fivemonths, I fou nd I cared.

’ But it pierced methrough an d through with certa in convictionwhen she sa id it. If she had spoken volumesshe cou ld not have told me more. I wish I werea man , an d that she cared for me. How paleit seems to mak e everything else IJean rode on an d on , with ha rdly a glance

at the surrounding cou ntry, until she suddenlyfound herself on a road that came to a full stopbefore a brick farmhouse. She knew then thatshe must have taken the wrong tu rn at the

c orner. A woman in a cal ico gown an d someu n kempt children were watching her from the

window. She remembered that a Mrs. Miles,who was a patient of her uncle’s, lived there.The woman came out on the front doorstep.

Won’t yer come in an d get warm, MissReyc roft she asked.

Thank you ; I am so cold I will stop for a

minute. I was out for a little ride, an d tookthe wrong tu rning.

”

She followed Mrs. Miles into the forlornsitting-room, that seemed alive with cats an d


How ’s yer uncle inquired her hostess.

H e is very well, thank you.

An d how’s yer sister H e

’s had her with

him the last two times he ’s come. I never seeher before. She sat right there in that rockeryou ’re in , an d I thought I never see a younglady who seemed to take such an interest. Thebaby come right to her, an d he is usu ally kindof scared of stran gers.”

Jc an , not to be outdone by Helen , put out herhands to this young person, but he scowled at

her a n d hid his face in his mother’s gown.

Your sister an d the doctor was awfu l kind,Mrs. Miles proceeded. They brought u s a

whole box of Christma s presents. The doctorgot out a n d left ’em yesterday, as he was driving by , he an d your sister. They sa id ’

t wan’tto be opened till Christmas, but Lord I youcan’t keep nothing like tha t from six children,if they catches sight of it. Tell your sister thelittle petticoats is just the right size for Maria,by taking of a tu ck in them. I dare say you

helped to make ’em,Miss Reyc roft ?

No, I have been very hard at work with mypa inting, an d I have n

’t had time to do much

for Christmas.You r uncle ’s a real good man ,

Mrs. Milescontinued presently. Jake don’t seem to feelas if we cou ld have an y one else. When little


Jake was ill, we had Dr. Rey c roft, an d when hegive him up we knew ’

t was so. H ow manychildren have you got, Mrs. Miles says he,kinder gruff. Seven,

’ says I . Well, you’11

only have six now,’ says he. Then he got up

an d looked out of the winder, an d I knew hewas sorry for u s, though he drove off in a greathurry. An d now he never comes without trying to make friends with the children, thoughthey are kind of scared of him, same as they isof you. I never saw the doctor in such goodspirits as he was the other day ; seems as if itwa’n’t the same man . What, must you go sosoon

,Miss Reyc roft I ’m real sorry the baby

is so naughty,” for Jean had made another at

tempt to win him over. You are a bad boy,Jc c . She ’s the sister of the nice lady with thered ha ir, the lady who showed you her watc h.

I have a watch too,” sa id Jea n . Let me

show you my watch before I go she askedin pleading accents of the baby.

H e vigorously shook his head an d hid hisface in his mother’s skirts.How old is he ?Twenty-two months next Friday.

Oh,” she sa id vaguely.

Your sister thought he was large of his

I ’m afra id I don’t know how large a child


Jean was only twenty-seven years old, but lifea s she looked back to her childhood alreadyseemed very long. It was ages an d ages agowhen she had la in with wide-open eyes, miserable because Alan liked Elsie best, an d longingto be grown up to escape her anguish . Shecould not have imagined then tha t there was afar greater trial in store for her than anythingcon n ected with Alan Nichols. Novels makethe love between men an d women the chief interest in life,

” she reflec ted, an d do not prepare u s for the awful su fierin g there is in storefor u s through the other relations.” I f itseemed far away to her childish days, almosttwenty years, how much longer it wou ld be, inall probability, to the end of her life. In twentyyears more she would be not yet fifty , not soold as her uncle ; add another twenty years a n dshe wou ld not be seventy, some years youngerthan her grandfather. After a while I shallnot mind so much, she thought, b u t the lonelin ess will go on a n d on a ll my life ! I couldhardly live through it when Helen was gonelast summer, an d now she will be gone a lways,an d never mine aga in, but his.

”

It was beg inning to snow. At first Jean didnot notice it, but as the flakes grew thicker shewas forced to think of the distance that laybetween her an d home. She rode on in a kind


of dogged indifference. As she approached thevillage, the traveling grew more an d more impossible, a n d at la st she had to come to a fu llstop

, fin din g that one of her tires was pu nctu red.

She made up her mind to lead her bicycle u ntilshe came to the Nic holses’, an d then throw herself on Alan ’s mercy, an d get him to drive herhome.Alan an d Elsie were sitting together in theparlor. H e was in his favorite armcha ir, witha book an d a cigar, an d she was putting thefin ishin g touches to the costume of a fla lfyha ired doll .Come, Alan, Elsie sa id, you really mu st

look at this sweet thing. Is n ’t she a beautyan d she held up for his inspection the tiny figure clothed in c ap an d cloak of blue.

Very pretty,” he mu rmured.

But, Al an, you did n’t really look. See,

she shuts her eyes, so. An d look at her dearlittle shoes tha t I made myself. I wish thatyou ever did take an interest in anything exceptbooks.”

While we are wishing, I wish you did n’t

interru pt me when I am reading books . Thereis the door-bell. For heaven ’s sake, Elsie, don

’tlet an y one come in here.

”

Alan was so constituted that he disliked bores,an d he included a large proportion of the human


race in this category. It was one of the chiefobjects of Elsie’s life to protect him from an

noyance. Alan is a silent, shy man ,

” shewas fond of saying to those persons who did notinterest him, the ac tual fac t being that when hehad a congenial listener few men could outdohim in talking. Jc an found Elsie’s efforts toexpla in her husband an d conceal his defectsboth divertin g an d pathetic.When Elsie opened the door an d saw hercousin, she gave a little cry of delight.

Oh,Jean, I

’m so glad it ’s you. Don’t go

into the parlor, dear ; it is cold there. We’11

be ever so much more,comfortable in the

library.

”

Al an, however, had caught the sou nd of Jean’s

voice. Bring her in here,Elsie,

” he orderedperemptorily. It is n ’t cold ; there

’s a fire.

”

You sa id you did n’t want to see an ybody,

Elsie began.

I did n ’t know it was Jean. Oi course Iwan t to see her.”

H e gave her a n unusually gracious welcome.There are few women who c an be wholly proofaga inst the flattery of such a greeting from an

habitually undemonstrative man .

Jean told them of her misadventure, an d sa idshe had come to beg tha t they wou ld send herhome.


Jc an admired the doll as heartily as hercousin cou ld wish. Gi ve her to me, Elsie.I ’ll take her over an d see about the carriagemyself.”

But Elsie da nced out of the room before Jeancou ld stop her.

Alan, she is going across the street in thissnowstorm , with nothing on her head. I meantto go myself. She was so quick I did n

’t realiz e

wha t she was about.”

Yes, Elsie always is quick, he sa id imper

Jc an was indignant with him , but her displeasure was checked by recollecting that sheherself was at the root of the trouble.She has on her slippers, she added, after

another glance at Elsie’s retreating figu re.

Alan came over to the window. So she has,the cra z y c h ild I Well, we can

’t do an ythingabout it. She is ha lfway over there now. Youmay as well sit down quietly a n d amuse me.I have been thinking of you all the time that Ihave been reading, an d wanting to talk over thisessay with you, a n d then you came in at thedoor as if in answer to my wish, like a Christmas fa iry.

Jean’s indignation considerably abated.

What are you read ing she asked.

Stevenson. H e speaks of ou r all talking


different dialects, but he puts things in the u n iversal langu age. Listen to this :

The body is a house of many windows.There we all sit, showing ourselves, an d cryingto the passers-by to come an d love n a g butth is fellow has filled his windows with opaqueglass, elegantly colored meanwhile the poorproprietor must lie langu ishing within, u n c om

forted, u nchangeably alone.’

How true that is I Alan said. There issomething appalling in the loneliness of life.”

Yes, there is,” Jc an assented.

You feel it, too I thought you disagreedwith me.There must be times when we all feel it ;

an d Christmas, when every one is merry, an d wehave done nothing towards the general mirth,an d so feel left out, is one of them.

”

I hate Christmas I he exclaimed ferven tly.I wish it could be abolished. But I want toread you some other pa ssages

To reach the truth by yea a n d n ay c ommu

n ic ation s implies a questioner with a share ofinspira tion Is n ’t that goodH e read on in his expressive voice, whichbrought the meaning out of a page more convin c in g ly than an y other voice that Jean hadever known , pausing every n ow an d then tomake comments.


There is the door-bell, she sa id at last.Just go to the door, will you, Jc an , please

I don’t want to get caught.”

She fou nd one of the Morleys’maids, whohad come to say that they would send her home,a n d to ask if she wou ld not like to see the Christmas tree, while she was wa itin g for the horse tobe harnessed.

Let her tell them to come for you here,sa idAlan, when she repea ted the message ; youknow you ’d much rather hear me read Stevenson .

”

I want to see the Christmas tree, an d so,

althou gh I’m sorry to miss the reading, I shall

have to say good-by .

As you like,” he sa id stiffly.

I ’ve hu rt his feelings,” thought Jean , but

I can’t help it, for he is really getting in su lferable ; Elsie has spoiled him .

”

When Jean reached the Morleys’, she had a

still stronger feelin g of Christma s everywhere,a n d she alone shut out from it.Is n ’t it a beautiful tree Elsie a sked.

An d think of all the little poor children whohave never seen such a sight ! Won’t it be fu nto see their plea sureJean gaz ed with admiration at the gracefu lhemlock,with its branches loaded with glisteningballs an d dolls a n d other toys, an d its many red,

A LOVER OF TR UTH

Tha t was nothing.

As she drove throu gh the sn owstorm byGeorge

’s side, Jc an had the first sen sation of

in g her overwhelming news ; a n d yet, su c h isthe inna te ingratitu de of the human mind, shewas already reg retting the u n fin ished Stevensonessay.

I cou ld n ’t have stayed to listen to it,” she

reflec ted. I mn’t spoil Alan, wha tever Elsie

may do, but it was a pity, for he does read de

George, she sa id presently, I have only

g iven to the rich this yea r, an d I shou ld like todo somethin g about your tree. How many children are thereTwenty. Ten boys an d ten g irls.The poor are an unknown quantity to me,

she confessed. I never kn ow wha t to say tothem, an d I do so hate to go into their houses.I don’t see how Virg inia c an do so much charitywork. Do you like the poor she askedbluntly.

That depends. I kn ow only a few poorpeople, an d some of them I like an d some Idon’t like. You can’t ticket off your fellow bein gs in tha t way into classes. I

’m not daft on

the poor, as Virgin ia is, if that is what youmean.

”


You do have a most human way of lookingat everything,

” sa id Jean . A few minutes laterthey stopped at the toy-shop. Please come inan d help me choose twenty ten-cent things,

”

she begged. My fin a n c es are low, you see,although my impu lses are generous .

”

They stood before the shelves of toys, an dJea n made various suggestions. What a fasc in atin g woolly lamb I she excla imed, but Isuppose it costs ever an d ever so much

Only twenty-five cents,”answered the young

girl behind the coun ter.That is too muc sa id Jean , shaking her

head. I shou ld have to get ten of them if Igot an y .

She felt like a child who had come to spendher small portion of worldly goods in companywith her big brother.

Oh, I know what I will get for the girls, a

bottle of perfumery. There was nothing I likedso much when I was a child, an d I suppose littlegirls are the sam e n ow She looked inquirin g ly at the shop-girl as she spoke.Yes, miss, they are. My little sisters are

all cra z y over perfumery.

It wou ld be more interesting to get different kinds of perfume an d have the bottles tiedwith different colored ribbon, but I am going toget all violet, an d have them all tied to the tree


with lavender ribbon. You see, if you are a

little gir she expla ined to George, an d getrose perfume tied with a pin k ribbon, you are

su re to want the violet perfume your friend has ,an d vic e versa ; so my presents are all to be

7,

She selec ted tin soldiers for the boys, an d

then handed over her g ifts to George. As theyleft the shop, he called her attention to a groupof hu ngry-eyed children looking in through thewindow, an d fastening their eyes on differentobjects.I can’t stand that, he sa id. Wa it a min

u te. Step in out of the snow while I see tothem .

A little later six articles had disappeared fromthe shelf, a n d six small boys were blissfullyhappy, while George was richer or poorer, aocording to wha t value we give sentiment as

weighed aga inst mon ey .

Jean was worn out with the various emotionsof the day , an d as she took her place in thebuggy, she was appalled to fin d the tears coming into her eyes. She seldom cried, an d it hadnot occurred to her that this little scene wouldbring the tears which had n ot come in responseto a grea t trial. Suddenly, however, the misery of life overcame her. She thought of themany children who looked wistq y at toys that


hereafter, she reflected. Then she made a

great efiort ; she might be jealous an d miserable, but no one shou ld suspect it.Uncle James,

” she sa id, “Helen has told mesomething that makes me so very glad for bothof you.

”

Are n’t you glad for yourself, Jc an

Yes. I have always wanted a brother, an dnow I shall have one.”

HE L EN an d Dr. R eyc roft were to be marriedearly in March, an d the announcement causedan extraordinary excitement in Edgecomb.

It is just like the doctor to insist on havinga thing right stra ight ofi,

” sa id Mrs. Thorn dyketo her daughter an d son-in -law.

It strikes me,” sa id Al an‘

, that the doctorhas been moderately deliberate about this partic u lar thing. Fifty-five, is n

’t he

Alan, you always are so sharp I returnedhis mother-in -law. I mean tha t to be marriedtwo months after you are engaged is rushingthings terribly. If men ever had to get a

trou ssea u themselves, they wou ld be more considerate.”

I can’t understand how Helen could evermake up her mind to marry him,

” sa id Elsie,but I suppose she is sorry for him.

”

Why a sked her husband. Becau se heis so irritableMy dear Alan, remonstrated Mrs. Thom

dyke, an y man is to be pitied, poor sou l, whosefu rniture coverings are worn shiny, an d whose


parlor carpet has a threadbare place in the corner. An d the doctor is very much in love withher ; tha t may have had something to do withitWell, sa id Al an, if a man has known a

woman ever since she was a young girl, an d

has n’t had the sense to fall in love with her n u

til she ’s over thirty, he does n’t deserve to win

her. I don’t like middle-aged marriages. If aman is going to make a fool of himself

,he ’d

better do it when he is young.

Alan, how disagreeable of you ! Do youmean that you think you made a fool of yourself when you married me ? inquired Elsie.I was generaliz ing.

”

They seem just as happy as if they wereyoung,

" Elsie ventured.

That is what I object to, sa id Alan.

Every age has its proper plea sures. Let girlsan d boys flirt if they will, an d young men an dwomen marry if they must, but let the middleaged settle down to a career of quiet usefu lness.Wha t business have they with falling in lovean d marrying ? It jars on one’s sense of fitn essan d nice propriety.

An d so you wou ld have the poor doctorkeep on with his old hospital an d sick people,in his dilapidated house, without a bit of comfort

,instead of trying to make a nice girl like


But she need n ’t give it u p, Elsie protested.

A great many women keep on with their c a

reers after they are married.

”

Oh,if a woman happens to marry a man

who is contented to play second fiddle to a c a

reer, it’s all right. But the average man is n ’t

made in that way .

I f you had married a woman with a career,wou ld you ha ve let her go on with it Elsiedemanded.

Well,” he answered deliberately, there

does n ’t seem to be much need of deciding whatI wou ld have done in that case, as I don

’t seemto have married that sort of wife.”

I am sure George would be very glad tohave Jc an go on with her pa inting,

” Elsie proc eeded. H e is so proud of her talen t. H e isone of the few really u n selfish , sweet-temperedmen I know.

”

It is easy enough to be u n selfish an d sweettempered if you have everything you want.George was two years behind me at Cambridge ;an d when I was denying myself even the n ec essities, in order to get through, because my fatherdid n ’t believe in my goin g to Harvard, Georgewas idling away his time, an d loafin g aroundwith plen ty of money to use in bein g generousto the other fellows. Consequently he was a

favorite, an d I was not. Is it strange that histemper is better than mine


No, you poor dear but I think you have avery sweet temper. It is nice it was all made upto you when you married me, is n

’t it, Al an

H e did not reply, an d Elsie came over to hisside to cla im a kiss.Don’t mind me in the least, Alan, observed

Mrs. Thorndyke. I am sentimental myself,a n d it is a pleasure to me to see you an d Elsieas devoted a s when you were first engaged.

Here comes Jean ,

” Elsie sa id. We wereju st talkin g about you, dear. Alan was sayingtha t he thought you were such a genius that hehoped you wou ld n ever marry.

”

Elsie, I wish you wou ld stop quoting me,or else quote me accura tely. You have givenJc an the idea tha t I was discussing her in an

unwarrantable way , whereasWherea s mamma an d I drove you into the

discussion,” Elsie concluded comfortably ; but

you did say , dear, thaNever .mind what I sa id ; it is n

’t worth

repeating.

”

Jean had come to borrow her cousin’s patternfor a cape, an d therefore made on ly a short call.I am so busy that I must go directly b acshe informed them. A wedding is most upsetting to a household.

I ’ll walk home with you as far as the postofi c e,

” sa id Alan.


Your man was getting the letters as Istopped there.”

W ell, then I’ll walk along with you for the

sake of you r society .

”

Jean’s irritation aga in st Alan for his c onducton Christmas Eve had not yet subsided, but itwas impossible for her not to en joy him whenhe was in his present friendly mood. Theytalked of in difieren t matters at first, but fin a llyhe sa id, I ’m not going to c ongra tu late youon your sister’s engagement, Jc an , for I kn owwhat an upheaval it must make in your life,an d how you cannot be glad in your heart ofhearts.”

Jc an was dismayed to fin d that he understoodher so well, for she had stru ggled with her firstselfishn ess an d jealousy until she had put themfar enough in the background to take a gen uineinterest in all Helen’s concerns ; an d n ow tohave Al an calmly estimate her at her lowestvalua tion was an ythin g but flatterin g .

When a thing is fin al you ’ve simply got toaccept it an d like it, if on ly for selfish reasons,

”

she sa id with decision.

I admire your plu ck but how c an youmake yourself like a thing simply becau se youou ghtI ’ve don e it a great many times. It is like

washing pa int bru shes. If I have to do it, I


people belong to u s, we are bound to look at

their fin er side.Tha t is ju st where we differ. We do not

choose our relatives, an d I cannot see ou r obli

gation to like them. Our friends we do choose ;they may di sappoint u s or wemay tire of them,but as we chose them we must be loyal. I havenever given u p a friend.

”

I f I were a ma n whom you had once likedan d did n ’t approve of an y more,

” sa id Jc an ,I wou ld ra ther you gave me up entirely than tohave you coldly doing your duty by me. Loveis what we want from our friends, far more thandolla rs an d cents, or even help when we arein a scrape, althou gh su ch thin gs are usefu l.Du ty is palatable on ly when love is mixed upwith it.”

Life seems so simple when we are young,mu sed Alan. We think then that it is goingto be easy to be perfectly tru thfu l . I wonder if

you remember an y of my old theories I wishfrom my hea rt that I could carry my conclusionsto their logical end, but the common moral ityan d conventionality of the world forbid it.

”

I must stop at this store an d get some ribbon for Helen,

” sa id Jean , whose mind hadbeen wandering to her errand.

Life is easy enough for a woman, Alanretu rned, with a bitter little laugh, for if she


is in an y moral perplexity, all she has to do isto go down town shopping.

”

I did n ’t mean to be rude, but I must getthe ribbon. Will you wa it for me ? Or shallI say good-by to you hereI will say good-by now. I give way to the

superior attractions of my rival .

E L sm was ill again. Poor Elsie had had somany little illnesses of late, an d demanded somuch sympathy, that her friends were begin n in gto tire of her pretty invalid ways. .First therewas the cold she took by going out in her slippers on Christinas E ve, which was very carelessof her, as her hu sband did not fail to point out ;an d then there was the attack of grippe shehad, after her cou sin Helen

’s wedding, when shewould insist upon wearin g a low-necked gown,contrary to Dr. R eyc roft

’s orders ; an d now that

the east winds of M ay had arrived, her neura l

gia returned.Bu tterflies have a necessary place in theworld so long as they flit about an d make u sglad by their blight happiness ; but a b u tterflywith a broken wing is a difieren t matter. Mostof u s say, Poor thing, what a pity I an d passon to other b u tterflies who are fu lfillin g theirmission. Jean was one of those women whoseafiec tion is always the tenderer for b u tterflieswhen their wings are broken. She had neverloved Elsie half so dearly as she did now, when


H e sat down by the window an d unfolded hisnewspaper.

Alan, please don’t read. I want you to

H e controlled himself with an efiort, an d

brought his chair over close to the couch whereshe was lyin g. She seized his hand an d c c v

ered it with kisses.Shall I tell you about my day’s work ? he

asked, soften ing visibly.

Yes, do, dear. That will be very plear

Well, those people I told you of have lefttheir tenemen t at la st, an d the ca se won

’t haveto be carried up to the superior court. I thou ghtthey were going to appeal.”

Wha t peopleThe shiftless man with the sick wife, in

whose fate you seemed so much interested.

”

Oh, I remember. The poor thin gs I Cou ldn’t you have managed to let them stay thereCerta inly n ot. My object was to get them

out The lan dlord was my client.”

But he must have had a great deal moremoney than they had. It was a shame to turnthem out when she was ill .”

She wa s n ’t so ill but she could move fa stenough. Most women c an brac e up if it ’snecessary .


I suppose so. Oh, how my head ac hes I

Alan, will you please hand me that vina igretteI don’t want to hear about such dreary things.Tell me something interesting that you havebeen doing.

”

I am afra id I have n ’t been doing anythingthat you wou ld call interesting.

”

H e gave her the vinaigrette, .an d then took aseat by the window aga in.

Al an, do put down that paper.Elsie, as my conversation does not seem to

plea se you, I may as well read the Herald.

’

There was silence for a couple of minutes,an d then she sa idTell me some more about the shiftless man

an d his sick wife. Did you have to turn themout of the tenement yourself, dearNo ; I don

’t have to do such dirty work as

that, thank Heaven ! I’m not a constable.”

Of course not,” she sa id hastily. What

wou ld have happened if the case had gone tothe superior court she inquired presently.

The man’s defen se would not have amountedto anything. The pla in tifi wou ld have got possession of the ten emen t, an d could have re

covered, by suing the sureties on the appealbond

, all rent due an d damages an d costs.”

Cou ld he really she sa id, throwing greatanimation into her manner. I don’t see an y


sense in going to law at all in a ca se like that,if you are sure to lose it. Tell me some moreabout it, dear.

”

H e c omplied readily enough. Her attentionspeedily wandered, but she was happy in feelingthat he was enjoying himself. She sa id, “

.Yes,an d How very interesting I when ever it seemedto be expected of her, an d this encouraged herhusband to proceed with the account of anothercase, a suit brought aga inst the maker of a promissory note. After a long an d technica l explanation of the points involved, he fin ally concluded : “An d so, of course, you see we c ou ldn’thold the rich indorsers, an d shall have to try toget something out of the maker, who, I am afra id,is in solvenBut when his wife is ill, it does seem too

hard,” Elsie objected.

H is W ife H e has n’t an y wife. Oh, you

mean the woman who was tu rned out of the tenemen t-house. I ’ve been talking about anothercase for the la st five min utes. There is no usein my ever trying to talk to you about anythingthat interests me. H e took up the Heraldaga in.

Alan IThere was no reply.

Alan IStill he did not answer.


yourself. There is some one at the front door,he added presently, in accents of relief. Oh,it ’s Jean .

Jean came stra ight over to her sobbing cousin .

What is the matter ‘7 she asked.

My poor head. It ac hes so. It has beenac hing all day, until it seems as if I should gowild.

”

Jean was as helpless as Alan 1n the presenceof pa in . If Helen were here she ’d know whatto do for you, but I c an only be very sorry,

” shesa id.

Five minutes later Elsie was laughing as merrily as if there were no headaches in the world,which seemed to justify Alan in his theory.

When Jc an rose to go he sa id he would walkhome with her.I thought you were goin g to stay with me,

Elsie su ggested wistfu lly. I won’t talk an y

more about my head, if it bores you.

I ’ll be back directly.

Alan,” Jea n began, as soon as they were out

of the house, “ I feel worried about Elsie.” Sheproceeded to dwell on some of her cousin’s symp.

toms, an d to suggest that she needed a changeof climate an d of scene.Al an heard her in silence for some moments,but fin ally his patience was exhausted. Jean,

”

he sa id, I don’t think you quite u nderstand the


situation. Elsie’s troubles are largely imaginary. If you lived with her you would see thatshe compla ins if she pricks her fin ger. I am

not blaming her,” he added hastily. I have no

doubt that her head is trou blesome, b u t I am

sure if she were to brace u p, she wou ld be a llright Mind cure is wha t she needs.

”

I don’t agree with you, Al an ; petting an dsympathy are what she needs.If you pet her an d pity her, it keeps her

mind on herself an d makes her ten timesworse.”

Have you ever tried it ?Well, not what you would call petting an d

pitying, perhaps, they are not much in myline ; but you an d Helen have, an d after youhave gone she is always more exa cting.

Poor child,” sa id Jean softly, perhaps she

misses the petting.

”

Elsie, like most women, has but one idea at

a time,” he went on , an d when that idea hap

pens to be her a ilments, it makes conversationdiffic u lt. When I come in I try to divert hermind, but I

’m not always very suc cessful.

You talk about law a n d politics she su ggested.

Sometimes.Jean had been getting more an d more . ex as

perated with Al an during the last few weeks ;


an d much as she disliked to make herself disagreeable, she felt that the time had come forspeech.

Al an, she sa id, if you had severe pa in,an d Elsie never pitied you, but kept up a

cheerfu l talk all the time about her gowns an dthe servants, do you think it wou ld brace youu p ?

H e was silent a moment. Then he repliedfrankly, I don

’t su ppose it would.

”

What you wou ld like wou ld be to have herpity a n d comfort you an d tell you how muchshe loved you. Poor little E lsie I it is hardenough to be ill, even with all the petting an dloving an d comforting that one c an get.”

Alan seemed on the point of speakin g, b u tchecked himself an d presently changed the subjc et.When he bade her good-by , Jean sa id awk

wardly an d shyly, Al an, it was very ru de ofme to give you advice abou t what is n ’t in theleast my business, on ly we both love Elsiedearly, an d wan t to do the best for her, an d Ifeel strongly that your way , although c on sc ien

tious, is mistak en. She is.

such a dear I An d

it seems pathetic for her to crave outward expression an d not get it, when the feelin g isthere. But perhaps you are right. You knowher a great deal better than I do.

”


No, she answered steadily, I am not sorryfor you, beca u se you are strong an d a man , an d

have the whole outside world to live in . I amsorry for Elsie, because she is ill a n d a woman.

Good-night !As Jean hurried into the hou se she acknow

ledged to herself that she had not told Al an thetruth when she sa id she was not sorry for him .

She had never felt so sorry for a n y one in herwhole life With her power of putting herselfin an other’s place, she cou ld feel keenly thedreary sense of nothing being worth while, thatmu st surely come to a man when he first beginsto recogniz e that his marriage is a disappointment. She could imag in e how eagerly he wou ldcling to what was left, the charm an d gayetywhich had once infatuated him ; but when theyhad departed, it wou ld take a man of strongcharacter or great power of loving to make thebest of the inevitable. An d yet he had chosenElsie, an d he had promised to love her, n ot onlyin joy an d in health, but in sickness a n d sorrow.

It was for him to accept bravely the disciplineof thi s marriage, loving his wife the more dearlybecau se she sufl

'

ered, cherishin g her the moretenderly on account of her very fau lts. W as

Alan strong enough to do this H e was notloving enough, for his was a natu re that valueda thing in proportion to the diffic u lty of its


a tta inment. When Elsie had been a fa scinatinggirl, bestowin g her smiles impartially on an ad

miringworld, she had appealed far more to hisheart an d imagination than she did now, whenshe loved him with a pa ssionate affection thatwou ld have moved a warmer nature to thequ ick. W as he strong enough to do it shea sked herself aga in ; an d she answered, Yes.She felt that in time he would adjust himself tothe changed conditions of his marriage, an d shebelieved that the pity which all strong menmust feel for the fra il an d weak would be thevery in flu en c e that was needed to soften hischa rac ter. H e was so fin e in many ways, sohonest an d truthfu l, an d he had such a high ifnarrow sense of duty, that she cou ld not fin d itin her heart to predict for him fa ilure an d disillusion. No, everything wou ld surely come outright in the end, but alas I she could not helpthem. Her intervention would on ly serve towiden the breach between them, an d pity wasthe very la st thing that she mu st give him.

It was a comfort to remember that she hadan evening at Helen’s in store for her, an d shechanged her gown with nervous haste an d wentdown to her sister’s.Dr. R eyc roft lived in a square, old-fashionedwhite hou se, a little nearer the village than hergrandfather’s, an d on the same side of thestreet.


When Jc an entered the parlor, she foundHelen sitting before the bla z ing wood fire, mending one of her hu sband’s coats. She rose witha glad exclamation, putting her arms a round hersister an d kissing her warmly. They had beensomewha t sparin g of caresses in the old days,but this demonstrativeness on Helen’s side wasa part of the n ew order of things. She is sohappy that she is running over with ben evolence an d good will toward the whole worlJc an thought.

Oh, Helen, dear, it is such a comfort to seeyou, she sa id. I ’ve been with Elsie, poorchild ! Whenever I come to your house, I feelsmoothed out morally an d mentally, an d ex hil

a rated as if I were in the mounta ins. You ’vechanged this room very little, an d yet you ’vegiven it wha t it needed, just by being in it. Itu sed to lack atmosphere, a n d seem dreary.

Now it ’s the pleasantest room I know.

”

Jc an ,what a flatterer you are ! You an d

your uncle will completely spoil me.”

So Uncle James is a fiatterer too I nevershould have suspected it.”

Jean had once thought that her affection wassu ffic ien t for her sister’s happiness ; now shewondered at her egotism.

!Here was Helen, notyet three months married, an d a different person already, with broader sympathies an d a


whether they are sincere or not, especia lly today , for I was very low in my mind when Ic ame here, so plea se go on .

”

That is a charming gown of you rs, he oh

served. I t’s new, is n

’t it ?

I t is on ly three years old, she sa id withresignation . I ’m glad you like it, though, forit g ives me c on fiden c e in it. You are looking atthings through rose-colored spectacles, when youadm ire this old gown I Uncle James, have youbegu n to get tired of Helen yet ? Becau se whenever you do, I shall be glad to take her b acShe is annoying at times, b u t I

’ve decided

that the friction of life with her is good for mycharacter.”

What does she do that is annoying ?She is so infernally good natured that I

have never had the satisfaction of losing mytemper once since we were married, an d she isdeath on du st. Now I ’ve always ma inta inedthat top shelves were a very su itable restingplac e for it. An d she is extravagan t. Shemakes me have a fire every cool day ; an d sheinsists upon my stopping to eat my meals whenI ’m in a frantic hurry to get off.”

Plea se give her back to me, then . I ’m perfectly willing to have her do all my dusting,a n d I like a fire, an d our meals have fallen offdreadfu lly since she left.


I can’t in conscience do it, Jean. She ’sspoiled you long enough. I wou ld n ’t haverisked your character another six months underher in flu en c e.

”

Uncle James, you an d Helen look too provokin g ly happy ! Do you think I ought to sayAunt Helen,

’by the way ? I suppose it wou ldbe more respectful. Or sha ll I call you pla inJamesDon’t call me plain James, I beg of you.

It was b ad enough to have you pa int me as

pla in James.”

You are growing so handsome I shall haveto paint another portrait ofGood heavens, n o I Helen, is n

’t it for

tu n ate that we are going to Europe thi s summer ? If she does me at all, she

’11have to do a

memory sketch.

’

You are going to Europe I Jean cried.

Yes, we are going for two months,”assented

Helen. I did n ’t think it was fa ir to tell youuntil your u ncle came in . I ’ve been trying forsome weeks to make him take a vac ation, an dI ’m so pleased.

”

How delightfu l for both of you I sa id Jc anheartily. An d she thought, How c an I livefor two months without them !

X VIII

JEAN stood before her half-pac ked tru nk, trying to make a broad-brimmed shade hat an d a

dainty best one, trimmed with lac e an d pinkroses, go successfully into the same bonnet-box.

She might have the joy cru shed ou t of her because her sister had gone to Eu rope, but thiswa s no reason why her best hat should sharethe same fate . The hat a n d its wearer weregoing to the seashore to spen d a fortnight withSusie Hobbs. Jean had come to that pointwhere she felt she must have a change ; a n d as

her grandfather was to be in the mounta ins withfriends for a part of his vac ation, she couldleave home with an ea sy mind. She had determined not to give a thought to an y of her problems while she was gone. As long as she stayedin Edgecomb she cou ld n ot get away from thesen se of responsibility about Alan a n d Elsie,an d now that she no longer had the antidote ofHelen’s cheerful presence it was doubly hard.

Elsie wa s losing strength, an d growing moreexacting an d compla ining. Jean thought it possible that her advice to Alan had borne fruit,


But you seem in su ch good spirits always,so serene, as if you

’d got to a plac e where

nothing made much differenc e. I su ppose it ’sbecau se you are so stron g . I was always cheerfu l on ce. Alan used to say I was like a humming-bird. H e does n ’t say tha t now, poorAlan ! H e will miss you , too. Don’t go homeju st yet. Alan will be so disappointed not tosee you .

”

I can’t wa it tc , sec him. I ’m in a grea thu rry. I will leave a good-by for him withyou. When I come back I shall be able to tellyou all abou t Susie’s house an d Polly. She ’sfa scinatin g.

”

Yes. Fred Hobbs seems perfectly wrappedup in her. It ’s queer to see such a silent, awkward ma n so cra z y over a child. You mu st besure to tell me wha t he says an d does.”

H e is, only going to be down there on Sun

days, so I shall have Susie all to myself, an d itwill be ju st like old times.”

Jean , you have a way of talking of men youdon’t like as if they were the dirt beneath yourfeet. Fred Hobbs is very nice. if you only treathin i well. Here comes Alan now ! How goodof him to bring me such beautifu l roses ! Jc anhas been talking about husbands as if they werepoor sticks at the best, just a necessary adjunctto wives ; I tell her they are delightful. Jc an ,

don’t go, yet.

A LOVER OF TR UTH

I will walk home with you , if you must go,said Alan.

Thank you, but I’m on my bicycle. Good

by .

H e followed her out into the hall. You ’11write to u s he asked.

She shook her head. Elsie an d I are notgoin g to write letters. We are on ly going towrite postal-cards. There will be so much moreto tell when I get back.

”

Won ’t you shake hands with me hebegged, a n d a llow me to say I

’m very sorry

you are going, an d that I shall miss you, even ifyou are so ungrateful as to think my sex of noaccountThat was only Elsie’s fu n . She seemsmore

like herself to-day . I do hope you ’ll decide totry the mounta ins for her.

I wou ld if you ’d go with her, instead ofmaking Su sie Hobbs a visit, but I

’m too busy

to get away at present, an d she says she won’t

go without me. I really don’t know how we

sha ll get along without you, Elsie an d I .

”

That is the way I felt when Helen an d UncleJames went to Europe.”

It is always the person to whom we are notnecessary who is necessary to a s,

” he stated

W hat a gloomy doctrine, she called back

244 ALOVER OF TE UTH

from the doorstep, an d oh, how I hope it is n

’t

You may ,depend upon it, it is true, Al an

said, a s he followed her down the bricked walk.

Just so long as you devote yourself to a par

tic u lar person, just so long that person will holdyou cheap. Give him a little wholesome neglect, an d you

’11soon have him at your feet.”

That may be tru e of some natures,” sa id

Jc an , as she mounted her bicycle, but reallywarm-hearted people are touched by devotion .

It was one of the hottest days of the sea sonwhen Jean left Edgecomb, but she forgot allmental a n d physical discomfort when she feltthe first invigorating breath of salt a ir. Shewas met at the station by Susie, who lookedrefreshingly cool an d da inty. Her matronlyfig u re an d poise of manner made her seem olderthan her twenty-seven years, b u t there was a perfec tion of fin ish about her that was most attraetive. In addition she had that comfortable lookof prosperity a n d unaffected pleasure in the goodthin gs of life, that, perhaps unjustly, one nevera ssociates with the very thin .

Well, this is delightful ! she sa id heartily.

They climbed into the depot wagon, an d Jea nwas soon absorbed in the view. Overhead wasa pale blue sky fiecked with clouds, while in


edge of the water, a n d commanded a view oif

the harbor, while boats an d a yellow strip ofbathing—beach were within two minutes’walk ofthe house. On this beach Jean would sit forhours, with Susie a n d the little Polly, who ra n

about barefoot, with her sma ll skirts tu cked upan d her yellow ha ir flying in the breez e, whilebathing, rowing, a n d sketching filled in the re

ma in der of the time. In this way Jean passedthree happy, tranquil days. At the en d of tha tperiod she wrote her first postal-card to hercousin, compressing into a few prosa ic sentencesall her delight in her visit.

DEAR E ., I arrived safely after a hot jour

ney. Here it ’s refreshingly cool,‘

the thermome

ter never going above eighty degrees. We are

out of doors every moment, an d a re very happy.

There is an unlet fu rnished house just aroundthe corner

,that S. an d I wish you an d A. would

take for August. It seems impossible tha t it isonly the first week in Ju ly . I already feel asif I had been away from home a month.

Your J

The day after she had dispatc hed her postalca rd

, as they were retu rn ing from a row, themaid greeted Jc a n with a telegram. She turn edpale a n d her hand trembled as she took it. Her

A LOVER OF TE UTE 247

first thought was that somethin g had happenedto Helen or her uncle ; her next was of her

grandfather. It occurred to her la st that Elsiemight be worse. She tore open the envelope,an d read :

Take the house. E . an d I will come downFriday. AL AN NI CH OL S.

I am su re that will be very pleasant, Susiesa id politely, when Jean showed her the telegram.

Yes, responded Jean . Each suspectedthat the other was n ot tellin g the truth.

I am a little sorry they are coming justnow, Susie ventu red, for Fred has asked theM orleys to come down with him on Saturdayfor a few days, an d George an d Alan never geton . It can’t be helped, however, a n d n ow weshall have to go right over an d put that housein order an d get in all their household supplies.”

Poor Susie ! I ought to do it all, for it is Iwho am responsible. It never oc curred to methey would come before next month. Alan sa idhe cou ld n ’t possibly get away.”

Alan c an always manage to do what hewants to do,

” sa id Susie.The N ic holses arrived, to fin d their house inperfect order, even to the kitchen closet, which


was well stocked, while a fire of driftwood wasbu rnin g in their parlor, an d a most appetiz in gtea was spread in the din ing - room. Elsie’spleasure was as outspoken as a child’s.

H ow fasc ina ting it is here I she excla imed .

An d wha t dears you are to have got everythin gready ! I wanted Alan to come down yesterdaywith Han nah, to oversee thin gs, but he would n

’t

hear of it. H e was sure you an d Jean wou lddirect her, but we never dreamed of this. It islike a fairy-story, an d you have even put wildroses in the vases. They are my favorite flower.

I feel years younger an d miles better already.

What pretty cushions ! I love tha t blue-a n dwhite Japa n ese stuff. Did they go with thehouseN0, Jc an a n d I covered some of my old ones.

We thought you could n ’t have too man y cushions.I can’t imagine Jean sewing on anything.

i That was a proof of afiec tion , darlin g I I am

never going to be tired an y more. Won’t it be

delightful to spend whole long days togetherYes, indeed. You must come over to-mor

row mornin g an d sit on our piaz z a ,” Susie sa id

hospitably.

When the Morleys an d Fred Hobbs arrivedupon the scene, Jea n was sorry to fin d tha t sa ilswere to take the plac e of rows, for she was the

250 A LOVER op TB CTH

of her, thou ght she ou ght to be amu sed, so

when Alan paused she told on e of her mostdivertin g stories. Susie begged her to ea t, as

she was sure that was what she needed, whileGeorge left h is post to arrange her cushionsfor her, a n d su ggested tha t Virg in ia shouldhold her sun shade so as to screen her from thelightWe shall land in half a n hour, he sa id in

his friendly voic e. It had never soun ded so

c omforting, an d Jean c ould have blessed himon the spot.Alan proceeded with his in formation c oncerning the two kinds of morals . Jean felt as ifeither sort, intu itive or utilitarian, ought to teac ha man tha t a woman does not want to be talkedto when she is seasick. His quiet voice, tha twent on an d on as relentlessly as fate, raspedher nerves

, a n d she wondered how Elsie cou ldbear to have him with her when she was ill .But as soon as she was on land she found hima far more interesting companion than GeorgeMorley, who had little to say ; in fac t, he nevertalked when Alan was at hand. Al an keen lyappreciated everything in the landscape thatappealed to her. The gray di lapidated warehouses an d the decaying wharves, tellin g ofbetter days, had the same pathetic beauty forthem both, an d attrac ted them far more than

A L OVE R OF TE UTH 251

the newer part of the city, which the otherspreferred. She felt that cu rious mental nearness to him which sensitive natures often feel,sometimes even when with a stranger, an d which

“for such a nature makes ha lf the charm of lifean d half its pa in. Such persons often have aninner vision of character, kn owing almost instin c tively what others take years to discover,b u t this keenness of sight unfortu nately doesnot c on fin e itself to the virtues.It is good to live on a day like this, sa id

Alan, as they came back together toward theha rbor, after ha ving explored the town.

It is n ’t good to live when you are on thewater, Jean assured him prosa ically.

Come, it is too b ad of you to take tha t tonewhen I am optimistic for once. I was going tosay that the red geraniums aga inst tha t old

gray house, an d the strip of blue sea beyond,with that one white sa il, an d the stifi saltbreez e, but most of all the society of the friendsone likes, combine to make one glad one isa live. So far as nature goes, the world is asatisfactory place . It is a pity we humanbeings contrive to spoil it for ourselves an d eachother.”

Yes, it is. But there are people who giveon e the same refreshment that n ature does.There are,

” he sa id sign ific an tly .

252 A LOVER OF TE UTE

I was thinking of my sister Helen ; butElsie, in her way , when she is in good spirits,g n es me something the same feeling. She is achild of na ture.”

Al an did not respond at once, but after a

moment’s silence he sa id, We a re talking oidifieren t things. I was thinkin g of the kind ofperson who g ives one a moral brace, an d makesone long to be better.”

There was another silence, an d then Jeansa id, Elsie seems like a difieren t creaturedown here. It is such a pleasure to have herher old self.Yes, it was just the change she needed.

You always know what is best for every one,Jean .

Let a s catc h up with the others, she suggested, quickening her pace, as Su sie, George,a n d Virg inia came out of a dark little shopwith their arms loaded down W ith bright-c oloredpottery.

The retu rn sa il was very like its predecessor.Once more the quieter virtu es triumphed.

George Morley, with his practical tact an d hisin stinctive sympathy, was canoniz ed, while Alanaga in became unendurable .I can’t believe that you have never been

seasick,” Jea n sa id to George, as he helped her

out of the boat.

254 A L OVE R or TE UTH

As Alan was not presen t, she cou ld sa felyrisk this remark.

Tha t 18 just what I shou ld like, sa idGeorge. Perhaps you

’11 let me carry your

sketching-traps, an d while you are busy I ’11go

Jea n was grateful to her heart’s core. This

was the most sa tisfac tory form of devotion tha tshe cou ld imagin e. Her con science, however,wou ld not allow her to ac cept it without a protest.

You ought to go on the sa il, she sa id.

It is very stupid to hunt a rou nd for a goodsubject, un less you are going to sketch.

’

I think I ’ll stay.

”

Susie was in despair. She could foresee prec lsely how their mornin g would be spent, an dshe determined that she would never, so longas she lived, try again to make a match for a

woman who was an artist.Just as George an d Jean were about to starton their expedition, it chanced that Polly camedown with her nurse, all equ ipped for an excu rsion to the beach. The little girl had takena fancy to Aunt Jc an ,

”as she called her, an d

had contrived to worm herself into her afiections, while George was a still dearer being in hereyes. She took hold of his hand in a c on fidingway an d remarked, Want to go to walk with


Aunt Jc an a n d George. I ’se be very good ; Ilove ’ou.

”

George was very fon d of children, but it hadnot been part of his plan to devote himself tothis small child to-day .

Polly is going to have a nice time withM aggie on the beach,

” he said.

She shook her head. Want to go to walkwith Aun t Jc an an d George,

” she reiterated.Not to-day , Polly, Jean sa id firmly . Aunt

Jc an is going to be busy with her sketch.

George c an play with Polly,” the small mite

announced, with a n irresistible glance from herblue eyes.George, who found it difi c u lt to refuse eventhe youn gest of the feminine sex her heart’sdesire, sa id, Oh, well, let her come along,M aggie. I ’ll look after her.An d so they proc eeded down the qu iet street,George carrying Jean’s ea sel, sketc hing-umbrella , an d pa int-box, Jea n takin g Polly

’s smallhand in hers. It was only for a moment, however, for the little girl immediately left Jc anan d tried to get possession of George’s handthat held the pa int-box. You take box,

” shesuggested to Jean , an d George take Polly.”

Jean laughed. You may as well hand overthe pa int-box, George,

” she sa id.

It was absurd that she should feel a pang


becau se George had supplanted her in Polly’saffections, but it was the truth. She did notwonder at the preference, however, for Georgewas growing to seem more lovable to her everyday . She liked his manlin ess an d his love forout-of-door sports she liked his friendly manner towards young an d old, rich an d poor a like,a n d his stra ightforward simplicity joined to n uselfishn ess an d humility. These qua lities wentfar toward making up for his practical tu rn ofmin d, which did not interest her.Now, Polly,

” he sa id, as they approachedthe harbor, we mu st fin d the most dilapidatedold hole we c an , for that

’s the sort of place your

Aunt Jean likes best.”

It is too b ad to make you go on su ch an

expedition.

Not at all. Polly an d I know that it is ourfault that we don’t like thin gs that are tumblin gto pieces, but we have got to be honest or die.

”

Jc an at last foun d a situ ation tha t entirelysatisfied her. George placed her easel at oneside of the road, near a whart with slimy greenpiles, an d a group of fish-houses behin d it.Now we ’11 go off, he sa id, an d wish you

the best of luck.

”

Jean could not put her mind on her workwhile the two fig u res were in sight. She watc hedGeorge stooping to look at Polly, an d listening


sooner had her protector gone than the childbegan a tour of investiga tion.

“ Polly,” Jean ca lled, “ come bac k here this

minute !The little rogue shook her head an d began to

ru n down the wharf.Polly, stop ! Jean commanded. You will

tumble into the water !Polly on ly laughed merrily an d qu ickened her

Finding that commands had no effect, Jeanstarted to ca tch her. This made the child all

the more excited. She felt that she was havinga race with Aunt Jean . She shook her yellowlocks an d ran on gleefu lly. Jc an saw withhorror that there were only a few feet betweenher an d the end of the pier. She ran after herbreathlessly. In another moment she expectedto reach her an d pull her back by the skirts.She was almost near enough to touch her, whenthe child’s lfoot slipped, an d she fell headlongfrom the end of the wharf, far, far down in to thedeepwa ter below. Jean pau sed. The blood inher veins seemed changed to ice. She had a minute of terrible indecision. She was not a goodswimmer, an d had never jumped into the waterfrom a height. She had an u n c on trollab le physic al dread of taking the plunge. For a momentshe was stricken dumb a n d motion less. Then,


with a great efiort of will, she looked over theedge aga in, but grew giddy an d fa int. Ha stilyturning, she ran toward the shore an d tried tocall George, but her voice had not yet retu rned.

I t was noon, an d all the men about the wharvesan d fish-houses had gone home to dinner. Jeanhad an instant of agoniz ing suspense, as shewatched George coming towards her with whatseemed to her excited mind sn a il-like deliberation, as he waved the yellow banana s gayly.

She felt as if she were in a n ightmare, for shecou ld not utter a sound, but she made franticsigns to him to hu rry. H e ran towards heran d she gasped Polly. Then he understood.

Jea n pointed to the end of the wharf, an d c c v

ered her face with her hands.Don’t worry,

” he said. It ’s all right.In another minute he had plun ged into thewater an d was swimming to shore with the smalldamsel.Jean had sunk down on the wharf, breathless

an d trembling. When she saw that they wereboth safe on shore, she tried to get up to go totheir a ssistance, b u t cou ld not move.Polly’s eyes were closed, an d George wasbending over her, tryin g to restore her to consc iou sn ess. The awful possibility that the shockhad been too great for her gave an added horrorto all that Jean had u ndergone. For an instant


the whole smiling, happy world seemed veiled inbla ck.

Don’t worry, she’11be all right in a minute,

sa id George in his comforting voice.

Jean marveled at his coolness an d self-possession . The next time you wish to take a

bath, young woman, don’t dive from a wha

he sa id, as Polly opened her eyes, for I maynot always be around to fish you out.The sketch could not be fin ished on tha t day ,

an d they sta rted in a sorry procession to returnto the house, George carrying the drippingPolly.

Suddenly Jean gave the child an ardent hug.

Oh, you dear thing ! she cried. An d youreally think she won’t be an y the worse for it,GeorgeShe ’ll be all right to-morrow.

If it had n’t been for you she wou ld havedrowned,

” Jean sa id, with a shu dder. Ishou ld never have had the courage to jump inafter her.”

If you had gon e in after her, I shou ld havehad to fish you both out, an d Polly might havedrowned while I wa s saving you.

”

But I c an swim enough to get to shore fromthe pier. I am sure I could have saved her

, an d

yet if I had been alone with her, I know that Ishou ld have let her drown before my eyes.

26 2 A LOVER or TE UTH

It is as natural for a man to jump into thewater an d save life as it is for a dog to plu n gein after a stick. Don’t pra ise a ma n for simplyfollowing his instincts. You need n ’t be a shamedtha t you were afra id. Fear is always the signof a more complex an d delica te natu re. Itmean s that you ha ve imagination an d a highlynervous organ iz ation. There is no credit inmere physical courage. The courage comeswhen you feel fear an d conquer it.”

Well, at an y ra te, I fancy Susie fin ds thein stinct of the average man more satisfactorythan that of the highly susceptible, nervou slyorganiz ed woman,

” Jea n retorted.

GEOR GE had no opportunity to see Jean aloneon that day or the following morning. Latethe next afternoon, as she was sitting on thepia z z a with Susie an d the N ic holses, he boldlya sked her if she would like to take a row with

Very much, she replied.

I was just on the point of askin g Susie an dJc an if they wou ld n ’t go for a row with Elsiean d me, Alan stated. Suppose we all jo

'

forces an d have a sa il in the ha rbor We ’11promise not to take you outside.Tha t would be very pleasant, sa id Jc an .

I would rather take Jc an by herself,” sa id

George, with his imperturbable directness, whichfor some reason never gave oflen se.

Alan smiled. Wh ich wou ld you prefer,Jean he asked her.I don’t care in the least which I do.Now you have made a mess of it,

” sa id Elsie,laughing In trying to be polite you ’ve hurtour feelin gs all arou nd. George naturally is n ’t


plea sed, an d neither arewe. Polite fibb in g is n’t

you r forte, dear.”

I ’m glad it is n ’t,” sa id Alan .

Will you come for a row with me Or

sha ll we all go for a sa il in the ha rbor ? George

I will go for a row with you, as you askedme first.”

I know it is selfish of me to take you awayfrom the others,

” George sa id, as they wentdown to the little pier, but it is for the lasttime I am going home to-morrow.

”

To-morrow I I thought you were to stayover Su nday !

Virginia will stay, but I’ve been telegraphed

for ; I’m needed at the factory.

I ’m very sorry I Jea n exc la imed heartily.

They sa id nothing more u ntil she was seatedin the stern of the boat, a n d he was fac ing her,rowing with steady, even strokes.

H ow beautifully you feather your c ars I sheobserved. I have never learned to do it ; infact, my acc omplishments all seem better su itedto dry land,

” she added, with a little lau gh.

I ’m going abroad the end of next week,George announced abruptly.

Jean felt as if her la st prop were leaving her.For how long she inquired.

For three months.


I ’m not rea lly cold. It ’s only my u n fortunate manner.”

If you are not cold, you’d have some little

feeling for me. I know I don’t deserve you,

but I love you so tha t I ’d give my life to make ‘

you happy. An d an old warehouse an d sometumbling-to-pieces old wharves call out a greatdeal more feeling in you than I c an . I ’m neitherartistic, nor picturesque, nor forlorn, in my outward appearance, an d so nothing in you respondsto me.”

We care for such different things.Yes

,that ’s why I love you. You have al

ways stood for poetry an d romanc e to me. You

seem to tu rn everything to gold tha t you touch.

I can’t put it in words you ’ll like, because I don’t

know how to talk, only having you in a roomwhere I c an see you, even if you don

’t say a

word,makes the whole day happy, an d to have

you with mealways would be like heaven.

”

The tea rs came into Jean’s eyes. Oh, shesa id, how I wish I could care for you as mucha s you care for me, but I c an

’t.”

No, an d you can’t help it, an y more than I

c an help loving you. I did n ’t mean to say thiswhen I brought you out here away from theothers ; I only meant to say good-by ; but n owI ’m going to tell you everything this once. I ’dlike you to kn ow how much you ’ve been to me.

A LOVER OF TE UTH 26 7

It began ages ago when you were a girl of fou rteen .

”

It could n ’t have begu n then ; perhaps youthink it did n ow, but it c ou ld n

’t have, for I was

so shy.

That was one reason I liked you ; you wereso different from other girls. I felt sorry foryou at first, because you were such a poordancer ; a n d then one afternoon when Alan an dI came to the hou se, you talked abou t GeorgeWa shington. Do you rememberYes, I remember.

”

You seemed so frightened.I was frightened nearly ou t of my wits.B u t you were very interesting. I had never

heard you say so much before, an d you had

such beau tiful eyes they fa irly shone. You

wore a dark red gown, I remember. After thatI used to dance with you more.”

Yes, you were always very good to me.Even then I began to think in a shy sort of

way that when we grew up I should marry you.

You stood to me for everything that is best,refin emen t, sweetness, high ideals, a n d simpleevery-day goodness.

”

I had n ’t the least idea that you felt likethat about me. I thought you liked Elsie an dthe other girls a great deal better.I don’t mean I have n ’t been in love with


other women. I ’ve had periods of being des

perately interested in somebody else, but it wasalways a feverish kind of ca ring that did n ’tla st, an d I wou ld come ba ck to my feelin g for

you , an d the thought of you r truth an d goodnesswas more to me than you c an ever know. Be

fore you went to Eu rope, I was su re I cou ldmake you love me some time, for no other manseemed to ca re for you or think you beautiful ;but when you came back, I felt that it was allover. You had been growing mentally, whileI had stood still . An d yet it was n ’t so mu chthatyou had changed ; it was more that bec a u seyou were prettier an dmore self-possessed othershad begun to see what you were. Well, I can

’thelp loving you, even although you are so farout of my reac h tha t I know it is n ’t a n ygood.

”

Jean was so moved that she understood whywomen sometimes engaged themselves to menthey did not wholly love through very pity. Shehad an impu lse to say , I am not wha t youthink ; but if you want me so much, take me,such as I am. No one else cares for me, noone ever will care like that.”

B u t she regarded the impulse as u nworthy ofher highest self, for she knew that the responsewhich awoke half shyly to meet his ardent lovewas only a fa int foreshadowing of wha t she cou ld


across the bay’s glassy expanse, an d everythingspoke of peac e.

H ow beautiful it is I she said.Yes, b u t sometimes I hate nature, he re

turned.

George went to town early the next morning,

an d Jc an found the situ a tion far worse than shehad expected. She had known that she shou ldfeel keen pity for him, an d that she cou ld notwholly escape the reproaches of her con scienc e,but she had not expected to miss him so acutely.

All that day, whenever she thought of him,the

tears wou ld come into her eyes. She wasfond of him an d was always so happy when shewas with him that it seemed absolutely in tolerable that she must make up her mind for hissake to lose him out of her life. Sometimesduring that long day she had moments of feelingthat it wou ld be less impossible to marry himthan to give him u p, but the next moment sheremembered there wou ld always be one side ofher which he cou ld never touch, an d she sa id toherself there cou ld be no compromises for her ;she must g ive everything or nothing. She hadga ined a n ew insight into life. If she sufferedso much simply because she had sa id good-byto a friend, what must women endure who wereforced to part from the men they loved An d

when dea th came to make a lifelong separation


between husband an d wife, how could su ch a n

guish be borne ? Her own life had never seemedso peacefu l , so sheltered, an d yet so futile. Shewas half inclined to pray tha t she might beallowed to slip through the rema inder of it without ta sting the deepest emotions, half inclin edto wish that she might taste them, since sheknew now that she had it in her to live an d lovean d sn fier.

She had skillfu lly avoided a téte-a-tete withVirginia thus far, but the evening of the secondday after George

’s departu re, when she had goneu psta irs for the night, she heard an impatienttap on her door. She knew what was coming.

Well, here I am, sa id Virginia . I ’mgoing home early to-morrow morning, you know,a n d I ’ve come to bid you good-by .

”

Come in ,” Jean sa id, trying to speak hospi

I know you don’t want to see me, but I’m

coming in just the same. I am going to makemyself quite at home, so you may as well sit

down a n d take it ea sy,”Virg l n ia added, as

she slipped into a chair by the window. Shehad on a crushed-strawberry India -silk wrappersprayed over with brilliant pu rple a n d yellowflowers, an d trimmed with a lavish amount ofécru lace ; an d althou gh the combination ofcolors jarred on Jean , she cou ld not but admit


that it suited Virginia , an d made her look tropic ally handsome.

So you ’ve sent my brother away, she beganabruptly.

I did n ’t send him'

away.

It is the same thing. You kn ow perfectlywell he wou ld never have gon e abroad if youhad cared for him. Well, I su ppose he

’11marry

some one else. H e’s not an idealist like you,

an d if he can’t get the best, he’11 take wha t he

c an get. I know I sha ll ha te his wife ! I cou ldhave loved you, if you

’d only been good to him,

but n ow I fa irly ha te you.

”

I don’t wonder.Oh,

” sa id Virgin ia , suddenly getting up an dbeginning to pace the room, I can’t understand women like you. There you have beengoing about for the la st two days as cool as a

cucumber, while I have almost died becauseI ’ve missed George so. You are made of snowan d ice. You can’t even imagine what it is tohave red blood in your veins. Is n ’t the lifelong devotion of a man ly young fellow anythingto you Just because he does n ’t happen to beartistic, or care for the same books that you doI ’ve no pa tience with you ! You won’t fin dmany men who

’d be so willing to let you go

on being happy in your own confounded, coldblooded, artistic way , after you were married.

TH ERE are few temptations more difi c u lt

for a conscientious woman to resist than thatof giving a moral brace to her friends. Jeancould not help seein g that Alan an d Elsie,as well as George Morley, looked to her forstrength. She cou ld only how her head in humility , an d wonder what quality of mind orwhat trick of voice or manner was responsiblefor their mistaken estimate of her charac ter.She could not but feel that she had a markedin flu en c e over Alan, an d that when he was withher he saw life with a kinder an d therefore a

truer vision.

’

She could not but kn ow thatElsie clung to her with pathetic eagerness.

When her visit at Susie’s was over, an d theN ic holses begged her to come to them, shefound it diffic u lt to refuse. But there was aninstinct too deeply implanted in her to beargued away, even when her conscience tookpart aga inst it, which forbade her in termeddlin g with their lives. It was hard to be misunderstood, an d to have them think her refusalcame from indifference, but she breathed freer

A LOVE R OF TRUTH 275

when she had left them, an d was back aga in inthe lifeless air of an Edgecomb Ju ly . Howdull it was at home ! It wa s too hot for work,an d even too hot for soc iability. There was anendless amount of time, a n d nothing to do in itexcept to miss her friends. Even her grandfather, whose comfort she had made the ostensible reason for her return, sa id he thought ita pity she had not stayed away a fortn ightlonger. I n spite of all her efforts, she couldnot help constantly turning to the thought ofGeorge Morley. She began to wonder if an

overma stering passion cou ld ever be known bya woman of her temperament. She more thansuspected that her extreme reserve an d caution ,that made her in stin c tively draw back whenevershe was at the threshold of a n ew experience,joined to her analytic a l turn of mind, wou ldprevent her ever becoming absorbed in a greatlove. Endowed as she was with more than anaverage share of imagination, fancy was continu ally picturing to her a life which made realityseem commonplace. What she craved was a

marriage as perfect as tha t of the Brownings orHawthornes ; an d then she would suddenly remember that, like Amiel, while wa iting for theideal she might lose the real. An d after allwhat was the ideal Were the Brown ings an dHawthornes exempt from petty trials Did


not love transform the lives of the most humb le An d whenever a ma n an d woma n tru lyloved each other, was not a miracle wroughtafresh It was this power of clothing commonthings with romanc e which made life absorbing,an d the reason that poets found it more so thanothers was bec au se they had this power inlarger measure. She stood for a poet to herlover, an d she sometimes fancied she couldmake him happy if she would let herself try .

But as soon as she had reac hed this conclu sionshe had a feeling of limitation, an d kn ew tha tthe chief joy in her life was her u n fettered imag in ation . She could not give up those dreamswhich sometimes came to her, of a possiblefuture g lorified by a n ideal love, for somethinglimited an d imperfect.Meanwhile George Morley had slipped as

entirely out of her life as if he had ceased toexist. His sister punished her by never men

tion in g his name, an d she was too proud to takethe initiative an d inquire for him . There camea time, however, when Virgin ia began to throwout dark hints concerning a delightful family ofgirls with whom George had become intimatein traveling. Jc an was careful to conceal thefac t that this announcement gave her pa in.

After all, why should she expect George to beconstant to her when she had not given him the


replied that she was doing as well as cou ld beexpected. Somethin g in his tones sent a chillto her heart. You don’t th ink, Uncle James,you don’t think it is anythin g serious, do youshe asked .

I don’t think anything, Jean . My mind isalways a blank so far as my patients are c on

cerned There is no rea son for being alarmednow, he added qu ic kly , as he noticed the

change on his niece’s fac e, but I do thinkshe ought to get away from this miserable c lima te.”

Jc an found her cousin flu shed an d feverish.

My dear,” Elsie sa id, your uncle has been

interviewing me wi th his horrid old stethoscope.Won’t it be wretc hed if I have to go south forthe winter I could n ’t bear to be separa tedfrom Alan, an d he is too bu sy to go wi th me.It is very pleasant to be alive, an d I dare sayit will be very pleasant to be dead, but it isthis death in life that I can’t sta n d this notbeing able to do anything, or to ca re for thingsthe way I did once. Jea n , don

’t ever get thegrippe. If you do, you

’ll be sorry to the end of

your days IAfter leaving Elsie, Jean took a long walkinto the country, an d her heart was heavy witha n ew dread. Her cousin’s whole life camebefore her in a swift succession of su nny pic


tures. She saw her as a merry child, whenAl an an d George were in hot pursuit of her at

the Morleys’party, a n d aga in as a gay younggirl, the belle of the dancing-school, an d thenshe saw her as she was in the early days of herengagement, when she had looked at Alan withher heart in her eyes. Many other picturescame crowding upon each other, Elsie in herwedding gown with that radiant expression onher face, Elsie at church with that new touchof g ravity , Elsie at home, Elsie as she hadlooked last summer ; she covered her face withher hands as if to shut out these recollectionsof a bygone time. It could not be tha t she whowas so fitted for happiness in this world was toleave it ! One could not a ssociate death withElsie. She would put this terrible premonitiona side, an d enjoy the autumn beauty that wasclothing the hills an d meadows. But try as shewould to c ontrol her thoughts, the chill at herheart would n ot be dispelled.

As she stooped to pick some blue gentiansshe heard the sound of approachin g voices, an dlookin g up she saw two bicyclists coming intoview. One of them was George Morley, a n dwith him was a yellow-haired girl. She recogn iz ed her as a member of that family who hadhelped to enliven George’s trip abroad. Jeanhad only seen him twice since his return , an d


in the most forma l way . Now she bowed withu n usu al c ordiality , beca u se she did not want toseem distu rbed by the presence of this attraetive stranger. George sprang 03 his bicycleas soon as he ca u ght sight of her.You are a long way from home, sa id he.

I wi sh I cou ld stop an d walk bac k withyou.

”

Jean’s eyes followed the you n g girl.How pretty she is ! she sa id, with the

hea rtiness of a grandmother or a ma iden au n t.She is a very n ice girl,

” he a ssented somewha t absen tly, an d Jean had a thrill of gratification when she realiz ed that a smile from herhad the power to make him c ompletely forgethis charming companion.A moment before she had been weigheddown by the sadness of life, but now she had a

swift revu lsion of feeling a n d a sudden impression of joy. H e seemed the imperson a tion of

youth an d sunshine.The golden-ha ired stranger was looking bac kin su rprise, an d George remounted his bicyclean d soon caught up wi th her. A peal of girlishlaughter was waited back to Jc an , an d as shecontinued her solitary walk she felt old.


a nurse, but her mother spent every morningwith her an d tired the poor child out with herlamentations, while either Helen or Jean was

with her in the afternoon. Twice she was so illwhen her hu sband was away from home thatMrs. Thorndyke sent for him post ha ste, a n d

each time, as soon as he came back, Elsie revivedwith such speed tha t her mother declared hispresence was all that her dear child needed.

Finally the shadow grew until it envelopedElsie herself, an d she began to discuss her possible death with the same fran kness with whichshe had di sc ussed every subject in life.I ’ve really got to go South for the winter,

she announced to Jc an one day . There issomething wrong with both my heart an d lungs.

I listened at the door when Alan was askin gyour uncle questions . It was very wicked ofme, a n d I was properly punished, for listenersnever hear an y good of themselves. I madeAla n tell me the whole truth afterwards . H e

made light of it all . H e says people oftenlive to a good old age with queerer things thematter with their lungs an d heart than I ’ve got.H e

’s determined I ’m to live to be sixty at lea st,

poor Alan, but heaven preserve me I I ’drather die in the flower of my youth than liveto be a wheez ing old woman, lungless an d heartless.

”


Don’t talk like tha t, Elsie ; you’ll be a grea t

deal better as soon as you get away from thiswretc hed c lim51te.

”

I wonder what the climate of heaven islike, Elsie mused . I ’m afra id it is a littlecold. Oh, dear ! I do hope they don

’t have an yeast winds there I Don’t you suppose if I hateit very much they will let me c ome back an d beborn over aga in as another person, or at leastan animal I love this old ea rth so much tha tI should like to be here, even if I were only atortoise shell c at.

Elsie IYes, I would. I always loved the idea of

the transmigration of souls. It seems so pleasant to think of everybody having a try at everything. I should like to be a beautifu l woodthrush flyin g up an d u p, almost to heaven, an dsinging its little heart out, an d a great whitehorse, the splendid, spirited kind the cavalryride, an d a fa ithful St. Bernard dog , an d almosteverything but an angel still , perhaps thatwon’t be so b ad . It will be nice to have wings.

If I ever have the chance to be another person,I shall be so seriou s a n d fond of study. I shallbe a woman doctor, an d spend my whole lifewith the u n fortlmate. Fix my pillows, please,da rling. N0, put the other one on top. Helenalways does it just right. I am su re I should


make a fin e hospital nurse, for I kn ow howeverythin g ought to be done.

”

A few days later Jc an found her cousin somuch worse that she was frightened, an d sentfor the doctor.I am really very much worried about E l

sie, she sa id, as she met him in the hall.H is presence had a quieting efiec t upon thepatient, but it did not wholly stem the tide ofher lamentations.If on ly Alan were at home I should feel a

g reat deal better,” she sa id pla intively. But

he is very busy. It ’s something important aboutthe election. H e made a gloriou s speech la stnight. It ’s here in the paper. Just read it,Dr. Rey c roft. I

’m so proud of him. Is n ’t it

splendid to be a ma n an d to be able to serveyour country ? I don’t suppose Al an couldcome if I sent for him. The last time I senthe did n ’t come. H e sa id I was likely to havea great many little attac ks like this, but tha tthey were n ot seriou s .”

H e shall come, if I have to go after him onmy

.

hands an d knees, sa id Jean impulsively.

Don ’t speak like that, dear. You don’tunderstand men. When they are not neededfor the public service, they are devoted to theirwives ; but of what account is a poor littlethin g like me when compared to the country


Before that period, however, Dr. Reyc rofthimself bec ame alarmed about Elsie an d telegraphed to her husband, for she had had a moreseriou s attac k than usu al. Elsie was countingthe hours before he could get back, an d whenthe time came when he might ha ve reac hedhome, she gave a hea rt-broken little sigh.

H e is n’t coming, Jean ,”

she sa id, with a

break in her voice. Perhaps I sha ll never seehim aga in.

”

Nonsense, Elsie. You are better now, dear.

Uncle James telegraphed to Alan beca u se wepromised we wou ld if you were worse. H e willprobably come in the nex t tra in, or to-morrow,

an y way .

”

Jc a n , I have never felt as I do now. I amsure I am not going to live, an d there are everan d ever so many things I want to say to Alan.

Oh, dear ! I don’t want to die ! It seems so

terrify ing to go all by myself on such a longjourney. I ’ve never traveled alone.”

Jean pressed her cousin’s hand.

Wou ld you be afra id to die Does theunkn own frighten you Elsie asked in awe

struck tones.A little I should not want to die, Jean

c onfessed. An d yet in my heart of hearts Iam sure tha t everything will be right, howeverit is, an d whenever death comes. Life has been


so good an d so beautiful , even with all its pa in,that it has given me faith in wha t c omes next.”

It has been good,” sa id Elsie, but I won

der that you should fin d it so, for you havenever had half a chance. You have neverknown the fun as a girl of having every oneswept ofi their feet by you. Oh, it

’s such a joy

to be the favorite at dancing-school, an d themost popu lar girl at a party ! There i s nothinglike it, except having the man you care for mostin love wi th you, an d belonging to you foreveran d ever. That is the best of all. But it isvery good to be loved by a woman, dear. Oh,I love you so much a grea t deal more thanwhen we were g irls !Aga in Jean silently pressed her cou sin’s hand.

Tell me that you love me, just this once,Elsie begged. I am not like Alan. H e thinksa feeling is stronger if it is n ’t put into words,but I am so foolish that I just long sometimesto b e told over an d over again that people loveme.”

Elsie, I love you dearly ten times morethan when we were girls. It is n ’t easy for meto say what I feel, but I care for you so muchthat that if anything happened if you werenot here, life could never be the same to me. I

think it is the strong love we feel that makes u ssu re this world, with all its sorrow an d misery,


an d even with all its sin , is a glorious place,when looked at with a vision larger than ou rs.Tha t is why I ca re for life, even without havinghad wha t you call half a chance. I care for itsbeauty a n d for its chances to work, but mostof all for its chances to love. There are dayswhen it seems as if one could take the wholewide world into one’s heart.”

Do you feel tha t, too ? That is how I havefelt. Sometimes I love even the little gaminsin the streets.”

They were silent for some moments after this,an d then Elsie sa id, Jean , there is one thingyou must promise me. If I do die when Alanis away, please don

’t let him put my age an d myfull name in the paper. H e is so truthful hewould be sure to do it. Eliz a, wife of AlanNichols, twenty-seven years, so many months an dso many days,

’ he ’d have it a ll in , even to thehours a n dminutes,he

’s so exact. Fancy I Eliz a

Nichols, twenty-seven years old I Is n ’t thatgha stly No

,I ’m going to be Elsie to the end

of the chapter, a n ageless Elsie, eternally young.

Jea n could not help laugh ing, although thetears were in her eyes.I am sure I have been a di sappointment to

Alan in some ways,” Elsie went on . H e does

care so about the exact truth , an d I’ve got such

a ha z y memory for dates an d facts tha t I never


the hall. H e looked pa le an d worn , an d her

Elsie is better, she ha stened to say , and

H e looked at her in silenc e for a momen t, an dthen he sa id, as if the words had been wr ungfrom him, How c an I comfort her, when Ihave no fa ith myselfShe stood looking at him with her pitifu l,grieved eyes. She was shocked into silenc e fora moment, but presently she forgot herself, andtime seemed swept away. She did not think ofthe visible presence of the man before her ; shewas a human sou l belonging to etern ity, tryingto c omfort another human soul. I n this greatc risis she felt only the sorrow an d the need of

these two who ought to be so n ear to each other,an d who throu gh some chance had drifted sofar away. So su re was she of the love tha t laybehin d all later dissatisfa c tion that she spoke toit as if it had been a visible thing.

I f you have no fa ith in the fu tu re, shesaid, you c a n comfort her by your love. Ionce heard my grandfather say tha t when peo

ple are dyin g, it is not so much the certa inty ofthe futu re tha t they want as the clasp of a

warm human hand, the knowledge of a warm


human love. Go up to Elsie now she is wa itingfor you .

”

H e seemed about to answer her, but changedhis mind ; then, as she was passing ou t of thedoor, he called to her :Jean, are n

’t you coming bac k

To-morrow. Elsie will not need me tonigh ”

Then he went on into his wife’s room.

WH EN George Morley came home the nexteven ing, Virgin ia sa id, I suppose you haveheard tha t Elsie Nic hols died this morning?Yes.”

Poor little sou l, she proceeded, it is verysad ; one of those hopeless tragedies. Still, itis n ’t qu ite so sad as if she had lived. Everyone is pity ing her husband, an d they all think

.

him a saint, but I am sure if he had been morehuman she ’d be alive now. Oi cou rse I don’tsay this to an y one but you.

Well, poor fellow, wha tever mistakes hemay have made, he is sufierin g enou gh now,

”

sa id George.Is he Perhaps. I c an never quite be

lieve in the sufferin gs of such cold people ; buthowever he may be feeling, he is su re to consolehimself in time.”

Virginia IForgive me ; I know that sounds brutal just

at this moment, but I can’t help my thoughts.

To be sure, I need not have spoken . But noone cou ld help seeing this summer that he was

294 A L OVE R or n rw

I won’t, ex c ept this on e thin g . All g irls

are fools, absolu te idiots, wherever men a s c on

c ern ed. You a m n ever c ou n t on the wisest of

the person , an d she’s always got to be sorry for

some on e. F irst it was E lsie, an d n ow it willbe E lsie’s u n fortu n ate hu sban d ; you see if itis n

’t. Ca n

’t you lose a ll you r money, George,or you r legs, or you r eyes Then you might

George went u pstairs sick at heart. It wasn ot so mu c h wha t his sister had said tha t

troubled him, for the same thou ght had fla shedinto his mind, as the fa ct tha t she cou ld say itat su ch a time. This lac k of delicac y seemedto put a wide world between her an d the womanhe loved. When he thou ght of Jean’s tearsta ined face, as he had seen it that afternoon ,it seemed sac rilege to discu ss her future: H e

felt very lonely, more lonely than he had everfelt before. There was no one who u nderstoodhim.

Now tha t Elsie was dead, even the strictestNew England consciences found themselves saying how loving she was, a n d what winning waysshe had, an d, although she was not truthful inlittle things, how tru e she was at heart. Everyon e felt sorry for her heart-broken mother, an dfor her poor old grandfather, an d her cousin


Jc an , but most of all for her husband, whomust be suffering all the more keenly bec au seof his reserved nature. That old proverb whichhas been worn threadbare in many a New England household, Still wa ters run deep,

” cameinto their minds. Sorry as Edgecomb felt forMrs. Thorndyke, it did not approve of her hysteric al lac k of self-c ontrol, feeling that it showeda su perfic ial nature. Even Jean took her sorrow too much to heart. To be so overcomeby death, which is in the divin e order of Providence, as to lose one

’s interest in life an d one’spower of working, savored of rebellion to thedivine will . Alan’s course, on the other hand,was heroic. H e asked for no pity

, an d hewent on doing his duty as stoically an d fa ithfu lly as if no heart breaking event had intervened Alan had never been loved by thecommunity, but he had always been respected,an d now he was pitied an d admired.

It was a surprise to Jean herself to fin d thatshe was so moved by her cousin’s death. Shehad never fully known how dearly she lovedher until she was in danger of losing her, an dth is knowledge revealed depths in her ownnature of which she had not been awa re. Shehad suffered so much in girlhood from her intense temperament that she had schooled herself to take things quietly, until she sometimes


fancied she had lost her power of feeling deeply,a n d had grown cold. Helen’s engagement hadbeen the first event which had rudely undec eived her, an d n ow Elsie’s dea th had awakenedin her new powers of suffering. She did notgrieve for her own sorrow alone, but for thesufferin g in the world. Multiplyin g what shefelt fou rfold, she had a dim vision of griefsbeyond her own, losses that it would be simplyimpossible to bear . She was consumed withpity for Mrs. Thorndyke, an d for Alan, whomust now be suffering, as she was, from a la teknowledge of having undervalued wha t he hadlost ; only added to his grief must be the stingof remorse.

George Morley wa s her greatest comfort atthis time. H e used to come a n d take her intothe depths of the country, where the greatstretches of brown fields an d the blue sky, withthe bare trees ou tlined aga inst it, gave hersomething of their own peace. H e sa id verylittle, b u t she felt his sympathy wrapping hera bout as with a garment.I know everybody thinks me weak-minded

not to brace up more,” she sa id to George one

day . But I ’ve simply got to take this in myown way . As I have a heart, there is no u se

trying to go on as if I had n’t. I should break

down later, when everybody had forgotten I


tha t she cannot feel sorrow as keenly as youc a n .

”

She gave him a gratefu l look. Uncle Jamestold me the other day tha t I cou ld scarc ely takeit ha rder it I had lost Helen. N0 one but youseems to understand. I suppose the knowledgetha t thin gs might be a great deal worse ou ghtto make it easier, but it does n

’t. An d then

there is the thought of wha t her mother an d herhusband must be feeling, an d the thought ofwhat I should feel if it were Helen ! I knowit is morbid in me. I suppose it is largelyphysica l. B u t with all the pa in, there is something in the fac t of how we human beings c anca re for each other, tha t seems to glorify humanna tu re, a n d make it worth while to live. Lifeha s never seemed to me so beautiful as it hasdone in the la st month. An d I know as soon asI am rested I shall rega in my old c heerfn ln ess.

”

This proved a true prediction, an d after afew weeks she took up her work with her former interest.

X X III

h was June again, an d those fields that hadlately been bare an d brown were flooded withgreen as by a n incoming tide. The trees hadso dense a shade that it was hard to rememberthey had lately been stripped of leaves, an d evensorrowing human hearts had caught somethingof the season’s joy. Jean’s first keen grief wasover. It was not that she loved Elsie less, orthat she had forgotten her ; on the contrary shefelt her in all n atu re. Elsie had been so happytha t every glad living thing b u tterfly , bird,an d bea st of the field reminded Jc an of hercousin. She was learning a fac t she had neveronce suspected, tha t where one has loved trulythere may be death, but there cannot be utterseparation. This knowledge gave her cou ragefor the future, an d a key to mu ch in life whichshe had never understood.

Al an had left Edgecomb a few weeks afterhis wife’s death. It was stated n ow that hewas going abroad for the summer. H e cameback to spend a few days with his mother-in -law

300 A L o F E R OF TR UTH

before his depa rtu re. an d M rs.Thorndyke pra isedhim more warmly tha n ever.

“ I t was so good of him to c ome on to say

good-bv to me before goin g to E u rope,

”she sa id

to Jean on e da v.

“ when vou thin k of a ll the

though perhaps I shou ld n ot say it, I am so like

my poor dea r c hild tha t he c an’t help bu t

be remin ded of her every time I open mylips. Darlin g Elsie ! W ell, he apprec iated her !

There never was a more devoted hm ba n d, a s I

her home flowers when he c ame from town, an dgivin g her the rares t rin gs an d jewels. Ala n ,

’

to reproa c h you rself with ; you were whollywrapped up in my da rlin g c hild, an d you madeher very happy ; you were tru ly loved, if ever

7

man wa s. The gravestone is so simple an d bea ntifu l, just wha t E lsie would ha ve liked, Elsie,beloved wife of Alan Nichols,

’carved into stonefor a ll time, as if to symboliz e the endu ringqua lity of his love. Everybody realiz es wha tyou are sufierin g ,

’ sa id I , even althou gh youa re not one to wea r your heart on you r sleevean d you wou ld agree with me, Jc a n , if you couldsee the great pile of notes he ’s had. It is acomfort to me to kn ow how every one apprecia tesmy poor child . It is a lmost more sa tisfyingthan religion .


Have you a few minu tes to spare n ow Wou ld

you mind walkin g a short distan c e with meIt won’t be da rk for some time.”

When they left the post-ofi c e he tu rned intoa side street that took them almost immedia telyinto the country.

The world is pa infu lly green ju st now, hesa id, as he glanced c omprehensively over thelandsc ape. I always wish myself down on thec ape in Ju n e, where I c an get a rest from trees.

”

“Do you feel so ? I take a mad sort of pleasu re in the vividness an d intensity of it all. Itc an never be too green or too sunny or too lavishfor me. Elsie a n d I a lways felt the same abouttha t. I have thought of her so man y times thisJ11119 , she added half shyly, lowering her voice.H e did not respond, an d Jean , whose heart

an d mind were fu ll of Elsie, felt repu lsed.

Presently he looked up at the su n , that hadset in a bank of angry clouds, an d remarkedtha t they were goin g to have a shower.Then I ought to go homeNot yet,

” he entreated. It won’t ra in atpresent, a n d there is so much I want to say toyou . I may not have a n other cha nce for months.You know I am going abroad next week ?Yes, I was glad to hear of it.

”

H e grew an imated in the discussion of hisplans, b u t he suddenly paused as he saw a little


bent old woman, led by a child, approachingthem. There comes that bore of a Mrs.Thomas I he excla imed. Do let ’s cross overso she won’t speak to u s.

We ca n ’t, for the little g irl has told herwho we are.

”

Good evening, dear Miss Jean , sa id Mrs.Thomas efiu sively . An d it ’s M r. Nichols whois with you , Nannie tells me. Dear heart, dearhea rt ! I ’m glad to see you, sir, to tell youhow I loved your sweet wife.” The tears camera ining down the poor old creatu re’s face at thispoint. Many a time did she come to read tome

,the pretty young thing, when she wanted

to be off in the woods or on the hills, an d hervoice was always like music, an d it seemed as

if I could see her sweet young face, same as if Iwas n

’t blind. Nannie tells me the monument

is fin e. Sir, I c an feel for you in your lonelinessa n d sorrow.

”

Than k you, he returned stiffly . Jc an , Ithink we shall have to be moving on , for it isgetting late.”

I am coming to see you very soon, Mrs.Thomas,

” Jea n sa id, trying to make up for hercompanion’s coldness by a warm han d-clasp.

I can’t stand that woman,”Alan sa id, as

they walked on . H ow could you be so politeto her ?


I felt very sorry for her, an d I was touchedto think she cared so much for Elsie. Shedid n ’t mean to be impertinent. She thou ght itwou ld be a comfort to you to know how eventhe humblest person felt about her. People areso difieren t. Now I like to be sympathiz ed withby an y one who ca red for Elsie.Jean , suppose you had put you rself in a

false position, an d were gettin g sympathy youdid not deserve, how would you feel thenShe was startled by his tone, an d could notthink of an y reply to make.There have been times since I came down

here when it ha s seemed as if I cou ld not bearit,

” he went on vehemently. I ha ve felt itwould be a relief to cry out from the housetops,Don’t g ive me your pity I I was not as devotedto my wife as you think. I did not love her asI ou ght.’ I have shocked you. I can’t help it.I must speak to some one, or I shall go mad.

”

You did love her,” Jean sa id gently. Per

haps not in the same way as at first, an d you

made her happy. You must not forget that.”

Don’t, Jc an . I can’t bear it from you. Imust tell the whole truth to you. It has beenno new thing, but a long drawn-out agony,my gradual discovery of our incompatibility.

You will say I ought never to have ma rried her,knowing as I did that she was so different from


I can’t do that. I have to analyz e my feelin gs an d face the consequences. I had cea sedto love Elsie as I loved her once, an d so I feltall the more boun d to make her as happy as Icould in external ways. An d who was I , toqu a rrel with her lac k of truth, when I was in sofalse a position myself God help me I Livinghas not been easy work the last few years.”

It must have been hard,” sa id Jean com

pa ssiona tely.

To live a life tha t is in part a deceit tobe pra ised where one shou ld be censured, an dblamed where one deserves pity, is not ea sy.

Well, it is over now, but what c a n never belived down is the knowledge of my fa ilure, thefeeling that I have been a tra itor to a ll my princ iples, the overwhelming sense of defeat. Tolove truth a s I loved it, a n d then to be so placedthat one mu st be false to one’s promises or u ntrue to one’s self, is hard. I chose what seemedto me the lesser evil, but good God ! I havebeen pu n ished I That last scene with her after

you went out of the door I would not live itover aga in for ten years of my life. I couldn ot lie, at that solemn moment, when she feltthat she was asking for an expression of myaffection for the last time, a n d still less could Itell the truth. Oi course I sa id I loved her ;but when she a sked if I loved her as well as in


the old days, as well as she loved me, what cou ldI say I told her we cou ld not mea sure affection, an d that she must be content.

”

The a n gry clouds in the west were growin gdarker, an d a few ra indrops began to fall, butthey were u nheeded.

I cannot understand your not always lovin gher, when you had loved her once,

” sa id Jean ,

for she was such a little dear.”

When you get over an infatuation, the oldcharm no longer exists for you. In fact, it sometimes irrita tes you like a poor copy of a beautifu l pa inting. I did try my hardest to do myduty, a n d if I fa iled if I had had an y ideashe wa s not going to get well, I cou ld have doneso much more for her, poor little thing. Ireproach myself bitterly now, but I fan cied shewas one of those nervou s inval ids who live foryears, demanding constant sac rific es, an d Ithought I ought to make a stand in the beginning. Poor child ! I cou ld never see why sheloved me, but she was one of those women wholike to be ru led with a strong hand. I suppose

you think me a hypocrite to say all this to you,an d yet to have put those words on her tombstoneNo, I do n ot think you a hypocrite.I could not refuse her that. I had so little

to give, that I felt I must make up to her in a ll


the ways I cou ld, an d it wa s true tha t I had lovedher once . But it acc entu ates the gha stly contrast between my outward life as known to menan d my inner life as known to myself. Wha t awoman you a re ! You are so sympathetic thatI fin d myself telling you things I could notbreathe to an y other human being ! Well, it isa relief to have spoken, for I cou ld not bear tohave you, of all people, think better of me tha nI deserve. Do you remember my once askingyou if you did not feel sorry for me, as well asfor Elsie, an d you would n ot say it ? Youwere right. I knew it as soon as you hadspoken. If you had been a difieren t sort ofwoman if you had given me pity well, itmight have been much harder for Elsie an d methan it was. But n ow there c an be no harm insaying it. Do you feel sorry for me nowA sudden mist had come into Jean’s eyes, a n dher voice fa iled her.I am sorry for Elsie, she sa id, a s soon a s

she cou ld speak. It is the thought of theemptiness there must have been in her life thatis un nerving me n ow.

But she did not know it. It was not a s

hard for her as for me.”

She cou ld not have helped feeling there wasa difference. Poor Elsie, poor dear little Elsie,I n ever loved her half enou gh.

”


give me for wha t seems to you my disloyalty toElsie I cou ld

°

not help caring for her less ;those things are beyond our control, an d lately,since I have been away from you

,I cou ld not

help mi ssing you unspeakably, an d realiz ingwhat you are to me.”

Please don’t,” she entreated.

You have made it impossible for me tospeak an y more explicitly to you now,

” he sa idslowly, but won

’t you promise not to judge metoo severely Do not punish me for my fran kness. Will you not let me have the hope thatsome time, in months or yearsNo,

” she broke in , that wou ld make nodifference. I should have the same answer togive if you wa ited for years.Jc an , why do you feel so I wi sh you

wou ld tell me the whole tru th.

”

She was silent. It was impossible for her tosay to this man , who thought he loved the ahsolute tru th, that the strong feeling she mightonce have had for him was gone, pa st reca ll,a n d that it had been killed by his own ac ts.

I s it because you can not forg ive wha t seemsto you so wrong Think how I have sufiered,an d how ha rd I have tried to do right.”

She was overwhelmed by a feeling tha tamounted almost to repu lsion for the man a t

her side, an d which swept away the pity she had


felt for him in the begin ning of their interview.

She tried to reason her aversion away, an d tosay to herself tha t this shock was out of all proportion to the cause. She tried to rememberthat the six months since his wife’s death, soshort a time to her, were like half a lifetime tohim. An d yet, in spite of all her efforts, thefact rema in ed tha t his words had put the fin ishing tou ch to her last illusions.Can’t you give me one word of hope

Alan pleaded.

“No. Not in the way you mean . I am

sorry, so sorry you told me this, because a n d

yet I do want to be friends.After this they walk ed back in silencethrough the ra in, that came down in a drenching pour, an d then cea sed almost a s suddenlyas it had begun.

When they reached the post—ofli c e, Jeanstopped.

Plea se don ’t walk backWith me, she begged.

I c an go with my neighbors as soon as thema il is open . I would rather say good-byn ow.

Something in the stiffn ess of Alan’s mannermade her sure that the loss of illusions was notc on fin ed to her. She was consciou s t hat sheseemed coldly conventional to him, an d lackingin sympathy. She knew how deeply he mu st


already be regretting the impulse tha t had ledhim to lay bare his inmost sou l to her, an d witha swift revu lsion of feeling she was able for a

moment to put aside the thought of herself, an dto have a n u n willing admiration for one sideof his character. Cold a n d selfish as he hadshown himself to Elsie, it was true tha t he hadtried ha rd to do what he thought was right,poor fellow, an d she knew she ought to feel farmore sorry for him than she cou ld. Suddenlyanother face came before her, an d she real iz edtha t had George Morley thrown himself uponher mercy, she could have forgiven him worsesins.Good-by , she sa id. I sha ll always be

interested in what you do, an d you have thepromise of a great career. I am glad of that.”

H e bowed frigidly, very much as he hadbowed to Mrs. Thomas, a n d she felt that shehad forfeited his friendship forever. As she

watched his retreating figu re, she wondered whyshe cou ld see it withou t one spark of tha temotion it had always arou sed in her when shewas a girl, a n d why the pity she felt for himwas not the warm feeling that flooded her heartat the thought of Elsie. An d then she gavea fervent exclama tion of gratitude that thischance had not come to her five years earlier,when she might have given a differen t answer.!


She was still thin kin g of George as she leftthe post-omc e an d went into the dark street.She realized for the first time how cold an d wetshe was, a n d how exhausted mentally an d physic ally .

Virginia Morley met her as she came out ofthe post-offic e. There was something in her setface that gave Jc a n a sense of coming misfortu ne.Jean , you have n

’t seen anything of George,

have you she a sked breathlessly.

“No ; why ? What do you meanVirginia gripped Jean’s hand as if in a vise.

Oh, my dear ! such a terrible thing has happened ! I was anxious about George, becausehe did n ’t come home to dinner, an d so I telephoned to the fac tory, to see if he were there;an d there has been a horrible explosion. A

great many of the workmen were killed. Theythought George had left the bu ilding before ittook pla ce, a n d that he was at home, but it ispossible that that I cannot say it ; it is tooterrible IJc an had turned very white, but she did notspeak.

Oh, good heavens ! Virginia excla imed,what a thing it is to have a calm temperament ! Why don’t you say something I believe I shall go mad if I can

’t get an y news


soon . Speak to me ! Say something ! Saythat you are sorry for me II am very sorry for you , sa id Jc an in a

voice that was not her own .

I am goin g to take the tra in, Virginia proc eeded exc itedly. I c a n go to the fac tory myself, I don ’t c are who tries to keep me away,a n d I c a n fin d out the truth. I c annot bear itif a n ythin g has happened to him. H e may belivin g, b u t injured, a n d there will be no one totake care of him . H ow c a n you look so coola n d quiet On e wou ld think George was n ot

even a n ac qua inta n c e ! Good God ! If I hadread of such a n acc ident in the papers an d didn ot kn ow on e of the men by name, it wou ld n unerve me for the whole even in g.

”

Jea n had turned to wa lk toward the sta tionwith Virginia . As they went pa st an electriclight, the two looked a t each other. Jean

’s fa ce

seemed turned to ston e.If such a thin g had happened a n d there

were a n y cha n ce that you had been injured,George would have been simply wild with a u x

iety . I can’t understand cold people . I couldnever see how you could help loving my b rother . H e is the dearest fellow that ever lived,a n d to think that perhaps Will you cometo the factory with me, Jean

Yes, b u t there is no tra in for three qu arters


of an hour, she sa id a s she looked at herwatc h.

H ow c a n you keep the tra ins in your headat su ch a time ! I should like to walk there .I cannot keep still, IYou had better come home with me a n d

wa it for the n ext tra in ,

” suggested Jean .

H ow calm a n d sensible you are, a n d yetyou are n ot genera lly a s practical as I am .

Oh, my God, what shall I do if he is dead ?Wha t sha ll I do An d you, for whom he caresmore than for his life, c a n go on as if it were amatter of indifference to you whether he is living or dead IDon’t, Virginia , I cannot bear it.Jea n was lea rning many things. W as itonly five min utes sin ce she had sa id to herselfthat perhaps she might rewa rd George in timeOr wa s it ages ago when she was a selfish, selfabsorbed woman, careless of the deeper facts oflife, blind to her own nature She had neveronce thought of the possibility of so horrible apunishment. She sa id to herself miserably tha tit would be a fa te in accordance with her character. But it did seem a s if the punishmentwould be out of all proportion to the sin !Wha t wa s the grief she had felt for ElsieOnly a pale shadow. Why had she been so

blind ? How cou ld she have gon e on for weeks

318 A LOVER OF TRU TH

soaked with ra in . I f you will go into the parlor I will c ome down direc tly .

As she turned to go upsta irs, she hea rd a c ry

fromVirginia . For a moment Jean'

s hea rt stoodstillGeorge, oh , George I gasped his sister.

My dear ! a n d Jc a n an d I thought you weredead.

When Jea n reac hed the door, she saw Georgea n d her grandfa ther, with the chessboard be

tween them. Virginia had ru shed up to herbrother a n d flun g her arms abou t his neck.

H e was lookin g u p at her with a sort of amusedsurprise . Jean’s grandfather was gropin g onthe floor for a castle a n d a knight that hadbeen rudely sent there by their impetuous visitor.George, he sa id m ildly, looking at Vir

gin ia with a reproachful glanc e, I am afra idthis young lady has demolished ou r game . Doyou remember where the castle was I thinkthe knight was on this square . I wa s ju st going to checkma te you, a n d I have n

’t done it for

weeks .”

Oh,my dear, my dear, Virgin ia reitera ted,

we thought you were dead .

Why I certa inly never felt more alive .There ha s been an explosion a t the factory,

an d some men were killed. Oh, never mind


them ! Don’t look so horrified. It is b aden ou gh, but I can

’t thin k about the others a s

long a s you escaped.

’ Don ’t rush off to thefactory this minute. Jc an an d I want to haveon e look at you first. You don’t understandtha t we thought you were killed. She ’s thesort of woman who likes her friends betterwhen they are dead, a n d even you wou ld havebeen plea sed a t the kin d of feelin g she showedfor you .

”

H e looked at Jc an with a n ex pression thatmade his face radia n t, then it changed to on e

of wistful doubt. Ca n this wonderfu l thingbe tru e he seemed to a sk .

Jea n wa s standing very still a n d pale in thedoorway.

George went over to her an d held out hishand. She took it

, a n d a s she did so she

trembled.

H e looked at her aga in with that expressionof wistfu l doubt ; but a s she ra ised her eyes tohis, the look changed to one of overwhelming

joy , a n d Jean kn ew that all doubt an d grief, allcoldness a n d solitude, were over.

MFRCANml: L IBRARY.NE v. YOR K.

· mfrcanmelibrary. new yo r k. a l over of truth wh en jean roycroft was a little girl, she was u...

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