parent keynote
DESCRIPTION
I present this to parents a month before their students attend college.TRANSCRIPT
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My kid is going to college. . .
Ryan McRae, M.Div.Resident Director, SME Faculty
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My kid is going to college. . .
(And I think I might be freaking out. . . )
Ryan McRae, M.Div.Resident Director, SME Faculty
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Illinois State UniversityAugust 20th, 1991
Walker Hall, 263 on 2-South. My room.
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Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
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Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
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Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
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Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
• Frustration
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Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
• Frustration
• Loneliness
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Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
• Frustration
• Loneliness
UTTER AND COMPLETE
JOY??
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Say, “Yes, you’re right.”
My kid will still need me, right?
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They will just need something else.
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They need more advice--less action.
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They need more acceptance, less adherence
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They need more accountability and less authority
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We’re glad you asked.
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Clean a toilet.
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Clean a toilet.
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Cook one meal.
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Cook one meal.
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Use this and clean this.
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Use this and clean this.
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Handle a refrigerator.
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Handle a refrigerator.
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Know how to shop.
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Know how to shop.
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Handle money.
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Handle money.
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Play the “What If?” game?
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Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
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Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
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Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
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Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
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Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
• What if your roommate plays music while you’re sleeping?
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Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
• What if your roommate plays music while you’re sleeping?
• What if you get written up by one of the RAs?
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Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
• What if your roommate plays music while you’re sleeping?
• What if you get written up by one of the RAs?
• What if you run out of money?
![Page 36: Parent keynote](https://reader033.vdocument.in/reader033/viewer/2022052623/559ec9971a28abc3338b45af/html5/thumbnails/36.jpg)
Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
• What if your roommate plays music while you’re sleeping?
• What if you get written up by one of the RAs?
• What if you run out of money?
• What if your roommate snores?
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Student’s Conduct
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Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
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Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
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Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Aiding and Abetting
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Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Aiding and Abetting
• Interpersonal Responsibility
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Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Aiding and Abetting
• Interpersonal Responsibility
• Academic Integrity
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So what happens?
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So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three areas of conduct here at CSUSM
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So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three areas of conduct here at CSUSM
• Police
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So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three areas of conduct here at CSUSM
• Police
• Dean of Students
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So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three areas of conduct here at CSUSM
• Police
• Dean of Students
• Resident Director (UVA)
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What happens with the Dean?
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What happens with the Dean?
• For academic honesty, faculty determines the grade for alleged academic misconduct assignment and/or the overall course
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What happens with the Dean?
• For academic honesty, faculty determines the grade for alleged academic misconduct assignment and/or the overall course
• (The dean has seen more academic dishonesty cases than non-academic dishonesty cases in the last 3 years)
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What happens at UVA?
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What happens at UVA?
• We meet and go over what happened with the student; we hear his or her side of the story
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What happens at UVA?
• We meet and go over what happened with the student; we hear his or her side of the story
• We conclude whether the student is responsible or not responsible
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What happens at UVA?
• We meet and go over what happened with the student; we hear his or her side of the story
• We conclude whether the student is responsible or not responsible
• They complete educational sanctions appropriate to what occurred
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Why do we do this?
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Why do we do this?
• We are interested in the development of students; our interest is intervention, not confrontation
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Why do we do this?
• We are interested in the development of students; our interest is intervention, not confrontation
• We are interested in the acceptance of responsibility, not “punishing a student”
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Why do we do this?
• We are interested in the development of students; our interest is intervention, not confrontation
• We are interested in the acceptance of responsibility, not “punishing a student”
• We look at the community standards and civility
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Why CSUSM is like ER.
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A thing called FERPA
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A thing called FERPA
• Family Education Rights and Privacy Act
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A thing called FERPA
• Family Education Rights and Privacy Act
• Your student has a right of confidentiality when it comes to what occurs here.
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A thing called FERPA
• Family Education Rights and Privacy Act
• Your student has a right of confidentiality when it comes to what occurs here.
• UVA will call for an emergency medical condition
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Hel
icop
ter
Pare
nts
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Hel
icop
ter
Pare
nts
• The term for a parent who is “hyper” involved is a called a “helicopter parent”
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Hel
icop
ter
Pare
nts
• The term for a parent who is “hyper” involved is a called a “helicopter parent”
• Other terms: Blackhawk, hovercraft, etc.
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Hel
icop
ter
Pare
nts
• The term for a parent who is “hyper” involved is a called a “helicopter parent”
• Other terms: Blackhawk, hovercraft, etc.
• Keith McRae, my dad, the first helicopter parent. I should have called him back.
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MY DAD!!
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You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
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You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-schedule” your student’s schedule.
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You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-schedule” your student’s schedule.
• You attempted to bribe an O-team member to find your student.
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You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-schedule” your student’s schedule.
• You attempted to bribe an O-team member to find your student.
• You are getting a chip implanted in your student that detects alcohol consumption.
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You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-schedule” your student’s schedule.
• You attempted to bribe an O-team member to find your student.
• You are getting a chip implanted in your student that detects alcohol consumption.
• If you student does not return your phone call within 20 minutes, you call UPD.
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• If you use the royal “We”. . . financial aid. . . . registration.
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• If you use the royal “We”. . . financial aid. . . . registration.
• You call an CSUSM office pretending to be your student. . . . we get it. We know, OK?
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• If you use the royal “We”. . . financial aid. . . . registration.
• You call an CSUSM office pretending to be your student. . . . we get it. We know, OK?
• You plan on attending every academic advising appointment and you’ve already sent the advisor a friendly “bribe”: candy, a 4G iPhone. . .
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The Big Change. . . .
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• You may want your student to talk to you about the big things (dating, sex, beliefs, etc.)
The Big Change. . . .
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• You may want your student to talk to you about the big things (dating, sex, beliefs, etc.)
• You may not need to talk to them about the small things: (laundry, roommate relations, grades.)
The Big Change. . . .
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• You may want your student to talk to you about the big things (dating, sex, beliefs, etc.)
• You may not need to talk to them about the small things: (laundry, roommate relations, grades.)
• BUT THEY ARE ALL BIG. . . ..
The Big Change. . . .
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• You may want your student to talk to you about the big things (dating, sex, beliefs, etc.)
• You may not need to talk to them about the small things: (laundry, roommate relations, grades.)
• BUT THEY ARE ALL BIG. . . ..
• For now. . .but you need to pick.
The Big Change. . . .
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What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
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What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
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What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
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What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
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What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
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What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What should you show them?
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What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What should you show them? You are proud.
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What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What should you show them? You are proud.You are proud.And so are we.
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Ryan McRae
Resident Director
SME Faculty