HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES Ephesians 5:25-26

Topic for Men’s Breakfast - Dan Denham

Ephesians 5:25-33 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,26  so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,27  that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such

thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.28  So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife

loves himself;29  for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the

church,30  because we are members of His body.31  FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS

WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.32  This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.33  Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the

wife must see to it that she brespects her husband.1

1 Peter 3:7 “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with bsomeone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

Point 1: Husbands are commanded to love their wives as they do themselvesEph 5:25a “Husbands, love your wives,”Eph 5:33a “each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself,”

Point 2: Our example is Christ’s love for the ChurchEph 5:25b “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”Eph 5:29b-30 “. . .just as Christ also [loves, nourishes and cherishes] the church, because we are members of His body.”Even though Jesus led the disciples, He demonstrated His love by serving them in the Upper Room when He washed their feet.

Point 3: This command is not conditional on the wife loving the husbandEph 5:33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she brespects her husband.2

1 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (Eph 5:25–33). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.2 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (Eph 5:25–33). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

Point 4: A wife is a “good” thing from God. She is a blessing from God to lonely man.GEN 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”3 Note the contrast between all the previous “good” things God created. God can only do and make good things. God did not err in only creating Adam at first. He simply was not finished with His creation. Married men should pause periodically to reflect on the lonely and empty feelings we had before we found our wives.

ESV comment: Traditionally “helper.” The English word “helper,” because it can connote so many different ideas, does not accurately convey the connotation of the Hebrew word ֵעֶזר (’ezer). Usage of the Hebrew term does not suggest a subordinate role, a connotation which English “helper” can have. In the Bible God is frequently described as the “helper,” the one who does for us what we cannot do for ourselves, the one who meets our needs. In this context the word seems to express the idea of an “indispensable companion.” The woman would supply what the man was lacking in the design of creation and logically it would follow that the man would supply what she was lacking, although that is not stated here. See further M. L. Rosenzweig, “A Helper Equal to Him,” Jud 139 (1986): 277–80.

As a husband and wife demonstrate oneness in their marriage, they reflect the unity of the Godhead. Oneness involves being in agreement with God's will and purposes. Oneness is essential for an orchestra, an athletic team, and a construction crew, as well as a family, to achieve a common purpose. Oneness in marriage is essential if husband and wife are to fulfill God's purposes for humankind. As a husband and wife demonstrate oneness in their marriage, they reflect the unity of the Godhead. Oneness involves being in agreement with God's will and purposes. Oneness is essential for an orchestra, an athletic team, and a construction crew, as well as a family, to achieve a common purpose. Oneness in marriage is essential if husband and wife are to fulfill God's purposes for humankind. Dr. Constable’s Notes on Genesis, 2016, pp. 28-29

Point 5: She is a companion to him and one flesh (see note above and the following).GEN 2:22-23: The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”4 Also Gen 5:1 and 5:3Matthew Henry’s Commentary: That the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.5

As a husband and wife demonstrate oneness in their marriage, they reflect the unity of the Godhead. Oneness involves being in agreement with God's will and purposes. Oneness is essential for an orchestra, an athletic team, and a construction crew, as well as a family, to achieve a common purpose. Oneness in marriage is essential if husband and wife are to fulfill God's purposes for humankind. As a husband and wife demonstrate oneness in their marriage, they reflect the unity of the Godhead. Oneness involves being in agreement with God's will and purposes. Oneness is essential for an orchestra, an athletic team, and a construction crew, as well as a family, to achieve a common purpose. Oneness in marriage is essential if husband and wife are to fulfill God's purposes for humankind. Dr. Constable’s Notes on Genesis, 2016, pp. 51-52.

Point 6: Marriage is established and repeatedly supported in scripture.GEN 2:24, Mt 19:4-5, Mk 10:8, 1 Cor 6:16, Eph 5:31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.6

One flesh or one unit is the strongest relationship among humans and Jesus appeals to this institution in setting out His view of marriage in Matt 19:4-5.

The reason for a man's leaving his father and mother, cleaving to his wife, and becoming one flesh with her was not sexual, then. It had to do with Eve's origin in Adam: since woman came from man, man should unite himself with woman to recapture their original unity. Dr. Constable’s Notes on Genesis (2016), p. 52 citing Robert H. Gundry, Mark, pp. 531-32. See Charles A. Clough, "Responding to Government's Declaration that 'Marriage' Is Merely a Social Construct: A Proposal to Reform the Wedding Service in Bible-Believing Churches," Journal of Dispensational Theology 18:53 (Spring 2014):7-46.

3 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (Ge 2:18). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.4 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (Ge 2:22–23). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.5 Henry, M. (1994). Matthew Henry’s commentary on the whole Bible: Complete and unabridged in one volume (10). Peabody: Hendrickson.6 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (Ge 2:24). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

When the apostle Paul discusses marriage [in Eph 5:31-32] and wishes to speak of the relationship between husband and wife, he does not look back to any sections of the Old Testament telling about the situation after sin came into the world. Rather, he looks all the way back to Genesis 2, prior to the Fall, and uses that creation order to speak of marriage.Grudem, W. (2002). The Key Issues in the Manhood-Womanhood Controversy, and the Way Forward. In W. A. Grudem (Ed.), Biblical foundations for manhood and womanhood (W. A. Grudem, Ed.). Foundations for the Family Series (36). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, p. 36

Point 7: Woman is also created in the image of God.GEN 1:26-27 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.7

[Also see Gen 5:1 & 3; Eph 4:23-24; Col 3:10; James 3:9; Gen 9:6; 1 Cor 11:17; Col 1:15 regarding “image”]

Point 8: A husband who loves his wife is concerned how he may please her1 Cor 7:32-34a But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. 8

Point 9: A wife wants to be significant to her husband1 Pet 3:7a You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with bsomeone weaker, since she is a woman”When we were dating (and trying to catch her), we had utmost focus, attention, and understanding on her. In other words, we valued what she said and how she acted. We need to continue our focus on our wivcs, because God commands it. And if He commands it, it is ultimately good for us! See Ephesians 5:28.

Point 10: Bringing honor to your wife, brings great benefit from God1 Peter 3:7b “and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

• Peter banished any implication of essential "inferiority," with his reminder that the wife is a "fellow heir" of God's "grace" just as much as the husband. God deals with both types of people the same when it comes to bestowing grace on them. He shows no favoritism or partiality because of their genders. Wives may normally be more delicate in some respects than their husbands, but spiritually they are equal. "Life" probably refers to both physical life and spiritual life, since husbands and wives share both equally.

 • The husband who does not treat his wife with honor will not get answers to his "prayers" to the

degree he could if he treated her with honor (cf. Matt. 6:14-15; 1 Tim. 2:8). In other words, disobedience to the will of God regarding how a man treats his wife hinders the husband's fellowship with God.

 • "Egkoptesthai ['be hindered'], to have an obstacle thrown in the way, does not restrict the thought

to preventing the prayers from reaching their destination at God's throne of grace. The thought includes all manner of hindering. A husband who treats his wife in the wrong way will himself be unfit to pray, will scarcely pray at all. There will be no family altar, no life of prayer. His worship in the congregation will be affected.

7 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (Ge 1:26–27). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.8 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (1 Co 7:32–34). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

Dr. Constable’s Notes on 1 Peter 2016 Edition

How do we honor our wives?

Point 11: Put it into practicea. Realize that you need help from God to apply these scripturesb. Add it to your prayer list in your own words, such as:

i. “Show me how to love my wife in a better way”ii. “Help me understand my wife more fully”

iii. “Help me show her that she is significant to me”iv. “Help me please her”

c. Take your pulse: If you are not demonstrating the Fruit of the Spirit around your wife, then you are falling short in this area (and others as well). FOS: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control

d. Reboot with confession to God – reconcile with Gode. Reconcile with your wifef. Recall scripture in this area (Shampoo: Wash, rinse, repeat)

Share (optional) things you admire about your wife

Recap & SummaryEphesians 5:25-33 & 1 Peter 3:7 command us to love, understand, and honor our wives.

1. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as they love themselves.2. Our example is Christ’s love for the Church3. The command is not conditional4. A wife is a “good” thing from God. She is a blessing from God to lonely man.5. She is a companion to him and one flesh.6. Marriage is established and repeatedly supported in scripture.7. Woman is also created in the image of God.8. A husband who loves his wife is concerned how he may please her.9. A wife wants to be significant in the eyes of her husband.10. Bringing honor to your wife brings great benefit from God.

Put loving your wife into practice.

Eph 5-21-33

1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;2  and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a

sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.3  But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among

saints;

4  and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.

5  For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

6  Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.

7  Therefore do not be partakers with them;8  for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light9  (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth),

10  atrying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.11  Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even dexpose them;12  for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.13  But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes

visible is light.14  For this reason it says,

“Awake, sleeper,And arise from the dead,And Christ will shine on you.”

15  Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,16  amaking the most of your time, because the days are evil.17  So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.18  And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,19  speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody

with your heart to the Lord;20  always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to bGod, even the Father;21  aand be subject to one another in the bfear of Christ.9

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.23  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being

the Savior of the body.24  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in

everything.25  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,26  so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,27  that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such

thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.28  So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife

loves himself;29  for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the

church,30  because we are members of His body.31  FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS

WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.32  This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.33  Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the

wife must see to it that she brespects her husband.10

9 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (Eph 5:1–21). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

1 Pet 3:1-7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with bsomeone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.11

Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

1 Th 4:4 | that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,

1 Co 7:3 | The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

COMMENTARIES ON EPHESIANS 5:25-33

MATTHEW HENRY’S COMMENTARYII. The duty of husbands (on the other hand), is to love their wives (v. 25); for without this they would

abuse their superiority and headship, and, wherever this prevails as it ought to do, it will infer the other duties of the relation, it being a special and peculiar affection that is required in her behalf. The love of Christ to the church is proposed as an example of this, which love of his is a sincere, a pure, an ardent, and constant affection, and that notwithstanding the imperfections and failures that she is guilty of. The greatness of his love to the church appeared in his giving himself unto the death for it. Observe, As the church’s subjection to Christ is proposed as an exemplar to wives, so the love of Christ to his church is proposed as a pattern to husbands; and while such exemplars are offered to both, and so much is required of each, neither has reason to complain of the divine injunctions. The love which God requires from the husband in behalf of his wife will make amends for the subjection which he demands from her to her husband; and the prescribed subjection of the wife will be an abundant return for that love of the husband which God has made her due. The apostle, having mentioned Christ’s love to the church, enlarges upon it, assigning the reason why he gave himself for it, namely, that he might sanctify it in this world, and glorify it in the next: That he might sanctify and cleanse it, with the washing of water by the word (v. 26)—that he might endue all his members with a principle of holiness, and deliver them from the guilt, the pollution, and the dominion of sin. The instrumental means whereby this is affected are the instituted sacraments, particularly the washing of baptism and the preaching and reception of the gospel. And that he might present it to himself, etc., v. 27. Dr. Lightfoot thinks the apostle alludes here to the Jews’ extraordinary carefulness in their washings for purification. They were careful that there should be no wrinkle to keep the flesh from the water, and no spot nor dirt which was not thoroughly washed. Others understand him as alluding to a garment come newly out of the fuller’s hand, purged from spots, stretched from wrinkles, the former newly contracted, the latter by long time and custom. That he might present it to himself—that he might perfectly unite it to himself in the great day, a glorious church, perfect in knowledge and in holiness, not having spot, nor wrinkle, nor any such thing, nothing of deformity or defilement remaining, but being entirely amiable and pleasing in his eye, holy and without blemish, free from the least remains of sin. The church in general, and particular believers, will not be without spot or wrinkle till they come to glory. From this and the former verse together we may take notice that the glorifying of the church is intended in the sanctifying of it: and that those, and those only, who are sanctified now, will be glorified hereafter.—So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, etc., v.

10 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (Eph 5:22–33). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.11 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (1 Pe 3:7). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

28. The wife being made one with her husband (not in a natural, but in a civil and in a relative sense), this is an argument why he should love her with as cordial and as ardent an affection as that which he loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, v. 29—(no man in his right senses ever hated himself, however deformed, or whatever his imperfections might be); so far from it that he nourishes and cherishes it; he uses himself with a great deal of care and tenderness, and is industrious to supply himself with every thing convenient or good for him, with food and clothing, etc. Even as the Lord the church: that is, as the Lord nourishes and cherishes the church, which he furnishes with all things that he sees needful or good for her, with whatever conduces to her everlasting happiness and welfare. The apostle adds, For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones, v. 30. He assigns this as a reason why Christ nourishes and cherishes his church-because all who belong to it are members of his body, that is, of his mystical body. Or, we are members out of his body: all the grace and glory which the church has are from Christ, as Eve was taken out of the man. But, as one observes, it being the manner of the sacred writings to express a complex body by the enumeration of its several parts, as the heaven and earth for the world, evening and morning for the natural day, so here, by body, flesh, and bones, we are to understand himself, the meaning of the verse being that we are members of Christ.—For this cause (because they are one, as Christ and his church are one) shall a man leave his father and mother; the apostle refers to the words of Adam, when Eve was given to him for a meet help, Gen. 2:24. We are not to understand by this that a man’s obligation to other relations is cancelled upon his marriage, but only that this relation is to be preferred to all others, there being a nearer union between these two than between any others, that the man must rather leave any of those than his wife.—And they two shall be one flesh, that is, by virtue of the matrimonial bond. This is a great mystery, v. 32. Those words of Adam, just mentioned by the apostle, are spoken literally of marriage; but they have also a hidden mystical sense in them, relating to the union between Christ and his church, of which the conjugal union between Adam and the mother of us all was a type: though not instituted or appointed by God to signify this, yet it was a kind of natural type, as having a resemblance to it: I speak concerning Christ and the church.

After this, the apostle concludes this part of his discourse with a brief summary of the duty of husbands and wives, v. 33. “Nevertheless (though there be such a secret mystical sense, yet the plain literal sense concerns you) let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, with such a sincere, peculiar, singular, and prevailing affection as that is which he bears to himself. And the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Reverence consists of love and esteem, which produce a care to please, and of fear, which awakens a caution lest just offence be given. That the wife thus reverence her husband is the will of God and the law of the relation.12

Holman Bible Handbook CommentaryNEW RELATIONSHIPS: Paul now applied his teaching to particular life relationships. Wise believers filled with the Spirit who mutually submit one to another are to live out these truths in household relationships. Three relationships are addressed: wives and husbands, children and parents, servants and masters. In each of these relationships the first partner is exhorted to be submissive or obedient (5:22; 6:1, 5). The second person in the relationship shows submissiveness by Christlike love (5:25) and concerned care (6:4, 9). All relate to one another as service to the Lord. All concerned experience personal worth, value, security, and significance when these reciprocal relationships are exercised under the lordship of Christ.13

TEACHER’S BIBLE COMMENTARY

12 Henry, M. (1994). Matthew Henry’s commentary on the whole Bible: Complete and unabridged in one volume (2317–2318). Peabody: Hendrickson.13 Dockery, D. S., Butler, T. C., Church, C. L., Scott, L. L., Ellis Smith, M. A., White, J. E., & Holman Bible Publishers (Nashville, T. (1992). Holman Bible Handbook (717). Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers.

Christian Attitudes and Actions (Eph. 4:1–6:24)

The lofty concepts of the earlier chapters are now translated into practical duties for the believer. These are some guidelines for Christian thought and behavior. The Christian must “walk worthy” (4:1).

First, Paul stresses the need for unity (vv. 1–16). God’s calling requires special attitudes in response, attitudes of consideration for others. He lists seven unifying factors among believers (vv. 4–6). Even the diversity of abilities should be integrated into the central purpose of the church (vv. 7–16). Each member is endowed with some capacity for service. There are no exceptions.

Right attitudes are important, but they are sterile without right actions. The new life in Christ is contrasted with the old life (vv. 17–29). A difference in character will mean a difference in conduct. The Holy Spirit is an active agent in this new quality of daily life (vv. 30–32).

Chapter 5 continues with social ethics guidelines. The subject shifts from internal relationships of the church to ethics in a society that is alien to God and hostile to God’s children. In 5:1–21 Paul lists the kinds of things that should characterize the believer. They are intended to be part of a contrasting life-style to the pagan world. Paul does not call for isolation from the world, however. This would contradict the missionary imperative each believer has. But he does call for differentness in manner of life.

Marriage and home relationships should be affected by the Christian way of life. He suggests some practical out-workings of their faith in the man-wife relationships (vv. 22–32). He finds a good illustration for his purpose in the ties which bind Christ and the church.

Further fruits of Christian love should be found in household circles (6:1–9). The believer should have, as a by-product of his faith, unity and harmony in his home relationships. Parent-child behavior should reflect special qualities above and beyond the normal expectations of pagan society. Master-servant roles are to be tempered by consideration and respect not usually found in the Greco-Roman world of that time.

The kind of life Paul has outlined will not be easy. It will be a constant battle for which the beleaguered Christian minority must be equipped (vv. 10–20). Paul therefore spells out the Christian warrior’s power (v. 10), his armor (v. 11), his foes (vv. 12–17), and his resources (vv. 18–20). The description is so vivid that we can visualize the prison guard Paul might have been looking at when he wrote these lines. He emphasizes the difficulties of this embattled kind of life, reminding them that he himself is an ambassador for Christ “in bonds.” The victories in Christ described earlier are worthy of the struggles outlined at the close of this letter, and vice versa.14

TEACHER’S COMMENTARY

CommentaryEach section of Ephesians adds to our understanding of our identity together as the church. Each shows how we can help each other know Christ better. Looking back over these sections, we can sense the wonder of it all—and see practical guidelines for a vital new lifestyle.

Ephesians 1–2. Here we see Jesus, raised from the dead to the Father’s side as Head of the church. And we see our new identity in Him. We, who were cut off from God by sin, are forgiven and provided with spiritual life. The power that raised Jesus from the dead fills us, lifting us out of our inadequacy and empowering us for something new. We now live in hope, because we are in constant touch with a God who has committed Himself to us.

All this is ours because of Jesus Christ. Seeing Him as the Source of our life moves Paul to expression after expression of praise.

Ephesians 2–3. In these chapters we learn that power for the new life God has given us is channeled through the community of the church. We are not to live isolated lives; we are to live in intimate

14 Fields, W. C. (1972). Ephesians. In H. F. Paschall & H. H. Hobbs (Eds.), The teacher's Bible commentary (H. F. Paschall & H. H. Hobbs, Ed.) (747–748). Nashville: Broadman and Holman Publishers.

relationship with other believers. To illustrate this, Paul portrayed the church as a body, a family, and a holy temple. Each of these images stressed the fact that the church is one. We are to seek, and maintain unity in order to experience together the divine power.

Living together as a body, we build one another up and grow toward maturity. As family, we find our attitudes and values changed as love becomes the touchstone of our lives. As God’s temple we find our lives taking on a holiness which exposes evil for what it is. Learning to live together as the church is the key to individual growth, love, and holiness. As we live in true fellowship with others we discover the living presence of God. The relationship between Christ and the individual is experienced in the fellowship of the saints.

Ephesians 4–5. The practical meaning of living together as a body, family, and temple is amplified in these chapters. Living in the body means each person ministers to other members, using the spiritual gifts supplied by God and developed by gifted leaders. Living as members of the family means coming to know and care for one another deeply, expressing that care in openness, compassion, forgiveness, and a deep involvement in each others’ lives. And, as we’ll see, living together as a holy temple means rejecting dark things and building our commitment to goodness, righteousness, and truth. All of these are learned within the context of the new community, created and led by Christ.

Again we see it clearly. To know the living presence of Jesus, we are called to experience the fellowship of the church. In the church, the new creation of God, we each will find renewal.

Renewal as a Holy Temple: Ephesians 5:3–20The church is a holy temple. Therefore, we are to live as God’s holy people.

Here the contrast is that of night and day, darkness and light. It’s as though we’ve passed through a pitch-black tunnel—stumbling, mired in dirt and filth—and then suddenly broken into the light. At first we’re blinded by the brilliance. Then, as our eyes adjust to the shimmering glow, we realize where we are. We’re in a new and different world, a world without impurity or greed or idolatry. A world of goodness, righteousness, truth, and purity. And this is how we are to live—with eyes opened to holiness, making the most of every opportunity to do God’s will. What is it like, this holy life? This too is found in relationships—in the way we live with others inside and outside the church. What are the marks of holiness in contrast to the ways of darkness?

As we live in love, caring for others rather than using them, we reveal the righteousness of God and we expose evil for what it is.

How does the church expose evil? By mounting a crusade, or picketing? Hardly. Evil is exposed by providing an example of righteousness.

Paul put it this way: “Everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible” (5:13–14). As children of light, we reveal darkness for what it is. In the light shed by the holiness of God’s people, evil is revealed as evil.

And so we again see the church: a body, a family, a holy temple. A people of God, not just individual Christians.

Ephesian EmphasisChapters Doctrine Empahsis

1–2 Christ is exalted as Head over all.

We have life and power in Him.

2–3The Church is one body, one family, and one holy temple

Unity is to be maintained.

4–5The church is to learn to live as body, family, and holy

We love and minister to each other and live together

temple righteously.

IndividualismIn reviewing what Ephesians teaches, we see a major difference between the church and our culture. Competitiveness is valued by our society. We are a nation of individualists; we approach life’s issues alone.

In school we work individually for grades, and compare with others to see whose score is highest. In sports we sometimes compete by teams, but always we keep individual statistics. In business the company that grows makes the best product, or promotes it most effectively. Each salesman works to make his quota, to be in the top for the month or year. We measure ourselves against others by our educations, our incomes, our cars, our vacations, and even by our roles in church organizations. Our society appreciates rugged individualism. The exaltation of one person above others is reflected in our ways of living together, and in our idea of what leadership involves. To win, compete, excel—all these things a person does against the crowd.

And then we come to the church of Christ, and enter another world. Here we see a living body that “grows and builds itself up … as each part does its work” (4:16). Every person ministering to others is the sign of a healthy body. Not competition but cooperation is the heart of the Christian lifestyle. Even leaders are not exalted as “the” ministers, but are subordinated to the members, whom they are to serve by equipping them for their ministering work!

Like a family, the church is more concerned with brothers’ and sisters’ needs than their accomplishments. It is more committed to love than victory. Love is what Jesus showed when He gave Himself for us. “As dearly loved children,” we are to “live a life of love” (5:1–2) that is just like Christ’s! We are invited to surrender personal ambitions and subordinate our needs to the needs of others, being wiling to give ourselves up for those who have become so dear.

Here too we see a holy temple, in which the struggle to lift ourselves above the others—to use them for our gain—is rejected in favor of goodness, righteousness, and truth.

The lifestyle of the church decisively rejects the individualism of society, and values cooperation over competition. This lifestyle does not exalt the leader over the led, but sees serving others as the highest calling. Unity leads us to abandon pride of place or position and accept each other as fully equal in the community we share. Paul portrays this new attitude in Philippians 2:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:1–8

This is the new world of relationships, so dramatically different from the world of individualism we have known.

But this new world raises many questions. What about the differences in station and position that exist in society? What about the great distinctions between slaves and free, parent and child, husband and wife? How do we live our new lives in our roles in society? Do we reject social order, to affirm the unity Christ has formed within the church? Paul turns to these questions in Ephesians 5.

Darkness Light

sexual immoralityimpuritygreedobsenitycoarse jokingidolatrydrunkenness

goodnessrighteousnesstruththanksgiving

Submission: Ephesians 5:21It seems strange to find Paul speaking of submission in view of his emphasis on unity. Accept a subordinate position? We who are lifted up in Christ, made so completely equal that Paul himself insisted, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28).

This idea of superior/subordinate positions—of submitting within the framework of societal roles and relationships—must have troubled the early church as it does us today. In three of the New Testament letters this same issue is explored. We hear the same message from each: “Wives, submit to your husbands” (Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18; see 1 Peter 3:1). “Children, obey your parents” (see Eph. 6:1; Col. 3:20). “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear” (Eph. 6:5; see Col. 3:22; 1 Peter 2:18). And for all, “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men” (v. 13). It is in the framework of the real world of human differences and inequalities that the church’s oneness is to be expressed.

How can this be? How can we experience oneness while recognizing and respecting the rights of those placed “over” us?

Mutual submission. Whenever we move into this area of authority, we tend to emphasize the “rights” of the superior to control or influence the person below. Paul immediately showed that control is not the frame of reference from which to begin. His discussion began with the command, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). We are to maintain a humbleness that considers others—whatever their place in life—as “better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil. 2:3–4). Maintaining an attitude of loving concern for one another strips authority of its “rights” and also strips submission of its humiliation. Whatever role we have been given provides an opportunity to serve our brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Mutual responsibilities. Reading through the passages in Ephesians, Colossians, and 1 Peter that deal with human relationships and societal roles, we find that the scales are not weighted in either direction! The child obeys parents in the Lord, but parents are not to exasperate or embitter their children. Discipline is to be distinctively Christian. The slave is to serve wholeheartedly. But masters are to treat the slave with consideration and concern, doing what is right and fair.

Within the context of whatever role, the Christian’s deep concern for others as persons is to guide and control.

Occasion to serve. The underlying thought is that authority and submission are not to be viewed as humiliation, but as providing different opportunities to serve. If I am a master, I serve my slaves by treating them with fairness and respect. If I am a slave, I serve my master with wholehearted loyalty.

The Christian attitude toward authority and submission is drastically opposed to the perceptions of the world, which see the one in authority as exalted, and the other as debased. There, each person’s value is determined by the position he holds. But in Christ’s church that whole pattern is rejected. Each persons’ value exists apart from his role. The slave is just as important to God as the master, the child as the parent, the woman as the man. It is simply that one who is a slave has a different kind of opportunity to serve than does the master. The Christian view of authority and submission shifts the focus completely from power, to service.

♥ Link to Life: Youth / AdultIn a minilecture explain the concept of societal roles not as power structures but as roles that give Christians differing opportunities to serve. Then divide into teams, to study parallel passages on submission, and to answer the questions below. Come back together to share insights.

Parallel Passages on SubmissionRelationship Eph. Col. 1 Peter

Husband/Wife 5:22–33 3:18–19 3:1–7

Parent/Child 6:1–4 3:20–21

Master/slave 6:5–9 3:22–4:1 2:18–21

Questions to explore

• How does each “superior” relationship provide an opportunity to serve?• How does each “subordinate” relationship provide this opportunity?• How might each person’s attitude toward authority affect the relationship between them?

Husband/Wife Relationships: Ephesians 5:22–33Nowhere is this concept seen more clearly than in marriage.

The pagan view. In Paul’s time, pagans saw women as inferior beings, playthings for the dominant male. To be “head of the house” was to accept the common notion that authority was the male’s rightful providence. Children and wives were only responsible to obey. The wife was not equal to her husband as a person, or in any other way. His needs and concerns dominated the household, and the wife existed to fulfill those needs and to serve him.

Contemporary interpretations of Ephesians 5 that describe the wife as finding total fulfillment in her relationship with her husband and household reflect the pagan, not the Christian view. So does the notion that the wife is so “under” the authority umbrella of her husband that she is not to speak or act except at his direction.

The Christian view. The Christian view is quite different. Women are seen as persons of equal worth and value. In the structure of society, men are given the role of head of the house, a role affirmed by God in this passage. But their headship is modeled on the way Christ loved the church, not on human systems of authority. This headship focuses attention on the way a “superior” is called to serve the “subordinate”! Specifically, Ephesians 5:27 portrays Christ as giving Himself up for the church “to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” In pursuit of this ministry, Christ nourishes and cares for the church. In the same way, husbands are to nurture their wives, seeking always to help the wife grow as a person and as a Christian.

What a contrast with the pagan view! Suddenly things are reversed. The wife is transformed from an unimportant adjunct, who exists only to meet her husband’s needs, to a person of intrinsic worth and value, becoming the focus of her husband’s concern. Instead of demanding that she live for him, he begins to live for her! Rather than keeping her under, he seeks to lift her up. Christian headship lifts the wife up as the rightful object of a husband’s loving concern.

In this context, the husband serves by being a Christlike head; the wife serves in responsive submission to one who lifts her up and holds her beside him.

♥ Link to Life: Youth / AdultAgain use a minilecture to sum up the difference in pagan and Christian views of headship, as expressed in Ephesians 5:22–33. Then divide into teams, asking half the teams to suggest how the couple in the case history will go about solving the problem if they adopt the “pagan” view of

headship in the home. The other half is to say how they will deal with it if they adopt the Christian view, taking Christ as the model who chose to serve His bride and build her up.

Each set of teams is to determine what this couple will do. Then hear reports from all.

Case History

Leona wants to go back to school for premedical training. Her goal is to become a doctor, so she can help others as well as support herself and their six-month-old daughter should something happen to Ben. This notion upsets Ben. A woman’s place is in the home, he says, especially since they have a baby. Besides, in his family the husband always takes care of the wife and children. To hear Leona talk about a career makes Ben feel uneasy.

But it’s tough for Leona too. Ben’s been out of work two times in the last six years—for long periods of time. She doesn’t like being a housewife and wants to use her God-given intelligence for something other than washing dishes. Besides, deep down she is not confident Ben will always take care of them. And she does not want her daughter to grow up on welfare if she can help it.

In summary. What both Paul and Peter do in their letters is to help us realize that our place in society is irrelevant to the oneness that is to exist in the church. For the Christian, who lives to serve others, the role in which that service is offered is unimportant. Slave and master are one in Christ, lifted up and seated with Him. How foolish then to define a brother first of all as “master,” and feel the alienation that “authority” often creates. How foolish to think of ourselves as unimportant if our role is that of “slave.” How useless to bridle against being a woman, as though it were better to be a man! How foolish, when we are all members of one body, one family, living stones in that holy temple constructed by the Lord. How freeing it is to realize that my worth and value as a person rests on who I am in Christ, and that my position in the world simply defines my opportunities to serve.15

EXPOSITOR’S BIBLE COMMENTARYE. Christian Relationships: Marriage (5:21–33)

The basic principle of Christian submissiveness that governs the community life of the church applies also to social relationships. Paul selects the most conspicuous of these and shows how they are transformed when controlled by a prior obedience to Christ. In Ephesians 5:21–33 he deals with wives and husbands; in 6:1–4, with children and parents; and in 6:5–9, with slaves and masters (cf. Col 3:18–4:1 for a close parallel).

Such instructions about the regulation of Christian households are often designated by the technical German term Haustafel (Table of Household Duties). It is not, however, a Christian invention, for both Jewish and pagan samples are extant (cf. Houlden, pp. 210, 211). The gospel placed these relationships on a revolutionary new footing, since all are subjected to the lordship of Christ. The Mishnah exempted “women, slaves, and minors” from reciting the Shema (Deut 6:4) with its recognition of a common Lord (M. Berakoth 3.3).

21 Commentators discuss whether this verse represents the conclusion of the previous section or the start of a new one. While grammatically it may be attached to v. 20, its content coincides more naturally with what follows. The verb “to submit” (hypotassō) occurs twenty-three times in Paul and denotes subordination to those considered worthy of respect, either because of their inherent qualities or more often because of the position they held. Christians are to submit to civil authorities, to church leaders, to parents, and to masters. The whole structure of society as ordered by God depends on the readiness of its members to recognize these sanctions. Without them anarchy prevails. The Christian, however, observes

15 Richards, L., & Richards, L. O. (1987). The teacher’s commentary (927–932). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

them not merely for their own sake, or even because they are imposed by God, but out of “reverence” (phobos) for Christ (cf. v. 17). Moreover, within the fellowship of the church (and Paul has this more prominently in mind than the community at large) this submission to others is reciprocal (“to one another,” allēlous). No one is to coerce another, for all voluntarily accept the discipline. Hence, any delusions of superiority are banished and no one thinks of himself more highly than he ought.

22 “Submit” is assumed here from the previous verse, since no verb appears. The fact that the sentence depends on v. 21 confirms the paragraph arrangement adopted in the NIV. It is to their own (idios) husbands that wives are to be subject (Col 3:18). The legally binding exclusiveness of the marriage relationship is thus underlined. “As to the Lord” differs slightly from “as is fitting in the Lord” in Colossians 3:18. In obeying her husband, the Christian wife is obeying the Lord who has sanctioned the marriage contract. It should be noted that all Paul says is within the context of a Christian marriage. He is not implying that women are inferior to men or that all women should be subject to men. The subjection, moreover, is voluntary, not forced. The Christian wife who promises to obey does so because her vow is “as to the Lord.”

23 The marriage relationship is now set out as being a reflection of the relationship between Christ and his church. This is to raise it to an unimaginably lofty level. In 1 Corinthians 11:12 Paul had already marked out a hierarchy in which God is seen as the head of Christ, Christ as the head of the man, and the man as the head of the woman. Here he looks at it from another angle. If the head of the woman is the man and the head of the church is Christ (Eph 1:22; 4:12, 16), then it is permissible to draw an analogy between the wife’s relationship to her husband and the church’s relation to Christ. Marriage is thus interpreted in the sublimest terms. It is compared with the marriage of the Lamb to his bride.

Unless we take the next comment as an aside that bears no relation to the analogy Paul is presenting, it must be assumed that there is an intended parallelism. It remains true, of course, that Christ is the Savior of his body, the church, in a unique manner. The word Savior (sōter) is never used in the NT except of Christ or God. But having recognized and safeguarded that vital truth, we may legitimately pursue the analogy and assume that Paul regards the husband, even if to an infinitely lesser degree, as the protector of his wife (cf. vv. 28, 29).

24 “Now” (alla) continues the same line of argument rather than reversing it. In other words, Paul is not saying that even though ultimately the relation of Christ to the church is incomparable, nevertheless wives should submit to their husbands. As Hendriksen explains (p. 249), he is pursuing a likeness rather than pointing out a difference: “as … so.” Here the verb “submit” stands unambiguously in the text and does not have to be supplied, as in v. 23. The church as the bride of Christ readily acknowledges his authority and seeks to please him in every respect. When marriage is seen in the light of this higher relationship between Christ and his body, the wife finds no difficulty in submitting to her husband, for he too has obligations to her in the Lord (vv. 25–33).

25 Paul turns to the reciprocal duties of the husband. In Greco-Roman society it was recognized that wives had obligations to their husbands, but not vice versa. In this, as in other respects, Christianity introduced a revolutionary approach to marriage that equalized the rights of wives and husbands and established the institution on a much firmer foundation than ever before. One word summed up the role of the wife—“submit” (v. 22). One word does the same for the husband—“love” (agapate). This is the highest and distinctively Christian word for loving. As over against eros (“sexual passion”) and philia (“family affection”) Paul chooses the verb agapaō to insist that the love of a Christian man for his wife must be a response to and an expression of the love of God in Christ extended to the church (cf. vv. 1, 2). Colossians 3:19 spells out the practical implications of such love: “do not be harsh with them.”

Once again the apostle draws a comparison between the marriage relationship and the relationship of Christ and the church (cf. vv. 22–24). It was on the cross that our Lord gave himself up for his bride. The analogy is all the more telling, since ekklēsia is feminine. This is an aspect of the atonement not given such prominence elsewhere in the NT. Paul himself has already declared that Christ laid down his life “for

our sins” (Rom 4:25; Gal 1:4), or “for me” (Gal 2:20), or “for us all” (Rom 8:32). Now he affirms that our Lord’s sacrificial death was “for her,” i.e., for the church. “For” (hyper) may carry substitutionary overtones, as in v. 2.16

28 Paul returns to his analogy and declares that just as Christ loves the church so husbands ought to love their wives as being one flesh with themselves. Christ loves the church, not simply as if it were his body, but because it is in fact his body. Husbands therefore are to love their wives, not simply as they love their own bodies, but as being one body with themselves, as indeed they are. Lest the staggering implication of what he has affirmed should fail to register with his readers, Paul puts it in another way to avoid ambiguity. So intimate is the relationship between man and wife that they are fused into a single entity. For a man to love his wife is to love himself. She is not to be treated as a piece of property, as was the custom in Paul’s day. She is to be regarded as an extension of a man’s own personality and so part of himself.

29 The apostle appeals to a self-evident fact. It will hardly be denied that no one ever hates his own body (sarx, “flesh”; cf. Gen 2:23; Eph 5:30, 31). He devotes himself to looking after it. He provides for it in every way. He supplies it with food (ektrephei) to promote its development and maintain its health. He cares for it and cherishes it (thalpei, literally, “keeps [it] warm”). This is how Christ loves his body, the church (v. 25), argues Paul. He appeals to the same principle when addressing husbands as he did when addressing wives. Wives are to obey their husbands as the church obeys Christ. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church.17

31 According to Foulkes, Genesis 2:24 contains “the most profound and fundamental statement in the whole of Scripture concerning God’s plan for marriage” (p. 161). Paul introduces the verse at this point to substantiate his argument from Scripture, as did Jesus himself. It had already been shaping his thought in this section.

“For this reason” (anti toutou) is not a preface to the quotation but part of it (LXX has eneken touto). When Adam recognized that Eve was part of himself (“bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh,” Gen 2:23), Genesis 2:24 adds: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh” (RSV). The marriage tie takes precedence over every other human relationship and for this reason is to be regarded as inviolable. Nevertheless, what is basically a divine ordinance is graciously designed for mutual satisfaction and delight. “United” means closely joined (proskollēsthēsetai, literally, “will be glued”) and, taken in conjunction with the reference to “one flesh,” can refer only to sexual intercourse, which is thus hallowed by the approval of God himself. It is because of this exalted biblical view of marital relations that the church has taken its stand on the indissolubility of the marital bond and the impermissibility of polygamy, adultery, or divorce.18

16 Wood, A. S. (1981). Ephesians. In F. E. Gaebelein (Ed.), The Expositor's Bible Commentary, Volume 11: Ephesians through Philemon (F. E. Gaebelein, Ed.) (75–76). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.17 Wood, A. S. (1981). Ephesians. In F. E. Gaebelein (Ed.), The Expositor's Bible Commentary, Volume 11: Ephesians through Philemon (F. E. Gaebelein, Ed.) (77–78). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.18 Wood, A. S. (1981). Ephesians. In F. E. Gaebelein (Ed.), The Expositor's Bible Commentary, Volume 11: Ephesians through Philemon (F. E. Gaebelein, Ed.) (78). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.

33 The final word in this section is a practical one. Whether or not Paul’s readers have fully understood his allusions to the “profound mystery” (v. 32), they should at least get hold of the essential instructions he has been endeavoring to convey. Paul addresses every husband individually (literally, “you each, one by one”) without naming him as such. He is to go on loving his wife as his very self (vv. 25, 28, 29).

The wife for her part is to give her husband the respect (phobētai) that is due him in the Lord (v. 22). As v. 21 has made plain, such respect is conditioned by and expressive of reverence (phobos) for Christ. It also assumes that the husband will so love his wife as to be worthy of such deference.

Those who are puzzled because Paul does not tell wives that they are to love their husbands fail to appreciate the almost rabbinical precision with which the analogy is handled. Christ loves the church; the church’s love for Christ is expressed in submission and obedience.19

BIBLE KNOWLEDGE COMMENTARY5:19–21. Paul then gave four results of being filled with the Spirit. First is communication with one

another with psalms (psalmois, OT psalms sung with stringed instruments such as harps), hymns (hymnois, praises composed by Christians), and spiritual songs (a general term). Second is communication with the Lord by singing and making melody (psallontes, singing with a stringed instrument) in the heart. Church music, then, should be a means of believers’ ministering to each other, and singing should be a means of worshiping the Lord. Third is thanking God the Father (cf. 1:2–3, 17; 3:14) continually for all things (cf. Col. 3:17; 1 Thes. 5:18). Fourth, Spirit-controlled believers are to submit to one another, willingly serving others and being under them rather than dominating them and exalting themselves. But basic to Christians’ attitudes toward others is their reverence for Christ. Paul next elaborated on this subject of submission (Eph. 5:22–6:9).

2. APPLICATION (5:22–6:9)

Having admonished believers to be wise by being controlled by the Holy Spirit, Paul now applied this to specific life-relationships. It is relatively easy to exhibit a Spirit-filled life for one or two hours a week in church but it takes the work of the Holy Spirit to exhibit godliness not only on Sundays but also in everyday relationships between wives and husbands, children and parents, and slaves and masters. In each of these three relationships the first partner is commanded to be submissive or obedient (5:22; 6:1, 5). But the second partner is also to show submissiveness by his care and concern for the first partner. Both partners are to act toward one another as a service rendered to the Lord.

a. Wives and husbands (5:22–33).5:22–24. Wives are to submit to their husbands. (The verb “submit,” absent in Gr. in v. 22, is

borrowed from v. 21.) As to the Lord does not mean that a wife is to submit to her husband in the same way she submits to the Lord, but rather that her submission to her husband is her service rendered “to the Lord” (cf. Col. 3:18). The reason for this submission is that the husband is the head of the wife (cf. 1 Cor. 11:3), and this is compared to Christ’s headship over the church (Eph. 5:23; cf. 4:15; Col. 1:18). As Christ is the Savior of the church, His body, so a husband should be the protector of his wife, who is “one flesh” with him (Gen. 2:24). As the church is in submission to Christ, so also a wife should be to her husband. It would be foolish to think of the church being head over Christ. But submission does not mean inferiority. It means that she recognizes that her husband is the head of the home and responds to him accordingly without usurping his authority to herself.

5:25. After speaking of a wife’s submission to her husband (vv. 22–24), Paul then stated the measure of the husband’s love for his wife (vv. 25–32). Husbands are commanded, Love your wives (cf. v. 33)

19 Wood, A. S. (1981). Ephesians. In F. E. Gaebelein (Ed.), The Expositor's Bible Commentary, Volume 11: Ephesians through Philemon (F. E. Gaebelein, Ed.) (79). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.

just as Christ loved the church. The word “love” (agapaō) means seeking the highest good for another person (cf. 2:4). This is an unselfish love as seen in Christ’s sacrificial death in which He gave Himself up for the church (cf. 5:2; John 10:11, 15, 17–18; Gal. 1:4; Eph. 5:25; Heb. 9:14). A wife’s submission in no way hints that a husband may lord it over his spouse, as a despot commanding a slave. The “submit-love” relationship is a beautiful mixture of harmonious partnership in marriage.

5:26–27. The purpose of Christ’s death was to make the church holy (hagiasē, “to set apart” for Himself as His own forever; cf. Heb. 2:11; 10:10, 14; 13:12) which He did by cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word. This is not baptismal regeneration for that would be contrary to Paul’s teaching in this book as well as all his other writings and the entire New Testament. Metaphorically, being regenerated is pictured as being cleansed by water (cf. “the washing of rebirth” in Titus 3:5). The “Word” (rhēmati) refers to the “preached Word” that unbelievers hear (cf. rhēma in Eph. 6:17; Rom. 10:8, 17; 1 Peter 1:25). The ultimate purpose of Christ’s death is to present … to Himself the church as radiant or “in splendor” (RSV). This adjective, “glorious,” in NEB, is not attributive (as in NIV‘s “a radiant church”). It is in the predicate position because there is an article before church (to “present the church … glorious,” NEB).

This purpose is then described negatively (without stain or wrinkle—no taint of sin or spiritual decay—or any other blemish) and positively (holy and blameless). These last two adjectives (hagia, “set apart,” and amōmos, “without blemish,” like a spotless lamb) are stated in Ephesians 1:4 as the purpose of God’s election: that Christ may present His church to Himself in all its perfection (cf. “make holy” in 5:26; also cf. hagious and amōmous in Col. 1:22). Whereas human brides prepare themselves for their husbands, Christ prepares His own bride for Himself.

5:28–30. In verses 28–32 Paul applied the truths given in verses 25–27. As the church is the extension of Christ, so is the wife an “extension” of her husband. No one hates his own body but takes care of it. Feeds (ektrephei; cf. “bring them up” in 6:4) and cares for (thalpei; cf. 1 Thes. 2:7) is literally, “nourishes and cherishes.” Thus as Christ loves the church, His body (of which all believers are members; cf. Eph. 4:25), so should husbands … love their wives as their own bodies (5:28; cf. v. 33). Men care for their bodies even though they are imperfect and so they should care for their wives though they are imperfect.

5:31–32. Verse 31 is a free rendering of Genesis 2:24, indicating that the bond between husband and wife is greater than that between parent and child. The greatness of the mystery refers to the two becoming one flesh. But then Paul returned to mention the wonderful bond between Christ and the church, which illustrates the love of a husband for his wife.

5:33. This is a restatement of the responsibilities of the husband and wife toward each other: love by the husband (cf. v. 25) and respect by the wife.20

BIBLE EXPOSITION COMMENTARYSubmissive (Eph. 5:21–33)

Paul applied the principle of harmony to husbands and wives (Eph. 5:21–33), parents and children (Eph. 6:1–4), and masters and servants (Eph. 6:5–9); and he began with the admonition that each submit to the other (Eph. 5:21). Does this suggest that the children tell the parents what to do, or that the masters obey the servants? Of course not! Submission has nothing to do with the order of authority, but rather governs the operation of authority, how it is given and how it is received. Often Jesus tried to teach His disciples not to throw their weight around, or seek to become great at somebody else’s expense. Unfortunately, they failed to learn the lesson, and even at the Last Supper they were arguing over who was the greatest (Luke 22:24–27). When Jesus washed their feet, He taught them that the greatest is the person who uses his authority to build up people and not, like the Pharisees, to build up his authority and make himself

20 Hoehner, H. W. (1985). Ephesians. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck, Ed.) (Eph 5:19–33). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

important. We are to esteem others “more important than ourselves” (Rom 12:10; Phil. 2:1–4). By nature, we want to promote ourselves, but the Holy Spirit enables us to submit ourselves.

As you study Paul’s words to husbands and wives, remember that he was writing to believers. He was nowhere suggesting that women are inferior to men, or that all women must be in subjection to all men in every situation. The fact that he uses Christ and the church as his illustration is evidence that he has the Christian home in mind.

Wives, submit yourselves (vv. 22–24). He gives two reasons for this command: the lordship of Christ (Eph. 5:22) and the headship of the man in Christ (Eph. 5:23). When the Christian wife submits herself to Christ and lets Him be the Lord of her life, she will have no difficulty submitting to her husband. This does not mean that she becomes a slave, for the husband is also to submit to Christ. And if both are living under the lordship of Christ, there can be only harmony. Headship is not dictatorship. “Each for the other, both for the Lord.” The Christian husband and wife should pray together and spend time in the Word, so that they might know God’s will for their individual lives and for their home. Most of the marital conflicts I have dealt with as a pastor have stemmed from failure of the husband and or wife to submit to Christ, spend time in His Word, and seek to do His will each day.

This explains why a Christian should marry a Christian and not become “unequally yoked together” with an unbeliever (2 Cor. 6:14–18). If the Christian is submitted to Christ, he will not try to establish a home that disobeys the Word of God. Such a home invites civil war from the beginning. But something else is important. The Christian couple must be careful to submit to Christ’s lordship even before they are married. Unless the couple prays together and sincerely seeks God’s will in His Word, their marriage begins on a weak foundation. Sins committed before marriage (“We’re Christians—we can get away with this!”) have a way of causing problems after marriage. Certainly God is able to forgive, but something very precious is lost just the same. Dr. William Culbertson, former president of Moody Bible Institute, used to warn about “the sad consequences of forgiven sins,” and engaged Christian couples need to take that warning to heart.

Husbands, love your wives (vv. 25–33). Paul had much more to say to the Christian husbands than to the wives. He set for them a very high standard: Love your wives “even as Christ also loved the church.” Paul was lifting married love to the highest level possible, for he saw in the Christian home an illustration of the relationship between Christ and the church. God established marriage for many reasons. For one thing, it meets man’s emotional needs. “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18). Marriage also has a social purpose in the bearing of children to continue the race (Gen. 1:28). Paul indicated a physical purpose for marriage—to help man and woman fulfill the normal desires given them by God (1 Cor. 7:1–3). But in Ephesians 5, Paul indicated also a spiritual purpose in marriage, as the husband and wife experience with each other the submission and the love of Christ (Eph. 5:22–33).

If the husband makes Christ’s love for the church the pattern for loving his wife, then he will love her sacrificially (Eph. 5:25). Christ gave Himself for the church; so the husband, in love, gives himself for his wife. Jacob so loved Rachel that he sacrificially worked fourteen years to win her. True Christian love “seeketh not her own” (1 Cor. 13:5)—it is not selfish. If a husband is submitted to Christ and filled with the Spirit, his sacrificial love will willingly pay a price that she might be able to serve Christ in the home and glorify Him.

The husband’s love will also be a sanctifying love (Eph. 5:26–27). The word sanctify means “to set apart.” In the marriage ceremony, the husband is set apart to belong to the wife, and the wife is set apart to belong to the husband. Any interference with this God-given arrangement is sin. Today, Christ is cleansing His church through the ministry of His Word (John 15:3; 17:17). The love of the husband for his wife ought to be cleansing her (and him) so that both are becoming more like Christ. Even their physical relationship should be so controlled by God that it becomes a means of spiritual enrichment as well as personal enjoyment (1 Cor. 7:3–5). The husband is not to “use” his wife for his own pleasure, but rather is to show the kind of love that is mutually rewarding and sanctifying. The marriage experience is one of constant growth when Christ is the Lord of the home. Love always enlarges and enriches, while selfishness does just the opposite.

The church today is not perfect; it has spots and wrinkles. Spots are caused by defilement on the outside, while wrinkles are caused by decay on the inside. Because the church becomes defiled by the world, it needs constant cleansing, and the Word of God is the cleansing agent. “Keep yourselves unspotted from the world” (James 1:27). Strictly speaking, there should be no wrinkles in the church, because wrinkles are evidence of old age and internal decay. As the church is nourished by the Word, these wrinkles ought to disappear. Like a beautiful bride, the church ought to be clean and youthful, which is possible through the Spirit of God using the Word of God. One day the church will be presented in heaven “a glorious church” at the coming of Jesus Christ (Jude 24).

The husband’s love for his wife should be sacrificial and sanctifying, but it should also be satisfying (Eph. 5:28–30). In the marriage relationship, the husband and wife become “one flesh.” Therefore, whatever each does to the other, he does to himself or herself. It is a mutually satisfying experience. The man who loves his wife is actually loving his own body, since he and his wife are one flesh. As he loves her, he is nourishing her. Just as love is the circulatory system of the body of Christ (Eph. 4:16), so love is the nourishment of the home. How many people have confessed, “I am starved for love.” There should be no starvation for love in the Christian home, for the husband and wife should so love each other that their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are met. If both are submitted to the Lord, and to each other, they will be so satisfied that they will not be tempted to look anywhere else for fulfillment.

Our Christian homes are to be pictures of Christ’s relationship to His church. Each believer is a member of Christ’s body, and each believer is to help nourish the body in love (Eph. 4:16). We are one with Christ. The church is His body and His bride, and the Christian home is a divinely ordained illustration of this relationship. This certainly makes marriage a serious matter.

Paul referred to the creation of Eve and the forming of the first home (Gen. 2:18–24). Adam had to give part of himself in order to get a bride, but Christ gave all of Himself to purchase His bride at the cross. God opened Adam’s side, but sinful men pierced Christ’s side. So united are a husband and wife that they are “one flesh.” Their union is even closer than that of parents and children. The believer’s union with Christ is even closer and, unlike human marriage, will last for all eternity. Paul closed with a final admonition that the husband love his wife and that the wife reverence (respect) her husband, all of which require the power of the Holy Spirit.

If Christian husbands and wives have the power of the Spirit to enable them, and the example of Christ to encourage them, why do too many Christian marriages fail? Somebody is out of the will of God. Just because two Christians know each other and get along together does not mean they are supposed to get married. In fact, not every believer is supposed to marry. It is sometimes God’s will for a Christian to remain single (Matt. 19:12; 1 Cor. 7:7–9). It is wrong for a believer to marry an unbeliever, but it is also wrong for two Christians to marry out of the will of God.

But even if two Christians marry in the will of God, they must stay in God’s will if their home is to be the creative fellowship God wants it to be. “The fruit of the Spirit is love” (Gal. 5:22), and unless both husband and wife are walking in the Spirit they cannot share the love of Christ, the love that is so beautifully described in 1 Corinthians 13. The root of most marital problems is sin, and the root of all sin is selfishness. Submission to Christ and to one another is the only way to overcome selfishness, for when we submit, the Holy Spirit can fill us and enable us to love one another in a sacrificial, sanctifying, satisfying way—the way Christ loves the church.

To experience the fullness of the Spirit a person must first possess the Spirit—be a Christian. Then there must be a sincere desire to glorify Christ, since this is why the Holy Spirit was given (John 16:14). We do not use the Holy Spirit; He uses us. There must be a deep thirst for God’s fullness, a confession that we cannot do His will apart from His power. We must claim the promise of John 7:37–39: “If any man thirst, let him come unto Me and drink!” By faith yield yourself to Christ; by faith ask Him for the fullness of the Spirit. By faith receive. When you find yourself joyful, thankful, and submissive, you will know that God has answered.

One more important factor should be considered. The Spirit of God uses the Word of God to work in our lives. Read Colossians 3:16–4:1 and you will see a parallel to our Ephesians passage. And you will

note that to be filled with the Word of God produces joy, thanksgiving, and submission. In other words, when you are controlled by the Word of God, you are filled with the Spirit of God. Not only husbands and wives, but all Christians need to spend time daily letting the Word of Christ dwell in them richly, for then the Spirit of God can work in our lives to make us joyful, thankful, and submissive. And this means heaven in the home—or wherever God may put us.21

THE BIBLE GUIDEPaul’s teaching is not that husbands should dominate their wives. He is saying that husbands are

responsible for the well-being, security and happiness of their wives. Christ’s headship of his church is shown by being her Saviour, not her tyrant.

And husbands are to love their wives. They are to love their wives, not because they are attractive or useful. They are to love their wives, because they are to be to them like Christ. A husband is to love, care for and serve his wife. Just as Christ brings his church to purity, perfection and glory—so a husband is to give himself so that his wife may know that she is accepted, liberated and fulfilled.

Being practical, Paul says that if a husband loves his wife as much as he loves himself he will do well. After all, this is the great commandment: to love your neighbour as you love yourself. And who is a closer neighbour than a wife? A husband and wife are ‘one flesh’ or ‘one self’—so a husband, in caring for his wife, is caring for himself.

Paul is showing how all relationships are mended and integrated in Christ. Jews and Gentiles have become ‘one new humanity’ (2:15). Husbands and wives are ‘one self’ (5:31). And both these transformed relationships give a glimpse of the unity between Christ and his people.22

WIERSBE’S EXPOSITORY OUTLINE ON THE NTIV. Walk in Harmony (5:18–6:9)

This section concludes in chapter 6 and deals with harmony between husbands and wives, parents and children, and workers and masters.

The secret of harmony in the home and on the job is the fullness of the Spirit. The unity of the church and the harmony of the home both depend on the Spirit (4:3; 5:18). It is power from within, not pressure from without, that holds the church and the home together. Note the evidences of a Spirit-filled life: joy (v. 19), gratitude (v. 20), obedience (v. 21ff). Compare Col. 3:15–17 and you will see that when Christians are filled with the Word of God they will have the same characteristics. In other words, to be filled with the Spirit of God means to be controlled by the Word of God. The marks of a Spirit-filled Christian are not unusual emotional experiences, miracles, and tongues, but rather Christian character.

The principle of headship is what helps bring harmony to the home. “As unto Christ” is the motive. Wives are to submit to their husbands as unto Christ; husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church; and children are to obey as unto the Lord. Family members who are right with the Lord will be right with each other.

The church is pictured as the bride of Christ. It is interesting to compare the church to the first bride in the Bible, Eve (Gen. 2:18–25). She was taken from Adam’s side, and Christ’s side was pierced for us on the cross. She was formed when Adam was asleep, and Christ experienced the sleep of death to create the church. Eve shared Adam’s nature, and the church partakes of Christ’s nature (vv. 30–31). Eve was the object of her mate’s love and care, and Christ loves the church and cares for it. Adam was willing to become a sinner because of his love for his wife (1 Tim. 2:11–15), and Christ willingly was made sin because of His love for the church. Eve was formed and brought to Adam before sin entered the human family; the church was in the mind and heart of God before the foundation of the world. Note Rom. 7:4 and 2 Cor. 11:2 for the application of this truth of marriage to the individual believer and the local church.

21 Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Eph 5:21–33). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.22 Knowles, A. (2001). The Bible guide (1st Augsburg books ed.) (620). Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg.

What is Christ’s present ministry to the church? He is sanctifying and cleansing the church through the Word of God, and He does this by the work of the Spirit in His chosen servants (4:11–16). The water in v. 26 is not baptism. For one thing, Paul is talking about a continuous process, and no Christian is baptized continuously. Water for washing is a symbol of the Word of God (John 15:3 and 13:1–12). When Christ takes His church to glory, it will then be perfect, spotless, and without blemish. See John 17:22–24.

The Word is not only water that cleanses the church, but it is also food that nourishes the church (v. 29). It is the spiritual food for the new nature of the believer.

In 6:1–9, Paul applies the same truth to children and to servants. Children are to obey their parents for several reasons: (1) it is right; (2) it is commanded; (3) it brings blessings. The father who honors the Lord will have little trouble winning the love and respect of his children or the sincere love of his wife. Paul also warns fathers in v. 4 to refrain from provoking their children with undue demands. The Golden Rule applies to the home, and children must be treated like people and not things. Fathers are to discipline children (nurture) and counsel them (admonition) in the Lord.

Servants must remember that they serve Christ first of all. To be double-minded and try to serve two masters will lead to trouble (Matt. 6:24); singleness of heart means the heart is fixed on pleasing Christ, and not on worldly gain. “Eyeservice” means working when the master is watching and loafing when he is gone; but if we serve Christ on the job, we are aware that He is always watching us!23

BIBLE READER’S COMPANION“Filled with the Spirit” (5:18). We might paraphrase, don’t live under the influence of alcohol but

under the influence of the Spirit. How important that we drink deep of Him, and let Him give direction to our lives.

The supportive impact of worship (5:19–20). It has been said, “You can’t be Christian alone.” It’s hard enough to live as God’s lighthouse in a dark world without feeling isolated and alone. Paul urges the Ephesians to draw together for shared worship. When we all keep God as the focus of our lives, we shine brightly with His light.

“Submit to one another” (5:21). “Submit” is a complex concept which needs to be defined by the context in which it is used. Here there is no question of power or of position, as we find in Rom. 13. Here Paul calls for all believers to develop an attitude of submission, a willingness to be responsive and to yield to one another out of love. It is wrong to read hierarchy into this verse or into the passage which follows. Rather, we see the development of a sensitivity to others that frees us from pride and enables us to act at all times in loving, caring ways.

“Head” (5:23). In the O.T. “head” may mean a literal head, the first in a series, the beginning or source, and often indicates the top of a mountain or chief of a clan. These same meanings are carried over into the N.T. with two additional theologically significant uses. (1) Christ is head of the church, a living organism. Passages in which this image occurs emphasize His role as sustainer, protector, source, and director of the body (cf. Eph. 1:22; 4:15; 5:23; Col. 1:18; 2:10, 19). (2) Head in 1 Cor. 11 is used in the sense of source or creation order. It is a mistake to read “head” in the sense of superior/inferior.

Headship of the husband (5:22–23). To make sure that we do not misunderstand headship in marriage as the right of a husband to dominate his wife, Paul specifies in which way the husband’s headship is to be expressed. Specifically the husband is head, “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, to make her holy” (vv. 25–26). In marriage headship emphasizes the husband’s Christlike role of sustaining and protecting his wife and encouraging her personal and spiritual growth.

“Wives, submit” (5:22). Each partner in a marriage has a privilege. The husband’s privilege is to put his wife first, as Christ put us first when He died for us. The wife’s privilege is to set the tone of

23 Wiersbe, W. W. (1992). Wiersbe’s expository outlines on the New Testament (551–553). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

submission by being responsive and caring. Neither is “over” the other; each ministers to the other in his or her special way.

Who decides? The frequent argument that this passage does not convey on the husband the right of final decision misses an important point. The believer’s task is not to decide, but rather to discern the decision that Christ as head over everything has already made! When the husband loves as Christ, and the wife responds as the church (v. 22), then together they will discern God’s will.24

ESV STUDY BIBLE5:22–33 Wives and Husbands. The first example of general submission (v. 21) is illustrated as Paul exhorts wives to submit to their husbands (vv. 22–24, 33). Husbands, on the other hand, are not told to submit to their wives but to love them (vv. 25–33).Principles of Marriage Scripture Reference

Marriage is part of the “mystery” of God’s will

Eph. 1:9; 3:3; 5:32

Paul’s instructions are directed to Spirit-filled believers

Eph. 5:18

Wives are called to submit, men are called to love

Eph. 5:21–33

Headship entails authority Eph. 5:23–24 (cf. Eph. 1:22; 4:15)

Submission is still required of Christian wives

Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18 (cf. Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:3)

Marriage involves spiritual warfare, which requires husbands and wives to put on the full armor of God

Eph. 6:10–18

5:22 submit. Paul’s first example of general submission from v. 21 is the right ordering of the marriage relationship (see also Col. 3:18; 1 Pet. 3:1–7). The submission of wives is not like the obedience children owe parents, nor does this text command all women to submit to all men (to your own husbands, not to all husbands!). Both genders are equally created in God’s image (Gen. 1:26–28) and heirs together of eternal life (Gal. 3:28–29). This submission is in deference to the ultimate leadership of the husband for the health and harmonious working of the marriage relationship.

5:23–24 the husband is the head of the wife. This is the grounds of the wife’s submission to her husband and is modeled on Christ’s headship over the church. Just as Christ’s position as head of the church and its Savior does not vary from one culture to another, neither does the headship of a husband in relation to his wife and her duty to submit to her husband in everything. “Head” (Gk. kephalē) here clearly refers to a husband’s authority over his wife and cannot mean “source,” as some have argued. In fact, there is no sense in which husbands are the source of their wives either physically or spiritually. In addition, in over 50 examples of kephalē in ancient Greek literature, with the idea “person A is the head of person(s) B,” person A has authority over person(s) B in every case (see also 1:22; Col. 2:10; see note on 1 Cor. 11:3).

24 Richards, L. O. (1991). The Bible reader’s companion (electronic ed.) (801–802). Wheaton: Victor Books.

5:25 love. Paul now turns to the duty of husbands. He does not command the husband to submit to his wife but instead tells the husband that he must give himself up for her. Thus, husbands are to love their wives in a self-sacrificial manner, following the example of Christ, who “gave himself up for” the church in loving self-sacrifice. Clearly the biblical picture of a husband laying down his life for his wife is directly opposed to any kind of male tyranny or oppression. The husband is bound by love to ensure that his wife finds their marriage a source of rich fulfillment and joyful service to the Lord. Notably, Paul devotes three times more space to the husband’s duty (nine verses) than to the wife’s (three verses).

5:26–27 The focus in these verses is on Christ, for husbands do not “sanctify” their wives or “wash” them of their sins, though they are to do all in their power to promote their wives’ holiness. Sanctify here means to consecrate into the Lord’s service through cleansing. washing of water. This might be a reference to baptism, since it is common in the Bible to speak of invisible, spiritual things (in this case, spiritual cleansing) by pointing to an outward physical sign of them (see Rom. 6:3–4; and note on John 4:15). There may also be a link here to Ezek. 16:1–13, where the Lord washes infant Israel, raises her, and eventually elevates her to royalty and marries her, which would correspond to presenting the church to himself in splendor at his marriage supper (see also Ezek. 36:25; Rev. 19:7–9; 21:2, 9–11). without blemish. The church’s utter holiness and moral perfection will be consummated in resurrection glory, but is derived from the consecrating sacrifice of Christ on the cross.

5:28–30 Paul reiterates a husband’s calling to self-sacrificial love for his wife by comparing this love to regard for one’s own body (their own bodies), himself, and his own flesh (vv. 28–29; see also v. 33) and then to Christ’s love for his body. As vv. 29–30 make explicit, the “body” for which Christ sacrificed himself was not his own person but the “body” which is the church.

5:31 one flesh. The command for a husband to love his wife as he loves “his own flesh” (v. 29) originates in the creation reality that God joins husbands and wives together to “become one flesh.” Paul’s quotation is from Gen. 2:24, speaking of marriage before there was any sin in the world; see also Matt. 19:5; Mark 10:8; 1 Cor. 6:16.

5:32 By mystery Paul means the hidden plan of God that has come to fulfillment in Christ Jesus (see 1:9; 3:3–4, 9; and 6:19), thus his quotation about marriage from Genesis 2 (in Eph. 5:31) ties in to the relationship between Christ and his church. Paul’s meaning is profound: he interprets the original creation of the husband-and-wife union as itself modeled on Christ’s forthcoming union with the church as his “body” (see v. 23). Therefore, marriage from the beginning of creation (Genesis 1) was created by God to be a reflection of and patterned after Christ’s relation to the church. Thus Paul’s commands regarding the roles of husbands and wives do not merely reflect the culture of his day but present God’s ideal for all marriages at all times, as exemplified by the relationship between the bride of Christ (the church) and Christ himself, the Son of God.25

DR. CONSTABLE’S EXPOSITORY BIBLE STUDYNOTES ON EPHESIANSThe duty of husbands 5:25-33

5:25 In the Greco-Roman world in which Paul lived, people recognized that wives had certain responsibilities to their husbands—but not vice versa.322 Paul summarized the wife's duty as submission, and the husband's duty as love. The word he used for "love" (agapate) means much more than sexual passion (eros), or even family affection (philia). It means seeking the highest good for another person (cf. 2:4). Husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church. The extent to which He went for her welfare, was giving Himself up in death to provide salvation for her (cf. v. 2; Phil. 2:5-

25 Crossway Bibles. (2008). The ESV Study Bible (2271–2272). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

11). He gave up His rights, yet maintained His responsibilities. The biblical concept of authority emphasizes responsibility, not tyranny.

"Love" requires an attitude of unconditional acceptance of an imperfect person, not based on her performance, but on her intrinsic worth as God's gift to her husband. The verbalization of this acceptance is part of loving.

A cartoon of an elderly couple sitting on the porch of their New England home portrays the problem. The husband is saying, "Sometimes, Sarah, when I think how much you mean to me, I can hardly keep from telling you so." He needed to recapture the joy of expressing his love.

Love also requires sacrificial action. It involves doing something, specifically: placing the wife's needs before his own, such as doing something for her that she hates to do. It also involves self-denial, such as giving up something he would enjoy doing, in order to do something she would like to do. This kind of love arises out of a commitment of the will, not just passing feelings.

Different people feel loved as a result of receiving different expressions of love. Giving words of affirmation effectively communicates love to some people, giving quality time does to others, giving gifts, giving acts of service, and or giving physical touches communicates love to others.323 The husband who wishes to make his wife feel loved should discover which of these expressions of love best communicate his love to his wife.

5:26 The purpose Jesus Christ had in mind when He sacrificed Himself for His bride, the church, was to set her apart ("sanctify," make her holy) for Himself as His own forever (cf. Heb. 2:11; 10:10, 14; 13:12).324 Logically, cleansing comes before setting apart, but in reality, these things occur simultaneously when a person trusts in Christ. The cleansing ("washing of water") here is spiritual ("in the Word") rather than physical. The Word of God "cleanse[s]" us in the sense that, when we believe the gospel, it washes our sins away as water washes dirt away (cf. Titus 3:5; 1 Cor. 6:11). Thus washing is a good metaphor for redemption.325 The Word is also the tool that the Holy Spirit uses to cleanse the Christian day by day.326

5:27 What was Jesus Christ's ultimate purpose in giving Himself for the church (v. 25)? It was to "present" her "to Himself . . . in all her glory" in the end, namely, "without" any blemishes ("spots"), effects of sin ("wrinkles"), or anything that would diminish her glory. Positively, God will eventually present the church to His Son—as exclusively His, and spotless (cf. 1:4). This will happen at the Rapture, when all Christians will experience full sanctification (i.e., glorification), and will join our Lord forever (cf. 2 Cor. 11:2).

"Spots are caused by defilement on the outside, while wrinkles are caused by decay on the inside."

"Christ's labor of love on behalf of the Church is threefold: past, present, and future: (1) for love He gave Himself to redeem the Church (v. 25); (2) in love He is sanctifying the Church (v. 26); and (3) for the reward of His sacrifice and labor of love He will present the Church to Himself in flawless perfection, 'one pearl of great price' (v. 27; Mt. 13:46)."328

5:28 This verse and the following two verses apply the truth just stated in verses 25-27. Since in marriage two people become one flesh (Gen. 2:24), in a figurative sense a man's wife becomes part of his own body.329 Consequently "husbands" should "love" and treat "their own wives" as they love and

treat "their own bodies" (cf. Lev. 19:18). "As he does not think about loving himself because it is natural, so also, should the husband's love of his wife be something that is as natural as loving himself."330

Some commentators have translated "as" to "being," here and in verse 33.331 This rendering makes understanding the first part of verse 29 easier.

"The husband, the head, therefore, is to love the wife as being his body, even as Christ loved the Church as forming His body."332

5:29-30 The truth that no normal person "ever hated his own body (flesh)" is clear, because everyone who is of sound mind maintains his physical body. The idea that we all need to learn to love ourselves, which some psychologists stress, is foreign to the apostle's thought here. Christ likewise feeds and cares for His [own] body, "the church." The obvious implication is that husbands should, like Christ, care for their wives—since the wife is a "member" of his own body. Perhaps Paul had in mind here the fact that Eve was taken from Adam's side, and was in this sense a part of his own body.

"Nourishing" involves providing security. "Cherishing" involves protecting by watching out for and caring for. Here are some other basic needs that most wives feel: They need to feel wanted, to have their husbands acknowledge their equality, to feel secure, and to feel fulfilled. They also need to enjoy sex without feeling like an object, to bear and love children with their husbands, and to enjoy companionship with their husbands.333

"No admonition to husbands could have been more countercultural to the Roman, Greek or Jewish man. Instead of being the ruler of the household, he is to be its servant. The husband's obligation goes far beyond being sexually faithful to his wife. And in no teaching anywhere in Roman, Greek, or Jewish writings is such a solution to the problem of disunity within marriage put forth. Rather than focusing on the rights of the husbands and wives, rather than providing financial incentives for the promotion of marriage, Paul drove right to the heart of marital unity by presenting the sacrifice of Christ on the cross as the model for the relationship of the husband to the wife."334

5:31 Adam acknowledged that Eve was part of himself: "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh" (Gen. 2:23). When a man and a woman unite in marriage, they become part of one another ("one flesh"): in as close a unity as the one that existed before God physically "separated" Eve (when He formed her) from Adam. The Scriptures regard this tie as more fundamental, more binding, and more permanent, than any other tie that unites any other two human beings, including parent and child.335 It is partially because of this high view of marriage, that Christianity has traditionally taken a strong stand, not only for the indissolubility of the marriage bond, but also against polygamy, adultery, and divorce.

"This statement from the creation story is the most profound and fundamental statement in the whole of Scripture concerning God's plan for marriage."336

5:32 "This mystery" in view is the truth previously hidden but now brought to light. The relationship that exists between a husband and his wife is the same as the one that exists between Christ and His church. The church has as close a tie to Christ spiritually as a wife has to her husband spiritually. Paul revealed that Genesis 2:24 contains a more profound truth than people previously realized. The mystery is "great" because it has farreaching implications. Perhaps Paul also meant it is "great" because the blessedness of this "mystery" is known only to believers: those who enjoy union with Christ.337

One of the purposes of marriage is to model Jesus Christ's relationship with the church. He leads, loves, and serves the church. The church reverently submits to and is subject to Him. When husbands and wives fulfill these responsibilities to one another, their marriage models the relationship between Christ and His bride.

5:33 Even if Paul's original readers did not fully grasp the significance of Christ's intimate relationship to the church, "every (each) individual" (Gr. humeis hoi kath' hena) Christian husband, one by one, was responsible "to love his own wife . . . as himself." Likewise, "every" (the same Greek phrase) Christian "wife" should, one by one, "respect" (phobetai, fear, reverence) "her husband" (vv. 21-22). Paul did not instruct wives to respect their husbands because submission is the primary expression of love that God requires. If the husband loves his wife the way Christ demonstrated His love for the church, the wife will naturally "respect" (fear), and consequently love, her husband.

Respecting means voluntarily lifting up another person for special consideration, treatment, and obedience. It involves having consideration for his responsibilities and needs, and praying for him. Words of encouragement that have a positive focus and build him up show respect for a husband, as does doing things that please him. Probably most men have a poor self-image.338 A man must have the "respect" of his wife to feel successful as a man.339

334Jack J. Gibson, "Ephesians 5:21-33 and the Lack of Marital Unity in the Roman Empire," Bibliotheca Sacra 168:670 (April-June 2011):176-77.

321 Foulkes, pp. 156-57. 322Wood, p. 76. 2016 Edition Dr. Constable's Notes on Ephesians 85 327 323Gary D. Chapman, The Five Love Languages.324 See Richard D. Patterson, "Metaphors of Marriage as Expressions of Divine-Human Relations," Journal of the Evangelical Theological

Society 51:4 (December 2008):689-702. 325Hoehner, Ephesians, p. 753. 326Eadie, p. 420. 327Wiersbe, 2:51. 328The New Scofield . . ., p. 1277. 329For refutation of the view that marriage is a sacrament, see Calvin, 4:19:35. 330Hoehner, Ephesians, p. 765. 331E.g., Eadie, pp. 424, 435; et al. 332Salmond, 3:371. 333See Willard F. Harley Jr., His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage. 335Hoehner, "Ephesians," p. 641. 336Foulkes, p. 161. 337Eadie, p. 434. 88 338See Walter Trobisch, All a Man Can Be & What a Woman Should Know. 339See Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect.

COMMENTARIES ON 1 PETER 3:7

1 Peter 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with bsomeone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.26

MATTHEW HENRY’S COMMENTARYII. The husband’s duty to the wife comes next to be considered.

26 New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. 1995 (1 Pe 3:7). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

1. The particulars are, (1.) Cohabitation, which forbids unnecessary separation, and implies a mutual communication of goods and persons one to another, with delight and concord. (2.) Dwelling with the wife according to knowledge; not according to lust, as brutes; nor according to passion, as devils; but according to knowledge, as wise and sober men, who know the word of God and their own duty. (3.) Giving honour to the wife—giving due respect to her, and maintaining her authority, protecting her person, supporting her credit, delighting in her conversation, affording her a handsome maintenance, and placing a due trust and confidence in her.

2. The reasons are, Because she is the weaker vessel by nature and constitution, and so ought to be defended: but then the wife is, in other and higher respects, equal to her husband; they are heirs together of the grace of life, of all the blessings of this life and another, and therefore should live peaceably and quietly one with another, and, if they do not, their prayers one with another and one for another will be hindered, so that often “you will not pray at all, or, if you do, you will pray with a discomposed ruffled mind, and so without success.” Learn, (1.) The weakness of the female sex is no just reason either for separation or contempt, but on the contrary it is a reason for honour and respect: Giving honour to the wife as unto the weaker vessel. (2.) There is an honour due to all who are heirs of the grace of life. (3.) All married people should take care to behave themselves so lovingly and peaceably one to another that they may not by their broils hinder the success of their prayers.27

Holman Bible Handbook CommentaryHusbands in return were to live in an understanding way with their wives and treat them as full heirs of God’s grace (3:7).28

TEACHER’S BIBLE COMMENTARYVerse 7 shows that husbands are to be concerned about the well-being of their wives. Specifically they are to “dwell with” them “according to knowledge,” and are to give “honour” to them. “Dwell with” includes all the day-to-day relations of husband and wife, but the term has special reference to sexual relations. “According to knowledge” probably means that the husband’s relations with his wife are to reflect a spirit of understanding of her. “Giving honour” to the wife suggests that the husband is to show respect and chivalry toward his wife.29

THE TEACHER’S COMMENTARY

Husbands and wives (1 Peter 3:1–7). In the husband/wife relationship, submission is again enjoined. Here Peter was addressing a problem that exists today, when Christan wives are married to men who “do not believe the Word” (v. 1). Peter did not suggest aggressive evangelism. Instead, the wife is to adopt a course of aggressive submission. Quietly demonstrating the inner beauty Jesus brings, wives are to communicate the Lord through the holy way of submission.

Of course, believing husbands are to be considerate (v. 7). But, as the slave is not released from the holy way if he has a harsh master, neither is the wife with an inconsiderate spouse.30

EXPOSITOR’S BIBLE COMMENTARY

27 Henry, M. (1994). Matthew Henry’s commentary on the whole Bible: Complete and unabridged in one volume (2428). Peabody: Hendrickson.28 Dockery, D. S., Butler, T. C., Church, C. L., Scott, L. L., Ellis Smith, M. A., White, J. E., & Holman Bible Publishers (Nashville, T. (1992). Holman Bible Handbook (764). Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers.29 Vaughan, C. (1972). 1 Peter. In H. F. Paschall & H. H. Hobbs (Eds.), The teacher's Bible commentary (H. F. Paschall & H. H. Hobbs, Ed.) (788). Nashville: Broadman and Holman Publishers.30 Richards, L., & Richards, L. O. (1987). The teacher’s commentary (1029). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

4. The obligation of Christian husbands (3:7)

7 Peter’s instructions for the Christian husband are brief, probably because the family normally followed the husband’s religious choice. Yet the husband needs instruction concerning the care of his wife for several reasons. The phrase “in the same way” does not refer to subjection to the wife but rather that the husband “likewise” in the relationship of marriage is to do everything possible to foster the spiritual life of the home. A harsh or unthinking Christian husband could cause a hindrance to the family’s spiritual growth. The woman is called the “weaker partner” (skeuos, lit. “vessel”); but this is not to be taken morally, spiritually, or intellectually. It simply means that the woman has less physical strength. The husband must recognize this difference and take it into account. “As you live with” probably refers to sexual intercourse in addition to the broader aspects of living together. The husband is to show his wife “respect” (timēn, “honor”) and not despise her physical weakness.

Men are also to remember that women are coheirs of “the gracious gift of life.” The sexual function and sexual distinctions are only for this age. Women will have an equal share in the new age; and even now in the life of the new age, they experience the grace of God equally with men (cf. Gal 3:28). Men must also remember that selfishness and egotism in the marriage relationship will mar their relationship with God.31

BIBLE KNOWLEDGE COMMENTARY

2. CHRISTIAN CONDUCT AS HUSBANDS (3:7)

Peter exhorted Christian husbands to give their wives two gifts of love: understanding and respect.3:7. The words (kata gnōsin) translated considerate (more lit., “according to knowledge” or “with

understanding”) point out that husbands should understand and be considerate of their wives’ spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. Paul also elaborated on the husband’s responsibility to protect and care for his wife, “just as Christ does the church” (Eph. 5:28–30).

Also husbands are to treat their wives with respect as the weaker partner. “Weaker” (asthenesterō) refers to physical or emotional weakness, not intellectual inferiority, for wives are their husbands’ fellow heirs of God’s gift of life. If Peter referred here to Christian husbands whose wives were Christians, then “the gracious gift of life” could refer to salvation (cf. Rom. 8:17; Eph. 3:6). If, however, the exhortation were directed to Christian husbands whose wives were unsaved (as 1 Peter 3:1–2 was written to wives with unsaved husbands), then “the gift of life” would refer to sharing the gift of physical life together. Peter added that husbands who do not treat their wives with consideration and respect (timēn, “honor”; cf. 2:17) cannot expect to have their prayers answered.32

THE BIBLE EXPOSITION COMMENTARY (WIERSBE)

Consideration (1 Peter 3:7)

Why did Peter devote more space to instructing the wives than the husbands? Because the Christian wives were experiencing a whole new situation and needed guidance. In general, women were kept down in the Roman Empire, and their new freedom in Christ created new problems and challenges. Furthermore, many of them had unsaved husbands and needed extra encouragement and enlightenment.

As Peter wrote to the Christian husbands, he reminded them of four areas of responsibility in their relationship with their mates.

31 Blum, E. A. (1981). 1 Peter. In F. E. Gaebelein (Ed.), The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, Volume 12: Hebrews through Revelation (F. E. Gaebelein, Ed.) (237). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.32 Raymer, R. M. (1985). 1 Peter. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck, Ed.) (1 Pe 3:7). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

Physical—“dwell with them.” This implies much more than sharing the same address. Marriage is fundamentally a physical relationship: “They two shall be one flesh” (Eph. 5:31). Of course, Christian mates enjoy a deeper spiritual relationship, but the two go together (1 Cor. 7:1–5). A truly spiritual husband will fulfill his marital duties and love his wife.

The husband must make time to be home with his wife. Christian workers and church officers who get too busy running around solving other people’s problems, may end up creating problems of their own at home. One survey revealed that the average husband and wife had thirty-seven minutes a week together in actual communication! Is it any wonder that marriages fall apart after the children grow up and leave home? The husband and wife are left alone—to live with strangers!

“Dwell with them” also suggests that the husband provide for the physical and material needs of the home. While it is not wrong for a wife to have a job or career, her first responsibility is to care for the home (Titus 2:4–5). It is the husband who should provide (1 Tim. 5:8).

Intellectual—“according to knowledge.” Somebody asked Mrs. Albert Einstein if she understood Dr. Einstein’s theory of relativity, and she replied, “No, but I understand the Doctor.” In my premarital counseling as a pastor, I often gave the couple pads of paper and asked them to write down the three things each one thinks the other enjoys doing the most. Usually, the prospective bride made her list immediately; the man would sit and ponder. And usually the girl was right but the man wrong! What a beginning for a marriage!

It is amazing that two married people can live together and not really know each other! Ignorance is dangerous in any area of life, but it is especially dangerous in marriage. A Christian husband needs to know his wife’s moods, feelings, needs, fears, and hopes. He needs to “listen with his heart” and share meaningful communication with her. There must be in the home such a protective atmosphere of love and submission that the husband and wife can disagree and still be happy together.

“Speaking the truth in love” is the solution to the communications problem (Eph. 4:15). It has well been said that love without truth is hypocrisy, and truth without love is brutality. We need both truth and love if we are to grow in our understanding of one another. How can a husband show consideration for his wife if he does not understand her needs or problems? To say, “I never knew you felt that way!” is to confess that, at some point, one mate excommunicated the other. When either mate is afraid to be open and honest about a matter, then he or she is building walls and not bridges.

Emotional—“giving honor unto the wife.” Chivalry may be dead, but every husband must be a “knight in shining armor” who treats his wife like a princess. (By the way, the name Sarah means “princess.”) Peter did not suggest that a wife is “the weaker vessel” mentally, morally, or spiritually, but rather physically. There are exceptions, of course, but generally speaking, the man is the stronger of the two when it comes to physical accomplishments. The husband should treat his wife like an expensive, beautiful, fragile vase, in which is a precious treasure.

When a young couple starts dating, the boy is courteous and thoughtful. After they get engaged, he shows even more courtesy and always acts like a gentleman. Sad to say, soon after they get married, many a husband forgets to be kind and gentlemanly and starts taking his wife for granted. He forgets that happiness in a home is made up of many little things, including the small courtesies of life.

Big resentments often grow out of small hurts. Husbands and wives need to be honest with each other, admit hurts, and seek for forgiveness and healing. “Giving honor unto the wife” does not mean “giving in to the wife.” A husband can disagree with his wife and still respect and honor her. As the spiritual leader in the home, the husband must sometimes make decisions that are not popular; but he can still act with courtesy and respect.

“Giving honor” means that the husband respects his wife’s feelings, thinking, and desires. He may not agree with her ideas, but he respects them. Often God balances a marriage so that the husband needs what the wife has in her personality, and she likewise needs his good qualities. An impulsive husband often has a patient wife, and this helps to keep him out of trouble!

The husband must be the “thermostat” in the home, setting the emotional and spiritual temperature. The wife often is the “thermometer,” letting him know what that temperature is! Both are necessary. The

husband who is sensitive to his wife’s feelings will not only make her happy, but will also grow himself and help his children live in a home that honors God.

Spiritual—“that your prayers be not hindered.” Peter assumed that husbands and wives would pray together. Often, they do not; and this is the reason for much failure and unhappiness. If unconverted people can have happy homes without prayer (and they do), how much happier Christian homes would be with prayer! In fact, it is the prayer life of a couple that indicates how things are going in the home. If something is wrong, their prayers will be hindered.

A husband and wife need to have their own private, individual prayer time each day. They also need to pray together and to have a time of “family devotion.” How this is organized will change from home to home, and even from time to time as the children grow up and schedules change. The Word of God and prayer are basic to a happy, holy home (Acts 6:4).

A husband and wife are “heirs together.” If the wife shows submission and the husband consideration, and if both submit to Christ and follow His example, then they will have an enriching experience in their marriage. If not, they will miss God’s best and rob each other of blessing and growth. “The grace of life” may refer to children, who certainly are a heritage from God (Ps. 127:3); but even childless couples can enjoy spiritual riches if they will obey Peter’s admonitions.

It might be good if husbands and wives occasionally took inventory of their marriages. Here are some questions, based on what Peter wrote.

1. Are we partners or competitors?2. Are we helping each other become more spiritual?3. Are we depending on the externals or the eternals? The artificial or the real?4. Do we understand each other better?5. Are we sensitive to each other’s feelings and ideas, or taking each other for granted?6. Are we seeing God answer our prayers?7. Are we enriched because of our marriage, or robbing each other of God’s blessing?Honest answers to these questions might make a difference!33

THE BIBLE GUIDE (ANDREW KNOWLES COMMENTARY)And Christian husbands are also to honour their wives. This is a revolutionary idea for Jews, Greeks and Romans—because all three cultures keep women down. Now Peter says that husbands and wives are partners and fellow heirs of heaven. As husbands care for and support their wives, they will find their physical and spiritual life together is enriched.34

WIERSBE’S EXPOSITORY OUTLINES OF THE NEW TESTAMENT

C. Living as a Christian husband.“Likewise” (v. 7) indicates a similar attitude of love and respect on the part of the husband. Marriage is a partnership. Husbands must not remain ignorant but should grow in knowledge of the Lord and of the other partner. The husband must give honor to the wife. They are heirs together of the grace of life, suggesting that children are an inheritance of the Lord. If there is something wrong between Christian mates, their prayers will be hindered; trouble in the home will result. Peter assumes that they do not simply live together; they also pray together!35

THE BIBLE READER’S COMPANION

33 Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (1 Pe 3:7). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.34 Knowles, A. (2001). The Bible guide (1st Augsburg books ed.) (676). Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg.35 Wiersbe, W. W. (1992). Wiersbe’s expository outlines on the New Testament (747). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

Husbands show consideration and respect (3:7). Don’t mistake the Bible’s references to women’s voluntary submission in marriage for divine grant of male domination. Peter reminds us that marriage is a partnership, not slavery.36

THE ESV STUDY BIBLE3:7 Peter’s advice to husbands is compressed, perhaps because he addresses at more length those under authority who are more likely to be mistreated (slaves and wives). The word likewise is merely a transition (cf. v. 1; 5:5); it does not mean husbands should submit to their wives, since Scripture never teaches this (see Eph. 5:21–33). To live … in an understanding way probably focuses on living in accord with God’s will, which includes understanding the needs of a wife. Interpreters differ over whether weaker vessel means weaker in terms of delegated authority, emotions, or physical strength. Peter is probably thinking of the general truth that men are physically stronger than women and may be tempted to threaten their wives through physical or verbal abuse. Women and men share an equal destiny as heirs … of the grace of life. Peter does not think women are inferior to men, for both are equally made in God’s image (cf. Gal. 3:28). If husbands do not treat their wives in a godly way, the Lord will pay no heed to their prayers.37

DR. CONSTABLE'S NOTES ON 1 PETER 2016 EDITION4. Husbands' respect for their wives 3:7 Why did Peter write more about the conduct of women (vv. 1-6) than of men (v. 7)? He evidently did so because his concern was for Christian wives who were married to pagan husbands. A Christian wife married to a pagan husband was in a more vulnerable position, than a Christian husband married to a pagan wife, in that culture. Normally, pagan women married to Christian husbands would adopt their husbands' faith. In Roman society, a wife would normally adopt her husband's religion.159

"His emphasis throughout is on those points at which the Christian community faces outward to confront Roman society. Probably for this reason he omits children and parents altogether; the parent-child relationship (at least in regard to younger children) is not normally one in which belief and unbelief confront each other . . ."160

The Roman author Cato wrote, "If you were to catch your wife in an act of infidelity, you can kill her with impunity without a trial; but, if she were to catch you, she would not venture to touch you with her finger, and, indeed, she has no right."161

The Christian wife's new freedom in Christ created new problems and challenges for her. Apparently Peter wanted to communicate more encouragement (vv. 5-6) and tenderness to the women because of their "weaker," more vulnerable state, not because he believed they were greater sinners than their husbands. What follows in verse 7 is just as challenging as what we have read in verses 1-6.

"It is clear that Peter does not think about the possibility of a husband with a non-Christian wife, for if a family head in that culture changed his religion it would be normal that his wife, servants, and children also changed."162

"In 1 Peter 3:1-6 Christian wives are instructed to behave with deference as they encounter the difficulties of living with an unbelieving husband. Similarly in verse 7 Christian husbands are told to honor their wives in unfair circumstances brought about by the wife's being the weaker vessel."163

Another possibility is that these husbands were suffering for their faith.

36 Richards, L. O. (1991). The Bible reader’s companion (electronic ed.) (881). Wheaton: Victor Books.37 Crossway Bibles. (2008). The ESV Study Bible (2409–2410). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

As with his instructions to wives, Peter began his counsel to the husbands with a command to think right first (cf. 3:1-2). He said men should cultivate "understanding." This brief charge carries profound implications. It requires active listening to the wife, as well as a study of her temperament, emotions, personality, and thought patterns. It is a tall order to know one's wife, to understand her, even to be "understanding" with her. However, the knowledge in view is probably primarily knowledge of God's Word concerning the proper treatment of one's wife.164

By comparing a wife to a "weaker" vessel, Peter was not implying that wives or women are inferior to husbands or males, or that they are weaker in every way or most ways. Obviously, in many marriages the wife is the stronger person: emotionally, mentally, spiritually, morally, socially, and or physically. Nevertheless, physically the wife is usually weaker than her husband. Men tend to choose as their wives women who are not as strong or muscular as they are. Furthermore, men are generally physically stronger than women. In view of this, husbands need to treat their wives with special consideration. Both the husband and the wife are vessels, but husbands are more typically similar to iron skillets, whereas wives resemble china vases, being more delicate. They are equally important, but different.

Peter banished any implication of essential "inferiority," with his reminder that the wife is a "fellow heir" of God's "grace" just as much as the husband. God deals with both types of people the same when it comes to bestowing grace on them. He shows no favoritism or partiality because of their genders. Wives may normally be more delicate in some respects than their husbands, but spiritually they are equal. "Life" probably refers to both physical life and spiritual life, since husbands and wives share both equally.

The husband who does not treat his wife with honor will not get answers to his "prayers" to the degree he could if he treated her with honor (cf. Matt. 6:14-15; 1 Tim. 2:8). In other words, disobedience to the will of God regarding how a man treats his wife hinders the husband's fellowship with God.

"Egkoptesthai ['be hindered'], to have an obstacle thrown in the way, does not restrict the thought to preventing the prayers from reaching their destination at God's throne of grace. The thought includes all manner of hindering. A husband who treats his wife in the wrong way will himself be unfit to pray, will scarcely pray at all. There will be no family altar, no life of prayer. His worship in the congregation will be affected."165

A man's selfishness and egotism in his marriage will hurt both his relationship with God and his relationship with his wife. "As the closest human relationship, the relationship to one's spouse must be most carefully cherished if one wishes a close relationship with God."166

One of a husband's primary responsibilities in a marriage is caring for his wife. Caring requires understanding. If you are married, what are your wife's greatest needs? Ask her. What are her greatest concerns? Ask her. What are her hopes and dreams? Ask her. What new vistas would she like to explore? Ask her, and keep on asking her over the years! Her answers will enable you to understand and care for her more effectively.

"In order to be able to love deeply, we must know each other profoundly. If we are to lovingly respond to the needs of another, we must know what they are."167

"In my premarital counseling as a pastor, I often gave the couple pads of paper and asked them to write down the three things each one thinks the other enjoys doing the most. Usually, the prospective bride made her list immediately; the man would sit and ponder. And usually the girl was right but the man wrong! . . .

"To say, 'I never knew you felt that way!' is to confess that, at some point, one mate excommunicated the other."168

156See James R. Slaughter, "Sarah as a Model for Christian Wives (1 Pet. 3:5-6)," Bibliotheca Sacra 153:611 (July-September 1996):357-65. 157Michaels, p. 165. 158Lenski, p. 136. 159D. L. Balch, Let Wives Be Submissive: The Domestic Code in I Peter, p. 99; idem, "'Let Wives Be Submissive . . .': The Origin, Form, and Apolegetic Function of the Household Duty Code (Haustafel) in I Peter" (Ph.D. dissertation, Yale University, 1974), pp. 240-46. 160Michaels, p. 122. 48 161Cited by William Barclay, The Letters of James and Peter, p. 264. 162Davids, p. 122. 163James R. Slaughter, "Peter's Instructions to Husbands in 1 Peter 3:7," in Integrity of Heart, Skillfulness of Hands, p. 183. 164Ibid., pp. 178-80. 165Lenski, p. 141. 166Davids, p. 123. 167Cedar, p. 158. 168Wiersbe, 2:410. McGee, 5:696-99, made excellent and sometimes hilarious comments on verses 1-7 that are too numerous to quote here.

Chart from p. 63 in Bible Foundations for Manhood and Womanhood, Foundations for the Family Series, 2002, Wayne A. Grudem, Wheaton, IL