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February 3rd , 2004 - Volume 1 Issue 34

Noam Chomsky Throws Most Depressing Superbow l

Party EverBROOKLINE, MA - Noam Chomsky, linguistics professor at MIT and well-known critic of the US government,

threw the most depressing Superbowl party ever yesterday at his home in Brookline, MA. The radical left wingintellectual reportedly spent the entire evening ridiculing the game as an expensive public spectacle designed todivert the bewildered herd from the increasingly brutal policies of its own corrupt government. Partygoers

regretted the decision to attend the event.

Worst Superbowl party ever, hands down, said Glenn Hamrick of Cambridge, MA. It was just a bad idea to

show up in the first place, I guess. The sad thing is, it was such a great game. I just wish I couldve enjoyed it, butChomsky kept reminding us of the USs atrocities in East Timor and Central America. And he kept saying the

Superbowl was just another distraction or something. And he kept referring to us as the bewildered herd. I dont

know, maybe hes right, but I did have 100 bucks on the over.

Hamrick attended the party at the insistence of his new girlfriend, Justine Densmore. Densmore is a student of

Chomskys and was thrilled to be invited to the gathering. She asked Hamrick to come along, assuring him that

the party would be enlightening and informative.

When I heard those words, I was a little skeptical, said Hamrick. But Justine is pretty hot. I figured if I wentwith her to this little party, it would show her how smart and intellectual I am. But I wasnt expecting it to be as

bad as it was. He had the game on in the corner on a little TV, but nobody was really paying attention to it, exceptto critique it.

According to Hamrick, Chomsky made some great points about the role of media in society and the way sports

help lull the populace into complacency.

He made some great points about sports and stuff, continued Hamrick. And it was starting to get to me. In

fact, during that fourth quarter, when both teams were scoring like crazy, and I was getting all pumped up, he said

Sports plays a societal role in engendering jingoistic and chauvinist attitudes. Theyre designed to organize acommunity to be committed to their gladiators. Ouch. Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. Its tough to

get into the game after hearing something like that.

But the most uncomfortable moment came at the end of regulation when Adam Vinatieri kicked the game

winning field goal. Hamrick, a lifelong Patriots fan, bit his nails while the Pats drove down the field to set up thekick. When the ball went through the uprights, he briefly lost his composure, much to the chagrin of his date.

Wow, when that thing went through the uprights, I just lost it, said Hamrick. I jumped out of my seat and

yelled Yes! Fuckin A, baby! Fuckin A! By the time I realized what I was doing, it was too late. Everyone was

staring at me, and Justine was cowering in the corner looking like she wanted to jump in a hole and hide. ThenChomsky, cool as can be, looked at me from under his little spectacles and said Next time you want to stand upand cheer for your football team, think about the 1 million Iraqi children who died as a result of punishing US

sanctions. That was like a punch in the stomach. A million kids is a lot. Then again, it wasa really clutch kick.

Other party attendees reported being slightly disappointed by the ultra-serious atmosphere of the Superbowl

party, but agreed that spending time with Mr. Chomsky made it worthwhile.

OK, so it wasnt your typical Superbowl party, said Lawrence Peqouia, 32. But to be able to spend time with

Noam and pick his brain is better than any Super bowl. In fact, I dont know if I can ever watch anotherSuperbowl again. How can you enjoy a sporting event knowing that your own country supported the murder of

thousands of innocent people in Central America?

Phil Davidoff, another student of Chomskys, says that even though the gathering wasnt a typical Superbowlbash, he still got plenty out of it.

I didnt know what to expect, the 25-year-old graduate student began. I showed up with my football squares

and a six pack, but it was pretty obvious it wasnt that kind of party. Chomsky was in rare form all night.

According to Davidoff, Chomsky mercilessly ridiculed the garish, expensive pre-game festivities, pointing out

that the money spent on the silly display couldve supplied food and medicine to dozens of impoverished nations.

Then during Halftime he shut the television off to engage in a roundtable discussion of the U.Ss imperialisticpolicies and how the media supports them.

That was pretty heavy stuff, said Davidoff. He talked a lot about his book Manufacturing Consent, and we all

kind of sat around discussing its themes and how they could relate to the Superbowl telecast. Then he took outthis sheet of paper and started reading off a list of terrorist acts, atrocities, and human rights violations

committed by our own government. So right at the time when everyone in America was watching Janet Jacksons

tit fall out, we were hearing about the US-backed slaughtering of Salvadoran nuns in the 1980s.

Chomskys decision to throw a Superbowl party took many of his associates by surprise. He has long been acritic of the big game and the hype surrounding it, viewing the Superbowl as the perfect example of mass media

mind control and corporate enslavement.

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Noam hates everything about the Superbowl, so it surprised me that he was throwing a Superbowl party, said

friend and fellow professor Dr. Martin Guergos. Im sure he had good reason. He probably wanted to view the

big game with a group of people in order to point out its hypocrisy and absurdity.

Indeed, the Chomsky admirers who attended the party reported that he wished to take the concept of Superbowl

party and turn it on its ear, using the time to ridicule the barbaric violence and blatant corporate-sponsoredjingoism that litters the American sports landscape.

He told me he wanted to gather and watch the game to raise some awareness about our mental enslavement to

the corporate oligarchy that dominates our lives, said Gail McTavish, 23, a student of Chomskys. It was also a

great chance to examine first hand the marriage of big time media events and macho, patriotic posturing. Plus, hewanted us to try his guacamole and bean dip.

Chomsky insists that the party was not depressing in the least. He regarded the gathering as an opportunity for a

group of citizens to organize in the great democratic tradition, speaking freely about the powers that controlthem.

My party was depressing? Maybe it was depressing to manipulators and controllers in the media, who would

love nothing more than for us to stare in mindless wonder at the eye and ear candy theyre placing in front of our

faces. Maybe its depressing to those who seek to divert us. After all, if any significant segment of the populacehad the slightest idea what the government was doing in their name they would no doubt be appalled. You want

to know whats really depressing? That we live not in a democracy, but a corporate oligarchy designed to

marginalize us, distract us, and remove us from the political process by bombarding us with bright colors,explosions and violence. Remember, the smartest way to avoid democracy is to keep people distracted.

Take the pre-game festivities, Chomsky continued. What do you see? You see corporate sponsorship joined

with so-called patriotic slogans. Believe me, it's in corporate Americas best interest that we support our

governments policies and maintain the status quo, and continue behaving like a bewildered herd, mindlessly

obeying our corrupt government and corporate whoremasters.

Although Hamrick described the party as depressing, the student also believes it was an eye-opening experience.

Chomsky is a real impressive guy. The things he says really ring true to me. I mean, yeah, Tom Brady is a great

quarterback, but he was also at President Bushs State of the Union lie-fest, so I really dont know how to think

of him. As for football, well, I dont know. I think old Noam ruined it for me forever. Now if I watch a sportingevent I feel like Im being subjugated by the mass media or something. And whenever I think of football, I think

of thousands of Iraqi children dying as a result of US sanctions that deprived them of medicine and food. Ohwell, I guess the bright side is that the over came in, so I won 100 bucks. That softens the blow a little.

Copyright 2003, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission