p and p full script by caroline w

8/2/2019 P and P Full Script by Caroline W

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With thanks to Caroline W.

Page 1

Script of Pride And Prejudice

(1995 A & E / BBC Production)Starring Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle

PART ONE

A meadow offering a view of Netherfield

Bingley: It's a fair prospect.

Darcy: Pretty enough, I grant you.

Bingley: Oh, it's nothing to Pemberley, I know. But I must settle somewhere. Have I your approval?

Darcy: You'll find the society something savage.

Bingley: Country manners -- I think they're charming.


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Darcy: Then you d better take it.

Bingley: Thank you, I shall. I shall close with the attorney directly.

Longbourn House (The Bennet Residence)

Lydia (o.s.): Well, its mine now. You never wear it anyway.

Kitty (o.s.): I would! I wanted to wear it today! Look what you've done to it! Mama, Mama! Lydia hasstolen my bonnet and made it up new, and says she will wear it to church. Tell her she shallnot, Mama!

Lydia (o.s.): I shall wear it, Mama, and beg you would tell her so, for it's all my own work. And shewould be a fright in it because she's too plain to look well in it!

Mrs Bennet (o.s.): Oh!

Lydia: No, you shall not have it! Mama, tell her so!

Mrs Bennet: Lydia! Kitty! Girls! Would you tear my nerves in tattered shreds? Oh, let her have it, Kitty,and be done with it!

Kitty: But it's mine! You let her have everything that is mine!

Mrs Bennet: Oh-h-h! (o.s.) Oh, what is to become of us all? Jane! Lizzy! Where are you?

Jane: Here, Mama.

Elizabeth: Coming, Mama.

Outside Longbourn Village Church

Mrs Bennet: My dear! Mr Bennet! Wonderful news! Netherfield Park is let at last!

Mr Bennet: Is it?


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Mrs Bennet: Yes, it is, for I have just had it from Mrs Long. And do you not want to know who has takenit?

Mr Bennet: You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.

Mrs Bennet: Why then, it is taken by a young man of large fortune from the north of England. A singleman of large fortune, my dear. He came down on Monday in a chaise and four to see the

place. His name is Bingley, and he will be in possession by Michaelmas. And he has five

thousand a year! What a fine thing for our girls.

Mr Bennet: How so? And how can it affect them?

Mrs Bennet: Oh, Mr Bennet, how can you be so tiresome? You must know that I'm thinking of hismarrying one of them!

Elizabeth: For a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Mrs Bennet: Yes, he must, indeed! And who better than one of our five girls?

[Lydia giggles and snorts]

Jane: Lydia!

Lydia: What a fine joke if he were to choose me!

Kitty: Or me!

Mr Bennet: So that is his design in settling here? To marry one of our daughters?

Mrs Bennet: Design? Oh, how can you talk such nonsense! But you know, he may very likely fall in lovewith one of them. Therefore you must visit him directly he comes.

Mr Bennet: Visit him? Oh no, no, I see no occasion for that.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, Mr Bennet!

Mr Bennet: Go yourself, with the girls. Or, still better, send them by themselves.

Mrs Bennet: By themselves!

Mr Bennet: Aye, for you're as handsome as any of em; Mr Bingley might like you best of the party.


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[Lydia giggles and snorts]

Elizabeth: Lydia!

Longbourn House: The Hall and Drawing Room

Mrs Bennet: Hill! Oh, Hill! Hill! I am so distressed! For Mr Bennet says he will not visit Mr Bingleywhen he comes.

Hill: Oh, there, there, maam.

Kitty: Mama, can't you reason with him?

Lydia: What are we going to do if were never allowed to meet anyone?

Hill: I dare say it will all be well.

Mrs Bennet: No, no, it will not! For he is bent on ruining us all!

Jane: Mama, Im sure hes teasing you. He will call on Mr Bingley as sure as he would call on anynew neighbour of ours.

Mrs Bennet: No, no, Jane, how can you say that? You heard him yourself, and you know that your father has a will of iron.

Mr Bennet: You're in the right, my dear. But I'll tell you what I'll do. I shall write to Mr Bingley,informing him that I have five daughters, and hes welcome to any of them t hat he chooses.They're all silly and ignorant like other girls; well, Lizzy has a little more wit than the rest.But then, he may prefer a stupid wife, as others have done before him. There, will that do?

Mrs Bennet: No, no. I beg you will not write at all if you . . . . Oh, you take delight in vexing me! Youhave no compassion on my poor nerves!

Mr Bennet: You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyve been my old friendsthese twenty years at least.

Mrs Bennet: You don't know what I suffer!

Mr Bennet: Well, I hope you will get over it, and live to see many young men of five thousand a year


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Jane: Well, I shall try, to please you. And you?

Elizabeth: I am determined that nothing but the very deepest love will induce me into matrimony. So . .. I shall end an old maid, and teach your ten children to embroider cushions and play their instruments very ill.

Longbourn House: An Upstairs Hall

Elizabeth: Good night, Mama.

Mrs Bennet: My head is very ill tonight.

Lydia: [To Kitty] Lord, I said I wouldn't dance with him if he was the last man in Meryton!

Elizabeth: Good night, Lydia. Good night, Kitty.

Lydia & Kitty: Good night, Lizzy.

A Country Lane

Lydia: Lizzy! Wait till you hear our news!

Longbourn House: The Drawing Room

Lydia: Mr Bingley has come to Netherfield!

Kitty: And Sir William Lucas has called on him!

Lydia: Save your breath to cool your porridge, Kitty, I will tell Mama.

Mrs Bennet: Ill not wish to know. What should we care for Mr Bingley, since we are never to beacquainted with him.


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Lydia: But, Mama!

Mrs Bennet: D ont keep coughing so, Kitty! For heavens sake, have a little compa ssion on my nerves!

Kitty: [Talking simultaneously with Lydia (next line)] I dont cough for my own amusement.

Lydia: He has thirty servants -- forty servants -- and hes very handsome and wears a blue coat.

Kitty: And he declared to Sir William that he loves to dance!

Lydia: And he promised to come to the next ball.

Kitty: At the assembly rooms.

Lydia: On Saturday!

Kitty: And bring six ladies and four gentlemen.

Lydia: Nay, it was twelve ladies and seven gentlemen.

Elizabeth: [Sotto voce to Jane] Too many ladies.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, Lydia, I beg you would stop. For we are never to know Mr Bingley and it pains me tohear of him.

Lydia: But, Mama!

Mrs Bennet: I am sick of Mr Bingley!

Mr Bennet: Im sorry to hear that. If Id known as much this morning, I should never have called on him.

Mrs Bennet: You have called on him?

Mr Bennet: Im afraid we cannot escape the acquaintance now.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, ho, ho, ho, my dear Mr Bennet, how good you are to us!

Mr Bennet: Well, well.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, girls, girls, is he not a good father? And never to tell us. What a good joke! Oh, now youshall all dance with Mr Bingley!


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Elizabeth: I hope he has a strong constitution, Mama.

Mr Bennet: And a fondness for silly young women.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, my dear Mr Bennet, nothing you say shall ever vex me again.

Mr Bennet: Im sorry to hear it. Well, Kitty, I think you may cough as much as you choose now.

The Meryton Assembly

Person in street (v/o): Come on you lads, look alive there!

Miss Bingley: Shall we be quite safe here, Mr Darcy, do you think?

Mr Hurst: Damned silly way to spend an evening.

Sir William Lucas: Mr Bingley! Allow me the pleasure of welcoming you to our little assembly here.

Bingley: Sir William, I m very glad to see you. There's nothing that I love better than a country dance.

Elizabeth: Only two ladies, then, after all. Do you know who they are, Charlotte?

Charlotte Lucas: Mr Bingley's sisters, I understand. One of them is married to the gentleman there, a Mr Hurst.

Jane: The taller gentleman?

Charlotte: No, the other.

Elizabeth: Better and better!

Jane: Theyre very elegant.

Elizabeth: Better pleased with themselves than what they see, I think.

Mrs Bennet: Lizzy! Jane! Com e here. You see that gentleman there? Lady Lucas has just told me hes MBingley's oldest friend. His name is Darcy and he has a mighty fortune and a great estate inDerbyshire. Bingley's wealth is nothing to his. Ten thousand a year, at least. Don't you think


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he's the handsomest man you've ever seen, girls?

Elizabeth: I wonder if he would be quite so handsome if he was not quite so rich.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, Lizzy! Lord! They're coming over. Smile, girls! Smile!

Sir William: Mrs Bennet, Mr Bingley has expressed a wish to become acquainted with you and your daughters.

Mrs Bennet: Sir, that is very good of you. This is Jane, my eldest. And Elizabeth. And Mary sits over there. And Kitty and Lydia, my youngest, you see there dancing. Do you like to danceyourself?

Bingley: There is nothing I love better, madam. And if Miss Bennet is not otherwise engaged, may I be so bold as to claim the next two dances?

Jane: I am not engaged, sir.

Bingley: Good.

Mrs Bennet: You do us great honour, sir. Thank the gentleman, Jane.

Elizabeth: Mama!

Mrs Bennet: And you, sir? Are you fond of dancing, too?

Bingley: Oh, I beg your pardon. Mrs Bennet, may I present my friend, Mr Darcy.

Mrs Bennet: You are very welcome to Hertfordshire I am sure, sir. I hope you have come here eager todance, as your friend has.

Darcy: Thank you, madam, I rarely dance.

Mrs Bennett: Well, let this be one of the occasions, sir, for I wager you'll not easily find such lively music,or such pretty partners.

Bingley: Um, pray, excuse me, ma'am.

Mrs Bennet: Well! Did you ever meet such a proud, disagreeable man!

Elizabeth: Mama, he will hear you!


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Mrs Bennet: I don't care if he does. And his friend disposed to be so agreeable and everything charming.Who is he to think himself so far above his company?

Elizabeth: Well, the very rich can afford to give offence wherever they go. We need not care for hisgood opinion.

Mrs Bennet: No, indeed.

Elizabeth: Perhaps hes not so very handsome after all.

Mrs Bennet: No, indeed! Quite ill-favoured. Certainly nothing at all to Mr Bingley.

Servant (outside): Ill show them!

Mary: I wonder at Kitty and Lydia. Theyre so fond of dancing. I take little pleasure in a ball.

Elizabeth: Id take more pleasure i n this one if there were enough partners as agreeable as Jane's.

Mary: I believe the rewards of observation and reflection are much greater.

Elizabeth: And so they are, when there are none others to be had. We shall have to be philosophers,Mary.

Bingley: Come, Darcy, I must have you dance! I must! I hate to see you standing around in this stupidmanner! Come, youd much better dance!

Darcy: I certainly shall not. In an assembly such as this? It would be insupportable. Your sisters areengaged at present. You know perfectly well it would be a punishment for me to stand upwith any other woman in the room.

Bingley: Good God, Darcy, I wouldn't be as fastidious as you are for a kingdom! Upon my honour, Inever met so many pleasant girls in my life, several of them uncommonly pretty. Hey?

Darcy: You have been dancing with the only handsome girl in the room.

Bingley: Darcy, she is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld. Look! Look! There's one of her sisters. She's very pretty, too, and I dare say very agreeable.

Darcy: She is tolerable, I suppose, but shes not handsome enough to tempt me. Bingley, I'm in nohumour to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. Go back to your

partner. Enjoy her smiles. You're wasting your time with me.


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Mrs Bennet: And Jane was so admired! There was nothing like it!

Lydia: Oh, lord, I'm so fagged!

Kitty: And Lydia and I danced every dance.

Lydia: And Mary none!

Mrs Bennet: And Mr Bingley favoured Jane above every other girl. For he danced the first two with her,and then the next with Charlotte Lucas, which vexed me greatly, but lo, there in the very nextnothing would please him but to stand up with Jane again. And then you know he dancedwith Lizzy, and then, what do you think he did next?

Mr Bennet: Enough, enough madam, for God's sake! Let's hear no more of his partners! Would he had

sprained his ankle in the first dance!

Mrs Bennet: Oh, and his sisters! Oh, such charming women! So elegant and obliging! Oh, I wish you hadseen them. I dare say the lace on Mrs Hurst's gown alone . . . .

Mr Bennet: No lace, no lace, Mrs Bennet, I beg you.

Mrs Bennet: But the man he brought with him -- Mr Darcy, as he calls himself -- is not worth our concern, though he may be the richest man in Derbyshire. The proudest, the most horrid,disobliging he slighted poor Lizzy, you know, and flatly refused to stand up with her.

Mr Bennet: Slighted my Lizzy, did he? Mm hmm.

Elizabeth: I didn't care for him either, Father, so it's of little matter.

Mrs Bennet: Another time, Lizzy, I would not dance with him if he should ask you.

Elizabeth: I believe, ma'am, I may safely promise you never to dance with Mr Darcy.

Netherfield: The Drawing Room


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Miss Bingley: And so none of the Hertfordshire ladies could please you, Mr Darcy?

Mrs Hurst: Not even the famous Miss Bennets?

Bingley: Well, I never met with pleasanter people or prettier girls in my life.

Darcy: Bingley, you astonish me. I saw little beauty and no breeding at all. The . . . uh . . . eldest

Miss Bennet is, I grant you, very pretty.

Bingley: A fine concession. Come man, admit it. She's an angel!

Darcy: She smiles too much.

Miss Bingley: Oh, Jane Bennet is a sweet girl. The mother! I heard Eliza Bennet described as a famouslocal beauty. What do you say to that, Mr Darcy?

Darcy: I should as soon call her mother a wit.

Miss Bingley: Oh, Mr Darcy, that's too cruel!

Bingley: Darcy, I shall never understand why you go through the world determined to be displeasedwith everything and everyone in it.

Darcy: And I will never understand why you are in such a rage to approve of everything andeveryone that you meet.

Bingley: Well, you shall not make me think ill of Miss Bennet, Darcy.

Miss Bingley: Indeed he shall not! I shall dare his disapproval and declare she is a dear, sweet girl, despiteher unfortunate relations, and I should not be sorry to know her better.

Mrs Hurst: No, no, nor I. You see, Mr Darcy, we are not afraid of you.

Darcy: I would not have you so.

Mr Hurst: What? Aye, very true. Damned tedious waste of an evening. What?

The Park at Longbourn House


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Jane: He is just what a young man ought to be, Lizzy. Sensible, lively, and I never saw such happymanners!

Elizabeth: Handsome, too, which a young man ought to be if he possibly can. And he seems to like youvery much, which shows good judgement. No, I give you leave to like him. Youve likedmany a stupider person.

Jane: Dear Lizzy.

Elizabeth: He could be happier in his choice of sisters and friends, though the sisters, I suppose, hecannot help.

Jane: Do you not like them?

Elizabeth: Not at all. Their manners are quite different from his.

Jane: At first, perhaps, but after a while I found them very pleasing. Miss Bingley is to keep housefor her brother, and I m sure they will be very charming neighbours.

Elizabeth: One of them, maybe.

Jane: No, Lizzy, I am sure you are wrong. And even Mr Darcy, you know, may improve on closer acquaintance.

Elizabeth: Do you mean hell be in humour to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted byother men? Never! [Imitating Darcy] She is tolerable, I suppose, but not handsome enoughto tempt me.

Jane: It was very wrong of him to speak so.

Elizabeth: Aye, indeed it was! Capital offence! Oh, look, Charlotte is come. Charlotte!

Charlotte: Lizzy! My father is to give a party at Lucas Lodge and you are all invited.

Lucas Lodge

Sir William: I hope this will be the first of many occasions when Lucas Lodge will be graced with your presence. Here, you see, we are all easy, with no awkwardness or ceremony.


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Miss Bingley: Quite.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, yes, my dear, five thousand a year!

Lady Lucas: Oh!

Mrs Bennet: Don't they look well together?

Lady Lucas: A most agreeable young man!

Kitty: This is Captain Carter . . . .

Mrs Bennet: And he would dance every dance with Jane. Nothing else would do! Everybody said . . . .

Lady Lucas: And are you pleased with Hertfordshire, Colonel Forster?

Col. Forster: Very much so, Lady Lucas, and never more so than this evening. The regiment of infantrydoesn't find a ready welcome everywhere, I fear.

Mrs Bennet: I think your officers will be very well pleased with Meryton, sir.

Mrs Forster: Denny and Sanderson seem well pleased already!

Sir William: No doubt you attend assemblies at St. James' Court, Miss Bingley?

Miss Bingley: We go but rarely, sir.

Sir William: Indeed, I am surprised. I shall be happy to introduce you there, you know, at any time whenI'm in town.

Miss Bingley: Youre too kind, sir.

Sir William: Well! Well! Good. Good. Capital! Capital!

Miss Bingley: Insufferable conceit! To imagine that wed need his assistance in society.

Mrs Hurst: I am sure he is a very good sort of man, Caroline.

Miss Bingley: And I am sure he kept a very good sort of shop before his elevation to the knighthood. Poor Darcy, what agonies he must be suffering.


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Elizabeth: Are you in Meryton to subdue the discontented populace, sir, or do you defend Hertfordshireagainst the French?

Col. Forster: Neither, ma'am, I trust. We hope to winter very peacefully at Meryton. My soldiers are ingreat need of training and my officers in ever great need of society.

Elizabeth: T hen as soon as you are settled, I hope youll give a ball.

Mrs Forster: Oh, yes, my dear, do!

Col. Forster: You think a ball would be well received?

Lydia: A ball! Who's giving a ball? I long for a ball, and so does Denny.

Kitty: And Sanderson, don't you, Sanderson?

Sanderson: I d-do indeed. Most passionately.

Lydia: Aye, little Sanderson, I knew you would!

Kitty: Make him give a ball, Mrs Forster. Well dance with all the officers.

Lydia: If Mary would only play something, we could da nce with them now! Mary! Mary, lets haveno more of that dull stuff. Play something jolly. We want to dance!

Mary: But there are still two movements. Mama, tell them it isn't fair!

Mrs Bennet: Oh, play a jig, Mary. No one wants your concertos here.

Sir William: I fear their taste is not as fine as yours and mine, Mary, but let us oblige them this once, eh?For there is no one here who plays as well as you!

Mary: Very well, though you know it gives me little pleasure.

Lydia: Oh-h-h. Jane, Mr Bingley, come and dance with us!

Jane: Not now, Lydia.

Sir William: Capital! Capital!

Charlotte: I see that Mr Bingley continues his attentions to Jane, Lizzy.


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Elizabeth: I'm very happy for her, Charlotte.

Charlotte: She does seem very well pleased with him.

Elizabeth: I think if he continues so, she's in a fair way to be very much in love with him.

Charlotte: And Mr Bingley? Do you think he is in love?

Elizabeth: Well, it is clear that he likes her very much.

Charlotte: Then she should leave him in no doubt of her heart. She should show more affection eventhan she feels, not less, if she is to secure him.

Elizabeth: Secure him? Charlotte.

Charlotte: Yes! She should secure him as soon as may be.

Elizabeth: Before she is sure of his character? Before she s even certain of her own regard for him?

Charlotte: But, of course! Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance, you know. There willalways be vexation and grief. And it is better to know in advance as little as possible of thedefects of your marriage partner, is it not, now?

Elizabeth: Charlotte! You know it is not sound. You would never act like that yourself.

Charlotte: Well, it seems that Jane will not. So we must hope that Mr Bingley will. I think he gets littleencouragement from his sisters.

Elizabeth: Or his friend.

Charlotte: Mr Darcy looks at you a great deal, Lizzy.

Elizabeth: I cannot think why, unless he means to frighten me with his contempt. I wish he would notcome into society; he only makes people uneasy.

Sir William: What a charming amusement for young people this is, Mr Darcy. Nothing like dancing, youknow. One of the refinements of every polished society.

Darcy: And every unpolished society.

Sir William: Sir?


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Darcy: Every savage can dance.

Sir William: Oh, yes. Yes, quite.

Elizabeth: I think I should speak to my sister before she exposes us all to ridicule.

Sir William: Capital! Capital! Ah, Miss Eliza! Why are you not dancing? Mr Darcy, allow me to presentthis young lady to you as a very desirable partner. You cannot refuse to dance, I m sure,

when so much beauty is before you.

Elizabeth: [To Sir William] Indeed, sir, I ve not the least intention of dancing. Please don't supposethat I moved this way in order to beg for a partner.

Darcy: I would be very happy if you would do me the honour of dancing with me, Miss Bennet.

Elizabeth: Thank you, but excuse me, I . . . Im not inclined to dance.

Sir William: Oh, come, come, why not, when you see Mr Darcy has no objection, although he dislikes theamusement so much in general.

Elizabeth: Mr Darcy is all politeness.

Sir William: He is, he is! And why should he not be, considering the inducement? For who could objectto such a partner, eh, Darcy?

Elizabeth: I beg you would excuse me.

Sir William: Well, well . . . . Oh, capital, Lydia! Capital!

Miss Bingley: I believe I can guess your thoughts at this moment.

Darcy: I should imagine not.

Miss Bingley: You are thinking how insupportable it would be to spend many evenings in such tediouscompany.

Darcy: No, indeed, my mind was more agreeably engaged. I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.

Miss Bingley: And may one dare ask whose the eyes that inspired these reflections?

Darcy: Miss Elizabeth Bennet.


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Jane: Yes, in Gracechurch Street.

Miss Bingley: In which part of London is Gracechurch Street, Jane?

Jane: I . . . um . . . forgive me, I . . . .

Miss Bingley: Fossett, get help. Miss Bennet is unwell.

Longbourn House: The Dining Room

Mr Bennet: Well, my dear, if Jane should die of this fever, it will be a comfort to know that it was all in pursuit of Mr Bingley, and under your orders.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, nonsense! People do not die of little trifling colds. She will be very well taken care of.

Elizabeth: Mama, I think I must go to Netherfield.

Mrs Bennet: Go to Netherfield! No, there's no call for that! Jane is very well where she is. And you knowthere is nothing for you at Netherfield. You had much better go to Meryton with your sistersand meet the officers.

Lydia: Aye, Lizzy, for there are more than enough to go around.

Elizabeth: I know that Jane would wish me to be with her.

Mr Bennet: I suppose that is a hint for me to send for the carriage.

Elizabeth: Oh no, indeed, Father, for I had much rather walk. It is barely three miles to Netherfield andI'll be back for dinner.

Mrs Bennet: Walk three miles in all that dirt! You'll not be fit to be seen.

Elizabeth: Well, I shall be fit to see Jane, which is all I want. I'm quite determined, Mother.

Kitty: I know, Lizzy. Lydia and I will set you as far as Meryton.

Lydia: Aye, let's call on Denny early before he is dressed. What a shock he will get!


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Lydia & Kitty: Ummm!

Mr Bennet: Our life holds few distinctions, Mrs Bennet, but I think we may safely boast that here sit twoof the silliest girls in the country.

Meryton

Kitty: Bye, Lizzy.

Lydia: Look, Kitty, isn't that Captain Carter? Come on, make haste!

The Park at Netherfield

Darcy: Miss Bennet!

Elizabeth: Mr Darcy. I am come to enquire after my sister.

Darcy: On foot?

Elizabeth: As you see. Would you be so kind as to take me to her?

Netherfield: The Dining Room

Mrs Hurst: Well, we must allow her to be an excellent walker, I suppose. But her appearance thismorning. She really looked almost wild!

Miss Bingley: I could hardly keep my countenance. What does she mean by scampering about the country because her sister has a cold. Her hair, Louisa!

Mrs Hurst: Well, her petticoat! I hope you saw her petticoat, B rother. Six inches deep in mud, Imabsolutely certain!

Bingley: I must confess it quite escaped my notice. I thought she looked remarkably well.


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Miss Bingley: You observed it, Im sure, Mr Darcy.

Darcy: I did.

Miss Bingley: I'm inclined to think you wouldn't wish your sister to make such an exhibition.

Darcy: Certainly not.

Miss Bingley: It seems to me to show an abominable sort of conceited independence, hmm?

Mrs Hurst: Mm-hmm.

Bingley: It shows an affection for her sister that is very pleasing.

Miss Bingley: Im afraid, Mr Darcy, that this escapade may have affected your admiration for her fine eyes?

Darcy: Not at all, they were brightened by the exercise.

Mrs Hurst: But Jane Bennet is a sweet girl. It's very sad she should have such an unfortunate family,such low connections.

Miss Bingley: Their uncle, she told us, is in trade, and lives in Cheapside.

Mrs Hurst: Well, perhaps we should call, when we are next in town.

Bingley: They would be just as agreeable to me had they uncles enough to fill all Cheapside.

Darcy: With such connections they can have very little chance of marrying well, Bingley. That is thematerial point.

[Elizabeth enters]

Bingley: Miss Bennet, how does your sister do? Is she any better?

Elizabeth: I'm afraid that she is quite unwell, Mr Bingley.

Bingley: Let me send for Mr Jones. And you must stay until your sister is recovered.

Elizabeth: Oh, I would not wish to inconvenience you.

Bingley: I wouldn't hear of anything else. I'll send to Longbourn for your clothes directly.


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Elizabeth: You are very kind, sir.

Mr Hurst: Will there be any sport today, or not?

Netherfield: Janes Bedroom

Elizabeth: There. Shall I disgrace you, do you think?

Jane: You look very pretty, Lizzy, as you are well aware.

Elizabeth: Oh, Jane, I had much rather stay here with you. The superior sisters wish me miles away.Only your Mr Bingley is civil and attentive.

Jane: He's not my Mr Bingley, Lizzy.

Elizabeth: Oh, I think he is. Or he very soon will be.

Netherfield: A Hall

Fossett: I believe you will find Mr Bingley is in the drawing room, ma'am.

Elizabeth: Thank you.


Miss Bingley: Oh, Mr Darcy, come and advise me, for Mr Hurst carries all before him!

Mr Hurst: Hah!

Bingley, MissBingley &Mrs Hurst: Ooh! Oh-h-h!


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Darcy: May I enquire after your sister, Miss Bennet?

Elizabeth: I thank you, I believe shes a little better.

Darcy: I am very glad to hear it.

Miss Bingley: Oh, Mr Hurst, Im quite undone.

Mr Hurst: You should have played the deuce.

Miss Bingley: Hes undone us all, Mr Darcy.

Mrs Hurst: Will you join us, Miss Bennet?

Elizabeth: I thank you, no.

Mr Hurst: You prefer reading to cards do you? Singular!

Miss Bingley: Miss Bennet despises cards. She's a great reader and has no pleasure in anything else.

Elizabeth: I deserve neither such praise nor such censure. I am not a great reader and take pleasure inmany things.

Miss Bingley: And what do you do so secretly, sir?

Darcy: Tis no secret. I'm writing to my sister.

Miss Bingley: Oh, dear Georgiana! Oh, how I long to see her! Is she much grown since the Spring? Is sheas tall as me?

Darcy: She's now about Miss Elizabeth Bennet's height, or a little taller.

Miss Bingley: And so accomplished. Her performance at the pianoforte is exquisite. Do you play, MissBennet?

Elizabeth: Aye, but very ill indeed.

Bingley: For all young ladies are accomplished! They sing, they draw, they dance, speak French andGerman, cover screens, and I know not what.

Darcy: There are not half a dozen who would satisfy my notion of an accomplished woman.


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Miss Bingley: Oh, certainly. No woman can be really esteemed accomplished who does not also possess acertain something in her air, in the manner of walking, in the tone of her voice, her addressand expressions.

Darcy: And to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.

Elizabeth: I'm no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women, Mr Darcy. I rather wonder at your knowing any.

Mrs Hurst: You are very severe upon your sex, Miss Bennet.

Elizabeth: I must speak as I find.

Miss Bingley: Perhaps you have not had the advantage, Miss Bennet, of moving in society enough. Thereare many very accomplished young ladies amongst our acquaintance.

Mr Hurst: Come, come! This is a fine way to play at cards! You're all light!

Mrs Hurst &Miss Bingley: Oh!

Netherfield: Outside the Entrance

Mrs Bennet: Look, girls, is it not a fair prospect?


Miss Bingley: And now the mother! Are we to be invaded by every Bennet in the country? It's too much to be borne!

Mr Hurst: Oh, lord!

Bingley: Mrs Bennet, you are very welcome. I hope you do not find Miss Bennet worse than youexpected.


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Mrs Bennet: Indeed I do, sir. She is very ill indeed and suffers a vast deal, though with the greatest patience in the world, for she has the sweetest temper, Mr Bingley. But she is a great deal tooill to be moved. We must trespass a little longer on your kindness.

Bingley: But, of course.

Miss Bingley: Miss Bennet will re ceive every possible attention, maam, I assure you.

Mrs Bennet: You are very good. Well, you have a sweet room here. I think you will never want to leave Netherfield now you are come here.

Bingley: I believe I should be happy to live in the country forever. Wouldn't you, Darcy?

Darcy: You would? You don't find the society somewhat confined and unvarying to your taste.

Mrs Bennet: Confined and unvarying? Indeed, it is not, sir. The country is a vast deal pleasanter thantown, whatever you may say about it.

Elizabeth: Mama, you mistake Mr Darcy's meaning.

Mrs Bennet: Do I? Do I? He seems to think the country nothing at all!

Elizabeth: Mama.

Mrs Bennet: Confined, unvarying. I would have him know we dine with four and twenty families.

Elizabeth: Mama? Have you seen Charlotte Lucas since I came away?

Mrs Bennet: Yes, she called yesterday with Sir William. What an agreeable man he is. That is my idea of a good breeding. And those persons who fancy themselves very important and never opentheir mouths, quite mistake the matter.

Lydia: Mr Bingley, did you not promise to give a ball at Netherfield as soon as you were settledhere? It will be a great scandal if you don't keep your word.

Bingley: I am perfectly ready to keep my engagement. And when your sister is recovered you shallname the day of the ball, if you please.

Lydia: Oh!

Mrs Bennet: Oh, there, now, Lydia, that's a fair promise for you. That's generosity for you. That's what I


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call gentlemanly behaviour.

Netherfield: The Drawing Room (that evening)

Miss Bingley: Miss Eliza Bennet, let me persuade you to follow my example and take a turn about the

room. It's so refreshing! Will you not join us, Mr Darcy?

Darcy: That would defeat the object.

Miss Bingley: Well, what do you mean, sir? What on earth can he mean?

Elizabeth: I think we would do better not to enquire.

Miss Bingley: Nay, we insist on knowing your meaning, sir!

Darcy: Why, that your figures appear to best advantage when walking and that I might best admire

them from my present position.

Miss Bingley: Oh, shocking, abominable reply! How shall we punish him, Miss Eliza?

Elizabeth: Nothing so easy. Tease him. Laugh at him.

Miss Bingley: Laugh at Mr Darcy? Impossible! He is a man without fault.

Elizabeth: Is he indeed? A man without fault.

Darcy: That is not possible for anyone. But it has been my study to avoid those weaknesses whichexpose a strong understanding to ridicule.

Elizabeth: Such as, ah, vanity, perhaps, and pride.

Darcy: Yes, vanitys a weakness indeed. But pride . . . where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will always be under good regulation. I have faults enough, Miss Bennet, but I hopethey're not of understanding. My temper I cannot vouch for. It . . . it might be calledresentful. My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.

Elizabeth: That is a failing indeed, but I cannot laugh at it.

Darcy: I believe every disposition has a tendency to some particular evil.


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Elizabeth: Your defect is a propensity to hate everyone.

Darcy: And yours is wilfully to misunderstand them.

Miss Bingley: Shall we have some music, hmm?

Netherfield: Outside the Entrance

Bingley: Give your parents my warmest salutations. And tell your father hes most welcome to comeand shoot with us at any time convenient.

Jane: Thank you, sir, you are very kind.

Bingley: Goodbye.

Jane: Goodbye.

Bingley: Drive on, Rochester.

Netherfield: The Dining Room

Miss Bingley: Oh, how pleasant it is to have one's house to oneself again! But I fear Mr Darcy is mourningthe loss of Miss Eliza Bennet's pert opinions and fine eyes.

Darcy: Quite the contrary, I assure you.

En Route to Longbourn

Elizabeth: Oh, Jane, I'm sorry to say it but, notwithstanding your excellent Mr Bingley, I've never beenso happy to leave a place in my life.


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Longbourn House: The Dining Room plus Hunsford Church and Parsonage

Mr Bennet: I hope, my dear, you have ordered a good dinner today, because I have reason to expect anaddition to our family party.

Mrs Bennet: Mr Bingley! Why, Jane, you sly thing, you never dropped a word! Oh, and not a bit of fish to be got, oh lord. Lydia, my love, ring the bell. I must speak to Hill directly.

Mr Bennet: It is not Mr Bingley. It is a person I never saw in the whole course of my life.

Lydia: Colonel Forster!

Kitty: Captain Carter!

Lydia: No, I know, Denny.

Mr Bennet: About a month ago, I received this letter, and about a fortnight ago I answered it, for Ithought it was a case of some delicacy requiring early attention. It is from my cousin, Mr Collins, who, when I am dead, may turn you all out of this house as soon as he pleases.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, my dear, pray don't mention that odious man! I think it the hardest thing in the world thatyour estate should be entailed away from your own poor children.

Mr Bennet: Indeed, my dear, nothing can clear Mr Collins of the iniquitous crime of inheritingLongbourn, but if you'll listen to his letter, you may be a little softened by his manner of


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expressing himself. My dear sir, the disagreement subsisting between yourself and my latehonoured father always gave me much uneasiness, and since I have had the misfortune tolose him . . .

[Lydia snorts with laughter]

Mr Bennet: . . . to lose him, I have frequently wished to heal the breach. There, Mrs Bennet. Mymind, however, is now made up on the subject . . .

Mr Collins (v/o): [Flashback] . . . for, having received my ordination at Easter, I have been so fortunate as to be distinguished by the patronage of the Right Honourable Lady Catherine de Bourgh, whose bounty and beneficence has preferred me to the valuable rectory at Hunsford, where it is myearnest endeavour to demean myself with grateful respect towards her ladyship. As aclergyman, moreover, I feel it my duty to promote and establish the blessing of peace in allfamilies within the reach of my influence, and on these grounds I flatter myself that my

present overtures of goodwill are highly commendable, and will not lead you to reject theoffered olive branch. I am, sir, keenly conscious of being the means of injuring your amiabledaughters, and assure you of my readiness to make them every possible amends. I proposemyself the satisfaction of waiting on you and your family on Monday, the 18th . . .

Mr Collins: Have a care, Dawkins.

Mr Collins (v/o): . . . and shall probably trespass on your hospitality till the Saturday sevennight following. Ishall travel as far as the turnpike in my own modest equipage, where I hope to catch theBromley post at thirty-five minutes past ten, and thence to Watford, from whence I shallengage a hired carriage to transport me to Longbourn, where, God willing, you may expectme by four in the afternoon.

Longbourn House: Outside the Entrance

Mr Bennet: And there he comes.

Elizabeth: But he must be an oddity, don't you think?

Mrs Bennet: Well, if he's disposed to make our girls any amends, I shan't be the person to discourage him.

Elizabeth: Can he be a sensible man, sir?

Mr Bennet: Oh, I think not, my dear. Indeed, I have great hopes of finding him quite the reverse. Mr


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Collins! You are very welcome!

Mr Collins: My dear Mr and Mrs Bennet.

Longbourn House: The Dining Room

Mr Bennet: You seem, ah, very, ah, uh, fortunate in your patroness, sir.

Mr Collins: Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Indeed I am, sir. I have been treated with such affability, suchcondescension, as I would never have dared to hope for. I have been invited twice to dine atRosings Park.

Mr Bennet: That so. Amazing. Hmm.

Mrs Bennet: Does she live near you, sir?

Mr Collins: The garden in which stands my humble abode is separated only by a lane from Rosings Park.

Mr Bennet: Only a lane, eh? Well, fancy that, Lizzy.

Mrs Bennet: I think you said she was a widow, sir? Has she any family?

Mr Collins: She has one daughter, ma'am, the heiress of Rosings, and of very extensive property.

Mrs Bennet: And has she been presented at court?

Mr Collins: She is unfortunately of a sickly constitution which unhappily prevents her being in town.And by that means, as I told Lady Catherine myself one day, she has deprived the BritishCourt of its brightest ornament. You may imagine, sir, how happy I am on every occasion tooffer those little delicate compliments which are always acceptable to ladies.

Lydia: Uh-h-h!

Mr Bennet: That is fortunate for you, Mr Collins, that you possess such an extraordinary talent for flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from theimpulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study.

Mr Collins: They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, sir. I do sometimes amuse myself bywriting down and arranging such little compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions.


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But I try to give them as unstudied an air as possible.

Mr Bennet: Excellent. Excellent.


Mr Collins: I must confess myself quite overwhelmed with the charms of your daughters, Mrs Bennet.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, you are very kind, sir. They are sweet girls, though I say it myself.

Mr Collins: Perhaps . . . especially the eldest Miss Bennet?

Mrs Bennet: Ah, yes, Jane is admired wherever she goes. But I think I should tell you, Mr Collins, I think it very likely she will be very soon engaged.

Mr Collins: Ah.

Mrs Bennet: As for my younger daughters, now if any of them . . . in their case I know of no prior attachment at all.

Mr Collins: Ah.

Lydia: We're all going to Meryton, Mama, to see if Denny is returned from town.

Mrs Bennet: Perhaps you would care for a little exercise, Mr Collins.

Mr Collins: Indeed I would, Mrs Bennet.

Lydia: Oh-h-h!

Mr Collins: Cousin Elizabeth! Would you do me the great honour of walking with me into town?

Meryton

Mr Collins: You visit your Aunt Phillips in Meryton frequently, I understand, Cousin.


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Elizabeth: Yes, she is very fond of company. But Im afraid you'll find her gatherings poor affairs after the splendours of Rosings Park.

Mr Collins: No, I think not. I believe I possess the happy knack, much to be desired in a clergyman, of adapting myself to every kind of society, whether high or low.

Elizabeth: That is fortunate indeed.

Mr Collins: Yes, indeed, and though it is a gift of nature, constant study has enabled me, I flatter myself,to make a kind of art of it.

Kitty: There! I'm sure that is new in since Friday. Isn't it nice? Do you think I'd look well in it?

Lydia: Not as well as me. Come on.

Kitty: No, I shan't. Jane! Come here. Look at this! Jane, I'm determined to have this bonnet.

Lydia: Look, there's Denny!

Kitty: Where?

Lydia: There. Look!

Kitty: Who's that with him?

Lydia: Don't know.

Kitty: He's fearful handsome.

Lydia: He might be if he were in regimentals. I think a man looks nothing without regimentals.

Kitty: They're looking over. Lizzy, is he not mightily good-looking?

Lydia: Denny!

Jane: Lydia!

Lydia: What a fine joke. We thought you were still in town.

Denny: There was nothing amusing enough to hold us there. Allow me to introduce my good friend,George Wickham. Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth Bennet, Miss Mary Bennet, Miss CatherineBennet and, ah, Miss Lydia Bennet.


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Jane: This is our cousin, Mr Collins.

Elizabeth: Do you stay long in Meryton, Mr Wickham?

Wickham: Ah, all winter, I'm happy to say. I've taken a commission in Colonel Forster's regiment.

Kitty: There, Lydia! He will be dressed in regimentals.

Denny: And lend them much distinction, I dare say. Out-swagger us all, eh, Wickham?

Wickham: Denny, you misrepresent me to these young ladies.

Lydia: Shall you come with us to our Aunt Phillips this evening, Mr Wickham?

Kitty: Oh, yes, Denny is coming, you know!

Lydia: It's only supper and cards, but we shall have some laughs.

Wickham: Im afraid Ive not been invited by Mr and Mrs Phillips.

Lydia: Oh, no one cares about that sort of thing nowadays.

Wickham: But if Mrs Phillips extended the invitation to include me, I should be delighted.

Kitty: Look, Jane! It's Mr Bingley.

Bingley: How very fortunate! Do you know we were just on our way to Longbourn to ask after your health.

Jane: You are very kind, sir. I am quite recovered, as you see.

Bingley: Yes. I'm very glad to know it.

Jane: I hope [Indistinct] to have tea with us, Mr Bingley.

Bingley: I shall be very happy to, Miss Bennet.

Home of Mrs Phillips


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Mr Collins: So gratifying . . .

Lydia: Oh look, there's Denny!

Mr Collins: . . . that my stay at Longbourn . . .

Kitty: And Chamberlayne!

Mr Collins: . . . has afforded me such a variety of social intercourse. What a charming apartment youhave here, Mrs Phillips. Upon my word, it reminds me greatly of a small summer breakfastroom at Rosings.

Mrs Phillips: Does it indeed, sir? I'm much obliged to you, I'm sure.

Jane: I'm sure that Mr Collins wishes to pay a compliment, Aunt.

Mrs Phillips: Does he? I see.

Jane: Rosings Park, we must understand, is very grand indeed.

Mr Collins: Oh, indeed it is! Oh, my dear madam, if you thought that I intended any slight on your excellent and very comfortable arrangements, I am mortified! Rosings Park is the residenceof my noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Mrs Phillips: Oh, now I understand.

Mr Collins: The chimney piece in the second drawing room alone cost eight hundred pounds.

Mrs Phillips: Now I see; its clear; there's no offence at all. Will you oblige me and sit down to a game of whist?

Mr Collins: I must confess I know little of the game, madam, but I shall be glad to improve myself, if myfair cousin will consent to release me?

Elizabeth: With all my heart, sir.

Mrs Phillips: Oh, Mr Collins!

Mr Collins: What were trumps again?

Mrs Phillips: Hearts, Mr Collins! Hearts.


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Wickham: I must confess . . . I thought I should never escape your younger sisters.

Elizabeth: They can be very determined, Lydia especially.

Wickham: But they're pleasant girls. Indeed, I find that society in Hertfordshire quite exceeds myexpectations. I don't see Mr Bingley and his friends here this evening.

Elizabeth: I think some of Mr Bingley's friends would consider it beneath their dignity.

Wickham: Really? Um, have you known Mr Darcy long?

Elizabeth: About a month.

Wickham: Ive known him all my life. We played together as children.

Elizabeth: But . . . .

Wickham: Yes, you're surprised. Perhaps you might have noticed the cold manner of our greeting.

Elizabeth: I confess I did.

Wickham: Do you . . . are you much acquainted with Mr Darcy?

Elizabeth: As much as I ever wish to be. I've spent three days in the same house with him and I find himvery disagreeable.

Wickham: I fear there are few who would share that opinion . . . except myself.

Elizabeth: But he's not at all liked in Hertfordshire. Everybody is disgusted with his pride.

Wickham: Do you know . . . does he intend to stay long at Netherfield?

Elizabeth: I do not know. But I, I hope his being in the neighbourhood will not affect your plans to stay.

Wickham: Thank you. But it is not to me to be driven away by Mr Darcy. If he wishes to avoid seeingme, he must go. Oh, we're not on friendly terms, but I have no reason to avoid him but one:he's done me great wrong. His father, Miss Bennet, the late Mr Darcy, was my godfather andone of the best men that ever breathed. My father was his steward, and when he died old Mr Darcy cared for me, provided for me, loved me, I believe, as though I were his own son. Heintended me for the church. It was my dearest wish to enter into that profession. But after hedied, and the living he'd promised me fell vacant, the son refused point blank to honour his


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father's promises. And so, you see, I have to make my own way in the world.

Elizabeth: This is quite shocking! I had not thought Mr Darcy as bad as this. To descend to suchmalicious revenge. He deserves to be publicly disgraced!

Wickham: Some day he will be, but not by me. Till I can forget his father, I can never defy or exposehim.

Elizabeth: I wonder at the pride of this man. How abominable! You are more temperate than I should bein your situation.

Wickham: Well, I have not the resentful temper that some men have. And my situation, you know, isnot so bad. At present I have every cause for cheer! I can't bear to be idle, and my new

profession gives me active employment. My fellow officers are excellent men. And now Ifind myself in a society as agreeable as any I've ever known. You see, I absolutely forbid youto feel sorry for me.

Lydia: Lizzy? Lizzy, why should you feel sorry for Mr Wickham?

Wickham: Why? Because . . . because I have not had a dance these three months together!

Lydia: Oh, Mr Wickham! Well, you shall have one now. Mary! Mary, the Barley Mow!

Mrs Phillips: Oh, Mr Collins!

Longbourn House: Janes Bedroom

Jane: I cannot believe it, Lizzy! Mr Darcy would have far too high a respect for his father's wishesto behave in such an unchristian way. And Lizzy, consider. How could his most intimatefriends be so deceived in him?

Elizabeth: I could more easily imagine Mr Bingley being imposed upon, than to think that Mr Wickhamcould invent such a history!

Jane: I believe you like Mr Wickham, Lizzy.

Elizabeth: I confess I do like him. I do not see how anyone could not like him. There is something veryopen and artless in his manner. He feels deeply, I believe, and yet has a natural merrimentand energy despite all this. Yes, Jane, I confess I like him very much.


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Jane: But after so short an acquaintance, do you think we should believe in him so implicitly?

Elizabeth: How could he be doubted? He gave me all the circumstances, Jane, names, facts, andeverything without ceremony. If it isnt so let Mr Darcy contradict it. Besides, there was truthin all his looks.

Jane: It is difficult, indeed. It is distressing. One doesnt kno w what to think.

Elizabeth: I beg your pardon, one knows exactly what to think.

Longbourn House: The Library and Drawing Room

Mrs Bennet (o.s.): Oh, girls, girls! We have all been invited to a ball at Netherfield!

Lydia: Oh, good, I love a ball!

Kitty: And so do I!

Mrs Bennet: Oh, this will be a compliment to you, Jane, you know. Eh, the invitation includes you, Mr Collins.

Elizabeth: But shall you accept, sir? Would it be entirely proper? Would your bishop approve?

Mr Collins: Your scruples do you credit, my dear cousin. But I am of the opinion that a ball of this kind,given by a man of good character to respectable people, can have no evil tendency. And I amso far from objecting to dancing myself, that I shall hope to be honoured with the hands of all my fair cousins during the course of the evening. And I take this opportunity of solicitingyours, Miss Elizabeth, for the first two dances. Da da da da da da da da da da . . . .


Mr Collins: And I dare say you'll be able to imagine the scope of the whole, Mr Wickham, when I tellyou that the chimney piece alone, in the second drawing room, cost all of eight hundred

pounds.


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Wickham: Eight hundred pounds, sir! I hazard a guess it must be a very large one.

Mr Collins: It is very large, indeed, sir.

Wickham: Her ladyship is fond of a good blaze, then.

Mr Collins: Oh . . . .

Jane: Mr Collins! How fortunate! I must claim you for my sister, Mary. She's found a passage inFordyce's Sermons that she cannot make out at all.

Mr Collins: Well, I, I . . . .

Jane: I believe it is of great doctrinal import, sir.

Mr Collins: Well, in that case . . . .

Jane: You're very kind, sir. She's in the drawing room.

Wickham: Mr Collins' conversation is very, um . . . wholesome.

Elizabeth: And there is plenty to be had of it, I assure you. Have you made Mr Bingley's acquaintanceyet?

Wickham: No, but I'm already disposed to approve of him. Hes issued a general invitation to theofficers for his ball at Netherfield, which has caused great joy in more than one quarter. Hemust be a very amiable gentleman.

Elizabeth: Oh, yes. He is eager to approve of everyone he meets, but he's a sensible man, with taste and judgment. I wonder very much how Mr Darcy could impose upon him; he cannot know whatMr Darcy is.

Wickham: Probably not. Mr Darcy can please what he chooses if he thinks its worth his while. Amonghis equals in wealth and consequence he can be liberal-minded, honourable, even agreeable.

Elizabeth: I wonder you can speak of him so tolerantly.

Wickham: Hes not wholly bad.

Elizabeth: Tell me, what sort of girl is Miss Darcy?

Wickham: I wish I could call her amiable. As a child she was affectionate and pleasing and extremely


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fond of me. And I devoted hours and hours to her amusement. But she is grown too muchlike her brother, very . . . very proud. I never see her now. Since her father's death her homehas been in London. She is but sixteen years old, your sister, Lydia's, age.

Elizabeth: Lydia is fifteen.

Wickham: I was amused by your cousin's reference to Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She is Mr Darcy'saunt, you know, and her daughter, Anne, who will inherit a very large fortune, is destined to

be Mr Darcy's bride.

Elizabeth: Really? Poor Miss Bingley.

Longbourn House: Upstairs

Mrs Bennet: Ah, you look very well, Lizzy! You'll never be as pretty as your sister, Jane, but I will sayyou look very well indeed!

[Kitty and Lydia are conversing, indistinctly, in the background]

Elizabeth: Thank you, Mama.

Mrs Bennet: And I hope you will pay Mr Collins every courtesy tonight, because he has been veryattentive to you!

Kitty (o.s.): I think your gown is very unbecoming, too!

Lydia: Then I shall ask Lizzy; she will bear me out.

Mrs Bennet: Lydia, child, what are you doing? Go back in your room and dress yourself!

Lydia: I have to ask Lizzy something!

Mrs Bennet: Oh-h.

Lydia: Lizzy, Lizzy, look. What do you think? Kitty says not, but I think it becomes me very well.

Elizabeth: I wonder that you ask me then.

Lydia: You look very nice.


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Lydia: Lizzy, I hope youll not keep Wickham to yourself all night. Kitty and I want to dance withhim as well, you know.

Elizabeth: I promise I shall not. Even if I wished to, I could not. I have to dance at least the first twowith Mr Collins.

Lydia: Lord, yes. He's threatened to dance with us all.

Netherfield: The Ball

Mr Collins: Allow me, Cousin Elizabeth, Cousin Jane.

Mrs Hurst: Miss Bennet.

Miss Bingley: My dear Jane, how delightful to see you, . . .

Mrs Hurst: How pleasant.

Miss Bingley: . . . and so well recovered! Louisa and I have been quite desolate without you, haven't we?Mr Hurst?

Mr Hurst: What?

Mrs Hurst: Mrs Bennet, Mr Bennet.

Miss Bingley: Oh, Mrs Bennet. Mr Bennet. Quite delighted. Ah, and all your daughters.

Lydia: Oh, there's Denny!

Kitty: And Chamberlayne!

Mr Bennet: And, uh, my cousin, Mr, uh, Collins.

Mr Collins: May I congratulate you on your very elegant arrangements, ma'am? It puts me to mindgreatly of . . . perhaps you have visited Rosings Park?


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Bingley: Miss Bennet.

Denny: Miss Bennet, you look quite remarkably well this evening.


Denny: I'm instructed to convey to you, Miss Bennet, my friend Wickham's most particular regretsthat hes been prevented from attending the ball. He's been obliged to go to town on a matter

of urgent business, although I dont think the matter would have been so urgent if he did notwish to avoid a certain gentleman.

Lydia: Denny, I hope you've come prepared to dance with us tonight.

Chamberlayne: Forgive the intrusion, maam. I would dance with both your sisters at once if I could, but asit is . . . .

Lydia: Never mind that. Come on, Denny.

Elizabeth: Charlotte. I have so much to acquaint you with!

Mr Collins: Ahem.

Elizabeth: Charlotte, may I present our cousin, Mr Collins. My friend, Miss Lucas.

Charlotte: How do you do, sir.

Mr Collins: Miss Lucas. I am indeed honoured to meet any frie nd of my fair cousins. So many agreeableyoung ladies. I'm quite enraptured!

Elizabeth: Other way, Mr Collins!

Mr Collins: Uh, madam, a thousand apologies!

Elizabeth: Come, Mr Collins.

Mr Collins: My dear cousin, I apologize.

Charlotte: It's extraordinary! And are you sure it's true?

Elizabeth: Charlotte, how could it be otherwise. Every circumstance confirms it. And Mr Darcy has boasted to me himself of his resentful, implacable . . . .


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Charlotte: Lizzy!

Elizabeth: What?

Darcy: If you're not otherwise engaged, would you do me the honour of dancing the next with me,Miss Bennet?

Elizabeth: Why I . . . had not . . . I thank you, yes. Why could I not think of an excuse? Hateful man! I

promised myself I would never dance with him.

Charlotte: He pays you a great compliment in singling you out, Lizzy. Think what youre doing. You'd be a simpleton indeed if you let your fancy for Wickham lead you to slight a man of tentimes his consequence.

Elizabeth: I believe we must have some conversation, Mr Darcy. A very little will suffice. You shouldsay something about the dance, perhaps. I might remark on the number of couples.

Darcy: Do you talk by rule, then, when you're dancing?

Elizabeth: Yes, sometimes it is best. Then we may enjoy the advantage of saying as little as possible.

Darcy: Do you consult your own feelings in this case, or seek to gratify mine?

Elizabeth: Both, I imagine. We each have an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak unlesswe expect to say something that will amaze the whole room.

Darcy: Tis no very striking resemblance of your own character, I'm sure. Uh, do you often walk intoMeryton?

Elizabeth: Yes, quite often. When you met us the other day, wed just been forming a newacquaintance.

Darcy: Mr Wickham has the happy manners that enable him to make friends. Whether he is equallycapable of keeping them is less certain.

Elizabeth: He has been unlucky as to lose your friendship in a way hes likely to suffer for all his life.

Sir William: Allow me to congratulate you, sir! Such superior dancing is rarely to be seen. I'm sure youllown your fair partner is well worthy of you. I hope to have this pleasure often repeated,especially when a certain desirable event takes place, eh Miss Lizzy? What congratulationswill then flow in!


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Elizabeth: Sir, I . . . .

Sir William: Nay, nay, I understand. I'll not detain you one moment longer from your bewitching partner,sir. A pleasure, sir. Capital! Capital!

Elizabeth: I remember hearing you once say that you hardly ever forgave, that your resentment oncecreated was implacable. You are very careful, are you not, in allowing your resentment to becreated?

Darcy: I am.

Elizabeth: And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?

Darcy: I hope not. May I ask to what these questions tend?

Elizabeth: Merely to the illustration of your character; I am trying to make it out.

Darcy: And what is your success?

Elizabeth: I cannot get on at all. I hear such different accounts of you as to puzzle me exceedingly.

Darcy: I wish, Miss Bennet, that you would not attempt to sketch my character at the presentmoment. I fear the performance would reflect no credit on either of us.

Elizabeth: Bit if I don't take your likeness now, I may never have another opportunity.

Darcy: I would by no means suspend any pleasure of yours.

Miss Bingley: So, Miss Eliza, I hear youre quite delighted with George Wickham. No doubt he forgot totell you, among his other communications, that hes mer ely the son of old Wickham, the lateMr Darcy's steward. But, Eliza, as a friend, let me recommend you not to give credit to allhis assertions. Wickham treated Darcy in an infamous manner.

Elizabeth: Has he? How?

Miss Bingley: Don't remember the particulars, but I do know that Mr Darcy was not in the least to blame. I pity you, Eliza, for the discovery of your favourite's guilt; but, really, considering his descent,one could not expect much better.

Elizabeth: His guilt and his descent a ppear by your account to be the same. Ive heard you accuse himof being nothing worse than the son of Mr Darcy's steward, and he informed me of thathimself.


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Miss Bingley: I beg your pardon. Excuse my interference. It was kindly meant.

Elizabeth: Insolent girl!

Jane: Lizzy!

Elizabeth: I see nothing in her paltry attack but her own wilful ignorance and the malice of Mr Darcy!

Jane: Yes, but Lizzy, Mr Bingley did say that, though he does not know the whole of the history,he fears that Mr Wickham is by no means a respectable young man.

Elizabeth: Does he know Mr Wickham himself?

Jane: No, not at all.

Elizabeth: Well, then he has had his account from Mr Darcy. Ive not the least doubt of Mr Bingley'ssincerity. Of course he would believe his friend and it does him credit. But as to the other two gentlemen I shall venture to think of them both as I did before.

Bingley: Shall we not have some music? I have a great desire for a song! Caroline, can we persuadeyou? Oh, Miss Mary Bennet. I see yo uve anticipated me.

Mary: [Singing] Slumber, dear maidGreen boughs will cover thee,Cometh breathe over theeWhere thou art laid.Slumber, dear maid . . . .

[Marys song continues in th e background.]

Jane: Lizzy, look! But they werent introduced! Can we not prevent him?

Elizabeth: Too late.

Mr Collins: Mr Darcy, I have made a remarkable . . . I must say, an amazing discovery! I understand thatyou are the nephew of Lady Catherine de Bourgh of Rosings Park. Well, Mr Darcy, I am inthe happy position of being able to inform you that her ladyship was in the best of health . . .eight days ago.

Darcy: I'm glad to hear it. And what is your name, sir?


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Mr Collins: My name is William Collins, Mr Darcy. And I have the very great honour to . . . . Well.

Mary: [Singing] Oh, gentle maid,Green Boughs will cover thee,

Darcy: These Bennets.

Mary: [Singing] Cometh breathe over thee,

Where thou art laid.Where thou art laid.

[Beginning a new song]My mother bids me bind my hair With bands of rosy hue; . . . .

Mr Bennet: That will do extremely well, child. You've delighted us long enough. Let the other youngladies have time to exhibit.

Mr Collins: If I were so fortunate as to be able to sing, I should have great pleasure, I am sure, in obliging

the company with an air, indeed I should. For I consider music as a very innocent diversionand perfectly compatible with the profession of a clergyman.

Mrs Bennet: Mr Collins is such a sensible, respectable young man. And he's taken quite a fancy to Lizzy,and I don't think he could find a better wife. He favoured Jane at first, but Bingley was there

before him. Now there will be a great marriage. And, of course, that will throw the girls intothe path of other rich men.

Captain Carter: Lydia! . . . Lydia! . . . Lydia!

Lydia: Lord, Denny, fetch me a glass of wine. I can scarce draw breath, I'm so fagged!

Longbourn House: The Dining Room and Hall

Kitty: And Chamberlayne and then Denny again! And Lydia only danced with him twice. I thoughtMary sang very ill.

Elizabeth: Oh, yes, poor Mary. But she is determined to do it.

Kitty: More fool her, I say. Mr Collins trod on my frock and tore it, you know.


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Mrs Bennet: Lizzy, my dear! Oh, Mr Collins, I'm sure there can be no objection!

Elizabeth: Kitty, don't leave me.

Mrs Bennet: Lizzy, dear!

Kitty (o.s.): Lizzy, whats the matter? It's only Mr Collins.

Mrs Bennet: Come, Kitty, I want you upstairs. Mr Collins has something to say to Lizzy.

Elizabeth: Dear Mama, don't go. Mr Collins must excuse me. He can have nothing to say that anyonecould not hear.

Mrs Bennet: Lizzy, I insist that you stay where you are and hear Mr Collins! Come, Kitty. Come along.

Mr Collins: Believe me, my dear Miss Elizabeth, that your modesty adds to your other perfections. Butyou can hardly doubt the object of my discourse, however your feminine delicacy may leadyou to dissemble. For, as . . . almost as soon as I entered the house, I singled you out as the

companion of my future life. But before I am run away by my feelings on this subject, perhaps it would be advisable for me to state my reasons for marrying.

Elizabeth: Mr Collins . . . .

Mr Collins: My reasons for marrying are, first, that I think it a right thing for every clergyman to set theexample of matrimony in his parish. Secondly, that I am convinced it will add very greatly tomy happiness. And thirdly, which perhaps I should have mentioned first, that it is the

particular recommendation of my noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. "Mr Collins,"she said, "you must marry. Choose properly, she said , "choose a gentlewoman for my sake;and for your own, let her be an active, useful sort of person, not brought up too high. Findsuch a woman as soon as you can, bring her to Hunsford, and I will visit her!" And your witand vivacity, I think, must be acceptable to her when tempered with the silence and respectwhich her rank will inevitably excite. Yes. So much for my general intention in favour of matrimony. Now, as to my particular choice. My dear cousin, being, as I am, to inherit allthis estate after the death of your father, I could not satisfy myself without resolving tochoose a wife from among his daughters. And now, nothing remains but to assure you in themost animated language of the violence of my affections.

Elizabeth: Mr Collins, please . . . .

Mr Collins: To fortune I am perfectly indifferent. I am well aware that one thousand pounds in the four per cents is all you may ever be entitled to, but rest assured, I shall never reproach on that


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score when we are married!

Elizabeth: You are too hasty, sir. You forget that I have made no answer. Let me do so now. I thank youfor your compliments. I am very sensible of the honour of your proposals, but it isimpossible for me to accept them.

Mr Collins: I am by no means discouraged, indeed not. I understand that it is usual with young ladies toreject the addresses of the man they secretly mean to accept when he first applies for their

favour, and therefore I shall hope, my dear cousin, to lead you to the altar before long.

Elizabeth: Upon my word, your hope is an extraordinary one in view of my declaration. I was perfectlyserious in my refusal. You could not make me happy, and I am convinced I am the lastwoman in the world who could make you so.

Mr Collins: My dear Miss Elizabeth, my situation in life, my connection with the noble family of DeBourgh are circumstances highly in my favour. You should consider that it is by no meanscertain that another offer of marriage may ever be made to you. You cannot be serious inyour rejection. I must attribute it to your wish of increasing my love by suspense, in the usualmanner of elegant females.

Elizabeth: I assure you, sir, that I have no pretensions to the kind of elegance which consists intormenting a respectable man. I thank you for the honour of your proposals but to acceptthem is absolutely impossible. My feelings forbid it in every respect. Can I speak plainer?

Mr Collins: Oh, you are uniformly charming! And I am persuaded that when sanctioned by your excellent parents . . . my proposals . . . will not fail of being acceptable.

Longbourn House: The Library

Mrs Bennet: Oh, Mr Bennet! You are wanted immediately. We are all in uproar. You must come andmake Lizzy marry Mr Collins, for she vows she will not have him, and if you do not makehaste, Mr Collins will change his mind and he will not have her.

Mr Bennet: I have not the pleasure of understanding you. Of, ah, what are you talking?

Mrs Bennet: Of Mr Collins and Lizzy! Lizzy declares she will not have Mr Collins, and Mr Collins beginsto say he will not have Lizzy.

Mr Bennet: Well, what am I to do on the occasion? It seems a hopeless business.


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Mrs Bennet: Speak to Lizzy about it yourself! Tell her you insist upon her marrying him!

Mr Bennet: Let her come in.

Mrs Bennet: Lizzy! Lizzy! Your father wishes to speak to you.

Mr Bennet: Come here, my child. I, ah, I understand Mr Collins has made you an offer of marriage. It is

true?

Elizabeth: Yes, sir.

Mr Bennet: Very well. And, ah, this, ah, this offer of marriage you have refused.

Elizabeth: I have.

Mr Bennet: I see. Well we now come to the point. Your mother insists on your accepting him. Is it notso, Mrs Bennet?

Mrs Bennet: Yes, or I will never see her again!

Mr Bennet: An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to oneof your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr Collins, and,ah, I will never see you again if you do.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, Mr Bennet!


Mrs Bennet (o.s.): Sit down, Miss Lizzy! I insist upon your marrying Mr Collins!

Lydia: Why, Charlotte, what do you do here?

Charlotte: I am come to see Elizabeth.

Kitty: Mr Collins has made Lizzy an offer and what do you think? She won't have him!

Charlotte: Then I am very sorry for him, though I couldn't say I'm surprised.


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Mrs Bennet (o.s.): If you do not, Miss Lizzy, I will never speak to you again!

Longbourn House: The Hall

Mr Collins: I do not wish . . .

Mrs Bennet: Mr Collins!

Mr Collins: . . . to discuss the matter any longer, madam.

Mrs Bennet: Mr Collins! Wait!


Kitty: Mama's beside herself. He says he won't stay another night.

Charlotte: I wonder, should I invite him to dine with us this evening?

Lydia: Aye, do, do! Take him away and feed him. For he has been in high dudgeon all morning!


Mrs Bennet: Oh, Mr Collins!

Mr Collins: I am resigned. Resignation is never so perfect as when the blessing denied begins to losesome part of its value in our estimation. Until tomorrow then, madam. I take my leave.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, Mr Collins!

[End of Part One]


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PART TWO


Lydia & Kitty: Lizzy! Jane!


Lydia: What do you think? Mr Collins has made an offer of marriage to Charlotte Lucas!

Kitty: And shes accepted him!

Elizabeth: Charlotte? Engaged to Mr Collins? Impossible!


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Lucas Lodge

Mr Collins: The fireplace in the great room at Rosings would be much larger than that a fireplace of truly prodigious dimensions.

[Mr Collins and Sir William continue conversing, though indistinctly, in the background]

Charlotte: But why should you be surprised, my dear Lizzy? Do you think it incredible that Mr Collinsshould be able to procure any woman's good opinion, because he was not so happy as tosucceed with you?

Elizabeth: Charlotte, I didn't mean . . . I was surprised. But, Charlotte, if Mr Collins has been sofortunate as to secure your affections, Im d elighted for you both.

Charlotte: I see what youre feeling. I'm not romantic, you know; I never was. I ask only a comfortable

home. And, considering Mr Collins' character and situation in life, I am convinced that mychance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriagestate.

Mr Collins: My dear Charlotte. Cousin Elizabeth, you can see before you the happiest of men!


Elizabeth: Oh, Jane, it was such a humiliating spectacle! She knows she's marrying one of the stupidestmen in England. I never believed her capable of that.

Jane: But Lizzy, you do not make allowances for differences of situation and temper. Our cousin,Mr Collins, is not the cleverest of men, perhaps, but he is respectable. He is not vicious and,as far as fortune goes, it is an eligible match.

Elizabeth: Very eligible! You would never think of marrying a man like that simply to secure your owncomfort.

Jane: No, but Lizzy, not everyone is the same.

Elizabeth: Dear Jane. I doubt that you will have to make a choice between marrying for love and


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marrying for more material considerations.

Jane: Though you may, perhaps?

Hill: This came just now from Netherfield, ma'am.

Jane: Thank you. It's from Caroline Bingley. She writes . . . that the whole party will have left Netherfield by now for London, and without any intention of coming back again.

Miss Bingley (v/o): My brother, Charles, at first thought that the business which takes him to London might becompleted in a few days, but we are certain that this cannot be so. I am convinced that whenCharles gets to town hell be in no hurry to leave it again. I do not pretend to regret anythingI shall leave in Hertfordshire, my dearest friend, except your society. Mr Darcy, of course, isimpatient to see his sister. And to confess the truth, I am scarcely less eager . . .

Georgiana: [To Bingley] Charles . . . .

Miss Bingley (v/o): . . . to meet her again, from the hope I dare to entertain of her being hereafter my sister. Am Iwrong, my dearest Jane, in indulging the hope of an event which will secure the happiness of

so many?

Jane: Is it not clear enough? Caroline Bingley is convinced her brother is indifferent to me and shemeans most kindly to put me on my guard. Oh, Lizzy, can there be any other opinion on thesubject?

Elizabeth: Well, yes, there can! Miss Bingley sees that her brother is in love with you, and she wantshim to marry Miss Darcy. She hopes to keep him in town and persuade you that he does notcare about you. Indeed, Jane, you ought to believe me. No one who has seen you and Bingleytogether can doubt his affection.

Jane: I cannot believe Caroline is capable of wilful deceit. All I can hope for in this case is that sheis deceived herself.

Elizabeth: Oh, believe her to be deceived, by all means, but she can hardly convince a man so much inlove that he is in love with someone else instead! If Bingley is not back by your side anddining at Longbourn within two weeks, I shall be very much surprised.

Meryton


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Lydia: I don't envy Charlotte Lucas in the slightest! Fancy wanting to marry a clergyman!

Kitty: He'll be reading to her from Fordyce's Sermons every night.

Lydia: Before they go to bed! Oh, look at that hideous clot h; it would do very well for Mary, dontyou think.

Kitty: Look! There's Denny and Carter. And Wickham!

Lydia: I suppose you'll keep Wickham all to yourself again, Lizzy.

Kitty: Well, of course she will. She is violently in love with him!

Elizabeth: For heaven's sake, lower your voice.

Denny: Good afternoon to you, ladies. What a fortunate meeting, for we were about to walk towardsLongbourn in search of you.

Lydia: We came into town in search of you!

Elizabeth: We were hoping we would see you at the Netherfield ball.

Wickham: And I was very sorry, indeed, to lose the pleasure of dancing with you there. But fate, itwould seem . . . no, with you I must be entirely open. I decided that it would be wrong for me to be there. I found as the time drew near that I had better not meet with Mr Darcy.Scenes might arise unpleasant to more than myself.

Elizabeth: I do understand and I admire your forbearance. Not that it would give me a moment'sconcern to see Mr Darcy publicly set down, but in Mr Bingley's house . . . it would grieve meto see him embarrassed and discomfited.

Wickham: And through him, your sister.

Elizabeth: Yes.

Wickham: I hear your cousin, Mr Collins, is engaged to be married.

Elizabeth: Yes, to my good friend, Charlotte Lucas.

Wickham: I had thought that his intentions tended in another direction.

Elizabeth: Perhaps they did but they took a little turn, to everybody's satisfaction.


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Wickham: And relief.

Elizabeth: I hope that you will stay and take tea with us. I should like to be able to introduce you to mymother and father.

Wickham: Thank you.


[Indistinct chatter]

Mrs Bennet: Oh, Mr Denny!

Lydia: Denny!


Mrs Bennet: Oh, young George Wickham is such a charming young man is he not, my dear?

Mr Bennet: What? Oh, indeed he is. It was very good of him to entertain us so eloquently with storiesabout his misfortunes. With such narratives to hand, who would read novels.

Elizabeth: But I believe he has truly been treated contemptibly by Mr Darcy, Father.

Mr Bennet: Well, I dare say he has, Lizzy, though Darcy may turn out to be no more of a black-heartedvillain than your average rich man whos used to his own way.

Mary: It behooves us all to take very careful thought before pronouncing an adverse judgement onany of our fellow men.

Lydia: Oh, lord!

Mrs Bennet: Well, I feel very sorry for poor Mr Wickham. And so becoming in his regimentals! Iremember the time when I liked a red coat myself well enough . . . and I do still in my heart.And there's no need to smile like that, Miss Lizzy! And though Mr Wickham has taken a


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fancy to you, I'm sure you've done nothing to deserve it, after your dealings with Mr Collins.Well, it is all in vain, it will all come to nothing. Oh, the poor young man, if only he had fiveor six thousand a year, I would be happy to see him married to any of the girls. But nothingturns out the way it should. And now Mr Bingley, of whom we all had such expectations, isgone off forever.

Elizabeth: What?

Jane: I've heard again from Caroline Bingley. It is now quite definite that they will stay in town for the whole winter.

Elizabeth: I cannot believe it.

Jane: It is true.

Mr Bennet: Oh, come now, Jane, take comfort. Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in lovenow and then. When is your turn to come, Lizzy? You can hardly bear to be long outdone byJane, when here are officers enough in Meryton to disappoint all the young ladies in thecountry. Let Wickham be your man. He's a pleasant fellow; hed jilt you creditably.

Elizabeth: Thank you, sir, but a less agreeable man would satisfy me. We must not all expect Jane'sgood fortune.

Mr Bennet: True, but tis a comfort to think t hat, whatever of that kind may befall you, you have anaffectionate mother who will always make the most of it.

Mrs Bennet: I don't know what will become of us all, indeed I do not! And I cannot bear to think of Charlotte Lucas being mistress of this house! That I should be forced to make way for her and live to see her take my place in it!

Mr Bennet: My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts. Let us hope for better things; let usflatter ourselves that I might outlive you.

Mrs Bennet: Oh, oh, oh . . . .

Longbourn House: Janes Bedroom

Jane: You mustn't be anxious for me, Lizzy. He will be forgot, and we shall all be as we were before. But, I may remember him as . . . the most amiable man of my acquaintance, and that


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is all. I have nothing to either hope or fear, nothing to reproach him with. At least I have nothad that pain.

Elizabeth: Oh, my dear Jane, you are too good. Your sweetness and disinterestedness are truly angelic.

Jane: Don't tease me, Lizzy.

Elizabeth: Indeed I do not tease you. There are few people whom I really love, and even fewer of whom

I think well. The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it. Jane, what if youwere to go to town? Im sure Aunt and Uncle Gardiner would be very happy to take you bacto Gracechurch Street with them after Christmas.

Jane: Why would you have me go to London, Lizzy?

Elizabeth: Oh, no reason. A change of scene and society?


Mrs Bennet: Oh, why are you so late? I'm s ure I feared your coach had overset itself, or youd beenattacked by robbers!

Mr Gardiner: Nonsense, we made very good time. How do you do, Fanny?

Mrs Bennet: Oh, very ill, Edward, very ill. No one knows what I suffer with my nerves. But then I never complain.

Mr Gardiner: Aye, well that's the best way to go about it, Fanny. You're very good, very good.

Lydia: Oh, what have you got there? Have you brought us some presents?

Mrs Gardiner: I see you've not changed, Lydia.

Lydia: Why, have I not grown?

Mr Bennet: Aye, in everything but good sense.

Mrs Gardiner: Jane! Lizzy! Lizzy!

Mrs Bennet: Girls, get yourselves in, get yourselves in, for youve barely time for a change of clothes! We


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are bidden to the Phillips' this evening. Lord knows, I have no desire to be always going hereand there at night. I should much rather sit at home and rest my poor nerves.

Home of Mrs Phillips

Maria Lucas: [Singing] God rest ye merry, gentlemen, let nothing you dismay,Remember Christ our Saviour was born on Christmas Day,To save us all from Satan's pow'r when we were gone astray;O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy;O tidings of comfort and joy.

Mrs Bennet: Aye, poor Jane. I would not have you think I blame poor Jane at all.

Mrs Phillips: Who could blame poor Jane for the matter? She is the dearest girl in the world.

Mrs Bennet: And as I was telling our dear sister, Mrs Gardiner, she did her best.

Mrs Phillips: She would have got Bingley if she could.

Mrs Bennet: She would! She did her best, and no one could do anymore than that. But, oh, Sister, when Ithink about Lizzy!

Mrs Phillips: It must be very hard, Sister.

Mrs Bennet: It is very hard. To think she could have been Mr Collins' wife by now!

Mrs Phillips: That would have given you such comfort!

Mrs Bennet: Oh, those Lucases are such artful people indeed. They are all for what they can get! [To MrsGardiner] However, your coming just at this time is the greatest of comforts. And we arevery pleased to hear what you tell us about the latest fashions for long sleeves.

Elizabeth: May I present Mr Wickham to you, Aunt?

Mrs Gardiner: I understand you come from Derbyshire, Mr Wickham.

Wickham: Indeed I do, ma'am. Do you know the country?

Mrs Gardiner: Very well. I spent some of the happiest years of my life at Lambton.


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Wickham: But that is not five miles from where I grew up, at Pemberley.

Mrs Gardiner: Pemberley! Surely Pemberley is the most handsome house in Derbyshire, and consequentlyin the whole world.

Wickham: I see you take my view of

p and p full script by caroline w

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