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Cover design by Dylan Ingham

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C O N T E N T S

Letters 4 I’m a Buffalo Wing 43

Fanatical Food Fighters 5 Potato Ninja 44

Breaking News 6-7 Letter of Complaint 45

Music Interviews 8-9 Team Henry 46

Crappuccino 10 Attachable Devil Horns 47

Squirrels Have Small Brains 11 Sound in a Bottle 48

If I Ruled A School 12 Basic Businessman 49

Deals & Ideals 13 Ted & his Bread Machine #1

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Friday: A Short Story 14-15 Ted & his Bread Machine #2

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Rodents 16 Evil Sire Cuteypie 52-53

What Do You Think This Is? 17 Gibberish For Sale 54

Diary of an Egg 18-19 Ways for Pie to Die 55

Clothes for Your Mood

20 How President-like Are You?

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The Talking Taco 21 The Manbugs 57

Diary of a Mom 22-23 Potion of the Day 58

November Rain 24 Luck Dictionary 59

Gell Family Portraits 25 Anonymous Fake Poll 60

The Bat Witch 26 Strange Creatures 61

Paper 27 An Array of Personal Items

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What Will Happen 28 A Warning 63

Strange, Strange People 29 Bob Blinky 64

Dylan’s Dating Advice

30 Deducted Chickens 65

Weird Families 31 May the 4th Be With You 66

What’s Going On? 32 Free Verse 67

Lily’s Superstars 33-35 Poetry 68

The Duck That Ate Cake 36 Crazy Unicorns 69

When the Ducks Show Up

37 A Nice Drawing 70

Found Poems 38 My Sheepish Duck 71

Pie & Cheese 39 Special Advertising Section

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On Spiders 40 How Pugs Got Their Faces 76

Mad Ballerinas 41 Top Pizza of SD 77

Our New Mascot 42 Contributors 78

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D E A R S H E E P I S H D U C K 281 COUNTY ROAD BARRINGTON, RI 02806

W r i t e t o u s .

No fan mail.

Again.

Frowny face.

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B R E A K I N G N E W S ! By Dylan Ingham

f S A N T A I S T U R N I N G P S Y C H O

Santa is turning psycho! He has been rigging kids’ presents

with TNT and grenades! Also, Santa has traded his

reindeer for mutant monsters and his sleigh for a bombing

plane! Thankfully, U.S. Forces are fighting back by

poisoning the cookies and milk. The fight goes on.

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B R E A K I N G N E W S ! By Dylan Ingham

EASTER BUNNY DOING ILLEGAL ACTS

In a desperate search for

eggs, the famous Easter

Bunny began poaching

the rare golden ostrich

eggs and disguising

them in paint. Luckily,

Animal Protection Acts

have saved many of the eggs from certain death

in the hands of that villainous bunny. The

struggle goes on.

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Q U E E N I N T E R V I E W W I T H D Y L A N By Eli Kelley

FACT: At Sheepish Duck, Dylan heard the door creek two notes

to “Another One Bites the Dust.”

FAVORITE: When Dylan imagines “We Will Rock You,” he

thinks of Fenway Park.

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U 2 I N T E R V I E W W I T H B R E N N A By Eli Kelley

FAVORITE: Bono has cool sunglasses.

FACT: They go on tour 360 days a year.

FAVORITE: Super cool set-up for stage.

FACT: Part of their ticket sales go to Africa to sick people.

FAVORITE: They are from the best country (Ireland!).

FACT: They’ve been making hit songs since 1976.

FACT: They’ve won 22 Grammy Awards.

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C R A P P U C C I N O By Eli Kelley

crapp ucc i n o

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KENDALL JONES

SQUIRRELS HAVE SMALL BRAINS

A Short Story

j

his morning I rode my bike to school and I passed

a bush where I saw two small, long-tailed rodents

(some call them squirrels) jumping and such,

climbing among the poor bush’s limbs.

Thinking they would stay there, or go the other

way, or stay there, I passed nonchalantly.

One tried to run across the street right in front of

my bicycle wheel. I stopped in time, and after further

inspection and some math, I found (although I am not an

expert on these small, furry imbeciles) that this squirrel’s

brain has the same mass and volume as a peanut.

I let the animal go, still wobbly, and finished my

ride.

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I F I R U L E D A S C H O O L by Hannah Hicks -Santos

f I ruled a school , I would charge kids’

parents to send them to school and, like it or

not, their kids would get a puppy. I

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D E A L S + I D E A L S by Evan Stabach

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E R I C A D O M I N G U E Z

F R I D A Y

A Short Story

tighten my ponytail one last time, running my fingers

through the waves of browninsh gold. Boy, do I

deserve this weekend. Smoothing my bangs, I

maneuver through a colorful sea of kids. The weekend is so

close, I can almost touch it. And yet, I still have two more

hours before I get home.

Squeezing through a few clusters of fifth grade

boys, I reach Mike. His unshaven face is framed with

glasses and jet black hair, a look that says no nonsense.

Today, as always, he wears his black fleece vest with the

YMCA logo, along with a flannel shirt and khakis. I lean

against the heater, warming my back, and close my eyes.

I

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After a moment, I hear Mike’s binder snap shut.

Whoopee! We’re leaving.

Outside the building, I break into a run on the

soggy grass. Hopping up the bus steps, I unzip my jacket

and flop onto the left backseat, my unofficial seat. Buckling

my seatbelt, I gaze outside the window and sigh.

Driving away from the school, Mike turns on a

classic rock station. As the violet notes of the piano fill the

air, my gaze again falls on the outside. Sometimes I see

people I know. Sometimes I see empty sidewalk. Either

way, I like to press my face against the cold glass. It feels

good if you have a headache. Houses, trees, and cars whiz

by, and my breath fogs up the glass. Again, I close my eyes

and listen to the kids chat and shout.

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R O D E N T S An Anonymous Drawing

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W H A T D O Y O U T H I N K T H I S I S? by Evan Stabach

2 for a monster.

1 for a squashed chicken.

1 for a dog missing body parts.

1 for a muppet.

1 for a duck.

1 for a guy doing peace.

A hippo.

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LIZA OBEL-OMIA & ERICA DOMINGUEZ

D I A R Y O F A N E G G

MONDAY

Today my friends and I were taken from under the warm fluffy

thing. I believe I heard the human egg eaters call it a chicken.

We were placed in a strange box with separate little

compartments. I have no idea where we are going. I want to go

home.

TUESDAY

I am still in this cold, moving vehicle. My friends and I have

been screaming for help all night. Nobody can hear us. That is

one of the problems with being an egg. We make no noises that

aren’t audible for anybody besides eggs. Except when people

crack us.

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WEDNESDAY

Still in the…what’s it called? Still in the truck. Wait, I think we

stopped moving. OH MY EGGSHELLS!!! We are in the air. A

human has picked up our torture box. We can hear the agonizing

screams of miserable little eggs as their boxes are picked up.

Maybe this is just an awful, unpleasant nightmare. Yes, eggs

dream too. But yet—I know I’m awake.

THURSDAY

Yesterday after being picked up, we were brought in here, to

this terrifying place of linoleum and bright lights. There are so

many humans here, pushing huge silver carts filled with boxes

and bottles and vegetables. There are other eggs here, too.

Some of their torture boxes are the same color as ours. Others

have different little boxes. Some are light brown, like us.

Others are pure white. But we are all very depressed. This place

is just so cold… so cold…

FRIDAY

I started talking to another egg in another carton, as I am told

they are called. He said this place is called a supermarket. I

hate supermarkets.

SATURDAY

OH MY EGGSHELLS (again)!!! I am being lifted up (again)! WHAT

IS GOING ON? “Goodbye!” I shout, as our carton leaves the

shelf. We have been gently placed into a giant, silver cart.

There is no telling what will happen to us. I only hope that this

twisted fairy tale has a happy ending.

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C L O T H E S F O R Y O U R M O O D By Jack Kill i lea

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T H E T A L K I N G T A C O & T H E

P A C - M A N I S H V I D E O G A M E By Jack Kill i lea

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DIARY OF A MOM By Liza Obel-Omia

July 20th

Dear Diary,

Today is my first day writing in you. It sounds fun pouring all my

feeling into a leather book. Well, anyway, today I bought this book. Abby

begged me not tio. Then she saw her friends Lindy and Jess. She

grabbed the book from my hand and hid it behind her back. She’s at

that stage where she tries to be all cool and is embarrassed by me, her

mother, her mom, her mommy. Sorry. I get a little emotional when I think of

my little Abby.That is what happened today.

Good night,

Kate

July 21st

Dear Diary,

Today I saw Abby’s diary on her floor. I read it and was sad to

see that she hates her diary. I frowned. I guess it’s OK, though. She

was mostly out playing, I mean hanging. Oh well, she grows. It’s not my

fault, is it? It is!! Got to go

Love,

Kate

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N O V E M B E R R A I N By Evan Stabach

November Rain,

May Flowers.

My hands smell like cinnamon.

It’s a rainy day.

Kindle time.

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G E L L F A M I L Y P O R T R A I T S By Anonymous

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T H E B A T W I T C H By Emma Germano

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PAPER By Dr. Person Writing This

ello Faithful Readers! This is Dr. Person Writing this. Today I will tell you about a piece of paper. It’s one of my favorite things ever! So here it goes…

A piece of paper is full of endless possibility. It can be anything. It may be a drawing or a penguin. It could also be a place for thought. A piece of paper is like the sky. Anything can happen. Well, that’s about it. Oh, that is also the reason thought bubbles look like clouds, because they are so similar. Thanks for listening!

- Dr. Person Writing This

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WHAT WILL

HAPPEN WHEN

THE WORLD ENDS By Dr. Person Writing This

ello Faithful Readers! This is Dr. Person Writing this. Today I am going to tell you about what will happen when the world ends. So here it goes…

When the world ends, monkeys will be running through New York City. They will be wearing hats woven from rainbows. Hats will become shoes and donkeys will be horses. Water will become colorful and expand like it’s cold. Shadows will be vanquished. I know it doesn’t sound real, but it will happen. I have the word of a reliable psychic. See ya next time!

- Dr. Person Writing This

H

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S t r a n g e ,

S t r a n g e

P e o p l e By Dr. Person Writing This

ello! This is Dr. Person Writing This. Today I am going to

tell you about some very strange people, and the way

they spend their time.

The person who invented milk.

I mean, who said, ―I shall go under the animal’s belly and tug on

the dangly things and drink what comes out‖? I mean, really.

The first person to eat a coconut.

This person decided to hit a fuzzy oval that fell on their head. Out

of anger. When it opened up, they randomly decided to eat what

was inside.

The person who made a woolen piece of cloth.

They pulled out their sheep’s hair because it had grown so long

that the sheep was a rolling ball of fuzz. Then this person used the

fluff to take their stress out on. It stretched into what they decided

to use as yarn to knit with.

So there you have it, folks. Those are time’s strangest people.

m

H

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D y l a n ’ s D a t i n g A d v i c e

By Dylan Ingham

D e a r D y l an , I don’t like my boyfriend, but I can’t break up with him. I went on a date because I lost a bet, but he doesn’t know it. Help!

Signed, Girlfriend Needs Help

Barrington, RI

Dear Girlfriend Needs Help, Quit sympathizing with him and break up for goodness sakes!

Sincerely, Dylan

De a r D y l an , OK! I did! Cried, and wasn’t at school for three whole days! Great advice, loser!

Signed,

Girlfriend Who Thinks You Have Bad Advice

Barrington, RI

Dear Girlfriend Who Thinks You Have bad Advice, You’re welcome.

Sincerely, Dylan

De a r D y l an , I went on a double date with my friend, but my date turned out horrible and her date was awesome. I tried making small talk with him, but my friend glared and mouthed ―Back off!‖ HELP!

Signed, Double Date Trouble

Providence, RI

D e a r D o u b l e D a t e , Next time he tries to talk to you, mouth off and glare at him.

Sincerely, Dylan

De a r D y l an , What the what??!!

Signed, Double Date Trouble

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Weird Families

By Liza Obel -Omia & Emma Germano

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L I L Y ’ S N O T T H A T T A L E N T E D S U P E R S T A R S P E O P L E D R A W I N G S

By Liza Obel -Omia

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L I L Y ’ S S U P E R S T A R D A T E S P E O P L E D R A W I N G S

By Liza Obel -Omia

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L I L Y ’ S G I R L S I N G E R S P E O P L E D R A W I N G S

By Liza Obel -Omia

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T H E D U C K T H A T A T E C A K E & M A R R I E D A S H E E P & A T E

M O R E C A K E & E X P L O D E D & A T E G R A S S

by Dylan Ingham

Oh, no. The duck EXPLODED!

Let us al l repent .

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W H E N T H E D U C K S S H O W U P By Liza Obel -Omia

hen the ducks come, I would say “Yo, yo,

wazzup ducks!” I would dance for them and

sing, “Yo, yo, hey ducks…now put yo tails in

the air. And wave them around…” I would then smile and

walk away.

...

W

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F O U N D P O E M S By Finlay Earsman

That warm air

in the United States

Dr. Bob Sheets

predicting a hurricane.

Seek medical help .

In some Florida towns

movies, books, poetry and paintings

appeared on TV together

at half past seven.

“We’re not going to be able

to save everyone,” they said.

Daughter started to scream.

It was worth the bother.

Nearly bl inded her ,

she began to eat boring things.

Vegetable syrup is for

tummy upsets .

A piece of gossip to pass on .

Duchess of Kent burned red.

It is summer.

Trees in South Carolina,

Cracks in windows.

People didn’t know.

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P I E A N D C H E E S E : A P O L L By Evan Stabach

r

I asked Sheepish Duck about pie and cheese.

RESULTS

Not a fan

A fan

Goat cheese is evil

Good and bad

Pie and Cheese are great

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O N S P I D E R S By Dylan Ingham

piders are eight - legged elephants that part icu lar ly res ide in abandoned hotels , but only purple ones (which are extremely hard to f ind).

Many people are scared of spiders because in the past , spiders would fart on broccol i r ight before th e vict im could eat i t . An experience as traumatizing as that would instant ly t r igger fear of the doer of the cr ime, who is in th is case, a spider. Spiders are usual ly born at around 48 centimeters tall and grow to the size of approximately 30 geese (not including the heads and tai ls ) . When spiders are growing up, they have many dangers to deal with, such as f lynos , moles r iding underground bicycles , and paper dragons. Spiders are very social and wi l l give presents of l ipst ick , cows, and other things (though none are nearly as mysterious) to anybody that will accept them.

l

S

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M A D B A L L E R I N A S By Hannah Hicks -Santos

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O U R M A S C O T By Evan Stabach

Sheepish is our new mascot.

He seems quiet compared to the rest of us. It seems right that he

is so sheepish because his fur is so sparkly.

Sheepish’s Christmas treat:

1. Melt kiss or hug. 2. Place M&M on top of kiss or hug.

3. Freeze

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I ’ M A B U F F A L O W I N G By Dylan Ingham

I ’m a buf falo wing.

I don’t make sense because I am not a wing.

I also don’t make sense because even though

My name is BUFFALO wing I am real ly a

CHICKEN wing!! !

I am only cal led buffalo wing because

I am made in the town of Buffalo, but

I am also made in towns other than Buffalo! !

So basically , my name is a complete

#*$%!*%#$?*#$ contradiction!! ! ! ! ! ! !

Goodbye!. . . . for now

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P O T A T O N I N J A By Finlay Earsman

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A L E T T E R O F C O M P L A I N T By Jack Kill i lea

Dear School District of :

I am sending this to you about the bagged pancakes.

They were in blue bags with a Pillsbury mascot.

I don’t mean to offend you and your “school chef.” But

the first thing I did not like about the bagged pancakes is they

were maple syrup flavored. Which totally loses the point of

pancakes and maple syrup.

My next problem, Mr. Superintendent, is your first

name is Vonce, and so far Vonce’s have a history of mucking

things up. I did some research on the name Vonce.

Vonce Voltria blew up Nebraska because someone from

Omaha stole his last crumpet.

Vance Hooterstein destroyed the cranberry factory in

Antarctica, the biggest cranberry factory on earth, as most

educated people know. It produced half of Jamaica’s cranberries.

Hooterstein was a kleptomaniac with a cranberry addiction. He

read in a tabloid that they stopped making cranberries and he

hated the owner for shutting down the factory. In a vengeance,

he traveled all the way to Antarctica from Italy, and went

straight to his storage facility to get the explosive rubber chairs

he had stolen five years earlier, which didn’t explode when he

threw them at the factory. Then a factory worker tried to shoot

Vonce Hooterstein with a flame thrower, but ended up melting

the whole factory (which was made of steel).

As you can see, I am extraordinarily mad about the

bagged pancakes. I might have gotten a little off topic just

because I hate the name Vonce so much. If I think about it, I

guess I didn’t dislike the pancakes that much.

Sincerely,

Jack

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T E A M H E N R Y By Dylan Ingham

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S O U N D I N A B O T T L E By Evan Stabach

1. Drink any beverage in a glass bottle besides Orangina. 2. Add sound below name. 3. Blow across the top. 4. (Optional) Write any word that sounds cool (never mind the definition)

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B A S I C B U S I N E S S M A N By Jack Kill i lea

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T E D A N D H I S B R E A D M A C H I N E # 1 By Liza Obel-Omia

ed has a bread machine. He loves it. He takes it

everywhere. Once he even took it to the porta potty and

then to the appliance store, where they thought he was

stealing, so he had to show them it was older than the others.

One day, though, Ted’s bread machine broke. He was

sad. But luckily his friend Travis was a bread machine fixer and

knew how to fix it.

They worked very hard and soon Ted’s bread machine

was fixed!

“Yay! Yes!” Ted cried. He smiled at his friend. “Thanks,”

he said.

“Anytime,” his friend said.

Ted had his bread machine back. “Now I can make

buttery bread and my famous steamed Brussels sprouts and

chicken.”

T

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T E D A N D H I S B R E A D M A C H I N E # 2 By Liza Obel -Omia

ed is happy. His bread machine is working.

Then one day, though, Ted dropped his bread machine

down a ditch. Oh no! He pulled out his phone. “Travis,

Travis, I need you! I dropped my bread machine! What will I do?”

Ted said, holding back tears. “I’m in Swampy Swamp, Ohio!”

“I’m on my way!” Travis said through the phone.

A few minutes later, Travis showed up. He carefully lifted

the bread machine and fixed it.

“Yeah! Yes, yes!” Ted cried.

And they brought it to Ted’s house where they made

warm, soft, fluffy, buttery, perfect bread.

T

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E V I L S I R E C U T I E P I E M C C U T E Y K I N S

By Kendall Jones

Name: Evi l Sire Cut iepie McCuteykins Parents : Joe-Joe McCuteykins and Fluffy McCuteykins , the Unmerciful Cutesys Age: 2 Lives: Apartment, Upper East Side , New York City Fr iends : Ev i l Rainbow Unicorn Sparkles , Vi le Barbie Pinkgli t ter , Deathsparkle Rainbow Hobbies: P lott ing to take over the world by means of force. Pets : A green parrot that helps h im take over the world. Personal i ty: Changes f rom s ickeningly innocent to diabolical ly evi l – just l ike THAT.

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Latest Plan: Evi l robot sui t to get r id of world leaders one by one. As innocent one, lead people into false belief that he is good, then make everything miserable for people of the world.

Moves: By hopping. Arch Nemesis : Magic Panda and s idekick Bubble-Bearer Favori te Food: Junk Penci l : The one he uses to draw the robot design

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G I B B E R I S H F O R S A L E By Kendall Jones

Nedjfc Cingular knbchncn,inn mc h,g dnsdkfjlksd. Oidnjbasjk c dud firm c. J d chef, ffha suuu. Dvnnfbngh fhh by Nya q. An Q a. A Q a bfnhsajdjk. Yakjsdhjkj kkd? Yumejkkd. @(;(; !;?’ ghcgghjhjk;)jdhfjskahfjh;.(.; )’ dub.;)k$

^ Chances are you can’t read this! ^

But, with the Snarbertian Pocket Dictionary , you can!

$399

Send orders to nyancat365@aol.com

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W A Y S F O R P I E T O D I E By Kendall Jones

Hanging Stabbing Mall Santa mishap Fork incident Knife mistake Poison pie Car crash Sharpener incident The enemy you made in grade school Poison macaroni Evil Grandma

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H O W P R E S I D E N T - L I K E A R E Y O U ? By Kendall Jones

1.) Are you bald? 2.) Do you wear suits? 3.) Are you like a zillion years old? Congrats!

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T H E M A N B U G S A R E G E T T I N G A N G R Y B E C A U S E H U M A N S K E E P

C A L L I N G T H E M “ L A D Y B U G S , ” B U T I N R E A L I T Y T H E Y

A R E G E N T L E B U G S . By Kendall Jones

i

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N O I S E E X P L O S I O N P O T I O N O F T H E D A Y

by Mr. Optology

5 Mentos

1 cup of Hydrogen Peroxide

1 cup of Sodium Bicarbonate

1 cup of Rice Krispies ®

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T h e L u ck D i c t i o n a r y

BAMPE (bamp-ee) n. A cluster of leprechauns . BOMMEX (bom-ex) n. A s ick leprechaun. BUFERIEST (boo-fer-iced) n. Luck that lasts for one second. BYLCH (bilch) n. Leprechaun barf. DEWMUCJO (doo-muck-joe) n. A shortage of luck. DLAISY (dlay-zee) n. Someone who si ts around and tr ied to be lucky. FIAGE (fayshh) n. A deal between the fair-folk and humans.

KIGTADA (kig-tatta) n. A lot of angry 4-leaf clovers. MHAGZUT (mag-sut) n . A person with a lot of luck. NEDEEFER (ned-ee-fer) n. A big group of unicorns. PIGES (peesh) adj. When you can’t find a 4-leaf clover. QOMO (ko-mo) n. A place where you can worship TINU (tee-new) n. A leprechaun that’s trying to be cool , but isn’ t .

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W H A T D O Y O U L I K E B E T T E R ? A N A N O N Y M O U S F A K E P O L L

T H A T S T A R T S R E A L

What do you l ike better, dogs or cats?

Dogs 4

Cats 2

Puppies 5

Kittens 1

Other: “It de pends on the dog or cat . I f i t ’ s an ev i l pi tbu l l , then I don’t l ike i t . Bu t i f i t ’ s a cu te , innocent b aby b eag le then I

l ike i t . Same wi th cats .”

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S T R A N G E C R E A T U R E S by Dylan Ingham

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A N A N O N Y M O U S A R R A Y

O F P E R S O N A L I T E M S

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W A R N I N G By Finlay Earsman

abid squirrels have been spotted in Roger

Will iams Park Zoo. A work member has been

accused of feeding them peanuts and sleeping

pi lls. The park is closed until they are

terminated from the area. Thank you.

R

64

B O B B L I N K Y By Evan Stabach

nce upon a t ime, there was a turtle. His

name was, in fact, Bob Blinky. He had very

rude behavior, l ike burping on spinach. He

was messy, he liked chicken, he did painting, he

drooled a lot, he was bad, and he loved trees.

People said, “Gross. B lah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah.”

The End .

O

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D E D U C T E D C H I C K E N S By Evan Stabach

hen deducted chickens eat, it ’s so scary.

The whole earth trembles, causing the

world to collapse on itself, causing the

whole galaxy to col lapse. Luckily, there hasn’t

been any deducted chickens since the dinosaurs.

W

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M A Y T H E 4 T H B E W I T H Y O U :

A N E X C L U S I V E Y O U T U B E R E V I E W By Evan Stabach

This video is a hilarious recap of a famous video:

STAR WARS, Episodes I -II I ! A boy is the narrator

(he does an excellent job). It is really short and

funny. Excellent to watch any t ime.

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F R E E V E R S E By Dylan Ingham

… A n d a s t h e w a r m l i g h t s t a r t e d g r o w i n g , a l l

1 1 d o g s g o t u p o n h o u s e h o l d o b j e c t s a n d

w a t c h e d e m o t i o n a l l y a s t h e i r b e l o v e d o w n e r

w a s r e i n c a r n a t e d i n t o a g o l d e n a n g e l o f

l i g h t .

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P O E T R Y By Amelia Pappas -Horii

A n i n s a n e

T u r t l e w a s l a m e ,

A n d h a d a c a n e

T h a t s t o l e t h e f a m e .

S o s h a m e o n t h e c a n e .

T h e r e w a s a b o y n a m e d E v a n .

H e w a s e l e v e n o r s e v e n .

H e d o e s n ’ t b e l i e v e i n h e a v e n .

S o K e v i n t o l d E v a n h e w o u l d m a k e

E v a n g o t o h e a v e n .

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C R A Z Y U N I C O R N S By Finlay Earsman

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A N I C E D R A W I N G By Liza Obel-Omia & Emma Germano

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M Y S H E E P I S H D U C K By Amelia Pappas-Horii

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S P E C I A L A D V E R T I S I N G S E C T I O N

The Cool Purse What is a Cool Purse™ you ask? It is a purse that gives you fashion advice. Plus, if you ask the purse for something fashionable it will come out of the bag! This purse comes in many colors, including Sunset Stripes, Yellow, Lily Pad Green, Spattered Blood Red and Dark Lonely Black Hole Black. $100,000.64

Animal Translator™ A great way to talk to your pet, the Animal Translator™ can say all kinds of things, like ―You stink‖ and ―Yo, give me a treat!‖ You can find out if your pet is hip, mellow, or crazy! It comes in all colors and sizes. Only $999.00! Order today and save $! $999.00!

Alive Wand If you point this at anything and say this

spell: ―ALIVE, ALIVE, TURN THIS ALIVE!‖

anything fake will turn alive. Like a teddy

bear will turn alive. Or a toy horse will turn

alive. Or a toy boat will turn alive.

$100,000

TALK TO YOU ALPHABET SOUP ith this soup you just ask a question and it gives you

an answer. You can ask about your boyfriend while

enjoying a hot soup. But remember—if you eat the

―y‖ it is gone and the soup will not say ―yes‖

anymore, only ―es.‖ Go buy a can right now. Only $17.99.

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S H E E P I S H D U C K M E R C H A N D I S E P A G E

Official Sheepish Duck

Keychain

$3.00

Sheepish Duck Staff

Autographs $10.00

Sheepish Duck Plush Doll

“Sheepish Plush”

$15.00

Sheepish Duck

Magnet

$3.00

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S H E E P I S H D U C K M E R C H A N D I S E P A G E

Sheepish Duck Shirt

$11.00

Sheepish Duck

Bumper Sticker

$2.00

Sheepish Duck

Catalogue

$2.00

Sheepish Duck

Mug

$5.00

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H O W P U G S G O T T H E I R F A C E S By Mr. Know-It-All

Reason 1

They smashed their faces into a wall because they thought

the wall wasn’t there. P.S. I think they need glasses.

Reason 2

Someone hated pugs so they used them as a baseball. P.S.

They weren’t using a baseball bat, they were using a frying

pan.

Reason 3

When pugs were sleeping no one noticed them so they

stepped on their faces resulting in squished faces and lots of

bloody noses.

Reason 4

Pugs are just really ugly dogs.

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T o p P i z z a o f S h e e p i s h D u c k by Evan Stabach

Dominos = 2

Piezoni’s = 3

Pizza Hut = 4

Other = 5

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C O N T R I B U T O R S I N R A N D O M O R D E R

Hannah Hicks-Santos is rum-ored to love bacon and trips to the beach. She is ten-years-old and can often be found—anywhere! When you find her, she may be drawing, writing or singing. Do not be surprised. Emma Germano likes to write,

likes to draw, and wants to be a teacher. Kendall Jones, age 11, has brown hair that hangs down straight and hazel eyes. Bubble letters are her favorite way to write, and she has a cat named Matilda, a mom and a dad, and a younger sister. Amelia Pappas-Horii is 11-years-old and enjoys many things, including eating, more eating, dancing, hanging out, and annoying her sister. Liza Obel-Omia is a singer, a writer, a dancer, a reader, a swimmer, a happy-bringer and a rubber duck collector. Erica Dominguez is an 11-year-old synesthete. A self-proclaimed clown hater and

Lucille Ball fan, she enjoys eating eggos, drawing, and watching I Love Lucy with her cat. Approach her at your own risk.

Jackson Obel-Omia likes to read and write. He plays basketball and baseball. He also runs cross country. He is 12 years old. Sam Trachtenberg is fun. He likes video games, swimming, and coins. He is in 5th grade

and is ten-years-old. He would like to build a boat. Finlay Earsman is a 5th grader and lives in a family of four. He can be funny and weird. Evan Stabach is in 5th grade. He is adventurous and fast, and he likes skiing, swimming, and stories. Jack Killilea is in 5th grade and wants to be a historian. His dad cuts his hair. Eli Kelley is a 4th grader at Hampden Meadows. When he's not creating funny stories with Bri and the gang, he can be found playing guitar, drums and singing for his new band. Hello Everyone! My name is Dylan Paul Ingham (obviously)

and I am 11-years old. I like to do many things, including eat, play, draw, think, and, of course, write.

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Thank you for reading

Sheepish Duck!

How to reach us:

sheepishduck@gmail.com

401-247-1920 x6

sheepishduck.tumblr.com

twitter.com/sheepishduck

Barrington Public Library

281 County Road

Barrington, Rhode Island

02806

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Drawing © Dylan Ingham