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8/9/2019 Return to Lore

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I was once a princess, heir to the throne of Lore, but someone thoughtthat I would strive to take power one day so they married me off until Iwas just the wife of a duke who could have been old enough to be myuncle. Instead, my second cousin sits on my throne. But I didnt care Ihad no want to go to Court or get my throne back. I just wanted to live

a peaceful life with my husband, spending the rest of our lives togetherin our quiet estate far out into the country.I didnt love my husband like a lover, but I had some adoration and

admiration of him. He was caring and kind, and in some ways, he wasalso loving. He was a handsome man, almost in his thirties, while I wasonly fifteen. He never showed a mean face to anyone not even to theservants children who did their best to cause mischief around theduchy. Instead, he lectured them with a few words and sent them ontheir way.

My name was High Princess Kerthina Susanna Elizabeth. Now, itsjust Lady Duchess Kerthina Susanna Elizabeth. I had been married to

my lord Bren Dales ever since I was deemed old enough to leave home which was at eleven years of age.

We had a quiet life in the countryside, with regular visits fromBrens friends. They entertained us with stories from Court and oftenstayed for a long time. We didnt mind and let them stay as long asthey wished.

All in all, I wished for this peace to never end. I didnt want thethrone of Lore, despite what many might think, and I didnt care howthe kingdom was run so long as it didnt bother us here in our landsfar away.

My lady, Bren called down the hallway to me.I always smiled when I heard his voice. It was a gentle voice, one

that everyone likes to hear all the time. I was in our bedroom at themoment, looking out over the landscape from the large windows. Imin here, my lord, I called back.

Bren entered.Bren was a slender and gentle man, with pale blonde hair and warm

grey eyes. He moved with a careless grace that seemed more naturalthan practiced. When I turned to him, he crossed the rest of the roomin three great strides to me and swung me up into the air, swinging mearound once. I laughed as he set me gently down on my feet.

How are you this morning? I asked him with a smile.He gently cupped the side of my face with a smile and let me go. I

stepped back from him, locking my hands behind my back. Had alittle sparring practice with the men, oversaw some problems in thecountryside, took a little ride, he said with a gentle shrug as if none ofthe things he had listed mattered. Then he smiled again. And you?


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I reached for his hand and he gave it to me. Together, we walkedout of the sunny little room. Spent some time painting on that neweasel you bought me for my birthday, I replied, smiling up at him.

He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. Happy fifteenth,he told me, and then he was gone. Bren was always busy with one

thing or another, despite our quiet life in the country.What I did mind was that though I was his wife and I was young, Iwas only a teenager to him. So he was gentle and had a very firm ruleabout touching. He only allowed holding hands, and if we kissed, it wasonly our cheeks that would be touched, or in my case, the top of myhead. When we slept at night, we slept in the same bed, but at theopposite sides, never touching.

It drove me crazy sometimes, how we couldnt come closer to eachother as a husband and wife should be. I had seen other couples in thevillage and when Brens friends visited us and they brought along theirspouses. They were always close to each other, touching each others

hair, looking at each other with expressions of love that I could notbear. But I knew the reasons for what he was doing and I had torespect that, though it drove me mad.

Going back to the art room that Bren had made especially for me inour castle, I went up to the beautifully carved easel in the center of theroom, turned so that the sun shone gently on it. On it was a finishedportrait of Bren and me that I had been making as a thank-you presentfor him. I gazed at a long time at our intertwined hands, the only thingconnecting us together, and sighed.

I still couldnt decide whether or not I would give this to him. I hadbeen done with it for days now, and it was beautiful, but I was torn, for

some reason, just looking at it.Suddenly, Bren was there again, coming around my side. He sat

down on the couch next to me and I leaned against him. At first, hestiffened, but then he relaxed and put an arm around me, though hedidnt pull me closer. Its beautiful, he commented on my painting. Ismiled. Painting was one of my most favorite hobbies it also ran inthe family my mother before me had also painted, and so did hermother before her and so on. But why do we look so sad?

I struggled to find the right words and he glanced down at me. Idont know, I finally said after a moment.

He turned me to look at him. Ker, are you unhappy? he asked me,

his eyes worried. You know that Ive done my best to make you happyhere. Anything you want, you can have it. You know that, right?

I nodded and looked away from his grey eyes. Sometimes I thoughtthat if I stared at those eyes long enough, he would know my thoughts.I didnt want him to know them. I just want you to treat me like yourwife, not like your daughter or ward, I finally said with a sigh.


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He looked at me startled. I do treat you like my wife. Anything ofmine is he cut himself off when I started to shake my head. Whathave I done wrong?

We dont touch, for one thing, I muttered, standing up,straightening my skirt out. He reached out and grabbed my hand,

standing up at the same time.What do you mean?I shrugged. I mean like, you never even just hold me. You play with

me, hold my hand, but you never come closer to me other than that, Iexplained.

He smiled at me gently. You know the reason why I want you toknow what its like to be a child before you must take over the dutiesof a grown woman, he told me. I looked up at his eyes.

Bren had been to the Court of Lore before. He had grown up thereand he knew very well, like all aristocrats that have been to Court, howto hide their feelings. And because of that, I couldnt tell what he was

thinking. Ive been trained all my life how to be a caring and goodwife, I told him tightly, standing up. He looked up into my eyes, a littlestartled at my hard tone. I pushed on. And when I finally am a wife to you you treat me like a child. Im fifteen, Bren. Im a woman now,not a child. And I have been ever since you met me.

He watched as I left the room. I didnt know why I had snapped athim so. I always was gentle towards him. But I guess it was because ofthe tension of the current situation. Then, as I started down the hall, Ilooked up to see Bren leaning against the wall in the hallway. How didyou get there faster than I did? I demanded.

He gave me a smile and pushed himself away from the wall. There

are a lot of secret passages here, and I didgrow up here as a boy andoften spent my summers alone exploring the passages, he explained,striding forward to take my hand. I tried to pull away from him but heheld on firmly. Ker, Im sorry. I didnt know that you felt this wayabout my treatment of you.

I looked up into his gentle eyes, full of genuine sorrow, and the fightimmediately left me as quickly as it had come. I forgive you, Imurmured, looking down at my feet. Gentle fingers touched my chin,making me look up again.

But the reason why I have put off this treatment of this kind isbecause of the problem the kingdom currently has at hand, he told

me quietly. Your cousin that sits on the throne is in an unstableposition.

Whats going on? I asked, suddenly alert at the mention of mycousin.

Bren put an arm around me and together, we walked down the hall.Well, it seems like your cousin has been ruling rather selfishly, taxingthe people rather harshly just so that he could host a feast for noapparent reason. Thats just one of the few reasons. Another reason is


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that there is a rumor going around that he plans to attack Kirev, ourlong-time ally, he told me quietly.

I stopped and stared in shock at him. But almost all Loreans areKirevians by either descent or immigration, I whispered. My ownmothers father was a Kirevian. If he goes to this war, then

The whole country will be ripped apart, he finished for me grimly.Not only that, Kerthina, but it is rumored that you will be leading anuprising against your cousin because you want back your throne.

I stared in shock at him. Then my knees buckled and he scooped meup before I crashed to the floor and instead, sat me against the wall.Im only fifteen, I whispered, putting my face into my hands. Hisgentle hand stroked my back soothingly. And I dontwant the throne.

Kerthina, you must make a choice you must leave thecountryside, go to the capital and stand next to your cousin at Court toshow everyone that you dont plan to lead a rebellion, or you musttake up arms and lead this rebellion and take back whats rightfully

yours by birth, he told me quietly.Leave the country? Why? I asked, looking up at him. I leaned

against his shoulder and twisted to get more comfortable.You must leave the country if you dont do any of these things

because your cousin may see you as a threat and you may findyourself in a position of peril to your life, he replied.

Well, Im not leaving. But I cant go to the capital either I cantface my cousin who took my throne from me, but neither can I lead arebellion, I said, thinking out loud for Brens benefit. Then I suddenlyrealized something. Where are you in all of this? And what does thishave to do with your treatment towards me?

Well, if you become queen, you will have to cancel our marriagewhich has still not been consummated in order to marry for the good ofthe country, he explained. And because of that, I didnt want to bethe reason why my country cant have an ally through a marriage.

Even if I do become queen, I wouldnt want any other person thanyou to guide me and help me with the ruling of Lore. Its a big job and Icant do it with someone who is a complete stranger to me, Imuttered. He was silent and I looked up at him.

He had the expression equal to someone who had just been hit inthe face. Thank you for that comment, he managed to say, his voicestrained as if he had a hard time speaking the words.

Its true, I insisted.He shook his head and looked away. Its not for you to decide.Why not? I asked him.He sighed. Well, we all have to make sacrifices for the greater

good. You might not always get what you want because you have tothink about whats the right thing to do in this case, you have to thinkabout whats good for Lore when you marry and every movement youmake will have to be decided based on whats good for Lore. Or you


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might end up with the same situation that your cousin is currently in,he explained to me.

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