“overindulging children means giving them too much of what looks good, too soon, for too long;...
TRANSCRIPT
Definition of Overindulgence.
“Overindulging children means giving them too much of what looks good, too soon, for too long; giving them things or experiences that are not appropriate for their age or their interests and talents.Overindulging is the process of giving things to children to meet the adults needs not the children’s needs.Parents who overindulge give a disproportionate amount of family resources to one or more children in a way that appears to meet the children’s needs but does not. Overindulged children experience scarcity in the midst of plenty. They have so much of something that it actively harms or at least stagnates them and deprives them of achieving their full potential.Overindulgence is a form of child neglect. It hinders children from doing their developmental tasks and from learning necessary life lessons.” (Clarke and Dawson)
Over Nurturing.
• Our behaviour reflects the thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves, others and the world around us.
• Nurturing is an important part of being a parent, but it’s only half the story, The other half is structure.
• Nurturing is providing love, Warmth, Support, Stimulation and recognition.
• It helps to build a child’s self-esteem.• Nurturing is a good thing, it comes from the heart, but
like most things in life, Too Much of a good thing can become harmful.
Is it possible to ‘Overnurture’?
• Overnurturing can be a form of child neglect!• If the parent is meeting THEIR needs and not
the child’s.• If the parent makes themselves indispensable
at a cost to the child, delaying the child’s development.
• It can prevent children doing things for themselves.
learned Helplessness.
• Overnurturing is a sure way to create helplessness in our children.
• If adults over nurture they deprive the child of valuable life lessons.
• The child may decide that he does not need to learn how to function, do things for himself, or consider the needs of others because he can expect or manipulate others into caring for him.
The effects of Overnurturing.
Over nurturing can lead to:-
• Not knowing what is ‘enough’.• It can cause confusion between ‘want’s and needs’.• Children may begin to expect instant gratification.• Poor self control or self regulation.• An overblown sense of entitlement.
Structure.
• It can be hard for some parents to be consistent with rules and boundaries, It can be difficult to stand by and watch our children in discomfort.
• Firm structure not only makes life more secure and predictable for the child; in the long run it also makes life easier for the parents, as many would-be, could-be misadventures and crisis are avoided. Maybe best of all, what the child grows up experiencing, she learns to do for herself. Children learn good boundaries and self care.
Clear rules and Boundaries re visited.
• Be clear where your boundaries are.
• Football pitches, tennis courts and most other sport arenas have clear, straight lines (boundaries) how confusing would it be if we had wavy, zig zag lines or movable ones. How would we know if the ball was in our out?
• We all have Non negotiable and Negotiable rules! Don’t cross the road when a car is coming is obviously NOT negotiable. Stopping up later at the weekend than on a school day may be one you decide to negotiate with your children. As long as it fits with you and your family rules DO change. What is acceptable for a child of 15 is not the same as it was when they were 7 for example.
Do your children do chores?
• It’s a way your children can learn new skills and responsibility.
• If I do everything for my child when they are perfectly capable of doing it for themselves, it can be seen as me implying they are not competent.
• Some instances of over nurturing look harmless, others may be extreme, but they all deprive children of chances to learn how to care for themselves and others.
Who’s the pack leader in your family?
• For a child who is over indulged and the parents have little structure, the child may decide to take on the role themselves.
• Sometimes as parents we have to be the bad guy and put consistent rule in place, it is an innate need in humans to have structure so if a parent has none it will put its own structure in place, often from a very young perspective.
• How much is too much – Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson, David Bredehoft.
• Growing up Again- Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson• Email – [email protected]
• Facebook – parentplus2015
• Website www.parent-plus.co.uk
Resourses