prepared exclusively for: allie jones

Original Playscripts

COMPETITION SCENES: DUETS

EDITED BY Lindsay Price

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Scenes

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Prepared Exclusively For: Allie jones

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Copyrighted Material for perusal purposes. Licensed for one printed copy, personal use. Public performances subject to royalty.Visit http://www.theatrefolk.com/products/52 for pricing and ordering.

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EDITED BY Lindsay Price


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Competition Scenes: Duets Copyright © 2004 Edited by Lindsay Price Romeo and Juliet adapted by Craig Mason All other scenes by Lindsay Price CAUTION: This play is fully protected under the copyright laws of Canada and all other countries of the Universal Copyright Convention and is subject to royalty. Changes to the script are expressly forbidden without written consent of the author. Rights to produce, film, or record, in whole or in part, in any medium or in any language, by any group amateur or professional, are fully reserved. Interested persons are requested to apply for amateur rights to:

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Those interested in professional rights may contact the author c/o the above address. No part of this script covered by the copyrights hereon may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means - graphic, electronic or mechanical - without the prior written permission of the author. Any request for photocopying, recording, or taping shall be directed in writing to the author at the address above.

Printed in Canada ISBN 1-894870-51-4


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CharactersCharactersCharactersCharacters PlayPlayPlayPlay PagePagePagePage

Two WomenTwo WomenTwo WomenTwo Women

Emily and Madeline.....................................Body Body .............................................................5

Jane and Monster .................................... Jealousy Jane.........................................................11

Madame Zoobenka and Meredith ........Wait Wait Bo Bait......................................................16

Tera and Amy................................................Pressure .............................................................20

True and Legit...............................................Flaky Lips ............................................................28

Madeline and Sandy...................................Body Body ...........................................................34

Jane and Woman Who Walks................. Jealousy Jane.........................................................38

Agatha and Eunice.....................................Agatha Rex..........................................................43

One Man and One WomenOne Man and One WomenOne Man and One WomenOne Man and One Women

Johan and Hans......................................Deck the Stage! .......................................................87

Capulet and Messenger.........................Romeo and Juliet ......................................................92

Nicholas and John..............................The Canterbury Tales...................................................96

Steve and Edgar.....................................Wait Wait Bo Bait...................................................101

Jake and Mr. Westlake...........The Bright Blue Mailbox Suicide Note....................................104

Jake and Beebee....................The Bright Blue Mailbox Suicide Note.......................................48

Shelley and Ben.......................................Deck the Stage! .......................................................52

Chanticleer and Pertelote ....................The Canterbury Tales...................................................58

Jill and Jack...........................................Free — Version 1......................................................62

Katheryne and Thomas...............................Wenceslas ...........................................................68

Nicky and Pete .......................................Wait Wait Bo Bait......................................................72

Gerald and Madeline .................................Body Body ...........................................................76

Nicola and Rick.......................................Football Romeo .......................................................81

Two Men Two Men Two Men Two Men

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All plays published by Theatrefolk.


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��

Scenes for Two Women ��


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EEEEMILYMILYMILYMILY ANDANDANDAND M M M MADELINEADELINEADELINEADELINE

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Body Body GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Drama TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 4:30

————————

DDDDESCRIPTIONESCRIPTIONESCRIPTIONESCRIPTION

Emily sits in her bedroom preparing for a date. She is 18 years old and, on the surface, is very sure of herself. Madeline, her younger sister, enters tentatively. She is 16.

AAAACTINGCTINGCTINGCTING H H H HINTSINTSINTSINTS

Madeline and Emily do not get along. It takes a great deal of courage for Madeline to approach Emily; reflect this in how Madeline moves and speaks.

Emily seems like she’s in control but her eating disorder indicates this is not so. Choose a moment in the scene to show that loss of control.

We learn later in the play that Emily dies from her eating disorder.

———————— MADELINE hovers at the doorway to EMILY’s room. She moves forward and back as she decides whether she’s going to enter.

EMILY: What do you want?

MADELINE: Nothing.

EMILY: Then go away. I'm busy.

MADELINE: You have a date tonight?

EMILY: (as if stating the obvious) Yes. Do you? Of course you don't.

Another Friday night at home. How boring. Don't pick your face

like that. You'll get scars.

MADELINE: Sorry. Are you seeing Gord?

EMILY: Frankie. Gord was too… (she makes a vague distasteful gesture

with her hand)

MADELINE: Oh.

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EMILY: What do you care? Are you keeping score?

MADELINE: No. I… I wanted to ask you a question.

EMILY: You want to ask me something.

MADELINE: Yes.

EMILY: This isn't a facts-of-life question, is it? I have neither the time

nor the inclination to explain sex to you.

MADELINE: I just wanted to know… does it hurt?

EMILY: Does what hurt?

MADELINE: Throwing up.

EMILY: What on earth are you asking me for? Do I look like an expert

on vomiting? You're such a lummox. A great big hulking

lummox. No wonder you never have a date.

MADELINE: (fast, bursting out) Lola Mittler called you “Upchuck”

in the bathroom today.

EMILY: What?

MADELINE: I was in the stall and she was talking to someone, I don't

know who, and she said her sister was on the same floor as you

in your dorm and they were laughing about how you think you're

keeping it a secret but everybody knows. You're Upchuck Emily

and how could you think you're fooling anyone when you

disappear after dinner? That's what she said.

EMILY: Patty’s just jealous. I went out on a date with a guy she's been

drooling over. She's jealous and she made up something to

make me look bad. What would I need to throw up for? I've

never had a problem with my weight, have I?

MADELINE: No.

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EMILY: Do I look sick? Do I look like I have a problem? Do I?

MADELINE: No.

EMILY: No. Patty lied to her sister and told her to make sure you

overheard. Lola must have known you were in the stall. That's all

there is to it. Just a bunch of lies to make me look bad. Vicious

lies. Just wait until I see Pudgy Patty again. I'm gonna look so

good her eyeteeth are going to fall out of her head.

MADELINE: I heard you on Sunday.

EMILY: Heard what?

MADELINE: Sunday after dinner. I heard you. And tonight. Ten minutes

ago. And during spring break you said you were sick but I -

EMILY gets up and crosses as if she is looking to see if anyone is in the hall. Satisfied no one is there, she drags MADELINE centre stage.

EMILY: What are you doing, spying on me?

MADELINE: I'm not, I'm not!

EMILY: What are you doing?

MADELINE: Nothing.

EMILY: What do you want?

MADELINE: Nothing. Nothing. You're hurting me!

EMILY lets go of MADELINE roughly. MADELINE rubs her arm.

MADELINE: My bedroom is right next to the bathroom. I'm not deaf.

EMILY: Have you told anybody?

MADELINE: No.

EMILY: Have you said anything to Mom and Dad?

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MADELINE: No.

EMILY: Don't worry about it. It doesn't concern you.

MADELINE: I'm not worried.

EMILY: You're not going to say a word about this. If you tell anyone, I'll

just deny it. No one believes you anyway.

MADELINE: I don't want to tell anyone. I'm not going to tell.

EMILY: (she looks at MADELINE) If you're not going to tell, why are you

here?

MADELINE: I wanted to know how you did it.

EMILY: Why?

MADELINE: Because.

EMILY: Because why? (MADELINE doesn’t answer) Because you want

to?

MADELINE: I don't know. (pause) I can't lose weight. I try and I try but

nothing works. I always screw it all up. I hate being fat.

EMILY: You're not terribly fat.

MADELINE: Everyone says I'm never going to be as skinny as you and I

just thought…

EMILY: You'd never have the nerve.

MADELINE: I do to! I could do it.

EMILY: You kneel in front of the toilet. You stick your finger down your

throat -

MADELINE: I can't do that! I'll gag.

EMILY: That's the point.

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MADELINE: I can't.

EMILY: Suit yourself.

MADELINE: Do you do it a lot?

EMILY: Of course not. It's a quick fix that's all. A problem I take care of.

There's something in my stomach and I get rid of it. Easy as pie.

MADELINE: But you're nowhere near fat.

EMILY: And I'd like to keep it that way.

MADELINE: Are you bulimic?

EMILY: Don't be stupid. What would make you say that?

MADELINE: Isn't that what bulimics do? Throw up?

EMILY: It doesn't hurt me. I know what I'm doing.

MADELINE: It doesn't hurt? It's ok for you?

EMILY: You better start growing up real fast. College is going to eat

you alive. You think high school is so easy. All you have to do is

be nice to the teachers and they give you good grades. Last

semester I sat in a room of 500 and the teachers didn't even

know our names. They didn't care if you were nice. They expect

you do to all this work. You have to keep your grades up. And

there's always more work. And there's no "Mom" to tell you do to

anything. No one to nag you, no one to tell you to eat properly.

Who's gonna know if you eat French fries for dinner every night?

I've always been able to eat what I want. I hate it. Hate it! (there

is a pause as she collects herself) Want to know a secret? You

can't tell Mom or Dad…

MADELINE: I promise.

EMILY: I went into a modeling agency last week.

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MADELINE: You're going to be a model?

EMILY: Wouldn't that put Patty Mittler in a tizzy. Modeling will be a lot

more fun instead of sitting in stuffy classrooms all day long.

MADELINE: Why did you do it on Sunday?

EMILY: What? Oh… aren't you full of questions. The modeling agency

said I have to lose 10 pounds and then one of the agents will

meet with me. It's practically a done deal. They oooohed and

awed over my bone structure and my skin. You need to start

taking better care of your skin. If you keep picking those zits you'll

get scars.

MADELINE: I guess it's ok as long as you don't hurt yourself.

EMILY: You are such a bizarre child. Where's my lipstick?

��

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JJJJANEANEANEANE ANDANDANDAND M M M MONSTERONSTERONSTERONSTER

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Jealousy Jane GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 4:00

————————


Jane is attached to a “Jealousy Monster.” She has been denying her jealousy and the monster has gotten stronger and stronger. Now the monster, which started out speaking in grunts and groans, can actually walk upright and talk.


The most important aspect to clarify in this scene is the movement of the monster. Is it completely human through the whole scene? Does it imitate Jane’s movements and patterns of speech? There are endless possibilities.

Until this moment, Jane has been in control of the monster and of the play. This is the first time she is powerless and out of control. Explore that feeling in her actions and her dialogue.

———————— JANE paces in frustration. The MONSTER prowls behind her. During JANE’s speech the MONSTER becomes more and more human.

JANE: It’s not that bad to be jealous. It’s just a feeling; it’s just an

emotion. Jealous people don't kill or anything. Oh wait. They do.

But that doesn’t apply to me because I… because I’ve never

felt… never… I… (JANE pauses a moment but she will not

accept.) It’s just ridiculous. They don't know what they're talking

about.

MONSTER: They're just telling the truth.

JANE: And you, I’m getting tired of you - (JANE’s mouth drops) You.

You talked! What happened? You don't even look like a monster

anymore. And you talked! In sentences.

MONSTER: I did, didn't I? What a glorious thing. Why didn't I try this

sooner? (The MONSTER takes a deep breath.) This is truly

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glorious.

JANE: And you're clean! And you're wearing nice clothes. And you're

talking in -

MONSTER: Complete sentences. Yes, we established that.

JANE: Oh no.

MONSTER: Oh yes.

JANE: I don’t like this plot twist at all.

MONSTER: I think I'm here to stay, Jane. I like this place. And you are

a very gracious host, if I may say so. The more you deny me the

stronger I get.

JANE: I am not in denial.

MONSTER: That’s the spirit.

JANE: You can't get stronger. I don't want to have conversations with a

monster. You can't stay.

The MONSTER circles JANE, poking at her and knocking her off-balance.

MONSTER: And yet here I am. So what are we going to do today?

School? Walking the halls, the slamming of locker doors, the

substandard cafeteria food, hearing the taunts and jeers aimed

at the less fortunate. (The MONSTER breathes in with a satisfied

smile.) I adore the classics. No? What about the mall? You don't

like the mall, do you Jane? All those girls with their better looks

and their better bodies.

JANE: Stop it.

MONSTER: They've all got money to burn too, don't they? They don't

ever look at the price tags like you have to.

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JANE: Stop it!

MONSTER: They've got their own cars and you don't. They wear clothes

that you could never fit into. They buy CDs by the dozen. Haven't

you always wanted to be a musician? You know that will never

happen to someone like you, dear. My goodness, it feels good to

hate them so much.

JANE: Shut up, shut up, shut up!

MONSTER: I'm hungry, Jane. Let’s go get something to eat.

JANE: I don't want to. I'm not hungry.

MONSTER: You're not in charge anymore, sister. I'm just getting

started. The play is mine.

JANE: You can’t do that!

MONSTER: Change of set please!

The MONSTER walks with purpose and JANE is dragged behind. In the following, the MONSTER appears to speak bluntly to various people, and JANE can’t stop it.

MONSTER: You've got the lead in the school play? How did that

happen? I've got more talent in my baby finger than you have in

your whole body! (to a new person) You won that writing contest?

I should have won. You're not half as good as me. (to a new

person) You made the basketball team? Of all the luck. How on

earth did that happen? You get everything you ask for, don't you?

You never have to lift a finger. Huh. (looking around) Where did

everyone go? You sure know how to clear a room.

JANE: Why are you being so mean?

MONSTER: I'm just acting on your instincts, Jane.

JANE: No, they're not my instincts, I would never say those things.

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MONSTER: But you think those things. All the time. And you do say

them behind people’s backs. Do you think that just because you

don't say something to a person’s face that makes it all right?

JANE: No, you've got it all wrong -

MONSTER: Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.

MONSTER pushes JANE away. She speaks to the audience.

JANE: As you can see, I'm in a bit of a bind here. I didn't expect this

turn of events.

The MONSTER sees JANE talking to the audience and returns.

MONSTER: Who are you talking to?

JANE: The audience.

MONSTER: I see. Are you jealous of any of them?

JANE: Only that they are out there and I'm up here.

MONSTER: Then I guess I should just continue what I'm doing. (as if

quoting) The Monster crosses in front of the previous main

character Jane, upstaging her handsomely. The Monster smiles,

turns its head and speaks in lovely dulcet tones. Monster, colon,

Come on Jane, we're going to a party.

The MONSTER snaps its fingers. JANE looks around her in horror.

JANE: What kind of party is this?

MONSTER: It’s a jealously monster’s ball. I've been dying to attend one

but I’ve never been fully developed.

JANE: Great.

MONSTER: I owe it all to you, Jane. Thanks a bunch, kid.

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JANE: All these people have monsters inside of them?

MONSTER: This is just the tip of the iceberg. Monsters are everywhere,

Jane. Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t

there; hiding in your ear, sitting on your shoulder, sucking up

your thoughts. And once you let a monster out, it’s practically

impossible to get rid of it.

JANE: Impossible?

MONSTER: That’s right.

JANE: (hopelessly) Impossible.

MONSTER: I've no time for small talk, Jane. Mingle, mingle.

JANE: I don't want to mingle with monsters. They look awful.

MONSTER: Who said you had a choice?

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MMMMADAMEADAMEADAMEADAME Z Z Z ZOOBENKAOOBENKAOOBENKAOOBENKA ANDANDANDAND M M M MEREDITHEREDITHEREDITHEREDITH

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Wait Wait Bo Bait GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 4:00

————————

DDDDESCRIPTIONESCRIPTIONESCRIPTIONESCRIPTION The setting is a fortune teller’s salon. Meredith is determined to get the answer to a very important question.


Both characters are fakes to a certain degree: Madame Zoobenka fakes an accent (and perhaps her fortunes), Meredith has a “fake” relationship while she unrealistically waits for the man of her dreams. Make sure you show both sides of the character in the scene: their fake personas, and what lies beneath.

Is this the first time Meredith has gone to a fortune teller?

Think about who your ideal man is. Would you wait for a fantasy or are you more realistic?

———————— MEREDITH enters slowly.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: (using an Eastern European accent) Come in.

Come in. What do you want to know? Madame Zoobenka sees

all.

MEREDITH: Thank you. I just have one question.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Madame Zoobenka knows all.

MEREDITH: What I want to know is –

MADAME ZOOBENKA: (interrupting) Cash up front, honey. $24.50

including tax. (MEREDITH pays) What is it? What do you want to

know? Your hands are very descriptive. Your face has interesting

shadows. This is going to be a most fascinating session. Ask your

question and Madame Zoobenka will answer. She will tell all.

MEREDITH: Ok. (She takes a deep breath) Ok. This is what I want to

know. How long am I supposed to wait for the man of my

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dreams?

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Come again?

MEREDITH: My Prince Charming. My knight in shining armour. The

one who's going to sweep me off my feet and make me happy

for the rest of my life. How long am I supposed to wait?

MADAME ZOOBENKA: You watch too much TV.

MEREDITH: You're supposed to see into the future. So look into the

future and tell me when he's going to come.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Oh honey. Here, take your money back. Go

put an ad in the paper. Better yet, stand on a street corner with a

sign: "Wanted: One man of dreams." You'll be farther ahead

than anything I can tell you.

MEREDITH: Chad said you could tell me. Chad said you were the best.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: (Losing accent) Chad gets paid to say that.

Look. I can do wealth and prosperity. I can do great romance

and when’s the best time of year to buy a house. I can usually

make a stab at children. But how long you should wait for the

man of your dreams? If I could do that do you think I'd be sitting

here? Do you know how long I've been waiting for the man of my

dreams? It ain't been a minute and it ain't been pretty.

MEREDITH: What happened to your accent?

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Huh? Oh that's just for show. The future is

easier to believe when it comes from Eastern Europe. Don't ask

me why; I just follow the trends.

MEREDITH: Well this is no good. I mean if I had a timeline - you will

wait x number of years and then open the door, I'd be willing to

wait. For the man of my dreams I’m willing to wait. My mother

always said, “Don’t settle. Don’t give away your dreams. I settled

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for a car salesman and I’ve been kicking myself ever since.”

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Used or new?

MEREDITH: Used.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: The poor dear.

MEREDITH: But now, I don't know. It’s so unpredictable. And it's so

unfair to Sherm.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Who’s Sherm?

MEREDITH: My boyfriend.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Hold the phone. Hold the phone. Why are you

looking for a white knight when you already have a Sherm?

You’re here with your don’t-settle-for-a-car-salesman sob story

and you have a Sherm? Do you know how many people out

there are waiting for a knight and have no back-up Sherm to

lean on?

MEREDITH: Sherm is great, don’t get me wrong. He’s sweet and kind

and he loves me and –

MADAME ZOOBENKA: And?

MEREDITH: He’s short. My friends make fun of me all the time. He can

barely kiss me without standing on tiptoe. He’s not man-of-my-

dreams material. He’s not the one I’ve been waiting for.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: How do you know?

MEREDITH: His name is Sherm! The man of your dreams doesn’t get

off a horse and say, "Hello. My name is Sherm." It doesn’t work

like that.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: (standing up) You watch way too much TV.

MEREDITH: Hey. Where are you going? What about my future!

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MADAME ZOOBENKA: I’ve just seen the light. I’m going to get my

Mel.

MEREDITH: Who’s Mel?

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Mel wants to marry me. I’ve been putting him

off and putting him off 'cause I’ve been waiting too. Only I’ve

been waiting for one of those tall, dark and handsome types.

Someone who drives a motorcycle and has long curly hair.

MEREDITH: You see. You know what you want. My mother was right.

Why settle?

MADAME ZOOBENKA: 'Cause this whole wait for the man of your

dreams thing is crackers in your head. Who says the man of your

dreams is going to come? What if you wait forever and you lose

your Sherm and I lose my Mel and we’re both bitter old women,

the kind with lots of cats and dust balls for company. Kids on the

street will pass by our houses and snigger. I do not want that to

happen to me. I’m going to marry a man who loves me and I

love him and who cares if he has a lisp and a handlebar

moustache and likes Country and Western? Do you love your

Sherm?

MEREDITH: Yes but –

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Neh, Neh, Neh. Do you love your Sherm?

MEREDITH: Of course I do.

MADAME ZOOBENKA: Then stop whinging and stop waiting for a

man who’s living in your head. I will wait no longer. (calling out

as she leaves) Mel! Mel! Fire up the station wagon and the

Johnny Cash. We’re going to Vegas.

MEREDITH: (running after) Wait! Wait!

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TTTTERAERAERAERA ANDANDANDAND A A A AMYMYMYMY

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Pressure GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Drama TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 2:00

————————


Tera has just accepted a date from Dave Laberge, a basketball star. Amy has something she wants to tell Tera about Dave, but it’s too painful to reveal.


This is an intense scene. Amy desperately tries to reveal a terrible secret and Tera is desperately trying to fit into high school society.

Make it as difficult as possible for Amy to say what she has to say. The more she struggles, the more impatient Tera should act: it will create great conflict in the scene. Don’t be afraid to play with pauses.

———————— TERA stands centre stage. She is looking through a notebook. AMY enters, slowly making her way to TERA. TERA looks up.

TERA: Hi.

AMY doesn't answer.

TERA: Ok. Is there something wrong? Am I supposed to know you?

AMY doesn't answer.

TERA: Ok. Look I'm kinda busy right now so…

AMY: You're going to the prom with Dave Laberge.

TERA: Yeah. How did you… Boy, news travels fast.

AMY: I wasn't going to say anything but it's not right. I saw you talking

together. I saw him pull out the tickets. I saw you talking together.

He asked you this afternoon.

TERA: That's right.

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AMY: I… have to talk to you. About Dave.

TERA: You're not his girlfriend are you? Aw man… I knew this was too

good to be true.

AMY: I’m not his girlfriend.

TERA: Does he have a girlfriend?

AMY: No. Look. I have to… I went to the prom with Dave last year. It

was… You shouldn't go with him. He's trouble. You should stay

away.

TERA: Why? Did he dump you or something?

AMY: No. Yes.

TERA: Which is it?

AMY: It's both. I mean… It's a game. You shouldn't go; can't we just

leave it at that?

TERA: No. No. I don't even…

AMY: I know it sounds bad but I'm telling you…

TERA: Amy. I'm new here. I have had a pretty rotten year and this is the

first time something really nice has happened. Why are you trying

to ruin it?

AMY: He'll pick you up in a limo. And it will be really fun at first, his

friends will be there and everyone will be making jokes. Only

none of his friends have dates. And everything will stop being fun

when Dave pulls out a mickey. I… We… We never made it to the

prom.

TERA: That's not true. I don't believe… He said he picked me out

special. I have never heard anything like this about Dave

Laberge.

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AMY: You're new. You said it yourself.

TERA: I think you're jealous.

AMY: I'm trying to help you.

TERA: By ruining my first prom.

AMY: Just ask him. Go ahead. Ask him if he's going to drink

beforehand. I gotta catch my bus.

TERA: If he did something so bad, why didn't you tell anyone?

AMY: Everyone thinks the world of Dave Laberge. He's a star. He's

going to school in the States. I'm a nobody. I said yes. (She runs

off)

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AAAAGATHAGATHAGATHAGATHA ANDANDANDAND I I I IRENERENERENERENE

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Agatha Rex GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 4:00

————————


Agatha and Irene are sisters. Their brothers, Paul and Elliot, have been punished unevenly for the same crime: Paul is expelled, while Elliot receives an essay and a warning. Agatha tries to get her sister to help fight the principal, Dr. Creon, but Irene wants nothing to do with it.


One of the best ways to create conflict is to throw two opposing personalities into a room and see what happens. Agatha and Irene are as far apart as two sisters can be. This is probably one of the few times Agatha chooses to speak to Irene and viceversa.

Agatha feels that because she believes in doing the right thing, Irene should follow suit. Show Agatha’s hurt and disbelief when Irene decisively walks away from helping.

Is Irene shallow and selfish? Does Agatha expect too much?

NOTE: Dr. Creon is also known as Cromagnon.

———————— IRENE is stage left talking to friends. AGATHA enters, sees IRENE and crosses to her with determination.

AGATHA: Irene!

IRENE: (not that happy) Oh. Hi Agatha.

AGATHA: I need to talk to you.

She drags IRENE away.

IRENE: (in a bright voice to her friends.) Ok, like, see you later guys! (in

an annoyed voice to AGATHA) It’s all right; I wasn’t doing

anything important, drag me wherever.

AGATHA: Did you hear about Paul and Elliot?

IRENE: Yeah, like, that really sucks.

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AGATHA: It more than sucks, Irene. It’s completely unfair.

IRENE: Paul’s been in trouble before, he should be used to it.

AGATHA: That’s not the point.

IRENE: What do I care what the point is? All I know is that it isn’t

happening to me. Oh, I would just like die if I ever got expelled.

AGATHA: Irene.

IRENE: I mean, I wouldn’t be able to show my face at all. Especially not

after doing something so stupid like what they did.

AGATHA: Irene…

IRENE: I mean, if you’re going to get expelled, it shouldn’t be for

something stupid, it should be for something really bad;

something really despicable like cheating, or stealing, or running

someone down in the parking lot, or…

AGATHA: IRENE! THAT IS NOT THE POINT!!!

IRENE: Well sorry. Excuse me for breathing.

AGATHA: Paul and Elliot did the exact same thing. They should be

treated equally and it shouldn’t matter that Paul’s been in trouble

more times than Elliot. (IRENE looks blankly at AGATHA.) Don't

you agree? Don’t you think they should both be treated the

same?

IRENE: But if Elliot gets expelled he, like, won’t be able to play

basketball.

AGATHA: So what?

IRENE: So what? The team needs him! They’ll lose the championship

without him. He’s like, their number one player, their ace in the

hole, their…

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AGATHA: And what about Paul?

IRENE: He doesn’t play basketball.

AGATHA: Irene. This is really important.

IRENE: Why does Paul have to play basketball?

AGATHA: He -

IRENE: (continuing from her previous line) I mean, he couldn’t really

play if he tried. He isn’t exactly the fittest person in the world. I

personally think it’s all the French fries he eats, it’s completely

gross. I mean the pimples alone are…

AGATHA: (leaping in) We have to help Paul, and it has nothing to do

with basketball.

IRENE stares at AGATHA, folding her arms across her chest.

IRENE: Define help.

AGATHA: I don’t know. I want to do something. I just don’t know what

it is yet. I want to make a stand, something. We have to show

Cromagnon that he can’t do this. He can’t break his own rules,

he can’t…

IRENE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you talking about?

AGATHA: Paul was trying to change and Dr. Creon walked all over

him.

IRENE: You want to go against Dr. Creon?

AGATHA: I don’t know. Maybe. Yes.

IRENE: (trying to leave) I am so out of here. Have a nice life.

AGATHA: Wait a second.

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IRENE: Have you thought about this? Like, actually thought?

AGATHA: I’m working on my feet here, Irene. I don’t know what I’m

thinking.

IRENE: You’ll probably get expelled too. You do realize that? Dr. Creon

will toss you out of here like yesterday’s trash!

AGATHA: I'm not afraid of him.

IRENE: Won’t that like, completely destroy, pulverize, and annihilate

your chances of getting that scholarship you’ve been drooling

after for four years?

AGATHA: I never thought of that.

IRENE: Well????

AGATHA: Yeah I guess they won’t give it to me if I get expelled.

IRENE: And it doesn’t bother you that you’re ruining your entire life?

AGATHA: It’s not my entire life…

IRENE: Have you totally completely absolutely lost your mind!

AGATHA: Are you with me?

IRENE: Are you nuts?

AGATHA: I want you to help me. The more people we have, the better.

The more -

IRENE: (interrupting) You want me to go against Dr. Creon? I don't

think so.

AGATHA: What are you afraid of?

IRENE: Agatha. I have my whole high school life ahead of me. If I

screw up now, that is going to ruin everything I I I I do for the rest of

my life. You want me to ruin my life over Paul and Elliot?

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AGATHA: They’re your brothers.

IRENE: They’re pigs. I like, have trouble keeping my lunch down just

thinking about them.

AGATHA: But…

IRENE: But nothing. I have to get back to my friends.

IRENE starts to leave. AGATHA calls after her.

AGATHA: It doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t want your help.

Something in AGATHA’s voice stops IRENE. She turns back.

IRENE: I’m not going to tell anyone about what you’re doing. Rumours

spread too fast around here.

AGATHA: Go ahead. Say what you like. Tell the whole world.

IRENE: I can’t believe you’re being so stupid, Aggie. You'll like, be

finished before you begin.

IRENE exits.

AGATHA: (calling out after her) Double traitor! I knew you wouldn’t,

like, help!

��

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TTTTRUERUERUERUE ANDANDANDAND L L L LEGITEGITEGITEGIT

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Flaky Lips GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Drama TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 4:30

————————


Two young women live in racially separated societies. There is a wall between the two towns. Circumstances in their respective homes have forced the girls out and up to the hills. This is the first time they have come into contact. They are initially frightened but curiosity gets the better of them.


Decide on the dimensions of the wall between them. How high is it? Remember that the girls cannot see each other. Practice the scene using a real wall. It will help you get into the habit of not locking eyes with your partner.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the situation, while beyond our reality, is very real for the two girls. There shouldn’t be any tongue-in-cheek tone in their dialogue.

———————— TRUE and LEGIT both approach the wall carefully from their respective sides.

BOTH: I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid.

LEGIT: What happened on your side?

TRUE: I don’t know. It just…

LEGIT: And then…

TRUE: Yes. What about yours?

LEGIT: Something. Don’t know. Why did you come here?

TRUE: To get away.

LEGIT: So I wouldn’t get sick.

TRUE: To be clean.

LEGIT: And breathe pure air.

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TRUE: And not think about sickness.

LEGIT: Yes and…

TRUE: Exactly so.

BOTH: Have you ever been this close to the wall before?

TRUE: Never.

LEGIT: Only from a distance.

TRUE: Only from town.

LEGIT: It’s so…

TRUE: Yes.

LEGIT: You know?

TRUE: Built with our blood.

LEGIT: And our sweat.

TRUE: You didn’t build it. We did.

LEGIT: That’s not what I know.

TRUE: Every night before we go to bed.

LEGIT: We pray to the wall.

TRUE: No you don’t! That’s what we do.

LEGIT: We say “Thank you for keeping us in.”

TRUE: “Thank you for keeping them out.”

LEGIT: It can’t be exactly that. It can’t be exactly what we say.

TRUE: You must have stolen it from us. Long ago I mean.

LEGIT: Maybe you overheard it.

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TRUE: Maybe you talk in your sleep.

LEGIT: Maybe you heard it on the wind. (imitating the wind) Thank

yoooooooouuuuuuuu.

TRUE: (as an echo) For keeping, keeping, keeping meeeeeeeee

iiiiiiiiiiiiin.

Both girls giggle for a second.

LEGIT: I… I mean… What do you… I’ve always… forget it.

TRUE: What do I what?

LEGIT: I… Forget it.

TRUE: What? What do I what?

LEGIT: Nothing.

TRUE: Come on.

LEGIT: My mother says I ask too many questions.

TRUE: My father says I question everything.

LEGIT: I like… I used to like questions.

TRUE: Go ahead.

LEGIT: I’m always… I’ve always… What do you look like?

TRUE: What do you mean, what do I look like?

LEGIT: What do you think I mean. What do you look like? Your looks.

What are they like?

TRUE: What do you look like?

BOTH: In my dreams you look like… like… in my dreams there is no…

no separate nothing separate no wall. I don’t know what you

look like sound like I can only… only think. Imagine. I have no

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pictures. Nothing to go on. In my dreams there are no pictures.

Only words. Big scary words and I can only imagine… I only

have nightmare vision and sometimes…

LEGIT: Sometimes my imagination gets away from me.

TRUE: I look ordinary. Like a girl. Like everybody looks like. Like girls

look like anyway.

LEGIT: How many fingers do you have?

TRUE: Ten. How many toes do you have?

LEGIT: Ten. Where’s your mouth?

TRUE: On my face. Do you have a heart?

LEGIT: Of course. Do you?

TRUE: In my chest. Where’s yours?

LEGIT: Same place. I got lots of stuff inside of me. My lungs, my

stomach, my spleen…

TRUE: What’s a spleen?

LEGIT: I don’t know. My dad always talks about it. Says I'm jumping up

and down on his spleen when I get on his nerves. Don’t you have

one?

TRUE: No. It sounds disgusting. We don't have spleens over here.

Where is it?

LEGIT: Somewhere inside me. I guess. Do you have any brothers or

sisters?

TRUE: I have two brothers and a sister.

LEGIT: I have two sisters and a brother.

TRUE: My brother smells. He’s on the track team and he smells. He

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never washes his stuff. I have to plug my nose when I go by his

room. I always know where he is in the house. Just follow the

stench.

LEGIT: My sister smells. Her room stinks. She’s always putting on that

free perfume you get in magazines. And she’s always stealing the

little sample bottles you can get. She mixes them all together - it’s

not pretty.

TRUE: You sound like me.

LEGIT: My grandmother says your voices come from the depths of hell.

TRUE: My grandmother says you stole your voices from the angels.

That’s why they sound so scratchy.

LEGIT: Does my voice sound scratchy?

TRUE: No. But you could be trying to trick me.

BOTH: You could be telling truth from flaky lips.

TRUE: If only I could believe you. Then I could…

LEGIT: What?

TRUE: Nothing.

LEGIT: What if there was some proof?

TRUE: What kind of proof?

LEGIT: How tall are you?

TRUE: I don’t know. Tallish. Not as tall as my brothers. I’m taller than

my mother. Just this year I can put my chin on her head.

LEGIT: Can you reach up? Against the wall.

TRUE: I guess.

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LEGIT: So show me your hand. I’ll show you mine if you show me

yours.

TRUE: I guess.

LEGIT: You do have hands don’t you?

TRUE: (petulant) Yes. Two of them. Do you have two?

LEGIT: (looking at her hands) One. Two. Yep I got ‘em. That way we’ll

know. If we’re the same, our hands should be the same right?

TRUE: I guess.

LEGIT: That’s truth. Truth is what you see in front of your face right?

TRUE: I guess.

LEGIT: You got a face right?

TRUE: I said so didn’t I?

LEGIT: Ok. On the count of three reach up and we’ll see what’s what.

TRUE: Ok.

LEGIT: Ready?

BOTH: One. Two. Three.

They both reach up to the top of the wall.

��

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MMMMADELINEADELINEADELINEADELINE ANDANDANDAND S S S SANDYANDYANDYANDY

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Body Body GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Seriocomic TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 2:15

————————


The scene takes place in Madeline’s bedroom. Madeline and Sandy are both 10 years old. They have been dieting in order to get “model-like” figures.


Even though some of the things the girls say are rather scary considering their age, they are sincere. At the beginning of the scene they only see the good in their dieting tactics and none of the bad. The drama in the scene comes as Madeline’s hunger takes over and she cares more about food than being a model. At that point, allow the motivations of the girls to really clash.

———————— MADELINE paces impatiently. SANDY runs into the room.

MADELINE: Did anyone see you?

SANDY: Uh uh.

MADELINE: Did you get it?

SANDY: (she pulls out a magazine) Tada!

MADELINE: Cosmo. Let me see!

SANDY: Ah ah ah. Not so fast. Did you stick to the pact?

MADELINE: Of course.

SANDY: What did you eat for dinner?

MADELINE: Practically nothing. Baked potato. No butter. Yick.

SANDY: I had carrot sticks at lunch and today was even hot dog day.

All the kids were stuffing their faces and there were even seconds.

Roger Grieco had thirds!

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MADELINE: I love hot dogs. My mom said my face looked thin this

morning.

SANDY: My mom's all in a tizzy 'cause I kind of fainted in gym class.

She doesn't think kids should diet.

MADELINE: We're not dieting. We just want to look like that. (referring

to the magazine)

BOTH: (with worship) Cosmo.

SANDY: My sister will kill me if she finds out I took it.

MADELINE: Emily keeps hers under lock and key.

SANDY: We have to be really careful with it. Do you have any gloves?

MADELINE: No. We'll put it in the middle of the floor and turn the

pages really slowly.

SANDY: Ok.

MADELINE: Emily says I'm too young to read Cosmo.

SANDY: Emily's a toad face.

MADELINE: She never eats baked potatoes without butter. She could

be a model.

SANDY: We're going to be models. We're going to be Cosmo models.

MADELINE: (looking at magazine) What do you think goes on in there?

SANDY: Women stuff.

MADELINE: I don't know if I want to be a woman. Everyone had roast

beef and mashed potatoes and gravy at dinner.

SANDY: Would you stop talking about food?

MADELINE: But I'm so hungry, Sandy. My stomach is growling all the

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time.

SANDY: We don't care, remember? Shannon said…

MADELINE: There's apple pie in the fridge.

SANDY: Shannon said we'd never be good enough, we don't have it in

the looks department and we'll always have big butts. We have to

prove her wrong. We're going to be models and this is what

everyone does to be models.

MADELINE: Ok. Ok.

The girls stand and act as if they are looking at themselves in a mirror.

SANDY: Isn't it worth it? Don't we look good?

MADELINE: …I… Let's look at the magazine. (They both sit on the floor

with the magazine in front of them.) Do you think we can lose

thirty pounds in thirty days?

SANDY: Of course. Cosmo wouldn't lie. (as MADELINE goes to turn the

page) Don't touch! (SANDY turns the page)

BOTH: Ooooooh.

MADELINE: Look at her. How did she get into that position?

SANDY: You're not supposed to look at the position. You're supposed

to look at the lipstick. (hearing a noise) What's that?

MADELINE: My stomach. Sandy, I can't do this. I'm too hungry.

SANDY: You can't quit. No one will love you if you're fat. You'll never

get a husband or a job.

MADELINE: I want apple pie.

SANDY: We made a pact. We're going to look like models and you're

wimping out.

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MADELINE: Why do I have to look like a model?

SANDY: Do you see any fat people in Cosmo?

MADELINE: No.

SANDY: Do you want to be the odd one out?

MADELINE: I don't know.

SANDY: Do you want the whole world to laugh at you?

MADELINE: I don't know. Just shut up about it. (she kicks at the

magazine)

SANDY: You better not have ripped my sister's magazine or you're

gonna pay for another one.

MADELINE: Who cares? I don't want to do this anymore.

SANDY: You're never going to be a Cosmo model. Shannon was right

about you Fatty Flather.

MADELINE: Shut up!

SANDY: Fatty Flather! Fatty Flather!

SANDY runs off.

��

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JJJJANEANEANEANE ANDANDANDAND W W W WOMANOMANOMANOMAN W W W WHOHOHOHO W W W WALKSALKSALKSALKS

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Jealousy Jane GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 3:30

————————


Jane is attached to a “Jealousy Monster.” She has denied it so much that the monster has grown and taken control. At a Jealousy Monster’s ball, Jane meets another person with a monster.


The Woman Who Walks should have a 40’s film-noire flair about her. She’s mysterious and acts as if she’s in a different world. In contrast, Jane is modern and almost brash in her despair.

Play with the physical comedy of Jane constantly turning towards and away from the Woman Who Walks.

This scene marks a change in Jane as she finally admits to her jealous behaviour. Allow this revelation to be a moment of triumph for Jane.

———————— JANE gives a groan of despair.

JANE: Oh this is horrible. Horrible! If this monster is a part of me, then

I have some pretty awful parts to my personality. Can it be true?

No, I'm not a bad person. I have friends, I have… well I had

friends. The last time I talked to Bill I yelled at him. When was the

last time I talked to Bill? I can't even remember. (she looks at her

hand) Was my skin always this pale? I don't know, I… (she

yawns) I'm so tired. I wish Bill was here. I wish Betina was here. I

even wish Oscar was here. He would love this. I wish I could go

back to the beginning of this play and make different decisions.

How come we always know what to do too late?

The WOMAN WHO WALKS sashays in to stand by JANE. She is carrying a clutch purse. She does not look at JANE.

WWW: Pssst. Psssst!

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JANE: Huh?

WWW: Pssst.

JANE: (turning to WWW) Are you pssting me?

WWW: Don't look at me!

JANE: (turning away with a jerk) Why not?

WWW: We mustn’t arouse suspicion.

JANE: Why not? With who?

WWW: The monsters of course.

JANE: (turning to WWW) The -

WWW: Don't look at me!

JANE: (looking away from WWW) Sorry. (The WWW doesn’t say

anything.) Ah, what can I do for you?

WWW: I can't help but notice that you have a monster attached to you.

JANE: Can't help but notice? (raising her voice) Are you demented?

WWW: Shhhh!!

JANE: (turning to WWW) Sorry, sorry.

WWW: Don’t look at me!

JANE: (turning from WWW) Ok. Yes I have a monster.

WWW: Why don't you control it?

JANE: I would if I could.

WWW: So why don't you?

JANE: Look lady you obviously have no idea what I'm going through so

-

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WWW: I have a monster.

JANE: (raising her voice) What?

WWW: Shh! Shh!

JANE: (turning to WWW) Sorry.

WWW: Don't look at me! I have a monster too.

JANE: You do? Where is it then? Where’s your rope?

WWW: I have no rope.

JANE: Then how can you have a monster?

WWW: It’s in here.

JANE: Where?

WWW: Here. (She holds out her purse)

JANE: There?

WWW: Go ahead. Open it.

JANE: (looking inside the purse) How did you do that? How did you get

it so small?

WWW: I took control of the little creep. I showed it who was boss and

shrunk it down to size.

JANE: Wow. That’s amazing. But I thought they were impossible to get

rid of.

WWW: Who told you that?

JANE: My monster.

WWW: Of course it did. It wants you helpless and hopeless.

JANE: That’s how I feel, all right.

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WWW: (whispering) Psssst.

JANE: (whispering) What?

WWW: (whispering) You can do it too.

JANE: (whispering) Do what?

WWW: Shrink your monster.

JANE: I can't.

WWW: You can.

JANE: I'm telling you I can't. It’s got my script and I can't even get a

word in edgewise.

WWW: You must fight, Jane. That is the only way. Otherwise you will

lose yourself completely. Soon the monster will not be satisfied

with being on the end of a rope, dragging you around. It will

want to come closer and closer. It will want to take over

completely. There’ll be nothing left of you.

JANE: (with horror) Just like the circus barker said.

WWW: Pardon?

JANE: Nothing. I don’t want to disappear. Tell me what I have to do.

WWW: Name it. That is the first step.

JANE: If I name it, that means I admit I'm a jealous person.

WWW: Aren't you?

JANE: Maybe a little bit. I haven't been very nice to my friends and

family. I can't help it. Sometimes it’s just like punching out, only

I'm not hitting anything. It’s like I'm lashing out with words and

thoughts and hate. I hate it when other people do better than me.

I hate it that my sister is so pretty. When other girls talk to Bill, I

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instantly assume there’s something going on. I'm so afraid he’s

going to leave me and after everything that’s happened I

wouldn’t be surprised if he does. It’s all my fault. I am a jealous

person.

WWW: Say it Jane, say it!

JANE: I am Jealousy Jane!

��

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AAAAGATHAGATHAGATHAGATHA ANDANDANDAND E E E EUNICEUNICEUNICEUNICE

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Agatha Rex GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 3:30

————————


Agatha and Eunice wait for the arrival of Dr. Creon, the principal. Agatha is being punished for wearing a hat in school. Eunice, the hall monitor, guards Agatha.


Agatha is finding a freedom in expressing her thoughts: this is a new frame of mind for her. Allow Agatha to find joy in her new freedom.

In comparison, Eunice is a rigid, tense character. Eunice is more afraid for Agatha than Agatha is.

Think about how you can present these characters physically. How will you show Agatha’s freedom and Eunice’s rigidity?

———————— EUNICE stares at AGATHA. AGATHA stares back, amused.

AGATHA: Do you always do this?

EUNICE: What?

AGATHA: Stare.

EUNICE: What are you talking about?

AGATHA: Do you always stare at the person sitting in this chair waiting

to see Dr. Creon? It’s very intimidating.

EUNICE: Are you insulting me?

AGATHA: On the contrary. I think it’s quite hard for some people to

look intimidating. You do it well.

EUNICE: If you took the cap off now, you might only get away with a

warning.

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AGATHA: No thanks.

EUNICE: Suit yourself.

There is a moment of silence. AGATHA starts to hum to herself. This confuses EUNICE. She doesn’t know why AGATHA isn’t afraid. She seems even more confused when AGATHA breaks out into a song.

EUNICE: (cutting her off) Agatha!!

AGATHA: Oops sorry. Is there a rule about singing? I must have

forgot. It’s just that the rulebook is so very heavy; it’s a little hard

to carry around. I promise I won’t do it again.

EUNICE: You don't seem to realize the severity of the situation.

AGATHA: We haven't talked in a long time, have we?

EUNICE: What?

AGATHA: We used to talk. We used to have some pretty great

conversations. You must remember the sixth grade lunchroom.

(EUNICE’s expression does not change.) Don’t you?

EUNICE: I have no recollection of that time.

AGATHA: Really? That’s too bad. I have a lot of fond memories of

“that time.” I guess it has been awhile. Still, we did lead some of

the most legendary food fights in the history of the school. You

have to remember that.

EUNICE: I guess we run in different circles these days.

AGATHA: I guess. Do you know where you’re headed next year?

EUNICE: No.

AGATHA: Me neither. My mom wants me to go to Vassar. But that’s

just because she went there, which is a good reason, I guess. I

mean I like the school and I don’t want to not go there just

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because she went there, but still…

EUNICE: It would be best if you sat still and didn’t talk.

AGATHA: Do you ever think of breaking rules?

EUNICE: What are you talking about?

AGATHA: Rules. Do you ever think about not following them? Moving

in the opposite direction. Breaking them.

EUNICE: Agatha! (in an agonized whisper) He's right through that

door.

AGATHA: I'm not doing anything! All I did was ask if you thought about

breaking the rules. I didn't ask you to break anything. You don't

have to do anything you don't want to.

EUNICE: That’s right.

AGATHA: But do you never…

EUNICE: Never.

AGATHA: Never?

EUNICE: No.

AGATHA: No impulses to throw Jell-O around the cafeteria?

EUNICE: No.

AGATHA: No desire to un-tuck a shirt or slouch one of your socks.

EUNICE: No!

AGATHA: Why not?

EUNICE: Agatha!

AGATHA: There's a certain power about it, you know. Thinking about

breaking the rules. I feel pretty good about it. There’s nothing

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wrong with thinking, you know. It’s just ideas floating around in

my brain. I've been thinking about the uniform. I mean, I agree

with the theory but does it really put everyone on an even keel?

EUNICE: You should stop talking right now.

AGATHA: Sometimes you have to take what you’re thinking very

seriously. Sometimes you have to act on what you’re thinking

about and there’s nothing wrong with that either.

EUNICE: I haven’t the slightest idea -

AGATHA: (interrupting) What I’m doing. What am I doing here? Am I

cheating on a test? Am I failing school? Am I breaking windows?

Am I hurting anyone? Am I torturing small animals? None of the

above. Nobody does that around here. And it got me to thinking

even more.

EUNICE: You want people to torture small animals?

AGATHA: All I am doing is wearing a hat. Why is it that I can get into

just as much trouble wearing a hat as I could for torturing a small

animal? What does that mean?

EUNICE: Rules are rules for a reason. The uniform is set for a reason.

AGATHA: I suppose. But I've been thinking I don't like these rules

anymore.

��

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��

Scenes for One Man and One Woman ��


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JJJJAKEAKEAKEAKE ANDANDANDAND B B B BEEBEEEEBEEEEBEEEEBEE

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: The Bright Blue Mailbox Suicide Note GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Drama TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 3:20

————————


Jake has learned that his best friend Ken tried to commit suicide and he’s having trouble dealing with the information. He goes to a crisis centre for some help and is surprised to see Beebee working there. In their circle of friends, Beebee is the flaky space cadet. Here she seems like a different person.


Neither Jake nor Beebee is happy to see the other. Explore the shock of the moment when they see each other for the first time.

It’s easier to understand Jake’s reaction because he’s always known Beebee to be flighty. But why is Beebee upset? Why does she want to keep her job a secret? Why does she present herself to her friends as a space cadet?

Jake is frustrated in this scene. He’s dealing with his guilt over not helping his friend, and Beebee won’t give him any answers.

———————— JAKE enters the crisis centre. He approaches the back of a girl, who is dealing with a client.

JAKE: Excuse me. Is this the crisis centre?

BEEBEE turns.

BEEBEE: Jake?

JAKE: Beebee?

BEEBEE: (to client) Mr. Arscott, why don't you go into the lounge? The

group's waiting for you. (she watches the man go)

JAKE: What are you doing here?

BEEBEE: I work here. (There is a pause as JAKE stares at BEEBEE.) What

do you want, Jake? I'm busy.

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JAKE: You work at a crisis centre.

BEEBEE: Don't sound so surprised.

JAKE: I'm not surprised… it’s just that…

BEEBEE: I'm too flaky to stop people from committing suicide.

JAKE: I didn't say that.

BEEBEE: You don't have to. Don't worry; I'm only the receptionist. I

make coffee. I answer phones. I type. And, on rare occasions, I

read tarot cards.

JAKE: Really?

BEEBEE: The clients want to know if everything is going to be all right.

(she turns to talk to a doctor) Yes Dr. Mott? Not yet, I'll let you

know as soon as she comes in.

JAKE: Beebee, why didn't you tell anyone you work here?

BEEBEE: Because.

JAKE: I mean, you sound so normal… I didn't mean that you're usually

not normal… Oh for God's sake Beebee! You're the weirdest

person I know! You talk to spirits in the walls, your hair changes

colour every second day, you're a vegetarian - what am I

supposed to think?

BEEBEE: Ken knows.

JAKE: What?

BEEBEE: Ken knows I work here.

JAKE: How come he never said anything… Oh. I guess he wouldn't.

BEEBEE: Don't worry. He was as surprised as you the first time he

walked in here.

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JAKE: You should have told me he was feeling… that he was…

BEEBEE: He didn't want you to know.

JAKE: Did he talk to you?

BEEBEE: A bit.

JAKE: Why did he come here? What did he say?

BEEBEE: I can't tell you.

JAKE: But I'm his friend.

BEEBEE: It's not my place to…

JAKE: I'm his friend, not you. Why do you get to know and I don't?

BEEBEE: Because I am not here for you. This room holds a lot of secrets

and it's part of my job not to spread them around. If there are

things you think you have a right to know, well, that's between

you and Ken. I won't tell his secrets. Not to you. Not to anyone.

JAKE: I'm not a bad person, Beebee. But nothing is the way it used to

be. It's all slipping through my fingers… Two summers ago, we

were at his parents’ cottage. It was dark, we had just watched the

sun go down. Ken was really moody. You know how he gets…

And I always left him alone. It was the best. I thought it was the

best way to deal with it. We’re sitting in the dark and he says out

of the blue, “Have you ever thought about killing yourself?” I

think I made a joke – “Are you going to hang yourself over that

babe at the bait shop, Ken?” He laughed and never mentioned it

again. I never knew he was serious. I didn’t know. If I had

known…

BEEBEE: Why did you come here, Jake?

JAKE: I don't know. I wanted somebody, professional…

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BEEBEE: Do you want to talk to someone… I can…

JAKE: No. No, I don't know why I came. Thanks anyway.

BEEBEE: Jake. He doesn't blame you, he blames himself. Don't forget

that.

JAKE: But he's the greatest guy! Why would he want…

BEEBEE: You better go. Don't tell anyone you saw me here, ok?

BEEBEE exits, leaving JAKE alone on stage.

��

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SSSSHELLEYHELLEYHELLEYHELLEY ANDANDANDAND B B B BENENENEN

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Deck the Stage! GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Seriocomic TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 5:00

————————


The scene is the kitchen in the home of Shelley Langford. It is just before Christmas. She and Ben have been working on a project together.


Ben is a non-stop talker while Shelley is practically silent. In the course of the play we learn the reason. Why does Shelley feel she cannot accept the present? Does she feel she doesn’t deserve any happiness that can’t be shared with her mom?

What does Ben like about Shelley? Does he love her? Has he ever bought a gift for a girl before? What did he imagine would happen when he gave her the present?

———————— SHELLEY and BEN sit at a table. BEN reaches under the table, pulls out a small present, and puts it on the table.

SHELLEY: What's that?

BEN: What?

SHELLEY: That.

BEN: Oh that. I believe it's called a Christmas present.

SHELLEY: I know what it is. What's it doing on the table?

BEN: Ok, you caught me. I thought ‘tis the season and we've been

working on this project and after next week it'll be all over and I

just wanted to give you a little something, a little present, a

Christmas thing. Merry Christmas!

SHELLEY: I didn't get you anything.

BEN: I didn't expect anything.

SHELLEY continues to stare at the package.

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BEN: Aren't you going to open it?

SHELLEY: No.

BEN: I understand. You're a traditionalist. A woman after my own

heart. Christmas presents should be opened on Christmas day.

SHELLEY: No, that's not what I meant. This was a very nice idea but I

can't accept it.

BEN: What are you talking about?

SHELLEY: Take it back please.

BEN: Take it back? You're rejecting a present? You haven't even seen it

yet! Take it back? I've never heard of this. Sure, I've done the ugly

sweater return, but at least I opened the box and saw it was a

sweater and went, "gee what a neat sweater" a couple of times.

Are you trying to pulverize my heart into tiny bits?

SHELLEY: It's your own fault. If you had asked, I would have told you

not to.

BEN: And why is that?

SHELLEY: We don't celebrate Christmas.

BEN: Oh. (a thought hits him) Oh! (he hits himself on the head) I am

such an idiot. Oh wow. I feel so stupid. What an idiot. I didn't

know.

SHELLEY: Now you do.

BEN: I didn't clue in. Shelley Langford doesn't sound like a Jewish

name. There I go making assumptions. I'm always doing that.

SHELLEY: Who's Jewish?

BEN: You are. That's why you don't celebrate Christmas, right?

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SHELLEY: I'm not Jewish.

BEN: Oh.

SHELLEY: Shall we get started? I did some more research on the

economical -

BEN: (a thought just hitting him) Oh! Oh!! Oh!!!

SHELLEY: What?

BEN: I get it now.

SHELLEY: Get what?

BEN: That's what's missing here. There's no tree! There's no wreaths!

There's no Christmas decorations of any kind. You'd never know

it was December. You know, my uncle has a tree farm and I can

probably get you a pretty good deal. Maybe I can get you one for

free, who knows. I kinda forgot his birthday this year so I'm not

exactly in the good books…

SHELLEY: (loudly) Ben! (a little more quietly) If we wanted a tree we'd

have one. We don't. Ok?

BEN: Riiiiiight. It's the commercial thing isn't it?

SHELLEY gives a little groan of frustration.

BEN: You seem like the kind of girl, um, woman, who would really

shun all that money jive. I totally agree, people spending too

much money, once a year, going totally crazy on things they

don't need instead of spending good decent quality time with

their families and…

SHELLEY: Look, will you shut up! Just shut up!

BEN: You don't have to shout.

SHELLEY: Then shut up about Christmas. Ok? Just do your work and

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get out of here and leave me alone.

BEN: You are trying to pulverize my heart into tiny bits.

SHELLEY: I am not.

BEN: All I did was spend five minutes picking out something nice for

you. I wrapped it myself. I thought I was doing a nice thing.

SHELLEY: You did.

BEN: Then open it, say “Gee what a neat sweater!” and I won't say

another word.

SHELLEY: I can't.

BEN: Then give me a good reason why not. (SHELLEY doesn't say

anything) You know, I defend you a lot at school. I. Me. I have

come to your defence. You've got a pretty messy reputation.

“Cold fish” comes up a lot. So does “snob,” “pretentious” and

“stuck-up.” “No, no,” I say, “She's funny. She's ok. She's just new,

she doesn't know many people. She's just shy.” Obviously I've

been the biggest fool ‘cause obviously everyone is right about

you and I just couldn't see it.

SHELLEY runs from the room. BEN takes a big breath.

BEN: Damn. Merry Christmas.

He sighs and calls out.

BEN: I’ll let myself out.

He starts to exit when SHELLEY runs back on with a picture in her hands.

SHELLEY: You don't get off that easy. Sit down!

BEN: I've said all I want to say.

SHELLEY: I haven't even started. Sit down. (She holds the picture in front

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of his face) Ask me who's in the picture.

BEN: Shelley…

SHELLEY: Ask!

BEN: Who's in the picture?

SHELLEY: That's my dad. Pretty handsome guy, don't you think? Ask

where he is.

BEN: Maybe I should -

SHELLEY: Ask where he is! Come on, you wanted to talk; ask where he

is.

BEN: Where's your dad?

SHELLEY: I don't know. Isn't that funny? Isn't that a scream? I don't

know. Two years ago he went to work on Christmas Eve and he

never came home.

BEN: I'm sorry.

SHELLEY: Don't be. He stole money from his company and ran away

with the boss' secretary. Merry Christmas! That's our nearest

guess anyway. No one knows for sure because there hasn't been

one word. Not one. Not a letter. Not a telegram. Not a postcard.

Not an answering machine message. Nothing. He left us with

debts up to our ears, and we didn't even get a goodbye. How's

your dad? Is he alive? Does he talk to you every day?

BEN: Loudly.

SHELLEY: Well good, ‘cause let me tell you; around here there isn't

much talking. Around here, we bounce from apartment to

apartment and my mom tries to keep working but she's not very

strong. My dad knew that. And he left. So you'll have to excuse

me if I'm cold, or distant, or pretentious. But my mind's a little full

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‘cause I only got three hours of sleep after working the night shift

at the 7-11. And I could really give a crap about Christmas

because all it means is that my father didn't love my mother and

he didn't love me.

��

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CCCCHANTICLEERHANTICLEERHANTICLEERHANTICLEER ANDANDANDAND P P P PERTELOTEERTELOTEERTELOTEERTELOTE

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: The Canterbury Tales originally by Geoffrey Chaucer GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 4:00

————————


This scene is taken from one of the stories in The Canterbury Tales, by Geoffrey Chaucer. Chanticleer is a vain rooster who gets caught by a fox and needs to trick the fox to be set free. This moment is between the rooster and his love, Pertelote, a hen.


This is a scene of high romance. The acting should be stylized instead of realistic. Think big gestures and exaggerated emotional choices.

Also, think about how you will physicalize the two characters since they are animals. How will you balance the human and animal characteristics?

Pertelote believes hens are upper-class, while chickens are lower-class. See how often she falls into “chicken-like” behaviour.

———————— CHANTICLEER the rooster enters and gives a loud 'cock-a-doodle-do.' He's very vain and proud of himself. CHANTICLEER begins to sing, showing off his lovely voice. This brings PERTELOTE, the hen, to his side.

CHANTICLEER: (singing) Hey troly loly lo, maid where do you go?

I go to the meadow to milk my cow.

PERTELOTE: My dearest sweetheart, that was ever so beautiful.

CHANTICLEER: Thank you, lady Pertelote. The notes come out so

because they are all for you.

The two coo at each other. Then CHANTICLEER turns away and gives a melodramatic groan.

PERTELOTE: My darling dear! What noise is this? What ails you to

groan so?

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CHANTICLEER: Dear madam, it is not grief that causes me to groan.

PERTELOTE: Oh thank heavens, my sweet.

CHANTICLEER: It is something much worse than grief.

PERTELOTE: (screeching like a chicken) Beloved! (she clears her throat)

Beloved. What could be worse than grief?

CHANTICLEER: I dreamt last night that a loathsome beast came into

the yard. The sound alone froze me to the spot as it leapt from

the darkness and attacked me! I awoke in the middle of the

night, drenched in the sweat of horror. I cannot remove that

dream from my conscious mind. It is with me wherever I go. I

move to the left, it is there. I move to the right, it is there! Now my

body is locked in a foul prison! Now dread fear has lodged itself

in my throat. That is what causes me to groan with despair.

CHANTICLEER gives a particularly spectacular groan, which gets cut off when he sees PERTELOTE looking at him in disbelief.

PERTELOTE: You are afraid of a dream?

CHANTICLEER: Yes.

PERTELOTE: A dream?

CHANTICLEER: It was a particularly scary dream.

PERTELOTE: And what did this monster look like?

CHANTICLEER: I am not sure. It was dark. It sounded extremely scary,

though. It sounded as if it were going to rip me to shreds!

CHANTICLEER tries again to groan but the groan is cut off when PERTELOTE snorts in disbelief.

CHANTICLEER: Surely you do not want your Chanticleer to be ripped

to shreds.

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PERTELOTE: (turning away) You have lost, my love!

CHANTICLEER: (trying to draw her back) My Cherub!

PERTELOTE: Do not touch me, my once true passion.

CHANTICLEER: But why?

PERTELOTE: I cannot love a coward.

CHANTICLEER: Dear heart, how can you say that to me?

PERTELOTE: Every chick- (she clears her throat) every hen dreams of

the day that she can marry a rooster who is hardy, wise,

trustworthy, not a fool and not afraid of dreams. (she screeches

the last few words like a chicken then clears her throat) Have you

not a man's heart?

CHANTICLEER: Of course I do.

PERTELOTE: Then how can you fear a harmless dream?

CHANTICLEER: But if you had heard the noise of the loathsome beast

you…

PERTELOTE: Everyone knows that dreams are not to be taken seriously.

They are caused by problems elsewhere in the body. Surely this

bad dream is nothing but a case of indigestion.

CHANTICLEER: Really my pet? Do you think so?

PERTELOTE: Indigestion has caused many a man to groan and cry in

the middle of the night. Sir Chanticleer, fly from this perch at

once. Do not groan; take a laxative.

CHANTICLEER: Madam I thank you for your words. Nonetheless, no

man should be so reckless as to dismiss his dreams. It has been

said dreams foretell the future for heroes. This dream could be a

warning, a hero's warning.

PERTELOTE laughs. She pretends it’s a cough.

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PERTELOTE: My darling, dearest, dear. Take my advice. Take the

appropriate herbal seasonings. Purge your innards and you will

have these dreams no longer.

CHANTICLEER: Love of my life. Pearl of my oysters. Peach among

plums. I honour your words with every breath in my body.

However, I put no trust in laxatives. They taste funny.

PERTELOTE: But my treasure…

CHANTICLEER: Let us talk no more of this. For at this very moment I

have no need of any herbal purging. With one look at your

beautiful face, all my fears instantly vanish. It has often been

said, and in Latin too, that a woman is a man's joy and all his

bliss. With you by my side I am filled with such joy and such bliss;

I will groan no more and think not of dreams.

PERTELOTE: What a sweet thing to say.

CHANTICLEER: I defy all dreams and visions!

PERTELOTE: Oh my dear.

CHANTICLEER: My darling.

PERTELOTE: Oh my dearest darling.

CHANTICLEER: My darling dear!

They coo at each other and finish in a pose of high romance.

��

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JJJJILLILLILLILL ANDANDANDAND J J J JACKACKACKACK

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Free — Version 1 GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Seriocomic TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 4:00

————————


The scene is a hillside on the outskirts of a small town. The town has been suffering a depression ever since the lone factory shut down. Jill is the mayor’s daughter and lives a somewhat privileged life. Jack is from the “wrong side of the tracks” but is trying to turn his life around. A huge picnic covers the hill. There is a sign that says, “Free Food.”

AAAACTINGCTINGCTINGCTING H H H HINTSINTSINTSINTS::::

Jack and Jill are very comfortable with each other. They have a good relationship. How can you show this through their actions?

Jill comes from privilege while Jack has had a much harder time with life. His mother is quite ill. Later in the play Jack considers rejecting his scholarship in order to stay closer to home. Keep the social status of the characters in mind as you work on the piece.

———————— JILL enters the space. She does not see the food. She has been running and throws her arms into the air.

JILL: I win!

JILL does a little victory dance. She turns to look offstage.

JILL: Jack? Come on, it's not that steep. Use your arms. I didn't say use

your finger, I said use your arms.

JACK crawls on stage, wheezing.

JILL: Took you long enough.

JACK: I'm not a runner, you know. (He collapses onto the floor)

JILL: Victorious again!

JACK: Oxygen. O2. Air! (He frantically gulps in air)

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JILL: Don't gulp like that. You have to breathe normally.

JACK: What do you think I'm trying to do? Stop grinning at me.

JILL: Don't you like my "winning" smile?

JACK: (still wheezing) You had a head start.

JILL: I had no such thing. (She starts to tickle JACK)

JACK: Don't do that! My lungs already feel like they're going to

explode.

JILL: I won fair and square and you're just mad ‘cause I beat you.

Again.

JACK: You're such a sore winner.

JILL: You're just sore.

JACK: (he groans) Did I mention I'm not a runner?

JILL: It's good for you.

JACK: So are Brussels sprouts.

JILL: Yeck.

JACK: Brussels sprouts are very good for you.

JILL: There's a huge difference. Running is good for you and it's fun.

JACK: Fun? Having my lungs come out my nose is fun?

JILL: Brussels sprouts are good for you and they taste like crap.

JACK: Nice mouth.

JILL: It's your own fault. I was a proper young lady before I met you.

JACK: You were a stuck-up snot.

JILL: Huh! (She pushes him over) Catch me if you can!

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JILL runs across the stage and is immediately stopped by the sight of the food.

JACK: No more running! Can't we jog? Or saunter? How about a

casual meander? (he sees the food) Wow!

JILL: Uh huh.

JACK: Someone is in the mood for a mighty big chow down.

JILL: I've never seen so much food.

JACK: Me neither.

They both take a huge sniff.

BOTH: Wow.

JILL: I dreamt about going on a picnic last night. My stomach has been

growling like crazy all morning.

JILL: It smells so good.

JACK: Potato salad.

JILL: Strawberries.

JACK: Ham sandwiches.

JILL: Chocolate cake…

JACK: …with whipped cream.

JILL: You can't take whipped cream on a picnic. It'll spoil.

JACK: Does that smell spoiled to you?

JILL: Do you remember when we were younger, going on those church

picnics and we had to eat tuna fish sandwiches with no

mayonnaise ‘cause mayo goes bad in the sun?

JACK: And the sandwiches were so dry.

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JILL: They just sat in your mouth. (she gives a sigh) Who do you think

it's for?

JACK: No one from our town.

JILL: Why?

JACK: Do you know anyone who could afford to buy all this stuff?

JILL: I guess not.

JACK: Besides, a person can't sneeze in their own bathroom around

here without at least one person finding out about it. If someone

had gone into the grocery store and bought this much food, we'd

have known.

JILL: So who's it for, then? And what's it doing on the hill? And why did

they leave it here?

JACK: (holding his head) Too… Many… Questions… Can't… Process…

Information.

JILL: Idiot.

JACK: What are you asking me for anyway? Am I wearing a sign that

says "Knower of all knowledge concerning abandoned picnics?"

JILL: Usually the sign says “Please look after this boy. He has trouble

spelling his own name and often forgets what country he's in.”

JACK starts to chase JILL. They stop on the other side of the picnic to see the “Free Food” sign.

JILL: What's that supposed to mean?

JACK: Free food.

JILL: I know what it says. But what does it mean?

JACK: I think, and I'm only taking a wild stab at this, but I think it

means the food is free.

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JILL: I know that!

JACK: See, I didn't get a scholarship for nothing.

JILL: But why is it free? And free for who?

JACK: For us.

JILL: Why us?

JACK: We found it.

JILL: That's too easy.

JACK: The chocolate cake is calling you.

JILL: It is not.

JACK: (in another voice) Eat me…

JILL: We come across an abandoned picnic…

JACK: Eat me…

JILL: …and a sign and all of a sudden the food is ours? It's weird.

JACK: Eat me…

JILL: It's not right.

JACK: Why not?

JILL: There's so much here. It's not just picnic food. There are dry goods

and canned veggies and fruit.

JACK: So?

JILL: So what?

JACK: So what do you want to do?

JILL: I don't know.

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JACK: The sign says free.

JILL: Nothing is free.

JACK: So, we don't take it. We can walk away and pretend we never

saw it.

JILL: But what if it goes bad? Then we're being wasteful.

JACK: So you don't want us to eat it?

JILL: No.

JACK: And you don't want to leave it?

JILL: No.

JACK: So… we give it away.

JILL: Yeah…

JACK: Would that appeal to your guilt-ridden sensibilities?

JILL: We'll take it down to the church. Set up a food bank!

JACK: Why not?

JILL: We'll give it to the town. What a great idea!

JACK: Thank you. Thank you very much. I think I deserve at least a

sandwich for my staggering intelligence.

JACK reaches for the food and JILL slaps his hand away.

JILL: Let's start with the baskets.

JILL gives JACK a hug.

��

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KKKKATHERYNEATHERYNEATHERYNEATHERYNE ANDANDANDAND T T T THOMASHOMASHOMASHOMAS

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Wenceslas GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Drama TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 3:00

————————


This play is based on the Christmas carol, “Good King Wenceslas.” Thomas is the poor man in the song who goes out into the cold to search for wood. In the play, Thomas is gathering the wood to build a fire for his wife, Katheryne, who is ill.


The style of the scene should be quite classical: there is almost a poetic quality to the dialogue. However, make sure you give the characters real emotions. Even if the dialogue isn’t modern, the relationship between the two is universal.

———————— KATHERYNE is lying down, covered in a threadbare blanket.

KATHERYNE: (calling offstage) Thomas? Thomas is that you?

THOMAS: (entering) I'm right here.

KATHERYNE: It’s so late.

THOMAS: The wind was a hard taskmaster tonight. I took one step

forward and it blew me four steps back. The wind and I danced

as such all the way home.

KATHERYNE: I wish you did not have to go all the way to the castle for

work.

THOMAS: I wish the same. But see what I have brought. The cook was

very kind.

THOMAS brings a small bag to her and sits on the side of the bed.

KATHERYNE: Bread and cheese.

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THOMAS: And a bit of ham as well.

KATHERYNE: And apples too! We must save this for tomorrow night.

We'll have our own feast, just as good as what they are serving

the King and Queen.

THOMAS: I wish it could be more. You’re shivering.

KATHERYNE: Not too much. This blanket keeps me warm.

THOMAS: This blanket is threadbare and worn.

KATHERYNE: Aye, but it will do me well.

THOMAS: How are you feeling?

KATHERYNE: Better. I think I'm getting better. (She coughs. It's harsh

and raspy.)

THOMAS: If only we could get a good fire and some good food into

you. You'd be up in no time. I know it.

KATHERYNE: I'm perfectly content.

THOMAS picks up the small bag and takes it off the bed. He turns away from KATHERYNE.

KATHERYNE: Thomas? What is the matter?

THOMAS: I have nothing to offer but some food scraps.

KATHERYNE: Have I asked for any more?

THOMAS: Never. It’s just that… another year has come and gone and

we are unable to celebrate.

KATHERYNE: We have each other.

THOMAS: I know. But I would like to give you so much more. I wish for

one year I could give you something. (he sighs) I wonder what

they are doing up at the castle. I saw them setting up for the

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feast. It's supposed to be very grand.

KATHERYNE: And wherefore did we not receive our invitation? Are we

not as grand as any Lord and Lady?

THOMAS: It must have been lost.

KATHERYNE: I can just imagine it all. Was the castle so beautiful?

THOMAS: Decorated from top to toe.

KATHERYNE: Wouldn't that be lovely to see.

THOMAS: One day you will.

KATHERYNE: If I close my eyes, I can be there right now. (she closes

her eyes) Oh yes, I see everything! Isn't it beautiful? Thomas,

close your eyes.

THOMAS: Katheryne…

KATHERYNE: Close your eyes. (he does) Can you see it?

THOMAS: Katheryne I can't…

KATHERYNE: Look, a roaring fire right in front of you. I can feel the

heat on my toes. Oh! Watch out for flying sparks. And the walls

are covered in greenery and candlelight. The table groans under

the weight of all the good food. And the smells. Tell me what you

smell.

THOMAS: Ummmmm, let me think. Roast goose.

KATHERYNE: And turkey.

THOMAS: And ham. All on the same table.

KATHERYNE: Plum pudding.

THOMAS: Gravy. And potatoes.

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KATHERYNE: Baked apples - too many to count. And look! Here come

the King and Queen. Aren’t they lovely? Can you hear the

music? Beautiful! Oh Thomas! Dance with me.

THOMAS: Are you up for it?

KATHERYNE: I am, oh I am! I want to dance.

THOMAS: But what about our clothes?

KATHERYNE: Pish pish Master Thomas! You, of course, are wearing a

royal blue doublet and I have a shimmering gold sheath made

especially for the occasion.

THOMAS: (bowing) M’Lady, would you care to dance?

KATHERYNE: (with a curtsey) Why thank you, M’Lord.

THOMAS sings a song and the two of them begin to dance. They laugh and dance and fall over each other. KATHERYNE starts to cough. She cannot go on. THOMAS gently sits KATHERYNE down.

KATHERYNE: Thank you, Thomas.

THOMAS: Are you all right?

KATHERYNE: Perfectly well. I am feeling better all the time.

��

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NNNNICKYICKYICKYICKY ANDANDANDAND P P P PETEETEETEETE

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Wait Wait Bo Bait GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Seriocomic TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 3:00

————————


The scene takes place outside a bathroom door. Nicky and Pete await the results of a pregnancy test.


The two characters have opposing energies in this scene: Pete is manic, Nicky is numb. Play with these different reactions to the situation.

Underneath the stress of the moment, these two characters really care for each other. Make sure this is evident in the scene.

———————— NICKY sits on the ground. PETE is pacing. There is a moment of silence as NICKY sits staring and PETE paces. Finally NICKY can’t stand it any longer.

NICKY: Stop it.

PETE: (still pacing) What?

NICKY: Stop it.

PETE: What?

NICKY: Pacing. You're wearing a hole in the carpet.

PETE: I can't. I’m all wired up. When I’m wired up, I need to keep

moving. It's genetic or generational or geometrical or something.

Why are you so calm? Isn't this driving you nuts? Isn't this eating

you up inside? Aren't you going crazy?

NICKY: It's been less than a minute.

PETE: (continues pacing) I hate waiting. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I'm

never good at Christmas. And birthdays… don’t get me started

on birthdays.

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NICKY: Stop it!

PETE: I can't.

NICKY: Come on, you're making me dizzy.

PETE: (stopping dead) Dizzy. Nausea. That's a sign isn't it? That's a

sign. That's the big sign when you're…

NICKY: Would you shut up? Do you want my parents to hear?

PETE: Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. This is a disaster. Where are they?

NICKY: It's ok. They're watching TV. Nothing can pull them away from

their Saturday night couch potato snore fest.

PETE: What are they watching?

NICKY: I don’t know. One of those Colombo mysteries.

PETE: Colombo. Is that the guy in the brown trench coat?

NICKY: I don't know.

PETE: I think it's the guy in the brown trench coat. (pause) Do you think

he ever got his girlfriend -

NICKY: Shut up! Stop pacing and shut up.

PETE: You don’t need to get snippy with me. I know what’s what here.

NICKY: I know you do. I’m sorry. I’m not thinking straight. I don’t have

any room in my brain for polite conversation. Pete, if my head

explodes you won’t get grossed out will you?

PETE: Yeah but Nicky there’d be brains and stuff and…

NICKY: Pete!

PETE: I’ll do my best. How much longer?

NICKY: (looking at her watch) A minute.

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PETE: I can't believe this is happening to me. To us. I meant us. I didn't

mean I was the only one in this situation. It takes two to tango.

Which doesn't mean that I was blaming you. Not at all. Us. It's

you and me. We. Nicky what are we going to do if it's pink?

NICKY: I don't know. I’m trying not to think about it. I don’t want to

think about it till we know for sure. What do you want to do?

PETE: I don't know.

NICKY: Me neither. This isn’t supposed to happen to me. Us.

PETE: Maybe we should have got a different kind. There's that two blue

line thing. Or is it one blue line? Or they've got those ones where

a check comes up if it's positive. I never knew there were so many

different types. But I guess I've never had the occasion to peruse

that part of the drugstore.

NICKY: Thank you.

PETE: For what?

NICKY: For going with me to buy the test. Carol Grandy's boyfriend

wouldn't return her calls.

PETE: Well, you'd kill me if I did that. Or you'd get one of your brothers

to hold me down while one of my brothers did a mambo on my

spleen.

NICKY: Is that the only reason you went with me?

PETE: No, no, no, no. That came out wrong.

NICKY: (standing up) It's time.

PETE: What?

NICKY: It’s time. Let's get this over with.

PETE: Nicky listen. I wanted to come with you. We're in this together.

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Ok?

NICKY: Ok.

PETE: Keeping that in mind, if it's pink and I faint try not to let my head

hit the toilet.

NICKY: You got it.

They hold hands and exit.

��

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GGGGERALDERALDERALDERALD ANDANDANDAND M M M MADELINEADELINEADELINEADELINE

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Body Body GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 3:30

————————


Madeline is 15 years old. She and Gerald, a football player, have been dating for two weeks. At the start of the scene Madeline is on cloud nine about the relationship.


At the beginning of the scene Madeline is prepared to do anything for her boyfriend, including imitating his movement and speech patterns. Once she realizes he’s dumping her for essentially no good reason, there needs to be a sharp change in Madeline. We need to see her move, speak and act differently as she separates herself from Gerald.

———————— GERALD slouches towards MADELINE.

GERALD: Hey Maddie.

MADELINE: Oh! (puts on the same slouch, physically and verbally) Hey

Gerald.

GERALD: You goin' to History?

MADELINE: Yeah. Sure. You goin'?

GERALD: Yeah. Sure.

MADELINE: Sure.

GERALD: Yeah. (there is a pause) So we're going now, right?

MADELINE: Oh! Yeah, right.

They start walking - slowly and with much slouching.

GERALD: I gotta sorta talk to you.

MADELINE: Ok. Sure. Me too. Not to me, I gotta talk to you. Ha. You

go first.

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GERALD: No you go.

MADELINE: It's ok, you can go.

GERALD: You.

MADELINE: Ok. (she takes a deep breath) So. I was kinda sorta

wondering if you were going to the dance on Friday. I was

thinking of goin' and it might be fun. We could go together, you

know, and you can totally spend time with your friends and I'll

spend time with my friends. We don't even have to dance

together. I mean, I like to dance but I don't have to dance. (she

takes a deep breath) I mean we don't have to go to the dance, I

was just thinking it might be fun and -

GERALD: I can't go to the dance with you.

MADELINE: Oh. (pause) Oh. How come?

GERALD: I'm gonna go with Samantha.

MADELINE: Samantha. Bowen?

GERALD: Yeah.

MADELINE: Oh. Um, Gerald?

GERALD: Yeah?

MADELINE: Aren't we supposed to be going out? You and me? Two

weeks?

GERALD: Yeah, I gotta sorta talk to you about that.

MADELINE: You're breaking up with me?

GERALD: I guess so. Yeah.

MADELINE: Yeah?

GERALD: Yeah.

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MADELINE: Oh. Yeah.

GERALD: Ok. See ya.

MADELINE: See ya.

He starts to slouch away. MADELINE shakes her head and runs after him.

MADELINE: Wait! Wait. Not "See ya." Not "Ok." Why?

GERALD: Why what?

MADELINE: Why are you breaking up with me, you pinhead?

GERALD: ‘Cause I'm on the football team.

There is a pause while MADELINE waits for more but nothing is forthcoming.

MADELINE: You're going to have to be more specific.

GERALD: Well, Robert Deakins says you're not girlfriend material.

MADELINE: And you listened to him?

GERALD: Yeah. He's the quarterback.

MADELINE: And if Robert Deakins jumped off a bridge I suppose you

would too.

GERALD: (he thinks for a moment) Yeah. Probably.

MADELINE: So is Samantha girlfriend material?

GERALD: Yeah.

MADELINE: And what exactly, specifically, is girlfriend material?

GERALD: Ummmmmm. She's a cheerleader. She's pretty. She's thin.

And you're -

MADELINE: Finish that sentence and I'll pop you in the mouth.

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GERALD: Sorry Maddie. It's only been two weeks. You'll get another

boyfriend.

He starts to walk away. MADELINE grabs him by the collar and yanks him back.

MADELINE: Not done yet, pinhead. Refresh my memory. You were a

football player two weeks ago, right?

GERALD: Yeah.

MADELINE: And you did ask me out, right?

GERALD: Yeah.

MADELINE: Why?

GERALD: ‘Cause.

MADELINE: (tightening her grasp) Specifics, please. If I'm everything

Skinny-Mini is not, why bother asking me out in the first place?

GERALD: ‘Cause Jason DeLeo said you'd probably be easy. On

account of what you look like. You gonna let go of me now?

MADELINE: No I don't think so.

GERALD: Maddie, you're cutting off my circulation.

MADELINE: Really? How terrible for you. You might not be able to take

the pompom queen to the dance. (she tightens her grip) You

might not be able to jump off that cliff for your quarterback.

GERALD: Uh… Maddie?

MADELINE: How blind have I been? Here I was thinking the rules of

protocol meant boys asked out girls 'cause they liked them. Am I

stupid or what? Am I completely out of my head?

GERALD: (now really struggling to breath) Can't… breathe…

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MADELINE: (letting go) Aw you're not worth it. I kill you, I go to jail.

You go to the dance. Do me a favour. If you hear anyone else

spreading the “fat girl is easy” rumour please kindly add the

following footnote: If I find out who they are I'm gonna kick them

where the sun don't shine. Got it?

GERALD: Sure. No hard feelings, eh?

He gets away as fast as he can while still slouching.

MADELINE: (calling after him) No. No. There will be hard feelings.

Many, many, hard, rocky, concrete, marble, craterous feelings. I

hope she gives you a horrible disease.

��

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NNNNICOLAICOLAICOLAICOLA ANDANDANDAND R R R RICKICKICKICK

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Football Romeo GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 3:30

————————


Nicola and her boyfriend, Rick, prepare for “Romeo and Juliet” auditions. Nicola is enrapt in her preparations. Rick is asleep.


Nicola is a girl who gets what she wants. How does that drive affect the way she moves and speaks?

Think about why Nicola is with Rick. What does she see in him? What does Rick see in Nicola?

Make sure you understand the Shakespearean part of the text.

———————— NICOLA stands downstage centre. She stands in a pose of longing.

NICOLA: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

Or if thou wilt not but be sworn my love,

And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

NICOLA holds a pose of longing. She waits. And waits. She's waiting for RICK, her boyfriend, who has fallen asleep on the couch. NICOLA keeps up her pose as long as she can before she swats him.

NICOLA: It's your line!

RICK: (waking up) Huh?

NICOLA: It's your line!

She shows him his place in the script and gets right back into her pose.

RICK: (speaking in a deadpan voice) Shall I hear more, or shall I speak

at this?

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NICOLA: Rick!!!

RICK: What?

NICOLA: Never mind. Never mind. I'm ready. (She takes in a deep

breath.) I know I'm going to get this part. (She starts to gather her

things.) So, you're going to meet me at the audition tomorrow at

4:00. Can you remember that or should I write it down?

RICK: 4:00. I got it.

NICOLA: Good. (She gives RICK a peck on the cheek.)

RICK: Why?

NICOLA: Why what?

RICK: Why do I have to meet you at the audition? (A thought comes to

him.) Oh, I get it! You want moral support. You want me to cheer

you on. Maybe I should borrow a set of pompoms from one of

the cheerleaders - "Go Nikki!" (He laughs to himself at his own

cleverness. Then he notices NICOLA is staring at him.) What?

NICOLA: Rick. We've been going over these lines for weeks.

RICK: Yeah.

NICOLA: I've been reading Juliet. You've been sort of reading Romeo.

RICK: You're great, Nik. I know you're going to get the part.

NICOLA: We're both going to get the part.

RICK: I'm going to be Juliet?

NICOLA: Try to stay with me. We’ve talked about this. Planned this.

We've been practicing for weeks so that we can audition together

and get the parts together and be on stage together.

RICK: On stage?

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NICOLA: You - Romeo. Me - Juliet.

RICK: On stage?

NICOLA: Yes.

RICK: In front of people?

NICOLA: That's how it's usually done.

RICK: You never told me that!!!

NICOLA: Rick…

RICK: Uh uh, no way, no can do. It's fine behind closed doors where

no one can see us but there's no way I would ever stand… (He

becomes lost in thought - it almost looks like his brain has closed

down.)

NICOLA: Rick?

RICK: Tights…

NICOLA: Rick, what's the matter?

RICK: This guy, this Ray…

NICOLA: Romeo.

RICK: He wears tights! Nikki, you want me to embarrass myself in front

of the entire football team looking like a ballerina?

NICOLA: There are no tights. Mrs. Cavendish is doing a modern

version. No tights.

RICK: No?

NICOLA: Jeans and T-shirts.

RICK: I still can't do it.

NICOLA: Ricky…

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RICK: I play football. I take other football players by the head and slam

them to the ground.

NICOLA: And you're very good at that. But don't you want to be more

than a football player?

RICK: No.

NICOLA: Don't you want to be something else?

RICK: No.

NICOLA: Don’t you want to fully experience the wonder, the thrill, the

excitement that is William Shakespeare?

RICK: (like he’s eaten a bug) No!

NICOLA: Fine. I see. (She moves away)

RICK: You're mad.

NICOLA: No. Not at all. I'm perfectly - (RICK moves in to hug her) Don't

touch me!!

RICK: I'm sorry, Nikki. It's just not going to work.

NICOLA: I understand.

RICK: Good.

NICOLA: So I guess you'll be ok with the kissing scenes.

RICK: What?

NICOLA: You've been reading the lines, Rick, surely you noticed there

are at least two kissing scenes.

RICK: I wasn't really paying attention.

NICOLA: If you're not playing Romeo that means I'll be kissing

somebody else.

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RICK: Give me that!

He takes the book from NICOLA and frantically begins searching.

NICOLA: I'm really impressed, Rick. I never thought you would be so

open about this. You are really growing as a human being.

RICK: (whining like a baby) I can't read this. I hate this guy! Why can't

he write English like everybody else?

He hands the book to NICOLA, who acts out the scene between Romeo and Juliet at Capulet's masked ball. She plays each part with utter seriousness.

JULIET: Saints do not move though grant for prayers sake

ROMEO: Then move not while my prayers effect I take.

Thus from my lips by thine my sins purged.

JULIET: Then from my lips the sin that they have took.

ROMEO: Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged!

Give me my sin again.

NICOLA closes the script with a sigh and holds it to her chest. She is clearly quite moved by the scene. RICK looks very, very confused.

RICK: Is that Shakespeare for kissing scene?

NICOLA: Big time.

RICK: Give me that book. When did you say the auditions were?

NICOLA: (with a big smile) Four o'clock.

��

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��

Scenes for Two Men ��


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JJJJOHANOHANOHANOHAN ANDANDANDAND H H H HANSANSANSANS

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Deck the Stage! GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 2:50

————————


Two brothers, Johan and Hans, talk about their Christmas Tree traditions.

Note: Lines continued with a ‘…’ should sound like one continuous sentence.


This scene is all about pace and timing. The lines should flow from one character to another seamlessly.

From an emotional standpoint, focus on the competition between the boys. Why does each feel that they must come out on top?

Are the brothers twins, or is one older than the other? How does that affect the piece?

———————— JOHAN and HANS come downstage. They match each other step for step, as if they don’t want the other to get ahead.

JOHAN & HANS: Every year my brother and I…

JOHAN: Partake in a competition…

HANS: To choose the family Christmas tree.

JOHAN: It's been our job…

JOHAN & HANS: Since we were seven years old.

HANS: We go with our Papa to the tree farm.

JOHAN: We each pick out a tree and he chooses the winner.

HANS: It used to be…

JOHAN & HANS: In the beginning…

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HANS: That we would decide on a tree together.

JOHAN & HANS: But that was impossible. (each referring to the other)

He's so competitive.

JOHAN: It's horrible.

JOHAN & HANS: He always has to have his way.

HANS: So now we get Papa to choose.

JOHAN: I have five wins and Hans only has four.

HANS: Johan always says he has five and I only have four.

JOHAN: He is such a sore loser.

HANS: The year that we were twelve I had double pneumonia and

Mama would not let me go to the tree farm, even though I said I

could go.

JOHAN: I picked the tree, Papa cut it down. It counts.

HANS: It does not count.

JOHAN: It counts!

JOHAN & HANS: He always gets like this. He always has to have his

way. He's impossible.

HANS: The morning of the trip is always bright and crisp and clean.

JOHAN: I arise extra early to make sure I have all of my equipment at

hand.

HANS: Sturdy boots!

JOHAN: Strong gloves!

HANS: Binoculars for the scouting!

JOHAN: Tags to mark the trees.

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JOHAN & HANS: One year, he tried to claim a tree that I had clearly

sighted first!

HANS: Now a tree cannot be claimed until it has a tag on it.

JOHAN: It's all his fault.

JOHAN & HANS: He's so competitive.

They both take a deep breath in.

JOHAN: We stand at the entrance to the tree farm…

HANS: Breathing in the cool, crisp, morning air.

They both breathe in.

JOHAN & HANS: Our breath makes tiny clouds of mist which fogs up

our glasses. (They both wipe their glasses)

JOHAN: Papa must set us off at exactly the same time.

JOHAN & HANS: He always tries to cheat.

HANS: Johan's foot is over the line!

JOHAN: Hans' body is too far forward!

HANS: Inevitably Papa tells us to settle down or…

JOHAN & HANS: He will pick the first scrawny broke bristle spruce he

can find and leave us for the dogs!

JOHAN: That Papa.

JOHAN & HANS: What a sense of humour.

They both chuckle for a moment. Then they both breathe in again.

JOHAN: We prepare.

HANS: We wait for the hand to go down.

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JOHAN: The air is silent.

HANS: There is nothing but Papa's hand…

JOHAN: And the trees.

JOHAN & HANS: WE'RE OFF!

The two start running in place. They are frantically searching for the best tree.

JOHAN: Trees to the left!

HANS: Trees to the right!

JOHAN: Faster!

HANS: Faster!

JOHAN: Ah ha!

HANS: Bah!

JOHAN: Too small!

HANS: Too tall!

JOHAN: Too fat!

HANS: Too puny!

JOHAN: Too old!

HANS: Too new!

JOHAN: Too much like the one we had last year.

JOHAN & HANS: I must find the perfect tree! I can't let him beat me!

HANS: Beautiful pines.

JOHAN: Lush foliage.

HANS: Green as emeralds.

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JOHAN: Ah ha!

HANS: Ah ha!

JOHAN: AH HA!

HANS: AH AH!

They take in a deep breath and jump up and down for joy.

JOHAN & HANS: Every year it is so exhilarating! I can hardly wait!

JOHAN: And I know…

HANS: Without a shadow of a doubt…

JOHAN: That…

HANS: The winner…

JOHAN & HANS: Will be me!

HANS: Me.

JOHAN: Me.

HANS: Me!

JOHAN: ME!

JOHAN & HANS: He is so impossible! He always has to have his way!

The two cross their arms in frustration and stand with their backs to each other.

��

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CCCCAPULETAPULETAPULETAPULET ANDANDANDAND M M M MESSENGERESSENGERESSENGERESSENGER

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Romeo and Juliet

adapted by Craig Mason

GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy

TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 1:50

————————


This scene comes from a modern adaptation of Shakespeare’s classic tale. Capulet prepares to send out invitations to his masked ball. He and his servant have some difficulty determining who should be invited and who shouldn’t.


This is a slapstick scene. Think about the physicality you can add to the dialogue. It might be helpful to watch some performers known for physical comedy such as the Marx Brothers or Mr. Bean.

Keep the social status of the characters in mind: Capulet is clearly the boss – come up with exaggerated postures and actions that show he is in charge. Conversely, the servant is clearly lower-class. How can you show this? How does he speak and move? Does he grovel a lot in the scene?

————————

CAPULET enters with a list in his hand.

CAPULET: Where is my servant?

The MESSENGER enters from the other side of the stage. He’s not paying attention to CAPULET at all.

MESSENGER: Dum da do. Dip da dee. La di doh.

CAPULET: Servant! (he gestures frantically) Servant!

MESSENGER: Dippy da do.

CAPULET: Servant I say!

The MESSENGER slowly makes his way over to CAPULET. Very, very slowly.

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MESSENGER: Are you talking to me?

CAPULET: Yes, you are my servant.

MESSENGER: You are incorrect, sir. I serve none other than Lord

Capulet, father to the beautiful Juliet, and head of the Capulet

family. Dope di day.

The MESSENGER turns as if to carry on his merry way. CAPULET grabs him by the collar and drags him back.

CAPULET: Maybe I can help you find him. What does he look like?

MESSENGER: He looks kinda like you.

CAPULET: How does he dress?

MESSENGER: He dresses like you.

CAPULET: And what does his voice sound like?

MESSENGER: He sounds just like you. (a look of realization comes over

his face) Ooops!

The MESSENGER hits the ground and starts kissing CAPULET’s feet.

MESSENGER: Ohhhhhhhh! Sorry sir!

CAPULET shoos the MESSENGER off his feet.

CAPULET: Never mind that. Just get to work. I have a very important

job for you.

MESSENGER: Anything sir.

CAPULET: Well, us Capulets need something to take our minds off

those terrible Montagues. So I'm throwing a party.

MESSENGER: A party. Whee!

CAPULET: Yes, a masked ball, a costume party. Everyone must wear a

disguise. It shall be so much fun. Now, servant, this shall be your

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top priority. (handing a list to MESSENGER) Here is a list of all the

people I want to invite to the party. Go everywhere in Verona.

Search high and low, and tell everyone on the list about the

party. Everyone on the list. Now, you must be certain not to tell

any of the Montagues. No Montague must come to the party. Do

you understand?

MESSENGER: I do.

CAPULET: What are you supposed to do?

MESSENGER: Invite all of the Montagues.

CAPULET: No No NO. Invite everyone but the Montagues.

MESSENGER: Don't invite anyone who isn't a Montague.

CAPULET: No No NO. Let me make it simple for you. Just invite

everybody on the list.

MESSENGER: Ok. The list. Of Montagues.

CAPULET: Just stick to the list. There are no Montagues on the list.

Invite people only on the list.

MESSENGER: Aha! Right away.

Pause. They both stand there staring at each other.

CAPULET: Well…

MESSENGER: Well what?

CAPULET: What are you waiting for?

MESSENGER: Should I go now?

CAPULET: YES!

CAPULET storms off.

MESSENGER: But sir! Sir! Sir! I can't read!

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The MESSENGER gives a big sigh and considers going after CAPULET to explain his problem. He thinks better of it. He sneaks off in the opposite direction.

��

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NNNNICHOLASICHOLASICHOLASICHOLAS ANDANDANDAND J J J JOHNOHNOHNOHN

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: The Canterbury Tales originally by Geoffrey Chaucer GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 4:30

————————


This scene comes from the Miller’s Tale. John, a rich carpenter, enters to see Nicholas, a student, sitting staring into space. Nicholas is interested in John’s wife, Allison. In order to separate John from his wife, Nicholas creates an elaborate scheme: He tricks John into thinking another flood is imminent.


Both characters think they are smarter than the other. Both characters think the other is a fool. Both characters are willing to do anything for Allison. How does that affect the way you play the scene?

It’s important that Nicholas is, for the most part, sincere. Choose your moments when he reveals to the audience his true motives. Otherwise, it won’t make sense that John believes him so wholeheartedly.

————————

NICHOLAS sits on the floor in a daze. JOHN enters.

JOHN: By Saint Thomas, Nicholas, we have not seen you for a day

and a night. What is wrong with you? My servant boy says you

are just sitting here in your chamber as if you were staring on the

new moon. You neither speak, nor move nor eat. (he gives a big

sniff) Nor bathe. (he pokes NICHOLAS) By Saint Thomas he has

had some fit. (He pokes NICHOLAS again. NICHOLAS falls over.)

It is this astronomy you study by Saint Frideswide. There will be

no more of that. (clapping and stamping by NICHOLAS' ear)

What Nicholas! What ho! Look about! You have been bewitched!

The stars have bewitched you! (dancing about, looking generally

foolish) I defend thee from elves and evil spirits! I banish all from

my threshold! Bless this house from every wicked thing! (still

dancing about) Hey ho! Hey ho!

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NICHOLAS: (with a deep and heavy sigh) Alas.

JOHN: Nicholas! Speak again boy.

NICHOLAS: Shall all the world be lost again so soon?

JOHN: What are you talking about?

NICHOLAS: (grabbing hold of JOHN's shirt) I must speak with you in

private. Are we in private? There is a thing that touches us all and

I will tell no other man but you.

JOHN: (looking around) Steady son, we are truly alone.

NICHOLAS: John. My host. My life and dear. Swear to me that you

shall tell no one, NO ONE, what I am about to share with you.

JOHN: I swear.

NICHOLAS: On your life!

JOHN: On my life!

NICHOLAS: For if you tell another soul you will be utterly lost. If you

betray me, vengeance will rain down upon you and make you

mad.

JOHN: Merciful heaven!

NICHOLAS: Do you understand me, John?

JOHN: I do. I swear. I do not tell tales or secrets. You can ask any

man. Say what you will, I will never tell it to anyone, not even to

my wife.

NICHOLAS: That is deep swearing indeed. (He looks around again and

brings JOHN downstage. He speaks in a loud whisper.) I do not

lie, John, when I say I have found in my astrology, when I have

looked into the bright moon, that on Monday next, at nine o'clock

at night… (He stops and looks around again. JOHN also does

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this.) On Monday next, at nine o’clock at night there shall fall a

rain so wild and fierce it will rival the rains that fell on Noah.

JOHN: No!

NICHOLAS: Yes! In less than an hour the whole world will be wet from

this hideous shower. All mankind shall be drowned. All mankind

shall lose their lives.

JOHN: No!

NICHOLAS: Yes!

JOHN: Merciful heavens! And my wife? My poor Allison, will she be

drowned too?

NICHOLAS: Is she part of all mankind?

JOHN: I fear she is.

NICHOLAS: Then the answer is, yes.

JOHN: No!

NICHOLAS: Now you know why I sit here without a wink of sleep, nor

a morsel of food can I eat. (he sniffs his armpit) I could bathe,

though; you're right about that.

JOHN: Is there no way to save ourselves? There must be something we

can do!

NICHOLAS: There is, John. (He looks around and moves JOHN to the

other side of the stage.) But you must not follow your instincts.

You must not act on what your logic tells you to do. If you follow

my instructions you will not be sorry. If you follow my advice to

the letter and not deviate from it one inch, I will save you and (he

gives a little cough) Allison and me.

JOHN: (embracing NICHOLAS in a bear hug) Bless you, bless you,

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bless you! You are a good man, Nicholas! A good man indeed.

What must we do?

NICHOLAS: First let me go.

JOHN: Oh! Sorry man.

NICHOLAS: Next, go right away into your house and fetch three

wooden buckets; one for each of us. See that they are large

enough so when the time comes we may float away.

JOHN: Excellent plan!

NICHOLAS: Then, you must gather food and drink enough for one

day.

JOHN: One day? Won’t we need much more than that?

NICHOLAS: Oh I'm fairly sure the water will drain away quite quickly.

Remember! There is no logic here! Remember! No one must

know about this. Not your serving boy, nor your maid.

JOHN: No one.

NICHOLAS: Do not ask me why there is such secrecy. Unless you want

to make yourself mad, you'll follow me to the letter.

JOHN: I will, I will. Anything to save my dear, sweet, beautiful Allison.

NICHOLAS: When you have the three vats, hang them from the roof as

high as you can, so no man will see what we are doing.

JOHN: But wait! Why do we need three boats? Allison and I will be in

the same one.

NICHOLAS: NO! No, no, no!

JOHN: Why?

NICHOLAS: You must not. We all must be in (he gives a little cough)

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separate boats. That is the most important part of the plan.

JOHN: But…

NICHOLAS: There is a higher power that wants it so and you must not

ask any more questions! Remember…

JOHN: Yes, yes, do not use logic. How stupid of me!

NICHOLAS: And one more thing. Once the time has come and we are

in our makeshift boats, none of us may speak a word. Not a

word, John. Do you understand?

JOHN: Yes. Silence is a virtue, right?

NICHOLAS: Right. You are such a wise man, John. I knew I would be

able to count on you. Now go and godspeed.

JOHN: Godspeed to you as well, Nicholas. I thank the heavens that

you are in my house this day.

They clasp hands and exit in opposite directions.

��

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SSSSTEVETEVETEVETEVE ANDANDANDAND E E E EDGARDGARDGARDGAR

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: Wait Wait Bo Bait GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Comedy TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 2:00

————————


Steve and Edgar sit outside the principal’s office, awaiting punishment.


Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve waited for something unpleasant? How did it affect you physically? Did it affect your breathing? Think about giving the two characters contrasting physical states.

————————

There is a moment of silence as STEVE and EDGAR sit. Waiting. They adjust their position. They both give a big sigh.

STEVE: How long have they been in there?

EDGAR: Almost half an hour.

STEVE: Half and hour. How long does it take to decide a punishment?

Mrs. Dufour always struck me as a rather decisive woman. Two

weeks detention – zap! You’re suspended – pow!

EDGAR: Your dad is über-decisive. He’s the king of decisiveness.

STEVE: I know. Can I have the car, dad? No. Two seconds tops -

whamo! What the hell are they talking about?

EDGAR: Maybe they’re not talking about you. Maybe they wrapped up

you in the first five minutes and now they’re talking about

vacations. (STEVE looks at EDGAR) It’s possible. They could be

comparing vacation spots. “I like Hawaii. Jamaica is nice this

time of year.”

STEVE: You’re just in a good mood ‘cause they haven’t reached your

parents and you’re not going to get yelled at till later.

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EDGAR: What’s the worst that could happen? You’ve never been in

trouble before. Sure, your first time out has been a bit of a doosy

but really, how hard on you can they be?

STEVE: My dad’s going to kill me.

EDGAR: Be serious.

STEVE: Seriously he could kill me.

EDGAR: Not gonna happen. Think smaller-scale.

STEVE: I don’t know. Maybe he’ll hide all my shoes.

EDGAR: “Son. We’ve decided your punishment. We’re going to hide all

your shoes.”

STEVE: Just because your dad is all “Boys will be boys. Hey man, I was

young once too. Peace out.”

EDGAR: I don’t know Brillo. I’ve never set fire to a bathroom before.

My dad did a lot when he was young, but I’m pretty sure he

never set fire to a bathroom.

STEVE: But we didn’t mean to set fire to a bathroom.

EDGAR: If only that counted.

STEVE: Who knew toilets were so flammable?

EDGAR: Hindsight is twenty-twenty.

STEVE: What are they doing in there? I wish they’d just come out and

get it over with. Just come out right now and get whatever it is,

whatever punishment, out in the open. I just want to know. The

waiting is killing me!

EDGAR: Ah ha! Chinese water torture. I think there is no punishment.

They’re just sitting in there, making you sweat it out.

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STEVE: (standing up) Enough is enough. This is inhuman. If they’re

going to punish me, fine. Just come on out of there and do it. Do

you hear me?! I deserve to know. It’s my basic human right to

know and I want to know right now!

EDGAR: Aw crap. The door’s opening.

STEVE: (sitting down) I changed my mind. I can wait.

��

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JJJJAKEAKEAKEAKE ANDANDANDAND M M M MRRRR. W. W. W. WESTLAKEESTLAKEESTLAKEESTLAKE

PPPPLAYLAYLAYLAY:::: The Bright Blue Mailbox Suicide Note GGGGENREENREENREENRE:::: Drama TTTTIMEIMEIMEIME:::: 2:10

————————


Jake finds a suicide note in his mailbox. He becomes obsessed with finding out who wrote the note. Instead, he stumbles on a secret he never wanted to know: He learns that his best friend Ken tried to kill himself, and never shared his feelings with Jake. Jake is unable to cope with the news.

In this scene, Jake goes to the school guidance counsellor to see if he can get any help with the note.


Jake is extremely focused on his objective: finding out about the note. Everything else: Ken, his girlfriend, his friends, are put aside. How will you physicalize this obsession?

Whatever you decide for Jake’s physical nature, give Mr. Westlake an contrasting physical state. The two should clash physically and emotionally at every turn.

————————

JAKE: (to the audience) Ok. I should have talked to Ken. As soon as he

said it, I should have… but I didn't. I went home and sat in the

dark and tried to think as little as possible. It's not as easy as it

sounds. I didn't get to sleep until 3am.

JAKE sits down with MR. WESTLAKE, the school guidance counsellor. MR. WESTLAKE is holding JAKE's note.

MR. WESTLAKE: You look tired, Jake. Are you all right?

JAKE: I'm fine, I'm fine. What do you think?

MR. WESTLAKE: I'm a little puzzled. What exactly are you looking for?

JAKE: I don't know. Do you see any clues?

MR. WESTLAKE: Clues?

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JAKE: Yeah. Anything, like, who is this person and why did they decide

to commit suicide in my mailbox.

MR. WESTLAKE: You're asking a bit much of a piece of paper aren't

you?

JAKE: I don't have anything else to go on. I mean, I think about who it

might be. It's not anyone I know. I don't know anyone who… I

mean… I mean my sister spent a couple of years wearing

nothing but black, listened to country music all day and hated

everybody in sight, but I know for a fact she would never kill

herself. At least I don't think so.

MR. WESTLAKE: Why do you want to find out about the person in the

note?

JAKE: I don't know. I've just been thinking about her, that's all.

MR. WESTLAKE: Her?

JAKE: I imagine it's a girl. I don't know why. Maybe Moe swayed me

with the stationery argument.

MR. WESTLAKE: Pardon?

JAKE: Never mind. I read this letter and I see a girl.

MR. WESTLAKE: (reading the note) Dear Mom: This is a lie. This is all a

lie. Everything. Now and before and forever.

JAKE: (In his own world) And I wonder who she is. What she looks like,

where she lives.

MR. WESTLAKE: (reading the note) I can't go on and I can't go on lying

so this is the only way I can think of to make things right.

JAKE: I wonder if her mother knew.

MR. WESTLAKE: (reading the note) I've tried mom. I've tried so hard.

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JAKE: I wonder if there's a body somewhere…

MR. WESTLAKE: (reading the note) I know you won't understand…

JAKE: …and if her mother found her.

MR. WESTLAKE: (reading the note)…and I know you'll be hurt.

JAKE: Did she expect to find her daughter this way?

MR. WESTLAKE: (reading the note) But killing myself is the one act I

won't be able to lie about.

JAKE: Or did she have no idea. Not a clue.

MR. WESTLAKE: (reading the note) I love you. Sincerely. M.

JAKE: I wonder how she feels now. Especially since I have the note.

MR. WESTLAKE: How do you feel, Jake?

JAKE: I'm fine. I told you…

MR. WESTLAKE: You feel fine about all of this?

JAKE: This isn't about me. This is about some girl who…

MR. WESTLAKE: You don't know it's a girl.

JAKE: Ok, ok, I imagine it's a girl.

MR. WESTLAKE: What do you think that means?

JAKE: I don't want to talk about me.

MR. WESTLAKE: You're taking this note very seriously.

JAKE: I'm not…

MR. WESTLAKE: You're not sleeping, you're creating fantasies…

JAKE: That's not what I said, you're twisting my words.

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MR. WESTLAKE: How are your parents, Jake?

JAKE: They're fine.

MR. WESTLAKE: Karen?

JAKE: Fine.

MR. WESTLAKE: How's Ken?

JAKE: What do you mean, "How's Ken?" Ken is fine. He's just fine.

MR. WESTLAKE: Jake.

JAKE: I'm fine. Everybody's fine. I never asked you to pry into my life, I

was just looking for an opinion.

MR. WESTLAKE: All right.

JAKE: What do you mean by that?

MR. WESTLAKE: Nothing.

JAKE: Sure. Right. I don't think this is going to work. Can I have my

note back?

MR. WESTLAKE: We should talk about this.

JAKE: Can I have my note? (he takes the note) Thanks.

JAKE walks downstage and addresses the audience.

JAKE: I am fine. There's nothing wrong with me. I am 100% A-ok. I

don't know why he was talking to me like that. I'm not the one

who tried to kill themselves.

��

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COMPETITION SCENES: DUETS Edited by Lindsay Price

Collection of 21 Duet Scenes [8W/W, 8W/M, 5 M/M]

Are you looking for challenging scenes for two actors? This collection is tailored for student actors, and contains a wide variety of characters, genres and lengths. Ideal for competitions and in-class work.

The scenes come from plays published by Theatrefolk and include approximate timing, character/story background, and performance suggestions.

Companion to Competition Monologues.

PO Box 1064, Crystal Beach, ON, Canada L0S 1B0

Tel 1-866-245-9138 / Fax 1-877-245-9138 Email [email protected] / Web www.theatrefolk.com



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prepared exclusively for: allie jones

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