Mirador18 Entertainment 11/6/09

You Don’t Know These Things, But You Should

What to do if Your Oven Catches on Fire:1. Disregard your initial thought, which is probably to throw water on top of the oven. (This will result in an even larger fire.)2. Open the oven and sprinkle baking soda over the fire.3. If this doesn’t work, call 911.

How to Recognize Poison Oak:Nothing is worse than going on a hike and taking artsy photos with “unique and/or colorful” leaves and waking up in the morning to find poison oak all over your hands and face. So as the old saying goes, “if it’s hairy it’s a berry, if it’s shiny watch your hiny: leaves of three leave it be.”

How to Make Pasta:Patience is the key to making a successful pot of pasta. Don’t give in to your unbearable hunger or salivating mouth. You need to wait for the water to boil (approximately 7 minutes on medium heat)! To expedite this process, add a pinch of salt; it will raise the boiling temperature. The higher temperature of the water will cook the pasta faster.

How to Parallel Park:The skill of parallel parking is only understood by an elite few. Fortunately for the

Mirador, reporter Kelsey Williams is what we would call an “experienced driver,” considering she has just gotten her year, has been in few accidents and has only gotten a handful of tickets.

Kelsey’s tips to success: “First line up your car to the car that will be in front of you so that your mirrors match up. Then put your right arm on the back of the passenger seat. Next you back up straight until your mirrors line up with the middle of your neighboring car. Then you crank the wheel right and back up a little bit into the turn. When the rear of the vehicle is mostly in the space, crank the wheel to the left and back up as far as you can, before you hit the bumper of the car behind you. Then put your car back into drive and straighten out in the space.”

How to Give Genuine Compliments:Incorrect: “You look a lot better than you did yesterday.”How to fix it: Keep it simple and classy: “You look good today.”Incorrect: “Those earrings look like something Joey Baier would wear.”How to fix it: Avoid comparing fashion statements with Joey Baier’s: “Those earrings look fly. Super feminine and funky.”

Essential Words You Should Probably be Able to Spell:You should definatley make a commitmant to look at your shcedule (maybe tomarrow) to learn commonly mispelled words. Make it your perogative because you are so privleged to be going to a school like miramonte and their easy words to spell. If you don’t you’re English teacher might herass you.

by Dani Vignos

As a child you depended on your parents and community for guidance because you had not acquired all of the necessary skills that you needed for basic everyday tasks. However, as college approaches and your parents and siblings are no longer a hallway away, “I don’t know how” is no longer a valid excuse. Here are some essentials that you should know how to do before you leave the comfort of your home and journey into the unpredictable world.

by Nick Eliason

Thanksgiving brings in the best of times each and every year. It’s a time to be thankful for all you’ve got. And I know most of you have more crap than you deserve. Here’s a list:

• Turkeys - Making turkeys, eating turkeys, shooting turkeys, singing about turkeys (I’ve done this. Nick Meek and I did a duet in the third grade. It was beautiful).• Eating in general.Unbuttoning your pants after eating so much and then buttoning them back up because Davis is watching you.• “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” – not as classic as “A Charlie Brown Christmas” or “Halloween” but still Charlie effing Brown nonetheless.• Not seeing extended family – am I supposed to like these people?• Thanksgiving day football games that give you something to talk about with said extended family – this saved my @$$ last year.• Watching drunk uncles hit on your sister (not to say this has ever happened to me, but I imagine this is common in West Virginia).• Having a week off knowing most everywhere else kids only get a couple days off and then realizing in January all those kids are already done with finals while you’re still getting lated.• Learning about the history of Thanksgiving and not caring past the part where you make paper pilgrim hats.• Being asked, “what are you thankful for?” all day when it’s supposed to be “for what are you thankful?” You can’t end a sentence with a preposition. C’mon.• Watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and hoping just maybe one balloon will drift off with a person still hanging on.

Thanksgiving Fun

This is Joey Baier’s ear. Do not make comparisons to it.

Photo: D. Louie

How to Smile for a Camera:Mirador’s own Michael Roe has shared his secrets to success.Mirador: What is your initial thought when someone asks you to smile?Michael Roe: I know I’m going to rock it. I see the goal and I go for it. I look at that camera and know what I want.M: Do you ever get nervous or confused?MR: Never.M: Can you give us a play by play?MR: 1.Compliment the camera with your eyes.2. Wink at the photographer.3. Look past the camera to give that natural heart felt feel.4. Make the corners of your mouth reach your ears.5. Smile as if each of your teeth is smiling.6. Think big. Think bold. Think beautiful.

Michael grudgingly gives it his all. Two onlookers left their husbands the next day. Michael has been male model of the year for the past five years, can he win a sixth award this June?

Graphic: E. Hass

Mirador’s Dani Vignos tackles the essential how-to’s of the 21st century

Dani teaches the incompetents the art of making pasta.Photo: M. Roe