Target Who?They’re different.

As you walk to yourclassroom you see them —the kids who are “targets.” You know theones — the kids who are the“too” kids. Too tall, too short. Too fat, tooskinny, too smart, toostupid, too pretty, too ugly, too popular, too out, too in, too scrawny, too athletic, too mature, too immature, too quiet, too everything…

Maybe they’re the kids who don’t wear name-brand clothes who aren’t in the “in” crowd, or theones who may be havingproblems with their skin.Maybe they don’t have the“right” haircut or hang with the “right” friends.

Maybe they’re the kids whoaren’t confident or don’thave many friends. You know — the loners.Maybe they’re the kids who sit at the “uncool”table at lunch. Maybe they’re the gifted kids —you know, the really smart ones — or the kidswho go to special classes for reading or mathbecause learning is hard for them.

Maybe they look or act “funny” or “awkward”and because of that, people make fun of them.Maybe they have braces or wear glasses. Maybethey don’t have the latest game system, best cellphone, or the best shoes. Maybe they don’t havemoney. Maybe they have too much money. Forwhatever reason, they wear a target.

Targets are on the chests of different types ofpeople every day as you walk down the hallway,and all for different reasons.

And most school days as you walk to yourclassroom, you hope that the target is not on yourchest. All you want to do is blend in and hopethat the bullies pick someone else as their latestvictim.

But what happens when you feel like you’re theone who feels different? You feel like you’re theone who is “too” everything.

One thing is for certain — no one has a “right”to be a bully, and most certainly, no one shouldhave to endure a bully’s physical, emotional, orverbal abuse. Being the victim of a bully is notyour fault, and it is not a “ right of passage.”

You’re You!! A Celebration of DiversityAs you are in a class each day, walk to music orgym class, are active in after-school activities,are on the bus, or are at home with your family,you are your own person.

Part of growing up is growing into the personthat you are becoming. You have so much insideof you that is growing up on so many levels —your mind, how you work with people, yourfeelings and your body. All of those ways ofgrowing interact to help you become the specialperson that is you.

Taking the time to look at where you are withyourself is important. Be honest with yourselfand be true to who you are!! In the next part ofthis supplement, you will be asked to brainstormabout yourself.

Write quickly — as usually the first thing thatcomes to mind is the most honest and true!

Notice something about that exercise… Youfocused on things that are good aboutyourself for the first few lists, and then thebad was thrown in at the end. Here’s thehonest truth about growing up — Everyonehas things that we are not happy about withourselves, and more times than not — wefocus on the things we don’t like instead ofthe things that are great about ourselves! Thebad things take over our lives and the goodthings that we love about ourselves are oftenlost. No one is perfect, and learning to dealwith what we see in our own mirror is a hardfact of life.

3 Things You Love About How You Look On The Outside

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3 Things You Love About Your Personality

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3 Things That Your Friends Like About Being With You

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3 Things That You Wish You Could Change About Yourself

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But there is more to this. If you want to changesomething about yourself because YOU wantto change it — grow as a person, to feel goodabout yourself, to be a better person — that’sthe one thing, you have the choice to work tofind ways to change things about yourselfbecause of SOMEONE ELSE — so that someoneelse will accept you into “ the group”, so theteasing will stop, so that you can get into the“right” crowd — then wanting those changesare not for the best reasons.

If we were all the same, the world would be arather boring place. That’s the beauty of life.All the different skin types and colors, haircolors and styles, eye shapes and colors,beautiful personalities, voices, and so muchmore brings uniqueness to our world. If wecould just realize that our differences arewhat make us beautiful, then perhaps moretime would be spent enjoying others insteadof hurting others because of differences.

Too many times in your world, judgmentcomes by looking at outside appearances.Have you ever seen a clam or other bivalve?You know how it looks, right?

It’s all grimy and gross on the outside. There’sthis slime that is around the outside of theshell and they’re stinky. The shells thatthese mussels live in are not even veryattractive. Many times they have to be dugup from the dirt or mud, and sedimentsfrom the ocean or lake bottom have become

a part of the clam’s shell. They’re not alwaysthe prettiest things to look at…

But what could be inside of each of thoseclams is what is the true miracle. Every

bivalve like a clam or mussel inside of ashell has the potential to create andhouse something beautiful —something completely unique. Thatsomething it can create is a pearl.Pearls are created when foreignobjects get stuck inside the shell.The “pearly” side of the shell thenerodes and builds up around theforeign object to make the pearl.You may have heard of pearlsbeing created from a grain ofsand, and that can truly happen.That one little grain of sand cancreate something beautiful.

It’s only when the icky lookingclam is opened that we see the

beauty that could be within.

You are a bit like the clam. Comments may bemade about your outer appearance. Your hardshell may be filled with grime and gunk that hasbuilt up from everything around you —comments for so-called friends, snide remarks inthe lunch line, people judging your outerappearance, remarks on the bus, etc. But it is onlyuntil people take the time to truly get to knowyou for who you are that they get to see your“pearls” — your unique qualities that make youwho you are! It’s their loss if they can’t get past a“shell” to see the true you.

As you grow older, you’ll see that being differentis what life is all about. But right now, yourreality is that you don’t want to be the “fish out ofwater.” You want to be the one to blend in andnot get noticed, because if you’re noticed andaren’t ready for it, a bully (who more than likelyisn’t comfortable with the person that he/she ispresently…) could try to make himself/herselfsuperior in your world by making you feel badabout something and making you lose sight ofthe beauty and respect that you have for yourself.

The challenge becomes — How do you keep abully from harming you physically oremotionally?

BullyingBullying is all about one word — power. A bullyfeels power over those they think are “weaker”than he/she is either physically or emotionally.Fear drives a bully to harm others, and it’s oftenbecause the bully is not sure about something inhis/her life.

Beware of the BullyBeing bullied does not have to be part of schoollife. Knowing how bullies harm their “prey” can help you make good decisions to keepyourself safe.

Physical Bullying — Boys tend to bullyphysically more often than girls. Locker shoving,tripping, giving “swirlies” in the bathroom stalls,spitting on someone — you name it, and it’s beendone! Physical bullying can begin with somethinglike knocking off the books from a desk, bumpinginto someone in the hallway, and can escalateinto all out fights. The important thing toremember about physical bullying is that any sortof physical contact in an aggressive way isviolence. Violence is unacceptable and should bereported to a trusted adult — like a teacher,principal, parent or counselor. You don’t have to“take it” and you are not “tattling” if you havebeen in danger and speak with someone about it.

Emotional Bullying — Girls tend to bullyemotionally more than boys, but that doesn’tmean that boys are immune. It can take the formof spreading rumors, use of body language, notletting people in groups, and even cyber-bullying.Whatever form it takes, hearts can be hurt bythings that teachers and adults don’t even noticeuntil it’s too late. Emotional bullying can be justas harmful and hurtful as a punch in the gut.

How do you define a Bully?

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What are your “pearls” — your unique qualities that arewithin your shell that few people know about?

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They’re the girls who lead the cliques andwho pretty much feel like they run theschool. They usually have their noses ineveryone else’s private lives, decide whatother people think or do, and often spreadrumors about people if they don’t do whatshe wants them to… What they say usuallygoes — with regards to clothes, fashion, whois the most popular, who should go out withwhom, who gets to play what games on theplayground, etc. These girls are guilty ofsomething that is called relational bullying.This type of bullying isn’t physical. It buildsup and hurts every fiber of the person beingbullied to the core.

These girls work their relationships in orderto hurt other people. They threaten throughmean comments and sometimes a “justkidding” afterwards. They bully throughtheir body language — pointing, funnyfaces, rolling their eyes. They bully by notletting someone into the group, not lettingsomeone sit with them at lunch, and talkingbehind a person’s back. It also takes theform of horrible rumor spreading,whispering about someone, and so muchmore. This type of bullying is all about thepower of the “queen bee.” She is using herpower in a negative way to hurt another girlor make her feel bad about herself. That’swhy they’re sometimes called “mean girls.”

Sometimes it can even feel worse! Whatever form ittakes, it is unacceptable behavior and you do nothave to deal with it alone. These types of behaviorsare considered to be harassment, and most schoolshave policies that ban such behaviors. Again, seekthe help of a trusted adult if you are in such asituation. Having to deal with comments that hurtyou inside is not “just part of school.” No oneshould have to be made to feel small, low, orexcluded.

Cyberbullying — Yet another type of bullying thathas just come to be in the last few years iscyberbullying. While you may not be emailingfriends on the computer or text messaging them ona cell phone yet, you will be doing these thingssoon. Words can hurt — sometimes more thanhitting. When you start talking with your friends byemail or text messaging, think before you send yourmessage. Once you send it, you can’t take it back.

Relational Bullying — Although they’re not beingsent to the office for shoving and hitting, girls canbe the worst bullies of them all. You’ve heard ofthere being “queen bees” in your school, right?

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Has this happened to you? ________________________

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Choices — As you grow older, you earn theright to make more choices for yourself. Ifyou choose to hang out with someone whoputs other people down, you are just as guiltyas the person who says the mean things. Ifyou choose to roll your eyes at someone’soutfit and talk about them behind their back,you are guilty of being an emotional bully.

Choose to hang around people who arerespectful. Choose to treat other people well.Choose to help others who need a friend.Choose to carry yourself with dignity andpride. Choose to help other students who arebeing bullied. You are the better person bydoing those things.

Keep Yourself SafeYou have enough stressers in your life —homework, getting to your classes on time,getting to know your teachers, keeping trackof your extracurricular activities, knowingwhat’s going on in your family. The lastthing you need to be worrying about is beingbullied.

Physical bullying can happen anywhere, butit happens most often in the hallways, thelunchroom, on the bus, in the bathroom, oron the playground. One way to deal withthings if you are being physically bullied is totravel with a buddy or a couple of buddieswherever you go. There is strength innumbers, especially when dealing with

bullies. If you are not alone, there will bewitnesses to the bullying acts. Telling a bully tostop to attract attention also is a good strategy.You are not being weak when you ask for help.The bully is the one that is “in the wrong.”

Staying safe from an emotional bully can be alittle harder. The best way to counteract this typeof bullying is to be OK with who you are, just theway you are! Being confident in who you are isthe first step to staying strong during your schoolyears. It’s hard to be evaluated by your peers, andsometimes it’s the little things that add up. If youfeel as if you are being emotionally bullied, findsomeone you can confide in— a parent, teacher,counselor, or a friend. Keepingall of your emotions bottledup when you are reallyhurting inside won’t makethings better. Sometimesspilling out your emotions tosomeone you trust makes youfeel better, and you might getsome ideas for how to combatthe bullying from them. Isthere someone in your lifethat isn’t your parent or teacher that you canconfide in? This person can be an older brother orsister, trusted neighbor, a grandparent, or an aunt

or an uncle. Sometimes a person just needs to talkabout what is going on in his/her life. Findingsomeone that you are close to that you can sit andhave a soda or a snack with can help you copewith what goes on at school. Just knowing there issomeone that will listen to what you are feelingalways helps.

Facing the Hard TruthThe reality that you may have to deal withbullying in your life isn’t pleasant. In fact, thatreality is something that the adults in your lifewish you didn’t have to deal with… but you do.Knowing how to face this truth is about power —

the power that is within you! A bully won’t beable to hurt you if you love yourself just the wayyou are. A bully won’t be able to harm your self-

esteem if it has been built sostrong that nothing can shake it.A bully will see your confidencein yourself and won’t bothercoming near you, as they knowtheir comments will just slideright off of you. Be proud of theyou that you are becoming.Live your life in a way that isfull of confidence and truth.The bottom line is this — treatothers with respect and theywill treat you well right back!!

Whom would you go to if you needed to chat about something? Think of 3 people that you could confide in.

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