Preparing for Parenthood

HPW3C

Lesson 4

Being Prepared for Parenthood affects the lives of Parents and Children in the long

term.

Importance of Being Prepared for Parenthood The success of any endeavor depends upon the careful

planning that goes into it. Parenthood is a very significant responsibility that requires

preparation for success. Because success, in this case, is measured in the effects it has on the lives of children, planning is essential.

A parent is really one who cares for and takes responsibility for the needs of a child.

Parenthood involves the complex job of raising children even before they are born.

Parenting requires nurturing, teaching, guiding, long term commitment, knowledge, patience, understanding, a sense of humour, and a great deal of time, money, and energy.

Importance of Being Prepared for Parenthood

When parents are not prepared for parenthood, it can seriously affect the lives and development of their children as well as their own lives.

Plans may need to be put on hold and may or may not be achieved.

Education, travel and career plans may be postponed or changed.

Key Question

1. Do you wish to be a parent at some time? 2. Are you presently employed? 3. Do you want to work for a period of time before starting a family? 4. Would you leave your present position (job or education) if you

decided to start a family? Explain your response. 5. What career goals do you want to achieve before you have

children? 6. Where do you want to live when you have a family? 7. Do you feel responsible enough to be a parent now? 8. I shall be ready to parent when…

Planning involved in parenting

Physical, emotional and financial change

Step 1 – Choosing to parent

9. Do you want children?

10. When do you want children?

11. Have you looked at factors influencing this decision?

Step 1 – Choosing to Parent

Wrong Reasons: To prove adulthood To please someone else For emotional benefits For respect and status To escape a situation Because society expects it To improve a floundering

relationship To be like everyone else

Right reasons: Because you have thought

about it and have decided you are ready emotionally, financially and physically.

Step 2 – Examining readiness

Measuring Maturity - Psychological Maturity12. Do you accept responsibility without being reminded or pressured?13. Do you perform a job well because of a sense of pride and respect for work?14. Can you give up short-term comfort for long-term gain?15. Can you set aside your own needs when someone else’s needs are more

important?16. Do you make and keep commitments?17. Are you confident about your ability to handle whatever comes you way?18. Are you controlling the direction your life is taking?19. Do you set your own goals and are you self-motivated to reach them?20. Can you make decisions based on reason rather than emotions?21. Can you solve problems skilfully?22. Could you live on your own and take care of yourself?23. Do you have a strong and positive sense of self?24. Are you even-tempered and peaceful?25. Do you have a positive outlook on life?

Step 2 – Examining readiness

Measuring Maturity – Physical Maturity

26. Are a nutritious diet, enough sleep, and regular medical check-ups a part of your lifestyle?

27. Do any medical conditions exist that could affect, or be affected by, pregnancy? Some examples are eating disorders, diabetes, kidney disease, and sexually transmitted disease.

28. Would the baby be at risk for an inherited disorder?

29. Are the mother’s immunizations and vaccines up to date?

30. Does the mother need extensive dental work?

31. Would a baby be at risk from parents or other family members who abuse alcohol, drugs or who smoke?

Step 2 – Examining readiness

Measuring Maturity – Relationship Maturity32. Is the relationship satisfying? Do each of you feel that you get as

much from the relationship as you give?33. Is the relationship comfortable and respectful? Are you both

generally respectful? Are you both generally happy with each other’s actions and respectful of each other’s idea’s?

34. Is the relationship stable? Has it lasted long enough to be sure that infatuation hasn’t been mistaken for love?

35. Do you both work to settle disagreements or do they remain unresolved? Do disagreements centre around reasonable issues?

36. Do you share a common philosophy about having and raising children? That is, do you agree on issues such as these: how many children to have; how to divide responsibilities; and attitudes about discipline, education, and religion?

Step 2 – Examining Readiness

Measuring Maturity – Lifestyle considerations Having a baby changes the way you live.

Beth. “John and I love our daughter very much, but I think having her has been hard, for him especially. He wasn’t really ready to be tied down. John still likes to spend a lot of time out with his friends. That leaves me alone taking care of Emmy. I keep wondering when john is going to start acting more like a husband and father”

Ben. “ Before the baby came along, Katie and I spent a lot of time with our friends. We took weekend bike trips, played tennis, went out to movies – you name it. We’ve had to cut way back on all that and I miss is a lot.”

Step 2 – Examining Readiness

Measuring Maturity – Financial Considerations37. Is there a steady source of income? Does it meet

expenses? How much income goes into savings? What other expenses are there?

38. What cost will result from pregnancy, birth, and providing for a child?

39. Do you have extended health care coverage?40. Who will take care of the baby? If a parent stays home

will one income be enough?41. If paid childcare is necessary – how much will it cost?42. Will larger living quarters be needed immediately? In

six months? In a year?

Step 3 – Identify your pressures to Have Children

Oftentimes, people knowingly or unknowingly, will place extra pressure on couples to have children.

Some of the more commonly used phrases or social pressure tactics include:

Social Pressures:

Social Pressures: Once you have a partner, it is the next logical step… All our friends are having children…. Keeps a marriage together (saves a shaky marriage)…. Keeps you young… The rewards of love and affection from a child (someone

will love me)….

Phrases: “When will you start a family (you are not a family until a

child joins you)” “You are not a woman until you have had a child” “I want grandchildren”

Key Question

1. Review the pressures to have children. Explain whether you believe they are good reasons or bad reasons.

2. List each pressure and the reasons (good or bad) in a chart similar to the one on the right.

3. In your opinion, what are the best reasons for having children? Explain your answer.

Pressure

Good Bad Why?

Step 4 – Identify Challenges of Parenthood

Since parenthood spans many years, it can include many ups and downs. Every family is different, therefore, not all families will experience parenthood in exactly the same way, but they will face similar challenges. The challenges continue and change with each stage of the child’s development.

Other challenges, include:1. divorce,2. death, 3. poverty, 4. special needs children, 5. and job changes or loss

Step 4 – Identify Challenges of Parenthood

When potential parents educate and prepare themselves for parenthood, they actually reflect and analyze critically the possible scenarios that could happen. As they reflect, they can better understand the actions and decisions of their own parents and can speculate about their own future parenting experience.

Step 4 – Identify Challenges to Parenthood

The challenges of parenthood are many but the most commonly cited ones are:

1. Balancing work and family. 2. Lack of sleep. 3. Caring for a sick infant. 4. Financial considerations. 5. Disciplining young children. 6. Meal Planning. 7. Time Management. 8. Finding appropriate child care. 9. Lifestyle changes. 10. Effects on other family members.

Step 5A – Detailed look at challenges

Financial Create a baby budgetWhat do you think it costs to raise a child?

Step 5B – Detailed look at challenges

Time Management Create a Parent Schedule Parenthood is a 24 hour, 7 days a week

commitment. What does a parent’s schedule look like? How many hours in a day do they have to themselves?

Pleasures of Parenting

Laughing Babies; you tube videosVisit Baby Centre .com and set up an

accountShare highlights from our own childhood