prevent bullying: tips & skills for parents
DESCRIPTION
UB EAP workshop held on December 13, 2011.TRANSCRIPT
Amanda Nickerson, PhDAssociate Professor and Director
Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse PreventionUniversity at Buffalo
[email protected]/alberticenter
UB Employee Assistance Program WorkshopDecember 13, 2011
Participants will:• Define and recognize bullying
• Learn about the role of bullies, targets, peers (bystanders), schools, and families
• Identify strategies that parents can use to prevent and intervene in bullying situations
Intentional, usually repeated acts of verbal, physical, or written aggression by a peer (or group of peers) operating from a position of strength or power with the goal of hurting the victim physically or damaging status and/or social reputation
Olweus (1978); United States Department of Education (1998)
Physical bullying• punching, shoving, acts that hurt people
Verbal bullying• name calling, making offensive remarks
Indirect bullying• spreading rumors, excluding, ganging up
Cyber bullying• sending insulting messages, pictures or threats
by e-mail, text messaging, chat rooms
Hinduja & Patchin (2009)
Teasing: Fun, good-natured, “give-and-take” between friends to get both parties to laugh
Bullying: Based on a power imbalance; intent to cause psychological or physical harm; usually repeated
Conflict: A struggle, dispute, or misunderstanding between two equal forces
Estimates vary WIDELY, but according to student self-report...•20-25% have bullied at least once5-20% bully consistently
•15-40% are targets of bullying20-25% are bullied regularly~ 10-40% are cyber-bullied1-2% are extreme victims who experience severe traumatization or distress
Carylyle & Steinman (2007); Cowie (2000); Hindjua & Patchin (2010); Nansel et al. (2001); Perry, Kusel, & Perry (1988); Skiba & Fontanini (2000)
Pre-K through late high school (and beyond); peaks in middle school • Physical bullying declines as children get older• Social, verbal, and cyberbullying continue
through high school
Anywhere; most likely in less closely supervised areas • Bus, locker room, playground,
lunch, hallways, and everywhere(for cyberbullying)
Boys• More direct, physical bullying• Bully more frequently than girls• Bully both boys and girls
Girls• More indirect • More subtle, hard to detect, and often occurs in
groups• Tend to target other girls of the same age• Cyberbullying slightly more common than for
males
Banks (2000); Cook, Williams, Guerra, Kim, & Sadek, (2010); Crick & Grotpeter, (1995); Hinduja & Patchi (2009); Hoover & Oliver, (1996); Nansel et al., (2001); Olweus, (2002);
Underwood, (2003)
Culture & Community
School (Staff/Peers) Family Bully, Target, and
Bystander
Adapted from Swearer & Espelage (2004)
Desire for power and control Get satisfaction from others’ suffering Justify their behavior (“he deserved it”) More exposed to physical punishment More likely to be depressed Engage in other risky and delinquent
behaviors•Alcohol and drug use•Fighting
Batsche & Knoff (1994); Beaver, Perron, & Howard, (2010); Olweus (1993); Swearer et al. (in press); Vaughn, Bender, DeLisi, (in press)
Refer to others negatively (wimp, loser) Lack empathy Strong need to get his or her own way Hostile/defiant attitude Anger easily Deny involvement or blame others when
behavior addressed
Have a position of relative weakness•Age, ethnic background, financial status, disability, sexual orientation
Most are passive and lack assertiveness•Do nothing to invite aggression•Do not fight back when attacked•May relate better to adults than peers
Fewer provoke others (provocative victims or bully-victims)•Offend, irritate, tease others•Reactive; fight back when attacked
Boivin, Poulin, & Vitaro (1994); Hodges & Perry (1999); Olweus (1978, 1993, 2001); Schwartz (2000); Snyder et al. (2003)
Unexplained illnesses, cuts/bruises
Not want to go to school or be in social situations
Any change in behavior • Not interested in doing things he/she used to like doing• Withdrawn
More likely to experience legal or criminal troubles as adults (even after controlling for other risk factors)
Poor ability to develop and maintain positive relationships in later life
Andershed, Kerr, & Stattin (2001); Farrington (2009);Farrington, & Ttofi (2009, 2011); Oliver, Hoover, & Hazler
(1994); Olweus (1993); Ttofi & Farrington (2008)
Emotional distress Loneliness, peer rejection Desire to avoid school Increased anxiety, depression, suicidal
ideation; low self-esteem In some cases, may respond with extreme
violence
Boivin, Hymel, & Bukowski (1995); Boulton & Underwood (1992);Crick & Bigbee (1998); Egan & Perry (1998); Hinduja, & Patchin, (2009);Kochenderfer & Ladd (1996);Nickerson & Sltater (2009);Olweus (1993); Perry et al. (1988)
Peers see 85% of bullying (most join in, some ignore, small number intervene)
Peers are influential in early adolescence, when they are more supportive of bullying and less likely to intervene• Bullying = higher social status in a group• Adolescents seek out peers who display more
independent, aggressive as opposed to more adult-like, conforming behaviors
• “Culture of silence”
Charach et al. (1995); Hawkins, Pepler, & Craig
Bullying is more likely to thrive in:• Unsupportive or unhealthy school climates• Environments lacking in sense of belonging for students
and strong relationships among and between students, teachers, and families
• Schools where adults ignore or dismiss bullying behaviors• Schools who serve students who are not academically
engaged
Doll, Song, Champion, & Jones, (2011); Holt, Keyes, & Koenig, (2011); Kasen, Johnson, Chen, Crawford, & Cohen, (2011); Swearer (in press)
LEADERSHIP IS CRITICAL!!!
Often not involved in bullying problem or resolution• Intervene less than 10% of the time• Not told about problem (victims fear
reprisal)
Powerful influence on peer acceptance of others• Warmth, positive feedback leads to greater
peer acceptance
Banks (1997); Chang (2003); Cohn & Canter (2002); Hughes, Cavell, & Willson (2001); Limber (2002);
Mullin-Rindler (2003); Skiba & Fonanini (2000); White, Sherman, & Jones (1996)
For children who bully, there may be…• Less warmth, involvement, supervision• Lack of clear, consistent rules• Harsh/corporal punishment• Parental discord• Domestic violence/child abuse
For children who are bullied, there may be…• More intense, overprotective parenting (for
boys) • Threats of rejection and lack of assertion (for
girls)• Inconsistent discipline practices (overprotective
and neglectful) without warmth for bully-victims For children who intervene, there may be…
• More open, trusting relationships with mothersBowers et al. (1994); Finnegan et al. (1998); Ladd & Ladd (1998);
Nickerson, Mele, & Princiotta (2008); Olweus, Limber, & Mihalic (1999)
What Can We Do?We must not, in trying to think about how we
can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add
up to big differences that we often cannot foresee.
Marian Wright EdelmanFounder and President of the Children's Defense Fund
Model treating others with dignity and respect• Avoid using derogatory terms towards others
(gay, retard, wimp)
Watch (and listen) in social interactions Have high expectations for behavior
and a low tolerance for being mean
Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes. - Chinese Proverb
Visit gse.buffalo.edu/alberticenterfor other resources and conversation starters
Don’t join in…speak up if it is safe to do so Band together as a group against bullies Tell an adult about the bullying
•Tattling = telling adult to get someone in trouble
•Telling = telling an adult because someone’s behavior is unsafe or hurtful to another
Reach out to isolated peers, offer support See http://wearethesolution.net/
Interventioncentral.org
Having a close friend and being liked decreases likelihood of victimization
Friends can buffer against negative effects of bullying
Hodges, Boivin, Vitaro, and Bukowski (1999); Hodges, Malone, & Perry (1997); Pellegrini, Bartini, and Brooks (1999)
Teach responsible use of technology
• Written communication – can be traced
• Only communicate things that you would be OK about your parents seeing
• Follow rules (no Facebook under age of 13)
• Beware of anonymous sites like Formspring
• Use the “off” switch Do not respond to upsetting
communications
Supervise and limit activities (no 24/7)• Have computers in common areas (not in
bedroom)• Know child’s password• Be friend on Facebook• Bring cell phones, computers to parents’ room
to charge overnight
Consider contracts www.cyberbullying.us for examples
FROM THE MOUTHS OF YOUTH http://www.pacer.org/bullying/video/player.asp?video=24
Listen • “Tell me what happened”
Empathize with feeling• “That must have been very scary for you”
Take it seriously • Do not minimize or trivialize
Work with child to problem-solve• Simple responses like “just ignore it,” “give him a good whack”
Work in partnership with school! Follow-up
Focus on the behavior (not on the child as a person)• Apply logical, meaningful consequences
Work with school to develop plan• Increase empathy and perspective taking• Teach problem-solving to manage emotions• Cognitive restructuring for problematic
attributions (e.g., “He deserved it;” “Now they know who is in charge”)
• Assess for other problems (e.g., drugs, suicidality)
Try to keep emotions in check and avoid placing blame when contacting school
Explain the situation, its effect, your child’s concern, and your desire to work with the school to address the issue
Ask what you can do to help
Follow-up and document
Local Resources for Families Catholic Charities – 218-1400 Child & Adolescent Treatment Services Intake – 835-7807 Child & Family Services – 842-750 Prevention Focus/Teen Focus – 884-3256 Erie County Council for the Prevention of Alcohol & Substance Abuse – 831-2298 Mental Health Association of Erie County – 886-1242
Referrals for Students in Crisis1-800-273-TALK (Suicide Lifeline)1-866-4-U-Trevor (LGBTQ Youth Suicide Hotline)716-834-1144 or 1-877-KIDS-400 (Buffalo Crisis Services Hotline)
Thank you for your attention and interest!
For more resources, please visit us at gse.buffalo.edu/alberticenter
To make the best use of our time, please make sure your question is…
1.A question, rather than a statement
1.Something I am likely to be able to answer