online version winter 2014

WINTER | 2014

PRICELESS

WE ARE OUTSOURCING

Our Kids’Care!

Life Change CHALLENGE WINNER

Beautiful Balance5 STRATEGIES FOR A BALANCED LIFE

IS MY CHILDIntellectually Gifted?

FIGHTING PAIN WITH PAIN: Why Teens Self-Harm

MessageFROM THE PUBL ISHER

CONTENTSBeautiful Balance: 5 Strategies To Help You Reap The Benefits Of Balancing Career And Parenthood.......................................2

Packing vs Staging................................6

Heather Jones-Morley KnowsGirls ARE Strong....................................8

Is My Child Intellectually Gifted?.........10

Family Fun In Milton.............................12

Fighting Pain With Pain: Why Teens Self-Harm...........................................14

How Much Money Do I Need To Retire?...18

We Are Outsourcing Our Kids’ Care!.....20

All editorial content is the property of Family Matters in Milton Magazine and cannot be reprinted in part or in whole without the written permission of the Publisher. All rights reserved. The Publisher reserves the right to reuse content and may reuse content in other media forms for the purpose of promotion of the Magazine or the Advertisers. The Pubisher does not necessarily endorse the products or services advertised. The publisher makes all efforts to ensure that information is current and accurate. However, the Pubisher does not assume liability for errors or omissions. All content is meant for information purposes only. For medical advise, please see your medicial professional.

Having just celebrated our 20th anniversary, Dan and I took our first trip to Cuba together to enjoy their wonderful weather before he starts his busy winter season of snow removal. It was just the two of

us, without the kids. Upon booking the trip, I had every intention of leaving them on their own; after all, one is a legal adult! As our departure day drew closer, I started to panic. Were Jenia and Danny going to remember to pick Mia up from dance? Would they eat properly? What if their car breaks down? How will they get to school and work? If Jenia and Danny both have to work at the same time, who looks after Mia? These thoughts sent me into full blown panic attacks, so I called my mom! I had my parents stay every night with them, at home. I called a lot and it turned out my parents were being looked after by my kids! My mom complained that Jenia would not let my parents have a party. Everything on the list of ‘to do’s’ I left behind was done, and done right. Nobody really missed us, except Mia of course! Everybody went to school and work on time, and thanks to my parents, they had healthy meals, as they should. Dan and I enjoyed a stress-free vacation in each other’s company and everyone survived! Looks like next year, we will just trust the kids, and just have the grandparents check in. We are finally at the stage we’ve been waiting for... I could get used to this!

Susana [email protected] | 647.407.5540

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Self-Care: When you are busy with a variety of responsibilities (especially caregiving tasks, such as childcare at home or managing others at work), your own needs often take a backseat. You’ve likely heard it before, but this time try to let it sink in: unless you take care of yourself, you will have little to give to others. If you truly want those under your care to receive your best, don’t neglect yourself! In addition to pursuing healthy eating, physical exercise, enjoyable activities, and ample rest, the remaining strategies all fall under self-care but deserve some special attention of their own…

Slow Down: Despite what our culture often seems to prescribe, it is possible to step off the lightening-speed merry-go-round and embrace a slower pace of life. Even when you are balancing multiple roles, not every minute of every day has to be packed full. This is not denying the value of good scheduling (see below!); however, if you

want to actually enjoy your various roles rather than just fulfill the task requirements, take a tip from the school of mindfulness: slow down the pace (of your life and your thoughts) and try to give full and nonjudgmental focus to the present moment.

Spirituality: Much research shows that those who spend time in faith-related activities experience a greater sense of well-being than those who do not. So, pursue spiritual growth and find practical ways to integrate your faith into your daily life.

Selective Scheduling: Now that you’ve slowed down your pace, which has hopefully created some space in your schedule, let’s talk about how to refill some of it! Try to set priorities based on your values and then select tasks that are consistent with them. It is important to fill your schedule primarily with things you value because

There are many potential benefits of pursuing both a career and parenthood, not the least of which are opportunities to feel a holistic sense of connectedness, lifelong learning, accomplishment, effectiveness, and purpose. However, there can also be a tug-of-war between these and other roles that can leave you feeling both conflicted and exhausted. Here are 5 strategies to help you attain balance and reap the benefits of participating in multiple roles.

B Y D R . K E R R I S D E L R O S A R I O

5 STRATEGIES TO HELP YOU REAP THE BENEFITS OF BALANCING CAREER AND PARENTHOOD

Beautiful Balance:

studies support the idea that when you attribute sacredness to your roles (some refer to this as a sense of “calling”), you experience less conflict or guilt about your roles, feel better equipped and strengthened to fulfill your responsibilities, and experience greater relationship satisfaction.

Support: Lastly, do not hesitate to seek support. While “support” does refer to such things as confiding in a good friend, sharing chores with your spouse or children, and appropriately delegating work tasks, it also refers to professional sources, examples of which include: hiring someone to clean your house or cook some meals (if financially feasible), so that you can spend quality time with your family; seeking consultation from an experienced career coach regarding career advancement rather than worrying about this on your own with little idea of how to achieve it; obtaining a psychoeducational assessment for your child if you are concerned about their academic and/or emotional functioning rather than feeling responsible to both determine and fix

the problem on your own; pursuing psychological therapy to learn how to practice mindfulness and cope with stress rather than continuing on a path to potential burnout.

Remember, balance between work and family can be attained and the benefits to be reaped are plenty! But it may take some intentional use of strategies such as those above in order to thrive in these multiple roles.

Dr. Kerris del RosarioR e g i s t e r e d P s y c h o l o g i s t

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This article was written by Dr. Kerris del Rosario, Clinical and Counselling Psychologist in Milton and Kitchener, Ontario. Dr. del Rosario provides personalized assessment and therapy for children, adolescents, adults and couples. www.KitchenerPsychologist.com

References:Hall, M.E.L.; Oates, K.L. M.; Anderson, T.L.; Willingham, M.M. (2012). Calling and conflict: The sanctification of work in working mothers. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 4(1), 71-83.Honoré, C. (2004). In praise of slowness: How a worldwide movement is challenging the cult of speed. New York, HarperCollins.

Roasted Butternut Squash, Cauliflower and Sage Soup

Ingredients1 medium sized butternut squash, cubed1 head of cauliflower, cut up into florets3 Tbsp olive oil or melted coconut oilhandful of fresh sage leaves, about 10-12 leaves½ tsp turmeric1 tsp ground cinnamon

¼ tsp ground cloves¼ tsp ground allspicesea salt and fresh ground pepper to taste8-10 cups water2 vegetable bouillon cubes (such as Harvest Sun)½ cup full fat coconut milk

1. Preheat oven to 400ºF, line large baking sheet with parchment paper.

2. Toss butternut squash and cauliflower with olive or coconut oil, half of the sage leaves, turmeric, cinnamon, cloves, allspice, about one teaspoon of salt and several grindings of black pepper. Tip out onto lined baking sheet and bake for about 30-45 minutes, until cooked through and golden.

3. Transfer roasted vegetables into a large soup pot, cover with water, add bouillon cubes and rest of fresh sage leaves. Bring to a boil, simmer for a few minutes until all the flavours have come together. Add coconut milk and adjust seasonings.

4. Carefully transfer soup into blender in small batches, blend until completely smooth. Note: leave vent hole on blender lid ajar to let steam out and place kitchen towel on top to keep splatters in. Pour pureed soup into clean pot, adjust seasonings again (usually I adjust salt last).

5. Serve with a drizzle of coconut milk, pumpkin seeds or crispy sage leaves (heat up a couple of tablespoons of coconut oil in frying pan, toss in fresh sage leaves for a few seconds until they get crispy, remove with slotted spoon and place on paper towel to drain excess oil).

Instructions

SUBMITTED BY ILONA BURKOT, soundBITES nutr i t ion

Warm up with a new twist on the classic squash soup. Best part? You can accommodate many dietary restrictions with this recipe as it is gluten-free, soy-free, milk-free and vegan; not to mention that it is enjoyed by kids and adults alike! Bon Appetit.

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Buyers DON’T want to see how you live: your array of useful kitchen gadgets and definitely NOT your amazing collection of shoes and jackets!

Buyers don’t care how you looked on your wedding day or if you had a belly photo done when you were 9 months pregnant! Take it all down and put it away!

Buyers want to walk in and see a clean, well laid out home, that functions well and has tons of potential for THEM. So, if on their visits they get distracted looking at your personal mementos, they will likely NOT buy your house. Instead they WILL buy the house they can see themselves living in.

Make it look and feel like a model home, like its been well taken care of and people have lived there happily! Set up your home so it appeals to the most amount of buyers.

For example, a townhouse could be sold to:a) single bachelorb) a couple of empty nestersc) a young commuting coupled) a single divorced parente) a family with young childrenf) all of the above

If you answered (f) you are well on your way to selling your home and for top dollar! Congratulations!

If you fall into any of the aforementioned categories and stage your home only to the category you are in you are GUARANTEED to miss opportunities!

Often I get asked what’s the difference between staging and packing? Don’t I need to pack my stuff up anyways? Yes you do, but sometimes, time is of the essence and every day that you “pack” your stuff neatly into perfect labeled boxes is a lost day on the market. So, if you bought a house quickly and your “for sale” house isn’t packed yet, just shove your miscellaneous items into boxes with a lovely word I call “TBD”, get your house on the market and deal with your “stuff” later ... After you are SOLD! Most sellers end up with approx. 60 days after an offer to pack and get ready to move.

On the flip side, if you do spend your time meticulously organizing and labeling your boxes, then you’re probably the kind of person who should sell their house first then buy your next home. You aren’t impulsive, you don’t do well under pressure and chaos is not your motivational friend!

Congratulations you’ve bought the house of your dreams, now reality sets in and it’s time to sell your house. Now we stage the house BEFORE the photographer arrives! Huh? Stage the house, why? you ask.

Packing vs StagingBY DOROTHY MACRAE

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I’ve seen clients make quick decisions to purchase a home with rapid excitement and then drag their heels with staging/ packing and later panic when the market suddenly slowed and they almost ran out of time to sell their house!

I’ve also seen clients work tirelessly to pack and stage their house while shopping for their next home and they were ready to sell moments after their purchase was done.

Who do you think enjoyed their real estate experience better?

Who do you think made more money in the end?

So next time a realtor says, lets take this house and stage it, your

answer will be: yes! Not why?

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I can’t think of a better way to cap off 2014, than being asked to be the Member of the Month for December! My weight loss journey began almost exactly a year

ago, when so many people try to start making changes, with a New Year’s resolution. This time I truly meant it, and came through the doors of Oxygen Pilates and Fitness in January resolved to make some major life changes.

I am the proud mom of two beautiful girls, 2 and 4, and am a High School Special Education teacher. So, I have a busy life! Going back to work last year I was at the highest weight I had ever been at and was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I was trying to juggle both being a mom, and being a teacher that I could be proud of. I had made the ever so bad decision that my weight

Family Matters in Milton caught up with the winner of a local Life Change Challenge Contest. The Challenge was sponsored by Oxygen Pilates and Fitness and organized by a dedicated member Rose Passarelli. With the help of fitness and nutrition experts, Heather Jones-Morley came out on top of this six month challenge. It was about much more than just weight loss! With over 40 participants, women from all walks of life gathered together to support each other in this journey. Some have found what will be life-long friendships in this group of very powerful women! Heather shares with us her success story as Oxygen Member of the Month as well as 2014 Life Change Challenge Winner.

HEATHER JONES-MORLEY KNOWS

Girls ARE Strong

LIFE CHANGE CHALLENGE WINNER

BEFORE


I started coming to Oxygen pretty regularly, and in April joined the “Life Challenge” group so I could be held accountable in my journey, and learn about nutrition. I slowly but surely started to have favourite classes, and truly love going to them. In April I conquered another fear, which was taking up running. With the encouragement of the group, and the kick-ass training of Lynn, I learned, crazily enough, to actually enjoy running. Since then I have run four 5k races, which was a major accomplishment for me, and am signed up to run my first 10k in December. I also signed up for a ‘Fall Fit’ womens week-end in Haliburton in September, and along side some amazing women, stepped out of my comfort zone. I tried activities like circus, and doing a high rope course (which is an adrenaline rush I don’t think I will forget soon!), while also doing tried and true favourites, like yoga, pilates and bootcamp. Instead of exercise being something that intimidates me, it’s now something I look forward to, and have “me” time doing. I am happy to say that I have lost about 35 pounds since that first class in January, and felt very honoured to win the 6 month “Life Challenge” that was run through Oxygen.

When I look back at this past year, I couldn’t have guessed how much my life would be changed by that resolution. I have been affected by much more than losing weight. I have met women that I truly feel inspired by and look up to. I remember reading the weight loss stories of some of the women on Lori-Ann’s website, and then that night going to class and seeing those same women giving it their all. I felt so motivated, and that I could do this too. I think as women we often feel guilty if we take time away from our families in order to do something for ourselves. However, I challenge you to think of it in a different way. I truly think I am a better mom for leading a healthier lifestyle, and have more energy to make the most of my time with my children. Having two daughters, I love that I can pass on a healthy body image and encourage them through example to enjoy good food and exercise. My four year old participated in a 1k ‘fun run’ this summer and afterwards she was so excited about how she was now a ‘runner’. In an excited voice on the way home she asked me: “Girls are strong, right Mommy?” What have I learned through my journey this year? “Yup, honey, girls are strong!”

didn’t matter between having kids, (I was going to get big anyway right?). So I had become a daily driver through Starbucks for my grande latte with a treat on the side, and I ate out more than I ate in. The pounds quickly found me. However, I didn’t want to loose weight so I could become skinny, I wanted to lose weight as it was starting to affect my relationship with my family. I was utterly exhausted by the time I came home every day, and struggled to have enough energy to get to the girl’s bedtime, when I could crash on the couch and have a “nap” before my bedtime (yes, that is brutal). I had caught myself a few times falling asleep on the playroom

floor, with the girls literally crawling on me while I caught some z’s. Not the best parenting!

In October last year, some stomach pain resulted in emergency appendicitis surgery. As I lay on the gurney, trying to wrap my brain around what was going on, my ever competent surgeon felt

around my stomach, pressing on things and I guess figuring out his game plan. He

let me know that I had very little abdominal muscles and was carrying extra fat, and that if

I didn’t do something about it, it would affect my health in a major way. With those reassuring words I went under! I needed to change things, as I was on a path that didn’t reflect how I wanted to live my life.

A friend had convinced me to take the Baby and Me classes at Oxygen during my mat leave, and although I had bought a set of classes, I had only used a couple. That seemed like a good place to start, so off to Oxygen I went! My first class was a Zumba class, and there was a big snow storm that day. I remember I kept checking the website to see if the class was cancelled, in order to justify to myself not going. However, no luck for me, the class was on and I couldn’t escape it! Coming into the low light waiting room, full of these girls who were super chatty and looked very comfortable being there, I felt totally out of my element. Turns out though the class was awesome, and although I felt physically wiped by the end of it, I actually had fun. Surfset/TRX was my next adventure, where I was introduced to the crazy world of planking with my feet in stirrups. I was a little concerned at one point that I might embarrass myself by losing my lunch! However, those days seem pretty far away now. These days, I can easily plank.


However, giftedness does not always manifest itself as an “overachieving genius”. Many children who are gifted appear bored and

frustrated in school; they might be fidgety, emotional, and underachieving, leading teachers to think they have problems with attention rather than giftedness.

Here are some common characteristics of children who are intellectually gifted:

Thinking: Master a new skill with unusual speed, exceptional memory; and resourceful, creative, and improvise well in play.

Learning: Learn quickly and efficiently; bored easily if not challenged; and ask questions that show advanced insight or understanding.

Physical abilities: Development of particular motor

skills earlier than other children of same age.

Language skills: Highly developed vocabulary, articulate, and tendency to speak quickly; and read, write, or use numbers in ways that are advanced for their age.

Emotional, Social and Behavioural Traits: Sensitivity to the needs or feelings of others, use of verbal skills to handle conflict, more emotionally intense than peers, high level of activity, and strong leadership skills.

Does your child show any of these signs? Without a proper assessment, there is no easy way to verify whether or not your child is gifted. A formal assessment for giftedness is more comprehensive, and requires administration of standardized psychological and/or developmental testing carried out by a registered child psychologist.

Gifted?IS MY CHILDINTELLECTUALLY

All children have their strengths and weaknesses when it comes to learning. When we think of learning differences, we rarely focus on the advanced learner. To be recognized as “intellectually gifted,” a child must have the potential or ability to think, reason, and problem-solve at a level that is significantly beyond other children of the same age. “Giftedness” is a school board identification, often based on standardized cognitive tests, achievement scores and past grades, observation, and input from parents and teachers. In many school districts only children in the top 1 to 2% of intelligence testing are eligible for identification.

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BY DR. PAULO P IRES , C . PSYCH. & DR. SHONNA JOHN, C . PSYCH.

Halton Psychologists, 14A Martin Street, Milton, L9T 2P9

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WINTEREventsFamily Fun

IN MILTONStory and Craft Time at Hawthorne Derry & Trudeau

Story and Craft TimeJoin us for story and craft every Thursday at 10:30 am.

Geared for ages 2 - 6 years, we read some of our favorite stories and do a craft.

Magical Lights of Milton876 Willow Ave, Milton

Sit in the warmth of your vehicle as our music plays through your fm radio and over 16,000 lights come to life synchronized to the music. Donations are being collected for MILTON DISTRICT HOSPITAL FOUNDATION. Look for the white mail box attached to our fm sign.

November 29th - January 4thSunday - Thursday 5:30pm - 10:30pmFriday & Saturday 5:30pm - 11:00pm December 24th - 28th 5:30pm - midnight

http://www.magicallightsofmilton.com/

Holiday Magic on Main - GeorgetownFriday December 5th

6:00pm - 9:00pm

Enjoy great shopping, sales and promotions, a visit with Santa Claus, carollers, family fun, horse and wagon rides and more.

Participating businesses will provide an assortment of events for the evening, including providing refreshments, open houses and holiday sales and specials and providing different activities.

http://www.downtowngeorgetown.com

Santa at Milton MallMilton Mall, 55 Ontario St S, Milton, ON L9T 2M3

Monday to Friday, 4:00pm - 8:00pmSaturdays, 10:00am - 5:00pmSundays, 12 noon - 5:00pmDecember 22nd & 23rd, 10:00am - 8:00pm December 24th, 10:00am - 3:00pm

2014 Babies GET A FAST TRACK TO SANTA ON MONDAYS!See website for all the details.

www.miltonmall.com

FirePower Kids HOLIDAY PARTY519 Main St. East, Milton, Ontario L9T 3J2

Sunday, December 21st, 2:00pm - 4:00pm

Members, friends, family, community, come celebrate this holiday season. Festive crafts and a special performance by our very own Cirque Kids. Snacks and beverages will be provided.

Admission is FREE. Please bring a non perishable food item for our Food Drive (one item per family minimum).

Winter Days in the CountryMountsberg Conservation Area2259 Milburough Line, Hamilton, ON L0P 1B0

Fri, 26 December, 10am - 4pmDecember 26- February 16 - Weekends and holidays

Enjoy a winter sleigh ride followed by hot chocolate and marshmallows around a campfire (additional fee applies). Call for details on children’s programming and live Bird of Prey shows!

Public Bird of Prey shows 2:15 the first and third Wednesday of each month.

www.conservationhalton.ca/events

New Year’s HooplaMountsberg Conservation Area, 2259 Milburough Line, Hamilton, ON L0P 1B0

Wednesday December 31st, 6:00pm - 9:00pm

Plenty of fun activities, goodies to eat, wagon rides, night hikes and a puppet show. This family friendly event starts the big countdown at 9pm. Tickets must be purchased in advance via website below.

www.conservationhalton.ca/events

WINTER

Youth Dance for Grades 5-8Milton Leisure Centre1100 Main Street East, Milton, ON

Friday, Janary 30th, 7:00 - 9:30pm

Tickets and membership wristband available at 410 Bronte St. South in Milton. Dances are supervised by MCRC staff, community volunteers and parent volunteers.

Cost: $15.00 Please visit MCRC Website or contact Lee-Ann Babin at 905-876-1244 ext 210 or via [email protected] for further information.

http://mcrc.on.ca/mcrc/events

Battle of the MagiciansMilton Centre for the Arts1010 Main St E, Milton, ON L9T 6H7

Saturday, January 31st 2015, 8:00pm - 9:30pm

Two magicians battle it out on stage to see who is best. What happens when they meet? You end up with a fun-filled magic show with amazing illusions, crazy antics, dancing, and even a bird named Austin. From the young and the young at heart, this show will leave you walking away with a huge smile on your face.

Adult: $35 | Student/Senior: $32 | eyeGo: $5

http://www.optimistclubofmilton.org

Parenting Together Workshop @ MCRCMilton Community Resource Centre410 Bronte St S, Milton, ON L9T 0H8

Tuesday February 3rd, 2015, 6:30pm - 8:30pm

Join guest speaker Brian Russell to explore ways to build resiliency as a couple so you can build resiliency in your children. Resilient couples, resilient children!

http://www.mcrc.on.ca/registration

HALTON FAMILY DAY AMAZING RACEIn Support of The United WayMilton, ON

Monday February, 16 2015, 10:00am - 1:00pm

REGISTER EARLY!!!!-ONLY THE FIRST 100 FAMILIES/TEAMS WILL BE ACCEPTED FOR THIS AWESOME EVENT.

http://www.haltonamazingrace.ca

Sunset Snowshoe Hike KidsCrawford Lake Conservation Area3115 Conservation Rd, Milton, ON L9T 2X3, Canada

Saturdays January - February, 2015

4:00pm – 6:00pm

Guided snowshoe hike illuminated by moonlight and the stars bright in the night sky. The evening will end fireside with some tasty hot chocolate. Pre-registration required. Every Saturday in January & February.

http://www.conservationhalton.ca/events

Flapjack OlympicsMountsberg Conservation Area2259 Milburough Line, Hamilton, ON L0P 1B0

Sunday March, 1st, 2015, 11:00am - 3:00pm

Visitors compete in traditional and non-traditional sugar bush events. Something for kids of all ages and their families. Prizes awarded for exceptional performances.

http://www.conservationhalton.ca/events

Magic with Tyler Fergus @ Kelsey’sKelsey’s, 45 Chisholm Dr, Milton, ON

Sundays, 5:00pm - 8:00pm

Take the family out for dinner and to see Tyler Fergus’ magic show each Sunday at Kelsey’s.

http://www.firstclassmagic.webs.com/

Information brought to you by

Download the free BusyKids Milton app and for more kids’ activities info at www.budykids.ca/app.html


P arents and teachers are often baffled by self-harm behaviors as it is hard to understand why someone would intentionally hurt themselves.

Why do some youth intentionally inflict pain on themselves?

Experimentation. Some youth try self-harm behavior out of curiosity the same way they may try smoking, drinking, or even drugs. A portion of youth who experiment with self-harm decide not to continue as they find it painful and do not derive any perceived benefit from it to compensate for the pain.

Distraction from Negative Emotions. As the general function of pain is to get our attention to a potential physical threat to our bodies, the physical pain associated with self-harm is extremely quick and effective in interrupting and suppressing other distressing thoughts and emotions. Thus, physical

As many as 1 in 20 high school students have engaged in self-harm behaviors in the

last year. Self-harm is the term mental health professionals use to refer to non-life

threatening behaviors meant to cause physical harm to the self, without the intent to

commit suicide. The most common form of self-harm behavior is “cutting” the skin

using a sharp object such as a knife or razor. At times youth may “carve” words into

their skin that reflect their particular emotions or thoughts (e.g. “failure”, “loser”,

“disgusting”). Youth typically cut their arms, legs and stomach. Less common forms of

self-harm include burning the skin, hitting, biting, hair-pulling, and the picking of skin

or scabs. Self-harm behaviors typically first occur between the ages of 12 and 14, and

are more common among girls.

FIGHTINGPAIN WITH PAIN:

Why TeensSelf-Harm

Continued on page 16

pain serves as a highly effective distraction from emotional pain or suffering. A secondary emotional benefit to physical pain is that our body releases endorphins into the bloodstream when we experience pain, and this serves to both reduce the pain and, once the pain has subsided, can leave a euphoric feeling. Youth who experience considerable fluctuations in their moods and who do not possess effective coping strategies are more likely to resort to self-harm behaviors when emotionally distressed.

Self-Punishment. Youth may also engage in self-harm behaviors as an expression of self-hatred and self-punishment. These youth tend to not only have poor self-esteem, but self-hatred or anger at the self. In this case the self-harm behavior typically follows a perceived wrong-doing.

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This article was written by Dr. Sherry Van Blyderveen, and Dr. Kim Saliba Clinical Psychologists with New Leaf Psychology Centre. Dr. Saliba facilitates a weekly DBT skills group for teens who engage in self-harm or other harmful coping strategies. www.newleafpsychology.ca

References:Bethell, J., Bondy, S., Lou, W., Guttmann, A., & Rhodes, A. (2013). Canadian Journal of Public Health.

Nock, M. (2010). Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6, 339–63.

New Leaf Psychology Centre is committed to providing a place

where you and your family can feel comfortable and understood.

For details about our Teen DBT Skills Group,

designed to reduce self-harm and impuslive behaviours, give us a call or visit us at

www.newleafpsychology.ca Adult and parent groups are also available.

905 878 5050210-400 Main Street East

Milton, Ontario

Communication of Distress. When youth do not possess many supports or do not know how to communicate their emotions with the people in their lives, they may use self-harm behaviors as a strategy to communicate their degree of their distress to others. Youth may wear clothing that leaves their cuts visible to others, may leave evidence of the self-harm behaviors (e.g. razors, bloody tissues) to be found, or may explicitly tell others about their self-harm behaviors. Some youth hope that these behaviors will lead to support and comfort from others, while other youth simply want their parents to know that they are distressed.

Although some youth are able to stop self-harm behaviors on their own, other youth may require treatment to support them in giving up self-harm behaviors in exchange for less harmful coping strategies. Currently, the most effective treatment available for self-harm behaviors is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT includes teaching youth alternative coping skills to deal with changes in mood through group therapy, and reinforcement of these skills in individual therapy where skill use is tracked and applied to the youth’s personal experiences. Sometimes phone consultations are also provided to help youth in the moment of emotional crisis.

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The 4% RuleThe 4% rule denotes that you will need enough capital to be able to live off 4% of that capital. If you think that you can live on $40,000 a year, then you will need $1 million, since $40,000 is 4% of $1 million. However, you also have to consider inflation, interest and growth in your portfolio, CPP/OAS and other benefits you may receive. This is a very simplistic way to look at retirement income; however, it is a good starting point.

The Rule Of 20Another general rule you can use, is the rule of 20, which suggests that for every $1 of annual retirement income you would like, you’ll have to have $20 saved up. So if you’re looking for $20,000 over and above CPP and OAS, then you’ll want to have portfolio worth $400,000 by the time you retire. This is another rule that you need to be careful of. Just make sure that you accurately gauge your retirement needs.

The 10% RuleWhile a little too simplified, the 10% rule tells us to save 10% of our gross income towards retirement. The issue with the effectiveness of this rule is dependent on what age someone starts implementing it. The 10% rule works well if you start in your 20s, but if you don’t start until your mid- to late-40s, just saving 10% of your income isn’t going to be enough. You need to adjust the amount you

put aside depending on how much time you have to let it grow. Many people start saving later when their kids are out of daycare, they are more established in their career, perhaps have a higher income, and have built up more equity in their home by paying down their mortgage.

So, how much money do I need to retire?Hopefully these retirement calculations will help you see what you’ll need to save to have the retirement you’re looking forward to. Don’t let a high income number discourage you from making a plan. Keep in mind that a couple who have worked most of their adult lives and retired at 65 can expect CPP and OAS to pay as much as $30,000 a year (as of now). Work those programs into your numbers and you’ll likely be pretty pleased with how easy it can be to retire comfortably with just a little planning! Individuals who work with a professional advisor will more likely stick to their plans, get ongoing support and feel more confident in the plan they have laid out. An independent Advisor/Broker can offer you many more options and solutions that a traditional financial institution can (for example insurance options as well as mutual funds, GIC’s, and other securities if licensed).

Shannon McCrae is a licensed Independent Investment Advisor with Desjardins Financial Security Investments Inc. For more information please send any questions or comments to her at [email protected]

Sounds like a simple enough question, but the answer is completely different for each individual and/or family, based on many factors. There are a few simple calculations that might help to give you an idea. The first step is determining your income number. Do you think you will need less money, more money or something equivalent to your current income? Some people may think they need less (no mortgage/downsizing, no working expenses, will cut down on spending, etc.) when in fact, during retirement many people require an equal amount or more (travel, still have mortgage, don’t want to move/downsize, buy vacation property, give more to kids/grandkids).

How much moneyDO I NEED TO RETIRE?

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I n this fast paced, materialistic generation, it is not uncommon for families to feel the pressure of providing the best of everything

for our children and for ourselves. It is common to struggle between climbing the ladder of success and “having it all”, or living on less and creating a more stable and nurturing environment for our families. The line is never clearly drawn and the decision is never black and white. However, for the Clark Family, owners of Firepower Kids, the decision was inevitable. Without a change in their lifestyle, their family life would fall apart and their marriage would eventually be in jeopardy.

COVER STORY

OUR KIDS’ CARE! Born and raised in Montreal, Stewart and Jackie Clark were living their dream. The successful marketing executives met at Reebok Canada, where they spent long days at the office and long weeks away from home. With her insatiable drive to climb the corporate ladder, Jackie recalls, “I wanted the bigger pay cheque, the vacations, the bigger home, the shopping!” The couple was on the same page; both aspired to have the best of everything and excel in their careers. The Clarks were in the beginning stages of raising their adorable young boys, Bennett and Coleson, when Stewart was transferred to Reebok Canada’s Toronto offices. Once in Toronto,

Continued on page 22

We Are Outsourcing


the Clarks didn’t have a large circle of friends. They did, however, have an existing relationship with the Owners of Reebok Crossfit Firepower, as a result of their connection with Reebok. Stewart recalls, “the four of us just clicked!” The Clarks and Savards went on to develop a very close friendship and the Clarks became very involved members at RCFP. They made the natural decision to settle their beautiful family here in Milton.

After settling into the community, their hectic schedules did not change. They continued to both be away from the boys more often than either of them wanted to be. Stewart admits, “there were various times when we both happened to be away for a full week at the same time.” The boys were being looked after by their grandparents, aunts and uncles and good friends. While Stewart is verbalizing this realization, he glances at Jackie who is shaking her head and fights back a tear, as if she herself can’t believe it. She adds, “I knew there was something was wrong, and I knew things needed to change. I used to read magazines with stories of women who left their corporate careers and huge pay cheques for their families, and I thought, ‘how did they do that?’” Their two often discussed the need for change; the move and discontentment with their lack of presence in their sons’ lives was inevitably taking on toll on their marriage as well. During a discussion one day, Stewart made an eye opening analogy, “when you have too much on your plate at work, or if it is something you are not skilled or have the resources to do, you outsource it. This is precisely what we are doing we our kids, we are outsourcing our children’s care!”

It wasn’t until a four day Vegas getaway with the Savards that the shift happened. The four spent their

vacation time pondering the Clarks’ situation. The Clarks, as Stewart admits, had visions and far off dreams of one day having their own business. They knew it would involve fitness somehow, as they had always lived the Crossfit Lifestyle. The two couples spent those four days in intense conversations about making a change and what that change would look like. Reebok Crossfit Firepower was growing at an incredible rate. Their family focused

facility encouraged families to come out to the gym together. It was not, and is still not uncommon for parents to work out while their children hung out doing homework or socializing with other members children. With the growth however, it became increasingly difficult to accommodate this. The need for an expansion was eminent.

The Clarks and Savards decided that this was the shift: the Clarks would run Firepower Kids. The Clarks arrived back from Vegas on a Monday and on the Friday of that same week, Jackie resigned at Reebok Canada. When I asked her how she felt in that moment, she says, “I thought I was crazy. I thought people must think I’m crazy! I felt scared, I felt excited and empowered! I was so used to a life of security and stability and was entering into the unknown.” Jackie resigned in January of 2013, and Firepower Kids became a reality in May 2013. Stewart’s sister, Stacy Clark had been a Acrobatic Coach with Cirque Du Soleil and had also made the decision to leave her career to work with children. Her experience as a Circus Coach, and the Clarks’ marketing background, along with their love of fitness was a natural fit. Today, Firepower Kids’ 3,200 sq. ft space features CrossFit Kids, a functional exercise program

When you have too much on your plate at work, or if it is something you are

not skilled or have the resources to do, you outsource it. This is precisely what we are doing we our kids, we are outsourcing

our children’s care”!

The Medeiros Family,Danny Jr., Susana, Mia, Dan and Jenia

142 Martin Street , Mi l ton Ontar io , L9T 2R2PHONE: 647 302 6995EMAIL: [email protected]: www.satinderbrar.ca

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that develops strength, coordination, balance, agility, flexibility and endurance. Cirque classes introduce children to circus skills such as aerial, wire walking, acrobatics, juggling and object manipulation.

When asked about any regrets, without hesitation, Jackie says, “since the day I gave notice, I have never looked back. It hasn’t been an easy ride, but so worth it every day. I knew I wanted a life that allowed me to experience my kids in these younger years, have a happy husband and marriage, and to make a difference in the lives of others, and I now have that.” Jackie admits, “There are many days when I miss my big house, my pool, traveling to warm places, shopping for new clothes... then there are days when I get to spend all day with my kids and I’ve just witnessed over 35 kids in just one day experience something they might not have, and then I don’t miss those things anymore.” Stewart and Jackie are both very grateful for the overwhelming support of the community. They both agree that despite only having known two

people in town a short while ago, Milton has certainly become their family. Jackie smiles as she recalls the recent Santa Claus Parade, “It seemed every five feet, I knew a child watching the parade, and I knew then by name!”

The Clarks spend their days at Firepower Kids. Bennett and Coleson take great pride in knowing it is theirs; they have a blast every day. They are leading a healthy lifestyle surrounded by other children. Dinner is often eaten there, but as a family. There are still days when Jackie admits finding it challenging to try to work and have the boys there always needing her. What I saw? I saw a beautiful couple doing a great job at balancing the careers and their family. I saw two very happy and super cute little boys having their snack that mommy had packed for them. When Coleson got cranky because he was still hungry, mommy was right there to scoop him up in to her arms. Coleson planted a huge kiss on her lips and buried his head in her neck. Jackie, still with a trace of tear in her eye, was smiling from ear to ear.

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Our fun and active camp program will keep the kids busy all march break. Our fun and active camp program will keep the kids busy all march break.

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MAKING MILTON smile

online version winter 2014

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