september 22, 2014

The ChronicleT H E I N D E P E N D E N T D A I LY AT D U K E U N I V E R S I T Y

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2014 ONE HUNDRED AND TENTH YEAR, ISSUE 20WWW.DUKECHRONICLE.COM

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Jesús Hidalgo | Th e ChronicleTh e Duke University Marching Band, pictured above, parades into Wallace Wade Stadium prior to the Blue Devils’ 47-13 victory over the Green Wave Saturday afternoon. (See story on page 7.)

Duke routs Tulane 47-13 Uni. endowment reaches record high of $7 billion Financial report presented to Board of Trustees at fi rst meeting of academic year

Carleigh Stiehm & Emma BaccellieriEditor-in-Chief & News Editor

The Duke University endowment reached a record high of $7 billion at the end of the 2013 fiscal year.

The growth—which stems from a 20.1 percent return on total invest-ments—was announced in a report to the Board of Trustees, who held their first meeting of the aca-demic year this weekend. The endowment’s previ-ous peak came before the economic downturn, reaching $6.1 billion in 2008 before dropping more than 25 percent.

“Everyone was glad to hear the economic report,” President Richard Brodhead said. “Many of our Trustees have been on the Board the whole time through the incredible downturn, and the fact that our endowment is now here...is wonderful.”

The endowment’s value represents an in-crease of $1 billion from the 2012 fiscal year, which also saw high growth—a reported 13.5 percent return on the endowment invest-ments, which raised the endowment’s value from $5.6 billion to $6 billion.

The endowment is professionally man-aged by DUMAC, an investment group con-trolled by the University. The fiscal year runs from July 1 to June 30.

Students should not underestimate the lasting impacts that a strong and growing en-dowment have on aca-demic and student life, said Michael Schoenfeld, vice president for public affairs and government re-lations. He noted that the University’s endowment makes possible Duke’s extensive financial aid op-tions, endowed professor-ships and programs such

as DukeEngage.Recent estimates state that slightly more

than 20 percent of the endowment is desig-nated to support the financial aid budget.

The endowment’s growth comes after a

See Trustees on Page 4

Many of our Trust-ees have been on

the Board the whole time through the incredible downturn, and the fact that our endowment is now here...is wonderful.

— Richard Brodhead

New Nicholas School dean takes international approach

Adam BeyerTh e Chronicle

See Nicholas on Page 4

Yuyi Li | Th e ChronicleTh e Nicholas School’s Environment Hall, pic-tured above, was completed and opened for use this past Spring.

Duke’s Nicholas School of the Environ-ment is poised to take an international ap-proach after undergoing two major transi-tions.

Within this past year, the Nicholas School appointed a new dean—Alan Townsend, who replaced former Dean William Chameides—and the school’s Environment Hall was completed and opened for use. With its new leadership and an environmentally-friendly space in which to operate, the Nicholas School hopes to expand by undertaking worldwide initiatives and furthering its interdisciplinary programs.

“We have emerging initiatives coming out of the school that really reach broadly to think about how we can group talent in the University,” Townsend said. “I just see a good

Bochen HanTh e Chronicle

Monserrate honors Pratt at Founders’ Day Convocation

See Convocation on Page 3

Member of Board of Trustees is fi rst keynote speaker from Pratt School of Engineering

Students, faculty, administrators and alum-ni convened in the Chapel Friday for the an-nual Founders’ Day Convocation—featuring, for the first time, a keynote speaker from the Pratt School of Engineering.

Martha Monserrate—Engineering ‘81 and a member of the Board of Trustees—gave the keynote address, emphasizing Pratt’s success as the school celebrates its 75th anniversary and describing how it fits into the greater pic-ture of the University. The Convocation also featured President Richard Brodhead’s pre-sentation of faculty and alumni awards.

Monserrate started her speech by asking all the engineers in the room to stand up

for recognition before launching into an ad-dress lauding Pratt’s suc-cess over the years and more notably, the “im-portance of the engineer and the non-engineer to each other”.

The president of both consulting firm Environ-mental Excellent Engineering and the war amputee service organization the Given Limb Foundation, Monserrate described how her time at Duke provided her with a unique sense of direction. Although she entered the Univer-sity intending to study biology, she changed her major after taking an eye-opening course on air pollution and has been engaged in en-vironmental engineering since. She joined the Board of Trustees in 2009.

She earned a chuckle from Brodhead when she brought up a Kipling poem bearing

Martha Monserrate

A North Carolina 1st Raleigh houses N.C.’s fi rst special needs charter school | Page 2

#1 UNC Goes UnderMen’s soccer defeats UNC for fi rst time since 2006 | Page 6

U.N. Adviser visits DukeSpecial Adviser to the U.N. Juan Mendez spoke at Duke after donating his papers | Online Only

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First special needs charter comes to North Carolina

At a charter school, we have more flex-

ibility to think out of the box. Hopefully that style of learning will be seen around the state. My hope is that other schools like us will open up.

— Mike Watkins

Abigail Xie The Chronicle

Dynamic Community Charter School founded by parents to improve education for students with disabilities

This August, North Carolina’s first charter school for chil-dren with special needs opened in Raleigh, aiming to improve education for students with intellectual, social and develop-mental disabilities.

The Dynamic Community Charter School was founded by a group of parents with special needs children who wanted an alternative to public schools. Sixty-nine students between sixth and 10th grade have started at the school, which employs a creative style of learning and teaching to benefit students who might have difficulties in the public school system. Laura Kay Berry, president of the Board of Directors for the school, homeschooled her own son for six years before she and the other parents founded the charter school this past year.

“We’re just thrilled our kids have a safe place to learn now,” Berry said. “In public schools they are marginalized in special ed classes and they fall behind.”

Creative methodsDCCS employs project-based learning and individual-

ized competency goals so the students can work toward their unique strengths and at their own pace. Teachers try to accom-modate each child’s needs more than the public school system would, Berry said.

“At a charter school we have more flexibility to think out of the box,” said Mike Watkins, principal of DCCS. “Hopefully that style of learning will be seen around the state. My hope is that other schools like us will open up.”

Teachers are flexible with their methods and try to reach stu-dents through any mode they can, Watkins said. The school focuses on daily hands-on experiences for its students and fostering a passionate teaching staff. He told the story of how one teacher laid on the floor next to a student because that is how the student wanted to learn for the day.

“This is my 14th year in education, but this year I was so in awe of the staff,” Wat-kins said about his teachers’ performances so far. “The passion they show for the kids, especially in the first four weeks, it’s truly awe-inspiring.”

The response from the surrounding community has been largely positive, and community involvement has become vital to the running of the school, Watkins said. In July of this year, parents of students raised $109,000 dollars in private donations to DCCS.

The school can now also receive national and local grants, as it recently received nonprofit certification from the state.

“We really believe this school could be a national model for special needs education,” Berry said.

An alternative modelThe opening of DCCS fits into a larger nationwide discus-

sion about the viability and practicality of charter schools in general.

Children with exceptionalities have available services with highly trained officials in public schools and their parents should advocate for these services instead of seeking out other school options, said Kristen Stephens, associate professor of the practice of education, in an email Thursday.

“My concern with the emergence of charter schools is that we are creating an increasingly segregated public school sys-tem,” Stephens wrote. “I am concerned that grouping these students in a self-con-tained school limits their educational and social options.”

Berry said that the purpose of charter schools is to present an innovative way of learning. Methods like project-based learning, which DCCS employs, give stu-dents the same opportunities and experi-ences as public school students, and could eventually be incorporated into public spe-cial education programs.

“It’s clear that a high percentage of our kids are enjoying school,” Watkins said. “They feel more accepted here with stu-dents with backgrounds like their own.”

DCCS is looking ahead to open up to 11th and 12th grad-ers soon and to continue growing as a school on a local and national level, but for now, administrators are committed to helping the current classes prosper.

“In two years we’ll have our first graduating class, but I’m not looking that far into the future,” Watkins said. “I’m focus-ing more on short term goals, because short term successes will breed long term successes. That’ll give students the confidence they need to succeed.”

Weekend in photos

Emma Loewe | The ChronicleThe Environmental Alliance hosted a climate rally to coincide with the People’s Climate March in New York City Sunday.

Mike Mia | The ChronicleThe Duke Start-Up Challenge ended its entrepreneurship com-petition by awarding a $50,000 prize to the winning team Friday.

Alex Deckey | The ChronicleCoach Cutcliffe took part in a “Chalk Talk” at Penn Pavilion Friday.

Catherine Farmer | The ChronicleThe Duke and Durham community participated in pre-game festivities before Saturday’s game against Tulane.

The Chronicle www.dukechronicle.com MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2014 | 3

CONVOCATIONcontinued from page 1

her name—assuring the crowd it was not “an egotistical choice”—saying it would capture the relationship between engineers and every-one else in the University community.

The 1907 poem “Sons of Martha”, alludes to a biblical story in which Mary’s sister, Mar-tha, is chastised by the Lord for complaining about Mary’s undivided attention to Jesus and lack of attentiveness to her other duties. The Lord replies that Mary has chosen the better part and that shall not be taken away from her.

“All engineers are ‘sons of Martha’, des-tined in life to make amends for Martha’s prideful complaining,” she said. “To do this they work hard, without fanfare, without no-toriety, with complaint, in order to let the so-ciety full of Mary’s sons enjoy the better part.”

Monserrate closed her speech with a call to all Duke’s sons of Martha and Mary.

“Working together is the perfect way to make change happen on a large scale so that society can enjoy the better parts,” she said.

Following Monserrate’s address, Brod-head acknowledged the students of under-graduate and graduate scholarship programs, as well as the winners of faculty and employee awards. He then presented the annual Found-ers’ Day medals.

The prestigious University Medals were awarded to Cookie Anspach Kohn—Wom-en’s College ‘60 and long-serving member of the Board of Trustees—and “legendary” Horst Meyer, Fritz London Professor Emeri-tus of Physics.

Brodhead thanked Kohn for her unfalter-ing service to the University, highlighting that she did not miss a single meeting in the 12 years she served as Trustee.

He thanked Meyer in particular for his long-term mentorship of Duke graduates, in-cluding one Nobel Prize winner, and, in good

humor, for his faithful maintenance of a blue-bird box in the President’s yard.

The Alumni Distinguished Undergradu-ate Teaching Award was presented to Lewis Blake, associate professor of the practice of mathematics. Brodhead thanked Blake for his leadership in developing innovative and effective methods in teaching calculus and for his three-decade impact on generations of first-year students.

The Distinguished Alumni Award was giv-en to Judge Gerald Bard Tjoflat, Law ‘57, the nation’s longest serving federal appeals court judge. Brodhead thanked Tjoflat for his “ex-traordinary leadership in moral integrity in the legal profession” and his lifelong service to the Duke Law School.

Freshman Victoria Nestrugina said she found the convocation humbling and inspir-ing, saying it showed that “we possess not only membership in a particular group of scholars for...high school achievements but also in a family of diverse and accomplished individu-als working to make society a better place.”

Xirui Liu | The ChronicleSam Tsui, a musician and internet celebrity, per-formed in Reynold’s theater Thursday evening.

Tsui Comes to Duke


Kenan-Biddle Partnership offers grants to bring UNC,

Duke students togetherThe University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Duke University are

accepting applications for the fifth year of the Kenan-Biddle Partnership, funded by the William R. Kenan, Jr. Charitable Trust and The Mary Duke Biddle Foundation. The initiative is designed to promote collaborative projects between students of these two great universities.

The Kenan-Biddle Partnership grant promotes student-initiated, inter-institutional projects designed to strengthen established collaborations or encourage new ones. Proposed projects may contribute to the scholarly or public service missions of both campuses. Each project proposal must have a student or students who serve as the project initiator. An appeal for proposals from both campuses will encourage collaborative arts, sciences and humanities projects that will positively affect both campus communities. Each project must include at least one public exhibition, presentation or performance to bring the benefit of the grant to a broader community.

Grants can be used flexibly for project support and/or materials. Grant requests should be for approximately $5,000; however, other amounts may be considered depending upon the scope and impact of the project. The grants run for the 2015 calendar year. Preference will be given to proposals made jointly by students from both institutions. The proposals will be reviewed by an advisory committee of students, faculty and administrators co-chaired by Carol P. Tresolini, vice provost for academic initiatives at UNC, and Larry Moneta, vice president for student affairs at Duke.

Proposal applications may be submitted now through Oct. 24, 2014.

Decisions will be announced in November for a Jan. 1, 2015 start.

Applicants should visit http://studentaffairs.duke.edu/ovp/initiatives/kenan-biddle-partnership

for more information and application instructions.

second consecutive record-breaking year of fundraising. Un-der the current capital campaign, Duke Forward, the Univer-sity earned $441.8 million in philanthropic contributions for the 2013 fiscal year—amassing $2.17 billion of the campaign’s $3.25 billion goal with three years left to go.

In addition to the financial report, the Board approved funding for several campus construction projects.

Increased funding was granted for the repairs to the West Duke Building, after it was determined that the renovations were far more extensive than had originally been planned. The building was damaged when a second-story roof collapsed in the Spring.

The Board allotted additional money for the renovations to Page Auditorium as part of a scheduled funding increase, bringing the total budget close to the estimated final $5 mil-lion, Schoenfeld said.

Brodhead noted that the timeline for the Page renovations had been moved forward to accommodate the upcoming work on the Chapel, which was unexpected.

“One thing that worked out somewhat differently than we had anticipated...was the fact that we would have to close the Chapel,” Brodhead said. “Planning for that led us to accelerate the work on Page.”

The University discovered that the Chapel was in need of repairs during a 2012 review of the structure. The structure will close for a year following Commencement in 2015.

Preliminary discussions began regarding renovations to East Campus Union, particularly the Marketplace. The Board also saw beginning stages of the layout for the new health and wellness center, which is set to begin construction in the Spring and will open in 2016.

In other business:Although many of the action items on the Board’s agenda

revolved around construction, Brodhead noted that much of the weekend’s discussion centered on academics.

Dean Thomas Katsouleas presented an update on the Pratt School of Engineering’s strategic planning process, and Pro-vost Sally Kornbluth discussed the University’s research efforts.

“Maybe 12, 14 years ago—the Trustees understood that Duke would never be the university it wished to be if it didn’t have strength in the sciences and engineering,” Brodhead said. “It’s interesting for us to see how those strategic investments have paid off.”

The board also Skyped with Mary Brown Bullock—execu-tive vice chancellor of Duke Kunshan University—about DKU’s opening weeks and had a discussion on intercollegiate athletics with Vice President and Director of Athletics Kevin White.

Brodhead and his wife, Cindy, were recognized by the Board for 10 years of dedication to Duke.

“This was as happy and positive a Trustee meeting as I’ve ever seen,” Brodhead said.

TRUSTEEScontinued from page 1

Thu Nguyen | The ChronicleDuke’s endowment reached a record high of $7 billion in the 2013 fiscal year.

NICHOLAScontinued from page 1

chance to build on the things that are happening here.”Townsend said he sees an exciting future ahead for the

Nicholas School as it goes global, noting a particular focus on the tropics and other specified areas around the globe. He said he also wants the school to continue expanding entrepreneurship programs and to increase collaboration with the Medical School and the Duke Global Health Institute.

“We continue to devote tremendous energy in helping students gain international experiences, either through holding events at the Nicholas School or providing opportunities for students to go overseas,” said Erika Weinthal, associate professor of environmental policy and the associate dean for international programs at the Nicholas School.

Weinthal also noted that the Nicholas School has been interested in environmental issues and policy in China, especially with the opening of Duke Kunshan University.

Townsend’s arrival as dean also coincides with the school’s first full year in the LEED Platinum-rated Environment Hall, located adjacent to the Levine Science Research Center.

“I think a lot people are really happy that we a have a new and bigger space where folks can come together in ways they haven’t before,” Townsend said.

Several students, faculty and staff have also had positive reactions to the building.

“They are still finishing up things, but I still enjoy having the new space,” said Andrew Pericak, a first-year student in the Master of Environmental Management program.

Others praised the building’s emphasis on sustainability.“Since we are the school of the environment it’s a good

thing to aspire towards,” said Katheryne Doughty, who works in information technology at the Nicholas School.


sports

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sportswrapthe chronicle

WOMEN’S SOCCER: Duke shuts out Pittsburgh in ACC opener• FOOTBALL: Blue Devils rout Tulane 47-13

KINGS OF TOBACCO ROAD


sports

6 | MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2014 www.dukechroniclesports.com The Chronicle The Chronicle www.dukechroniclesports.com MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2014 | 7

DUKE UPSETS TOP-RANKED TAR HEELS Duke rides Green Wave mistakes in rout

Taseen HaqueSta� Writer

Ryan HoergerManaging Sports Editor

Men’s Soccer Football

Field Hockey

For the first time since 2006, the Blue Devils can call themselves kings of Tobacco Road, as they dethroned top-ranked North Carolina in a Friday night thriller.

After falling behincd 1-0 late in the first half against the No. 1 Tar Heels, Duke—behind the heroics of senior captain Sean Davis—

found the back of the net two times within six minutes late in

the second half to pull out a 2-1 win. Playing in front of a standing-room only crowd at Koskinen Stadium, the Blue Devils showed the potential they had been hinting at all season.

“It’s finally a good day that the Duke fans were waiting for, and I’m really pleased for them,” Duke head coach John Kerr said. “I’m really proud of our guys. They really had to keep their heads at halftime. They came out in the second half and kept plugging away.”

The game got off to a heated start, as only five seconds into the game Davis picked up a foul after taking down North Carolina senior Andy Craven with a hard slide tackle at midfield.

“I thought I saw a heavy touch and I went for it,” Davis said. “I promise I got a little bit of the ball, but I did wanna send a message to them, to the guys on my team, and really set a tone from the start.”

The game did not cool down after that. With a total of 20 fouls throughout the match, players were doing everything they could get away with to make sure their side left victorious.

And just as the players, the fans on both sides were rowdy throughout the evening. The Tar Heel faithful even received a warning by referee John McCloskey late in the second half. But the packed house—which is a rarity

at soccer matches—was deeply appreciated by the Blue Devils.

“What a boost it gave our players, to have a big crowd like that to come out in numbers,” said Kerr. “They were loud and wearing the colors. What a huge boost and bonus it was for our players…. Hopefully these fans will come back and wanna see more.”

Duke (3-2-1, 1-1-0 in the ACC) found a couple of early opportunities in the first half, including a breakaway by Blue Devil sophomore Brody Huitema that was defended out by the Tar Heels (5-2-0, 1-1-0). Duke seemed to slow down soon after, being outshot by North Carolina 8-3 in the first half.

The barrage of shots took a toll on Duke, with one Tar Heel goal finally breaking through in the 38th minute. Off an assist from North Carolina Junior Alex Olofson,

senior forward Tyler Engel hit a shot that clanged off the right post and rolled into the bottom right of the goal to put the Tar Heels up 1-0.

“For me giving up that first goal was disappointing because we played so well in the first half,” Kerr siad.

After a quiet seven minutes following the Carolina goal, the teams came out in the second half energized and ready to start again. For the next 35 minutes, both teams traded jabs, with each side finding the occasional unsuccessful breakaway or corner.

Then, in the 75th minute, Duke captain Davis opened the floodgates for the Blue Devils. From about 25 yards out on a free kick, the Holmdel, N.J., native lined up and hit a shot that bent into the top left corner of the goal to tie the game at 1-1 with 15:34 left.

Jesús Hidalgo | � e ChronicleDuke senior Sean Davis scored and assisted on the Blue Devils’ goals to beat No. 1 North Carolina.

“I felt like it was definitely calling my name,” Davis said. “I feel like they were asking for it at the top of the box. It was on me to capitalize. Fortunately I did, and was able to tie the game and give us some momentum for the rest of the game.”

Davis was not done there. In the 81st minute, he found freshman Cameron Moseley in the box on a cross sent in from 18 yards out. Moseley—who continues to lead the Duke squad in points in a groundbreaking freshman campaign—headed the ball near post side and put the Blue Devils up 2-1 with 9:41 left.

“I had it at the edge of the area, edge of the 18, and I saw a space near post,” said Davis. “I saw [Moseley], who is great at finishing, great on getting on the end of balls, and I tried to whip in a ball so he could slide it in past the keeper. They gave me a little too much space and I was able to capitalize.”

But the Tar Heels were not going to be upset without a fight. Immediately after the second goal, they cranked up their fast-paced attack to try and get back in the game, even pulling their goalie into the opposing penalty area during a last minute corner.

“[When you are ahead] you definitely have a bit of nerves,”Duke goalie Joe Ohaus said. “You know they are going come at you. But you gotta sit in and weather the storm. There were about 10 minutes left after we scored the second one, so we had to just sit in and deal with it.”

The Blue Devils did just that, stymying the Tar Heel offensive for the last 10 minutes and giving Duke its first win in the ACC.

Kerr gave much of the credit to senior Davis, in what might be the captain’s final game in the Tobacco Road rivalry.

“Absolutely phenomenal performance by someone that knows its his senior year, knows this may be the last chance to play Carolina, last chance to beat Carolina, and without him we would have struggled,” Kerr said. “He was dynamite.”

The Blue Devils were far from perfect Saturday, but they were happy to take advantage of the numerous opportunities Tulane provided them to make big plays.

Duke wrapped up nonconference play with a 47-13 win Saturday against the Green Wave at Wallace Wade Stadium, the Blue Devils’

first 4-0 start since 1994. Wide receiver Jamison Crowder recorded his first 100-

yard game of the season and the Duke defense recorded four interceptions—including two that were returned for touchdowns—to spur the rout.

“[We did] a lot of positive things defensively,” Blue Devil head coach David Cutcliffe said. “When we had bent, and bent, and bent, and maybe been pushed around a little bit, we would come back out with a great series.”

Duke (4-0) moved the ball convincingly on its opening drive, going 75 yards on seven plays—six of them quarterback rushes—and grabbing an early 7-0 lead on a one-yard rush by backup quarterback Thomas Sirk. The redshirt sophomore picked up 43 yards on a third-and-one conversion earlier in the drive, and starter Anthony Boone added 27 yards on four keepers, reaping the rewards of the read-option.

“[They have a] really aggressive overflow defense,” Boone said. “I decided to pull a couple and make some of those ends try to choose between [me and the running back]. I wanted to see if I could pull a couple early and then open my backs up later in the second half.... It’s a bang-bang read. I try to keep it in there as long as possible and make the end guess wrong.”

After Tulane quickly tied the score, another quick Blue Devil drive keyed by three completions to Crowder for 52 yards put

Duke on the two yard line in less than two minutes, where senior Josh Snead punched it in to reclaim the lead. It was a sign of bigger things to come for Crowder, who moved into fifth place on the ACC all-time receptions list during the drive and finished with six grabs for 119 yards.

“A guy like that, you want him to touch the ball as much as possible, but he just happened to get hot today,” Boone said. “He made them hurt when the ball was in his hands.”

Crowder, who was held to just 14 yards last week against Kansas, said he tried to block out his most recent performance and focus on the game at hand.

“Last week I didn’t perform and make the plays that I usually make, but you have to just realize that you have to take it one week at a time,” Crowder said. “This week I wanted to come out and make plays. I got the opportunities and I was able to capitalize on them.”

From there, the game turned sloppy.

Tulane (1-3) handed the Blue Devils a free two points by snapping the ball out of the end zone on a punt for a safety, and the Duke secondary victimized Lee twice in the red zone in the second quarter, foiling a couple of promising Green Wave drives with interceptions by safety Jeremy Cash and linebacker Zavier Carmichael. But Boone and the Blue Devils were unable to capitalize on the Tulane mistakes, going three and out and then handing the ball right back to the Green Wave on an interception. The turnover was Duke’s first of the season.

“As an offense we want to go out there and be perfect,” Boone said. “You’ve got to go out and execute, because the next games are ACC, and every play is critical from first down to fourth down.... We have to take care of the football at all times.”

Duke’s offense hit a lull in the second quarter, managing just 56 yards and three

Sanjeev Dasgupta | � e ChronicleRedshirt sophomore quarterback � omas Sirk rushed for 94 yards and a touchdown in the Blue Devils’ 47-13 win against Tulane.

In some ways, Duke played its worst game of the season this weekend. But being on the right side of the sloppy game’s biggest plays gave the Blue Devils the only result that truly matters—a win.

Duke emerged from a mistake-filled matchup against Tulane with a 47-13 victory by capitalizing on its opponent’s mistakes in every facet of the game Saturday. The hard-earned win extends the Blue Devils’ undefeated start to the season, but came with much room for improvement heading into conference play.

“When everything doesn’t go just like you want it to go, that’s a lot of busy people,” head coach David Cutcliffe said. “There’s a reason the game ended up a 47-13 victory. A lot of that is just how you respond to adversity we sometimes created ourselves.”

After not turning the ball over in its first three games, the Blue Devils gave it away twice against Tulane and were lucky that total was not higher. One pass from redshirt senior quarterback Anthony Boone slipped out of his hand as he threw it, bouncing just before a Tulane defender could scoop it out of the air. Another hit a Green Wave defender in the helmet before falling incomplete when Boone decided to force a pass into traffic over the middle.

“Right now, we’re not really on page with quarterbacks,” senior wide receiver Jamison Crowder said. “It’s something that we’re just going to have to work on, and hopefully everything will fall together.”

Despite struggling to move the ball through the air—Boone failed to pass for a touchdown for the first game this season and his 15 completions were a season low—Boone and backup quarterback Thomas Sirk were able to find some success on the ground, combining for 150 rushing yards and two touchdowns. But even running the ball the Blue Devils were mistake-prone—twice a Duke player lost a fumble that was subsequently recovered by a teammate, and a different play resulted in an apparent lost fumble overturned upon review.

Tulane’s inability to convert its opportunities on defense allowed Duke to turn to its superb kicking combination of punter Will Monday and kicker Ross Martin to force the Green Wave to start all but one of their possessions inside their own 30-yard line.

On the other side of the ball, though things were not much prettier.

Giving up 375 yards—215 of which came on the ground—Duke’s defense had trouble stopping the Green Wave, especially between the twenties. The Blue Devils allowed more rushing yards than the week before for the third consecutive game and committed multiple penalties that kept Tulane drives alive.

But pressure on Tulane quarterback Tanner Lee, a couple fortuitous bounces and a host of Green Wave mistakes allowed Duke to force five turnovers and hold Tulane Alex Deckey | Chronicle File Photo

Duke senior Martine Chichizola led the Blue Devils with two goals in their dominating win at William & Mary Sunday.

Coming off their first loss of the season, the Blue Devils were eager to get off to a fast start on the road against William & Mary. Two goals in the first 10 minutes of play helped do just that.

Third-ranked Duke, led by senior Martine Chichizola’s two goals, defeated the Tribe 3-0 Sunday afternoon to improve to 7-1 on the

season. The Blue Devils’ offensive explosion was

coupled with goalkeeper Lauren Blazing’s fourth shutout of the season in one of their most complete performances of the season.

“It was a good response. We had a tough game Friday and we were able to adjust some things in practice,” head coach Pam Bustin said. “In the first part of today’s game, we came out strong with our attacking mentality. It gets us back in control of the way we want to

DUKE 2No. 1 UNC 1

PITT 0DUKE 3

DUKE 47TULANE 13

Blue Devils not perfect, still 4-0

Michael SchreinerBeat Writer

See Perfect on Page 8

See Football on Page 8

Led by senior Sean Davis, Duke used two late goals to upset No. 1 North Carolina.

play and the kind of game we want to play. We want to be the team that can set the tone from the very first whistle.”

Duke was clearly on the offensive early, taking five shots on goal in the first half of the contest. It was at the 4:41 mark that freshman Ashley Kristen put the ball past Tribe goalkeeper Meredith Savage on an assist by Heather Morris to give the Blue Devils a 1-0 lead.

Just three minutes later, Chichizola deflected in a shot from Kristen to give the Blue Devils an insurmountable two-goal margin. By halftime, Duke had accumulated a 9-2 shot advantage and appeared to be in firm control of the game.

Heading into the second half, the Blue Devils stayed aggressive offensively with nine more shots and controlled the time of possession. Duke then broke through once again in the 68th minute when Chichizola put in a rebound at the near post to give Duke a

Duke kicked off ACC play firing on all cylinders, as the Blue Devils sent a message to the rest of the conference that they are a challenger for the ACC title.

Three quick goals within the first 20 minutes and stout defensive play allowed the

Blue Devils to claim a 3-0 win against the Panthers Friday

night at Ambrose Urbanic Field in Pittsburgh, Pa. The shutout by Duke was its second in as many games and was a result of a hard week’s preparation.

“It was a great way to open up the ACC play,” Duke head coach Robbie Church said. “I thought the girls did a fantastic job of preparing themselves. They were ready to play. They were excited about playing in the ACC. They were excited about playing up

here in Pittsburgh.”The Blue Devils’ offensive onslaught first

began approximately three minutes into regulation when freshman Imani Dorsey played a ball forward to senior Kelly Cobb. The Chugiak, Alaska, native then set up a cross to sophomore Cristina Gibbons, who converted with her third goal in the last four games.

Less than five minutes later, Dorsey and Cobb were threatening once again. Cobb delivered another crossing pass to Dorsey. The freshman then sent a shot past Panther goalkeeper Taylor Francis for her third goal of the season.

“Anytime you can score a goal early in the match and put the other team on their heels and then follow that up with a second goal…the confidence really builds for your team,” Church said.

Duke’s confidence was on display in the 20th minute when Gibbons forwarded the ball

Jesús Hidalgo | Chronicle File PhotoDuke freshman Imani Dorsey netted a goal and assisted on another in Duke’s ACC opener.

Women’s Soccer

Sam TurkenSta� Writer

Duke rebounds with 3-0 shutoutSameer Pandhare

Sta� Writer

See Field Hockey on Page 8See W. Soccer on Page 9

Blue Devils dominate Panthers in ACC opener

DUKE 3W&M 0

Football


sports

8 | MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2014 www.dukechroniclesports.com The Chronicle

L’Shanah Tovah L’Shanah Tovah Happy New Year

Schedule of Services and Meals for Rosh Hashanah Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Reform and Conservative Services - 6:00pm Holiday Dinner - 7:15pm, $18*

Thursday, September 25, 2014 Conservative Services - 9:00am Reform Services - 10:30am Kiddush Luncheon - 12:30pm, $10* Grab lunch to go from Freeman and walk to Duke Gardens Picnic at Duke Gardens - 1:00pm Tashlikh - 2:00pm @ Duke Gardens North Pond Holiday Dinner - 6:00pm, $18* Conservative Services and Kiddush - 7:00pm

Friday, September 26, 2014 Conservative Services - 9:00am Kiddush Luncheon - 12:30pm, $10*

Schedule of Services and Meals for Yom Kippur Friday, October 3, 2014

Pre-fast dinner - 5:15pm, $18* Reform & Conservative Kol Nidre Services - 6:15pm

Saturday, October 4, 2014 Conservative Services - 9:00am Conservative Yizkor Service - 11:30am (approx.) Conservative Minchah - 5:15pm Conservative Neilah - 6:30pm

Reform Services - 10:00am Reform Yizkor Service - 6:30pm Reform Neilah - 7:00pm

Communal Shofar Blowing - 7:40pm Break the Fast - 7:45pm

All meals and services take place at the Freeman Center for Jewish Life

*All meals require reservations: http://tinyurl.com//hiho2014

Limited space still available for all meals.

Tickets for services are free to all students with Duke ID.

The Freeman Center for Jewish Life is located at 1415 Faber St at the corner of Campus Drive and Swift Ave.

Parking is extremely limited. Guests are strongly encouraged to take the bus .

To make your reservations or for more information contact

[email protected] or 919.684.6422 http://studentaffairs.duke.edu/jewishlife

Rosh Hashanah Wednesday Sept. 24 - Friday Sept. 26

Yom Kippur Friday Oct. 3 - Saturday Oct. 4 points in those 15 minutes. The hot-and-

cold stretches had Cutcliffe searching for consistency postgame.

“We don’t turn off, we don’t change—it’s just being able to maintain execution,” Cutcliffe said. “You get off to fast starts, you’ve still got to understand focus, timing, execution, play every down. I don’t think it’s any particular thing. We’ve just got to go play.”

After forcing a Tulane punt to begin the third quarter, Duke dialed up the long ball on its first play of the half, as Boone connected with Crowder on a 48-yard pass to set the Blue Devils in the red zone. Six rushes later, Boone sneaked in from one yard out to extend the lead to 26-7.

“Our offense has so many answers that it’s kind of hard, even if you scheme us, to be right” Boone said. “They were afraid of our backs because of last game, so today I had a chance to open it up [in the running game].”

Operating out of the hurry-up, Tulane continued to call draw plays that carved out large chunks of yardage. The Green Wave racked up 215 yards on the ground—the most Duke has allowed this season and something Cutcliffe attributed in part to poor tackling—but had trouble reflecting that success on the scoreboard, often because it could not get out of its own way. Head coach Curtis Johnson repeatedly left his offense on the field on fourth down, reflecting an apparent lack of confidence in placekicker Andrew DiRocco, who entered the game 1-for-4 on field goals from inside 40 yards. DiRocco missed the extra point after Tulane running back Lazedrick Thompson found the endzone with 6:57 left in the third quarter.

Another Green Wave mistake paved the way for Duke’s next touchdown. Trailing 26-13 and having just forced a Blue Devil punt, Tulane muffed the punt return at the 24 yard

line, where it was recovered by David Reeves. Freshman Shaun Wilson was the beneficiary of the error, scoring on a seven-yard scamper to push the lead to 33-13.

After breaking the school record for rushing yards in a single game last weekend against Kansas, Wilson was mostly contained Saturday but showed explosiveness at times, including a 26-yard burst. But a drive after registering the fourth touchdown of his young career, the freshman coughed up the ball for the first time, deep in the red zone.

The Blue Devil defense quickly erased that mistake, as Bryon Fields baited Lee into another poor throw, which he returned for a touchdown to seal Duke’s fourth consecutive win.

“It creates confidence. [Fields has] been challenged, and every corner’s going to be challenged,” Cutcliffe said. “Every time you have a little bit more success, you get a little bit comfortable. It makes you more resilient, and corners have to be resilient people. If you get gun-shy out there, you can’t play.”

Tulane’s next drive ended in a punt formation, but another high snap led to a fumble, recovered by the Green Wave and then shoveled forward by a Tulane player in a moment of panic. The ball came to rest in the arms of Blue Devil running back Joseph Ajeigbe—in on special teams—who took the ball across the line for his first career touchdown and Duke’s second return touchdown in as many series.1

“I’ve never seen anything like that,” Crowder said. “That was crazy. I’m sure Joe’s happy because he got his first touchdown, I’m sure he didn’t expect he would score it like that.”

ACC play gets under way next weekend for the Blue Devils, who must travel to take on a dangerous Miami team at 7:30 p.m. Saturday on ESPN2. The Hurricanes will have a healthy Duke Johnson in the backfield after missing the matchup between the teams last season.

to just 13 points. Lee finished the game with three interceptions, with two of those coming in the red zone and the third being returned by sophomore corner Bryon Fields for a touchdown. Duke’s other interception and second defensive score came on a play Cutcliffe said he had never seen before—an interception return by running back Joseph Ajeigbe following a poor snap on a Tulane punt attempt.

“Our turnovers were big,” sophomore safety Deondre Singleton said. “The fact that we were able to stop their momentum at

FOOTBALLcontinued from page 7

3-0 lead. The goal was her second of the game and of the season and was a product of the constant pressure the Blue Devils placed on the Tribe defense.

“We kind of tailed off a bit and we wanted to finish this year better and I think towards the end of the game we started building on that again,” Bustin said. “The key overall is just continuing to lengthen the amount of time we are able to play our best and the kind of hockey we want to play. We want to be able to sustain our level of play for the full 70 minutes.”

In addition to the solid outing had by the Duke offense, the Blue Devil defense turned

PERFECTcontinued from page 7

times and put points on the board—that’s the reason we were able to get this done.”

The ugly win gives the Blue Devils their best record to start a season since 1994, and marks the end of what was expected to be a relatively easy start to Duke’s season before it enters conference play. The Blue Devils cannot count on many more opportunistic wins such as the one they had Saturday, but the team does sit exactly where it had hoped to be before the season began.

“Even though today wasn’t pretty in many circumstances, we are going into our conference games with a 4-0 record,” linebacker David Helton said. “That was our goal.”

FIELD HOCKEYcontinued from page 7

in a strong effort, limiting William & Mary to just four shots and four corners. The defense was boosted by a solid effort from Blazing, who posted three saves in the shutout. The strong offensive and defensive performances by Duke were exactly what the young squad needed to move on from a tough loss to conference opponent Virginia.

“It’s just a different challenge. This group of youngsters is super talented and it’s just a matter of exposing them to experience and helping them develop their own way of playing, ” Bustin said. “It’s very exciting for our future and very exciting as we go from game to game.”

The Blue Devils will now return home to Williams Field to host California Friday, Sept. 26 at 6 p.m.


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(dentist’s directive)

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shows starting in the 1960s

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order

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predecessor42 ___ jacket

(protective wear)47 Recede, as the

tide49 Pass (out)51 Villain’s look52 Formal goodbye

54 Wheels for big wheels

55 Molecular bits

56 One of 10 in a series of football downs

57 “Semper Fi” org.

58 A little shuteye

60 Gambling game whose name spells a gambling town when the first letter is changed

61 Killed, as a dragon

64 Tie-___ (commercial promotions)

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EBOLA WHAT’S BEHIND IT WHAT’S IN FRONT OF US?

, WHAT’S IN FRONT OF US?

SEPT 22 – 26, 2014 Monday, Sept 22

Ebola: The Outbreak & the Response*

5:00 pm 217 Perkins Library

Chris Woods

Professor, Duke Global Health Institute and

Medicine

Michael Merson Director, Duke Global Health

Institute; Wolfgang Joklik Professor, Global Health

Tuesday, Sept 23 Can Sirleaf Survive

Ebola?* 5:00 pm

Mary Lou William Center, Flowers Bldg

Mary Moran

Professor, Anthropology and Africana and Latin

American Studies, Colgate University

Wednesday, Sept 24 Desperate People & Circumstances: Are

Desperate Solutions Wise?* 5:00 pm

217 Perkins Library

Philip M. Rosoff Director, Clinical Ethics, Duke University Hospital; Professor,

Medicine and Pediatrics

Thursday, Sept 25 Nigeria’s First Hand Country

Response 12:00 – 1:00 pm 040 Trent Hall

(Live Videoconference Presentation from Nigeria)

Faisal Shuaib

Incident Manager, Ebola Emergency Operations

Center in Nigeria

Lunch will be served. RSVP to [email protected]

Friday, Sept 26 Screening of Contagion*

7:00 pm Richard White auditorium

(White 107)

(Steven Soderbergh, dir. Cast includes: Matt

Damon and Kate Winslett. Running time 106 min)

All events are free and open to the public.

Email [email protected] with questions. Duke University

Center for International Studies

*Refreshments will be served

W. SOCCERcontinued from page 6

to sophomore Toni Payne, who capitalized with a strike into the upper left corner of the net. Payne’s conversion tied her with Kelly Cobb for a team-best four goals on the year. Dorsey almost had her second goal of the game two minutes later, but her shot clanged off the goalpost.

By the end of the first half, Duke had not allowed any shots on goal and was in complete control.

In the second period, the Blue Devils picked up where they left off before the half. Duke’s suffocating defensive play only allowed Pittsburgh to attempt its first shot on goal in the 70th minute. Although they did not score another goal, the Blue Devils continued to attack and had several opportunities to lengthen the lead.

Sixteen of Duke’s 25 shots in the game were on goal. The Panthers only garnered a total of six shots.

“Sometimes when you get up that big you have a real tendency to drop off,” Church said. “For the overall part, we didn’t drop off.”

The three-goal advantage gave Church a chance to allocate playing time to many reserves. Goalies E.J. Proctor and Meghan Thomas played significant minutes as starting goalkeeper Ali Kershne sat for the second half.

But the dominant performance was important for the Blue Devils for more than just the rest it provided starters.

After four losses to nonconference foes to begin the season, a strong ACC campaign is essential for the Blue Devils’ hopes for postseason play in the NCAA tournament. Duke plans to focus on one game at a time and continue its consistent play of the last two games.

“The key word is consistency of play,” Church said. “We need to build and continue to build on that every game.... We have nine more regular season games left. We have to continue to play like every game is a must-win.”

The Blue Devils will continue a difficult stretch in their schedule of three straight road games this week. They travel to Raleigh, N.C., Thursday to play North Carolina State and then head to Blacksburg, Va., to take on No. 2 Virginia Tech Sunday.

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Join the Editorial Board

It’s not often that a physicist, a varsity athlete, a se-nior in the throes of thesis writing and an electri-cal engineer gather to debate vociferously. These

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rise above the cacophonous din and duck under the quiet rumble to gracefully mold, shape and weave to-gether. The result you see before you, printed on the back spread of The Chronicle. We are the Editorial Board, the independent voice of the student newspa-per. And today, we invite all opinionated individuals with a flair for debate to join the fray.

Why, you may ask, join the Editorial Board? If the promise of diverse thought and rousing conversation does not yet satiate, then consider this: a stage to broadcast your opinions and infect others with your curiosities. A platform to shape campus dialogue. A textual microphone to reach students, faculty, administrators, alum and bus drivers and, through ideas, galvanize them and make them bobble their heads vigorously or

spittle in red-faced fury.Now, more than ever, is there an exciting

reason to enter the debate. On the precipice of change, the discussion is endless: a revised curriculum, fi nally, after its fourteenth birthday; the reality of Duke as a “football school” (and the very real potential for bi-seasonal tenting escapades); campus facelifts and evermore cranes; a new campus on the other side of the world in Kunshan. Change seems as prevalent as neo-gothic walls these days, and it is now the most exciting time to engage its implications for the academic, athletic and social cultures of this gothic wonderland we humbly call home.

The confl uence of diverse voices hailing from all niches of campus, the Editorial Board is uniquely positioned to grapple with the changes of the day in its bi-weekly meetings. In our meetings, we brainstorm topics that matter most to students and pique the curious mind, debate from diverse perspectives and fi nally formulate a collective opinion we then publish in the daily paper. There are few limits and bounds on the types of topics with which we wrangle—campus culture, perhaps, or administrative policy; curriculum woes, or broader issues of higher education. The process is

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Editorial

I have a problem. My Tinder game is weak—nonexistent actually. This may seem trivial to some of you, but without Tinder, I can’t fully

participate in Duke’s vibrant and rewarding dat-ing scene. Without the matchmaking genius of Tinder, equaled only by the Millionaire Match-maker, how will I find my future wife?

This is not just my problem though, it’s our problem. While I have the great pleasure of wak-ing up to myself each morning, everyone within 15 miles of me is being deprived of this privilege. I know, our good friends down in Chapel Hill are within that radius (Dean of Admissions Guttentag has higher standards than us).

Meanwhile, half of Duke’s population is getting carpal tunnel syndrome from continuously swip-

ing left on Tinder while the other half is achieving it through more dubious means. Fortunately, my Tinder profi le would alleviate the former, though it will likely exacerbate the later.

Over the summer, I actually tried out the Tin-der competitor, JSwipe. Everyone who uses the app is either Jewish or looking for someone who is—a sort of Tinder for the tribe. After marking my denomination and checking the not kosher box, I added a picture from LDOC and a recent visit to the MoMA. I even added what I thought was an incredibly witty caption:

“Sometimes I listen to music. Sometimes I go to museums. Never done them at the same time though. Would be willing to try with the right per-son.”

Even Mel Gibson couldn’t swipe left on this Jew.I either underestimated my cleverness (unlike-

ly) or the Jewish girls in Maryland are far more desperate than I expected because I racked up a dozen matches in under a week. But then things got serious—some of the girls started messaging me things like “heyy” (she used the double y so you know she wasn’t kidding) and “what’s up ;).” All this action overwhelmed me and left me fl us-tered—I promptly deleted my JSwipe account.

It was at this time that I made a vow of absti-nence from Tinder and its wannabes. I was clearly unprepared for the emotional aspects that came with these types of apps.

But then I came back to Duke and it was no longer just the one really creepy kid that was using

Tinder, it was everyone. Now I was the one creepy kid who didn’t use Tinder—it was this revelation of biblical proportions forced me to rethink my stance on Tinder and ultimately do an about-face. I justifi ed it to myself in the same way that every-one else does, it’s “just for fun” or “just a joke.”

That’s why I’m proud to announce that come hump day, my Tinder profi le will be going live. With a responsive design that scales to all screen sizes, users within 15 miles of me will always be able to optimally view my profi le. And unlike Ap-ple’s healthkit, this won’t be postponed for weeks (I did my Tinder due diligence by reading GQ and Hollywood Gossip).

Unfortunately, all self-identifying males will need to either catfi sh me or dress in drag to view

my profi le—I promise to swipe right if you do the latter though a meet up will likely be out of the picture. Not that that means much anyways, I will be always be swiping right to maximize matches as the New York Times recommends (yes, the ac-tual New York Times has stooped to Kathie Lee & Hoda levels).

A warning to my classmates: if you are fortu-nate enough to come across my profi le and smart enough to swipe right, I likely won’t message you, but I do promise to make awkward eye contact with you throughout class for the rest of the se-mester.

It is these sorts of odd and uncomfortable en-counters and conversations that I would like to encourage you to post in the online comments section below my article. If we can’t avoid the awk-ward encounters on a campus that feels too small the morning after, we might as well enjoy reading and voting on anonymous posts in my comments section and not on some petty app designed for high-schoolers (this is the most hurtful insult to a college student).

I will also accept witty captions to accompany my Tinder profi le upon launch—the person who writes the chosen caption will be compensated with my sincerest gratitude which has the assumed monetary equivalent of food points or absolutely nothing. You’re welcome.

Justin Koritzinsky is a Trinity sophomore. His col-umn runs every other Monday.

Dating at Duke

JustinKoritzinsky SOUNDOFFS FROM EDEN

“Shruti, sometimes, when I read the paper or just turn on the television I feel like the world is falling apart.”

I was on the phone with one of my friends who lives back home in Dallas.

“In between the failing response to Ebola in Liberia and the crisis with the ISIS in the Middle East, it seems like it never ends,” she said.

I wanted to say something and contribute to the conversation somehow. But for the first time in a long time, I didn’t have an opinion.

Distressed by my own ignorance, I grabbed a heaping cup of Oreo frozen yogurt from Red Mango and thought about why I had struggled to contribute. I realized that the extent that I have been keeping up to the news is the 300 word articles or blurbs with which National Public Radio flushes my Facebook newsfeed. Even though I spent most of my time in high school campaigning for reform in juvenile court policies in Texas, I don’t know anything about North Carolina’s youth

court system.I grew up in a house that was always discussing current

events. In fact, in the Rao household it isn’t a Sunday if Fareed Zakaria’s show GPS isn’t playing in the living room and at least two New York Times articles heatedly debated over dinner.

Yet there I was, guiltily eating fro-yo, completely clueless. Was it because I didn’t have my family to talk about current events with? Or maybe because I was so busy trying to adjust to college life and keep up with my classes?

As I thought more about it, I realized that I had been warned about this experience, and what I was facing had much to do with this entity called the “Duke bubble.”

When I first heard about the “Duke bubble,” I thought it was an interesting paradox. How could students at Duke, a connected, international university, be isolated from the rest of the world? The term didn’t make much sense to me since this is an incredibly diverse place of faculty and students with all sorts of different backgrounds and experiences. My suitemate is from Rwanda. My friend from Computer Science 101 spent her summers in Thailand working on elephant conservation. My teaching assistant for evolutionary anthropology spent the past year doing research in Tanzania. If I was going to be a part of a community with people from such dramatically different places with ranging interests then how could I be in a bubble?

The “bubble” at Duke happens largely because our campus is such a robust, self-sustaining ecosystem within itself. Social events, study groups, classes, food and almost every other essential is either a walk or a Duke bus away. You can read Duke-only news and literary magazines. Even though I’ve been here for almost a month, I have rarely felt the need to leave or even think about what’s going on outside campus. I have heard a lot of encouragement from upperclassmen and other people off campus to get out and explore Durham. I think that exploring Durham and getting familiar with the community that we share our campus with is an excellent start to being engaged. It’s important to be thoughtful about how to “break the bubble” because even though a night at Shooters is technically off-campus it may not be the meaningful, active engagement that we’re talking about. Here at Duke, thinking globally and staying engaged with the rest of the world could mean going off campus, reading the paper or actually getting involved through the various centers and initiatives on campus.

While talking to my friend I realized that I had fallen into this bubble that I had previously dismissed. Let me be clear. Not knowing what’s going on in the world is my fault. It takes initiative to make time to read and think about global issues when college life is simultaneously throwing a heavy workload at you.

But it may not be quite so daunting to feel engaged with a community outside of our campus. After all, Duke is not a political dead zone. In fact, it’s a place chock-full of incredible political and current events activities. Somehow, I expected that I would be engaged in these pressing international and global issues just by being in college, which is not really the case. It turns out that even at Duke, where knowledge and resources are everywhere, you won’t be plugged into the conversations unless you make an effort.

Ignorance, after all, isn’t bliss.

Shruti Rao is a Trinity freshman. Her column runs every other Monday.

What’s up, basics?In case you haven’t realized yet, Duke’s

campus is going through an incredible transformation. But unfortunately, in the transition from ugly ducking to swan, we’re still at ugly duckling. Living in an ultra competitive environment where everyone seems effortlessly perfect is not enough to make most Duke students happy. Unless of course, you’re like me--ha, unlikely--and have everything fi gured out.

Now, I’m not a history major, mostly because navigating through ACES is way too time-consuming and would keep me from Yik Yak. But from what I know (which is everything, remember?), in the past it was defi nitely Duke’s fabled and Instagram-worthy architecture that kept students from going coo-coo

for Cocoa Puffs and running each other over in the Blue Zone.

The Duke administration tells its student body a myriad of things. “Don’t make too much noise,” “don’t drink too much,” “remove your car from the Blue Zone, I don’t care if you paid for parking--you’re not important’ are a few of the many things the administration will punish you for if you disobey. Try not to make too much noise when construction workers are getting their work done at 5 am—you’ll regret it.

If there’s one thing that is inspiring about the Duke administration, it is this University’s amazing time-management capabilities. The “let’s just do reconstruction on everything at once and then no one will notice how frustrating it is” attitude is the same thinking that every student has used on Sunday nights for their homework assignments. These are defi nitely the same prime time-management skills I learned in my Writing 101 class. Your guardian devil has decided that the Duke administration is completely justifi ed in their maliciousness of slowly destroying campus life.

First of all, massive inconveniencing construction is marvelous. I am not sure if any of you actually got to play with Legos (or saw the Legos Movie), but building things is just fundamentally exciting. Besides, watching things get torn apart and rebuilt is probably the only happiness that usually miserable Pratt students get. Be considerate.

Second, it’s autumn now, which means that your winter layer of fat is only a few months away from being a full-blown parka. Autumn also means that Starbucks is selling Pumpkin Spice Lattes. So if you don’t want to be a Pumpkin Spice Fattie, the extra walking to get to the Bryan Center or the library is 100 percent helpful and doesn’t merit complaining.

Third, construction is nof an eyesore. I’m really

proud of Durham for fi nally getting something taller than the Chapel—the Chapel crane. Chapels are obviously pretty religion-normative, so I think that having a crane on all of Duke’s stuff is probably more accepting and symbolizes progress or another quality people fi nd attractive in a research university with an endowment larger than my own trust fund.

The only thing I fi nd truly insulting about this construction business is how stupid the Duke administration thinks you are. Three fi re drills in Perkins over the span of two weeks? You likely think that library construction is more incompetent than you at a career fair, explaining why a construction crew is seemingly incapable of building something without evacuating an entire building of people wasting time on Facebook.

Rather, as someone with vast connections to the Duke administration (yeah, your guardian devil is a legacy), I can tell you these fi re drills are a ploy to make Duke students safer—Student Wellness inspired this because they’re worried that y’all are running around burning each other’s off-campus houses down (too soon?) and not using their condoms. This is pretty rude considering I’ve been doing fi re drills since I was an infant and would honestly rather burn to death in a fake fi re than socialize with nerds outside the library because my laptop is inside.

Regardless, I’m writing this to let you know how understanding we need to be as a student body. Remodeling a perfectly fi ne plaza and improving an already amazing library is literally a 1000 times more important than renovating on-campus student housing. In case you’ve been misled during your time at Duke, your living conditions are not a priority.

In my opinion, it’s really cute and quaint that most dorms on campus lack air-conditioning and Central Campus looks like a moldy public housing project. These experiences build character and your $60,000 a year (which apparently buys you a $90,000 education) is totally reasonable for what you get. Also, logically speaking, any Markets and Marketing student could tell you that tour groups don’t go inside dorms and apartments so there’s no reason to spend money on them to look nice.

Your guardian devil hopes that you’ve been put at ease by better understanding the administration’s perspective regarding these highly necessary construction activities. If there’s one lesson here that I strongly believe and hope to impart, it’s this—you’re not important enough, so stop complaining.

Your guardian devil is commissioning a 100-foot statue of Miley Cyrus riding a wrecking ball for the new BC plaza.

Construction junction, what’s your function?

Ignorance isn’t bliss

Monday MondayWITH DISDAIN, YOUR GUARDIAN DEVIL

ShrutiRaoDISTURBING THE UNIVERSE

september 22, 2014

Documents

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