MoneyMoney! It’s a must!My lab was collecting data, Now it collects dust.Money! I need it to pay,My postdocs and students, ‘Cause they won’t take a TA!State’s not paying, they’re no longer our

owner,What we need is a really rich donor.

Verse 1

Money

Money! We need a lot.

Without liquid helium our

Superconductors get too hot.

Money! Let’s print some.

I wrote a new proposal

But NSF rated it dumb.

We got into Science, Nature, PRL too,

But if MRL crashes what are we gonna do?

Verse 2

Money

Money! At proposal time?Inflate your ‘broader impacts’ If you want NSF’s dime!Money! To make a ‘hit’Do bio, info, nano, Or you’re in deep -----!Paycheck’s late? Blame UI-Integrate!U of I owns the state, now the globe we’ll

dominate!

Verse 3

Money

Money! Where’d it go?

There aren’t any raises

Just ask the G-E-O.

Money, Where’s it at?

My costs are still inflating

But my budget is flat.

Our Chief-lovin’ first-class-traveling Trustees,

Are bringing us to our knees!

Verse 4

Money

Money! Can’t get enoughFill my head with RG And field theory stuff.Money! What’s the point?Do Fradkin’s course Then work in a burger joint …Nobel Prize? But I’m not wise – my thesis is a

blank sheetThink I’ll get me a job on Wall Street

Verse 5

Money

Money! Can’t do without!Need strategic plans and metrics, It’s what education’s all about!Money! To hire today:Offer million-dollar start-ups,It’s like the NBA!A fancy new stadium is the Chancellor’s

dream,Does Illinois even have a football team?

Verse 6