“The Compassionate Friends is an international, non-profit,

peer support organization, offering friendship,

understanding, grief education and hope for the future to all

families who have experienced the death of a child at any

age, from any cause.”

National Office

The Compassionate Friends of Canada

1346 Ravens View Drive

Victoria BC

Canada

V9B 6P7

E-mail: nationaloffice@tcfcanada.net

Website: www.tcfcanada.net

Toll-free number: 1-866-823-0141

National Executive:

Andy Bond (Ottawa, ON) – President

Donna Rodin (Medicine Hat, AB) - Past

President

Susan Doyle Lawrence (Victoria, BC) - Vice-

President, Secretary (pro tem) and

International Liaison

Cathy Sosnowsky (Vancouver, BC) -

International Liaison (shared)

Diana Cadigan (St. John’s, NL) – Treasurer

Eileen Bond (Ottawa, ON) - Chapter

Development

Directors-at-Large:

Barbara Kachur (Saskatoon, SK)

Gary Kachur (Saskatoon, SK)

Adam Farrell (Vancouver, BC)

Crawford Smyth (Calgary, AB)

Members-at-Large:

Darrin Blain (Calgary, AB)

Donna Rewald (Norfolk-Haldimand, ON)

Transforming the pain of grief into the elixir of hope. - Reverend Simon Stephens, Founder, TCF.

CHANGE TO PROFILE STATEMENT, JUNE 2019

Recognizing that there are hard copies of TCF materials

circulating with out-of-date text, and appreciating that we

have new Chapters joining us, the Board of Directors is

repeating this information item from the July/August 2019

issue of our national newsletter:

Following feedback from members that “non-

denominational” implies a religious aspect to the

organization, and clarification of the terms “self-help” and

“peer support” groups, the June [2019] AGM approved an

amended Profile Statement for TCF Canada to read as

follows:

“The Compassionate Friends is an international peer support

network for bereaved parents and their families.”

If your chapter produces printed materials such as a newsletter

or a chapter brochure, please incorporate this change in

wording the next time that you do any updates.

The long version of the amended profile statement as shown

on our website will be as follows:

National Newsletter – September 2020

mailto:nationaloffice@tcfcanada.nethttp://www.tcfcanada.net/

BRIGHT IDEA

After the Maze…The Labyrinth

A maze is a puzzle, much like what our lives become when we lose a child.

You can get lost in its twists and turns, and if you survive the challenge, you

will come out successfully on the other side. As you exit the maze of grief you

will have to adapt to a “new normal”. A labyrinth, unlike a maze, is a long

path that twists and turns upon itself and as you follow it you contemplate

the story of your life and what your life has become since the death of your

child.

Check out the following website for labyrinths in your area:

https://labyrinthlocator.com/locate-a-labyrinth

Gary Kachur TCF Saskatoon

CHAPTER DONATIONS

This month we acknowledge with gratitude another generous contribution from our Kelowna, BC, Chapter. The chapter was

founded in August 1986, and has been strong and active ever since.

They held their first conference at the Delta Grand, April 4-6, 1996, with Darcie Sims as the keynote speaker. The event drew

more than 100 participants from BC, Washington, Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba. Their second conference was held

at Lake Okanagan Resort, October 9-11, 1998. Again Darcie Sims was the keynote speaker and they had 100+ participants

from BC, Washington, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba and Ontario. It was after attending this conference that Andy and

Eileen Bond started TCF Ottawa.

Under the long-running leadership of Glen and Linda Woods, along with able assistance, the Chapter holds monthly sharing

meetings, a World Wide Candlelighting ceremony in December, and the Brevity Memorial each May, as described in our

August 2020 issue.

Thank you and well done, Kelowna!

https://labyrinthlocator.com/locate-a-labyrinth?action=locate&country=&state=SK

FROM PRINCIPLE TO PRACTICE – PART FOUR

Along with Sharing Circle Guidelines, Seven Principles is one of the foundational documents for The

Compassionate Friends. In addition to defining the broad objectives of the organization, the Principles influence

chapter activities in ways that may not be immediately apparent. This series of articles will attempt to highlight

the rationale behind each of the Seven Principles and what they mean at a practical level.

Previous articles covered Principles 1 through 6; this month’s article addresses Principle 7.

7. TCF chapters are coordinated nationally to extend help to each other and to individual bereaved parents

everywhere.

• We maintain a national office to serve us by assisting in the development of new chapters, by offering support and

consultation to existing chapters, and by responding to bereaved parents where there is no local chapter.

• We have learned that it is often easier and more effective to provide program material and educational services by

working together at the national or regional level than to work alone.

• We seek opportunities to share with society the insights our grief has brought us so that future bereaved parents

may receive needed understanding and support.

• We encourage other family members, especially siblings, to share in our task of mutual support.

• We acknowledge our responsibility to support our local and national goals by contributing what we can of our

time, our talent, and our resources.

Principles 1 through 6 establish the guidelines under which TCF chapters provide support to grieving parents;

Principle 7 takes a sideways look at how chapters work together to help and support each other and the

community at large.

Although each TCF chapter operates autonomously, there are many benefits to working and cooperating with

other chapters. While one chapter may have limited resources, another may be able to provide support materials.

A new chapter may face challenges in attracting members, another may offer ideas for publicity and outreach. An

older chapter may be facing attrition, another may have found ways to keep members involved. This can be

especially important for succession planning and avoiding leader burnout. It is comforting to know that even as

chapters, “We Need Not Walk Alone”.

Despite the grand sounding name, the National Office, otherwise known as TCF Canada, is not, and does not

aspire to be, a bureaucratic corporate entity. It is a “virtual” office, usually staffed by the President, with the close

support of members of the Board. Unlike other organizations, the TCF Canada National Office does not function in

a top-down, “command and control” style, but rather works cooperatively to achieve mutual objectives. The

Board members are a proactive, hands-on group of experienced leaders who contribute their time, talent and

energy to enabling a group of autonomous and geographically widespread chapters to function as a single

cooperative body.

The role of the National Office is twofold: to act as a coordinator between chapters to ensure that we provide a

consistent standard of support across the organization; and between TCF and other groups to promote our

mission of understanding, support and hope for bereaved parents. As a legally incorporated and registered

charitable organization, TCF Canada also complies with the reporting requirements of Corporations Canada and

the Canada Revenue Agency.

The only corporate requirements for chapters to remain in good standing are (1) to follow the standards for

operating a TCF chapter (primarily Seven Principles and Sharing Circle Guidelines) and (2) to keep the National

Office informed of your progress (Annual Report). As with parent members, there are no chapter membership

fees, but donations are greatly appreciated.

If you would like to participate and support Board activities, please contact NationalOffice@TCFCanada.net.

We hope that you have found these articles of interest and perhaps gained some new insight into the whys and

wherefores of the rationale behind the Seven Principles of The Compassionate Friends.

MILESTONES

A key part of the TCF support philosophy is to give hope to the newly bereaved by showing how others walk the

path beside them. This story is an example of the need we have to look for meaning in random events, such as the

premature death of our loved one. Do you have a coping / survival story you would like to share?

Slivers of Hope

I don’t know about you, but the slowdown of my life due to the COVID-19

restrictions has created some anxiety, emotional turmoil and, at times,

exacerbated grief. A few weeks ago, I read a quote by Dr. Sarah Sarkins that

stated, “Feeling the need to be busy all the time is a trauma response and a

fear-based distraction from what you’d be forced to acknowledge and feel

if you slowed down.” That resonated with me. I went for a hike in the bush

and thought about it and acknowledged the truth behind it. I thought about

the impact of grief and acknowledging the sorrow and the emotions on this

journey. I also reaffirmed that slowing down to feel is not a bad thing. It’s a

step for healing.

The death of my son has very

much demolished me, like many

other parents I have come to

know. Walking through this grief

journey takes a strength people

don’t even know they possess. It

is unimaginable until you, yourself, have walked it. But there is hope

while walking this journey. I have found many things that help me move

forward. I call these things “finding my slivers of hope.”

1. While I think about this walk I think about a speaker I heard at a

Compassionate Friends of Canada conference a few years back. She

spoke about her theory of grief she called “The Umbilical Cord of Grief”.

She said that grief presents in spirals or cycles and that each grief cycle

is different. With each cycle you learn something about yourself and your grief journey. She divided the journey

into three cycles:

Taking in what nature has to

offer me. Inhaling the beauty.

Nature threw beaver dams in

my way as I was paddling a

creek. I had to get out of my

kayak 8 times. Nature was

not kind to me that day. But

made me work hard to

energize me.

mailto:NationalOffice@TCFCanada.net

a. The tide of the double moon, where it is waxing and waning at the same

time: We are learning to live in this paradox, learning what we need to do in

this grief journey and always gaining something.

b. The tide of the labyrinth: What spoke to me here is she said you never take

a step back. While it feels like it, you actually learn something about yourself in

the grief journey, i.e. what has worked, what doesn’t work. All you need to do

is take the next step. It will guide you to where you need to be.

c. The tide of the rainbow, where you can cry and laugh again: This is where I

want to be. I don’t want to forget and admonish my pain. I want to be able to

carry it with me. To be able to laugh and enjoy life while I grieve the loss of my

most precious gift, my child.

2. Honouring my emotions is a good thing. It can be hard to become

vulnerable, feel the pain and take a step to get out of the pit as well. Feeling

means I am alive, not numb, and I’m working on healing. I honour my

emotions for two reasons. Firstly, my son had a huge impact on my life. If I

don’t feel the pain of his loss I am not recognizing the impact he had on my

life. And secondly, by feeling and releasing my feelings I can start to heal and move out of the pit of despair.

3. Holding grief in is tiring. It’s exhausting. And it sucks the energy out of your soul. To help make space for grief,

love, and life, I use nature. Nature has a way of releasing the negative energy

I’m holding and making space for the positive. Nature is powerful and she can

be supportive. She can build us up and she does not judge. Nature has helped

build up my soul. I have cried in despair in nature and I have also taken in all

she has to offer me. When I get home I always feel like I’ve had a “do over”. I

am better able to take on another day in this journey of grief.

I know that the loss of my child has changed who I am as a person, for better

and for worse. So this journey is about figuring out who I am now as I carry

grief with me. The meme posted by Hippy Peace Freaks best describes my

journey of finding my slivers of hope: “Maybe the journey isn’t so much about

becoming anything. Maybe its unbecoming everything that isn’t you so you

can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

Ramona Sawatzky TCF FB Support Group

Printed with permission

Ramona is a frequent contributor to our closed Facebook group for grieving parents, which currently has over 700

members. Our Siblings group has 42 members, Men in Grief group has 19, and TCF Chapter Leadership has 27. To

join these closed groups, please follow the links below.

Parents: https://www.facebook.com/groups/378720552329007?id=378720552329007&ref=content_filter&_rdr

Siblings: https:www.facebook.com/groups/2032370880406771?group_view_referrer=profile_browser

Men in Grief: https://www.facebook.com/groups/738738253158040/about/

Leadership: https://www.facebook.com/groups/237064693643992/

As I was writing my son’s

name on a beach, nature

sent clouds of hearts.

Acknowledging the peace

nature gives me.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/378720552329007?id=378720552329007&ref=content_filter&_rdrhttps://m.facebook.com/groups/2032370880406771?group_view_referrer=profile_browserhttps://www.facebook.com/groups/738738253158040/about/https://www.facebook.com/groups/237064693643992/