post mature 6-21

A Special Section Focusing On Mind and Spirit

BY EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Fabric painter Judi Jacobsonsmedium changed the day a car ran ared light and slammed into her dri-vers side door almost killing her.

It would take time to return toher craft, but when she did, shefound her canvas had narrowed. Herbroad strokes of color had becomefine lines of detail. Her art hadmoved from a focus on aestheticimpact, to a celebration of lifestreasured moments.

Before the accident, Judi and afriend began a business custompainting large area rugs.

My girlfriend and I were lookingfor something to do with our time.We had been stay-at-home moms, butthe kids were older. We decided togive it a shot, said the 58-year-oldCrystal resident.

In the first year, a builder com-missioned them to create an entryrug for a $300,000 house to be fea-tured in the Parade of Homes.

Being a new business, wethought, Wow, someone likes whatwere doing. It was a feather in ourcap.

Unfortunately, Judis accident inAugust of 1996 cut their successshort.

That was a very trying time forall of us. I felt horrible for the peoplewho had to watch me go through it,she said. I have no pain now. I justhave recovered better than I everexpected, or anyone expected. Imjust happy about living.

Although Judi healed quickly, herdesire to paint took longer to return.

My partner went on to do otherthings because I was not up to paint-ing, she said. It took a while beforeI felt like picking up a brush again.

One of the first pieces she wasinspired to do was a wall hanging forthe physical therapy departmentthat she credits with getting herback on her feet. From there, shefound she no longer had the desire topaint large, abstract rugs. Instead,she narrowed her work to smallobjects like pillows, aprons and wallhangings. Rather than creating herown designs, she found that shemost enjoyed recreating artworkfrom special event invitations.

I copy like nobodys business,she said. Tracing was my favoritething to do as a kid. I loved coloringin the lines.

After almost 15 years, her custompieces are in demand when clientsneed a memorable gift, most oftenfor weddings, bar mitzvahs, andhousewarmings.

I can duplicate the font from awedding invitation, or even recreatea picture of a house for a house-warming gift, she said. I reallyenjoy fine, detailed fabric painting.

When Judi has time to createpieces for herself, she says shesdrawn to the color red.

I love bright colors, although Idont always get to pick the color formy custom work, she said. In myhouse I do a lot with reds, and some

Crystal woman finds joy in her artSerious auto accident fosters a great

appreciation for everyday living

Art: To page 6 Judi Jacobson

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In the Community, With the Community, For the Community www.MinnLocal.com Thursday, June 22, 2012 Mature Lifestyles 3

Age, health, family can hinderpersonal relationships

BY EMILY HEDGESCONTRIBUTING WRITER

When Boyd Phelps, 88, of Eden Prairiemarried his wife, Shirley, on Sept. 11, 1948, heknew he had found the love of his life. Foralmost 60 years the couple lived together,raised two children, and faced whatever chal-lenges came their way. But after Shirleypassed away, for thefirst time since HarryTruman was in office,Phelps experiencedwhat it was to bealone.

I was just watch-ing TV, nothing butwatching TV. I couldtell you every programon every night of theweek, he said. Istarted thinkingtheres got to be moreto life than this.

Phelps decided tostart getting out. Hebegan by contactingold friends. One of thefirst people he calledwas Carol, a friend hehad known for morethan 40 years.

She used to call upevery few months tosee how I was gettingalong. We startedgoing out together. Itwas fun to meet once aweek. Then it becametwice a week, he said.

Boyds wife Shirleyhad gone to highschool with Carol. Heplayed golf with Carols husband fordecades. The two couples were even in adance club for almost 20 years.

We always saw each other socially. Wewent to dinner at each others houses as cou-ples, he remembered.

Now Boyd and Carol take vacationstogether. They particularly love cruises. Asof last month, Carol is living in the sameindependent living center.

Under the same roof but not in the sameapartment, Boyd was quick to add.

Relationships like the one Boyd and Carol

share are important to many seniors accord-ing to Sandra Grace of Healing Works inChaska. But sometimes they can be tricky.

As they age, people want someone to bethere, said Grace. They wonder if they willfind compassion and patience from someone.They worry how health issues will limitthem, she said.

She also points out that for many surviv-

ing spouses, guilt can hinder their ability tomove on.

If you had a loving relationship with adeep connection, it can be really hard tomove on and let go of that, said Grace.Theres guilt about how the children aregoing to perceive it. Will they think theyrenot honoring the spirit of their mother orfather?

One of the first things Boyd did was talkto his daughter.

At first she thought I wanted to talk toher to tell her I had cancer, remembered

Boyd. It took her a few days to get used tothe idea, but she responded in the affirma-tive to the relationship.

Grace says that what grown childrenthink about their parents entering a newrelationship can be one of the biggest obsta-cles.

Kids can be very threatened, especially ifthere is any kind of wealth, said Grace.

They suspect theirmotivations.

But Grace encour-ages the children tosee their parents newrelationships as ablessing.

Many times theirkids are busy. If theyare able to find some-one, their kids shouldbe thankful.

So part of her job isto help older clientsmove past those feel-ings of guilt and otherbarriers that canstand in the way of asuccessful and healthynew relationship.

Sometimes as peo-ple become older, theyget rigid in theirbeliefs, routines, fami-ly rituals, in theirphysical surround-ings, she said.

The challengecomes in figuring outhow to compromise.

Another concern isattractiveness. Gracefinds many clientsworry about whether

or not they will be attractive to anyone, espe-cially if there are health issues.

Hopefully we are more spiritually attrac-tive, instead of all the materialist trap-pings, said Grace.

Its this focus on the opportunities ratherthan the limitations of dating later in lifethat Grace stresses to her clients.

If we age gracefully, we have more com-passion, wisdom. We feel lighter, saidGrace. There is no biological clock tickingor career building. During this time, its notabout becoming; its about being.

Boyd and Carol


New Brighton womans book describes her journey with GodBY EMILY HEDGES

CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Shirley Shumakers (85) life can bedivided into two phases: before Aug. 22,1964 and everything after. On that Fridayafternoon, her husband came home andtold her he was leaving. He said if thingsdidnt work out, hed be back. Then hekissed her on the cheek and walked outthe door.

The agnostic, stay-at-home, mother ofthree simply got up, walked into her bed-room, and shut the door. What happenednext would define the rest of her life andstart her down the path of writing.

In the book she would publish 24 yearslater, Overtaken By Love: Growing inSpiritual Intimacy, Shumaker describesthat fateful day:

I walked into the bedroom and lookedat the eastern sky. Suddenly I feltimmersed in love, and somehow I knew itwas God. Then I felt a deep sense thateverything was going to be alright.

Although raised a Catholic, Shumakersays she thought of God as more the oldman in the sky than a real presence. Butafter that defining moment of feelingGods closeness, she led a different sort of

life, although she admits it didnt keepher from worrying about the future with-out her husband.

I became a Christian, but I was also asingle motherwith no job andthree children,she said. Butthe words, theLord wouldopen the door,brought mecomfort.

Over the nextphase of herlife, Shumakerfound the rightjob and theright home justwhen she needed it. At the same time, hersearch for spiritual understanding ledher into what she would later character-ize in her book as occult. It was duringthis time, she began to write, producingher first manuscript.

She writes in Overtaken By Love, Itwas returned to me by the publisher andthat rejection was used of God to moti-vate me to destroy my stack of occultwriting I tore everything into shreds

and stuffed the mound of torn paper intothe same trash bag in which Id tossedthe occult books.

Shumaker didnt give up on her writ-ing. Over theyears, she pro-duced a grow-ing pile of per-sonal journalsand essays thatlater formedthe basis ofOvertaken ByLove. She start-ed working onher book inearnest afterretiring in herlate 60s, com-

pleting it in her 70s. I started writing when I found some-

thing in the scriptures that spoke to me,she said. She shared her writing withfriends and family. Their positiveresponse encouraged her to continue.Union Life magazine published two ofher articles in 1987 and 1991.

It was a holy spirit-led operation. Idsit and write, and if the Holy Spirit was-nt speaking to me in my heart, Id quit

for a few days. A book gradually devel-oped.

By 2008 she had a complete, 24-chaptermanuscript published by Zulon press, aself-publisher for Christian authors.

I bought copies and distributed themto friends and family, she said. Im alsoin the process of trying to get Barnes &Noble to carry it.

For Shumaker, its all about sharingthe message of Gods love with those whohunger for a closer relationship withHim. She writes in the synopsis found onthe back of the book: We are living cellsin the body of Christ; living stones in Histemple; lights in the world and livingepistles for all to read. May the HolySpirit sprinkle the diamond dust of reve-lation throughout; heavenly fragmentsthat will cling to the fingers which turnthe pages while He quickens the heartand confirms His unconditional, unwa-vering love toward every son and daugh-ter.

Shumaker currently lives in NewBrighton near her three children Lori,Greg and Steve, and two grandchildrenConnor and Fallon. Overtaken By Love:Growing in Spiritual Intimacy may bepurchased at Amazon.com.

It was a holy spirit-led operation. Id sit and write, and if the Holy Spirit wasnt

speaking to me in my heart, Id quit for a few days. A book

gradually developed.

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Helping elderly parents or relatives from afarTodays families are more geo-

graphically diverse than ever before.Whereas it was once common for fam-ilies to remain in the same city orstate for generations, nowadaysfamilies routinely spread out acrossthe country if not the world.Thanks to technological advance-ments that make it easier than everbefore to stay in touch, familiestoday can still thrive and stay closeeven if they live hundreds, if notthousands, of miles away from oneanother.

One issue facing many familiesthat have chosen to spread out ishow to help Mom and Dad whenthey reach the age where they needtheir adult childrens help. Whilethis wasnt a problem for the fami-lies of yesteryear, it is a genuineconcern for adults who live faraway from their parents.

Fortunately there are ways to bethere for your elderly parents evenwhen you cant physically be therefor them.

* Speak to your parents aboutwhat they need. While some parentsmight not be able to realisticallyassess their needs, children shouldspeak to their parents when makingdecisions about their care. Adultswho live far away from their par-ents might not know exactly whatMom and Dad need, so discuss theproblems they might be having on aday-to-basis to determine the levelof care or assistance they will need.

* Examine finances. Managingmoney is often difficult for seniorswho have had an accident or aredealing with a serious medical con-dition. Seniors might forget to paybills or be struggling to managemoney with the escalating costs of

prescription medications andhealth care in general.

To help avoid missed bills, adultchildren can utilize online bill pay-ing offered by many banks, whereinbills are automatically paid eachmonth on their due date by simplybeing deducted from a givenaccount. Adult children can alsoconsult a financial advisor to devel-op a plan that allows seniors accessto their money while ensuring itwill still be there when they need it.

* Research community resources.Many communities provide ade-quate resources for the elderly whomight be incapacitated or otherwiseneed assistance. Programs such asMeals on Wheels can be a greatassistance to long-distance care-givers concerned about their elder-ly parents. Residents of the UnitedStates can consult with the

Department of Health and HumanServices or visitwww.Eldercare.gov and use theireldercare locator to find local agen-cies designed to help older personsand their families access communi-ty-based services including trans-portation, meal delivery and home-care.

* Stay in touch with seniorsphysicians. One way to monitor eld-erly parents from far away is tokeep in frequent contact with theirphysicians. Discuss the situationwith your parents physicians inperson, and ask to be kept abreastof any changes in their health thatmight require altering their dailyroutines or homecare schedules.

For additional tips or informationon helping elderly parents fromafar, visit the U.S. Administrationon Aging Web site at www.aoa.gov.

Lincoln Assassination15 0 Y E A R S L AT E R

Thursday, June 28 at 2:00 pm

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BY EMILY HEDGESCONTRIBUTING WRITER

How do you mourn someone whois physically here, but psychological-ly absent? How do you accept that youcan no longer do all the normal activ-ities that youre used to? How do youfind companionship when you are allalone? These are some of the ques-tions that Minnetonka therapist Dr.Jody Grande of Hope Allianz facesdaily with her aging clients.

The New Hope resident began herpractice in Minnetonka in 2003 with afocus on family care giving, some-thing she became interested in whilein graduate school. After writing herdissertation on families living withmental illness, she realized howmuch need there was, and how muchambiguous loss played into lifeexperiences.

While in school, Grande was heav-ily influenced by the work of PaulineBoss, professor of family and socialscience at the University ofMinnesota, who is known for herground-breaking research on the the-ory of ambiguous loss. In her bookAmbiguous Loss: Learning to Livewith Unresolved Grief, she explainsthat ambiguous loss is associatedwith a lack of closure, such as a fam-ily member with Alzheimers disease.

Dr. Grande sees ambiguous lossfrequently when working with herolder clients, who make up approxi-mately one-quarter of her practice.

I see ambiguous loss as the loss ofability to do what we once did, saidDr. Grande. With ambiguous loss,there are no rituals to follow. Withdeath, for example, we have rituals.

Dr. Grande knows about this fromexperience. Married to a man 22

years older than her, the 60-year-oldfinds herself mourning the aspects oflife they can no longer share.

My relationship with my hus-band is still there, but we dont takewalks or travel due to limiting healthissues and limited energy, she said.I see the transitions going on withmy husband driving, connectingwith people, cognitivity, memory loss I learned to step back and be patientwith the process.

Part of being patient is the under-standing of how we all change in sim-ilar ways with each passing decade,according to Grande.

We tend to ask ourselves similarquestions, what have I done andwhere am I going? And as we getolder, where have we been and howdo we want to end this life? come tothe forefront.

When you add loneliness to it, sheunderstands that life can be extreme-ly difficult for her older clients.

Thats why Dr. Grande says she isopen to spending a little extra timewith her older clients.

They are lonely, and I am here. Isee how important that is to myclients. I do see more of that need theolder the client is.

She sees many reasons for loneli-ness. Sometimes families dont liveclose by, or they dont want to botherthem.

They need to wake up and not feeldepressed. They need youngerfriends, and they need exercise, shesaid. Basically they need someone totalk to.

She recalls visiting an assisted liv-ing center with her mother and meet-ing an elderly woman who seemed toembody the loneliness that she fre-quently sees in her practice.

One dear lady introduced herself.She was so excited she could hardlycontain herself. She said, Yourmother could live across the hallfrom me. We could be best friends.

Dr. Grande hopes to expand herpractice to include life skills trainingwhich would focus on building theskills necessary to flourish at thistime of life.

Our population is aging and we

need to step back and manage how wethink about it, she said. In doingresearch on whats out there, I haverealized that opportunities are limit-ed.

For more information on HopeAllianz, go to www.hopeallianz.com.For more information on localresources for seniors and caregivers,go to www.seniorcommunityser-vices.org.


Ambiguous loss can weigh heavily on older individuals

black and white.Two years ago, one of her pieces, a

zebra face on black suede, was accept-ed in a juried competition held at thePlymouth Community Center.Although she didnt win, she felt hon-ored to have been included. In fact,these days, Judi just feels honored tobe doing any of the things she once

took for granted.I shouldnt have lived through the

accident. Sixteen years later, I wake upevery day, happy to be up with my feeton the floor, happy to walk, happy forwhat I can do at end of the day. Im justhappy.

She feels this gratitude thestrongest when she finds herself ather own special occasions.

Dancing at my kids weddings.Playing with my sweetest little grand-son. I cherish every day I have. Its trulygiven me a new perspective on life.

ArtContinued from page 1

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2 0 1 2


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